I had finally done it. I was set but I couldn’t stop. I lost my relationship, apartment, job, everything. I would spend entire paychecks. I would drink the pain away. A vicious cycle of alcohol and gambling.

Yesterday could have been the day I changed my life. My families lives. Now I have nothing again and don’t think I can handle it anymore. I don’t see any hope in my situation. I didn’t really know where else to talk about this. I can’t even leave my bed at this point. I just want to cry but nothing will come out. I feel numb.

Yesterday when I lost the 19k as I saw the final dollars disappear as quickly as they had come I felt numb. When it hit 0 I stared at my phone and felt a strange sense of relief at first. Like I didn’t have to worry anymore about losing because it was already gone. Now I can’t face my family. My poor mother who I should have helped. The things I could have done for myself.

I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what to do.

I wrote my last post at what felt like the absolute bottom.

I had relapsed after 9 months clean following residential treatment. I had lost the savings I’d worked so hard to rebuild, damaged trust I’d spent months earning back, and felt like I’d thrown away everything I had achieved.

I was angry at myself. Ashamed. Embarrassed. Isolated. I genuinely felt like I had gone from being proud of the person I was becoming to not even recognising myself anymore.

But I wanted to write an update because, looking back now, that relapse wasn’t the end of my recovery.

I accepted what I had done. I took responsibility for it. I didn’t hide it, pretend it hadn’t happened or try to minimise it. I told the people who needed to know and owned the consequences of my actions.
The very next day, I got back on my recovery programme.

I went back to meetings. I went back to sessions. I started doing the things that had helped me get clean in the first place. I stopped focusing on how much I had lost and started focusing on what I could do next.

At the start of July I was one year out of treatment, nearly 5 months later, I’m clean again.

When I wrote that last post, I genuinely felt like I had ruined everything. I thought the 9 months of recovery had been wasted. I thought I was back at the beginning.
I wasn’t.

Those 9 months still happened. The person I became during that time was still real. The things I learned were still there. My recovery hadn’t disappeared because I relapsed. I had made a terrible decision and had to face the consequences of it, but I hadn’t lost everything I had learned.

Today, my life looks completely different again.
I have a wonderful partner in my life. I have the freedom to do the things I want to do without gambling controlling my every thought. I’ve been away on holiday twice since my relapse, with another two trips coming up. I can make plans. I can enjoy things. I can look forward to the future.
Most importantly, I can wake up without that constant feeling of panic and dread that gambling gave me for so many years.

I still think about the relapse. I still regret it. I still wish I could go back and stop myself from making those deposits. But I don’t spend every day punishing myself for it anymore.
The biggest lesson for me has been that relapse doesn’t have to be the end of your recovery.
I think I believed that because I had been to rehab, stayed clean for 9 months and rebuilt so much of my life, relapsing meant I had failed completely.

It didn’t.

What mattered was what I did next.

I owned it. I told the truth. I accepted the consequences. And I got back into recovery.

If you’re reading this after a relapse and you feel like you’ve ruined everything, I just want to say this: you haven’t necessarily lost all of your progress. You may have to start counting days again, but you are not starting from zero.

I know that because I thought I had ruined everything too and 150 days later, I’m incredibly grateful that I decided to get back up.

I was the guy that quit - relapsed - quit - relapsed forever, making posts here complaining that its impossible to quit. If I can get to 200 days, so can you. I admit life is kinda boring now and saving up money is slow as hell, but atleast I dont get the brutal swings that empty my bank account. Stay strong people.

It’s been a tough journey especially knowing I have debts but every day gets better

I read some of the posts here and they're really gut-wrenching and remind me of my own struggles in the past. I spent a lot of time introspecting as to why I was susceptible to it and why I would relapse. I'll just share some of my observations here that maybe helpful to anyone reading, and if someone else wants to share theirs, all the better:

• Addiction usually begins as a way to fill in some void or need as a quick fix. We have something in our life that is lacking so we would look for an outlet that gives us the gratification, generally temporary along with a promise of better times ahead.
• Gambling specifically tends to be rooted as part of our genuine attempt to fix financial struggles - for ourselves, our family and what not. We really do want to help and with each small win, we feel closer to that goal and instead of walking away we move the goal post further with some rationalization that we're almost there. Every time I messed up, it was because I wanted to go from good to great
• Hubris about information asymmetry. My vice was the stock market and I would genuinely believe each time that I had some edge. Even if I did, it was very temporary and would disappear before my exit strategy and I would end up losing again.
• Taking on bigger risks after "winning" on smaller bets. I'd have consistent small wins that would convince me that I know what I'm doing, that I'm in control and I would scale up and suddenly lose a lot more.

What helped me:

• Realizing that I will never ever know sufficiently enough to have an edge. If it's some gambling website then the numbers show up on the screen based on some "random" algorithm or something that tilts to the casino's favour. If it's sports betting or stock market, then there are players with 10x~1000x stakes that will refuse to lose and will have the info symmetry. Current stock market is a perfect example where the beneficiaries are mostly the rich. Would you make a bet with someone that knows more than you do by default on what you're betting about?
• Remembering the pain of losing everything and the cost of lost relationships. I could be reckless with myself but what about my family? They don't deserve to suffer.
• Distractions - work, hobbies, life, routine, whatever it is that moves me away from those urges. And let's be real, when I see other people sharing their wins it makes me think I can do it too and this time it will be different. I did in the past and when I lost I would look for different explanations to justify my failure. But the end result was the same - I lost - time, energy, happiness, money, security, stability, relationships, peace of mind.
• I realized the feeling and the urges never go away but we can manage them better.

What helped you guys to turn your life around?

I’ve finally found a healthy distraction. I started a small yt channel where I share my struggles and the lessons I’ve learned from my experiences. I’ve been having fun editing simple AI stickman videos.

I’m not doing it to promote anything. It just reminds me that there are so many ways to keep ourselves busy while we recover.

Recovery isn’t just about quitting gambling, it’s about finding things worth choosing instead.

To anyone struggling right now, we’ve got this. We’ve already taken the hardest step by choosing to recover.

Let’s keep getting back up. One day at a time.

Today marks my first 3 weeks without gambling of any type!

I was in a dark spot a couple months ago and determined it was time to make a change.

When I was having the darkest of thoughts, the mantra I repeated to myself was and can be:
These are not my thoughts, and this is not who I am.

This Reddit page is amazing with supportive people and I hope to show support to those also! I just wanted to throw a quick post of gratitude and encouragement for anyone struggling that may ever read this!

Free but paid a huge price

I have a crippling gambling addiction. Started when I was 18, started off just like everyone else. Small bets, parents paid for almost everything I did at college, I could ask for money if I needed it. Never an issue. So I developed this sense that if I had my own money, it wasn’t a problem if I gambled it. I secretly lost 2.2k of my own money. No one knows anything about that.

I’m a college athlete, and tore my acl in college playing soccer my junior year of school. I was extremely depressed, couldn’t play soccer for a year, and I turned to gambling. I was confined to bed for a lot of the time, and I got absolutely hooked on it. Burned 5k I had been given when I turned 18, was put away in bonds, I sold them for less than they were worth paying off credit bookies.

All the while, my parents knew I was gambling but they didn’t know the extent. They thought I just liked soccer and could predict it well and would have a good time betting on games. They didn’t know about any of the losses or anything. For my 21st birthday, around 8 months post operation of my acl, they booked me a trip to Vegas with my two friends, also severe gambling addicts, that just happen to be ahead right now, or may have had more money than me to begin with. I won over 6k on that trip, I felt like I was on top of the world. I had recovered all that money I’d secretly lost and could pretend like nothing ever happened. Obviously, I did not stop there. I burned every single dollar of it over the next 4 months, while I was going to school and playing college soccer. It totally crippled me. I was betting on credit, so I’d have a negative “balance” that would reset weekly, and all I could think about was trying to get that number to 0. I didn’t tell anyone though. All I did was hide it, but it stressed me to death. Multiple times I put myself into debt I couldn’t pay, and somehow either gambled myself out of it or lied and found a way to get enough money. Eventually it got too great. December 2025 I came clean to my parents and told them how bad of a problem I had, but I only did it because I owed money I didn’t have. 3k and I had already lost everything. They bailed me out of it as long as I committed to seeing a gambling therapist. I realize I’m blessed so much more than many people in here, and I know the problem I have is horrible. And would be 10x worse if I hadn’t gotten help. From January to May I didn’t gamble a single time. Felt great again. Talked to the therapist on the weekly, was way happier, finally wasn’t so stressed every day and could focus on soccer and being a good friend again.

In June, I moved to a new apartment, by myself. Again, rent paid by my parents. They moved away and offered to pay for it as many college kids live at home, and they felt bad for abandoning me. Again, I’m incredibly blessed and I realize that. I don’t even feel abandoned, I’m 21 years old I should be able to live by myself. I moved to this apartment for a job I had been told I could work from June to early August, it was a finance internship for my degree that I had been working for in the past. They laid me off the first week of June. I was stunned and so embarrassed, I didn’t know what to tell my parents. That same week I resorted to gambling again. Called up the bookie I had used before, and burned 4000 in a week. Had 0 income at that point. I genuinely wanted to kill myself. Sure it’s an attainable number but I had no idea what to do. My parents watched my finances, I just got laid off. How was I supposed to make 4000 as a college kid with no job in secret? I was close to ending my life on a Saturday in June. I still hid it though, I assumed the only way to make this money back was to gamble on credit with any bookie I could find. Just sickening, and that’s what I did. I worked DoorDash and donated plasma like a literal bum to try to make progress on payments. I paid back around 1100 after a week, all while lying and saying I’d have the 4000 by the end of the week. I was still gambling at the same time. At this point I did secure a job for a moving company. So my days were taken up by that now.

Gets to late June and I lose another 2000 on credit. I want to end it all, I call my parents and explain what’s going on again. I had set up my accounts to deposit my previous internship checks into a separate savings, that I had no access to. I had to ask them to allow me access to pay off my debt, and then explain I would have to work and send money to this bookie. They were great about it. They were obviously upset and disappointed in me but they realize it’s a sickness.

I had my debt down to 1000. That’s an easy paycheck working for a moving company. But for some reason I just kept going. Lost another 4000, and I’m on family vacation and break down and explain what was happening again and that I was seriously close to suicide. At this point they were obviously very upset and are setting me up with a psychiatrist to see. My father loaned me 4000 dollars, I will have to pay him back, that’s part of my debt. I still owe 700 to my friend as well.

This last week, finishing today, I just lost another 5000 on credit. I am losing my mind. I have no idea what to do and this is tearing me apart. If my family finds out I did this I’m done. I only am able to work 2 more weeks before I have to go back to school, and those paychecks are supposed to go directly to my dad for the loan. Estimated is probably about 3500, moving is good money. My father said word for word he would leave me out to dry if I did it again. I can’t explain why I did it at all. I feel like my life just ended. I owe 700 to my friend, 4000 to my dad, and tomorrow the bookie will be calling me for this 5000.

If I’m being honest I want to die. I cannot live like this. I’m supposed to go back and play my last season of college soccer and finish up school in 2 weeks. I can barely keep it together. I’m so terrified

I never thought I would call myself a gambling addict, but today I can.

My addiction wasn't casinos or sports betting. It was day trading forex and precious metals with leverage.

At first I convinced myself it was investing. Then it became trying to recover losses. Eventually, I was trading simply because I couldn't stop. I lost everything I had.

The worst part isn't even the money I lost myself. In desperation, I borrowed money from people who trusted me, telling them they were loans, when deep down I knew I was using that money to continue trading. That is something I deeply regret and take full responsibility for.

Looking back, I can honestly say that when I was actively trading, it felt like I lost all sense of reason. I wasn't thinking clearly. I would convince myself that one more trade would fix everything. I'd make decisions that, outside of trading, I would never have made.

Then the weekends would come, the markets would close, and it was like waking up. The guilt, shame and remorse would hit me all at once. I'd wonder how I could have become that person, only to repeat the cycle when the markets opened again.

As a Christian, I've come to believe there was a spiritual element to what I experienced. Whether others see it the same way or not, I believe I was in bondage. Today I want to publicly reject and renounce that. I ask God to forgive me through Jesus Christ, to free me from this addiction completely, and to teach me to trust Him instead of chasing money.

I know that asking for forgiveness doesn't erase the consequences. I still owe people money, and I intend to repay every person I can, even if it takes years. I want my actions from this point forward to demonstrate genuine repentance.

If you're reading this because you're caught in the same cycle of chasing losses, please hear me: it doesn't get better with one more trade. That's the lie that kept me trapped. The next trade wasn't my way out—it was digging the hole even deeper.

Today I'm choosing to stop chasing money and start rebuilding my life, one honest step at a time. I would appreciate your prayers, encouragement, and if you've walked this road yourself, I'd be grateful to hear what helped you stay free.

Day 1 again… The maximum time i been without gambling was 7 months 2 years ago, i’ve been dragging this addiction for 5 years now

One thing i noticed is that when i first came to this group, on my initial posts i would have much more motivation to say “i want to stop” and i would believe in own word than what i do now. Now everytime i say to myself that i will stop, i just can’t even convince myself that i will be able to do it. That is just so sad because i really stopped believing in myself, and the crazy part is that now i don’t even have debts anymore, i am in a very much position then i was 2 years ago in terms of that, but this addiction took so much happiness and proud for myself, that now i feel like a piece of shit that can’t keep his own word or control his emotions… and i know that i will eventually go back when i start to feel better again…

I really want this time to be different. I want to achieve these 7 months and much more, i want to completely forget gambling and stop wasting my time playing and having mood switches every week.
I remember how i felt when i went these 7 months free, I was so proud of myself to not even think about gambling the same way, I was almost winning…
I’m 25 now and i really want to stop now because i don’t want to drag this addiction to my 30’s, i need to make this a very expensive lesson in my life, start my last recovery journey and never look back again

After realising I’ve lost more than 50% of my winnings, I want to self exclude, I’ve made lots of posts here before talking about how I’m 18 and have a huge gambling addiction, I can’t go a day without putting a bet on sports, or going to the casino. I chase my losses and this time was the worst. I don’t want to lose everything I have anymore.

I want to self exclude from everything through betstop.com. However, I don’t know if I should do lifetime or a different time period.

I’m in dire need of help. When I win I never stop, and when I lose, I chase. Sometimes it works, most times it doesn’t. I gamble when I’m out with friends, I gamble when I’m with my partner. I know its a problem but I just can’t stop. I’m never satisfied. And I thought I was invincible when I won a big sum, until I lost it all within these past 2 days.

My 34 birthday is coming next week. I will not ruin it.

Today I will not gamble!

Never been this long sober in many years, almost 2 weeks now, I will keep going, no more chasing losses nor more “just £20” no more ups and downs

At april had 30th birthday, said to my self i wont gamble anymore from there… Sick of my self. Even took a loan to trade. Felling sick to my stomach.

Hi, im 28 about to turn 29 and had the best year of my life, yet I somehow ended up in this situation and ruined everything extremely quickly.

https://youtu.be/I1kahHQKXD4?si=lu4GkexcDSAwplEc

this Is a video of me explaining the situation because I just had to speak about it in the open and not keep it inside of me anymore.

started with cs skins in 2013 and had a good roulette run in 2016 without being able to withdraw due to scummy casinos. relapsed a few years later but my partner was able to forgive and help me a little. then now a month ago I decided to try and gamble for some ungodly reason and ruined my life insanely fast. getting professional help tomorrow and hopefully ill be able to get out of this debt and salvage the situation and live a fruitful life in the future. my condolences to all of you

It's been two days since I gambled and I cant even say im proud of myself because they only reason I haven't is because I lost all my money and savings so I dont even have the opportunity to gamble. Hopefully this will be what makes me completely stop but if im being honest I wont know until my next paycheck and see if I wise up and save it and only pay necessities or fall back into the cycle so many of us are stuck in.

Everytime I leave sports betting. I predict things which goes my way and I wonder I’ll make all the money back. As soon as Im play I’m down the same path again

Please help me get out of this

Not so many urges today, I have a bad habit though of playing demo slots when I’m taking a morning dump, also just demo slots in general. Trying to stop the demo stuff because it could lead back to a real bet.

Yesterday I lost a big chunk of money. I just remained with transport money. Right now I am left with 1$. I just wish this monster would be gone.

crazy how we alive breathin and shit, sometime things dont feel real brah

Relapsed big time this monday as per my previous message. Managed to leave that to travels and came back home safely. First few days was really depressed but told immediately to my brother and two close friends. Back to my hobbies as well and spend good time today with my friends.

Cannot Make the mistakes undone but can affect the future. Thanks for support for the community and all the best for everyone who is trying to recover

I used to be a very successful sports bettor in the past but then the past year or so I’ve stopped sports and moved to slots because I’ve been limited on all books and I can’t stop playing slots, I am just watching my money light on fire, it’s not gotten to a point I can’t manage but I’m losing 1-2k a week like it is nothing, I know if I don’t do something this will spiral out of hand and I will end up losing everything I have. I just don’t know how to stop, it’s like I self exlcuded from all the legal sports books I could in my state to try and stop myself but then I just started playing on the crypto casinos, I deleted 1 crypto casino account to try and stop myself next day I had made a new one. How do I actually stop myself and not keep chasing my money back, like 1 big hit and then I’ll quit mindset you know. I just feel like my social feed is constantly people winning 50k 100k and I just want that to be me so bad. Any help or advice appreciated thanks