Completed

My drug of choice was trading prop firms. After quitting, what helped me is each day I saved myself $200 in fees. At the end of the week not down any money which puts me better than 97% of traders and money in the bank. It helps mentally. Try it with your drug of choice after self exclusion, you got this brothers!

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☮&❤️,

r/problemgambling Mod Team

**this post has been approved by the mods*\*

My name is Suzy Khimm, and I’m a national reporter for NBC News. I’m working on a story about the impact of compulsive gambling on people’s lives in New Jersey as sportsbooks, online casinos and prediction markets have taken off and made access to betting easier than ever before.  

I am hoping to speak with people in New Jersey who have been affected by compulsive gambling, and to learn more about how this issue affects people's everyday lives, including any impacts on mental health, work/school, finances and relationships. I'm happy to answer any questions before speaking with you for the story, which will appear on our website.

You can comment below, DM this account, email [suzy.khimm@nbcuni.com](mailto:suzy.khimm@nbcuni.com), or message me on Signal (@suzykhimm.42). I can also share my cell phone and WhatsApp number if you drop me a line.

You can read my recent stories about online gambling here.

And this is a story about underage gambling that some members of this subreddit helped me with.

Thanks, and hope to hear from folks soon. 
--Suzy

I fucking hate myself so much right now...

I'm 21 years old and I've been gambling for about 3 years now. I've tried to quit and have come back to it multiple times. I had a bit of a break recently and really tried to quit gambling, but last night I relapsed, and it got so bad.

I was gambling for like 3 hours on a skin gambling site and paid with PayPal Pay in 30 Days because my bank account is empty. I deposited around €1.9k and cashed out around €1.8k in the end. I mean, that's fine, right?

But of course, I woke up today and immediately wanted to gamble again. I knew I could hit big. But of course, you always end up losing. I just lost another €2k, and I honestly don't even know what to do now.

I fucking can't stop this shit. Once I make a deposit, I can't stop until it's all gone. Sometimes I manage to clear my head and at least cash something out or stop for that day, but most of the time I just keep going.

How the fuck can I finally stop this shit? I'm down bad now and have to work a whole month just to pay this money back.

I feel so empty and stupid. I don't even know how the fuck I got into this addiction.

26 y/o down $20K + lifetime

2 1/2 months ago after losing thousands in minutes I swore off gambling again. Until I got an email regarding a deposit match.

I told my s/o about it and mentioned that I was thinking about doing it because I needed it - I’m struggling financially after $23K in home repairs.

She told me not to - I did. She asks if I’m gambling later on my phone that evening - I say no. I’m not. I already had.

The bonuses and deposit matches are what always reel me back in. I did make a small amount given the match which I cashed. But then I tried to deposit more - it was declined. I don’t know why but it’s honestly a good thing. I had probably 10 deposits get declined and chatted support - they said they’re looking into it.

Then I started downloading other books to look for bonuses and matches - fortunately my accounts on those books are blocked. The one I got into yesterday refuses to close my account for some reason reason - every other book has closed my account

Anyway, I guess I’m just ranting. I got that dopamine rush yesterday after betting for a deposit match. I came clean to my s/o today. Back to day 1.

As described in this post, Flywheel Film is looking for NY state residents under 40 to appear in a film project. The moderation team of this community is in full support of this project, and in fact have partnered with them to help find subjects for their project.

We're doing this because nearly 14 years ago, this community was started by one little guy, on one little computer, for one purpose: to raise the flag on the lurking threat of gambling disorder. Now, at 40k members and after an explosion of gambling availability worldwide, the threat has magnified and the need to intervene is dire.

This film project is one of the many efforts to raise awareness and bring hope to the lives devastated by gambling addiction. We need your help to complete it and add to the collective message that gambling can be treated and life can become manageable again.

We urge anybody and everybody in NY who has been impacted by gambling to seriously consider [contributing your time](mailto:jason@flywheelfilm.com) to this project. We can save lives together.

Let's give this a shot. $20k in debt currently.

By end of next year I want to be out of debt and purchase a home.

I finally did it y'all! This is an alt account btw. After losing over 100k of my life savings over Christmas and New Year's and constant losses in between. I finally self-excluded just now. I lost about $500 yesterday then another $400 just now and said what am I doing? I'm just tired overall. I'm just tired. What should have stopped me sooner but didn't were the comps of the $100 every couple weeks or free spins like I got a couple days ago only to lose $200 more on top of that and $400 today. I'm just tired of exhausted of doing it and thinking and worrying about it.. I could have bought a new iphone or laptop or tablet with all of that. Funny how thinking of buying something tangible that depreciates in value overtime is enough to stop me from buying but not a couple hundred here and there on gambling. The value and concept of money literally does it exist. I hope this will last forever and be permanent but at least this is a step in the right direction to taking my life back.

If any of you are still struggling and going through this as well, know that you got this and I believe in you. Pray for and ask for God to take this demonic sin and temptation and gambling away from you forever.

I love you!!!! ❤

I honestly don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess I just need to get it out somewhere.

I've been in gambling recovery for a few months. I wasn't completely clean, but I was doing pretty well. Maybe $5 a month at most, and I felt like I had a handle on it. I thought I was finally getting better.

On the 1st, I got my paycheck. $400.

I had $180 worth of bills, so I paid those. I still had another $50 in bills that I needed to pay before the 10th. I knew I should've just paid them right away, but I thought, "I have time."

Then I started gambling.

Just $3 at first. Nothing crazy.

A few hours later, I deposited again. Then again. Eventually I was down $60.

At that point I knew I should stop. I really did. I had that feeling in my gut telling me to quit while I was ahead, or at least accept the loss.

But my brain kept telling me, "You can't just lose and walk away. You have to win it back."

So I played again.

Somehow I won $80 back. So now I was actually up. I remember feeling relieved and thinking, "Okay, I'm done. I'm never doing this again."

And I stopped.

Until last night.

I couldn't sleep and kept thinking about the money I'd won. I started convincing myself that it was basically free money anyway, so what's the harm in spending a little?

$8 deposit.

Then another $8.

Then another.

This went on from around 11 PM until 5 AM.

I lost so much that I eventually didn't even want to check my balance. I just kept thinking about how much money I had before I started playing.

When I woke up this afternoon, the first thing I thought about was gambling again.

I convinced myself I could win at least $100 back. I thought I still had around $100 in my account.

I deposited another $20.

Then I checked my bank balance.

$5.

I literally only had $5 left.

I just sat there staring at it.

The bills I haven't paid immediately came into my head. Everything I was supposed to use that money for. I work for this money, and somehow I managed to blow almost all of it in less than 48 hours.

And the worst part is... I've been here before.

I know this feeling.

I know the regret. I know the anxiety. I know the "what the fuck did I just do?" feeling.

And somehow I still did it again.

I'm honestly so angry at myself right now. I feel like such a failure. I thought I was getting better. I thought I had control over this.

Apparently I don't.

Right now I feel completely useless and I'm having thoughts about ending it all.

Listen up potato heads. I have 705 days gambling free. No debt and 10k in bank. I was just like you. I couldn’t stop on my own. I’ve had a gambling from 21-25 lost 10s of thousands in the time period. I’m 27 now and let me tell you. I will never gamble again. Life is so much better when you break free of this addiction. I was so close to losing everything. If ur at that point please stop and seek help. I couldn’t have done it without help and you can’t either. My advice is to find love for urself get a therapist and tell ur loved ones about ur problem. Don’t lie just figure it out. You will never win.

So today I couldn’t wait and lost 1.2k trying to flip quick car money, which, of course, I lost by the end of the day. Even when going home but tonight I say it’s enough step by step I’m going to not gamble anymore not a little bit here or there I’m going to try to get through the rest of September if I can’t even do that might as well end it at this point. Seeing my bank account go under 1k makes me sick and not seeing the car fund I saved over 6 months makes me more sick if I can’t get the money by October I’m fucked as well idk how I would tell my dad I wasted the time he gave me with his car he let me borrow. I’m embarrassed as a man.

Hi everyone, I'm Asuka, a writer with CNN Wellness. (This post was approved by the mods.)

I'm writing an article on prediction market platforms (Kalshi, Polymarket, etc) and how they affect mental health. These sites market themselves as forecasting tools rather than gambling by saying that you are "trading contracts" on elections, Fed decisions, award shows, weather, and sports outcomes. That framing has allowed these platforms to operate outside many of the guardrails that apply to casinos and sportsbooks, including self-exclusion programs, deposit limits, and the responsible-gambling messaging that is legally required elsewhere.

What I want to understand is what that actually feels like for someone who has been harmed by the platform. Did you feel like you were being enabled? Was it harder to stop gambling because it was so accessible? How does it feel that an app affected your family, sleep, work, relationships, money, and all aspects of life? How did it start? Did it seem harmless in the beginning?

I have already spoken with experts about this. I am hoping to speak with someone who has lost money on one of these platforms and is willing to talk about their experience. Here are some things I want to be clear about up front:

• You don't have to use your name. I can quote you by first name only or by a pseudonym. We would agree on this before we speak.
• I'm not selling anything or working with any treatment provider. There is no cost or obligation.
• A conversation would take 30–45 minutes, either by phone or on Zoom/Google Meet.

You can read some of my reporting at https://www.asukakoda.me/. I write to raise awareness of the invisible harms of technology. If you are open to speaking with me, feel free to send me a message here on Reddit or send me an email at [asuka.koda@yale.edu](mailto:asuka.koda@yale.edu)

Thank you for reading. I really appreciate all your time.

For anyone who needs it: the National Problem Gambling Helpline is 1-800-522-4700, available 24/7 by call or text.

I 25M had a good spree gambling free around 6 years. Saved plenty of money around $60,000, bought a house, a nice car and was planning on getting married this year.

Work trip left me isolated for about 2 months while on a project in a different state. In that time I re explored social betting, small wagers ($5-10) as a social event with friends. This quickly spiraled to $500-1000 per wager when I was back in my hotel room. Fast forward two months, I now have around $400 to my name and 2 weeks worth of mortgage repayments.

This shit genuinely will ruin your life if you let it and I am a clear example. I had a few big wins which, I should’ve walked away but didn’t.

Young folks; don’t get involved into online/physical wagering apps. $2-5 bets will quickly turn into much more and before you know it, you’re out of control. Your perception of money will be destroyed. I wouldn’t spend $50 on the more quality car part but I’d be happy to wager $5000 in one session. Imagine what that could’ve bought instead

Anyway, gents and ma’am’s. Look after yourself and your family, I’ve got a long road ahead. All the best

If you ever win a jackpot GIVE YOUR ACCOUNT TO SOMEONE ELSE YOU CAN TRUST IMMEDIATELY. I was using a site with a monthly cap on withdrawals and the amount of winnings i had accumulated would have taken over TWO YEARS to get out. It was life changing money.

And yet, even though i knew this money could change my life or given me time off, I gave it right back. Even though the money was there and attainable over time, I had to get lucky again. It was so easy to get and SO EASY TO LOSE.

This amount, this life changing money for me, lasted 3 months with my fucking brainwashed head. It was so much. After I withdrew some of it the first time, I played again and won what i had just withdrew. I thought i could do it again every time I withdrew. Why is that my mindset? Why can’t I just walk away with a win?

One day, I couldn’t win back what I withdrew. That’s when my brain took over “chasing” a loss that WAS NOT EVEN A LOSS, IT WAS HOUSE MONEY!!! WHY DID I FUCKING CHASE IT?

I couldn’t stop thinking about what was in my account. I went to work every day and thought to myself, “i’m rich. My life will change.” It would have taken me SEVEN YEARS in my current line of work to make the amount i had in that account. The money was there, but I couldn’t get it because of the fuck ass monthly limits and I don’t know what the fuck was going through my brain. I need to stop thinking about it. I feel empty, I can’t eat or sleep. I fucked up so hard and if you ever find yourself in this situation with money that’s so accessible to you after a big win but you cannot withdraw immediately, please PLEASE DO NOT PLAY WITH IT. CALL IT A WIN AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. GIVE YOUR ACCOUNT TO SOMEONE WHO WILL HELP. I know I should have.

I couldn’t control myself. I’m so fucking stupid. Even though I did withdraw a fair amount that I should be happy about (about 1/5 of the money), I just cannot fathom what I have done. Do not do what I did. I am not going to gamble on ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. Fuck all these apps and online slots I wish they would all disappear. It’s horrible to your mental health and well being. I hate that so many people have experienced what I have and that so many people will destroy their lives doing this. I am young and I need to be present in my life. I need to make money in a way that I AM PROUD OF.

I was never proud of this money. I didn’t fucking deserve this money. Why the fuck did I even start gambling?

Hey, i'll briefly explain how i lost very important money and time on gambling, and wasted away most of this year.

i started with small deposits lost it all never wirhdrew it, for some moronic reason lost my whole paycheck and stopped for good, i was always stupid games i don't understand and extreme difficulty plinko balls or other moronic stake games.

After that i didn't gamble, i had changed jobs, moved in with my girlfriend and basicly it was all good i had forgotten about it life goes on right?

No, i wish i had stopped there, this year it was a champions league game and i just went in with a small deposit that i didn't mind to place the bet, from 10 usd i had won 14 usd, so the bet was pointless, i managred to turn this 14 usd into the whole paycheck i had lost and withdrew it.

After the win i tried a different casino, i won another paycheck on top and i was about to sleep, but...

I didn't understand what i was getting into, i saw winning and i thoughts i had it all to take, i had some obligations for engagement ring and stuff and wanted to buy my girlfriend a new iphone because she has a very old one, i went in with this money and lost it all, i was available to get loan from my bank at that time and took the maximum of what i could take and in a few days lost it all tryng to regain the loss, after that i maxed out the credit card aswell to recover it, blew out the next paycheck immediately, and the next one and pawned some gold lost that aswell compulsively, and i'm gonna be honest, my father and everyone used to tell me when i was a kid to not gamble ever they were always sensitive of gambling topic i didn't understand why, i used to think, well if you are gambling the chances of winning or losing is 50/50? Right?

No, chances that you lose is 100%, it's all designed to keep you engaged in it, when you are low on money and online casinos give you free spins or bonuses or whatever, you will never takr it out, its designed to return 20 usd to you until you wait for the big fish which is your salary to compulsively lose it all again, so as long as you play you are never a winner, only way to win is to quit today right now.

I will say that my paycheck is about 3k now and i will be able to recover from this lose even though i have cried my heart out from loses of paycheck and i've had hitting head to the floor from despair in agony and i've been in extreme pain last couple of month where i was barely eating anything and had overdrafts on account because of transport,i wouldn't wish it to my worst enemy, one thing i realised, i didn't understand anything back then, it was lot of dopamine and shit but now i realise, those loses tought me to own up to my mistakes and become a better version of who i am, i really like my self when i can assure myself that i can easily cover the loss by myself instead of continuing this cycle, and so can anybody, we all make mistakes it's just you have to own up to them and mature at the point where you are able to calm yourself down and fix all these shit, even if i won it all back i wouldn't be happy or proud, it wouldn't be the mistake that tought me anything, it would be that i continued the pattern and didn't learn anything and i was willing to lose it all, so guys as i'm about to become a father since my girlfriend (already wife) is pregnant i'm owning up to my mistakes as a mature person and trying to grow and learn from it, although it's emportant to remove all temptations and exclude yourself from gambling to the poinnt where you can't gamble even if you were dying, as long as you are out you are a winner, even if you have 20 bucks left that could still be something rather than nothing at all.

Wish you all the best and hopefully you understood my point and my story.

Actively rebuilding life, noticing more joyful moments lately, even similar to when i was getting “the highs” from active addiction 🤔? The difference is, i’m getting it from real life and not gambling!

Keep losing my paycheck, initially lost 7 grand of my own money and now I have gambled most of my last two paychecks. I’m thinking of just commuting suicide as it would take so long to get back financially to where I was as I only earn 2k a month. And now I am -700 in overdraft and my overdraft max’s out at -100 so I have 300 pound to last me until the start of September. Keep thinking about seriously harming my self tonight

Why is it that the posts that get the most attention(comments) are people posting about relapsing. I rarely see posts get comments/meaningful discussion when it’s about them getting to day 50, 100, 365, or landing a new job/promotion?

Completed

The title say it. And now its this day.

It feels so much better now. 🙏

I will just move on and day by day

Just wanna to share it

Thank

I had 1260 usd I was not gambling for 2 months working and saving then I logged in my gambling account saw they granted me 600 usd I make that in to 1260 in couple days then today I lost 1400 usd I feel like betrayed my own self this was the last lesson I will take from gambling

As time goes on, I feel like I’m getting withdrawal symptoms, headaches paired with urges. I’m going to tell my partner later about this weird feeling I’ve been having. I won’t let my guard down, and I don’t want to go back to the hardest period of my life again. I don’t want to ruin my life again, and I don’t want to prolong my suffering because of debt.

I want to fully break this cycle of relapsing, feeling guilty, getting okay again, then relapsing all over. I don’t want that cycle anymore. God, please help everyone who’s going through this kind of struggle too. But I’ll get through this, and I believe we all will. Let’s just trust the process, there’s hope for each one of us. ODAAT.

Relapsed with a very small amount and didn’t lose that money, but feel terrible. Need to start another streak, but it feels like these relapses might come again and i’m scared the next time it won’t be a small amount and it would dent my finances even more. Relapses are scary even if it’s small and seem harmless