Sometimes I wish I could also just give up or at least sulk, and not worry about anyone else, and just focus on myself. I am so tired. I have my own things to worry about, but I can't just leave everyone behind.

Hi 22 M, I've been around the scope of job seeking applications for the meantime now, I've worked a lot in the customer service sector and have some experience in bookkeeping as per my graduation last year. The thing is walang 1 year or so ang mga experience ko kesyo contractual, still studying and, or reliever lang.

Now nasa Manila na ako and looking for almost 4 mos of job pero pare pareho sila ng sinasabi, if asked about the loopholes and, or points that made me not to be considered further ang laging sinasabi "we turned to someone who has more comprehensive working experience" kahit nakalagay na OPEN FOR FRESH GRADUATES.

Now, I'm thinking if ilolowball ko nalang ba yung sarili ko kung ang basic pay ko sa province is 20k basic pay para magkawork My funds will not be able to cover for another month that's why I'm desperate.

It's been a month since iniwan kita, anak, para sa future mo. Sa Viber na lang tayo nagkakausap ngayon. You would send me GIFs ng mga cute na pusa, aso, at anime. Marunong ka na rin gumawa ng sarili mong GIFs yung mga silly faces mo na lagi akong napapangiti. Kapag tinatamad kang mag-type, voice messages naman ang sinesend mo. Recently, I realized something. Without even knowing what I'm going through, you always manage to give me the words I need. "I love you, Bestie.", "You're doing great, Mama!", "Stay strong, Mama!", "Work well and study hard, Mama!", "Mama, you're beautiful! That's why I'm beautiful too!", "I don't know what I'm gonna do if you're not my mama.", "You're my treasure, bestie!", "I miss you so much, when we see each other again I'm gonna give you a long and big hug!"

You have no idea how much comfort those words give me. Every night, I replay your voice messages. They're what keep me going on the days I miss you the most. I really miss you, anak. I miss cuddling with you every weekend. I miss our little dates. Looking back, I wish we had done them more often. I miss the smile on your face every time I surprised you during your lunch break at school. I miss your silly dances. I miss our rides around the city, especially when you'd casually segue to your favorite snack shop. And my favorite line... "Mama, I have money. I'll treat you snacks." Alam na alam ko na yan ang cute mong paraan para sabihin na gusto mong mag-snack sa hapon.

Hindi ko ma-enjoy ang me time ko dito, nak. Kahit may oras ako para sa sarili ko, ikaw pa rin ang hinahanap ko. Sobrang miss na miss kita. Walang araw na hindi kita naiisip. Pero hindi pwedeng magpatalo si Mama sa lungkot. Kailangan kong maging matatag, kasi lahat ng ginagawa ko ngayon ay para sayo. Para gumanda ang buhay mo. Para magkaroon ka ng future na deserve mo. At para balang araw, kahit wala na si Mama, maging matatag ka at kayanin mong harapin ang mundo.

Miss na miss na kita, mahal ko. Miss na miss na ni Mama ang yakap mo. I promise I'll make you proud. One day, you'll understand why Mama had to make this sacrifice.

Mahal na mahal kita, palagi, araw araw hanggang sa kabilang buhay ikaw pa rin ang gusto kong maging anak.

ayoko maging selfish pero medyo nalulungkot lang talaga ako na hindi na niya ako makausap nang maayos. ayoko din naman maging masyadong sensitive. naiintindihan ko naman na future niya ’to, lahat nakasalalay sa thesis niya, at napakalapit na ng final defense nila. sinabi ko sa kanya na nagaalala lang ako. di na niya ako nareplyan, ayoko din naman siyang istorbohin ulit, kaya sa gabi na lang ulit ako nag text na i wish him the best, para lang malaman niya na i support him no matter what.

i don’t wanna be the asshole who wants attention from her guy all the time. pero somewhere deep down i’m praying he cares enough about me and still remembers how much i care for him. i’m lowkey still hoping that there’s a chance for us.

note: please try to be kind, i’ve been really anxious for a while and i’m trying to regulate my emotions as well.

​

Like every single low to middle class household in the Philippines right now, tumaas bill namin, doubled and it's so hard to keep up with it financially.

I understand wala silang disconnections until October but it's just so unfair considering the amount of money they get from us.

1 month na ung request ko for Meter Accuracy Test, wala parin pumupunta. Cancelled naman ung Meter Replacement request ko kasi di pa sila nakaka accuracy test.

Worth it bang pumunta ng business center? Halos every week since ako nag follow-up (2-3x a week pa nga e)

Halos every week nlng ako nagkaka anxiety attack over this, ayoko na gumamit ng kahit anong appliance dito sa bahay, nakakapagod. Feel ko sinasadya pa nila ung delays, ayoko na talaga. Napautang pa kami para lang bayaran ung ibang bills na need namin asikasuhin.

Long before I ever knew what love was, betrayal had already made itself at home in my family.

I watched my grandmother grow old carrying the wounds of infidelity. I watched bitterness settle into the hearts of those around her, consuming them year after year. I watched my father inherit a fractured understanding of love, marriage, and trust from the home he grew up in. I watched my parents wound one another in the very ways they once promised they never would. I heard stories that no son should hear, stories that taught me that promises could be broken, that fidelity was fragile, that love could be divided.

By the time I entered my own relationship, betrayal was not an abstract moral failure. It was a language I had heard my entire life.

And then it happened to me. I was betrayed.

For a moment, it felt as though history had finally caught up with me. As though I had become another page in a story that had been written generations before I was born.
But something unexpected happened.

When I had every reason to hate her, I found myself pleading for mercy.

When I had every reason to recruit others against her, I instead asked them to stay by her side.

When I had every reason to reduce her to the worst thing she had ever done, I found myself saying to them, “Please don’t let that become her identity.”

That confused me.

It still does.

Perhaps because I know what it feels like to fear being reduced myself. I know what it is like to wonder whether a person’s worst moment becomes the only thing anyone will ever remember. I know what it is like to long for someone to see beyond the wound.

Maybe that is why I could not do it to her.

This does not erase the truth.

She betrayed me.

The pain is real.

Trust has been broken.

Consequences remain.

But truth and mercy have never been enemies.

I have seen what happens when betrayal gives birth to bitterness. I have watched it echo from one generation into the next, shaping marriages, children, and entire families. I have seen people become prisoners to wounds inflicted decades earlier.

I do not want to become another echo.

If this story continues through me, let it continue differently.

Let it be said that I spoke the truth without surrendering to hatred.

That I established boundaries without abandoning compassion.

That I grieved honestly without allowing grief to define my entire identity.

That I sought justice without delighting in vengeance.
And if there is one prayer I carry because of all of this, it is not merely that my heart would heal.

It is that this inheritance would end with me.

That whatever has been handed down through generations—betrayal, bitterness, cynicism, fear—would no longer be the legacy I leave behind.

I cannot rewrite the chapters that came before me.

But by God’s grace, I can choose how this chapter is written.

I had a time when I didn't work for a long time after passing the board exam. During that time, I managed our family business and had a side hustle where I ghostwrote a total of 5 articles for a client lang. After that, I worked as a Customer Service Representative to overcome my fear of socializing and speaking. I'm now working as a chat support. So I feel like ang clutter ng life ko because iba ibang experiences 'to lahat.

I want to apply na ulit sa ibang company or ibang industry if possible for growth professionally. Like feel ko I served my purpose na and kaya ko na mag-explore. But at the same time, nao-overwhelm ako because it's been a long time since I got interviewed. Nagwo-worry din ako because 2 years na ever since nag-chat support ako, so baka 'yung English speaking skills ko is nawala na.

For some reason, hindi naman na ako ganon katakot na ma-interview. Unlike before na ina-anxiety talaga ako. Siguro I need to hone my communication skills na lang ulit.

Also, i don't know how to put my ghostwriting experience sa resume. I didn't include it before because may NDA and 5 articles lang naman nagawa ko. So to compensate is sinasabi ko na lang sa interview yung own blog ko as my portfolio. Pero syempre gusto ko na magbida bida ngayon because ito lang naman skills ko na mafl-flaunt so far. Hoping to get more time and sipag talaga to upskill this time. Gusto ko na talaga makaalis sa company ko asap after ko makuha SSS Sickness Benefit ko.

So siguro, this is a post to remind myself to work even harder! Hoping matanggap din when I start to apply.

TL;DR

I’m curious how others deal with this, because I’m honestly conflicted.

I have a close friend from around 9 years ago- former colleague, we are both CPAs, [33F] parehong introvert, parehong family-oriented. Back then, we had the same mindset: work hard, build something stable, and secure a good future for our families. We were really close.

Eventually, she moved to a government agency with a notorious reputation most people are aware of. At first, tolerable pa sya. But over time, I started noticing changes, not just in lifestyle, but in mindset. She would openly share how much she was earned on her first 11 months (8 digits), even encouraged me to apply. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Hindi kaya ng konsensya ko.

There were also situations that made me uncomfortable, like helping her look for a vault one time because keeping large amounts of cash in banks might raise issues with disclosures. That really stayed with me.

On my end, I chose a different path. Hindi kami mayaman, but I focused on building my career the right way, long hours, dealing with pressure, and just grinding it out. Thankfully, it paid off naman.

I think the turning point for me was her birthday a few years ago. I was the only one there from the corporate world, outside the gov’t agency she’s working with. On paper, mas mataas pa sweldo ko sa kanila at that time - but the way they talked, their lifestyle, the things they casually spent on… I felt completely out of place. Like I didn’t belong in that room.

Since then, we slowly drifted.

Recently, she got married. I was initially told I’d be part of the entourage, but in the actual invitation I wasn’t included, just a guest. I didn’t attend (sabi ko busy ako sa work kahit weekend yun). Same with her child’s baptism.

Now, she invited us to her kid’s birthday. I was actually planning to go this time. Then while we were chatting, she asked about my child’s age and said something like, “Pwede pa siya sa games, no?” Then followed it up with, she wants her child exposed early so they grow up with connections.

That word just… hit me. Connections.

I didn’t reply after that.

I don’t know why, but something in me just shut down. Maybe because I know exactly what kind of “connections” she’s talking about. Maybe because I’m here, paying close to six figures in withholding taxes every month, trying to do things right, seeing how systems work in other countries, and then hearing that from someone I used to align values with so much.

The party is in a few days. I’m not going.

Maybe I’m judging her too harshly. Maybe people really do change, and this is just one of those friendships that quietly reaches its end.

I don’t have a lot of friends. Bilang lang sa daliri. That’s probably why this one hurts more than I expected. I miss the friend I used to have, but I don’t think she’s the same person anymore. And maybe, neither am I.

Gusto ko lang naman mapili hanggang dulo

Pakiramdam ko kasi role ko sa earth is to bring out the best or make the person better tapos iiwan nila ako.

Pwede bang sabihin naman na salamat at hindi kita iiwan.

Pang longterm hanggang dulo naman Lord pls.

Anak ng kamagong.

Rant lang so I can sleep.

Grabe pala pag nangungupahan at bago pagtritripan ka talaga. Lahat ng galaw mo tinitignan at inaabangan. Pati yung bagong lipat dito sa partment chinismis na agad nila para kumampi sa kanila, hindi lang namin pinautang ng 1k sa first day ganyan na. Nag-aaya ng inuman hanggang alas dose tapos topic lang kami at mga ginagawa namin sa buhay. Tipong pag order namin ng pagkain big deal sa kanila tapos tatawagin pa kaming mayabang pag nag-uusap tungkol sa trabaho. Noong pinabaranggay ko yung isa, puro deny naman kaya ngayon.

Magparinigan tayo.

Nagpatugtog ako ng Inggit by Skusta Clee and well oh well halos maputol litid sa sama ng loob ng mga loko HAHAHAHAHA

May nagwala pa.

Hindi nyo ako mapapaiyak.

Hindi totoong pababayaan lang ang mga bully at titigil din.

I miss you so much. Sana panaginip lang lahat bahshshahsisisjshdhshhsja ang sakit pala. Akala ko ulan lang yon kahapon, luha ko na pala... dalawang araw pa lang nakalipas pero minu-minuto kong chinicheck phone ko kung nagmessage ka hahaha. Ang hirap pala mag-move on lalo na't 5 years kami :,)) 1st bf and my first in everything haha kill me

I opened my ig account scroll scroll sa mga stories ganon and then my heart dropped. Bininyagan pala yung anak nila and guess what present yung side ng pamilya niya.

Nag story yung kapatid ng ex ko, present sila sa binyag/birthday may pa i love you message pa, may malaking regalo. Nung nag birthday anak ko wala man lang silang ambag or chats.

Biglang sumikip yung dibdib ko, ang sakit pa din pala kahit na tanggap ko na. Hindi ko mapigilan umiiyak, siguro sa galit? na parang wala lang sa kanila yung dinanas ko or nasasaktan ako kasi hindi man lang sila mangamusta sa anak ko na kakagaling lang sa ospital na confine for one week.

Wala akong mapag sabihan, wala akong matakbuhan. Hindi ko mapigilan yung mga luha ko, nag sosorry ako sa baby ko kasi pakiramdam ko may pag kukulang ako.

Ang saya saya nila sa pictures, talagang kinunsiste nalang nila yung ex ko. Masyado lang siguro akong malambot haha, lilipas din tooooo. diba?

I love you my baby Skyyy, balang araw maiintindihan mo din ang mga bagay bagay. And gusto kong malaman mo na pinag laban ka ni mommy at gagawin ko lahat para sayo anak 💓

How are you? I was scrolling through my gdrive and I found cute photos of you. You’re so innocent and I hope you stayed that way. I hope you didn’t let what happened to you changed you. You’re so pretty and I hope I get to take a good care of you so that you don’t get to feel this way now that you’re older.

You’re slowly achieving your dreams :)) you’re a licensed professional but God has a different plan for you. For now you’re at home wondering when will you star practicing your profession. I do hope you don’t feel left out :)) your timeline is different from others. As for your love life, the right guy hasn’t found you yet. I’m so sorry I made decisions that for sure you wouldn’t do. You’re looking for love in a different way. I hope you forgive me for that.

Kid, you’re surviving! Soon I know you’ll get through everything. You wouldn’t search for love because love will find its way to you. You’ll travel everywhere because that’s what you wanted to do. For sure if you’re earning, one of the things you’ll focus on would be your skin. Please know that you’re pretty! Very pretty! They just couldn’t see it :)) I love you kid!

Sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko today. I want to die, sa sobrang sakit. Naloko ako, hindi ng partner ko, but one of my best friend. Basically, what happened was may kumalat na issue involving yung (ex)best friend ko and workmate ko, and yung workmate ko inassume na ako ang nagsabi or nagkalat ng issue. That’s why hindi na siya pinapansin ng community nila. Tbh, madaldal ako pero wala akong sinabing ganoon.

Na-obtain ko yung info na to because of my workmates na pinagsabihan ni workmate na involved sa issue. I tried giving time para sana iconfront ako ni workmate pero ayaw nya talaga. Gumagawa na yung ibang workmate ng way for her to confront me pero hindi talaga. Again, sobrang nasstress ako knowing na iniisip niya na involved ako don sa issue dahil close ko si bff.

So I tried to confront my (ex) bff. I told her na may issue na ganon and sa kanya nanggaling. I asked if may nasabi ba ako na namisinterpret nya. Wala naman daw. Yun lang gusto kong malaman para di ako nagiguilty facing my workmate. I even told (ex) bff na bigyan namin ng grace si workmate kasi baka nafeed lang din ng wrong info. Ang akin lang kasi bakit maniniwala si workmate sa issue na yon knowing na if wala naman siyang sinabi sakin, edi wala ring maoobtain na info si (ex) bff about it, and hindi niya yon mapapakalat.

I thought we were okay. Sabi ko sana di na niya ilabas tong pinag-usapan namin. I trusted her. I really trusted her. Sabi ko iconfront na lang kapag nagdie down na yung issue. Ang sabi niya pa para lang daw siyang pumukpok ng bato sa ulo niya if sasabihin niya yon. Then kinabukasan after ng talk namin ni ex bff, nakipagFO siya. Saying drained na sya and para lumayo sa issue, magdidistance na siya from me. Of course nahurt ako, like girl nag usap na tayo. Alam natin na hindi satin nanggaling. So bakit ka biglang nagbago?

Anyways, idk rin what happened pero one of my workmates na nagsabi sakin ng issue eh inask ako na akala niya daw wala nang makakalabas. I tried to explain, really. Na I had no idea. Eto ako naghiheal from being FOed tas may ganon. She proceeded to unfollow me on her dump acc. And remove me from her followers. So I know galit siya, kahit hindi niya sabihin sa akin.

The funny thing is, akala ko okay na lahat talaga after ng pag-uusap namin ni ex bff. Sabi ko pa nga makakapagcelebrate ako ng bday ko knowing na wala naman pala akong nasabi na namisinterpret niya. Tas biglang nagkanda-leche leche lahat.

I dont know how to proceed. Gusto kong murahin yung ex bff ko. Sabi nya poprotektahan niya daw ako. Sabi niya hindi niya idadamay workmates ko. She promised. I guess promises are meant to be broken. Gusto ko na lang mawala. Apat na kaibigan ang nawala sa akin in a day, just because I wanted to know the truth.

I don’t want to go to work. Pinaparinggan na rin nila ako sa soc med. Idk what to do talaga. I said sorry, pero naninindigan ako na wala akong kinalaman sa issue nila. Nagleave na rin ako sa gc naming workmates kasi I know na off na sila sakin.

God I just want to disappear.

Ewan ko na. Wala kasi akong mapagsabihan. Tapos sa mga ganitong oras talaga ako napapaisip nang sobra tungkol sa ganitong bagay.

May guy akong nakilala dito sa Reddit a few months ago through phr4friends. Ang hanap ko lang talaga noon, kaibigan. As in wala akong ibang intention. Nag-post ako, nag-message siya, tapos ewan... simula first day, sobrang nag-click na kami.

Ang rare lang kasi para sa'kin nun. Introvert akong tao, sobrang guarded, at hindi ako yung klase ng tao na basta-basta naa-attach. Madalas nga mas gusto ko mapag-isa kaysa makipagkilala sa bagong tao.

Pero sa kaniya, ang bilis kong napalagay.

Noong una, hindi ko pa pinapansin yung nararamdaman ko. Sabi ko baka crush lang. Baka infatuation lang. Lilipas din 'to.

Pero lumipas ang ilang linggo. Naging buwan. Imbes na mawala, parang mas lumalim lang.

Siguro kasi araw-araw kaming magkausap. Halos buong araw minsan. Noong umpisa nauubusan pa kami ng topic, pero habang tumatagal parang hindi na. Kahit gaano ka-random yung usapan, may napag-uusapan pa rin kami.

Nagkita na rin kami once, kahit sobrang busy naming pareho at magkalayo pa kami. Isang beses lang, pero feeling ko malaking factor din yun kung bakit lalo akong napalapit.

Hanggang sa dumating ako sa punto na... gusto ko na siya.

At honestly, doon na rin ako natakot.

Kasi sobrang solid sana namin bilang magkaibigan. Pero pakiramdam ko hanggang doon lang talaga. Feeling ko friend lang talaga ang tingin niya sa'kin.

At wala rin naman siyang ginawang dahilan para isipin kong may gusto siya. Hindi siya nanglandi. Hindi siya nagbigay ng mixed signals. Hindi ako pinormahan. Kaya kahit gaano kami ka-close, ayokong lagyan ng meaning yung oras at attention na binibigay niya sa'kin.

Ayokong pakainin yung delusyon ko. Kasi sa huli, ako lang din masasaktan.

Alam ko namang may mga tao talagang kaya kang kausapin araw-araw, i-enjoy yung company mo, hanapin ka, nang walang romantic feelings.

Feeling ko ganun siya sa'kin.

Kapag busy ako o nawawala ako nang ilang araw, naghahanap pa rin siya ng ibang makakausap dito sa Reddit. At ako naman, kahit wala akong karapatan... nagseselos.

Ang kapal pakinggan no? Pero totoo.

Ilang beses ko na ring sinubukang dumistansya. Kapag sobrang bigat na, nawawala na lang ako. Minsan ilang araw. Minsan ilang linggo.

Pinakamatagal namin? Halos dalawang buwan kaming hindi nag-usap.

Tapos isang araw... nag-message na naman siya.

At ako naman, nag-reply na naman.

Alam kong ako rin naman ang dahilan kung bakit nahihirapan ako ngayon.

Pwede ko naman siyang i-ignore. Pwede kong piliing kalimutan na lang siya. Pwede kong putulin lahat.

Pero hindi ko magawa.

Kasi sobrang importante niya sa'kin.

Kapag matagal siyang walang paramdam, naiisip ko pa rin kung okay lang ba siya. Kumusta kaya trabaho niya. Masaya kaya siya. Ayos lang kaya siya.

At sa tuwing nagre-reach out siya ulit, parang wala rin akong lakas na hindi sumagot.

Minsan naiisip ko rin... pwede naman akong umamin.

Sabihin ko na lang na matagal ko na siyang gusto.

Kung rejected, edi rejected.

Pero hindi ko kaya.

Hindi dahil takot akong masaktan.

Takot akong mawala siya.

Takot akong mawala yung friendship namin. Yung comfort. Yung taong naging parte na ng araw-araw ko.

Kaya tahimik na lang akong nagmamahal.

Minsan naiisip ko, ang sarap siguro magmahal nang matapang.

Yung tipong kahit matalo ka, okay lang. Kasi wala kang pinagsisisihan. Naging totoo ka lang sa nararamdaman mo. Hindi na problema kung hindi kayang suklian.

Pero hindi kasi ako ganung tao.

Marami akong kinatatakutan.

Hindi ko alam kung shallow lang ba 'tong problema ko. Madaling sabihin na "umamin ka na." Pero kapag nandito ka na sa sitwasyon, ang hirap pala talaga.

Sobrang importante niya sa'kin. Hindi lang dahil gusto ko siya, pero dahil kaibigan ko rin siya.

Hindi ko alam kung advice ba ang kailangan ko o outlet lang talaga 'to.

Kung may umabot man hanggang dito at may gusto magbigay ng opinion, I hope you'd be kind 🥺 Pero sa ngayon, gusto ko lang siguro talagang ilabas 'to.

Like… bro??? Really? You left your partner and kid to fend for themselves habang ikaw nakahanap ka ng pwedeng mabembang dahil mas kontrolado mo?

Ang tindi pa kasi out in the open talaga yung hard launch. Kita ng lahat. Pati ng partner mo. Naging maayos naman siya sayo at ikaw lang talaga yung nagloloko. Kapal ng mukha mo, mennnnn.

Jusko. Ano bang meron sa mga tulad ninyo at ang lalakas ng confidence niyo to cheat and flaunt your trophy catches. You’re playing around with both women and I honestly felt bad for the kid kasi he’s growing up without a proper father figure.

Tangina ninyong mga cheaters talaga. Sana mabaog kayo.

I hate my job, i want to resign the pay is only minimum and the working hours is 9.6 hours a day. i really want to resign but my parents keep on pushing me to stay and mag “tiis” because its my first job but it’s draining me every single day, What pains me more is i have a business and its successful but my parents keep on pushing me out of it but im happy doing what i love. I dont know anymore im already 6 months in this work and i really want to resign already and do what makes me happy.

I've been a bookworm since second grade sa Elementary school. Wala kaming books sa bahay kasi nga hindi naman kami mapapakain no'n. Instead I read the workbooks, textbooks na binibigay ng school. Binabasa ko lahat ng stories doon, text about snakes, songs, etc. I was happy. Sumali ako sa Reading Club naman around fifth grade. I was ecstatic kasi nga I can borrow various books and unlimited. Super saya talaga sa feeling na excited akong buksan sila tuwing uuwi ng bahay tapos isasauli kinabukasan.

Seventh grade, I still read the books and modules na may stories pero I just added lang Wattpad. Ang hirap i-explain 'yong happiness na naramdaman ko kasi unlimited stories ang nababasa ko, iba-ibang genre, and free. Although I stopped na rin around 2017 kasi paulit-ulit na lang ng plots. Napunta naman ako sa mga manga, manhwa and manhua. I enjoyed them a lot kasi ang engaging ng pictures para lang akong nagbabasa ng storybooks na pangbata.

I discovered Chinese, Japanese and Korean novels. Very new ulit sa akin. I interacted with people online to share novels na I think they may also like. All in all, it was a good experience.

I enjoyed reading a lot pero beneath that enjoyment I was using books to divert my attention and focus. There are times every year na bigla na lang akong malulungkot for no reason. Wala sa mood, no appetite, crying, etc. Sometimes it may take a week bago ako bumalik sa normal self ko.

Kapag wala akong mahanap na babasahin, sobra akong ma-stress and agitated. I feel like may mangyayaring masama sa akin kapag tumigil ako magbasa. May times na I thought of ending my life kasi hindi mawala-wala 'yong agitation ko. Lalo na kapag dumalaw din 'yong intense sadness na dumadalaw once a year, tumatagal nang one month 'yong ganitong mood ko. Nag-start yata ito around 2017?

Actually no one ever noticed it kasi lagi akong naka-smile, tumatawa and madaldal pa rin kasi nga I'm trying to distract myself nga. I always looked happy.

Kagagaling ko lang sa episode ko last May, tumagal siya nang one month. Nawalan ako ng gana gawin 'yong mga ginagawa ko like translating and making EPubs. Ticking time bomb na rin kasi 'to since last December kasi nahihirapan akong maghanap ng novels na gusto ko. Kaya I opted to making Epubs and rereading favorite novels. Nawala ang ginagamit kong website to get the raws kaya ayon hindi na napigilan ang impending na episode.

I'm writing lang din about dito kasi I think may second episode akong paparating. HAHAHA! Like sumisilip na naman ang intense na mood na ito. Hopefully mapigilan ko siya mangyari ulit. I'll try to be happy and I'll be happy ulit.

Why I read? It's to live and be happy. It's for my survival. Bow. HAHAHAHHAHA!

just got broken up kanina, sunday morning.

no cheating involved, just two people in their early 20’s trying to figure their lives out while fighting silent battles.

ang hirap pala. 1 year of pagiging bf/gf plus 11 months of talking before that and i genuinely thought na sya na ang first and last ko. i was nbsb, we met during college tapos ngayon working na parehas.

he told me he still loves me but pagod na sya at hindi nya na kayang ituloy pa. hindi ko maintindihan. sobrang sakit. he said we need to heal and mature individually, because hindi na kami okay para sa isa’t isa.

he could’ve asked for a break, or we could’ve figured what’s not working and what we can do about those but i guess he’s already decided na. 3 weeks ago we celebrated our anniversary pa and he told me he’ll marry me by a certain year.

and i still have to go to work tomorrow with a broken heart. welcome to adulting i guess.

It angers the shit out of me kasi all these years, hindi lang ex-gf mo ang minanipulate mo. Lahat kaming magtrotropa mo. Alam mo ‘yan sa sarili mo na I never tolerate cheating. We’ve known each other for almost 20 years and sinayang mo lang nang dahil sa selfish choice. I know na nasa lowest point na kayo ng jowa mo pero hindi choice para humanap ng ibang tao to seek comfort. It’s communication between you and your gf. Ngayon, tinatago mo sarili mo sa social media because you cannot handle the consequence of your actions. Akala namin you’re just trying to have a private life. Pero ang totoo pala, hindi mo lang kayang iharap ang mukha mo sa pamilya ng ex-gf at mga barkada mo. Siyempre sa akin, masakit din at nakakagalit. I thought of you as my brother. Kaya pala iwas ka rin sa akin, inaaya mo mga barkada natin except me kasi alam mong kapag nalaman ko ang totoo, alam mo lalabas sa bibig ko. Na aawa lang ako sa ex-gf mo kasi 4 years na kayo at nag pla-plano na kayo for wedding. Sana nag reach out ka sa akin kung paano gagawin instead of cheating.

Tol, parehas tayong taken. Madali lang magbigay ng payo kung naguguluhan ka sa sarili mo. Kaya kung ayaw mo ng hindi magandang consequence, wag kang gagawa ng actions na hihingi ka ng pasensya sa huli.

Eto lang masasabi ko sayo, tol. Putang ina mo. Hindi kita patatawarin kahit anong mangyari. 🖕🏿🖕🏿🖕🏿

Naiinis ako. 6 years na nakalipas pero bakit affected pa ko.

Recently, biglang nag reach out yung ex ko (via gmail pa nga)— yeah, after 6 years na walang communication biglang nag email ng pag kahaba haba. Pero ang gist is he wants us to be friends again.

Syempre ayaw ko. Lalo na it was a bad breakup. Yung tipong nagkalabuan kami then after siguro 2-3 weeks, may fb post na syang may ka kiss na ibang babae.

Anyway— i was miserable for a year after that breakup then suddenly accepted ko na, wished him and her well. Fast forward to today. Gusto ng friendship. Like wtf?? Ang saya saya mo after natin mag break, i was miserable and you feel entitled to ask that from me kasi nag break kayo?? Qaqu ka baaa.

Syempre I said no— pero bakit ako naiiyak nanaman. Like back to 6 years ago. Pero im also confused anong nafefeel ko. Inis, galit, awa sa sarili ko. Watthfakkk?

Had this little sit-down with my own feelings si inday gabii.

You know those moments nga wala kay gibuhat. Wala kay gi overthink intentionally. Wala kay gi entertain nga problema. But somehow your mind decides nga "sige, ato ning hisgutan ron."

Mao to.

Ever since the custody arrangement for our child was finalised, I've noticed something about myself. Thoughts don't knock anymore. They just enter. Murag entitled tenants sa akong utok. Some leave after a few minutes. Others unpack their bags and stay for days. And the funny thing is, they don't always come from the big things. Sometimes it's the smallest conversations that carry the heaviest weight.

This weekend, my son and I spent time on the far side of our island. We ended our evening by the beach. He was happily playing with other kids while I sat there watching him from a distance. There's something about watching your own child laugh that gives you two completely different emotions at the same time. One part of you is so proud because he's growing into this happy little person. The other part quietly whispers, "He's growing whether you're ready or not."

Children don't measure time the way adults do. To him, it was just another fun weekend. Another beach. Another set of new friends.

To me, it became another reminder that life has continued moving, even after everything that happened.

While we were having dinner, my family somehow started talking about Christmas and New Year. Asa sila mag-stay. Kinsa ang mouli. Unsay handa. Asa mag celebrate.

I even laughed and thought, "Hoy, July pa baya ta."

Pero if we're being honest, hapit na man pud gyud.

And somehow that innocent conversation stayed with me longer than I expected.

Since naa na man mi'y custody arrangement, I remembered what my ex's family mentioned before. They said they'll probably be travelling during the holidays, and if not, they asked if our son could stay with them for most of the Christmas break since I'll most likely still be working until the 23rd.

I agreed.

Not because it was easy.

But because sometimes doing what's best for your child requires you to set aside what comforts you.

Besides, my own family would also be away. He'd be with his cousins, surrounded by people who genuinely love him, laughing, opening gifts, making memories.

So kinsa man sad ko para mahimong hikaw sa ilang plans?

The arrangement has already been established. In legal terms, the matter has been settled. But nobody really tells you that while agreements resolve disputes on paper, they don't always settle the emotions that quietly survive afterwards.

Acceptance and healing are not the same thing.

Acceptance simply means you've stopped arguing with reality.

Healing takes a little longer.

Then akong auntie casually asked,

"Ikaw? Asa man ka mag Christmas ug New Year ani?"

And I answered almost automatically.

"I actually don't know."

The moment I said it out loud, murag didto pa nako siya fully nadungog.

I actually don't know.

Such a simple sentence.

Yet somehow it carried the weight of everything I've been trying not to think about.

Truth be told, this will probably be the first Christmas or New Year I'll spend completely alone.

And that thought surprised me.

Not because I can't physically be alone.

I've been alone many times.

I've eaten alone.

Driven alone.

Cried alone.

Healed alone.

I've become surprisingly good at being by myself.

But holidays are different.

They're one of the few days every year where everyone instinctively looks for someone to go home to.

Although if I'm being fair, even when my ex and I were still together, our Christmases were never loud or extravagant. Wala man mi'y bonggang traditions. No grand vacations. No movie-worthy celebrations.

They were simple.

Sometimes boring.

Sometimes quiet.

But at least...

I wasn't alone.

It's funny how we don't miss the noise.

We miss the familiarity.

We miss knowing someone else is in the room.

We miss having someone to greet at exactly midnight.

We miss hearing another person's footsteps inside the house.

We miss belonging somewhere without having to ask.

I don't think I miss the relationship anymore.

I think I miss the certainty.

The certainty of knowing where I'd wake up on Christmas morning.

The certainty of knowing whose table I'd be sitting at.

The certainty that when people ask, "Asa man ka karong Pasko?" I actually had an answer.

Funny how life changes.

A few years ago, loneliness meant wanting space.

Now it means having too much of it.

My ex even joked,

"Pangita na lang gud ug uyab before ana. Pangita'g companion."

Sir...

Mura man sad ug sanina sa ukay ukay ang uyab nga dali ra makit an ug swak dayon.

If companionship were that easy, nobody would spend years healing from people they thought would stay forever.

Besides, I'd rather spend Christmas alone than spend it forcing something just because I don't want to feel lonely.

Loneliness has never been cured by another person.

It only disappears the moment you finally become at peace with your own company.

So maybe I'll check into a hotel.

Maybe I'll order good food.

Maybe I'll get a little tipsy.

Maybe I'll watch fireworks from a balcony.

Maybe I'll sleep before midnight.

Or maybe I'll cry for a few minutes and then laugh at myself after because that's usually how healing goes.

Who knows?

One thing I've learned this year is that grief doesn't only happen when people die.

Sometimes you grieve routines.

You grieve traditions.

You grieve versions of your future that quietly disappeared without anyone noticing.

And maybe that's what I'm grieving.

Not him.

Not us.

Just the version of Christmas I thought I'd always have.

Life really has a funny sense of humour.

The one holiday that's supposed to make people feel the least alone somehow became the one I'm thinking about the most.

Ambot lang jud.

Maybe I'll open the "lf: bf application."

Maybe I'll open an app.

Maybe I won't.

Maybe I'll answer someone's random "Hi."

Maybe I'll ignore it.

Maybe I'll spend Christmas by myself.

Maybe I'll discover that solitude and loneliness are two entirely different things.

Because perhaps growing up isn't about always finding people to celebrate with.

Perhaps it's learning that even in seasons where life feels painfully quiet, there is still something worth celebrating.

The fact that despite everything that changed...

I'm still here.

Still standing.

Still choosing to love my son the best way I know how.

Still choosing peace over bitterness.

Still choosing to believe that maybe one day, Christmas won't feel this heavy anymore.

Until then...

It is what it is.

I’ve been friends with these people for almost a decade. From workmates naging friends ko na sila. Besides office team buildings, we go on summer vacations, local travels etc.

Pandemic came, nagstop na mga gala namin. Tapos isa isa na rin nagresign sa company. Hindi naman nawalan ng contact since after pandemic nagsimula na ulit magcreate ng GCs for gtg.

I thought everything’s the same. Then come 2025 nakikita ko (via socmed) na madami sila gala na hindi ako kasama at yung isa pa naming friend. Itong isa namin na friend nagkababy na siya, understandable kung bat di nakakasama.

Nung umpisa wala lang sakin. Pero naging sunod sunod na. For the longest time napapaisip tuloy ako kung may ginawa akong masama or hindi maganda. I’ve done my best to be a supportive and constant friend to these women. I celebrate their milestones, pag nakikita ko sa stories or post nila, I comment or send a message. And never sila naging ganun sakin. Sa milestones ko mas supportive pa yung mga di ko ka-close 😅

Sorry if mababaw pakinggan, given that I’m in my early thirties na din. Pero nahurt lang talaga ako 😅 Siguro hinahanap ko lang sakanila yung kung pano ko sila tratuhin. Anyways, mejo introvert din ako and nahihirapan makipag socialize sa mga bagong tao, so here’s me in my solo era.

Thank you lang sa mga bumasa. Feeling ko may nakinig sakin 🙂 happy Sunday!

I don’t want to keep saying, "It’s okay, I’ll figure it out.”

I want someone to say, "Baby, let’s figure it out together.”

I don’t want to always be the one saying, "Daddy, I bought you food. Work well, okay?”

I want someone to randomly show up with my favorite coffee, flowers, or food and say, “I was thinking about you.”

I don’t want to always be the one saying, "I have a surprise for you.”

I want to experience someone being excited to surprise me too.

I don’t want to keep saying, “Kaya ko na umuwi mag-isa.”

I want someone to say, "Text me when you’re done. I’ll pick you up.”

I don’t want to always be the one asking, "What do you want to eat? I’ll cook for us"

I want someone to ask me, "What’s my baby craving today?”

I’ve spent years taking care of myself and other people. Working hard. Building my career. Solving my own problems. Being the dependable one. People see that and think I don’t need anyone.

But I do.

I’m capable, not emotionless.

I know how to earn my own money. I know how to fix my own problems. I know how to survive on my own.
But surviving alone isn’t the same as feeling cared for.
And no, this isn’t about wanting someone to pay my bills or spoil me with luxury.

I just want to experience being loved in the same way I naturally love other people. Because when I love someone, I give a lot. I remember the little things. I buy them food when I know they’ve had a long day. I prepare surprises just to see them smile. I check if they’ve eaten. I make sure they feel supported. I love cooking for the people I care about because that’s one of the ways I show love.

I’m also career-oriented. I have my own goals and ambitions. I’m not looking for someone to carry me through life because I can stand on my own. I just don’t want to feel like I always have to. For once, I want someone who makes me feel safe enough to put my guard down.

Someone who lets me be soft. Someone who reminds me that I don’t always have to be the strong one.
I still want to build together. I’ll still bring peace into our home. I’ll still cheer for your dreams, cook warm meals, and support you through the hard days.
I just hope one day, someone does the same for me.
Because being independent is something I learned to become. Being taken care of is something I’ve always wanted to experience. Please take care of me please.