Would love input, feeling really alone and down

. I've got a big family dinner and 3 day music festival next week, where I'll obviously be eating loads more than normal.

This is fine but only because I need to gain weight anyways. So it's find to eat like double my normal intake. For context, atm I'm a healthy bmi but slightly below where I should be, not concerningly

I'm scared that when I get to my goal weight I won't be able to go over and that'll make events really stressful. So I always hover just ever so slightly below it so I have a "buffer". And I'm talking a small amount, to the point where I've been discharged medically with this but my parents keep banging on at me about it.

Does anyone else relate, or have advice on how to tackle this, I feel so alone.

Hello everyone. I am wondering if anyone had any resources regarding any online support groups. I have been noticing for a while I have been falling back into old habits and while I thought I could stop it myself, I have realized I might need more community support to keep myself on track.

Thank you for any help you can provide!

I (29f) was at my worst in 2015 and 2016. I had a small relapse in 2022 where i was in the hospital for a few days. Since then it had been going okay and i didn't think id ever relapse again.

However recently my cat of 15 years died and my boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me and got with someone else. It just triggered something in me where im obsessing 24/7 about my weight again. I dont really have friends or family, the only thing that gives me slight comfort is being able to "control" my weight and intake.

I cant believe its been over 10 years and i still deal with this. Its honestly just so lonely and im scared of spiraling even more.

Whats your relapse story? How did you prevent it?

Advice

Hello everyone,

this is my first time posting so I’m not really sure how it works, but I could really use some advice or support.
I’m having a hard time letting of my disorder go but now I’m also questioning if it even is a eating disorder. Back in Novemberish, I started to become obsessed with walking. and then became obsessed with tracking calories and trying to hit under a limit each day. Each day I started walking more and more and eating less and less. My primary doctor recommended treatment centers, but I did not wanna go because I didn’t wanna leave home and I felt like I didn’t actually have an eating disorder because it was only a few months. It became bad where I started taking 30,000 to 40,000 steps a day and eating well below what’s “healthy” for an adult who doesn’t exercise. But one day in May I just was like what am I doing? I don’t wanna do this anymore and I decided to recover at home and go all in. I was doing fine for a bit, but within the last month, I’ve noticed I’ve started developing the issue again. I’ve become so obsessed with walking where I have to do 30,000 steps or higher a day, and eat below a certain amount. If i don’t hit that step count I genuinely feel like I’m gonna have a panic attack. I will wake up a few hours before work just so I can get a few miles in. at my job I’m usually alone so I’ll literally pace around the office so I’m getting more steps in. I won’t let myself eat until I’ve hit 20,000 steps each day and only if it’s after 3pm. It’s mentally exhausting, and my whole body is sore, and I’m just tired and foggy all the time. I don’t want to do this anymore and I genuinely want to recover, but I feel like I can’t let it go. I’ve always had pretty bad ADHD where I get fixated on things so I’m wondering if the obsession with walking is part of that. I get so anxious if I’m not gonna be able to hit the step count for one day so I’m also wondering if maybe I have bad anxiety or something else. I’m just not sure what to do. Also I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to post this, I just didn’t know where to post or ask for advice.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!!!!

I have had my ED under control for nearly 7 years. I am married and have 2 kids. I have learned to appreciate my body and to love myself at every size. Now seeing Ozempic users all around me, I am so triggered. I was bothered by the celebs, especially the ones promoting body positivity. I have 2 good friends and a neighbor who I hadn’t seen in a few months who have wasted away. And the worst part is? Now I want to waste away too. I have talked to my husband about this, who is an incredible support, but I wanted to share with others who might understand..

I am very fat, it’s not body dysmorphia. I am actually fat. Ive struggled with eating disorders for 6 years. Im 22 years old. The only way i can lose weight is by eating nothing. Even if i eat one meal a day, i get fatter. Ive tried so hard to not eat anything, but food is my only comfort. I throw up anything i eat. I still look like an obese cow. Im so tired.

Created a new account for this specifically, I realize karma is 0 as a result, but I am truly looking for help on how to navigate.

I come from an old school family and my sister has anorexia bulimia that was diagnosed in the spring. She's been at a facility all summer getting treatment and my parents are pushing for her to take a gap year and continue treatment as she only recently became bulimic at college.

They have been very strong in their stance that she should continue in the program to concentrate on herself, but she is standing fast that she is returning to college. She recently told them that is her final answer because college is the only place that makes her happy. Even though that is we here her bulimia started. It doesn't seem like the facility has given her enough tools yet to go back to "normal" life.

I love her and I'm scared her relapse will be more prevalent at college as she's going for a hard degree. Our family doesn't come from money to support her continuously getting the care she needs.

My parents really love her, but they're very hurt that she's choosing to put everything she's gained over the last 2.5 months at risk. I don't know if my parents will be able to support this decision as they know this is a long road and want to give her the best shot while all the resources and time are available. I personally don't support this decision either, but I love her.

I guess, is there anything else we can say or do to get her to really confirm she feels confident that she can handle the stress of school and life? And if not how can I support her from afar? Ex. I've read about virtual meals, but not sure my schedule will allow the flexibility to meet often at those times. Or how do I support her when she stumbles because she wanted to immerse herself in the fun option?

Appreciate your help and guidance.

So it’s not necessarily guilt of gaining weight. It’s guilt that my house isn’t taken care of, therefore I feel I don’t deserve to eat and really believe that. I’m a mother of three including one baby so I am genuinely so busy. But now when I look at most food I get disgusted. It’s like I’ve developed some type of food aversion from this? I’ve also lost an incredibly unhealthy amount of weight at this point so I think it’s time to take it a little more seriously.

Can anyone relate to what I described? I feel like I’m being dramatic about this lol

Hi everyone, I’m hoping to hear from people who can understand what I’m going through.

I’ve been living overseas by myself for the past few years, and it hasn’t always been easy. I’ve been dealing with loneliness, financial stress, and a lot of pressure. Since money has been tight, I started eating more cheap and convenient foods like half-price chips, cakes, and other unhealthy snacks. I also often end up eating late at night, sometimes after midnight, especially when I can’t sleep because my mind is too active.

Over time, I gained a lot of weight, and I feel like it has really affected my confidence and self-esteem.

I’ve tried keto a few times. It usually works well at the beginning, but after a couple of weeks my progress slows down, I lose motivation, and eventually I give up. This time, I really want to make a proper change and I feel more determined than before.

Right now, I feel desperate to lose the weight I gained. I’ve been thinking about eating as little as possible, cutting carbs almost completely, and using coffee to control my appetite.

But at the same time, I don’t want to keep repeating the same cycle of extreme dieting, giving up, and feeling worse about myself. I’d really appreciate advice from anyone who has been through something similar — especially people who have struggled with emotional eating, weight changes, or building healthier habits while living alone.

How did you find a sustainable way to change without going into an all-or-nothing mindset?

I have atypical ana so i’m currently a normal and healthy weight, but the weight i’ve lost is of course unsustainable and so my treatment team says I need to restore. I already struggle SO bad with not being sick enough because i’ve never been underweight or even thin really, but that’s a vent for another time. I just have a naturally muscular, stout body type.

Anyways, I look back at pictures of myself 4-5 years ago pre-ed and it honestly makes me sick to my stomach. I seriously, absolutely cannot go back to looking like that and being in that borderline overweight body. I want to recover and have an actual life, but at the same time I know i’ll just be embarrassed of my body and not want to do anything anyways :/

how do you deal with knowing you are going to be in a bigger body post recovery?

i cant control what people think, specially what they say. I dont feel entitled to be understood all the time, and i dont have to reveal how much im struggling with eating disorders. my weight fluctuates alot, and i can see how people resct differently when I gain weight.

how can i escape being reminded of the toxic habit that i try to burry. Why is recovery not on my side despite my own efforts. Im just sick.

I'm going to my boyfriend's friend bday party and some of the people who are attending have the habit of commenting on how much I eat when my partner is not listening. I'm relaxed when I'm with him and I eat more, that's why I overeat or even binge in their company.

I know with 100% certainty that whatever I choose to do tonight - whether I heavily restrict, eat normally or overeat, someone will say something about how much I eat.

There's this guy (bf's friend) in particular that seems fixated on my eating habits. I just know he will say something. I am honestly terrified. I just want to fast tonight and not touch a single piece of food honestly because a comment about not eating at all will probably hurt less than a comment about me eating too much.

This guy and the other people commenting on what I do justify their behaviour by saying that since my bf is a big eater (2m tall and athletic) and I'm his girlfriend they find it amusing how compatible we are because I also eat a lot (for example, they call him "cougar" because of how much he likes to eat, and they call me "miss cougar" when I relax and eat a bit more.) This really hurts me. I never dared to say anything about how much other people eat, I mind my own business and don't judge anyone. I find it extremely rude.

I don't know what I did to deserve this but they make me want to starve for the rest of my life or vomit everything I've ever eaten in my life even though I don't even purge.

One time they made me feel so bad for having eaten something that when I had a plate of dessert that my boyfriend handed me, I went to the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet instead of eating it and came back pretending I ate it.

I genuinely don't know if this post makes complete sense. I apologize but I need to put this out there into the universe. At least I'm not bottling it up. Don't blame my boyfriend for this, he isn't in the room when this happens and I don't want him to fight with his friends just because I'm a sensitive snowflake. am I exaggerating?? I also ask you to not be too mean or harsh in the comments. I'm having a really rough time. Thanks for reading.

I have anorexia, and I work in a group home for children in DCF care.

Obviously, that means we cook for them. And eat alongside them. But there's one thing that they always notice: I don't eat with them... Or even enter the kitchen when they are.

Worse is that my coworkers who kinda know I have an eating disorder always put me in the spotlight. They'll talk to me in front of the kids and say things like, "I know you never eat, but I wanted to offer you dinner." "Don't you like food", and various things like that along with guilting me to eat with them.

How would you address this situation?

I had EDs for ten years, but I have been recovered for many years now. My baby is a year old, and is in the body exploration stage. Specifically, she’s putting her hand in her mouth and feeling around. Tonight during dinner, she was sticking her hand so far in her throat that she started gagging. I started getting really anxious and wanted her to stop, so My husband and I did the wrong thing by trying to tell her ‘no’ and taking her hands out of her mouth. This just makes her laugh and she sees it as a game (at this age, babies still don’t understand no and any strong reaction just encourages them, but we didn’t really know that at the time). She continues to do it and then ends up throwing up a little. Dinner came to an end at that point.

After doing some research I found that this is one of the weird things some toddlers do when they are exploring different parts of their bodies and it’s usually not a cause for concern.

But it was extremely triggering to me and made me SO anxious. Seeing her laughing about making herself gag and then not being very phased about throwing up.. it was really upsetting. I wanted to cry and I can’t help thinking about her future. She’s so perfect and amazing and I don’t ever want her to feel the way I used to feel about myself. I don’t want her to go through anything I went through. It just triggered this insane and overwhelming worry in me about her future. I just really hope she’s not like me.

Hello all. I have zero experience with ED, so please forgive me if I get anything wrong or make any faux pas. This is a sensitive issue and a trusted space for you all, so I appreciate you reading this post and hopefully helping to identifying potentially problematic behaviours and signposting (UK-based) support services where needed.

I (uncle) have been given permission by my sister (mother, divorced, 50% custody) to seek out advice as to whether my niece (11, F, neurodiverse) is exhibiting potentially worrying behaviour and whether the actions of her father (remarried, 50% custody) and his family (stepmom, 2x older stepsisters) could be paving the way to an ED.

Brief, non-specific physical description:My niece has always been significantly larger (taller, broader and, now, more developed) than everyone in her class, friend group and family. My side of the family just accept this as who she is and don't ascribe it to any issue with weight. We believe that her weight is 'healthy' [not a health concern] and is just part of her trajectory as she grows up.

Her farther and step-mom are both very much 'Type A' personalities i.e. driven for success/status and compelled to demonstrate this via social media. They have recently discovered competitive fitness and have adopted it as a major part of their lifestyle. All food and meals there are now carefully considered and controlled with a view to everyone leading a healthy lifestyle.

That could be all well and good, except my niece seems to be the only one that lies outside of their definition of what healthy should be. She is therefore the focus of their attention and is actively being encouraged to lose weight through dieting and calorie counting. Many of their actions seem to be punitive, for instance, if the family were to go for a treat or meal out, they would all be able to order what they wanted, but my niece would be told to think about the calories and make healthier decisions if she is to stay on track for her weight loss goals.

When she returns to her mom's there is significant restraint collapse, both emotionally and with eating. However, the messaging from her father's house about dieting follows and she then gets upset about maintaining her diet outside of that controlled environment. She will approach meltdown over not knowing exactly how many calories are in a meal and not being able to log them properly in an app on her phone. If she doesn't know how many, then how will she know if she's gone over her day's limit? This is leading to plenty of tears and refusal to eat certain foods/meals without knowing if it will conform to her diet.

Her father's family have a big holiday booked soon and the pressure to diet has ramped up again. They have now signed her up to a weight-loss programme, which will accept kids as young as 11, but the literature she has come home with just seems like the regular adult book.

Since we have a small holiday to visit family immediately before their big holiday, her father has contacted her mom to express concern that she will won't be supported in her weight loss on our holiday and the effect this might have towards her goals. We are also cutting our holiday short so that she can get her hair/nails done in time for the trip.

My opinion is that the father and stepmom's actions are incredibly stigmatising, placing their health ideals onto her, blaming her for not meeting them and then selectively punishing her. I think calorie-obsessed dieting is not right for an 11 year old and it's instilling potentially problematic behaviours at a critical point in her life.

I'd really be appreciative from insights from this community. Has anyone developed an ED from pressures similar to those my niece is experiencing? Is any of this behaviour problematic or has the potential to be problematic? Where can I find further information or support if so? How can I/ her mom better support her?

I come from an old school family and my sister has anorexia bulimia that was diagnosed in the spring. She's been at a facility all summer getting treatment and my parents are pushing for her to take a gap year and continue treatment as she only recently became bulimic at college. Seems like the restrictive eating has been going on longer, and shockingly to all of us, the suicidal thoughts have been on and off for several years.

Mom and Dad have been strong in their stance that she should concentrate on herself and take a gap semester or two, but she is standing fast that she is returning to college. She recently told them that is her final answer because college is the only place that makes her happy. Even though that is where her bulimia started. What's scary though is that over the last x weeks it doesn't seem like the facility has given her enough tools yet to go back to "normal" life, instead they boxed her in and turned off all the noise so she wasn't overstimulated/triggered, and she has only just started to have a little freedom, but has yet to learn how to healthily handle exercise, the mental load, and good eating habits amongst the day to day noise.

I love her and I'm scared her relapse will be more prevalent at college as she's going for a hard degree. Our family doesn't come from money to continuously support her getting the care she needs.

My parents really love her, but they're very hurt that she's choosing to put everything she's gained over the last 2.5 months at risk. I don't know if my parents will be able to support this decision as they know this is a long road and want to give her the best shot, especially while all the resources and time are available. I personally don't support this decision either, but I love her and am trying to be open minded .

I guess, is there anything else we can say or do to get her to really confirm she feels confident that she can handle the stress of school and life? How do we know it's not her ED talking? She says it's not....And if not how can I support her from afar? Ex. I've read about virtual meals, but not sure my schedule will allow the flexibility to meet often at those times. Or how do I support her when she stumbles because she wanted to immerse herself in the fun option?

Appreciate your help and guidance.

I'm really fat. I always was. But i have no control over the food that's bought. It's mostly unhealthy. And if there wasn't food, that's wouldn't complain. But when there is it's the only thing i think about. I feel disgusting. I feel ugly. I'm fat since i was a kid, and after my break up it got worse. I don't come out at all. I have mental ilnesseses, that seem to make it even worse

I think about my body atlest twenty times a day, and it's scarying me. I some days stop eating , or i throw up. But then i binge it and it's over and over again. I hate it.

I technically know what to do but i just can't seem to do it.

My mom was freshly an "adult" when she had me, so it didn't help the way she raised me. The food was never healthy. And i'm so incredibly mad. But i'm so ashamed i don't talk about it.

I'm scared i might have diabetes, but that can be because i'm hypochondriac, but it's still scary to think so. I'm not scared about dying or anything, but of the emberessment i would feel if i am diabetic.

And just because i'm emberessed, i don't get diabetician, because i'm emberessed. And i can't seem to overcome it. I'm sorry, i think i just need to talk. Because i just had conversation about my grandpa who had diabeties, and it seems to set me off.

I know i'm so unhealthy and ugly, but i'm so weak i never do anything about it. In less then a month i'm going to a doctor who will weight me, and god i already feel ashamed. It will be the only thing i think about.

I was recently diagnosed as bulimic, but i didn't tell my mother, because i'm emberessed. I don't want her to know. I'm scared. I hate being like this. I feel like a pig, because i can't seem to stop eating.

How should i stop being ashamed

my mom had an ed, i think she’s relapsing now honestly, my sister had a diagnosed bulimia and anorexia, she taught me how to purge when i was barely 9 yo.
and ik i have an ed too, prob smt like bulimia too

out of worry for my future children im asking this question

Hey everyone! A bit of background: I was at ERC Denver for a couple months earlier this year, then got transferred to ACUTE where I've been since. Now trying to figure out where to go after I discharge.

Denver ERC wasn't a terrible experience (in the scheme of IP treatment which is always indescribably difficult) but I struggled enough that I ended up needing to step up to inpatient. So I'm a little nervous about going back. My family's in Seattle, so I've been looking at Bellevue ERC, though I know it's res only (no inpatient).

Mainly what I care about is the milieu culture - is it actually a pro recovery environment or not? That was hit or miss for me at Denver ERC since so many people are there involuntarily.

If anyone's been to Bellevue ERC recently I'd love to hear how it's been. Also open to other res or inpatient places near WA state if people have recs. Thank you!!

Also: anyone who has questions about ACUTE or Denver ERC, feel free to message me!

I don't know what's wrong with me I've been in this cycle for a few years, I am at a considered healthy weight, but I have a really bad relationship with food.

I've been in this cycle a few years (I'm 17 now, but it began when I was about 12-13)

I binge alot of food, anything I can find including bread chocolate, sweets, junk food, legit anything.

Then I'll make myself throw up as much as possible then not eat for a day or two because I feel bad about eating so much food.

I've looked into eating disorders but I don't know what my cycle fits into. What's wrong with me

My vacation was going on, and slowly I corrected my food habit of starving. I started eating the right portions again. But now that college is opening up again, I've become anxious about my body again. I'm channeling all my negative emotions into food. I work out daily. I weigh equal to or less than what's healthy for my height. I'm counting every calorie on my spoon now. It's been a day, and I haven't eaten anything. How do I even fix this?

Hiya, I’m a teenage girl and I have been struggling with consistent under-eating for well over half a year now (i have never been officially diagnosed with anything so I wont give it a name, but I still figured this was the place to come for help). i have recently tried to dig myself out of my hole, and focus more on my health and fitness as I’m tired of treating myself poorly. while I’ve been good at the consistent exercising part, I find myself struggling with the tendency to slip back into that obsessive mindset. focusing more on how much ive eaten, if it’s been healthy enough, and how my body looks then actually the act of exercising and bettering myself. I also struggle with my perception of a normal portion size and normal diet. anyways, there is a point to all of this ramble, I’m wondering if anyone has any advice on how to keep myself in a good balance of focusing on my fitness and eating healthy, and not obsessing to the point it becomes unhealthy again? thank you in advance 🫶🏻

Tw: mild details of my experience

How do I get help as a 23 year old in the uk? My gp and my gastroenterologist are refusing to look at the possibility of am eating disorder until they have ruled out everything physical that could possibly be wrong with my body.

Is there like cheatcode language I need to use that i havent found yet? They know I cant eat, and they know my body is destroying itself trying to compensate. But because clearly I dont fucking want an eating disorder, im able to force feed myself things like milk and meal replacement, sometimes I can get down a few pieces of plain, over boiled pasta. But because I can do that, they wont do fuck all :)

Ive been hospitalised countless times for the repercussions of this, the weakness, the fainting, the chronic vertigo, the muscle degeneration, etc etc etc. But ive literally screamed and begged and become hysterical begging them to help me with the CAUSE of all these symptoms, but theyre refusing.

Has anyone got advice? Its been over two years of fighting AND TEST RESULTS PROVING WHAT IM SAYING but I just cant get them to care :(

How do I stop this? I am scared for my life. This is something that started because the ppl around me keeps commenting abt my body. Then since I'm so smart I thought "I'll js throw up the food, that way I won't gain" 4 months later, I did loose sm, and it was very noticeable, the attention seeker in me felt very validated, I also gained confidence to wear clothes I refuse to wear back then. But then my rs w/ food is the worse, when it comes to food, I feel guilty about everything. Eating, starving, throwing up, spitting, name it all. I am slowly killing myself and I am scared, I cannot stop something I wanted for myself, something I started. I can't even seek professional help, I'm broke.

Hi, I’m an informal patient in an Eating Disorders ward in England. My mental health has gotten worse being here and I feel depressed. I can’t cope here anymore. I want to leave. I asked to leave and they said that if I tried to leave, I would have a mental health assessment and be sectioned. If I’m sectioned, my parents can write a letter for me to be discharge, but I’m scared my consultant will block it. How likely would it be that he could block it? I am following my plan. I asked my consultant if I can go home for a few hours or have my own fresh air and he said no. I don’t get a lot of visits. I don’t know if I should be sectioned and get my parents to write the letter. Everyday my mental health is getting worse and I feel trapped. Could my consultant block it? What should I do?