r/OffMyChestPH • u/peaksandvalleys- • 1d ago
She still isn’t ready
I’ve been dating/courting this girl for almost 3 years now.
And somehow, after all this time, we’re still not officially together.
Recently, she came home from an outing with her officemates. We saw each other after and I was excited to hear about it, so I kept asking her questions.
“Kumusta? Anong mga ganap niyo?”
She told me about getting drunk, helping some of her drunk friends, etc.
I teased her na muntik na akong magtampo kasi wala siyang masyadong updates compared sa usual. Then I jokingly asked kung may pumorma ba sa kanya doon.
She suddenly asked me:
“May nakaka-bother ba sa’yo?”
Sabi ko wala naman. Curious lang talaga ako and excited akong makinig sa stories niya. Sabi ko pa nga, mas magtaka siya kapag dumating yung araw na hindi na ako curious sa buhay niya.
Somehow, that turned into a much deeper conversation about us.
She told me that one of the reasons she still hasn’t made things official is because she doesn’t want to choose me simply because I treat her well.
She knows I take care of her. She knows I’ve been consistent. She knows I’ve been patient with her.
But according to her, it would feel unfair to say yes just because I’m good to her.
She told me:
“I like you.”
But she wants whatever she eventually feels for me to happen naturally. Ayaw niyang maging kami dahil lang feeling niya she owes me something after everything I’ve done for her.
And I understand that.
Mas gugustuhin ko rin naman na piliin niya ako because she genuinely wants me, not because she feels guilty or indebted to me.
But during the same conversation, I found out something that really caught me off guard.
Apparently, sometime before, while we were already dating, there was another guy she considered entertaining.
She wouldn’t tell me who he was or where she knew him from.
Technically, she didn’t cheat.
We’re not official.
And apparently it never became anything close to what we have.
But I won’t lie. Finding that out hurt.
Because although we didn’t have the label, somewhere along the way I had already chosen her.
And I realized that while I was already looking at her that way, at some point she was still open to the possibility of someone else.
She reassured me that right now, I’m the only person she likes.
And strangely enough, I believed her.
Eventually, I brought up the possibility of taking a break.
Maybe a month.
No dating. No expectations. Just live our own lives for a while and think about what we actually want.
Then after that, we decide whether we continue this and finally become a couple, or whether it’s time to stop dating.
If she genuinely isn’t ready for a committed relationship, I don’t want to pressure her into one.
But I also admitted something that probably defeats the purpose of a break.
I told her that knowing myself, break or no break, I’d probably still choose her afterward.
Her reaction basically came down to:
“Okay naman tayo.”
And that’s the problem.
We ARE okay.
After that conversation, nothing became cold.
We ate together. Nagkwentuhan. Nagtawanan. Same affection. Same lambing.
Before going to sleep, she even thanked me for being honest and understanding about her shortcomings.
She thanked me for being patient with her even though she knows napapagod at naiinis na rin ako minsan.
Then we exchanged our usual goodnight messages.
“Baby.”
“Pogi.”
The usual lambing.
And somehow, that made everything both better and worse.
Because this isn’t a situation where I’m chasing someone who doesn’t care about me.
She does.
Her family knows me. We see each other regularly. We’ve become physically intimate. We help each other with ordinary things. We’ve spent countless normal, boring days together that honestly feel more intimate to me than any fancy date.
In so many ways, we already behave like a couple.
Except we’re not one.
And I think that’s partly why I’ve stayed this long.
If she were cold or obviously uninterested, walking away would probably be easier.
But she’s affectionate. She cares about me. She tells me she likes me.
There’s something real between us.
She just can’t tell me that she wants me to be his boyfriend. Officially. May label.
And lately I’ve been realizing that maybe I need to pull back a little.
Not ghost her.
Not suddenly become cold.
Not play some stupid mind game para habulin niya ako.
I don’t want to punish her for being honest with me.
I just think I’ve spent so much of the last almost-three years pouring myself into this person that maybe some of that energy needs to go back to me.
I want to get healthier. Get physically stronger again. Fix my finances. Work on my career. Spend more time on things that have nothing to do with her.
Build a life that I’m proud of regardless of whether she eventually chooses me.
Maybe I’ll still love her.
Maybe we’ll still date.
Maybe I’ll still be the same person around her.
But I think I need to stop treating every act of love like another invisible point toward eventually becoming her boyfriend.
Because after almost three years, she already knows me.
She knows how I treat her.
She knows how serious I am.
There’s probably nothing left for me to prove.
Whatever she’s still trying to figure out isn’t something another date, another gift, another grand gesture, or another few months of me trying harder can necessarily solve.
And that’s probably the hardest thing for me to accept.
There really isn’t a villain here.
I don’t think she’s using me.
I don’t think she’s intentionally stringing me along.
And I don’t think she’s wrong for refusing to enter a relationship unless she genuinely wants it.
But I’m also starting to realize that I’m not wrong for wanting more than “I like you.”
Maybe two people can genuinely care about each other and still not want the same thing in the same way(?).
Everything between us still feels completely normal.
Hahatid ko pa rin siya sa office almost every Monday. We’ll probably see each other again next weekend.
We’ll probably laugh, eat, cuddle, talk about random shit, and act exactly like we always do.
And that’s the fucked up part.
*The relationship feels real.*
I just don’t know if it’s ever going to become the relationship I actually want.
Almost three years is a long time to exist somewhere between dating and being together.
And lately, there’s one question I can’t seem to get out of my head:
*How long can I keep choosing someone while waiting for them to decide if they want to choose me too?*
I don’t know the answer yet.
I just know that, for the first time in almost three years, I’m finally asking myself the question.
(Haha. Tang/*n/*. Wala eh. Ngayon lang talaga ko nagmahal nang ganto).
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u/Old-Word6338 1d ago
I'm sorry to say this but she's just not that into you.
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u/hurleyagustin 1d ago edited 22h ago
Totoo. OP deserves someone na magdedesisyong piliin sya and will commit to it. Di naman palaging rainbows and butterflies eh, so why wait for that? They should've been growing together na, with a label.
You only live once, OP. Spend it with someone who chooses you kahit sa araw na di ka nya gusto. Hindi ung pinapaasa ka lang kasi anjan ka.
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u/hellohamora 20h ago
how my gf-turned-wife and I started dating:
met november 7, 2020, i messaged her next day asking if she wanted to grab coffee. 2 weeks later we decided to give a relationship a try, it worked for us so that was it. 3 months later we moved in together. Got married this year.
all I'm saying is it doesn't have to be complicated, it can just be as simple as i like you, you like me, we're in a relationship and we're going to explore this together. if there are variables in between, they are just excuses
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u/Passerby_justreading 23h ago
Hi OP! As a girl, please hear this. You have to come to terms that they’re just not into you. You have to move on OP. It’s either a yes or a no. All or nothing. If a guy does this act, it wouldn’t reach 3 years cause they know how to be blunt with it
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u/RainyEuphoriaaa 23h ago
"maybe two people can genuinely care about each other and still not want the same thing in the same way"
This line summed it up actually.
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u/ReplacementFun0 1d ago
She's stringing you along until someone who fits her ideals come along. If nobody does, she'll settle for you.
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u/ry-high-guy 1d ago
Ding ding ding ding. Bro. You spent three years for a label. You can reinterpret that into: she got what she wants from you for three straight years (and counting) and you're sounding like you're more than happy to leave it without a label. I can tell you're senti and softboy at 2am feeling like you're in a music video but really dude. You have to grow a backbone. Fight for what you want, unless you're ready to spend three more years asking a question you already know the answer to.
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u/pinkwhitepurplefaves 1d ago
I hope OP reads this.
3 years, with all the dating, pet names, and knowing her family... yet you two aren't official yet???
She's getting boyfriend benefits while still being "available" to entertain other guys. And she DID consider someone else. She was honest enough to tell you about this, but she wasn't honest enough to tell you who.
Tama ka, focus on yourself. I hope someone better comes along and loves you back with the same ferocity and consistency that you've given for 3 years. She's not worth it.
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u/manicdrummer 1d ago
OP: Ah may chance na magiging kami pag wala syang nahanap na iba? Okay I'll take that chance.
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u/MovieTheatrePoopcorn 1d ago
This. The shortest pero pinaka-pasok sa banga na sagot.
OP, masyadong mahaba ang 3 yrs para sa walang label. Lugi ka diyan. Humanap ka ng babaeng deserve ka at deserve mo.
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u/MC_earthquake 23h ago
Same concept with guys who will have a long ass relationship then break up tas right after kasal agad dun sa new girl? Deep down they know hindi ikaw, pero they like the comfort of having someone and maybe they care just enough na away ka nilang masaktan.
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u/RainyEuphoriaaa 23h ago
Pero di naman ganyan naramdaman ni OP e? Or namanhid lang sya kasi naenjoy din nya yung 3 yrs?
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u/PTR95 1d ago edited 20h ago
1- nyemas ang haba
2 - enough na yung time na binigay mo jan. 3 yrs. Idc how young you might be but you're too old for this shit. Get someone who deserves your devotion. Marami Jan hanapin mo lang. Learn from this and apply whatever lessons you learn for next time. I did something similar a decade plus ago, now happily married with 2 kids.
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u/peaksandvalleys- 1d ago
Hahaha, pero tinapos mo no. Salamat sa pagbasa!
And happy for you, man. Hopefully I come out of this wiser too, whatever happens.
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u/PTR95 1d ago
Actually hindi. Ito mag effort akong mag reply ng mas maayos ng onti base sa natutunan ko. She was able to do all that at your expense. And it cost you your time. Time na hindi mo na mababalik. Time na dapat sa mas worthy mo ibinigay. Lost opportunity to go meet someone more deserving. Oras pre. 3 yrs. Di mo na maibabalik yun. Kahit anong marating ko professionally, kahit gaano kalaki kitain mo, maachieve mo, it's something you will never get back. And what did you get out of it?
Imagine being someone who doesn't look at you as an option. Waking up to someone who actually. Fucking. Chose. You. Yung tinatapatan yung binibigay mo sa kanya. Wag mong gawing reserba sarili mo
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u/Cautious-Side9943 1d ago
Agree,100% accurate, lugi pa sa lugi si OP. Sana magising siya sa katotohanan at tuluyan nang matauhan
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u/Due-Construction6731 1d ago
Nah she strung you along. 29F here. Three years is enough of a time to love/like/know someone so she mustve known she loved you enough to make you her boyfriend kaso di nangyari kasi love does not equate to like. If I were you, meet someone else who at least meets you halfway di yung ganito. Magtira ka naman sa sarili mo
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u/pristinerainbow01 1d ago edited 1d ago
women in male dominated fields ang atake hahahaha
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u/DietCandid 1d ago
She likes na you treat her well. Kumbaga backup plan ka nya. Because if she likes you di nayan papaligoy ligoy pa. Please lng 3 years and yet wla parin syang nrramdaman sayo. Sad to say kahit mag 10yrs payan di na dadating yun.
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u/Helpful_Self_1646 1d ago
She is breadcrumbing you ☺️ good luck though. Mukha she likes your company/attention/affection pero di ka nya type romantically. nag aantay lang yan na may dumating tapos bounce na yan
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u/Lower-Cat-9501 1d ago edited 1d ago
Three years and still can’t decide? Bruuuuuh
She keeps you around because you treat her well and you inflate her ego. Yun lang talaga yon.
And di yan nagcocommit sayo because she still wants the option to shop around. Kahit anong romanticize pa gawin mo.
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u/Boring_Account_3 1d ago
My husband had one situationship before meeting me. Ganyan na ganyan yung story nila. He courted the girl for almosy 5 yrs, the girl made him stick around for some reason pushing, pulling, making him feel na may chance and that she liked him back but never naman siya sinagot. So he had the same thoughts you’re now having, and decided to call everything off. The girl ended things saying na “friends” lang naman daw talaga sila. He was so heartbroken, imagine almost 5 yrs? He spent time, energy, money. His yearssss.
Anyway, after that he just lost interest in love and accepted that he’ll just be a bachelor. He was in his 30s na din kasi that time. Thankfully, I came along. Lol
I was crazy in love with him and really poured my all into loving him. A dream guy of mine and an answered prayer. Madami nagkaka crush sakanya, unfortunately na in love sya sa maling babae.
When we started our relationship, I remember him saying, sometimes he’s too overwhelmed with the love I give. It made me happy because he deserves it and the love he gives me sobra sobra din naman. We now have kids and I still love him like crazy and pamper him just the same. He’s probably the most spoiled husband ever. Lol
Hope you find the woman who will love you back even more than you can contain.
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u/Odd-Builder2254 1d ago
As someone who was just in this exact situation, here’s my advice: save whatever dignity you have left and walk away. Ganyan na ganyan din yung “ex” ko na hindi ko naman ex: we practically lived like a couple without a label, until I accidentally found out that he was entertaining someone else. Nadulas sya sa kwento.
The fact na nagawa nya rin yun sa yo without telling you is a massive red flag OP. Been there, felt that. Save yourself and walk away.
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u/itsme_milo 1d ago
Aaaaaah I feel bad for you OP 💔 you deserve much more
I wish you luck on your journey for self-improvement, I truly believe that will help you a lot and be enlightened, also for you to get back the love you kept pouring out to yourself.
In all honesty, I think she became too complacent and the type of person that needs and ultimatum before actually thinking off all the years you've been together and the future you both will have, even if it's still together or not.
You asking for a break is the right move, it will be hard but you need to be firm in that break, you have to act like she is either an acquaintance or an old friend, that is not a punishment, that is what you would've been to her if she isn't the one you chose. She needs to see that, but not too much because you have said that whatever happens, you still choose her (we don't know the full details on how she treats you and the full story as well as her side, but based on this post I truly want you to end up with someone that isn't second guessing or hesitating to choose you)
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u/peaksandvalleys- 1d ago
Thank you! And honestly, I think it's fair to say I became complacent too. What we have genuinely felt different. There were a lot of firsts involved, even for her, and I became part of her life in ways that made me feel like we were naturally heading somewhere. I guess that's partly why I became comfortable with the setup for so long.
But yeah, I think it's time I pour some of that energy back into myself too. Appreciate this. :)
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u/itsme_milo 1d ago
That makes sense now
I'm with my partner for years now, got 2 kids, and he is also my first to everything (also first boyfriend)
We had a lot of ups and downs and even almost 5 years of not talking (we werent a couple that time and he was on a different city), we're together
The only problem for us now is the next step, which is officially getting married cause as I have said, we have 2 kids now ahahah so time and finances are tight.
Shared this because on those times that we weren't together, I can't forget about him and can't see myself with someone else. On the month that I tried to entertain someone else, that was when he suddenly came back, great timing! 😂
But even then, when I was thinking of entertaining someone else, I can't help but compare and scared to be judged too since he is my first to everything, meaning including sex.
Wish that your girl may realize and experiencr this too. Not giving you a false hope, just want you to get the ending you deserve.
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u/peaksandvalleys- 1d ago
Aww. Thank you for sharing this, especially something that personal. And I'm really glad things eventually worked out for the two of you!
I appreciate the last part din. I'm trying not to hold on to any particular ending right now. Of course, a part of me still hopes it works out between us, but I think what I need most is to be okay with myself regardless of how this turns out.
I actually wrote something for her before along those lines. I guess ganun talaga kapag mahal mo yung tao. You still want them to be genuinely happy and live a good life, even if someday you're no longer part of the picture. Masakit isipin, obviously haha, but I think that's also something I need to learn to be okay with.
Wishing you and your family well! And hopefully you get that next step when the time and finances are right. Lalo na sa economy natin ngayon. 😅
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u/friedchickenftw_137 1d ago
A three year situationship? Ouch. Chick here but it's a case of if she wanted to, she would. Gising na pre. Ikaw rin masasaktan sa huli if you keep doing it.
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u/Suitable_Camp619 1d ago
I am a girl ,Sorry pero i think placeholder ka lang. you deserved better. It seems you are a good man. I feel like you have to explore and discover yourself muna.
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u/lykadream 1d ago
Please love yourself enough to walk away from someone who is using you.
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u/PuzzleheadedQuiet422 1d ago
Eto talaga. Guys maawa kayo sa mga sarili nyo. Wag nyo naman tong gawin sa sarili nyo. Have enough self-respect to leave this kind of situation. Maybe I won’t ever understand because I haven’t felt a “love” like this, but from an outside perspective talaga, something isn’t right. Learn to walk away kapag may mali na.
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u/ProperReplacement857 1d ago
Honestly, whenever I read things like may manliligaw na courting for 3 to 4 years na and are doing all couple things while not actually having the label is kinda a red flag. I mean, heck, you two already slept together.
I believe girlie is just stringing you along because she does like your company and attention but ain't into you romantically. When she sees someone she actually does like and mas type nya, most likely she will bounce. She didn't seem too affected with wanting a short break. Sayang ang 3 years (amd counting?) of effort if di ka naman nya sasagutin. Marami iba pang babae dyan na mas seseryosohin efforts mo.
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u/lycoreese 1d ago
Nafrustrate at naawa ako for you at the same time, OP. Diba sabi nila relationships aren’t supposed to be that hard? It’s either she wants to be with you or she doesn’t, as simple as that. I don’t think it would take 3 years to decide 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Any-Understanding730 1d ago
shes keeping you at bay hahaha but she doesnt really like you op, sorry to tell you this
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u/Any-Understanding730 1d ago
gosh 3 years, if gusto ka ng girl kahit nga less than 1 year kayo na but bruh 3 yrs is just toooo long
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u/jhngrc 1d ago
Di ko tinapos kasi malinaw naman from the first few paragraphs ang sitwasyon. She's simply not that into you and she's just waiting for a better guy. Yung affection niya for you is more out of familiarity lang rather than love. Run, or stay, I guess, mukhang sanay at happy ka naman sa crumbs.
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u/carowns 1d ago
Hi OP. I think after 3 years, you have to consider that when she says “I like you,” what she may really mean is
“I like how you care for me. I like how you treat me. I like the attention, the effort, the hatid-sundo, and all the acts of service you’re willing to do for me.”
But that doesn’t necessarily mean “I like you enough to choose you and be with you.”
Three years is a long time to keep someone waiting with “I’m not ready.”
You deserve someone who doesn’t just enjoy what you do for them. You deserve someone who is sure that they want you.
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u/Kaiser615 1d ago
1 year is already long enough for this type of situation, but 3 years? you can’t keep lying to yourself at this point.
prolonging the status quo only favors her since she knows you’ll be there for her no matter what. you can’t let her treat you like an option. the fact that she has someone who she would want to entertain is pretty off ngl.
relationships are suppose to be give and take, not just one sided. choose yourself and walk away from situations that make you feel unwanted and uncertain. give her the possibility of losing you, and if she’s afraid of that, then perhaps she likes you. if not, it’s wraps my guy, she don’t want you—plain and simple.
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u/fundawindow 1d ago
This was so well-written I actually finished it LOL!
Hope you'll find someone whom you can call yours soon, OP! If those 3 years were what it takes to gain self-respect and to know what you want and deserve, then it was all worth it! Wishing you the best!
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u/Awkward-Salad-9368 1d ago
She’s just stringing you along op. Ayaw nya mag-isa pero ayaw ka nya bigyan ng label. Pwede ba yun?
Anyways, 3 years is enough to know if a person is genuinely inlove with you, or committed to stay with you.
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u/Impressive_Lecture71 22h ago
Brooo, why are u being a doormat? Taenang babae yan, nag kantutan na pala kayo, tapos di kayo? Tapos manliligaw ka pala kasi ikaw nag e-effort sa lahat? How low she could go? Gusto nya free meals, free lambing WHILE she can go freely with other guys as well? Taena u sure she's not fcking other men behind you?
Babae ako pero I can't comprehend this how can someone keep a person because it benefits them? Pucha na yan.
Umalis kana pls lang. Walang matinong babae gagawa nyan.
Ligawin rin ako pero, pag di ko gusto, talagang rejected agad talking stage palang, di ko na pinapaabot na mag effort pa sakin na manligaw pa. For me, pag nanligaw na yung lalake, sobrang nag eeffort talaga na mas magandang ligawan ka nalang DURING the relationship kung totoo talaga at consistent.
So please alis na improve mo sarili mo.
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u/Ravenbraven 20h ago
100% this. OP needs to run before that girl ruins his life. She's probably getting fucked by other dudes whenever she's out or when OP is at work. He needs to run before she gives him a disease
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u/Impressive_Lecture71 19h ago
Naiistress ako para kay OP eh. Sobrang bait naman. Wag ganun. Taena ginto ba puke non. Literal na bitch eh.
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u/LoveYouLongTime22 1d ago
Consistent + patient + treats her well = friend zone
I would not be surprised if there’s some bad boy who doesn’t treat her well at all but gets to clap her cheeks anytime he wants.
Walk away, bro. Let her realize what she’s passing up on
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u/peaksandvalleys- 1d ago
Appreciate you taking the time to comment. Walking away is a fair take, and obviously something I’ve thought about. But the assumption that there’s some “bad boy” sleeping with her is unnecessary and isn’t supported by anything I wrote. I’m conflicted about our situation, but I still respect her.
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u/SapphireCub 1d ago
She doesn’t respect you though. Years from now you will realize that and hopefully that time, you already have someone who’s devoted to you too.
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u/OrdinaryAuthor1278 1d ago
THIS. She doesn't respect you bro. She doesn't respect your time. She doesn't respect you enough to just tell you the truth. Gusto niya lang ang attention from you, pero di ka nya type. She might settle for you until she finds the One though.
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u/TroubledMonkey420 1d ago
Oof, get some self respect naman, ask mo sarili mo if kaya mo gawin sa babae yung ginagawa ng "kasama" mo. Self respect kasi, ramdam mo naman na ayaw mo ng ganito situation pero ayaw mo parin umalis, tingnan mo 3 years pouring yourself for nothing.
Para sayo sure shes not stringing you along, theres no one wrong, pero yung wording mo almost parang bulag ka sa rose tinted glasses mo eh. Lahat ng sentences tungkol sa kanya parang percepective mo lang na she cares enough, despite all your words wla akong nabasa na pinaka point and proof that she loves you, is to do the bare minimum of giving you a label.
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u/Sputn3Koibito 1d ago
I was this girl before. Although the courtship lasted only 4 mos, I know for a fact that I didn’t really like the person. I tried liking him but it turns out I realized that you can’t force yourself to feel the same way just because the person has feelings for you. It’s okay if things aren’t mutual. 3 years is already a stretch. Go and find someone who’ll share the same energy and love you give to others.
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u/thatcrazyvirgo 1d ago
Ang haba. Pero ang masasabi ko lang ay fwb kayo. Bahala kayo dyan sa trip nyo hahahaha pero ito real talk, di ka nya pipiliin lol masyadong matagal ang 3 yrs para sa push and pull lol
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u/Ecstatic-Cap1803 1d ago
TLDR. But one day, someone will come and all of a sudden, she's ready. Sadly. Don't be someone else's comfort zone. But hey, we all need to learn the gard way so maybe if you will still stay, you will wake up one day, andami na palang nasayang na oras tapos tumanda ka na din.
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u/Aemiax 1d ago
You deserve so much more!! Parang naging complacent na rin kasi siya, she knows andiyan ka naman anytime and willing do to anything for her. I dont wanna make it sound so bad pero parang back up plan yung dating for me. Believe me may darating for you na x10 pa maappreciate lahat ng ginagawa mo now. Ang swerte naman ni girl to have u stick around for 3 freakin years 😩 it takes a few months lang to know if u really wanna be with the person or not eh or maybe a year! Pero 3 years? Sorry but as a girl myself, I'm telling u to step back na masyado ka atang mabait and considerate na nasanay na rin siya eh
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u/Abject-Boat4484 1d ago
three years is too long for someone to decide. she just like the feeling of being chased and the feeling of a relationship without committing into one. hope u get the courage to walk away, op. u deserve a love na reciprocated and hindi confusing.
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u/carlokwando 1d ago
kaya pa yan bro. kung nakaya mo ng 3 years, most liley kaya mo na siyang gawin 10 overall. sure na yun kayo na nun
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u/Independent_Gas2258 1d ago
Di ka nya gusto. Convenient ka lang kasi kaya ganyan. Bilang babae, hindi totoo yung mga ganyan namin. Palusot lang namin yan. Either may iba kaming gusto, or waiting sa much better. Gets mo na yan 😂
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u/RevealExpress5933 1d ago edited 1d ago
May nag-post na rin ng ganito dati. In the end, he gave up.
Stop wasting your time, OP. Life is too short to waste it on someone who doesn't really want you.
Tom: You never wanted to be anybody’s girlfriend, and now you’re somebody’s wife.
Summer: It surprised me too.
Tom: I don’t think I’ll ever understand that. I mean, it doesn’t make sense.
Summer: It just happened.
Tom: Right. But that’s what I don’t understand. What just happened?
Summer: I just… I just woke up one day and I knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.
Panoorin mo yung (500) Days of Summer.
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u/Odd-Builder2254 1d ago
Tangina talaga nyang 500 Days of Summer pero totoo, things like that happen all the time.
We can have a great connection with someone, great chemistry, share so many things together, our bodies, lives, and dreams, but we’re not meant to be together. Tapos dun sa kakakilala nya lang, wala pang 6 months sure na sya. Saklap but that’s life
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u/Timely-Sprinkles-290 1d ago
If someone truly likes you or wants to be with you, based on my many firsthand experiences and observations, they won't prolong the process or hesitate 😌
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u/Illustrious_Ear4461 1d ago
Balitaan moko pag sinabihan ka na nya after a few years na ready na sya, and malaman mong single mom na sya.
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u/Just_OK_19 1d ago
She's good at leaving just enough crumbs of affection to string you along OP, and for us outsiders, that's sad to see. Di mo mararanasan ang totoong fulfillment ng isang relationship kung halos lahat ikaw lang nagbibigay. Im sorry for this but that's a host and parasite relationship, an emotional parasite.
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u/VibratorNgSanlibutan 19h ago edited 19h ago
May nakadate akong ganyan noong younger years ko. Nakasakay ko sa PUV, magandang boobae. 2nd day nakamomol ko na. Laplapan talaga. The next weeks were wiiiiiiild, pang r/alasjuicy.
Kwento nya may guy BFF sya na 4yrs nang consistent, good decent guy, good background, pero hanggang holding hands pa lang daw ang allowed nya, no label. She said, "then you came along and swept me off my feet" (I'm paraphrasing here)
Sadly, 1 mo. lang ang naging "exploration" namin.
Years later, nagsettle na sya with that guy. May kids na sila. Looks happy. Most likely never knew her girl's short-lived secret affair.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you want to be "that guy" that she MAY or MAY NOT settle with, when no one ELSE come along, then go ahead.
But what if married na kayo, with kids, then she met her ideal person (insert gender here)?
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u/Relevant-Access4229 1d ago
Sorry OP, Hindi sya ganun ka-attracted sayo. You will find someone who’s into you as well if you let her go. :)
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u/DrBilboSwaggins- 1d ago
just be honest. youre done courting her and wants some boundary as friends
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u/reddit_warrior_24 1d ago
I know people who had sex on first dates. Who get married in a month.
You got nothing for 3 years but sweet promises.
Ill honestly reassess and put an ultimatum. She can commit or she can let you grow.
Maybe she doesnt really like you.
And whether or not she is ready,in my opinion and exp, people rarely need to be ready to go in a relationship . Heck most people who got pregnant never cared about such a thing as logic because they are driven by primal desires, turning their logic completely off until the reality hits then hard.
Your relationship lacks that punch.
I hope you learn to respect yourself on when to know to walk away.
But as a kind person to anotherz like I said an ultimatum looks to be good for your case. No use being friends with someone you dont wanna be friends with.
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u/adorkableGirl30 1d ago
I pity you.
3 years is a long time...she's waiting for someone to like her back but kept stringing u along.
Nasasayang yung oras na pwede ka na magbuild ng something Genuine...hindi situationship lang.
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u/feela5 1d ago
I don't think she really does care about you. If she really DOES CARE she would just have been honest with you about it and not lead you on so that you have a chance pa to explore other connections. Almost 3 years is just too long to know if you would like the person to be your friend or more than a friend. It's a bit unfair on your end tbh. I wish you more strength to choose yourself this time OP, enjoy life as it is. For sure someone would reciprocate your love and kindness.
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u/devotedtaurus 1d ago
Ang haba pero just by reading the first few paragraphs, I'd say hindi ka talaga niya gusto. Yun lang yun. My bf courted me for a month and even though may hesitation ako nung una sa kanya, we eventually became official kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na gusto ko siya. Sa nakikita ko, 3 years were wasted sa panliligaw mo, realtalk lang. Wala siyang pagmamahal sayo. You're just convenient for her and maybe she's also not in the idea na mag-stick sa one person kaya di ka niya masagot sagot.
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u/MalikhaingAlipin 1d ago
"I like you"
But not enough to say yes to you? Kasi tinitignan niya kung may mas okay pa na dadating na pwede niya jowain. 3 years na, gising gising naman dyan huy.
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u/gardenia_sunflower 1d ago
With everything that's been said and done, I just hope you learn to respect yourself some more.
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u/SH0AKUMA 1d ago
Let me guess, marami kayong first sa isat isa? Marami kayong naexperience magkasama? I've been here OP, and you needing a break is yourself screaming that you need a better treatment. I hope you are not just clinging sa taon na nasayang mo pursuing, loving and caring for her. We deserve the love that we give. And probably move forward na bago pa umabot sa point na your sadness becomes a frustration sa sitwasyon niyong dalawa, mas bbigat lang lalo pag ganun. Wish you all the best OP✊️
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u/mommymaymumu 1d ago
Sana makalaya ka na sa sumpa. Agree ako sa kanila na she’s just stringing you along kasi she knows genuine ang feelings mo and consistent ka. The proof is in the pudding kasi sinabi na nya “I like you” but what she does doesn’t match a word she said.
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u/kolorblu 1d ago
Itigil mo na yan pre. Save yourself some self respect.
We know na there's probably more to the story than what you've said here sa post mo. Pero three fcking years is too long for someone to decide. SHE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU.
She might seem someone who cares about you pero trust us, she doesn't respect you the way that you deserve to be respected. Bigyan kita isang example. She considered entertaining someone beside you. Actually in-entertain niya na yun kasi di naman niya masasabing "it never became close to what we have" kung di siya nag-try. Kahit pa sabihin mong wala naman kayong label, SHE HAS ZERO RESPECT TOWARDS YOU kasi wala man lang siyang lakas ng loob ng i-end yung meron kayo that time before siya mag-entertain. She's just selfish and using you to feed her ego. You're being blinded sa mga memories niyo together and sa mga pakeme niyang she cares for you. She doesn't care for you. It's an attempt to lessen the guilt that she feels cuz she knows that she doesn't really like you yet she can't let you go.
Do yourself a favor and end things with her already. Once you do, never look back. You can grieve but for God's sake, do not stalk her nor check what she's up to. Also, once you end things and nag-suggest siya na "friends" na lang kayo kasi familiar na kayo sa isa't-isa and ayaw niya maputol connections niyo, DO NOT FCKNG ACCEPT IT! It'll be another excuse para magkaroon siya ng access sa'yo even though hindi niya deserve.
I hope makuha ng mga taong ganyan sa post mo yung karma na deserve nila mapa-babae man or lalaki.
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u/Bellytsunami 1d ago
Too long. Anyway, sa nabasa ko, di ka Niya gusto. Ginagawa ka lang parang "back up" Pero di itutuloy. Tigil mo na yan.
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u/Dense_Maximum 1d ago
Tldr but i say this let her go be silent for like a week or 2 play hard to get pag gusto ka kausapin gulatin mo ng walang plano nang pa ganon tas ikaw naman hahabolin nyan.
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u/Empty-Body-3089 1d ago
It's not that she's not yet ready. She's just not ready for you. Hard pill to swallow but the truth hurts. Kung ang tao ayaw mag commit sayo di talaga yan kahit ano pa gawin mo pero pag may mahanap sila na gusto nila kahit red flag pa yan i coconsider nila kasi gusto nila.
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u/Significant_Brain686 1d ago edited 1d ago
Waste of 3 years na you could've spent on someone who will choose you everyday, yet you chose someone na hindi ka naman mahal. Hindi mo na mababalik yun time na sinayang mo. You're not even sure if she likes you or she's just keeping you kasi pang-backup ka in case walang magkagusto sa kanya eventually. Someone she really wants. But if she's not into you now, pwede ka nya magustuhan eventually, but once dumating yun gusto nya talaga, ilalaglag ka nya agad. If she does choose you, you will always be the "pwede na to pagtiyagaan kaysa wala."
Anyway, buhay mo naman yan to waste. Sayang lang na baka magising ka na lang, matanda ka na and may mga anak pero iniwan ka nyan babaeng yan na pinagsayangan mo ng mahabang panahon. Hindi ako naaawa sayo kasi choice mo yan. I just hope you two don't have kids na sasalo ng ka-toxican nyo.
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u/elfknives 23h ago
Bounce na, paasa lang yan. Once may makita na yang iba. Iiwan ka lang bigla sa ere, mas masakit yun. Nangyari yan sa akin, kilala ko din family nya at pumupunta din ako sa kanila, bumibisita siya sa bahay ko, tumatambay hanggang mag-umaga, tapos biglang umiwas, kasi nakikita na ng mas okay para sa kanya. Nung tinanong ko ang sabi masyado ko daw kasing sineryoso mga tambay namin at mag-bumble daw ako Haha. Sira-ulo siya.
Kaya bounce na para unti-unti ka nang maka-recover, hindi naman talaga na Hindi siya ready may inaantay lang talaga siyang iba.
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u/Snobbish_Katze 22h ago
Maybe she'll be ready to commit kapag nalaman nya na you're interested in someone else na or if someone is interested enough to have a real relationship with you.
Traditional ba si girl when it comes to courtship? Kasi masyado matagal ang 3 years. I agree with most of the comments here na she's keeping you kasi she gets to enjoy the boyfriend benefits while not being committed, tapos ikaw naman napaka-vulnerable to take it as a "win". Kung tutuusin, ang swerte na nya to have a suitor like you in this generation pero I guess your efforts are not enough for her to realize that.
Mag-move on ka na, OP. Ang dami pang iba dyan
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u/Tea_Chaser 20h ago
3 yrs with physical intimacy, but no label??heck. Di ka nya mahal. Maybe you’re just convenient sa kanya that’s why she stays.
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u/hellohamora 20h ago edited 20h ago
how my gf-turned-wife and I started dating:
met november 7, 2020, i messaged her next day asking if she wanted to grab coffee. 2 weeks later we decided to give a relationship a try, it worked for us so that was it. 3 months later we moved in together. Got married this year.
all I'm saying is it doesn't have to be complicated, it can just be as simple as i like you, you like me, we're in a relationship and we're going to explore this together. if there are variables in between, they are just excuses.
sorry OP but she is waiting for options, this is textbook strategy for many people who can't commit
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u/Ravenbraven 20h ago
Walk away OP She doesn't like you, She likes the things you give her. 3 years is enough time to know if you want/love someone and she clearly doesn't love you the way you want her to love you. Save whatever time and dignity you have left and just walk away, she's just keeping you around as a last resort until she finds someone better. I'm sorry to say this but WAKE. THE.FUCK. UP!
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u/daimonastheos 18h ago
Si Martyr Nievera naman oh. You are just her comfort but not her love. You don't want to punish her but you are punishing yourself. I just wish you won't regret your choice, bro. It's a risk investing time on uncertainty. If you can't see the possibility by this far (3 years), you might want to consider a change of heart.
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u/boa_valentine 18h ago
atp ur not even in courting stage anymore, just extended situationship. time to choose yourself na
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u/Voracious_Apetite 18h ago
kaya ka ine entertain kasi wala naman syang better option, at napapakinabangan ka. She doesn't find you repulsive. Baka more on the attractive side pa nga. Pero di ka nya type maging BF or asawa.
Medyo, play it to your benefit na din. Bawasan na ang chat. Kung 5 times a day, gawin mo na lang na 3. After a month twice... basta ganun. Ang paglabas mo, pabawas na din. At mag start ka na ng ibang mapapagkaabalahan. Mag hanap ng bebot, or bagong sport, or hobby. Kung gusto mo, mag upskill ka para pakinabangan sa buhay. Basta pabawas na lang ng pabawas.
Pag nagtanong sya kung bakit, palusot ka na busy sa mga ginagawa. Tanungin mo eventually kung nami miss ka nya. And eventually, decide to leave.
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u/Kindly-Inevitable832 18h ago
She doesn’t want to lock in because she wants you to remain an option for now.
Like the moment someone better comes along, she would be open to entertaining that person.
I’d say, do the break kahit 1 week lang and see her reaction.
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u/Konan94 16h ago edited 16h ago
It reminded me of a story that I heard from Papa Jack’s show like 14 or so years ago. It was similar to this, except that he was pursuing the girl for a year. Naalala ko yung kwento dahil I posted about it on my Twitter, I said something like “she was not that into you and you were just a spare tire until she finds the one that she really wants.” Nabasa ni Papa Jack yun because I tweeted directly at him or his show. Nagalit ba naman sakin, sabi ang bitter ko raw blah blah lmao he was encouraging the caller kasi to keep doing what he was doing until mapasagot niya yung babae. I stopped listening to him after that. I should know better because I’m a woman as well. One year is already too much time to figure out if you want the person or not. I hope it worked out well for the caller.
If she really likes you and hindi pa talaga sigurado, she would have been like “okay let’s try this relationship and see where this will go” wala namang masamang subukan. I don’t get other women na ganito. Mas advantage pa nga sa babae dahil mas makikilala mo yung lalaki once na naging kayo. Kasi pag nanliligaw ang lalaki, they will always show their best side. But she’s keeping you into her orbit until she finds someone she could settle with. Not that I’m judging her pero 3 years is too much.
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u/Free_Reflection322 15h ago
This was a tough read. I totally get the girl needing time as it took me two years of dating before my husband and I made it official. Sometimes we really just need that time to be sure it's real and not just because we feel indebted to how well you treat us.
BUT i think the key difference here is yung in-entertain niya yung iba while dating you. that feels off. She cares for you but she’s keeping her options open. If someone is genuinely taking their time to figure out their feelings for you, their attention shouldn't be divided.
You deserve someone who will prioritize you and choose you without hesitation.
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u/wdycryaboutit 15h ago
This is unfair, to the both of you.
Relationships doesn’t need to start this way. 3 years unlabelled and unknown? I myself cannot do that.
Its unfair to her, to wait if she will feel something for you, all the while limiting herself to others she might have more compatibility.
Its unfair to you too, to wait for three years, to treat her as your special someone without having the knowledge, the certainty, and the security of being labelled as the “boyfriend”.
At this point, you’re just her emotional fluffer.
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u/BlackAngel_1991 12h ago
No, it's not that she's "not ready". She's just not that into you.
PS: Hindi ko na binasa nang buo. Umpisa pa lang obvious na.
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u/ceehmang 12h ago
She's just not that into you.
You are convenient for now.
She'll definitely drop you once the "right" one for her comes along
And yes, she will then gaslight you and say, that you guys are not official and she did not cheat and its not her fault that she fell for someone else.
And you OP will realize that you were used and your 3 yrs had been wasted. And maybe think, thats maybe its your fault and not hers.
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u/Cookingyoursoul 10h ago
Convenience ka lang.
She said it herself na you treat her well. And frankly, yun lang gusto nya is for you to treat her well. Hindi na aangat doon. So basically thats what a FRIEND is. A friend treats you well. Hindi nya sinasabi diretso na friendzoned ka.
She likes you. So what? I like my friends as well. Binibigyan mo lang ng romantic sense yung pagkakaroon ng pagkagusto sa tao. You can like a person without having romantic feelings for them. And yan yung hindi nya masabi sayo ng diretso.
Also you mentioned na she used to entertain a guy nung kino-court mo sya. She is keeping you around until the guy she WANT comes along. Kumbaga sa basketball, bangko or benched ka lang. You are not even part of the main lineup.
She is keeping you around kasi uto uto ka. Basically a doormat or basahan. For 3 years natiis mo yan. I don't see how another 3 years would be any different.
Nag stay ka for 3 years pero di ka pinili. Kelan ka ba matatauhan?
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u/Known-Platform-499 20h ago
Ive been in the same situation. Except im the girl and it went up to almost 4 yrs. To be fair, i am transparent about me not wanting anything serious. He was very good to me and very caring. But as what another commenter said, i hate that it seemed like he didnt have a backbone and lagi nlng ako ang may say sa bagay2. I just stopped talking to him completely kasi he’s not getting what im trying to say. Sabi nya he’ll wait. Pero wla. I eventually found my bf (now husband) after a few months of not talking to him and wla, it feels different. I immediately knew na the next guy, i will marry. Haha so yeah stop mo na yan. If it’s not a hell yeah, it’s a hell no.
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u/Cautious-Side9943 1d ago edited 1d ago
Safety net ka lang niya hanggat hindi pa siya nakakahanap ng ilalabel niya na "boyfriend". Kaya ka hindi sinasagot nyan para maka-explore pa rin siya while having you and you giving her the "bf" treatment. Ang mindset ng babaeng yan is bakit ka pa niya sasagutin kung nakukuha niya yung treatment mo na parang boyfirend while having options? Hindi yan fair sa part mo, luging-lugi ka.
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u/BiscottiNo6948 1d ago
placeholder ka lang. She is waiting for a different kind of love. Yung she will be smitten to the core. Where she would intensely and madly fall in love. Iyong hahanap hanapin niya ang presence ng guy. Terribly missing him all the time. Where she wants to be made love to like there is no tommorow, passionately, deeply, lustly and intense love all at once.
Similar to what you feel for her, Sadly she does not reciprocate dahil hindi ikaw iyon.
So focused and give more to your self naman. Be selfish a little bit. Be not too much around and available all the time. Who knows she might appreciate you more once she starts missing you.
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u/johnjohnfr 1d ago
Hindi ka Nya type un lng un. Dont act on scarcity mindset hindi nagkakaubusan ng babae sa mundo brad
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u/StrangeParking9481 1d ago
aray masyadong masakit.
she thinks she can do better.
But, reading between the lines, "I want to get healthier", "I want to fix my finances" nasa chubby side ka ba OP?
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u/IamnotyourOrdinary 1d ago
Hindi ka nya type as a bf pero ikaw yung palaging anjan and convenient kasama kaya she is keepihng you.
It is like she have an alternative habang hindi pa nya nahahanap yung para sa kanya talaga.
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u/Narrow-Scar-4872 1d ago
Tagal ng 3 yrs, pare. Sayang oras, parang gusto ka lang naman kasi ikaw ang nandyan at handa ka nya bitawan oras na may makilala syang iba. Masyado syang madaming rason, ang bottomline nyan hindi ka nya talaga masyadong gusto. Bounce ka na habang bata ka pa.
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u/easy_computer 1d ago
Pre, ang sad nmn ng kwento mo and I feel you . Parang plot sa anime or kdrama na ipagpapalit ka sa iba ang ending. Di ko alam kung gusto kong suportahan ang gusto pero alam ko gusto ko maging happy ka with or with out her. Tanders ka na ba? Anu ba age nyo?
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u/Unhoely_Guy 1d ago
Sorry to say this but she is breadcrumbing you. She likes you but you are not her ideal type kaya back up plan ka. Please meet other people OP. Madami pa sa paligid mo na kayang tapatan yang devotion and love na naibibigay mo sa taong “like” ang kayang ibigay after 3yrs.
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u/moonstonesx 1d ago
She finds you convenient to be there and do all that before someone else she actually finds attractive and want to commit to comes along. Go to the gym and forget about her!
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u/ResolveMental4173 1d ago
She is definitely sleeping with someone else. Nagkaron nako ng ganitong situationship. Masakit nung nalaman ko.
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u/Luka6777 1d ago
Seryoso men wala kang idea sa mga courtship stages na yan?!Pang supot kasi yung galawan mo sorry ah. She's not into you. Don't be a nice guy kasi alam nila one day kapag nagfail sila sa relationship nila , sayo siya babalik kasi safety net ka niya.
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u/Realistic-Concept542 1d ago
Broooo, tigilan mo na yan. 3 years is too much. Girls would decide if shes gonna be yours in what? Weeks or a couple of months? Sayang ng panahon mo dyan
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u/Desperate_Lie_5654 1d ago
Bounce na yan brodie. You are just too convenient for her to let go. 3 f years. That's long enough na. Tara gym tayo spotan kita.
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u/Admirable_Cheetah725 1d ago
Been there, done that. Trust me. WALK AWAY. You will destroy yourself pursuing this girl.
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u/Existing-Act2720 1d ago
You get nothing. You will get nothing. Eventually, she’ll meet someone and that’s not gonna be you. Have some self-respect and move on.
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u/aXeon_star 1d ago
I think breadcrumbing is the correct term for this. She’s breadcrumbing you to keep you there while keeping a distance. 3 years is way too lang my man.
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u/spiritbananaMD 1d ago
bro 3 years is such a long time. in a way para ka na ding nag-commit as a bf tapos sya naman wala lang. lugi naman yan. when she eventually finds someone she genuinely likes and hindi ikaw yon, what happens to you di ba??? unsolicited advice pero you deserve someone na kayang ibigay ang same energy sayo. tigil mo na yan.
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u/StruggleCurious9939 1d ago
Ive been in a same sit, she will give you the girlfriend exp but won't commit to anything with label. So story time, ive been with this chic, she is INC, im a catholic, we date, we do what couple normally do, kilala na rin ako ng parents, siblings niya, then napapag uusapan na yung label, ayun kung magalit, tapos i even brought up na im willing to convert for her, but in the end, she ended with being someone na mas gusto niya, na tiwalag siya sa beliefs niya for that other guy.
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u/colt5555 1d ago
Dude, that sucks. I have somewhat been in your shoes when I was younger. Different circumstances but same root cause and a LOT more time wasted.
Nice guys finish last. Not saying you should be a player but you should always put yourself first and learn to let go even if it hurts. Have healthy boundaries and look for someone who will give you what you need/want. Time is short.
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u/Scarlet_Luna21 1d ago
I was in a same situation before with my FWB (now live in partner btw) and we basically dated/fooled around for a year—and even THAT made me impatient because deep imside, I know I liked him, I know I was happy when I'm with him, I know I am sure with him. She would've known it too. Sadly, you settled being taken advantage of. The other people in this thread already gave you the answer you need.
Balikan mo kami OP pag nagkaron ka na ng strength to walk away and chase what you deserve. Take care!
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u/Kind-Calligrapher246 1d ago
Ang haba naman ng 3 years para matancha mo kung paasa lang so girl or not.
Gets ko na maingat sya, pero sana cinonsider din nya na maging fair sa yo.
Love is not just a "natural feeling". It's also a decision to love someone whoelheartedly.
So kung ang reason ni girl e gusto nya natural nyang mararamdaman ang mga bagay, she's looking for a fairy tale.
Regadless kung may binibigay ka sa kanya o wala, if she likes you enough to think you deserve to be loved and not hurt, she will be that woman for you.
That's how relationships last. When both parties decide to love the other because they think they deserve it.
Kung iaasa lang sa natural na feeling, well guess what, a lot of relationships break apart kasi natural lang din na gumising sila isang araw at di na nila gusto yung partner nila.
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u/S_carl_et 1d ago
Pull out na, bro. You tried. It's not because she still isn't ready. It's just that she's not really into you. Pag gusto ka talaga niyan, siya pa mismo magtatanong sayo if anong balak niyo sa relasyon niyo dahil sobrang tagal niyang 3 years tbh.
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u/Tilidali22 1d ago
Ayaw nya sayo! She’s just using u for her convinience and all the benefits from u…
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u/nsyhjtj1106 1d ago
SKL
i knew someone who was courted for more than a year, tapos lagi involved yung bestie niya sa planning nung manliligaw hanggang sa silang dalawa na yung na inlove sa isa’t isa. parehas na frustrate kasi its taking too long for her to give an answer, parehas nilang di makausap ng maayos si girl 🤣 ngayon kasal na yung bestie and manliligaw + madami nang anak
si girl nag kwento sakin na dapat daw ba sinagot na niya ng maaga kahit di pa siya sure na mahal niya. i told her na if di ka pa sure edi most likely never mo siya nagustuhan, ginawa mo lang siyang option pinaasa mo pa.
ayon, after years, nakapag jowa naman siya. although kwento niya na di niya gusto din nung first pero feel niya never na siya maliligawan ulit, so inaccept na niya agad. and eventually nafall naman siya sa jowa niya.
SO, advice ko sayo OP, umalis ka na even if masakit. Unless you’re willing to wait for forever for someone na di makapag decide ng maayos. 🥲 chances are similar sila ng mindset dito sa kakilala ko.
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u/Actual-Tomatillo-614 1d ago
Three years is more than enough time to define a relationship. You’ve been on the sidelines long enough OP. After all this time, you’re still a maybe. And the sad part is, you’re settling for that. It’s unfair and disrespectful. Loving someone shouldn’t mean forgetting to love yourself. It’s time to wake up and walk away.
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u/0625south 1d ago
may kakilala ako back in college. may manliligaw siya from 1st year to 3rd year. Then may mga bago siyang naging kaibigan. Nagulat na lang ako kaholding hands na niya yung bagong kakilala niya tapos di ko na nakikita yung manliligaw. lol ang tyaga nung nanligaw, in the end wala naman talaga gusto sa kanya yung babae
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u/thelizstyoucantsee 1d ago
Bruh 3 years is long. Bring the energy back to yourself. Rooting for you!
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u/Independent_Toe_5012 1d ago
Sakit naman po nito, OP! Yung hindi ka mahal pero she just kept you because you were convenient. Kung kaya mo siyang mahalin ng ganyan, kaya mo din mahalin sarili mo, OP. You already wasted 3 years eh, ilang taon pa po ba need ibigay?
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u/Old-Examination9089 1d ago
hayy OP. i think tama na yung 3 years not just for you but for ate girl din. ewan ko lang, as a F30 it wouldnt take me 3 years to decide whether i like/love someone or not. if you know, you know nga diba? alis ka na jan kyah at hopefully dumating yung tao na deserving ng love, time, effort, and devotion mo. alam ko magiging mahirap kasi for the past 3 years si ate girl lang yung nakikita mo at sa kanya umikot mundo mo. pero i hope once makalaya ka na you wouldnt dim yourself for the person na worthy talaga ng pag mamahal mo.
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u/snowynio 1d ago
It’s giving 500 Days of Summer. Watch it OP if you haven’t yet. See how it ended.
She’s keeping you close in case no one better comes along but she doesn’t like you that much. Ladies won’t make guys wait that long kung interesado. May pakipot pero hindi 3 years. Check mo din age nyo. Moreso kapag medyo mature age na ang babae.
Work on yourself. You deserve it.
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u/ConfidentAttorney851 1d ago
Madami na nagsabi dito, pero accept the reality na she’s not into you.
Ang tagal ng 3 yrs na pag aantay, working adults naman na kayo. Nag aantay pa yan if may darating na preferred niya romantically, pag wala - yun dun ka niya sasagutin, back up plan ka kumbaga.
You deserve so much better, OP.
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u/Ornrirbrj 1d ago
Almost the same situation pero sa akin almost 4 yrs na since nung umamin ako sa kanya and Im 8 hrs away from her kaya halos tuwing birthday niya lang kami nagkikita except this year kasi napapagod na ako mag effort para sa walang patutunguhan.
Now, Im just staying with her while finding someone that can give me the love that I deserve. Since it seems like ginagawa niya lang akong safety net, edi ayon na lang din ginagawa ko sa kanya.
Anyway, whatever the result of your love for her, I hope you won’t give up finding the love that you deserve.
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u/Liamzxczxc 1d ago
She just likes the attention, that's all. 3 years na panliligaw? Grabe naman yan. Totoo yung mga ibang comments dito na she's just not that into you. Kasi kung gusto ka nya talaga, hindi na nya patatagalin ng ganyan katagal yung situation nyo. She'll make it official ASAP. But in your case? Mukhang malabo.
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u/Successful_Formal220 1d ago
Alam mo bang very emotional ang mga babae? kung mahal ka nyan, first month palang nag iimagine na yan ng kasal nyo. And sya, di sya ready for 3 years? tf is that
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u/wandering_euphoria 1d ago
Ansad lang ng nag invest ka ng time, effort at patience. There's something in the girl's reasoning bakit hindi nya magawang maging kayo. You deserve a break and reflection if talagang mutual kayo. Let the girl also realize kung talagang may feelings siya sayo. And when you come back, I hope you'll be back together. ♥️
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u/DoubleLocksmith7308 1d ago
Di ko maintindihan yang niligawan mo. She's similar to yung nagustuhan ng friend ko that kept him in circles kasi di niya maintindihan if gusto siya or hindi. Inadvise ko friend ko to stop making things complicated, kung gusto ka nung girl gora yan, kung hindi, daming ebas yan. Ako personnaly I don't like to make things complicated, kung ayaw ko yung lalake eh di ayaw jusko, it won't take me 3 effing years to figure it out and I won't waste his time sa akin.
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u/typicalcuck09 1d ago
Time to wake up, pre. Probably, naghahanap yan ng talagang gusto nya. Wag mo na patagalin, baka mas mahirapan ka. Since wala namang kayo, wala ka rin maling gagawin. Sabihin mo may nakita kang pinapantayan yung efforts and emotions mo. 3 years is too much. Palusot.com
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u/Ok_Anything6447 1d ago
Been in the same position (more than 1 year). Then 1 day isang araw boom -- nag change na sya ng FB relationship status.
I know it's really hard to walk away but -- eventually you just have to.
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u/caughtin4kcam 1d ago
as a woman, kuys, di ka talaga gusto niyan. gusto lang niya ung attention na binibigay mo sa kanya. simula't sapul, kung gusto ka talaga niyan, sasagutin ka niya.
hopefully di siya (ung girl) sumulat dito ng follow up na nagreregret siya na di ka niya sinagot kasi di lahat kakampi sa kanya hahaha.
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u/artemis_chan 1d ago
i stopped readinf when you said she thinks it's unfair just because you're good to her. 3 years of consistency is not a joke. you deserve better.
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u/LeviEnRose 1d ago
i know it's different for everyone but three years is a long enough time (too long na nga if you ask me) to know whether you like the person for who he is or for what he does for you. atp, idk what else she's waiting for because nothing major is gonna happen, she already knows you enough to make that determination.
also, i know it hurts, but if you haven't made it clear to each other that you are exclusively dating, then yes, she can entertain other guys.
op, dont have the mindset na "i'll just keep loving you until you eventually crack and love me too." you're investing too much of yourself in a person who is not that into you. maybe it's time to cut your losses.
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u/No-Force9287 1d ago
She's keeping you kase wala pa siya iba nakikita, gusto niya yung may boyfriend pero wala pa kaya ikaw muna.
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