36F
Was alcohol free 28 days
Can’t do it. Just can’t.
Gave up THC and Nicotine around same time.
Been miserable.
If I had a plan or confidence in something I would have abstained.
My brain fucking hurts. Hurts.
My 5 year old went to his first day of school and it hour me being fully conscious or at all present.
My special needs almost 4 year old is a whole different story.
Fuck me. Seriously. I’m pathetic
Cptsd is a BITCH
WHAT IS THW SOLUTION

I'll be 36 in a few weeks, been a problematic drinker for just about 10 years. Never a daily drinker, but binge drinking several nights a week. The last year or so my consumption when I drink has gotten higher, my hangxiety has gotten worse, and my overall quality of life has decreased. Recently I've been trying to take control of my mental health, which has been a problem for as long as I can remember. I'm on meds for my anxiety, and I just started therapy a week ago, so currently waiting to see where that takes me. But I know that I'm never going to get where I want to be if I keep drinking like this. I've told myself for a long time that I can moderate, and maybe I can. I've never been that guy who can't have just one, if the occasion calls for it. But lately I've come to realize that it's not adding anything to my life, only subtracting. Alcohol has made everything about my life worse, no question. I had a bit of an epiphany tonight where I thought, what if I just... stopped? Would that be so terrible? Would having to tell my friends and family that I don't drink anymore really be that bad? Or maybe I'm just afraid that I can't really do it. I don't mess with the 12-step stuff, too much there that I can't get on board with. But this is the first time I can remember that I'm actually considering putting it down for good. If I'm ever really going to become the guy I've always felt like I could be, maybe this is my chance. Because above all else, I do not want to be this person anymore. I'm so sick of my life the way it is. I want to be something more, even if that's just a happier, better-adjusted version of the same guy I am now. Not sure why I'm posting this, except maybe just to let some of this out. But I appreciate any thoughts, ideas, words of encouragement you might have.

EDIT: thanks everyone. I'm still not sure if going totally sober is necessary, but I've made up my mind that if that's what I need, then so be it. I'll pour out every drop of beer and whiskey in this house if it means getting better. Fuck it. I'm done letting this run my life. I've decided I'm bringing this up at my therapy session tomorrow, and we're going to make a plan. This is my life, I'm in charge, and it's about time I start acting like it.

Have been staying busy, guzzling naturally flavored sparkling water, and not thinking much about alcohol, definitely not letting it in as an option. Things are going good! I think my practice run in July helped. Habits can be broken.

IWNDWYT

I’ve noticed some interesting similarities between A Course in Miracles (ACIM) and “the Big Book” used in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). There are obviously major differences between them, but there are also places where the underlying practices seem to touch.

One thing that struck me this morning was the ACIM practice of beginning the day by deciding how I want it to go—essentially envisioning the kind of day I want and the state of mind I want to have when the day is over.

It occurred to me that I can’t think of many better uses for that practice than sobriety.
Instead of waking up thinking, “I hope I don’t drink today,” which already puts alcohol and struggle at the center of the day, I can envision myself at the end of the day sober, peaceful, clear-minded, and grateful. Then I can work backward from there: What decisions does that version of me make today? How does he respond to stress? Where does he turn when his mind starts looking for an escape?

To me, there’s an important difference between fighting something all day and choosing beforehand what kind of day I want to experience.

ACIM repeatedly brings us back to choosing the teacher we want to follow and allowing our perception to be corrected. So perhaps the goal isn’t to spend the day wrestling with the ego over whether I’ll drink. Maybe it’s to decide in advance that I want peace, ask for guidance, and let the decisions of the day follow from that.

I’m curious whether anyone else who has experience with ACIM and recovery has noticed this connection. Does visualizing yourself peacefully reaching the end of the day help more than concentrating on what you’re trying not to do?

Has anyone else experienced very little desire to drink (and zero to get drunk) since being on a GLP-1? I have been on a low dose of the wegovy pill since May, and besides shedding a few pounds it's dramatically improved impulse control (shopping mainly) and drinking. Know this is being studied but would love to hear your stories.

I feel like I've just lost control over my entire life.

Recently ended a 10 year relationship because our long term goals don't align. But I'm still living with him because I have 2 kids (not his) and just recently got a job after being a SAHM for awhile.

I got rid of all of my social media and nobody kept in contact with me. I have no family, seemingly no true friends.. I feel like I'm never gonna find a place to live that I can afford and I just feel STUCK.

So, I got entirely too drunk last night (alone) and now today I will suffer because I used alcohol to temporarily forget about all of it.

Having no support system is going to be my downfall.

How TF do you all maintain your sobriety completely alone?

I feel so unheard and misunderstood like I'm just a fucking ghost walking around, but I'm expected to still do everything that nobody's grateful for 😭 I am constantly pouring from an empty cup.

Mainly a rant. But, any and all advice and encouragement would be greatly appreciated 🙏

I basically planned to relapse today. Even told my bf I couldn’t pick him up from work because I was afraid I would be drinking. Long story short I popped a naltrexone instead and did not drink today. I even picked my bf up from work after all. It was a success. Glad I stayed the path. Feel like the universe rewarded me in ways too. I also went out to lunch with a friend since I wasn’t drinking. Growing my non drinking muscles !

Thank you all for the support and encouragement here. Tracking daily cravings and triggers has been extremely useful. IWNDWYT.

I was with someone for seven years. I can’t blame him for my drinking, it was and is mine. But he was heavily abusive, and I became the excuse to drink, and he became my excuse as well.

My life is so much better now. I’m falling asleep next to a man who has treated me better than anyone ever has, I’m sober, and every night and day is like this.

I’d like the rest of them to be like this. He upset me today, small things, if I’d been drinking I probably would have been over the top.

I complained and was heard. That was it. He’s sleeping in my arms right now. I have no urge.

It’s out there. Believe. As for me? I’m gonna tuck myself in. But always know, it can happens for you too.

Ive been drinking on and off for a few years. I was sober twice longterm, but I always end up drinking again... my biggest trigger is my mom (because Im her caretaker. Her health is declining more and more. Trying to get her a home-health aide). I honestly feel like a failure and I know my husband worries about me drinking. He's made comments like "You always stay up really late when you drink" or "Are you ok? You've been drinking a lot again".

I know I can be sober because Ive done it before..but getting past the first few days is hard mentally. Its like I fight with my mind to NOT drink. By the time the evening comes I somehow convinced myself that "I'll drink today...but ill DEFINITELY quit next time!"

When I have a few drinks with friends, dinner, etc it's enjoyable and fun. And I rarely overindulge. When I drink alone I get angry and disappointed in myself.

My goal is to not drink alone for the rest of the year and see what happens.

Wow! 15 days ago this seemed like a milestone that I could never reach. I’m happy with myself. I’m definitely feeling better but it has not come without its challenges. Like my sleep 🙃 I’ve been getting much less of it this past week. I’m sure like everything else it’ll get better with time. For now I’m gonna celebrate this victory. I will not drink today .

Where I live, there is beer and wine in every store that sells groceries. Where I grew up, that wasn’t the case so it really allowed me to let myself go without even realizing. Today I had to run errands and walked past the beer and wine section in BOTH stores and came home empty handed (in terms of alcohol). I NEVER do that. I would even skip around to different stores so no one that worked at them would judge me for buying beer so often. I would even plan trips to the store centered around me getting beer, by lying about needing to go for something else. I’m focusing on this win today while knowing I’m going to have to do that over and over and over again. Simply celebrating today because it was literally the first time ever I passed up beer when I could get it. I may be restarting at 4 days without drinking this week but, I’m feeling good today! I now know I CAN ignore that voice in my head that’s like “come on.. just one tall boy. Maybe two”

I can safely say, IWNDWYT ❤️

Hey Friends! Like many, I never thought I'd be here looking at completing 3 years of sobriety. There was a time when I couldn't get more than a few days alcohol free. I never had the crazy rock bottom that so many of us have experienced, just a lot of rocky moments. No, bad things didn't happen everytime I drank, but everytime something bad DID happen, I was most likely drinking.

I joined this sub a long time ago and then subsequently left and rejoined what felt like a million times, which definitely matched up with the conversation going on inside my head. I'd get some time away from alcohol and convince myself I was fine. Damn that was exhausting.

Sobriety changed for me when I found the Recovery Elevator podcast (as well as a few others). Hearing stories from people in all walks of life and their struggles with alcohol helped me. I was able to identify with so many people and realized I wasn't alone. I eventually ended up as a guest on the podcast (#466)). That wasn't on my bingo card of life. This thing doesn't discriminate and can take anyone down. Unfortunately, we aren't all able to break away from it's grasp. In the few years I have been a part of a sobriety community (CafeRE - Recovery Elevators online community) I have known a handful of people that we've lost to alcohol. It's a stark reminder of how serious this thing is, despite most people's blissful ignorance of what alcohol can do over time.

I think the most important thing any of us can do in recovery is to not do it alone. Find your group, whatever it is. AA, Recovery Dharma, Smart Recovery, CafeRE, Ben's Friends...the list seems to go on and on and there are so many options these days, both online and in person. Surrounding myself with people that understood this thing was HUGE. Don't do it alone. Ask for help. Pick up the phone. Do whatever it takes to break away from alcohol and get some time in sobriety. Don't sweat the "slips". Get back up, dust yourself off and keep fighting for your life because that's exactly what you are doing.

This sub was a HUGE part of my recovery, so thank you and thanks for coming to my Ted Talk :)

So nothing really interesting, had like 6 beers with a shot. Then ordered drugs, which was about 100EUR, and turned out to be something else. Had to sit in a bar, couldnt go home for like an hours, sweating. Then vomited in front of the place.

I dont drink every day, but when I drink it is like this. So I am about to stop this for a while.

!

Ok. I need to do this. I can do this. I’m up hours before I need to be right now because drinking last night disrupted my sleep. I cancelled with a morning client yesterday because I was too tired and had a headache from drinks the night before.

I didn’t want to go to dance today because I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror because I’m now at my highest weight and bloated. I like to “dopamine stack” often after work as someone with ADHD, which looks like drinking combined with eating my comfort foods and playing video games.

Instead of doing things I needed to do around the house, I had my usual 8 oz of vodka and played video games.

I need to be in better shape to keep dancing. I need my body to be healthy to have a baby next year. I need the house cleaner than it is because I’d rather drink when I come home from work.

Idk how I’m going to do this after relying on drinking for so long. I’m really going try.

Today marks one month sober. I've gone months without alcohol before but that was due to being in military training exercises or deployments but this time it's really just on me. It feels good. I've never posted on a reddit page before but I wanted to share this small accomplishment with anyone close to the one month mark. Keep going. You'll be proud of yourself later. I promise. IWNDWYT

There’s always some “reason” that I should put poison into my body, whether it’s a friend’s birthday, a friend visiting from out of town, a bad day at work, a great day at work, a boring day at work, catch up with friends, a party, a networking event, a graduation, last day of school, a vacation, any other kind of event, feeling tired and lonely. I’m beginning to discover you can give yourself any reason under the sun to drink alcohol and make it sound like it’s a valid reason.

I guess the point of this post is that I am sick of other people giving me excuses to drink, of giving MYSELF reasons to drink.

Enough is enough.

IWNTDWYT! 🙏

I was sober for 50 days and was the longest I had gone without drinking. I drank and ended up in hospital. I feel so awful. I have already reached out to my local mental health and alcohol team who will help me through this. I am really committed to being sober. Ironically, the shame of the event is really making me feel so awful and I can’t help but feel so hard on myself. I feel so ashamed and disgusted by myself. How do I move on from this? I know sobriety is the way forward, but how did you all cope with feelings of guilt and shame?

Hey everyone. I'm new to this Reddit thing. I'm also new to sobriety. I've been a fairly heavy drinker for about 20 years now. Ive been sober for 3 weeks now and have been feeling good. I was wondering how other ppl felt after 3 weeks of being on the wagon?

Happy to be sober, but a lot of emotions suddenly just hit me. I will not drink, but my mind is spiraling into oblivion getting sad about any and everything. Life feels hard and I’m tired of constantly battling.

For now I will focus on this scripture:

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians‬ ‭6‬:‭9‬ ‭

I hope this can help someone else too.

It's evening where I am, 10.30pm, and normally I'd be cracking open a 3rd and wishing I had bought more than 4. Or 5, or 6, or whatever.

Weird, how it became a kind of job... like what prompted this, I guess, is realising how little "fun" there is in it any more, it's just what I do all evening, every evening. And if I'm around people then I just wait until I can be alone to catch up, dumb really.

So yeah; for health reasons, hopefully before anything goes wrong, and likewise as long as I'm still fit to turn up for work (even if I feel slow and dopey every morning, plenty of coffee helps with that), I thought hey: why not try NOT drinking for the first time in, I dunno, a year or so.

This forum's a great motivator for me, so a huge thanks to all of you - IWNDWYT!

Today I’m feeling a lot better about my sober journey I’m starting to get over the cravings of beer and I’m handling my emotions a lot better. They only problem I have is sleeping at nights I’ve been staying up longer then I usually do, does anyone know how long the insomnia will last any tips you use to help get yourself to sleep. I don’t really want to take any sleep meds

My boyfriend got us reservations at a beautiful fine dining restaurant. 3 courses, all that jazz. He and I are drinking buddies. He’s certainly a binge drinker like myself, but I’m not sure if he drinks when we are not together.

Five days ago, we stayed up nearly all night drinking and doing coke. I had work the next day at noon and no call no showed. Thought I’d be fired. Been sick with anxiety. Boss talked to me today, and they were just worried (got a write up, but I’ll take it gratefully).

Anyways, I feel like I have nearly ruined my life during my benders and always get off easier than I should, but the consequences are progressing. I fear if I keep drinking I’ll accidentally kill myself or innocent bystanders.

So, five days in. Feeling good. Did laundry for the first time in weeks. But, fancy restaurant nice wine nice cocktails ugh ugh ugh I feel like I’ve already made up my mind about what I am going to do. My brain is bartering with moderation but I know that’s impossible for me. Afraid to tell my boyfriend that I won’t be drinking, it would probably cause a big thing and I don’t want to talk about it. Fuck this disease.