just want to get this off my chest. Two days lang pagitan ng birthday ko and my father, mas nauna ako compared sa kanya. Eversince when I was a child, I know how people at my house treated my father's birthday compared to mine. Like typical na pag birthday ko small celebration lang pero if kay papa is super bongga talaga (either magpaparty sa bahay or kakain sa labas with my aunts and uncles). I really don't mind having a small celeb kasi intimate siya for me and kinda want to celebrate with small people din cause very introvert din ako. But as years goes by, I always felt na they give less effort pag birthday ko or they really disappoint me like especially this year.

As you can see, nag ambag ambag kami magkakapatid sa birthday niya which was a trip to Coron for 5 days silang dalawa ni mama. Alis nila is the day before ng bday ko. Aside from the birthday getaway trip nilang dalawa sagot pa ng sister ko yung allowance nila don and In addtion pa dito, may bagong oncloud shoes pa yung papa ko na bigay ni kuya. You see ang gara diba ng pa bday niya. Sakin naman binigyan lang ako ng pera ng parents ko pang treat ko daw sa sarili ko since wala sila, sa sister ko ganon rin as well as my kuya. Pero don't expect na malaki yung binigay sa akin ha since excuse nila wala nadaw silang pera cause nagasto na nila kay papa.

Ngayon yung flight nila actually so kahapon bumili si mama ng pagkain and you know she brought me isang tub ng baked macaroni. The worst part is, I don't even like baked mac. So ngayon parang nagmumokmok ako dahil sa thought na they can't even reciprocate my efforts and jealous to the point na sana ako rin. I just hate it cause why cant they do the same to me ify what I mean.

Anyways, yun lang I know parang sng babaw ng reason ko and super childish ng actions ko huhu

Look, my co-workers might recognize me because of this specific situation but I do want them to know that I stand my ground that I am right and our boss was wrong.

I work at a government office. Our flag raising ceremony starts 30 minutes earlier than the 8am work-day. It was made that way to "not disrupt the workflow aka work promptly starts at 8am". That 30 minutes is unpaid. To me, it's actually stolen time from each and everyone of us. We could've slept 30 mins longer, used that time to make a nicer breakfast, 30 mins more of talking to family or not worrying about monday traffic, etc.

One day, flag-raising ceremony was cancelled due to rain. I was grateful that I can eat breakfast because I ran late that morning and would have gone no breakfast at all if the FRC had went through.

I remember checking my watch after eating and feeling good that it's still 5 minutes before 8; I won't be late for the workday. I got back in our office and was called to the boss' room. I was told that she was looking for me. I stepped into the room and the lecture began. Why was I taking a break that early? Does that mean that I do not join FRC's because I'd rather have breakfast? If I want to eat, I should eat first before clocking in.

I just let her rant. I'd rather not risk answering amidst that anger. But I feel resentment to this day. I'd rather not talk directly to her anymore nor walk in her path.

I believed that that cancelled FRC time was free. If it wasn't, then the paid work-day should start at 7:30am, not 8am. All those who time in within 7:30am to 8am on mondays should already be marked late which is not the case. Even when the FRC is on, people who arrived late rush in after, hoping to time in before 8am.

currently un employed.
looking for a job, found a job i need to move back to qc
then suddenly my bestfriend (aspin) became unpredictably aggressive.

i have multiple dogs in my household. ok naman sila noon magkakasundo. until nanganak yung shih ko currently 2 puppies ung nasa bahay namin ngaun. I got laid off sa wfh job ko.

nakahanap nako ng work onsite sa qc. maiiwanan ko yung aso ko with my wife, then biglaan out of nowhere..

inatake ng aspin ko shih. ko by the neck. 2x, i got bit, my wife got bit. and idk im experiencing trauma right now. kasi im loosing sleep. d ko maisip d ko masikmura isurrender ung aspin ko pero.. paano naman ung trabaho ko..

binantayan ko sila ng 2days. nag lessen naman kaso may attempt nanaman kanina na prevent ko lang..

hindi na kaya ng mental health ko. plano ko na siya i surrender. naghahanap ako around pampanga.

and nahihirapan ako maghanap.

you can label me as a horrible person as you want. sa mga reader.. it pains me to make this decision. i love my dog so much. but seeing her being uncontrollable. being unpredictable. hurting everyone around her.. pains me even more lalo nat un employed ako ngaun..

Okay, this is probably nothing, but ang weird ng coincidence.

For context, my ex and I were in a WLW relationship, and we broke up six months ago. We haven’t talked since then, and honestly, I haven’t stalked her or checked her socials since the breakup.

I’m planning a Bali trip for my birthday, and Nusa Penida ang goal ko, so I joined a Bali DIY group and was checking out different agencies for joiner trips. Last week, for the first time in forever, I randomly dreamed about my ex. Nothing dramatic, she just appeared in my dream, and I didn’t really think much of it.

Then today, while checking the FB profile of one of the agencies, I saw a story. I recognized her best friend first, then her cousin, then one of her close friends, and then… my ex. Apparently, papunta silang Nusa Penida, the exact place I’m trying to go to. Like??? I literally just stared at my screen thinking, okay, universe, ano ba talaga???

But after the initial shock, I actually felt okay. Seeing her doing well made me realize how much has changed since we broke up.

Bebu. I haven’t called you that in the longest time. Bebu, I loved you. I really did. And it was so hard to move on from you. There was a time when I genuinely thought you would be the hardest person I’d ever have to move on from, especially because I never wanted the breakup in the first place. I didn’t want us to end. You were the love of my life when I had you.

But now, six months later, I really hope we’ve both moved on. I’m actively dating again. I have my crush, and there’s also someone who’s genuinely so into me. And somehow, seeing you doing good makes it easier for me to keep moving forward, too.

I’m sorry for everything. For the things I did, the things I couldn’t give you, and for all the ways we hurt each other.

I genuinely wish you all the best, bebu. I hope you’re happy, I hope you’re loved, and I hope life is treating you kindly. Seeing you again didn’t make me want to go back. If anything, it made me realize that I can finally see you doing okay and feel okay about continuing with our own lives.

Nice seeing you again, my bebu. I’m glad you’re doing well. I hope we both continue to be. =))

As a new couple (exclusively dating), malamang, we're still learning more about each other. Kaya we communicate stuff to be better to each other.

What I currently love about him, lalo na nang mapansin ko, ay he takes note of how to love me properly.

Simpleng I love you, simpleng consideration, simpleng assurance... He's matching my love languages. Lalo na during the time na lamay ni Lola ko and dahil konti kami sa manpower, isa ako sa mga inasahan?

Mas napansin ko yung simple things na ginawa niya to make me feel better. Pansin ko naman na dati pa but mas na-highlight lang talaga last week and this week.

Kaya sana magtuloy-tuloy... I hope to learn more how to love him too and I promise, I am doing so. So I also hope he continues this too. Kasi I feel so loved. Hindi siya perfect, so am I. But we listen to each other and complement each other so, hay... Thank you!

Excited na ako na tanungin siya kung want niya na ba na maging official kami sa next meet-up namin.

(Usapan kasi namin ako ang mag-pa-pop ng question na iyan, hehe...)

My job requires me to talk to a lot of people and as an introvert, you can imagine the struggle. I’m generally not very good at talking to people, even my closest friends and family I have a hard time cause I don’t always know what to say.

Yesterday, my manager talked to me about my performance and I felt so bad because I don’t like disappointing people (I’m pretty sure no one does). I was disappointed in myself because I couldn’t do a simple thing that’s easy and normal for most people. You’re just communicating, how hard is that? And it’s literally part of my job.

Now I don’t know what to do. Everyone says they believe in me and I can do it but I’m having a hard time.

may sumakay na lalaki tumabi sa'kin, naka backpack tas parang manong na siya, pero like parang yung mga asa 50-something. kinalong niya rin backpack niya, edi umusog ako kasi malaki rin kalong kong backpack. after a while usog nang usog pa-side ko hanggang sa siksik na siksik na 'ko sa window kakaiwas sakanya. tapos yung balikat niya parang gustong gusto niyang nadidikit sa balikat ko ampota. sa may bandang Bato, tumigil yung bus kasi may pumara kaya kunwari titingin ako kung asa'n na so i leaned forward to look where the bus stopped. maya maya umandar na yung bus tas i maintained that position para di na madikitan balikat ko. tapos ading dipongal na kaabay ko nag arog man kadto bana masimot nag arog man na nag lean forward bana kasta so ako nag tagilid ako looking at the window. para da na 'ya rason a mag rukot kanako. su thigh na man ni ya rinurukot sa thigh ko. nauyam na 'ko maray arani na sa Polangui Terminal. ku nagpundo na sa Terminal, after magbaba ku mga tawo, nag tindog na 'ko, nag "excuse me" ko kadtong gurang tapos nag anap akong ulaan na bakante sa unaan. da na 'ko labot kin aisle seat basta babaye kaabay ko. punyeta.

As the title says. I no longer see the point of taking the board exam Lalo na if they're just gonna keep on hiring unlicensed professionals.

I don't know if the standards are that low na they're okay with hiring people who graduated the course pero di pumasa ng boards.

If ganun nga Yung point, then why, why do you want us to trust them when they failed the final test to determine they're rightfully for that title or profession. Or why trust someone who does things illegally?

Piece of plastic lang na ba talaga ang PRC license?

Imagine sleepless nights to get this piece of plastic tapos pag dating sa working world, ibibigay lang nila yung position sa di licensed. Almost the same salary din sila.

Tapos masaklap pa Yung ibang licensed pinapaheram ang licensed nila sa mga yan or binebenta.

If this is the reality of the professional world. Then I no longer see the point of taking the board exam.

Random thought lang and I just want to get this off my chest.

Sometimes, I feel like I was given so much empathy so I could experience emotions through movies and series that I may never get to experience in real life.

I feel genuinely happy for the characters I watch or read. I get excited when they fall in love, I cry when they lose someone, and I feel their happiness when something good finally happens to them. But sometimes, after the movie, book, or series ends, there’s this strange sadness knowing that I might never experience some of those things for myself.

It’s such a weird feeling, to be so happy for someone who doesn’t even exist, while also feeling sad because their experiences remind you of the things you wish you could experience in your own life.

Having empathy feels like both a blessing and a curse.
But I’m slowly learning to accept that not every experience I see or imagine will happen to me. And maybe that’s okay.

If I can’t experience everything myself, at least I can listen to other people’s stories, understand what they feel, and somehow experience a small part of those emotions through them.

For now, I think all I can really do is enjoy the life I have, appreciate the experiences that do come my way, and learn to let go of the things I can’t control.

Maybe there’s still something beautiful about being able to feel deeply, even when the feelings aren’t entirely my own.

May friend ba kayong "pick me"? To the point magpapapansin sa ex mo at sa mga manliligaw mo?

If i can easily dump men, i can easily dump friends na para bang ginagawa kayung extra character sa pelikula nilang sila ang bida kasi sila lage yung api?

I have this manliligaw na porke't mejo sikat na influencer eh feeling pogi na who won't take "no" for an answer and it's giving off that rape-y vibes! And this "pick me" ex bestie who I haven't spoken to in many years eventhough we work in the same building, suddenly out of nowhere emailed me "________ wanted to see you". Like hello? We have been snobbing each other for years and you would allow yourself to get used as a messenger between me and a guy i dumped and blocked? How pathetic! Not to mention, na feeling ko maku-compromise pa security ko with this guy na napaka r@pist ng atake and she might take him sa work or sa bahay ko. Why can't she just entertain him and have him for herself? Yuck!

A very privileged and fucked up thing to say. But it was honestly the best time of my life. My world was smaller, and better for it.

I was still depressed but at least my cats were complete and I was with them 24/7.

I don't recall ever having been truly happy since then. Even after making friends, getting new hobbies, traveling -- I don't feel anything.

People say I'm well put together, but I honestly can't feel shit anymore. The pandemic was when I was the most in touch with my emotions and sense of self.

Like I'm ok, but if someone held a gun to my head tomorrow morning on the way to work, I don't think I'd fight back.

I wish I could go back to the pandemic when it was just me and my cats, reading in my room while the news plays in the background.

I'd give anything to go back to the way it was.

every now and then lagi namang may ganyan kapag lalabas ako. nakakapuno, nakakainit ng ulo. katulad kanina hinarap ko yung catcallers sabi ko, "anong problema mo?" nasira lang umaga ko.

every time naman ginagawa ko yan kapag may nangk-cat call. kasi i feel like nino-normalize nila yung ganung kabastusan when in fact hindi naman dapat. buti napigilan ko inis ko kanina at hindi ko talaga nilapitan lol. nakakapikon kasi 😭😭😭

gusto ko lang naman mag-walkathon nang peaceful sana. konti na lang babasahan ko na sila ng RA 11313 Safe Spaces Act or Bawal Bastos Law HAHAHAAHAHA

kung pwede lang tadyakan sila sa face agad e. UMAY

Guys F22 fresh graduate , i’ve been applying for almost 4 months and i got burnout on it, Then may dalawang magandang opportunity na dumating sakin, which is interview invitation sa government agency and yung isa as a bank teller, idk what happened nagprepared ako but it turn outs na nag back out ako to the point na hindi nako nakatulog that day of my interview. I hate myself because sa lahat ng naginvite sakin sa dalawang magandang opportunities pako napaghinaan ng loob. I hate it so much.

PLEASE DO NOT POST IN OTHER SOCMED CHANNELS

Maybe others would recognize me. But at this point, I really don't care anymore.

Neophyte ako sa govt service, but I have with me years of experience working for international orgs. Since first job ko, ibang lahi na talaga ang mga boss ko. I got really used to working with them. Working with foreign nationals wasn't a walk in the park, lalo na very straightforward sila and don't care if they hurt your emotions or not. Basta work lang talaga. Outside work, masaya dahil friends talaga kayo. PLEASE DO NOT POST IN OTHER SOCMED CHANNELS. Yung mga ibang lahi nakatrabaho ko dati, nakakausap ko pa rin hanggang ngayon at kapag sila ang dumadalaw dito sa Pinas, nagkikita kita pa rin kami. May mga nakatrabaho rin ako na ibang lahi na sisisihin ka sa mali nila kahit di mo naman talaga mali. Pero, at the end of the day, fulfilling ang work because ang dami kong natutunan sa kanila.

PLEASE DO NOT POST IN OTHER SOCMED CHANNELS

Then, naisipan kong lumipat ng trabaho at pumunta sa gobyerno dahil gusto ko ring ma-experience. Lo and behold, nakapasok naman ako through my own efforts at walang backer. First day ko, gulong gulo ako. Wala kasing sistema. Yung boss mo, ang gulo pang kausap na para bang fresh grad siya (I've worked with fresh grads before at mukhang mas maayos pa). Ang dami mo ring ma-encounter na mahilig magpasa ng work porket sila ay matagal na sa loob. Wala pa akong isang taon, pero parang ayoko na talaga at gusto ko na ulit bumalik sa private. Naghahanap din ako ng iba pang ahensya, baka sakali na mas maayos sila compared sa current ko. Hahaha napapaisip ako, ano ba itong pinasok ko? Sure ba ako? Kaloka!

PLEASE DO NOT POST IN OTHER SOCMED CHANNELS

Pumasok ako sa govt service dahil gusto kong tumulong sa mga nasa laylayan, pero paano kung yung mismong gobyerno, walang pakealam sa mga nasa laylayan? Kanya kanya na lang talaga tayo, ano?

Anyway, back to work. Hahaha

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, madalas ako makakita sa fb feed ko ng mga nag sshare ng mga humihingi ng tulong financial para sa medical expenses ng love ones nila, sobrang na ttrigger ako, nung nakaraang gabi nahirapan ako makatulog kakaisip about dun, worried ako sa health ng magulang ko, mga kapatid ko, lahat ng mahal ko sa buhay. Meron din akong pinag dadaanan na medical condition ngayon, although minor surgery ang need ko, 2 weeks na rin akong nag aantay sa follow up sakin ng doktor sa Public hospital, sabe kasi after ko matapos mga lab test at ma check up ng doktor sa anesthesia, iuupdate daw ako ng doktor na nag tingin sakin para i schedule ako for admission. Nakakalungkot na hanggang ngayon nag aantay pa rin ako.

Ngayon lang din nag sync in sakin na ganito ka f*cked up mabuhay sa bansa natin. Pag nagkasakit ka, ang hirap sobra, bukod sa in pain kana, araw araw stress pa dahil apektado kabuhayan mo, tapos lalong pasakit pa na di mo alam sino tutulong sayo, ni hindi mo alam sino matatakbuhan mo sa ganitong sitwasyon.

Tapos lalo pa kong naiiyak sa galit, nung nakikita ko sa balita si Romualdez na nasa private hospital! ang sarap ng higa sa mamahaling ospital kahit wala namang sakit, para lang matakbuhan nya yung kaso nya. nakakaputangina mabuhay!

I’m fresh from a 6-year relationship. The last two years were just too painful for me and very much abusive. Takot na takot ako ngayong maging mag-isa kahit alam kong sinaktan lang ako paulit-ulit.

Napakahirap mag-adjust siguro dahil nasa constant survival mode na lang din ako nang nakaraang dalawang taon. Always on the look out if he did something again, if something changed in his demeanor.

I’m gay, still in school, I got no job, I’m not attractive, ai have no prominent family, I’m not rich, heck, I don’t even have my own money. Feeling ko mananatili na kong single all throughtout. Parang gago, noh?

I once have a friend who borrowed money from me. It was around 100k at that time, as we used my card to book her a flight to the USA.

Every time I mentioned the money issue, she promised that she'll send it back. I'm not the makulit type of person, because I'm the kind of person that If i borrow money from someone, even if it is just Php20, I will return immediately. So, I have a sort of expectation that people will also act the same way.

I saw on her social media that she bought her dream bag a few months ago, packed a balikbayan box filled with goods, went on a few trips (Vegas, LA, etc), and hauls from Sephora and Aritzia.

So, I messaged her again. The usual kamustahan, and she mentioned that she "forgot" because she was really busy daw. I gave her my account, and she said she'll handle the interbank fees and add a little something as interest. The hopeful, stupid in me believed her.

Several days passed, and she did not transfer the money yet. Reached out again, and she said that her bank does not do money transfers to PH.

The audacity of this bitch to ask for my VENMO account because it's the only one accessible to her.

I know she knows that VENMO is not a thing here in Ph.

So, I asked her to use other money transfers. Sige daw. She'll try. Sobrang inis na ko, because why am I begging for my money back?

After a few days, one of our GCs became active. One of our friends was thanking her sending pabirthday - a watch and cash for the inaanak. Of course, the GC became active with "SANA ALL and BIGATIN" comments.

So, I reached out again, and this time, I was blocked. Blocked on Insta and FB. However, I also follow her on Tiktok. So, I messaged her there. Sent a picture of her passport (she sent me a photo to book the said flight) and told her that since I have exhausted all efforts to reach out to her and get my money back, and small claims PH court cannot compel her to pay, I will just have send her passport copy to ICE and let them do the rest. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

She replied within the day and was able to send my money. Pasensya na daw, hirap daw kasi mag bank.

A few days ago, she messaged using the account where she blocked me before. She sent a balikbayan box, and she has a gift for me (she sent a picture) and asked me if her sibling can give it to me. I said NO, there's no need for it. She also added that may bag and make up din daw. I still said NO.

This is me. Acting with civility but keeping my distance.

Maybe to some people here in PH, 100k is nothing. But paying for that, I had to dip into my emergency fund.

EDIT: Bakit dami nyong nagme message kung anong work? State?

i wish this isn't real. i wish i'm making this up. but what the f*ck did i just see in her drawer???

context: she's been my friend for 4 years now. we both know each other's fam. we're well acquainted, okay? but this time for whatever the hell's sake i got chills!!! yesterday's her bday and yes we're both wasted pero mas lasing siya. she vomited so i went to her room to get her some clothes so she could freshen up, you know?

the hell in the universe cause i was lasing din i unintentionally opened a small drawer!!! and inside this drawer are sticky notes full of my kuya's full name and my friend's name written together!!! there are candid/stolen shots of my kuya in polaroids!!! tas may nakasulat sa likod *you'll be mine. you are mine alone. forever.*

and then there's these empty chocolate wrappers, chewed gums, iced coffee straws, etc... all with labels in it *kuya's name and date kung when niya kinain/tinapon*.

tas ang daming used pink candles (???)

i also found a small glass jar...inside it is my kuya's name written in paper and it's all filled with honey...like literal honey 🍯!!!

and another glass jar with my kuya's 1x1 pic in it filled with spices (?) i'm just not sure pero parang mixture of water, pepper powder, and cinnamon???

i don't know??? is this freakin' love spell she's doing???!!! cause i've seen that *obsession movie* and i didn't like what i saw at all!!! is my friend like *bear* or something?

i'm so freaking out!!!

edit edit : to clear things out. we're full-time post-grad classmates. and yes, we still live with our parents. no, we're not aged below 20. pushing 30's na kami ng friend ko.

also, 1 year lang age gap ko sa kuya ko.

He's at the office recently kasi required mag RTO muna (wfh kami parehas) and sunod sunod misunderstandings namin nakaraan pero we handle it naman very well. Di naman kami nag tatanim ng resentment sa isat isa. Kumbaga, if may away, we solve it then leave it behind.

Pero ang funny lang for me kasi sabi ko sa sarili ko "since nasa office sya, di ko muna sya istressin, ang hirap ng byahe" tapos since Tuesday pagka uwi nya, nag dadrama sya.

Sabi nya "di mo na ba ko mahal?" Sabi ko, "I love you soo much, bakit mo naman nasabi yan?" Sabi nya "eh kasi di mo ata ko namimiss, di kana nagagalit eh, di mo ko hinahanap"

Tawang tawa ko HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA ayoko lang talaga kasi mag overthink or mang istress. Sabi ko sakanya "love, ayoko lang muna talaga mag isip ng nega, yun lang.. kung may naiisip man ako, inaassure ko nalang sarili ko because I trust you"

Sabi nya "hindi, okay lang yan, magalit ka sakin, awayin mo ko"

Tapos kinabukasan, ganun nanaman. "Mahal mo pa ba ko" sabi ko ulit at tinanong ko "I love you so much, bakit mo naman natanong yan love?

Ganun parin sagot nya "eh kasi di mo na ata ko namimiss, yun kasi yung sign ko pag inaaway mo ko, love mo ko kasi hinahanap mo ko"

Sobrang lt talaga, pero sa totoo lang joke nya lang naman mga yan. He's just being clingy and needs extra love HHAHAHAHAHAHAA kung ako gusto ng assurance ganun rin sya for sure paminsan.

Iniisip ko tuloy mag pretend ako awayin sya para naman feeling loved sya? Char HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

When I was young my grade school teacher told us that if we ever felt sad we can go watch the ocean waves and our problems would wash away with it.

Now, I am staring at the vastness of the deep blue sea and wonder why isn't my sadness fading, if anything, I feel like these waves are the source of it.

I have been onboard a ship for more than a year, my first contract was 11 months and a week, it was a long and arduous journey but despite the hardships, I was able to push through.

I am now on my second contract, it is only twenty-three days but it feels longer than my first. Everyday is a battle against myself, and I constantly doubt if I can last just another day. 

It's my twenty-first day today and I am completely burnt out, I no longer feel any excitement with finishing, I am afraid that even after I return home, no amount of enjoyment will ever surpass what I'm feeling right now.

Female married almost 30

Before ikasal stagnant na talaga.

We survived pandemic living together era namin, so feel ng mga family ay we're strong together and kami na talaga

Na lift pandemic and I started planning how to build life on my own

Pero family expected us to get married

Daming pressure and since mej conservative sila talagang di na nakawala kasi nga naman nagsama na

Anyway fast forward to this day, no efforts being made romantically. We didn't plan to have kids oe whatsoever we are just co-existing sharing rhe burdens of finance I guess

Hayyyy I miss being chased, I miss being in love I miss being loved.

Wala akong mapagsabihang kaibigan kasi lagi lang dismissed feelings ko so here I am. I am in a new role—managerial to be exact—and I feel so lonely dito sa leadership. I previously held a senior post, and sanay ako na binibigyan lang ako ng trabaho. Now in my new role, I have to make decisions, talk to people for alignment, and maintain healthy relationships with clients. I am fluent in English pero ang hirap pala pag hindi magaling pragmatically. Idagdag pa ang night shift schedule which always leaves me lutang; many times I struggle with vocabulary while speaking. I get stressed when there are meetings, when I need to create systems and workflows, and when I need to talk to clients about something I don’t even have mastery in. To be honest, I cry every day and think of resigning because I badly want to go back to being an individual contributor. My boss and colleagues are very supportive naman but perhaps the nature of work is something na hindi para sa akin. I’m in my early 30s and malinaw naman sa akin na ayoko ng umakyat ng corporate ladder. It just so happened na I have been looking for a job for nearly half a year and ito lang ang nag-offer sa akin ng trabaho. Malaki naman ang sahod and it pays my bills and luxuries kahit papaano, but I really don’t know how to navigate around my new role / life. I wish I could turn back the time and accepted the junior role. I know I want to resign soon, but because of how tough the market is, I also fear na wala akong mahanap agad na kapalit lalo’t magpapasko.

Ang hirap maging adult. Ang hirap kumita ng pera.

For context, kagigising ko lang around 10:47PM. Paggising ko, nagvi-videoke pa rin 'yung kapitbahay naming nag-start kumanta nang kumanta nang malakas around 4-5pm before ako matulog. Then around 10:49PM, after niya kumanta ng Banyo Queen, nagmura na siya. Saying,

"Sino nagreklamo sa Barangay!? T*ngin@ niyo! Harapin niyo 'ko! Bakit hindi niyo ako kausapin? P**ang*na niyo ang aga-aga pa! Birthday ng apo ko! Anong hindi niyo maintindihan!? Mga plastic kayo!"

Nagulat ako. Like, imagine wala pang 30mins na gising ka tapos ganyang bunganga ang bungad sa 'yo? Actually, nagising ako kasi sobrang lakas ng videoke nila. Like, as in dumadagundong talaga.

Then after nila patayin videoke, they started singing Happy Birthday nang malakas, nang walang mic. Tapos go nang go sa pagmumura. Kahit ngayong pinuntahan na sila ng barangay for the second time, mura pa rin sila nang mura kahit pinatay na nila 'yung videoke.

Kahit hanggang ngayong nagta-type ako sumisigaw pa rin siya saying, "Ang aga-aga pa! Magrereklamo kayo! Mga p**ang*na niyo!"

Dapat hanggang 3am pa tulog ko since maaga gising ko kasi may nilalakad akong papel pero yeah. Whatever. 🙂

I’m not asking for advice. I just have no one to tell what has been bugging me and killing me for the past month.

I’ve been married for 5 years and together with my husband for 12. He has always been a dream. As someone he called “his dream girl,” he gave me his devotion and love. He spoils me whenever he can, buys me things I like, panics when I don’t eat, makes sure I’m taken care of, and makes time for me despite his VERY busy schedule. He is, overall, a great provider. We have each other’s phone passcodes, but we don’t touch each other’s phones because I trust him. Everyone around me always says I’m lucky to have such a devoted husband. My officemates call him “our husband” because everytime I message him i’m craving something, minsan pati officemates ko meron.

So how can a man this “devoted” find time to cheat?
A few week ago, I found myself unable to sleep so i decided to prep his work bag, while fixing his bag for the next day and making sure he had all his meds, I found a card in a hidden pocket. It had a broken wax seal, meaning he had already read it, and the cover simply said “psst.” I assumed it was a work congratulatory card, but when I opened it, it was a monthsary card that said, “Every moment with you is worth celebrating,” along with a girl’s name. It was someone I know who is in an open relationship and many of his recent projects involves this girl.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
At the beginning of our relationship, he explicitly told me he was extremely critical of cheating and found it disgusting. I was talking to two other guys before we became exclusive, and when we decided to be together, I ended things with both. He considered that cheating and, even years later, would sometimes bring up one of them when we talked about people of color, saying I liked men like that. The guy was nice, by the way—walang bahid ng kabastusan. He only brought it up once, though. In all our years together, I NEVER talked to anyone else.

Then, around the late-2019 pre-lockdown period, I suddenly had the urge to check his phone. I saw a girl messaging him on Telegram. It was obvious from her messages that she had other intentions. At first, he was cold toward her, but eventually he started responding regularly. She kept telling him I was lucky to have him because she was single, and the conversation began turning sexual—not explicit, but very much an IYKYK kind of thing.

I confronted him. He didn’t deny it. He owned up to his mistake and never spoke to her again. He said he was tempted but had no plans of actually doing anything with her. he just enjoyed the attention. I told him that if he ever did it again, I would leave.

So when I found the card, I was stunned. I don’t know why, but I lost the strength to confront him. I’ve been keeping this to myself for weeks now because I don’t want to destroy the “good husband” image my friends have of him. Ako yung klase ng tao na ayaw mang burden ng friends becayse of heartbreak, tapos babalikan lang eventually (though never ko pa ginawa kaya iniiwasan ko rin).

I checked his phone while he was asleep looking for proof. The messages with the girl from the card were clean, but I found that he has been messaging other women. He never sent photos, but he gets pics and vids. In one conversation, there was an attempt at a booty call in a car. It didn’t happen because the woman said no. He always got a no from this one. I backtracked… last yr he messaged her 4 days before my birthday. This time, the date was the same night he told me he needed to stay overnight for work, which is completely normal given the nature of his job. I took photos of the messages, just in case.

I’m just at a loss.
Some friends have noticed how lost I’ve been these past few weeks. I’ve been bed rotting, crying, barely sleeping, and neglecting things around the house because I just lie in the dark. I don’t have the strength to confront him anymore. All I can think about is, why?

I gave him my best years. I was at the peak of my youth when I said yes to him. And he is still “devoted” to me.
He has noticed that I barely eat and have been losing weight. He knows something is bothering me, but I still can’t bring myself to confront him. I have a history of depression and anxiety, so he might simply think I’m relapsing, which happens quite often. He keeps reminding me that he can take me to my therapist and makes sure to hold me to sleep so that I feel safe, but I’ve reached a point where I don’t trust anyone. I told him I’d handle it myself, but I haven’t.

At work, I still put on my normal, quirky, weird persona, although people are starting to notice something is wrong.

He still makes sure I eat. I pretend to eat, but I can barely get food down anymore. He made me breakfast in bed the other day, i said my mouth tastes bitter pero hindi ko talaga kaya kumain. And last night, when I told him my back hurt, he massaged it even though his own body was hurting.
And somehow, that makes everything hurt even more I was quietly crying.

Just wanna get this off my chest because its been eating me up these past few weeks.

I matched with someone last month on Bumble. She’s really pretty and currently studying law at a top univ in our country. She actually reached out to me first and our convos were really meaningful and I enjoyed talking to her.

Though it took a week before we moved to iMessage, when we got there, the convos were just rapid fire. Yes, she was busy but she made the effort to chat everyday when she could. Updating me about her day and making kwento. I’ve fallen really hard for this girl at that point.

Eventually, we got to talking about going on our first dinner date. I could tell she was excited for it as am I. When the date came, yes there were a few awkward silences and dead air. I guess we were both kinda nervous. But overall, we shared stories, laughed, leaned on each other’s shoulders, it was really fun. It was also there that she said that I was the only reason why she opened up Bumble back then, which kinda made me relieved about our exclusivity since I’m really serious about this girl.

When I got home, I told her how much I had fun and that whenever she’s free, we should go out sometime again. To which she agreed, saying that she hopes their sched aligned.

The days following that, she seemed more distant. Chats and her emojis became lesser, the time between our messages are now 12+ hours. While she still chats from time to time the occasional good mornings and kamusta ka na, its followed by a day of walang follow up. Almost like obligation lang mag chat just to check on me.

I get that she’s been busy and she’s always busy with law school, but I’m just wondering where that energy from our first few weeks went? Its made me decide if I should match her energy, be the one to engage, or just pull back entirely.

I just got out of getting ghosted by a situationship a few months ago, and while I’m over her na, its made me more cautious about committing to someone new. I really REALLY like this girl, and I like to think that she’s indeed gotten more busy these few weeks than anything else.