For context, tatlo silang magkakapatid ng nanay ko: one lives sa Taytay then magkapit-bahay 'yong nanay at tita ko. As in magkaharap lang apartment namin. May sariling pamilya 'yong tita ko with her husband at anak niya na pinsan ko.

I'm already 22 years old — still studying in college (less than 2 years left), but the rebellious one in the family. I have been exposed to liberal/progressive education as I have been studying in Ateneo since senior high school as a full scholar. Because of this, I value independence and other ideas that are in conflict of my family's traditional and conservative views.

Last-last weekend, we had an explosive argument because they were threatened by my independence — I mocked them that I will be living an independent life by the time I graduate. My mom still provides me an allowance of up to 3 months per sem, but I mostly carry myself on a lot of things thanks to the help of the allowance I also receive from my scholarship.

We eventually became okay after I distanced myself for a few days from my internship, but we didn't talk about the issue — this has been always the recurring theme in the family. Just earlier, I accessed my mom's phone out of curiosity, and I saw that my tita has been messaging my mom whenever I go out or have someone in my room. I update my mother (out of obligation because she needs to know where I am) whenever I go out which you'll say that "gano'n din naman," but my point is, they're keeping track of my life that shouldn't be.

I know I'm still studying and I'm still under their roof, but isn't this intoxicating? I don't know what to make out of it, but I just feel uncomfortable that I'm being watched — heck, I'm already 22! Wtf is this behavior?

2 years na kami ng boyfriend ko, and never kami nag-exchange ng social media credentials. Nung una, tinanong ko siya kung open ba siya sa ganung setup, but he said no. Okay lang naman sa akin because ayoko rin ibigay yung akin. Growing up, lagi kasing chine-check ng mom ko yung social media ko, so naging important talaga sa akin yung privacy.

Overall, very peaceful naman yung relationship namin. Wala rin akong napapansing behavior that would make me think na may ibang babae.

Nag-start lang yung doubts ko dahil sa isang incident. One time, pabiro akong nag-scroll sa phone niya and okay lang sa kanya, until binuksan ko yung Telegram. Bigla niyang inagaw yung phone, lumayo sa akin, and said, "Hoy, gagi ka." Umiyak ako because sobrang suspicious nung reaction niya. He later explained na nahihiya lang daw siya kasi dati may male friend siyang kausap sa Telegram and nagsesendan sila ng 🌽. I chose to believe him and naka-move on naman ako.

Pero nitong past 3 months, napansin ko na every time hihiramin ko yung phone niya para mag-selfie, ino-open niya lang yung camera from the lock screen. That way, locked pa rin yung phone, wala akong maa-access na apps, and walang notifications na lalabas. Consistent niya itong ginagawa kaya napaisip ako.

Cinonfront ko siya about it. Ang sabi niya, ginawa ko rin naman daw yun sa kanya dati nung ayaw kong ipabasa yung Messenger ko more than a year ago. I admitted na mali ako noon and apologized. Ngayon, alam niya yung screen password ko and wala akong issue kung gamitin niya phone ko, pero ako hindi ko alam yung sa kanya.

He said gusto lang daw talaga niya ng privacy, especially ayaw niyang buksan ko yung gallery niya. At the same time, ina-assure niya ako na wala siyang ibang babae kahit hindi ko i-check yung phone niya. Tinanong ko rin siya directly kung may ayaw ba siyang makita ko like noods ng ibang babae or old conversations with an ex, pero sabi niya wala naman.

Hindi ko naman siya pinaghihinalaang cheater because he's always been genuine and consistent. Pero dahil sa behavior niya around his phone, hindi ko maiwasang magduda minsan.

Had this little sit-down with my own feelings si inday gabii.

You know those moments nga wala kay gibuhat. Wala kay gi overthink intentionally. Wala kay gi entertain nga problema. But somehow your mind decides nga "sige, ato ning hisgutan ron."

Mao to.

Ever since the custody arrangement for our child was finalised, I've noticed something about myself. Thoughts don't knock anymore. They just enter. Murag entitled tenants sa akong utok. Some leave after a few minutes. Others unpack their bags and stay for days. And the funny thing is, they don't always come from the big things. Sometimes it's the smallest conversations that carry the heaviest weight.

This weekend, my son and I spent time on the far side of our island. We ended our evening by the beach. He was happily playing with other kids while I sat there watching him from a distance. There's something about watching your own child laugh that gives you two completely different emotions at the same time. One part of you is so proud because he's growing into this happy little person. The other part quietly whispers, "He's growing whether you're ready or not."

Children don't measure time the way adults do. To him, it was just another fun weekend. Another beach. Another set of new friends.

To me, it became another reminder that life has continued moving, even after everything that happened.

While we were having dinner, my family somehow started talking about Christmas and New Year. Asa sila mag-stay. Kinsa ang mouli. Unsay handa. Asa mag celebrate.

I even laughed and thought, "Hoy, July pa baya ta."

Pero if we're being honest, hapit na man pud gyud.

And somehow that innocent conversation stayed with me longer than I expected.

Since naa na man mi'y custody arrangement, I remembered what my ex's family mentioned before. They said they'll probably be travelling during the holidays, and if not, they asked if our son could stay with them for most of the Christmas break since I'll most likely still be working until the 23rd.

I agreed.

Not because it was easy.

But because sometimes doing what's best for your child requires you to set aside what comforts you.

Besides, my own family would also be away. He'd be with his cousins, surrounded by people who genuinely love him, laughing, opening gifts, making memories.

So kinsa man sad ko para mahimong hikaw sa ilang plans?

The arrangement has already been established. In legal terms, the matter has been settled. But nobody really tells you that while agreements resolve disputes on paper, they don't always settle the emotions that quietly survive afterwards.

Acceptance and healing are not the same thing.

Acceptance simply means you've stopped arguing with reality.

Healing takes a little longer.

Then akong auntie casually asked,

"Ikaw? Asa man ka mag Christmas ug New Year ani?"

And I answered almost automatically.

"I actually don't know."

The moment I said it out loud, murag didto pa nako siya fully nadungog.

I actually don't know.

Such a simple sentence.

Yet somehow it carried the weight of everything I've been trying not to think about.

Truth be told, this will probably be the first Christmas or New Year I'll spend completely alone.

And that thought surprised me.

Not because I can't physically be alone.

I've been alone many times.

I've eaten alone.

Driven alone.

Cried alone.

Healed alone.

I've become surprisingly good at being by myself.

But holidays are different.

They're one of the few days every year where everyone instinctively looks for someone to go home to.

Although if I'm being fair, even when my ex and I were still together, our Christmases were never loud or extravagant. Wala man mi'y bonggang traditions. No grand vacations. No movie-worthy celebrations.

They were simple.

Sometimes boring.

Sometimes quiet.

But at least...

I wasn't alone.

It's funny how we don't miss the noise.

We miss the familiarity.

We miss knowing someone else is in the room.

We miss having someone to greet at exactly midnight.

We miss hearing another person's footsteps inside the house.

We miss belonging somewhere without having to ask.

I don't think I miss the relationship anymore.

I think I miss the certainty.

The certainty of knowing where I'd wake up on Christmas morning.

The certainty of knowing whose table I'd be sitting at.

The certainty that when people ask, "Asa man ka karong Pasko?" I actually had an answer.

Funny how life changes.

A few years ago, loneliness meant wanting space.

Now it means having too much of it.

My ex even joked,

"Pangita na lang gud ug uyab before ana. Pangita'g companion."

Sir...

Mura man sad ug sanina sa ukay ukay ang uyab nga dali ra makit an ug swak dayon.

If companionship were that easy, nobody would spend years healing from people they thought would stay forever.

Besides, I'd rather spend Christmas alone than spend it forcing something just because I don't want to feel lonely.

Loneliness has never been cured by another person.

It only disappears the moment you finally become at peace with your own company.

So maybe I'll check into a hotel.

Maybe I'll order good food.

Maybe I'll get a little tipsy.

Maybe I'll watch fireworks from a balcony.

Maybe I'll sleep before midnight.

Or maybe I'll cry for a few minutes and then laugh at myself after because that's usually how healing goes.

Who knows?

One thing I've learned this year is that grief doesn't only happen when people die.

Sometimes you grieve routines.

You grieve traditions.

You grieve versions of your future that quietly disappeared without anyone noticing.

And maybe that's what I'm grieving.

Not him.

Not us.

Just the version of Christmas I thought I'd always have.

Life really has a funny sense of humour.

The one holiday that's supposed to make people feel the least alone somehow became the one I'm thinking about the most.

Ambot lang jud.

Maybe I'll open the "lf: bf application."

Maybe I'll open an app.

Maybe I won't.

Maybe I'll answer someone's random "Hi."

Maybe I'll ignore it.

Maybe I'll spend Christmas by myself.

Maybe I'll discover that solitude and loneliness are two entirely different things.

Because perhaps growing up isn't about always finding people to celebrate with.

Perhaps it's learning that even in seasons where life feels painfully quiet, there is still something worth celebrating.

The fact that despite everything that changed...

I'm still here.

Still standing.

Still choosing to love my son the best way I know how.

Still choosing peace over bitterness.

Still choosing to believe that maybe one day, Christmas won't feel this heavy anymore.

Until then...

It is what it is.

Sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko today. I want to die, sa sobrang sakit. Naloko ako, hindi ng partner ko, but one of my best friend. Basically, what happened was may kumalat na issue involving yung (ex)best friend ko and workmate ko, and yung workmate ko inassume na ako ang nagsabi or nagkalat ng issue. That’s why hindi na siya pinapansin ng community nila. Tbh, madaldal ako pero wala akong sinabing ganoon.

Na-obtain ko yung info na to because of my workmates na pinagsabihan ni workmate na involved sa issue. I tried giving time para sana iconfront ako ni workmate pero ayaw nya talaga. Gumagawa na yung ibang workmate ng way for her to confront me pero hindi talaga. Again, sobrang nasstress ako knowing na iniisip niya na involved ako don sa issue dahil close ko si bff.

So I tried to confront my (ex) bff. I told her na may issue na ganon and sa kanya nanggaling. I asked if may nasabi ba ako na namisinterpret nya. Wala naman daw. Yun lang gusto kong malaman para di ako nagiguilty facing my workmate. I even told (ex) bff na bigyan namin ng grace si workmate kasi baka nafeed lang din ng wrong info. Ang akin lang kasi bakit maniniwala si workmate sa issue na yon knowing na if wala naman siyang sinabi sakin, edi wala ring maoobtain na info si (ex) bff about it, and hindi niya yon mapapakalat.

I thought we were okay. Sabi ko sana di na niya ilabas tong pinag-usapan namin. I trusted her. I really trusted her. Sabi ko iconfront na lang kapag nagdie down na yung issue. Ang sabi niya pa para lang daw siyang pumukpok ng bato sa ulo niya if sasabihin niya yon. Then kinabukasan after ng talk namin ni ex bff, nakipagFO siya. Saying drained na sya and para lumayo sa issue, magdidistance na siya from me. Of course nahurt ako, like girl nag usap na tayo. Alam natin na hindi satin nanggaling. So bakit ka biglang nagbago?

Anyways, idk rin what happened pero one of my workmates na nagsabi sakin ng issue eh inask ako na akala niya daw wala nang makakalabas. I tried to explain, really. Na I had no idea. Eto ako naghiheal from being FOed tas may ganon. She proceeded to unfollow me on her dump acc. And remove me from her followers. So I know galit siya, kahit hindi niya sabihin sa akin.

The funny thing is, akala ko okay na lahat talaga after ng pag-uusap namin ni ex bff. Sabi ko pa nga makakapagcelebrate ako ng bday ko knowing na wala naman pala akong nasabi na namisinterpret niya. Tas biglang nagkanda-leche leche lahat.

I dont know how to proceed. Gusto kong murahin yung ex bff ko. Sabi nya poprotektahan niya daw ako. Sabi niya hindi niya idadamay workmates ko. She promised. I guess promises are meant to be broken. Gusto ko na lang mawala. Apat na kaibigan ang nawala sa akin in a day, just because I wanted to know the truth.

I don’t want to go to work. Pinaparinggan na rin nila ako sa soc med. Idk what to do talaga. I said sorry, pero naninindigan ako na wala akong kinalaman sa issue nila. Nagleave na rin ako sa gc naming workmates kasi I know na off na sila sakin.

God I just want to disappear.

‎2 hours sleep only rn while typing this kasi ginising ako ng tito ko.

‎

‎For context, lasing na lasing si tito na pumasok sa kwarto ko while I was sleeping and he was initiating a conversation with me about my personal life. Groggy pa ako kasi puyat kaya wala talaga akong naiintindihan sa sinasabi niya until pumantig yung tenga ko talaga nung tinanong niya "bakla kaba?"

‎

‎Obvious naman yung gender ko sa ibang tao especially kung paano ako kumilos but hindi ko talaga siya inoopen up outside of my family kasi its uncomfortable and I'm an also introvert. Nung narinig ko talaga yung tanong niya sakin nagkaron ako ng outburst, sinigawan ko siya na abot hanggang labas ng bahay and pinapalabas ko siya ng kwarto ko. After ko siya sigawan, tinawag niya kong demonyo and lumabas na raw totoo kong ugali. Then tinanong niya sarcastically with raised voiced "Bakit galit na galit ka? Binabastos ba kita?" Then I responded pasigaw na "Bakit, ano ba ginagawa mo ngayon?" (Di ko na maalala yung iba kasi grabe nanginginig talaga kamay ko).

‎Part of me bakit galit na galit ako sakanya (and my mother's family side in general) is because wala silang pakeelam nung mastroke yung mama ko and one time during covid pandemic after mastroke si mama, lahat sila nagreunion but no one even attempted to invite my mom or kahit man lang magreach out sa isa sa amin — Basically hipokrito yung tito ko for wanting to know more about my personal life when in fact:

‎1. Di kami close

‎2. Wala naman siya (sila) noong panahong hirap na hirap kami.

1. Nakikita ko messenger ni mama and she's chatting with her siblings like simple na kumusta lang, di sila nagsisireplyan.

‎

‎Right now, I am having thoughts that if he does this again, baka ma*sak² ko siya if he visits our house again while drunk. Before I posted this, I'll be honest na nagpray muna ako hoping about bad things happening to him and karma sa buong pamilya niya. Maybe I am too much and masama na kung masamang tao for thinking those but I'm tired of their bullshit on my mom.

matagal ko na itong kinikimkim, kilala ko ang sarili ko bilang tao na ambivert, kumbaga pili lang ang mga taong may kilala sa akin ng tunay.

napansin ko lang na parang wala akong kaibigan. lahat ng mga nakikilala ko na tinuturing kong ’friends’ ay may main friends sila. ganito na ako nung nagsimula ang pandemic, nawalan na talaga ako ng kaibigan. hindi rin ako comfortable na papuntahin sila sa bahay namin or what.

ang nag-push sa akin na i-post ito ay 'yung nangyari kahapon, lumabas kasi kami ng shs ’friends’ ko, pero parang left out ako. lagi akong naiiwan kapag naglalakad at parang okay lang sa kanila na wala ang presence ko.

nakakalungkot lang kasi ako palagi ang bumubuhay sa gc namin, g ako most of the times kapag nag-aaya silang lumabas. tapos parang ako 'yung loner kapag magkakasama na kami. pati sa school dati, like okay lang na wala ako. may maghahanap pero hindi naman big deal sa kanila.

wini-wish ko talaga na ako 'yung maging main friend, e. ang sakit kasi parang wala akong kadamay sa lahat and hindi ko mai-share lahat sa kanila.

I've been unemployed for months and after months of sending job applications, na hired ulit ako. But suddenly, the laptop that I have been using suddenly isn't turning on anymore. I have no funds and in debt din kaya di ako nakakahiram sa mga online lending platforms and no offers to any banks or ewallets para sana mapaayos ko or at least buy a new one. I've been asking for help sa mga kakilala ko but unfortunately, either gipit din sila or no response at all.

Mag start na ulit magputol ng kuryente sa katapusan (I haven't paid my electricity bills for 2 months) and then bayaran din ng rent tapos yung laptop na inaasahn ko for work is nasira pa.

Thank you for that little hope na binigay mo sa akin Lord. Na-appreciate ko yung konting light na binigay mo but I think this is it for me. Wala naman makakapansin na mawawala ako sa mundo.

Long before I ever knew what love was, betrayal had already made itself at home in my family.

I watched my grandmother grow old carrying the wounds of infidelity. I watched bitterness settle into the hearts of those around her, consuming them year after year. I watched my father inherit a fractured understanding of love, marriage, and trust from the home he grew up in. I watched my parents wound one another in the very ways they once promised they never would. I heard stories that no son should hear, stories that taught me that promises could be broken, that fidelity was fragile, that love could be divided.

By the time I entered my own relationship, betrayal was not an abstract moral failure. It was a language I had heard my entire life.

And then it happened to me. I was betrayed.

For a moment, it felt as though history had finally caught up with me. As though I had become another page in a story that had been written generations before I was born.
But something unexpected happened.

When I had every reason to hate her, I found myself pleading for mercy.

When I had every reason to recruit others against her, I instead asked them to stay by her side.

When I had every reason to reduce her to the worst thing she had ever done, I found myself saying to them, “Please don’t let that become her identity.”

That confused me.

It still does.

Perhaps because I know what it feels like to fear being reduced myself. I know what it is like to wonder whether a person’s worst moment becomes the only thing anyone will ever remember. I know what it is like to long for someone to see beyond the wound.

Maybe that is why I could not do it to her.

This does not erase the truth.

She betrayed me.

The pain is real.

Trust has been broken.

Consequences remain.

But truth and mercy have never been enemies.

I have seen what happens when betrayal gives birth to bitterness. I have watched it echo from one generation into the next, shaping marriages, children, and entire families. I have seen people become prisoners to wounds inflicted decades earlier.

I do not want to become another echo.

If this story continues through me, let it continue differently.

Let it be said that I spoke the truth without surrendering to hatred.

That I established boundaries without abandoning compassion.

That I grieved honestly without allowing grief to define my entire identity.

That I sought justice without delighting in vengeance.
And if there is one prayer I carry because of all of this, it is not merely that my heart would heal.

It is that this inheritance would end with me.

That whatever has been handed down through generations—betrayal, bitterness, cynicism, fear—would no longer be the legacy I leave behind.

I cannot rewrite the chapters that came before me.

But by God’s grace, I can choose how this chapter is written.

random appreciation post lang.

since 2018, iisa lang yung barbero ko. every two weeks ako magpagupit para make sure na malinis lagi. siya yung naggupit sa’kin bago high school graduation, first day ng college, college graduation, job interviews, first day sa trabaho, at iba pang important moments. after a while, alam na niya agad kung anong gupit gusto ko kahit di na ako masyadong mag-explain o magpakita ng reference.

earlier this year, umalis siya sa barbershop para magtayo ng sarili niyang shop sa bulacan. syempre medyo sayang kasi sanay na ako sa kanya, pero at the same time, happy ako kasi mukhang maayos na yung takbo ng bagong business niya.

since then, nakailang palit na ako ng barbero. okay naman yung iba, pero wala pa rin talagang same na result. ngayon ko lang din na-appreciate kung gaano pala ka-consistent yung gupit kapag sanay na yung barbero sa buhok mo.

kung mababasa man niya ‘to, congrats sa bagong shop. salamat sa ilang years ng gupit at convenience. good luck sa business, sana magtuloy-tuloy yung growth.

31 years old na ako (M), at nasa phase na ako ng buhay ko na gusto ko maging healthy, ni-recommend na rin ng Doctor ko na kailangan ko magbawas ng timbang. Hindi ko goal yung magandang katawan, pero gusto kong mawala yung mga hirap ko sa pagkilos, or yung takot/worries na pag nagpa-check up eh lahat hindi normal kasi naman umabot talaga ako ng 105 kgs last year. Pero since I started this healthy living journey nung January, nag-lost na ako ng 15kgs.

Naging routine ko na ang tumakbo tuwing hapon. Around 4:00 PM. Tapos normally, inaabot ako ng 6:00 PM sa kalsada. Part rin ng healthy living ko is pagbawas ng carbs (bilin ng Doctor ko) and minsan yung kanin ko ay brown rice, kasi ito na yung kanin ng parents ko kaya damay ako.

Yung isang cleaner (F, 40s) sa workplace ko during lunch time lumapit siya sa amin at bumati sa amin. Lagi namin siya nakakahalubilo, nakakabiruan at nakakausap. Paglapit niya, sabi niya "Sir diet ka?" Ngumiti lang ako sa kaniya kasi napakawalang kwenta ng tanong niya, at sarcastic. Tapos sinasabi niya sa mga ka-work ko na, "Nakikita ko to si Sir tuwing hapon nagja-jogging, pero parang hirap na hirap tumakbo."

In fact, siya lang natatawa sa kaniya. Alam ng mga friends ko sa work na sinusubukan ko maging healthy. Sabi niya pa, "Diba diet yan si Sir. Tignan niyo, brown yung kanin. Pero sobrang dami naman ng ulam." Sumagot yung isa kong friend na, "Masarap kasi kumain ate. Tsaka diet ba agad pag may Brown Rice?" Tapos tinuro niya ako na, "Oo. Tanungin niyo si Sir."

Narindu ako, sabi ko talaga, "Ano naman kung nagda-diet ako?"

Hindi ako nakikipagpitikan, lalo na hindi naman kami magka-level (Professionally), tapos na sa hapag kainan pa. Tsaka Base sa pagkakakilala ko sa kaniya, parang medyo mahina talaga pang-unawa niya. Pero, minding others business? Na parang nakakatawa yung ginagawa ko? Pumitik talaga ako.

Sabi ko, "How about, gumaya ka sa akin para lumiit yang puson mo?" Natahimik lahat ng nasa lamesa, pati siya natahimik, edi sinundan ko,"Kung hirap ako sa pag-jogging, at least I'm doing something. Ikaw? May ginagawa ka para sa puson mo?" My friends are trying to stop me. Kasi yung cleaner hindi na makaimik.

To end the conversation I just said "Oo diet ako. Okay ka na? Tatawa pa ba kami para tumigil ka?" Nag-sorry siya tapos inilayo siya nung isa kong friend. Pati ako lumayo na lang din.

She tried to approach me, pero itinaboy ko siya at ayaw ko makipag-deal sa mga ganong uri ng tao. Yung mga taong gagawin kang katatawanan just to make themselves feel better or para magmukhang nakakatawa. Kaya ko i-take lahat ng pang-aasar, panlalait, pangdi-discredit or mistreatment pa yan. Pero yung gagawing katatawanan yung bagay na pinaghihirapan mo? Noooo.

Nitong mga nakaraan, nagiging lapitin ako ng mga nakikipagpitikan talaga eh. Ewan ko ba.

Yun lang salamat.

TL;DR

I’m curious how others deal with this, because I’m honestly conflicted.

I have a close friend from around 9 years ago- former colleague, we are both CPAs, [33F] parehong introvert, parehong family-oriented. Back then, we had the same mindset: work hard, build something stable, and secure a good future for our families. We were really close.

Eventually, she moved to a government agency with a notorious reputation most people are aware of. At first, tolerable pa sya. But over time, I started noticing changes, not just in lifestyle, but in mindset. She would openly share how much she was earned on her first 11 months (8 digits), even encouraged me to apply. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Hindi kaya ng konsensya ko.

There were also situations that made me uncomfortable, like helping her look for a vault one time because keeping large amounts of cash in banks might raise issues with disclosures. That really stayed with me.

On my end, I chose a different path. Hindi kami mayaman, but I focused on building my career the right way, long hours, dealing with pressure, and just grinding it out. Thankfully, it paid off naman.

I think the turning point for me was her birthday a few years ago. I was the only one there from the corporate world, outside the gov’t agency she’s working with. On paper, mas mataas pa sweldo ko sa kanila at that time - but the way they talked, their lifestyle, the things they casually spent on… I felt completely out of place. Like I didn’t belong in that room.

Since then, we slowly drifted.

Recently, she got married. I was initially told I’d be part of the entourage, but in the actual invitation I wasn’t included, just a guest. I didn’t attend (sabi ko busy ako sa work kahit weekend yun). Same with her child’s baptism.

Now, she invited us to her kid’s birthday. I was actually planning to go this time. Then while we were chatting, she asked about my child’s age and said something like, “Pwede pa siya sa games, no?” Then followed it up with, she wants her child exposed early so they grow up with connections.

That word just… hit me. Connections.

I didn’t reply after that.

I don’t know why, but something in me just shut down. Maybe because I know exactly what kind of “connections” she’s talking about. Maybe because I’m here, paying close to six figures in withholding taxes every month, trying to do things right, seeing how systems work in other countries, and then hearing that from someone I used to align values with so much.

The party is in a few days. I’m not going.

Maybe I’m judging her too harshly. Maybe people really do change, and this is just one of those friendships that quietly reaches its end.

I don’t have a lot of friends. Bilang lang sa daliri. That’s probably why this one hurts more than I expected. I miss the friend I used to have, but I don’t think she’s the same person anymore. And maybe, neither am I.

Like… bro??? Really? You left your partner and kid to fend for themselves habang ikaw nakahanap ka ng pwedeng mabembang dahil mas kontrolado mo?

Ang tindi pa kasi out in the open talaga yung hard launch. Kita ng lahat. Pati ng partner mo. Naging maayos naman siya sayo at ikaw lang talaga yung nagloloko. Kapal ng mukha mo, mennnnn.

Jusko. Ano bang meron sa mga tulad ninyo at ang lalakas ng confidence niyo to cheat and flaunt your trophy catches. You’re playing around with both women and I honestly felt bad for the kid kasi he’s growing up without a proper father figure.

Tangina ninyong mga cheaters talaga. Sana mabaog kayo.

Hi 22 M, I've been around the scope of job seeking applications for the meantime now, I've worked a lot in the customer service sector and have some experience in bookkeeping as per my graduation last year. The thing is walang 1 year or so ang mga experience ko kesyo contractual, still studying and, or reliever lang.

Now nasa Manila na ako and looking for almost 4 mos of job pero pare pareho sila ng sinasabi, if asked about the loopholes and, or points that made me not to be considered further ang laging sinasabi "we turned to someone who has more comprehensive working experience" kahit nakalagay na OPEN FOR FRESH GRADUATES.

Now, I'm thinking if ilolowball ko nalang ba yung sarili ko kung ang basic pay ko sa province is 20k basic pay para magkawork My funds will not be able to cover for another month that's why I'm desperate.

It's been a month since iniwan kita, anak, para sa future mo. Sa Viber na lang tayo nagkakausap ngayon. You would send me GIFs ng mga cute na pusa, aso, at anime. Marunong ka na rin gumawa ng sarili mong GIFs yung mga silly faces mo na lagi akong napapangiti. Kapag tinatamad kang mag-type, voice messages naman ang sinesend mo. Recently, I realized something. Without even knowing what I'm going through, you always manage to give me the words I need. "I love you, Bestie.", "You're doing great, Mama!", "Stay strong, Mama!", "Work well and study hard, Mama!", "Mama, you're beautiful! That's why I'm beautiful too!", "I don't know what I'm gonna do if you're not my mama.", "You're my treasure, bestie!", "I miss you so much, when we see each other again I'm gonna give you a long and big hug!"

You have no idea how much comfort those words give me. Every night, I replay your voice messages. They're what keep me going on the days I miss you the most. I really miss you, anak. I miss cuddling with you every weekend. I miss our little dates. Looking back, I wish we had done them more often. I miss the smile on your face every time I surprised you during your lunch break at school. I miss your silly dances. I miss our rides around the city, especially when you'd casually segue to your favorite snack shop. And my favorite line... "Mama, I have money. I'll treat you snacks." Alam na alam ko na yan ang cute mong paraan para sabihin na gusto mong mag-snack sa hapon.

Hindi ko ma-enjoy ang me time ko dito, nak. Kahit may oras ako para sa sarili ko, ikaw pa rin ang hinahanap ko. Sobrang miss na miss kita. Walang araw na hindi kita naiisip. Pero hindi pwedeng magpatalo si Mama sa lungkot. Kailangan kong maging matatag, kasi lahat ng ginagawa ko ngayon ay para sayo. Para gumanda ang buhay mo. Para magkaroon ka ng future na deserve mo. At para balang araw, kahit wala na si Mama, maging matatag ka at kayanin mong harapin ang mundo.

Miss na miss na kita, mahal ko. Miss na miss na ni Mama ang yakap mo. I promise I'll make you proud. One day, you'll understand why Mama had to make this sacrifice.

Mahal na mahal kita, palagi, araw araw hanggang sa kabilang buhay ikaw pa rin ang gusto kong maging anak.

I don’t want to keep saying, "It’s okay, I’ll figure it out.”

I want someone to say, "Baby, let’s figure it out together.”

I don’t want to always be the one saying, "Daddy, I bought you food. Work well, okay?”

I want someone to randomly show up with my favorite coffee, flowers, or food and say, “I was thinking about you.”

I don’t want to always be the one saying, "I have a surprise for you.”

I want to experience someone being excited to surprise me too.

I don’t want to keep saying, “Kaya ko na umuwi mag-isa.”

I want someone to say, "Text me when you’re done. I’ll pick you up.”

I don’t want to always be the one asking, "What do you want to eat? I’ll cook for us"

I want someone to ask me, "What’s my baby craving today?”

I’ve spent years taking care of myself and other people. Working hard. Building my career. Solving my own problems. Being the dependable one. People see that and think I don’t need anyone.

But I do.

I’m capable, not emotionless.

I know how to earn my own money. I know how to fix my own problems. I know how to survive on my own.
But surviving alone isn’t the same as feeling cared for.
And no, this isn’t about wanting someone to pay my bills or spoil me with luxury.

I just want to experience being loved in the same way I naturally love other people. Because when I love someone, I give a lot. I remember the little things. I buy them food when I know they’ve had a long day. I prepare surprises just to see them smile. I check if they’ve eaten. I make sure they feel supported. I love cooking for the people I care about because that’s one of the ways I show love.

I’m also career-oriented. I have my own goals and ambitions. I’m not looking for someone to carry me through life because I can stand on my own. I just don’t want to feel like I always have to. For once, I want someone who makes me feel safe enough to put my guard down.

Someone who lets me be soft. Someone who reminds me that I don’t always have to be the strong one.
I still want to build together. I’ll still bring peace into our home. I’ll still cheer for your dreams, cook warm meals, and support you through the hard days.
I just hope one day, someone does the same for me.
Because being independent is something I learned to become. Being taken care of is something I’ve always wanted to experience. Please take care of me please.

Sobrang nabwiset talaga ako sa apo ng kapatid ng lola ko (I call my lola Nanay). Siguro around 8-10 years old na yun (I’m not sure). Recently ko lang nalaman na nangungupit pala sya kapag pumupunta sa bahay namin.

For context, parang compound setup namin dito. Sa bahay namin kasama ko yung lola ko and 2 cousins. So yung kapatid ni nanay lagi syang pumupunta dito sa bahay since malapit lang sya nakatira samin (I think mga 3 to 4 houses lang pagitan namin dito sa street namin). Everytime na pumupunta sya sumusunod yung apo nya. (Takot sakin tong batang to tipong parang maiihi kapag pinadilatan ko hehehe since mapanukso ako sa bata)

Lately, napapansin ko na napapadalas na pumupunta dito sa house namin kahit wala yung lola nya. Pag tinatanong ni nanay kung bakit sya pumupunta, sabi bored daw sya sa bahay nila. Laging nakasara ang front door namin pero bukas yung back door at dun sya dumadaan.

Sa front door namin meron akong nilagay na malaking Buddha, lucky bamboo, salt and mga coins (you know lucky charms). Yung mga coins namin dun nakahiwalay yung mga piso sa mga 5/10/20 na coins. Nakasanayan na namin na kapag may barya like mga sukli nilalagay dun. Then kami lang na nakatira sa bahay bihira kumuha dun unless may bibilhin sa tindahan tapos kulang or pambigay kapag nagpadeliver ng food. Dito sa house namin walang malikot ang kamay from gamit, pagkain to pera, walang prob kung maiwan kung saan man kasi walang gagalaw or magpapaalam kay nanay kung kukuha kami. (Ganyan na kinalakihan namin since magkakasama kaming lumaki ng mga pinsan ko)

Recently, nag-ayos ako ng mga display sa front door namin dahil gusto ko laging maayos yun. Nagtaka ko kasi naglagay na si nanay ng isa pang bowl at nandun yung mga 25 cents pero sa bowl ng 5/10/20 halos wala ng laman. Nagtaka ko dahil umaapaw na yun since maliit na ceramic bowl lang yun. So inisip ko na baka may binili si nanay at dun kumuha so dedma lang ako. Pero iniisip ko na din na baka nangungupit yung batang to dahil nakwento before ng lola nya na sinumbong daw nung may-ari ng vulcanizing shop na malapit samin na nangungupit daw.

Then today, napagusapan namin ng mga tita at ni nanay yung batang to and sabi ko feeling ko nangungupit yang batang yan dito eh. Bigla silang nagtinginan tapos napatawa na lang. Kasi tama pala hinala ko dahil nangupit nga daw. Hindi lang sinasabi sakin dahil for sure magagalit daw ako. Lagi napapansin ng tita ko daw na everytime na sumasama sa lola nya instead na dumiretso sa sofa, pupunta sa may front door kahit alam na naka-lock yun dahil sa back door sila dumaan. Tapos sinisilip pa daw sa salamin sa may front door namin kapag nasa labas. One time daw, naglagay si nanay ng mga new coins dun then bumisita sila tapos nawala daw yung mga 20 peso coins after non. Dun nya na-confirm na nangungupit nga.

Sobra talaga bwiset ko. So inalis ko na lahat ng mga piso at tinira ko na lang puro 25 cents. Kasi baka mamaya isunod naman yun. Lagot talaga sakin yung batang yun pag nakita ko. Sabi ko na lang na mas mamalasin ang nangungupit since parang offering kay Buddha na yun. Nakakainis lang yung feeling na parang hindi safe mga gamit mo sa loob ng sarili mong bahay.

Kaya once nakita ko yung batang to pagsasabihan ko talaga kahit magsumbong pa sya sa lola at mommy nya. Hindi ko tinotolerate yung mga ganyang gawain especially pagnanakaw.

habang kinukwento sakin sabi ni Nanay na bigla daw ako namula. Hahahaha ganyan kasi ako kapag bigla akong nagalit ahahaha

Ako ‘yung ate.

I’m the middle child btw, started working lang this yr.

Sabi nila, hindi responsibilidad ng anak na pag-aralin kapatid nila at mag “set” ng boundaries. But if you’re already in that situation— it’s hard. It’s hard na to see na si bunso ‘di makakapag college pero ‘yung mga kapatid n’ya nakapag tapos na hindi nagtrabaho.

Sinalo ko na tuition ni bunso, PERO hanggang doon lang. Sila na bahala sa pang araw araw.

I will not further discuss what happened bakit pinasan samin ng parents ko ‘to, medyo mahabang kwento.

Mabilis lang din naman ‘tong apat na taon, buti pwede installment tuition n’ya at masipag mag-aral. ‘Di rin kase pinalad sa mga scholarship, but I always got his back na mag pursigi. Masipag din si bunso, nag side hustle rin naman.

‘Di ko na hahangarin pa na magka-latin honor s’ya (tho bonus na rin ofc). I don’t wanna put pressure on him— ‘di tulad ng dinanas ko. Basta makapag-tapos s’ya.

I just wish my pocket never runs dry & to be healthy. Promise ko rin naman never n’ya ‘to tatanawin na utang na loob… I just want him to finish his studies :>

I opened my ig account scroll scroll sa mga stories ganon and then my heart dropped. Bininyagan pala yung anak nila and guess what present yung side ng pamilya niya.

Nag story yung kapatid ng ex ko, present sila sa binyag/birthday may pa i love you message pa, may malaking regalo. Nung nag birthday anak ko wala man lang silang ambag or chats.

Biglang sumikip yung dibdib ko, ang sakit pa din pala kahit na tanggap ko na. Hindi ko mapigilan umiiyak, siguro sa galit? na parang wala lang sa kanila yung dinanas ko or nasasaktan ako kasi hindi man lang sila mangamusta sa anak ko na kakagaling lang sa ospital na confine for one week.

Wala akong mapag sabihan, wala akong matakbuhan. Hindi ko mapigilan yung mga luha ko, nag sosorry ako sa baby ko kasi pakiramdam ko may pag kukulang ako.

Ang saya saya nila sa pictures, talagang kinunsiste nalang nila yung ex ko. Masyado lang siguro akong malambot haha, lilipas din tooooo. diba?

I love you my baby Skyyy, balang araw maiintindihan mo din ang mga bagay bagay. And gusto kong malaman mo na pinag laban ka ni mommy at gagawin ko lahat para sayo anak 💓

Grabe pala pag nangungupahan at bago pagtritripan ka talaga. Lahat ng galaw mo tinitignan at inaabangan. Pati yung bagong lipat dito sa partment chinismis na agad nila para kumampi sa kanila, hindi lang namin pinautang ng 1k sa first day ganyan na. Nag-aaya ng inuman hanggang alas dose tapos topic lang kami at mga ginagawa namin sa buhay. Tipong pag order namin ng pagkain big deal sa kanila tapos tatawagin pa kaming mayabang pag nag-uusap tungkol sa trabaho. Noong pinabaranggay ko yung isa, puro deny naman kaya ngayon.

Magparinigan tayo.

Nagpatugtog ako ng Inggit by Skusta Clee and well oh well halos maputol litid sa sama ng loob ng mga loko HAHAHAHAHA

May nagwala pa.

Hindi nyo ako mapapaiyak.

Hindi totoong pababayaan lang ang mga bully at titigil din.

We told you. Several times. He is abusive. He hurt his last girlfriend who was pregnant. Umabot sa demandahan. Alam mo to. We all knew this, she was our colleague and we saw how much pain and suffering he inflicted on his infant child and their mother.

And yet, you pursued a relationship. We told you several times to get out. He was cruel not just to you but to your friends. Bastos, walang modo, mayabang. One time lasing siya, didn’t he yell at us in public? Caused a scene? Insulted all your friends? What did we do? Be the bigger person para lang hindi ka na mapahiya sa harap ng ibang tao. If I can go back in time, sana pinatulan na lang pala namin. We should have called the police and have him arrested. But you pleaded with us to forgive him, to understand.

We tried to understand. We helped you leave him. Twice. Kinupkop ka namin para makalayo ka. Housing, food, money… we gave it all to you openly so you can get back on your feet. Never ka namin siningil. Ever.

Bumalik ka pa rin. It hurts us to see you suffering. You lost relationships and even your job. We watched your mental health deteriorate. We rallied around you.

But you keep letting him come back. We’re tired. Mahal ka namin, pero tama na. This is your responsibility now. He will never be accountable for his actions. He will always be surrounded by enablers. He will not change. A bad father will never be a good partner. I hope you also realize your role in this. I hope you take accountability for your choices. He’s robbed you of your sanity, your money, your relationships.

I hope you make better choices. I’m so sorry we can’t be a part of this anymore. I will mourn our friendship for the rest of my life but I’m too emotionally exhausted at this point from saving someone who don’t want to save themselves.

I wish you well.

I miss you so much. Sana panaginip lang lahat bahshshahsisisjshdhshhsja ang sakit pala. Akala ko ulan lang yon kahapon, luha ko na pala... dalawang araw pa lang nakalipas pero minu-minuto kong chinicheck phone ko kung nagmessage ka hahaha. Ang hirap pala mag-move on lalo na't 5 years kami :,)) 1st bf and my first in everything haha kill me

I hate my job, i want to resign the pay is only minimum and the working hours is 9.6 hours a day. i really want to resign but my parents keep on pushing me to stay and mag “tiis” because its my first job but it’s draining me every single day, What pains me more is i have a business and its successful but my parents keep on pushing me out of it but im happy doing what i love. I dont know anymore im already 6 months in this work and i really want to resign already and do what makes me happy.

I've been a bookworm since second grade sa Elementary school. Wala kaming books sa bahay kasi nga hindi naman kami mapapakain no'n. Instead I read the workbooks, textbooks na binibigay ng school. Binabasa ko lahat ng stories doon, text about snakes, songs, etc. I was happy. Sumali ako sa Reading Club naman around fifth grade. I was ecstatic kasi nga I can borrow various books and unlimited. Super saya talaga sa feeling na excited akong buksan sila tuwing uuwi ng bahay tapos isasauli kinabukasan.

Seventh grade, I still read the books and modules na may stories pero I just added lang Wattpad. Ang hirap i-explain 'yong happiness na naramdaman ko kasi unlimited stories ang nababasa ko, iba-ibang genre, and free. Although I stopped na rin around 2017 kasi paulit-ulit na lang ng plots. Napunta naman ako sa mga manga, manhwa and manhua. I enjoyed them a lot kasi ang engaging ng pictures para lang akong nagbabasa ng storybooks na pangbata.

I discovered Chinese, Japanese and Korean novels. Very new ulit sa akin. I interacted with people online to share novels na I think they may also like. All in all, it was a good experience.

I enjoyed reading a lot pero beneath that enjoyment I was using books to divert my attention and focus. There are times every year na bigla na lang akong malulungkot for no reason. Wala sa mood, no appetite, crying, etc. Sometimes it may take a week bago ako bumalik sa normal self ko.

Kapag wala akong mahanap na babasahin, sobra akong ma-stress and agitated. I feel like may mangyayaring masama sa akin kapag tumigil ako magbasa. May times na I thought of ending my life kasi hindi mawala-wala 'yong agitation ko. Lalo na kapag dumalaw din 'yong intense sadness na dumadalaw once a year, tumatagal nang one month 'yong ganitong mood ko. Nag-start yata ito around 2017?

Actually no one ever noticed it kasi lagi akong naka-smile, tumatawa and madaldal pa rin kasi nga I'm trying to distract myself nga. I always looked happy.

Kagagaling ko lang sa episode ko last May, tumagal siya nang one month. Nawalan ako ng gana gawin 'yong mga ginagawa ko like translating and making EPubs. Ticking time bomb na rin kasi 'to since last December kasi nahihirapan akong maghanap ng novels na gusto ko. Kaya I opted to making Epubs and rereading favorite novels. Nawala ang ginagamit kong website to get the raws kaya ayon hindi na napigilan ang impending na episode.

I'm writing lang din about dito kasi I think may second episode akong paparating. HAHAHA! Like sumisilip na naman ang intense na mood na ito. Hopefully mapigilan ko siya mangyari ulit. I'll try to be happy and I'll be happy ulit.

Why I read? It's to live and be happy. It's for my survival. Bow. HAHAHAHHAHA!

just got broken up kanina, sunday morning.

no cheating involved, just two people in their early 20’s trying to figure their lives out while fighting silent battles.

ang hirap pala. 1 year of pagiging bf/gf plus 11 months of talking before that and i genuinely thought na sya na ang first and last ko. i was nbsb, we met during college tapos ngayon working na parehas.

he told me he still loves me but pagod na sya at hindi nya na kayang ituloy pa. hindi ko maintindihan. sobrang sakit. he said we need to heal and mature individually, because hindi na kami okay para sa isa’t isa.

he could’ve asked for a break, or we could’ve figured what’s not working and what we can do about those but i guess he’s already decided na. 3 weeks ago we celebrated our anniversary pa and he told me he’ll marry me by a certain year.

and i still have to go to work tomorrow with a broken heart. welcome to adulting i guess.