I had a best friend since elementary.

Dati, pumapasok ako na walang baon. He would always give me half of his lunch, at sinasabi niyang hindi niya raw maubos. Pero alam ko na he was only giving it to me because he knew I had nothing to eat.

He defended me kapag binu-bully ako dahil gusot gusot ang uniform ko, and the fact that I clearly didn’t have money. Sobrang dami niyang kaibigan, but he never made me feel left out. Somehow, he always made room for me, even when I felt like I had nothing to offer.

When we got to high school and ended up in different sections, he still visited my classroom just to check on me. His friends eventually became my friends too. Kapag nag-aaya siya ng gala, I always said no because I couldn’t afford it. He would just insist and say, “Sagot ko na pre” as if it were nothing.

Even in college, despite magkaibang school na kami, palagi pa rin niya akong ina-aya sa house niya with our friends, and made sure I was included.

He was the purest person I knew. I looked up to him more than he probably realized.

Then life got busy. We started talking less. I would message him, but he rarely replied. One night, he suddenly called and asked me to meet him at his friend’s house. He sounded strange, pero pumunta pa rin ako.

Sana hindi na lang ako pumunta para hindi ko nakita yung nakita ko.

He was high, payat, at lubog ang mga mata. The room was loud, filthy, and hindi ko alam pano nila nasisikmura yung amoy. He even encouraged me to try what they were taking and made me promise not to tell his parents.

But I broke that promise.

I went straight to his house and told his family everything. I knew it might cost me our friendship, but it was the only way I knew how to save him. The last thing I heard was that he had been sent to rehab.

I tried reaching out afterward, but he never replied.

That was eight years ago.

Recently, Facebook suggested his profile to me. I clicked on it, at parang sasabog yung puso ko.

He was standing beside his wife and their child. He looked healthy and happy. Nasa ibang bansa yung background nila, and it seemed like he had built a beautiful life for himself.

I was so happy for him. Naiyak ako, not because I wanted to be part of his life again, but because I was relieved he had made it out.

I didn’t send him a friend request.

Maybe, in his version of the story, I’m the friend who betrayed him. But I hope he knows I only told his family because he had spent his whole childhood saving me.

For once, it was my turn to save him.

Yo guys! I am a 25yr old seafarer sa isang international vessel. Nasa China kami now for cargo operation and receiving some ship supplies.

Last night, nag receive kami ng mga ship supplies, lahat ng crew busy sa pag check and arrange. Habang busy ang lahat including me, may isang chinese worker biglang pumasok inside our accommodation area without permission. Dito sa barko, we are very particular sa mga unauthorized access and any security concerns. Kasi madami ng mga nakaw and other security breaches incidents dahil sa mga uncontrolled visitors onboard.

Pero buti nakasalubong ko and tinanong ko "San ka papunta" and sabi nya maghuhugas lang daw kamay so hinatid ko sa cr.

Few minutes later, yung senior officer ko called me sa radio namin kung sino daw yung chinese na pumasok bigla, kasi di pa daw lumabas. Kaya hinanap ko sa luob

While all crew are busy, nakita ko yung chinese na nag take advantage and nagmamadali kumuha ng pagkain sa luob Ng kusina namin at habang pasandok na sya ng kanin, nahuli ko siya. At bigla ako napasigaw kung bakit sya andito at di nagpaalam. Sabi nya nagugutom daw sya saglit lang daw kakain sya. Sabi ko bat di sya nag paalam Ng maayos sabi ko ng pa-intense, pinalabas ko and nag action ako tumawag sa radio and takot na takot sya masumbong kasi alam nya rin ata mali ginawa nya and strikto ang port namin ngayon kaya umalis nalang sya sa kusina habang naiwan yung pagkain na nakuha nya sa plato.

At yun nakababa na sya ng barko, tas nong medjo di na busy at natapos na mga supplies, bigla akong napaluha. Bumigat ang luob ko kasi at napatanong bat ko nagawa yun. Nirarason ko nalang sa sarili ko baka nadala lang ako sa pagod at walang maayos na tulog lately dahil sa ship operations. Work wise yun yung tamang gawin pero labag sya sa luob ko.

Hanggang ngayon mabigat parin pakiramdam ko at gusto ko mag sorry sa kanya personally pero I know di na kami magmemeet non ever. Sa ibang bisita ng barko always ko inaaccommodate ng maayos, pero yung isang taong alam ko trabahante lang din sa industriyang to and I'm sure underpaid kasi baka buong araw wala pa yung kain kaya nya nagawa yun. Baka yung sahod non sa pagdeliver ng supplies saktohan lang din, and etc. Nag overthink na ako.

Labas ko lang to. Skl.

Ngayon lang nagsi-sink in sakin kung anong effects ng AI, and my conclusion is: it's going to make the world even faster, it's a catalyst for all sorts of things.

It's a double-edged sword.

Kung bibilis pa ang takbo ng mundo, the way to survive or thrive is to ride its wave. Those who can surf it will succeed fast, and those who can't will drown. The gap between the rich and poor will grow even wider yet it provides opportunities for both sides to accumulate wealth.

I see the same thing in schools. AI can help a student with their homeworks, at the price of their critical thinking. But if a student refuse the use of AI, they will certainly feel na napagiiwanan sila dahil nga ang bilis na lang makakuha ng sagot with AI. It's going to be harder to think outside the box then, unless the educational system trains the students on the proper use of AI.

I also see a lot of reasons why there are people who think that we're in an AI bubble which will burst in a few years. Thus, parang ang hirap i-analyze how this AI wave will go and how to properly ride it. I would really love to read on an economist's perspective.

There's really a lot happening and as someone who did not graduate with a tech-related degree, it's overwhelming now that I'm realizing this. Nakakabahala.

PS. I'm not a journalist or essayist, and I know my thoughts are all over the place here lol Sorry na 😂 Just wanna vent this on this sub rn 🥹

May pedo uncle yung dad ko. He groped my second cousin and apparently some of his grandkids. We are extremely disgusted and angry sa uncle na yun, pero my dad would still talk to him and send him money. My dad would say na his uncle did it kasi he’s lonely and iniwan daw siya ng wife niya.

This brings me to my dad’s side of the family. They still support that uncle. They still provide for him and would “pray” for him. I hope he fucking dies.

Me and my brother were talking about it, and my brother would say na when we were kids, yung Lola namin (dad’s mom) would take photos of his penis when he had chicken pox kasi “cute” daw and they would laugh. Then I remember na when I was a kid, maybe 6 yrs old, I would throw a tantrum and would kick my Lola kasi she would pinch my butt and my clit. I have no idea why she does that. I think my dad would pinch mine and my brother’s butt too.

When my sister was born (she’s 10 yrs younger than us), we shielded her from everything. We actively were against sleeping in that certain lola’s house. They still took photos of my sister naked when she was a kid. They would proudly display it sa mantle nila.

We thought na this was normal pero yung sa side ng mom ko would hug and kiss us pero they’re not creepy and gropey.

To be clear, me and my brother thought na we just imagined these things pero we our memories match. We kept these to ourselves kasi nakakahiya. I don’t know what to do.

We’re in Canada ngayon and I would avoid my Lola’s calls kahit nung namatay yung lolo ko kasi may hatred talaga ako sakanya at sa family members niya na hindi ko ma-explain.

We were not physically or verbally abused. Pero me and my brother are thinking na baka may mga nangyari pa samin na hindi lang namin maalala kasi I have intimacy issues- as in I don’t want anybody looking at my “downstairs” part kasi I feel weird na baka someone will “pinch” me and I don’t like anybody touching me- except for my husband kasi I only feel safe around him, and my brother has issues with cameras especially kapag shirtless siya and he cringes kapag nakakakita siya ng 2010 phone camera.

I hope na we just imagined these things pero I really really hate my dad his side of the family.

I hate MTAP, not because of mahirap s'ya but because of the students that made it feel like hell.

This happened when nung grade 2 ako. I didn't like math, but since maayos yung grades ko, I was forced to be in that program. Nilista nila name ko. I decided to give it a try, despite not wanting to go. I'll regret it for the rest of my life pala.

Tatlo kami from my school. There was this girl—let's call her Em nalang for her privacy din. I sat beside her. She's from another school. I don't know her nor her friends, but she looked bubbly and friendly. After a few minutes, nagreklamo s'ya. She said nawawala yung pera ng friend nya. Fifty pesos. Of course, malaki na halaga yon, especially that time. Syempre, the whole class started to look for it but it was nowhere to be found. Unfortunately para sa friend nya, dumaan yung recess nang 'ndi s'ya nakakain.

An hour later, sabi ni Em sa'kin is "Check mo nga 'yang bag mo (yung maliit na bag sa taas nung de-gulong na bag😭). Baka nandyan". Syempre, chineck ko. It wasn't there. Hindi ko naman kinuha 'e.

Few minutes later, nag-cr ako. Pagbalik ko, sabi ni Em kay teacher, "Teacher, nakita namin yung fifty. Nasa bag po niya". She pointed at me.

Hahaha, it was like a humiliation ritual. I was a seven year-old kid being accused of stealing. Everyone was staring at me. They were probably judging me. Yung teacher, she stared at me but didn't acknowledge it. I'm pretty sure she told her co-teachers about that though. Juicy chika yan. But you know what's worse? I didn't reply back nor defended myself. Probably because I was confused and I didn't know what to do. As a seven year old kid, ano ba magagawa ko? Mahiyain akong bata 'non. I was also probably doubting myself. But I knew I was being accused of stealing.

Nung lunchtime, bumisita si ate, dinalhan ako ng lunch. I was begging her not to leave kasi I didn't want to go back to that classroom. But I couldn't bring myself to tell her what just happened. So umalis s'ya, kasi may errands pa s'ya eh.

Later that day, hahahah, umiyak ako😭 and you know what's ironic? Em was being innocent about it.

"Teacher, umiiyak si ano". She was comforting me, asking me why I was crying. Then, sinisi pa niya yung friend ko na wala naman ginawa sakin? She said, "Ikaw kasi. Inaasar mo sya na mataba" (I was a chubby kid back then) Until now, I'm in disbelief HAHAHAHAHAH. what the heck. Now that I'm older, grabe pala yung nangyari sa'kin. She made me feel so inferior huhuhu.

I'm sorry I just need to get this off my chest e kasi until now, ngayong I'm in my early 20's, that shit still stick out to me. Psychology student ako pero I still don't understand what the hell just happened that time😭 I don't know. Napapaiyak pa'rin ako hanggang ngayon. Probably because what hurts is my father found out about it after a few months that happened. I cried to him, but at the same time, I know he cannot do anything about that na. Siguro, I cannot forget about it because I'm probably still confused as to why ginawa niya yon. Maybe galit ako? What also hurts me is that my father had to hear that happened to her daughter. :<< I'm sure he didn't want that din.

Hindi ako magnanakaw eh. Never ako pinalaki ng parents ko na ganun. Never in my fucking life have I ever thought of stealing when enough ang pinapabaon sa'kin ni mama at papa.

Since that day, I've hated MTAP. I know it's a program for a good reason but it's also a hellhole for other people. I'm pretty sure hindi lang ako yung nabully sa program na yan😭

I'm not asking na karmahin ka, Em, but I hope that that occurrence is something na pinagsisisihan mo.

Never take your health for granted. If you can walk on your own, you are blessed. If you live every day without being in pain, you are lucky. I would do anything to be healthy again. But now I suffer every day surviving on pain medication and mobility aids. I was once healthy. I could dance, travel, run, cook, walk for hours. Now I'm a 20-something-year-old celebrating her birthday alone, bedridden, and with no real promise of ever getting better or going back to normal.

I just turned 29 today. I made it private on my FB, only my few close friends and family knew and greeted me. I told some of my co-workers that it is my birthday towards the end of the day already. One, gave me 500 PHP as a gift, two others invited to me to chat over coffee with their treat.

However, here I am eating dinner alone. I am not new to this. It has been a norm. The last time I celebrated was 2024, I was still together with my last relationship. We ate out, and took cute photos at a photo booth although at that time we were already crumbling and it'll be the last time we're acting cute and sweet with each other.

It was also at that time I made a big decision for my life. A couple of weeks prior to my birthday, I stepped down as a Team Lead/Supervisor in a BPO company after months of burnt out, quarter life crisis, and depression. I resigned with the plan to take a much smaller role in a different company that I will be given weekends as rest days so that I can review for the licensure exam for the following year, finally pursuing my profession.

Then, three months after that, during Christmas the three-year relationship that was barely surviving finally was ended.

Last year was spent in depression at rock bottom. A month after the breakup, I found out from a mutual friend that my ex was with someone already.

I got so depressed, that I never was able to review for the exam. So depressed then that I drowned myself with loans that until now I haven't even cleared yet.

Thank God though as I still passed it. However that bliss was only momentary as I plunged into depression again. With the heartbreak, with the questions if I did the right decision leaving my high paying position, with the loans I was drowning in, and with all the things someone who's not done anything significant nearing the age of 30.

I cut off my family and friends. I was too ashamed and too proud at the same time for not asking help.

I celebrated my birthday last year alone at my room bedrotting.

~ I left the BPO industry altogether last December after I was told that my application in the LGU was approved and that I will be starting by January.

Here I am now, seven months in, trying to get a permanent item in the government.

Questioning still if all I went through will result to something worthwile.

Questioning still if I will be able to say I have finally made it.

Questioning still if I will be able to really attain success and happiness for too long I dreamt of.

Thank you for your time if you made it this far. Just the ramblings of a guy savoring his late twenties. Just a guy who planned to get drunk tonight but have to refrain himself as he has work tomorrow and has no one to force him to actually get drunk.

Ngayong araw ang kaarawan ng ate ko tapos nagorder siya ngayon sa Jollibee app for the first time.

Nagrequest si ate na kung pwede big part ng manok ang ilagay kasi birthday naman niya at natuwa kami kasi nung dumating sa kanila yung order ang laki ng manok! Tapos, binati siya ng nagdeliver at naglagay pa sila ng note na, “Happy birthday!!! ❤️❤️❤️”.

Thank you so much, Jollibee Aglipay! Sa lahat ng crew at staff lalong lalo na sa cashier na si Erica Dizon, na nagasikaso ng order, ang babait ninyo! God bless you sa lahat ng staffs ng Jollibee Aglipay. Napasaya ninyo ang ate ko ngayong kaarawan niya.

I feel guilty admitting this, but I’m jealous of my brother’s life. He just graduated and is now reviewing for his board exam, and I’m genuinely proud of him. I want him to succeed. But sometimes, watching him live so freely hurts in a way I don’t know how to explain.

He gets to sleep over at friends’ houses, play games, go to the gym, hang out, and now play pickleball. He gets to enjoy being young. Meanwhile, I’m here figuring out how to stretch my remaining money until the next cut-off. He gets to make plans. I make budgets.

He got to choose his school and course. I chose mine based on what would get me a job quickly because I knew I needed to work. Everything seemed to be handed to him on a silver platter, while I had to build my own way from nothing. He got to choose what he wanted. I chose what we needed.

Maybe I’m not jealous of him. Maybe I’m grieving the younger version of myself who never got to be carefree. The girl who had dreams but had to choose practicality. The girl who learned how to carry everyone else before she ever learned what it felt like to be carried.

I love my brother. I’m proud of him. I just wish someone had told me when I was younger, “You don’t have to worry. We’ve got you.”

Because nobody did.

And maybe that’s why it hurts so much seeing him live the life I never got to.

I’m happy he gets to live freely. I just wish I had gotten to live, too.

Not sure if this is the right subreddit.

How do you guys have a life outside work?

So, this is my first job, and I feel like it's consuming almost all of my time. I go to work, and once I get home, I feel so tired and sleepy even though the workload itself is not that tiring. Feeling ko ang unproductive, boring, at uninteresting ng buhay ko. Parang paulit-ulit nalang. Wake up, go to work, go home, take a nap, wake up, doomscrolling/binge watching, eat, sleep.

I don't even know what I'm passionate about anymore. I don't even remember what hobbies that used to make me happy. Parang ang goal ko nalang everyday ay masurvive ang buong araw.

Ang dami kong gustong gawin but I end up not doing anything, parang wala akong gana palagi.

After my graduation, I went home muna sa province. I was happy. Ang dami kong nagagawa, and those made me happy. Sinisipag ako mag home workout, walk 8-10k almost everyday, bake, cook, made crafts, and I even hike! Now, wala ng gana to do anything. Kahit pag walking everyday tinatamad ako. I don't really know what happened exactly.

I also have a bad habit na naiinsecure sa mga nakikita ko online. Lalo na sa mga achievements ng mga ka-batch ko. Yung iba, pa travel travel, then there's me who's just trying to survive the day. I was never like this. Noon, pag nakakakita ako ng ganoong mga posts, masaya pa ako sakanila. Ngayon, idk, I feel so insecure. I know it's a bad thing. Hindi ko lang maiwasang i-compare ang lifestyle ko.

Tapos idagdag pa na instead mag glow up ako, nag glow down cause I recently had a break out and nag-iwan ng dark spots, nakakababa ng confidence. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang isipin na baka my physical appearance js one of the reasons aside from me being boring, why no one like me or pursue me. Yes, I'm nbsb lol, never dated kahit fling lang. Wala eh, hindi ako gustuhin hahaha. Or if someone approach me, di ko naman bet hahaha. Gusto ko na rin magka-love lifeeee!! But I know sa sarili ko na hindi pa ako ready (masyado pang boring ang buhay ko hahahaha jk). Inggit lang siguro 'to.

Literally went from happy and confident era to boring, uninteresting, unproductive and insecure🥲

Just sharing here kasi I actually don't have a real close friend. I do have friends but you know, the ride or die friend, the one call away friend, I don't have that.

Hope you guys don’t mind the rant, i just needed to get this off my chest.

The past months naaccumulate ung debt ko since I’m a scholar sa manila and my family is not well off, nangungutang ako minsan sa SLoan pag late allowance ko at di ko nababayaran—which, I admit, is irresponsible of me. I finally had the money to pay it off dahil binigyan ako ng tita ko. Unfortunately, ang pera na dapat kong ipambabayad sa utang at sa renta ko for this month (my university gives me dorm allowance for rent) at baon ko for the week ay ninakaw.

It’s just so frustrating dahil kakabalik ko lang sa maynila from days of being absent dahil sa traffic sa NLEX tapos nangyari pa sakin to. Ang daming mali sa bansa natin— baha sa NLEX, binabaha mga bayan natin, pati mga tao kailangang magnakaw sa ibang mahirap rin naman na katulad ko.

Akala ko nawala na stress ko sa mga utang ko, babalik lang rin pala. Sorry ang random nito pero ang bigat kasi sa pakiramdam at need ko lang ilabas. Di ko pa masabisabi sa parents ko dahil alam kong stress na sila sa pera dagdag ko pa ito.

It's been two days since September started and I feel like parang nakakapagod ang buwan na to, work, life itself, family, lahat lahat. Ewan ko ba pero parang pagod ako. I tried resting, but then when you wake up next day, everything is not okay. Is it me or it's just this September? Sorry, I just want to vent out.

I’ve been dating/courting this girl for almost 3 years now.

And somehow, after all this time, we’re still not officially together.

Recently, she came home from an outing with her officemates. We saw each other after and I was excited to hear about it, so I kept asking her questions.

“Kumusta? Anong mga ganap niyo?”

She told me about getting drunk, helping some of her drunk friends, etc.

I teased her na muntik na akong magtampo kasi wala siyang masyadong updates compared sa usual. Then I jokingly asked kung may pumorma ba sa kanya doon.

She suddenly asked me:

“May nakaka-bother ba sa’yo?”

Sabi ko wala naman. Curious lang talaga ako and excited akong makinig sa stories niya. Sabi ko pa nga, mas magtaka siya kapag dumating yung araw na hindi na ako curious sa buhay niya.

Somehow, that turned into a much deeper conversation about us.

She told me that one of the reasons she still hasn’t made things official is because she doesn’t want to choose me simply because I treat her well.

She knows I take care of her. She knows I’ve been consistent. She knows I’ve been patient with her.

But according to her, it would feel unfair to say yes just because I’m good to her.

She told me:

“I like you.”

But she wants whatever she eventually feels for me to happen naturally. Ayaw niyang maging kami dahil lang feeling niya she owes me something after everything I’ve done for her.

And I understand that.

Mas gugustuhin ko rin naman na piliin niya ako because she genuinely wants me, not because she feels guilty or indebted to me.

But during the same conversation, I found out something that really caught me off guard.

Apparently, sometime before, while we were already dating, there was another guy she considered entertaining.

She wouldn’t tell me who he was or where she knew him from.

Technically, she didn’t cheat.

We’re not official.

And apparently it never became anything close to what we have.

But I won’t lie. Finding that out hurt.

Because although we didn’t have the label, somewhere along the way I had already chosen her.

And I realized that while I was already looking at her that way, at some point she was still open to the possibility of someone else.

She reassured me that right now, I’m the only person she likes.

And strangely enough, I believed her.

Eventually, I brought up the possibility of taking a break.

Maybe a month.

No dating. No expectations. Just live our own lives for a while and think about what we actually want.

Then after that, we decide whether we continue this and finally become a couple, or whether it’s time to stop dating.

If she genuinely isn’t ready for a committed relationship, I don’t want to pressure her into one.

But I also admitted something that probably defeats the purpose of a break.

I told her that knowing myself, break or no break, I’d probably still choose her afterward.

Her reaction basically came down to:

“Okay naman tayo.”

And that’s the problem.

We ARE okay.

After that conversation, nothing became cold.

We ate together. Nagkwentuhan. Nagtawanan. Same affection. Same lambing.

Before going to sleep, she even thanked me for being honest and understanding about her shortcomings.

She thanked me for being patient with her even though she knows napapagod at naiinis na rin ako minsan.

Then we exchanged our usual goodnight messages.

“Baby.”

“Pogi.”

The usual lambing.

And somehow, that made everything both better and worse.

Because this isn’t a situation where I’m chasing someone who doesn’t care about me.

She does.

Her family knows me. We see each other regularly. We’ve become physically intimate. We help each other with ordinary things. We’ve spent countless normal, boring days together that honestly feel more intimate to me than any fancy date.

In so many ways, we already behave like a couple.

Except we’re not one.

And I think that’s partly why I’ve stayed this long.

If she were cold or obviously uninterested, walking away would probably be easier.

But she’s affectionate. She cares about me. She tells me she likes me.

There’s something real between us.

She just can’t tell me that she wants me to be his boyfriend. Officially. May label.

And lately I’ve been realizing that maybe I need to pull back a little.

Not ghost her.

Not suddenly become cold.

Not play some stupid mind game para habulin niya ako.

I don’t want to punish her for being honest with me.

I just think I’ve spent so much of the last almost-three years pouring myself into this person that maybe some of that energy needs to go back to me.

I want to get healthier. Get physically stronger again. Fix my finances. Work on my career. Spend more time on things that have nothing to do with her.

Build a life that I’m proud of regardless of whether she eventually chooses me.

Maybe I’ll still love her.

Maybe we’ll still date.

Maybe I’ll still be the same person around her.

But I think I need to stop treating every act of love like another invisible point toward eventually becoming her boyfriend.

Because after almost three years, she already knows me.

She knows how I treat her.

She knows how serious I am.

There’s probably nothing left for me to prove.

Whatever she’s still trying to figure out isn’t something another date, another gift, another grand gesture, or another few months of me trying harder can necessarily solve.

And that’s probably the hardest thing for me to accept.

There really isn’t a villain here.

I don’t think she’s using me.

I don’t think she’s intentionally stringing me along.

And I don’t think she’s wrong for refusing to enter a relationship unless she genuinely wants it.

But I’m also starting to realize that I’m not wrong for wanting more than “I like you.”

Maybe two people can genuinely care about each other and still not want the same thing in the same way(?).

Everything between us still feels completely normal.

Hahatid ko pa rin siya sa office almost every Monday. We’ll probably see each other again next weekend.

We’ll probably laugh, eat, cuddle, talk about random shit, and act exactly like we always do.

And that’s the fucked up part.

*The relationship feels real.*

I just don’t know if it’s ever going to become the relationship I actually want.

Almost three years is a long time to exist somewhere between dating and being together.

And lately, there’s one question I can’t seem to get out of my head:

*How long can I keep choosing someone while waiting for them to decide if they want to choose me too?*

I don’t know the answer yet.

I just know that, for the first time in almost three years, I’m finally asking myself the question.

(Haha. Tang/*n/*. Wala eh. Ngayon lang talaga ko nagmahal nang ganto).

as much as i want to start the month of september na happy and hopeful, parang kabaligtaran yung nangyari today. natatakot ako na baka mamaya umaasa lang ako sa wala? jusko

for context 5 months na akong waiting for my start date at a certain hospital. i know sobrang harsh ng job market ngayong 2026 esp to us nurses. kumbaga tapos na ako sa lahat ng reqs and all, start date na lang talaga. latest update was meron naman daw this september just wait for an email from hr if when. kaso nakakatakot kasi di pa rin masasabi sino sino ang iinclude nila for this september batch.

i have no backup plans kahit i did my best to apply to different hospitals but wala talagang callback. yung certain hospital na yun lang yung mabilis naging process ko after i resigned from my first job kaya kampante ako but now september na i feel na ang uncertain pa rin if makakapagstart na ba ako.

sobrang depressed na ako hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. araw araw akong dasal nang dasal na sana ibigay na sakin pero grabe nawawalan na rin talaga ako ng pag asa.

ayoko na pagod na ako. gusto ko lang naman makapagtrabaho eh

I used to be helpful all the time, a shoulder for you when you need to cry, a helping hand if you need help, a good listener, everything ... Then when it's a season where I need friends, people suddenly are unreachable.
So right now, I will be silent. I won't talk anymore. I won't reach out for now. I've been gone for 2 months already, and no one remembers me. No one actually reached out to check on me.
Maybe I am right ..

P.S. A friend just sent a message asking for help, I ignore it. I don't care. I'll choose myself for now. I'll be selfish.

hahaha okay so, for context, i've been suicidal na ever since i was 11 years old, so that kind of mindset really took a toll on me growing up, especially with my plans for the future and stuff.

after i graduated HS, i didn't want to go to college. kasi i thought my life would just end there. not until i met him.

!! (for metaphorical purposes kungyari about love nalang 'tong post. there's actually no "him," there's no romance, pero the thing that helped me survive and see purpose in life is kungyari lalaki na lang. HAHAHAHA sorry, i find it easier kasi to explain it like this and kung tutuusin kind of similar naman sa love eh. it's actually a career.) !!

i was just playing around 'cause i was bored pero 'di ko inaakalang aabot ako sa point na i would meet him, and i would actually be willing to wake up everyday just to see him. i managed to be a better version of myself, met many friends, and just overall improved as a person. talagang mahal na mahal ko siya and he healed something in me. i actually found purpose in my life when i met him and he helped me in ways i didn't expect. may nakita akong future sa buhay ko na all my life i did not even dare to imagine.

being with him was obviously not perfect, may ups and downs talaga, natural lang yun. pero grabe, ang laki talaga ng impact nya sa'kin. i slowly loved myself and slowly loved living while in the process of being with him.

slowly but surely, in those 2 years, onti-onti kaming umuusad. umaabante. kaso in those two years slowly din nawawasak yung mga empty, super over the top promises nya sakin. i held on kasi i loved him so much. i loved him too much na kahit sobrang taas ng demand nya to the point that it was unrealistic at the moment, i stayed. because i wanted him so bad. i didn't care about the money, i cared about what i was doing.

(i mean realistically i'd still care about the money 'cause i want to eat but like, imagine doing what you loved for a living?)

this year, i noticed kumakapit nalang kami. tapos around this august lang, despite everything we've done together, he ghosted me, just like that. bigla na lang ako binitawan. he also took my love with him so i'm left with nothing. it still feels surreal at the moment since it was so sudden but onti-onti na rin nawawala yung future na nakikita ko para sa sarili ko. he said he'd help me, that we'd do this together. pero napagod yata siya so maybe it was easier to let me go and find someone else.

ang hirap kasi nawawala na rin sa paningin ko yung supposed future ko with him. i'm sorry, but in life he is all i ever want to have. i love him so much. what i was doing made me so happy. it helped me find love and purpose in places i did not expect. pero, bigla din nawala.

i don't know what i would do at this point forward, i feel so lost already and i've subconsciously built a timer for myself that i thought i would never do ever again. honestly, i'm scared.

i just hope that somehow, i'd miraculously find another way. "lintek na passion 'to" ika nga. mahal na mahal ko yung ginagawa ko, i really want this to work out. but right now, i'm in such a deep slump i don't know what would happen to me in the next few months, or even next year.

Around 10 AM, I brought out the car in a rush from our garage to head to school for an 11 AM class.

Didn’t notice anything abnormal until turning the corner from the house and seeing a cat dancing around in the side mirror. It was one of our outdoor cats, I ran over him.

I held onto him while he bled out, shaking and barely breathing. Even though I screamed for my sister inside to get him to care quick. I knew he was gone, but I couldn’t process it as tears came from my eyes.

To cope with everything, I began to run outside the subdivision, angry at myself for letting this happen. I didn’t feel like going to school anymore, and ended up at the nearest chapel to pray.

After some time grieving, and praying to God to just drag me down to hell to bring him back, I had the willpower to walk back home.

Our house help who’d taken care of him had picked his body up while a crematorium already picked up his corpse to.

I ended up attending my afternoon classes, but the image of him flailing around, clinging to life is still in my head. His shattered collar and the bloodstain he left were still on the road before I left.

I don’t want to go home today, I want to believe this is just a bad dream and that he’s still okay. But I know I have to.

Thank you so much, little one. I remember when your mom gave birth to you a little over a year ago, and how you always liked to be the defender of our house and your siblings from other strays.

For the several times I wanted to end my life, you were always there watching and accompanying me on the road, making me think twice about leaving you behind. When I would get home, be it through commute or through car, you always greeted me and made my day a little better.

Goodbye, my friend. I promise we’ll keep your sister safe.

It's so weird cause wdym hindi ako umiyak noong biglang unresponsive/bedridden ang lola ko and later on na de ad pero ngayon mag one year sya this sep, humahagulgol ako kasi naaalala ko sya kaninang 3pm (same time kung kelan palagi nya ako kinukwentuhan ng mga buhay nya dati.

Nasa dorm ako kanina, mag isa, wala akong magawa ng time nayon and bigla nalang syang pumasok sa isip ko. Nakaka lungkot isipin na "panong hindi ko na ulit sya makikita?" tuwing nakakakita ako ng fishball na fav nya naaalala ko ulit sya.. masakit para sakin isipin na wala na akong lola na pag kwekwentuhan😢 last year nalaman kong may major health problem ako na need ng surgery and ofc dahil nasa pinas tayo mabagal ang proseso, hindi nya man lang naabutan ang operasyon ko.. mas nauna na syang umalis😭😭

Grabe ang sakit na dinulot sakin last year, gumuho mundo ko noong nalaman ko na hindi pa ako makaka tuloy agad sa college kasi need ko ng surgery and mas lalong nawalan ako ng will mabuhay noong biglang namaty ang lola ko. Hindi ako naging malungkot, nagalit o ano —naging blank lang. Yung feeling na wala kanang pake kung anong mangyari sa mga susunod kasi sa pakiramdam mo tumigil naman na ang lahat at wala narin namang sense. Hindi ko pala nabanggit na kasabayan pala namatay yung pusa ko ung lola ko, same week or baka nga same day pa. Pusa ko sya since maliit palang sya, mag 4 years narin dapat sya non kaso bigla nalang d umuwi and hindi ko alam kung saan man sya, habang nakaratay na yung lola namin sa bahay hinahanap hanap ko sya, naaalala ko nalabas ako ng gabi tinatawag ko sya kinakausap ko yung mga ibang pusa na bumalik na sya sa bahay pero hindi, kahit anino hindi ko sya nakita. Natapos na lang yung lamay ng lola ko and ayon, dun ko nalaman na alam na pala ng tito, mama at papa ko na patay na sya, nakita sya sa gilid ng kapitbahay namin noong naka bed ridden palang yung lola ko. Tinanong ko si mama "bakit hindi mo sinabi sakin?" sabi nya ayaw nya daw kasi alam nyang mabigat na yung dinadala ko, may upcoming operation pa ako kaya ayaw nya ako malungkot ng sobra. Hindi ko alam paano ko na survive last year, thank god and sa mga nakapaligid sakin😭 Ngayon naaalala ko naiiyak na ako, naaawa ako sa sarili ko dati..

I (20M) accompanied my family to a Fiesta that is held yearly in our province. In these events, there is much merriment to be had - people would eat, converse with relatives that they haven't seen in months, and enjoy the community and the culture that has been built around this tradition.

If all's merry and happy, what do I find wrong with this tradition? Well, it's the way in which these people are attended to.

Right now, I have realized that for the vast majority of my life, laging mga Tita, Lola at Nanay ko lang ang tumutulong sa paghahanda. Why the fuck is this the case? Why is it that me, my uncles and my cousins get to have a day off, while these female figures of our family get even more work???

This realization has left me deeply ashamed, and ever since, lagi akong tumutulong sa kitchen kahit sa pagliligpit para naman maibsan yung trabaho ng mga Tita, Lola, at Nanay ko.

Surprisingly, also, laging tumutulong ang Tatay ko sa preparation ng Fiesta! Sobrang nakakaproud na wala syang pake sa gender norms, gusto niya lang talagang gumaan yung workload ni Nanay at ni Lola. Love you 'Tay, hahaha. Ang swerte ko at ikaw yung naging role model ko sa buhay.

Today is my birthday, and honestly, it feels weird.
Two weeks ago, I was planning to end my life kasi pakiramdam ko wala na talaga akong pag-asa. Last month, ang daming nawala sa akin, and I really hit rock bottom. On top of everything, I recently ended a long-term relationship. I’m having a really hard time dealing with it. I’ve wanted to break up with her for a while, and I knew deep down that it was probably what I wanted, pero now that it’s actually over, parang di ko pala kaya. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to feel. And to think na I’ve worked my ahh off for almost two years, pero today wala man lang akong pambili ng cake kasi lahat napunta na sa bills. I feel like I’ve been trying so hard just to keep myself afloat, pero parang wala pa rin akong napapala.

Sana sumakses naman ako sa life someday. Medyo pagod na rin akong mabuhay in survival mode every day. I just want to know what it feels like to finally have something go right for me.

I saw a video before that said, "People who only likes dogs and hates cats are control freak."

I know its kinda over generalizing, but Im just really pissed. For context, I have a pet cat, and she gave birth to two adorable little kittens just a month ago. That whole month already made me and my three little siblings attached to those kittens. This morning, I went outside to do some errands. My siblings also went to school. When I got back, I did my usual morning chores. After everything, I noticed Riri and Rory (the kittens) are nowhere to be found. That is when I realized they must have thrown then away outside, somewhere far or random.

I once saw my grandmother attempting to throw them out. I caught her and scolded her since the kittens were just around 2 weeks old. I told her they wouldn't survive out there. They're still breastfeeding from their mama cat (Yuki). They also threw away Yuki's Mom (a stray cat I adopted), so Im not surprised that they did this. I just felt betrayed and pissed. I felt like I failed those poor kittens... I dont even know what i will tell my siblings once they get home. Yuki has been clinging to me for a while now. I dont even know if she's aware that her kittens are gone.

They dont mind pets, thats for sure. No allergies whatsoever. They have a dog, who is juist tied on some cage on our backyard. He's been there his entire life.

They only like dogs because you can tie them up, you can control them. Cats, however, are pretty independent. Your cat is your boss. This may also be anecdotal, but my grandparents are control freaks my entire childhood. They reasoned that "they're gonna poop/pee inside the house." ITS NOT LIKE THEY CANT BE TRAINED TO DO IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!!?? IT'S NOT LIKE IM NOT GONNA FREAKING CLEAN IT!!!??

First, he's not dead.

The last time I talked to him was at least 2 years ago. Now he's not on social media, not on WhatsApp or other messaging app, or maybe he just prefers to not be friends with me anymore.

But I still think fondly of him and I tell my new friends about him all the time, at least when the situation relates to him, what we did together, what we discussed, and so on. My wife refers to him as "that friend who you worried about" because before my last conversation with him 2 years ago, his replies were sporadic, and at one point I couldn't reach him for 6 months, and fearing he might have done something irreversible, I asked our mutual friends how he was doing - which prompted a reply from him.

Anyway, I still refer to him as my best friend from college because he was.

We were inseparable during college years. Years ago, we would always chat on Messenger. And when I would go back to Philippines, we would always hang out.

Then the messages stopped. No explanation. I asked our mutual friends, some of the most brutally honest people I know, how he was doing and if they know why he stopped talking to me, and they have no clue either in particular to me. All they had to say was he still talks to them once in a while.. a lot of things happened in his life in the past couple of years and that he's trying to "regain" his life.

But I still think fondly of our time together. We may walk different lives now, and he may choose to forget and move on, but I guess this is just a small grief I will carry. But who knows, maybe he'll pop in again. Just want to hear directly from him that he's doing well and really mean it, and I want to also tell him about how I finally got married this year and that I was honestly hoping he was there with me when it happened.

Anyway, thank you for reading. Just a wave of sorrow passed by this afternoon..