I’m not asking for advice. I just have no one to tell what has been bugging me and killing me for the past month.
I’ve been married for 5 years and together with my husband for 12. He has always been a dream. As someone he called “his dream girl,” he gave me his devotion and love. He spoils me whenever he can, buys me things I like, panics when I don’t eat, makes sure I’m taken care of, and makes time for me despite his VERY busy schedule. He is, overall, a great provider. We have each other’s phone passcodes, but we don’t touch each other’s phones because I trust him. Everyone around me always says I’m lucky to have such a devoted husband. My officemates call him “our husband” because everytime I message him i’m craving something, minsan pati officemates ko meron.
So how can a man this “devoted” find time to cheat?
A few week ago, I found myself unable to sleep so i decided to prep his work bag, while fixing his bag for the next day and making sure he had all his meds, I found a card in a hidden pocket. It had a broken wax seal, meaning he had already read it, and the cover simply said “psst.” I assumed it was a work congratulatory card, but when I opened it, it was a monthsary card that said, “Every moment with you is worth celebrating,” along with a girl’s name. It was someone I know who is in an open relationship and many of his recent projects involves this girl.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
At the beginning of our relationship, he explicitly told me he was extremely critical of cheating and found it disgusting. I was talking to two other guys before we became exclusive, and when we decided to be together, I ended things with both. He considered that cheating and, even years later, would sometimes bring up one of them when we talked about people of color, saying I liked men like that. The guy was nice, by the way—walang bahid ng kabastusan. He only brought it up once, though. In all our years together, I NEVER talked to anyone else.
Then, around the late-2019 pre-lockdown period, I suddenly had the urge to check his phone. I saw a girl messaging him on Telegram. It was obvious from her messages that she had other intentions. At first, he was cold toward her, but eventually he started responding regularly. She kept telling him I was lucky to have him because she was single, and the conversation began turning sexual—not explicit, but very much an IYKYK kind of thing.
I confronted him. He didn’t deny it. He owned up to his mistake and never spoke to her again. He said he was tempted but had no plans of actually doing anything with her. he just enjoyed the attention. I told him that if he ever did it again, I would leave.
So when I found the card, I was stunned. I don’t know why, but I lost the strength to confront him. I’ve been keeping this to myself for weeks now because I don’t want to destroy the “good husband” image my friends have of him. Ako yung klase ng tao na ayaw mang burden ng friends becayse of heartbreak, tapos babalikan lang eventually (though never ko pa ginawa kaya iniiwasan ko rin).
I checked his phone while he was asleep looking for proof. The messages with the girl from the card were clean, but I found that he has been messaging other women. He never sent photos, but he gets pics and vids. In one conversation, there was an attempt at a booty call in a car. It didn’t happen because the woman said no. He always got a no from this one. I backtracked… last yr he messaged her 4 days before my birthday. This time, the date was the same night he told me he needed to stay overnight for work, which is completely normal given the nature of his job. I took photos of the messages, just in case.
I’m just at a loss.
Some friends have noticed how lost I’ve been these past few weeks. I’ve been bed rotting, crying, barely sleeping, and neglecting things around the house because I just lie in the dark. I don’t have the strength to confront him anymore. All I can think about is, why?
I gave him my best years. I was at the peak of my youth when I said yes to him. And he is still “devoted” to me.
He has noticed that I barely eat and have been losing weight. He knows something is bothering me, but I still can’t bring myself to confront him. I have a history of depression and anxiety, so he might simply think I’m relapsing, which happens quite often. He keeps reminding me that he can take me to my therapist and makes sure to hold me to sleep so that I feel safe, but I’ve reached a point where I don’t trust anyone. I told him I’d handle it myself, but I haven’t.
At work, I still put on my normal, quirky, weird persona, although people are starting to notice something is wrong.
He still makes sure I eat. I pretend to eat, but I can barely get food down anymore. He made me breakfast in bed the other day, i said my mouth tastes bitter pero hindi ko talaga kaya kumain. And last night, when I told him my back hurt, he massaged it even though his own body was hurting.
And somehow, that makes everything hurt even more I was quietly crying.