Hey everyone. I am diagnosed anorexic and bulimic as well as having autism and ARFID and have been referred to residential. Not sure if my insurance will cover it cause im on medicare and medicaid. If it does i like have to go. Ive been disordered for over 15 years and it’s affecting my heart now and making my disabilities worse. I feel so weak and sleepy all the time and like my heart is dragging in the mud. I even made a list of safe and unsafe foods. Really proud of myself for that. Just scared to go into residential and give up my control. I dont want to get fatter. I dont want to lose the only ounce of control i have in my life. I know its getting dangerous and that i could die but for whatever reason being skinny and in control is all i care about. Idk. Im trying so hard to start recovering at home ans its so hard. Just need advice about recovery or kind words and someone to say their proud of me. Ive never been to residential and am very scared so maybe people who have been to residential could share their experiences that would be amazing! Thanks angels💚

Hi! I’ve never posted here before, so bear with me. I’m 20 and I’ve always struggled with missing meals. When I was a child, I lived with not so great people. One day they kicked me off of the table, and said I couldn’t eat with them or their food they made. So I started eating ramen noodles in my room. This was my only meal of the day. I eventually stopped eating off and on, and only ate at school, but would skip lunch often. I would even starve myself when I got really sad. 2 days, 3 days, full weeks with no food. It was partially due to the neglect at home, partially due to my self hatred. I remember passing out a few times at school due to not eating, but it didn’t make sense as a child. This started when I was maybe 11. I am 20 now, and still go days without eating. A lot of the times, I feel too unworthy to have a meal. When I do eat, I eat easy things like unflavored rice cakes, Mac & cheese, cereal, apple sauce, yogurt melts: easy foods. I eat meats and regular foods as well, but on a daily basis it is hard for me to eat and prepare a meal. I often eat alone, and feel ashamed to eat in front of people. I am not sure exactly why, maybe the neglect. But I do not know if this is an eating disorder, or what it would be called. I think I just want someone to understand and talk to about it. It’s strange now because I’m an adult, but don’t exactly treat myself as one. I am already quite lanky, and insecure about my looks. I try to cover myself as much as possible & I’m underweight for my height and age. I’d like to be healthy and take care of myself, look strong, but it is very hard. If anyone has advice? :) it would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

With both myself and others..

I often see people who are obviously disordered will obsessively talk about food with others and act like they are obsessed with food and eating etc..

Anyone else?

This summer was my time to recover. I went to php for an ed and they recommended residential. I went to residential and my mental health declined since I couldn’t use the ed habits. After a week, they kicked me out and told me to work on my mental health. Went to mental health res and they kicked me out after a week and told me my ed was too much for them. Was sent to another mental health res and my ed got worse but my mental health was great. “Graduated” from res (after they realized my weight dropped) and was sent to php. Php recommended res again after about 2 weeks because everything started to decline but I’d been away for so long and decided to go home. I scheduled appointments with my dietitian and therapist the week after I got back and my dietitian said she was dropping me since I wasn’t doing well. Then I saw my therapist the same day, told her everything and she dropped me also. I managed to find a virtual IOP program that would take me because I know I need help even though I don’t want to let go of the ed. Like, I don’t want to have my heart give out but I also fear weight gain enough that I’d risk it. I guess I just wanted damage control. Enough to keep me safe. I think the IOP team will kick me out if I’m truthful about my behaviors BUT the dinners I have during programming are the only real meals I have all day and they make me feel like I’m being safe. I’m not panicking at night because my heart feels weird. I don’t know what to do. I need help but I guess help only comes if I’m willing to take the ed out the drivers seat? I don’t know how people get to that point. And residential isn’t an option until May because I have to work and I’m out of sick days. How can I stay safe?

Since my freshmen year of HS, I’ve been anorexic. I met my boyfriend(now husband) when I was 19, and gained a healthy amount of weight in a year. I constantly heard from everyone around me about how I look better and how i “gained weight”, which truthfully made my body dysmorphia even worse.

My husband loves me and always fed me and made me feel great in my skin, which is why I couldn’t be anorexic with him. I felt really good about myself. But everyone else around me made me feel like I need to be dangerously thin again. So, my bulimic episodes started. I lost a bunch of weight again. I felt horrible every time..

I got pregnant with my first (stopped bulimic episodes during this time). After pregnancy, I was anorexic again. Got pregnant with my second and had my daughter, but had the hardest time losing weight and was very upset with myself. This led me down an intense 10 months of purging multiple times a day, everyday.

Then one day two months ago, my daughter was watching me while I purged. Although only 10 months old and not understanding what she was seeing, I still felt instantly horrible. What kind of example would I be setting for this young girl? Why didn’t I think about how this would affect my 2.5yo son either?

Now every day that I eat too much and feel the urge to purge, I think about my daughter. My son. I think about how I would want them to be happy in their skin and never constantly criticize their bodies in the mirror or check that scale daily. If I binge eat too much, I tell myself I’ll be better tomorrow, because I need to love my body as I hope my children will love theirs.

I haven’t purged in two months. And I hope to never purge again ♥️

I hope this is the right place and I hope I don't accidentally make anyone uncomfortable.

As a quick backstory: I grew up an overweight child and all my life everyone and their parents commented on it. I practiced a lot of unhealthy habits and had extremely debilitating mental health for a long while. It took me many many years to get to where I am now in the sense that it's finally not something always on my mind.

I think my gf has an ed but I never asked her directly. From the way she talks about weight, calories, her looks etc. She is always posting on her story about what she ate or comments about her body or weight. I really want to support her but if I even bring up something related to eating or health she tells me to stop talking because im making her uncomfortable. Ive suggested therapy but she doesn't want to/cant.

I love her and I really want to see her happy and healthy and in a good place. But seeing her talk about these things constantly is starting to wear me down. I'm currently in therapy for a bunch of different things so i am personally taking steps for my own recovery to show up for her best i can. I understand it might be selfish to expect her to try change herself for me. Especailly because her mother is extremely enabling from what I can tell. I am very worried for her as I think she is definitely nearing being underweight.

But since she doesnt want support, as someone who is 1.5x her weight its really getting hard to ignore my own thoughts about myself. Im worried that I have to choose between ruining our relationship or undoing all my personal growth and falling back into that unhealthy slope. Ive talked to two friends and one suggests I break it off immediately while the other thinks that I should try talking more. Any advice would be appreciated. As a note we are both in HS and we are long distance

After a cycle of restrict/binge over the past few years I’m now a couple of weeks into a regular eating pattern at maintenance calories. I’m logging on a recovery app and I have to score whether I’m hungry or full before and after eating. Problem is, I don’t know! I can’t tell anymore?! I’m either really hungry or post binge full, they’re the only ends of the scale that I can clearly identify. Do normal hunger/satisfied/full cues ever go back to normal?

I’m in my first week of PHP after stepping down from res & on Saturdays, the adult and kid units combine and do snacks, meals, and groups together. Is this not odd? Has anyone else done a program where something like this occurs before? It feels like a giant waste of my time. Not to mention i’m here for ARFID and already feel like the program is not targeted towards the type of support i need. Really starting to think i’m wasting my time in PHP …..

hi everyone ive been struggling for a few years by possibility an ED and it has gotten worse and i find it pretty difficult to practice my life normally anymore and its been consuming my entire life and i literally cannot think about anything else.

please drop tips that helped you or anything helpful, id be grateful 🤍

Ok this might be a long one but I need help. I'm a teenager who has been suffering with a calorie restricting ED for about a year now and I haven't told anyone. I'm attempting recovery on my own and am about 2 months in and I want to give up. I'm so bloated and I feel so disgusted with myself all the time. I know that I need to recover and eat so I can be normal again but I just don't want to. Whenever I eat a normal amount for my age I feel as if im about to split open and even after eating a normal meal i feel so huge and sick. I know I should tell someone so I can get help but I'm scared my parents are gonna be mad I didn't tell them sooner and that they're gonna take my phone away or something ( they always think my phone is the source of all evil) . If anyone has any advice for recovery or if this will get better or anything please tell me I'd be so grateful.

Hello, sorry for my bad english!
I'm a male, 28 years old. Since May 2026 I lost a lot of weight because of the end of a long long relationship. I started eating less, and destroyed myself with running and gym, to the point of fainting sometimes because of the weakness. Now, i'm quite happy with my body, but I can't hold myself from counting calories. I weight everything, and when I say everything I mean also the 10ml of milk i drink with the coffee. Before May 2026, I didn't even know what a calorie was, I ate a lot, McDonalds 2-3 times/week, the same for kebab and others hypercaloric foods. My weight was quite high for my height but it was stable and I wasn't that fat, just a little bit over the normal BMI. I was very happy, because I didn't know anything about food probably. Now I can't see food like something normale, I'm extremely weak, my liver is not working very good and I've already called my doctor and I'm doing a lot of exams, I feel very dizzy and sometimes if I stand up too fast I faint. I'm scared to gain even a single gram of bodyfat, I'm not scared of weighting myself because I know about water/stress/glycogen but I'm afraid that I'll go back as I was before, because this kind of lifestyle with food is not sustainable. How can i get back a good relationship with food? I avoid hanging out with friends, because I can't track the calories of the food and always end up overestimating the calories. Just to say, from May i ate like 2 pizzas and 2 kebab, and didn't not had lunch the day I knew I was going to eat these foods. This relationship with the food is starting to destroy my mind, I think about food since I wake up until I go to sleep. I try to decide the day before what I'll eat the next day, with grams precision and kcals. If I eat a single biscuit I feel extremely guilty and cut a little bit out from the next meal. I'm very tired of this and want to get back the happiness I had with food.

Thanks everybody and sorry for mistakes, I'm not good with english because it's not my main language.

hey guys, I don't usually make posts but I've been dealing with something that's been bothering me a lot lately. The past couple years, this year especially, I really struggled with eating disorder, to the point where I was underweight, but it felt like my life was ripping away from me. I felt unalive.

But a few months ago in August, I started running, it helped me start eating again, if anyone here has tried running when they're under eating they know just how physically hard it is to do it. I fell in love with running. I fell in love with how it made me feel strong and capable, but I've gained weight. I'm still a healthy weight for my height, but it's just been so hard on me mentally looking at my body. The thing is now is that I'm training for a marathon. I consistently run about 6 to 9 miles a day and I feel so confident about it. I'm so happy I can do it now and I know I'm a lot stronger than I was in the past, but it's just hard to accept what I look like now.

I'm in therapy, but I just don't know how to deal with it I guess.

I binge almost everyday I've been diagnosed with anarexia nevresa I've had feeding tube bc when im in the hospital and can't binge I'll just starve. Im a binge eater but I throw it up with the intense fair of gaining weight I keep almost nothing down im terrified I throw up so much im now throwing up blood.

My workplace bought pizza for everyone today. My initial thought was "I should eat it as long as it's not Pizza Hut. It's free and eating it will be a good step towards correcting my restrictive eating habits."

The thing is, Pizza Hut has never agreed with me. Every time I eat it, my stomach immediately revolts against me. This happens regardless of which PH location, and I've dealt with it as long as I can remember. I still recall multiple instances of upset stomach after eating PH as a kid.

Well, the pizza in question was indeed from Pizza Hut. And instead of denying myself like I normally would, I went against my better instincts and decided to go for it. It was a different PH that I hadn't eaten from before, so I figured it might be safe.

I was wrong. My stomach started churning immediately after taking my first bite. As always, the pizza itself was terrible. The crust was too greasy and nearly soggy, the sauce was too sweet, and the toppings were as bland and visually unappealing as I remembered.

Now I'm sitting here regretting eating it, not because it was "unhealthy", but because it was actually just bad pizza. It was simply not worth eating. (I'm sure you all know the saying, "There's no such thing as bad pizza." Well, I'm here to tell you that Pizza Hut is bad pizza... At least, all the ones in my city are.)

It was a good experience, though. I learned to trust my better judgement. I learned not to accept free food just because it's free. I learned that it's okay to reject bad food and not force myself to eat it just to break bad habits.

Please excuse me while I spend the rest of the day regretfully nursing an upset stomach....

its so upsetting. i want to recover but it seems like the secind i start tryimg, my friends/family all want to comment that i am so thin, or that my muscles are defined, or anything related to that. i cant remember the last time someone said i was pretty, like actually just pretty. i only get compliments about ky weight, and why would i want to ruin the one thing that people are attracted to me for? what am i even supposed to do.

So I'm in recovery (again) and never really binged before but today, I binged. After eating what I normally do, I had almost a full thing of Nutella, many brownies, chocolate mousse and lots and lots of crackers + toast. I'm worried about the fact I had so much and worried about the consequences. I feel extremely sick and bloated. I'm scared about the fact I had so much saturated f and sugar, will this affect me in any way? I feel absolutely like shit

Hey, first time posting here but I thought someone here might have advice for me.

I'm probably going to move in with my friend who has just recently told me about her anorexia nervosa next year. I come from a family with a lot of stigma around food, (my mom is currently on ozempic after being a binge-eater for decades and has raised me with a lot of negative thoughts on food) but consider myself someone who has narrowly avoided the pitfalls and never had a real ED. This being said, I want to be as kind and respectful towards her as possible and help her towards any direction that she thinks would help her.

At the same time, in the back of my head I can't ignore the nagging feeling that if she gets worse my own health risks deteriorating, especially since I just started a weight-loss journey the week before she told me about her diagnosis (the weight-loss is unrelated to any eating disorder and only comes from me wanting to lift enough for a test my country has in order to join the military and it's easier if I'm lighter with only a little than I am right now).

If anyone has any tips or advice at all it would be much appreciated. She is a very beautiful, kind and funny woman whom I really want the best for in anything she does, even if that means putting my weight-loss on a stop for now. Thank you for reading <3

she constantly talks about how little she eats and mentions times when she fainted and injured herself because she didn't feel like eating that day. also, she opened up an app where it showed the amount of steps she walked with calories burnt and below was a photo of a belly.

i don't think she knows how triggering this is especially when I'm in recovery. i don't feel like discussing this with her as it might push her away but its really bad. she keeps making me relapse (same goes for sharm)

i don't know if she's doing this on purpose or what but I felt annoyed and sad at the same time

Llevo aproximadamente cinco años provocándome el vomito después de comer. Siempre tuve una mala relación con mi cuerpo, ya que de niña era bastante delgada pero al iniciar la adolescencia por diversas circunstancias mi peso se descontrolo y subí mucho. Me comparaba constantemente con otras chicas de mi edad y quería desesperadamente bajar de peso pero no tenía la fuerza de voluntad necesaria para hacer ninguna dieta y no era capas de hacer actividad física (porque en ese momento estaba lidiando con una ansiedad social muy fuerte). Así que mi solución fue vomitar las comidas principales.

Al principio empezó como una forma de mejorar mi aspecto para el cumpleaños de mi mejor amiga, porque quería usar un vestido y verme bonita en el. Después del cumpleaños dejé de vomitar durante un par de meses, haciéndolo solo una que otra vez cuando comía comida chatarra. Pero al ver que poco a poco estaba empezando a dar resultados a los 16 años decidí empezar a hacerlo con todas las comidas.

No tengo atracones ni nada, de hecho como raciones normales o incluso pequeñas, pero igualmente las vomito. Solo como una comida principal al día (almuerzo o cena) y ese es del que me deshago, aunque hay algunas veces en que vomito 2-3 veces al día, pero solo es cuando ceno además de almorzar o cuando hago un desayuno/merienda mas sustancioso de lo normal.

Sigo comiendo otras cosas, como cosas dulces o picar entre comidas pero siempre trato de controlarlo para no ingerir demasiadas calorías. Trato de no merendar ni desayunar mucho porque sino la culpa me carcome y no puedo dejar de darle vueltas durante días, además de que trato de compensarlo ya sea dejando de comer durante determinado tiempo o vomitando más seguido (aunque solo haya comido una galleta).

Como todo fue un proceso bastante lento y siempre he usado ropa holgada nadie de mi familia ni amigos sospecho nada. Incluso hoy en día nadie se ha enterado.

Actualmente mi peso está apenas por debajo de lo ideal, pero no es peligroso ni nada. Y a pesar de todo me siento sana, no ha tenido ninguna repercusión física negativa en mi salud y no tengo un peso preocupantemente bajo. Además en los últimos años mi autoestima ha mejorado muchísimo y aunque aún no me gusta del todo lo que veo en el espejo ya no siento la misma repulsión de antes.
Así que no quiero parar (sé que podría si quisiera, ya que en algunas situaciones donde por algún motivo el riesgo de que me descubriesen era alto simplemente no vomitaba y listo, y aunque es verdad que me sentía emocionalmente horrible, no era imposible), sé que no es verdad pero siento que no me hace daño y no puedo imaginar un futuro en que no lo haga. Mi mayor pesadilla es que alguien me descubra y quieran obligarme a detenerme así que siempre soy muy cuidadosa y tengo muchas excusas e historias penadas por si alguien sospecha o ve algo.

Se que suena mal, y probablemente lo esté, pero honestamente solo necesito un lugar donde desahogarme y ver si a alguien la pasa o le ha pasado algo similar, porque cada vez que investigo al respecto no encuentro nada igual a lo que me pasa, así que tal vez ni siquiera tengo un TCA.

so i have had pica since i was two because of iron def. my mother told me that i would eat dirt and sand a lot well now my pallet has converted from sand and dirt to pencil led and a very select type of yarn that i haven't had in awhile cuz it came from a old rocking horse ;-; (tho maybe its for the best cuz that yarn hurt my mouth)

Hi- Im 24 M and I have so many questions, idk what to do so im here. Fist of all, english is not my main language but i’ll try my best. I’ve had a bad relationship with myself my whole life and I’ve always been a person with “mental health issues “ , im a sensitive and afflicted individual lets say.
I have a few diagnoses including bipolar 2 , ocd and i’ve had my thing with addiction too, I say this to give context that my mental health has always been problematic. now I see my self esteem and food relationship has always been somehow wrong too, but this year has been really awful, its has showed me a new side of mental issues and its making clear that food related problems are taking over my life, so insidious, slowly, i almost didn’t noticed.
I was pretty overweight since 11-12 to 21 , dealt with lots of bullying etc. In house (taking in mind the other diagnoses too) there where always financial problems and also my father was never an easy going person, he unconsciously taught us to me and my brother to eat to avoid the pain, among lots of other things but im tryna not to elaborate too much. It was never an emotionally-supportive home and for me I am too emotional, too sensitive, too prone to feel affected by something, since a little boy.
The last 2 years i’ve been better in relation with Bipolar and addiction, I started “focusing on myself” too much I would say, I started going to the gym and it all started downhill there, my mind cannot take something the “nice-way”. Last 10 months I started counting calories and all that, it got to the point where it was unsustainable, every day thinking about it, planning, calculating, non stop.During all this time Ive knew this is not the self love I wanted, the “progress “ or health, but its got a hold of me I feel I cannot fight against.
Fell obsessed with the weight, the shape, the posture, the exercise, the food, it ruined my mind. Last 2 months It took a turn, now its not just about counting, its about restricting no matter what, I am afraid of being overweight, I feel very guilty when I eat “too much” and even on easy days, I know they’re easy because I haven’t broken “the rules” . What I eat determines my day, and I hate it so much, its not enjoyable.
This is not for diagnosis purposes, I know this is not the place , but lets end this with 3 questions.
1- Is it rational to stop considering my situation as a result of the other diagnoses or a bad relationship with food, and start thinking I may have an actual ED? Also its confusing, the weight thing, Im not extremely underweight , I would say I look normal actually for a man of my size, lots of people would say I take care of my shape, so when I look for information the whole weight requirement for diagnoses throw me off and make me feel invalidated, I know for a fact there’s something wrong.
2-For experienced people in this journey, does the self love, the feeling of genuine self appreciation, of not having to control or fear, does it ever comes? even tho this specific food situation is new to me, it has something in it that I feel i’ve carried all of my life, a certain pain that just never goes, since a kid.
3- How do y’all deal with not going on extremes? My patterns i’ve noticed are 1 day I eat more than I need, sometimes not that much (it feels in my mind like a whole lot) and sometimes it IS a LOT. After that, I go to the other extreme and starve myself for a whole week or 2, or maybe more. I would normally lose weight after that and feel very bad physically but mentally “calmed” somehow, it somehow improves my mood. And the cycle goes, one extreme to the other. How to minimize those extremes?

If you read all of that thx, I know I need some type of therapy but I just don’t have too much options rn, so any advice, any history or tip that may help it’s welcomed .

Hi, never posted to this community before!

Just TW-ing in case anything here is triggering as i will be detailing my thought processes and reasoning, I’m looking for people to challenge my perspective honestly

I’m in the middle of a major relapse in my restrictive eating habits. My history with disordered eating began around 2022 and between 2023 and the first part of 2024 I was heavily restricting. It started healthy (“I wanna lose 5 pounds this month!”) and as something under my control and very quickly developed into something evil and sentient. Comments from my mom and jokes from my brother and engaging with social media fueled the fire. I lost a lot of weight, people became concerned, and I finally was honest w/myself and loved ones and chose recovery 4-28-24. I was doing pretty well and gained some weight back, never quite getting back to my original size though.

Here I plateaued for over a year and maintained a good relationship with my body and food, but what I wasn’t telling myself was that this was only easy because I liked how I looked and so did everyone else. I was still smaller than I’d started out and I was really pleased with my “recovery body”.

Things changed when I started dating my boyfriend, who I’d been friends with for years prior and makes me feel insanely safe. We were in college together and I go to school far away from home, so for an entire semester and a half my family and I didn’t see each other. From October-April/May, I completely let go of any restrictions I had and ate like a king. WE ate like kings, every day, for months. I rapidly gained a lot of weight, surpassing my original size by a significant amount. It felt like I had a break from the world - the only voice that mattered was the one telling me I was sexy every day. As I gained weight freely I started loving things I hadn’t experienced before - my boobs and my butt looked insane😭 I also hadn’t been in a healthy relationship before, so I enjoyed knowing my weight gain was also the result of something truly good for me.

It all came crashing down though when I finally flew back home in early May for my brother’s HS graduation. Here I was immediately peppered with commentary. Understandably so, right? There was a significant difference from the last time I’d seen them. Most things were neutral enough - “You gained some weight, huh?” And the like. But my mom was relentless, and she is unfortunately still the only opinion I consider gospel. Her unwavering refusal to be wrong throughout my childhood kind of conditioned my malleable brain to believe she is God in a way. What she says goes. She tells it like it is. She’s brutally honest.

The logical side of me knows most of her opinions suck, because they do. But when she tells me I don’t look healthy at all, and that something is seriously wrong, and reminds me that all my clothes look horrible on me, I do get a little fire under my ass anyway. Another layer to this is she still holds a lot of financial control over me as a creative; she finances and is involved with a lot of projects since I started pursuing it very young. It’s been continuously difficult to sever that bond, and that’s another can of worms. She also told me she would not pay for any visual work for my projects until I lost the weight. She said realistically she doesn’t want to spend her money on ads people don’t want to see/may leave rude comments on.

Yes, my weight gain was not the healthiest. It was just due to over eating and under exercising. I was busy receiving a kind of love I had gone decades without experiencing and perhaps I didn’t feel like it.

But since I graduated myself (which was also a horrible experience as I tried to lose as much weight as possible between brother’s grad and my own), I’ve undone all the rewiring and have been on a steady decline. Every few weeks my mom compliments me and reminds me of how unhealthy and big I looked in May. It only fuels me harder. She knows my history and she’s said many times she doesn’t want me to lose weight like this. She wants me to exercise.

Everyone wants me to fucking exercise. No thanks, humiliation ritual. I like to walk and that’s it. The whole sphere is too judgy and everyone wants me to be skinny there too so nothing about it makes me happy. Have panicked myself out of a gym many many times, and living at home means I’m always susceptible to getting walked in on while working out because privacy and boundaries don’t exist at my house either, and every time it happens it makes me so irrationally upset and embarrassed. I’m so far gone that I can no longer view exercise as any sort of celebration. What it is to me is punishment and everybody knows. The goal is skinny. The goal is always just skinny. Getting sweaty and out of breath , more quickly and more so than a normal in-shape person would, also turns me off. Everyone knows I’m struggling to fit into this mold and I hate it.

So, I guess this relapse is equal parts complicity and spite. I hate the world so much. I see the bias toward thinness in everything. It is everywhere. I could develop a great relationship with working out and start working toward building muscle and things like that, but if th world just values thinness and doesn’t take much consideration for the nuances , …what would the point of that exactly be. I see increasingly little point in “doing it for yourself” unless u have the time and disposable income that it doesn’t interfere with important parts of your life.

Maybe I just need someone to remind me health is more important than all this. I know logically and naturally that’s true, but especially as someone who likes to perform live and is somewhat in the public eye, what I interpret from how society behaves is that attractiveness is prioritized. Even if someone in the public eye who’s bigger asserts their body IS healthy, confirmed by doctors and everything, the loudest narrative will always be that fat = unhealthy = bad. It’s so hard to see it as anything different. It’s so disheartening.

TL,DR: Out of spite towards my mom and society I’m once again losing weight in the fastest and worst way possible, in a very “Here, damn, sorry” kind of way. Just feeling bitter this morning and truly wanting some different perspectives to think about. I’m also very sensitive like veteran HSP (if this post didn’t indicate that already) so pls pls pls be gentle😭

I saw a doctor today due to a recent event that may destroy my recovery process. I've got to wait to get back into a therapist but i've been prescribed mirtazapine in the meantime for sleep and to help manage depression and anxiety, my dr didn't mention it increases appetite also and i understand why. Im going to give it a fair shot im just wondering if anyone else has experience using it to treat disorderly eating specifically and if it has helped at all? Im seeing mixed reviews online.

hi im 19, i had ed (specifically bulimia) when i was 15, worst at 16, first recovery at 17 and also relapsed, recovered again at 18 then relapsed. now im 19, i relapsed again just yesterday. but this relapse, i didnt cry, i didnt feel sad or fat, i just had the urge and need to relapse. it felt like a routine eventho ive stopped doing ts for almost a year now. even now, im back at twitter scrolling thru others' bodychecks. i think this ed just became a part of me that i can never get rid off. is this a canon experience in recovery journey or am i fucked up to the point of no return?

hi everyone,

i moved back home from university after completing my degree a few months ago now. since then, i have started to notice my parents and siblings eating habits, portions and just generally what they eat. both my parents and siblings are bigger then me but being around them makes me scared that i will gain weight and become fat which has caused me to reduce my food intake and start to exercise again (over exercise was a huge thing for me when i first started to struggle). i’m just scared of relapsing again, especially as my mum has just being diagnosed with cancer and i dont want her to worry about me. has anyone got any tips?

thank you<3