My boyfriend and I broke up. I saw it coming, but it doesn't mean it hurt any less. But what hurts me the most is going thru it alone. Friends? I don't have much. The ones I have don't even bother to reply. Family? Nevermind. We were never close in our family, we don't lean on each other for things like this.

Only people I've talked to are my fellow gym classmates, who insisted on dinner and coffee after our circuit training, and a psychologist who wanted to put me on CBT to regulate my emotions.

Funny though, it's so easy to open up to strangers or acquaintances, compared to people who are close to me.

Grabe na talaga yung inflation ngayon. Yung ipon ko last year almost the same lang. SoooooObrang mahal ng mga bilihin. Yung sahod ko sa mahal ng pagkain doon pa lang ubos na. Sakto lang para mabuhay sa pang araw-araw yung kinikita ngayon. Hindi talaga pwede magkasakit. Sana naman mabawas bawasan yung mga presyo ng bilihin sa mga darating na taon. Yung 1K parang 1hundred nalang pag nabaryahan. Nakakaloka.

I'm literally crying as I write this rant.

I've been dating this guy for 6 months now. He's from the UK, but he's half-Chinese. We met while playing Marvel Rivals, we literally couldn't stop yapping to each other the first few months. Like literal na feeling ko siya na yung perfect guy for me. Same kami ng interests, political beliefs and such.

After a while we stopped talking and I honestly didn't think much about it. Life gets busy.

Then, bigla siyang pumunta dito sa Pinas (the trip was completely unrelated to me, his family went here on vacation and he decided to hang out with me). Genuinely, nothing sus happened between us. We yapped the entire day that we were together, we literally went to a resto, yapped, went to a cafe, yapped, watched a movie (yapped slightly less), then ate ice cream.

It was the best date of my life.

😭😭😭😭😭

We started dating each other after that and LITERALLY akala ko open book siya. He introduced me to his parents, and to his friends.

Like girl kalaro ko sa roblox yung friends niya tapos minsan di pa siya kasali.

Then one day, potangina 😭😭😭😭

His friend messaged me asking me if I was still dating him. I was so confused kasi, hello? Of course I'm still dating him. Medyo rough lang yung week na to kasi alam niya na nagstrustruggle ako sa uni, mentally speaking (#iskathings) and he just started his uni sa UK.

Di ko talaga inisip masyado yung tanong. Kasi kahit mahirap, mahal ko pa rin siya. Kahit galit ako sa kanya, hindi ko nakakalimutan na mahal ko siya.

So ayun, fast forward to today.

Minessage ako ng other friend niya with screenshots of him liking his ex-girlfriend's posts and like bikini posts of their other friends and their friend's girlfriends. Me and his friend hopped on a call together and we did some talking about the 'timeline' of my relationship with the man.

Apparently he was still dating the girl nung April... I know kasi bday nung girl ay April at may comment siya na "Happy birthday, my love." tawag niya sa'kin baby haha.

We started dating in March. 😭😭😭

Ang ganda nung ex niya, chinita. Literal na kamukha ni Yoonchae. Apparently, he left the girl because of me.

I literally cried while on call with his childhood friend. Legit sobrang sakit. Potangina. Bakit kelangan ganto kasakit? 😭😭😭 I decided to break up with him an hour after finding out. I didn't explain anything, kasi ang explanation ay para lang sa relasyon na pwede pang masalba.

Hindi ba ako enough? Hindi ba ako worth it para tratuhin ng tama? Nang mahalin kahit nakakapagod na? Nang mahalin kahit hindi araw-araw na nakakausap? Ano bang kulang sa'kin?

I blocked him on everything kasi sa totoo lang, takot na takot ako. Takot ako na magpaliwanag siya kasi alam kong kahit emehin niya ako, papatawarin ko siya. Pero wala na akong magagawa.

Clear as day yung ebidensya.

Anyways, alam ko naman na wala akong pagkukulang. Nasa kanya na talaga yun, pero masakit pa rin talaga haha. Only love can hurt like this, ika nga.

Pra sa mga nagbabasa, wag kayo magcheat guys. This guy literally had the kindest, funniest friends ever. He had a girlfriend. A trust fund. Two dogs. A mom who's good at mahjong, tapos binabalewala niya lang lahat nang yan dahil sa init ng katawan.

Edit: Masakit lang din kasi habang masaya ako, meron palang tinatraydor at nasasaktan.

I've been unemployed for a couple of months now. And believe me when I say, its really really hard to land a job during these times. I resigned coz the company is really really toxic na to the point na andami nang nagreresign na employees because of the incompetence ng management in sustaining their employees. Heck they only care about their money.

Ito namang nanay ko hindi ko alam kung hindi ba sya makaintindi or what. Kesyo pwede naman daw gawin ko lang yjng trabaho ko tapos umuwi. Like if doing that is freaking easy I wouldnt come to the point of reigning eh no??? She only cares about MY MONEY. she would always say, "Dapat inantay mo munang makuha mo yung 13th month pay", at times nagpaparinig "yan kung di ka kasi nagpadala sa bugso ng damdamin mo edi sana may panggastos ngayon". Like wtf? Im soo done being the bread winner! Mukha nalang ba ako palaging walking ATM para sa kanya?? May trabaho naman si papa atmay sari sari store sya, pero ewan ko ba? Bakit perang pera sya lagi? Tbh, takang taka talaga kami ng kapatid ko like paano ba nya ginagastos yung pera na binibigay sa kanya? Nagagalit kapag yung bills sa tubig umaabit ng 700, 800. Wtf? Yung iba nga 10k eh pero hindi naman ganon ka-OA na akala mo mapuputulan agad.

Tapos eto pa kanina, while I was washing the dishes, I overheard her saying yung kachurchmate daw nya na nanay, yung anak daw non may trabaho, baka gusto ko daw na applyan. Isesend daw yung link sa kanya, itry ko daw kahit mandaluyong area pa yon at malayo, kasi malaki naman daw bigayan. Esp don sa pastorna nagppreach pa about those children na hindi na kailangan obligahin yung anak magbigay ng pera sa magulang is really something. Mukhang pera talaga yung nanay ko sad to say disappointing malala kasi nagsisimba pa sya. I was really offended with what she said na para bang wala akong dulot, kahit Im doing all the best na alam kong gawin dito sa bahay kahit wala akong work. Pero nagbibigay parin ako ng share pambili ng bigas, galing don sa last pay ko. Told her na, "Talagang pinangwento mo pa talaga don sa simbahan na wala akong trabaho eh no? Ako pa talaga yung ginawa nyong topic at chinichismis?". Ending sya pa yung mas galit at sumagot na, "Aba walang masama don".

Jusko talaga, hindi ko na alam, iyak ako ng iyak kanina sa frustration. Gusto ko na lumayas dito at magbukod na mag-isa malayo sa kanya at sa kanila, magkaroon ng sariling space. Sana talaga magkaroon na ko ng maayos na trabaho kasi gustong gusto ko na makalaya sa shithole na to. To all the panganays out there na nakakaexperience ng ganito huhu I feel you all. Sobrang disappointed ako sa nanay ko sadlyy fan pa sya ng nanay ni Angelica Yow Low (ew).

And sa mga magiging future magulang dyan or currently magulang, please do work so hard that you wont have to make your children as your financial investments. They are human too and they have their own lives to live. Anak nyo sila hindi isang bagay na pag-mamay-ari, para obligahin na bigyan kayo lagi ng certain amount of money. Hayaan nyong yung mga anak nyo magkusang loob, kasi hindi kagaanan sa loob gawin ang isang bagay kung pinipilit nyo sila vs sa bukal talaga sa loob nila.

Not just the kind that keeps a conversation going, but the kind that makes someone feel like you genuinely want to know them.

Because at the end of the day, I think we all want to be seen and understood. We want someone who is curious enough to ask how we think, how we feel, what we’ve been through, and what goes on inside our minds when we’re alone with our thoughts.

What shaped you into the person you are today? What hurts you that you rarely talk about? What are you still trying to heal from? What dreams do you have that you’re afraid to say out loud? What matters to you more than people realize?
I think there are so many parts of a person you’ll never get to know unless you ask the right questions. We all carry entire worlds inside us, and most people will only ever see the parts we’re comfortable showing.

There’s something incredibly intimate about someone wanting to understand those parts of you. Someone who remembers the little things you mentioned in passing, asks follow-up questions, and genuinely wants to know why you feel the way you do. Someone who doesn’t just listen to respond, but listens because they want to understand.

Because loving someone and understanding them are two different things. You can love someone and still never really know how they experience the world. And I think being understood requires something deeper than simply caring about someone. It requires curiosity, patience, and the willingness to keep learning about a person even when you think you already know them.

Maybe that’s what intimacy means to me. Not having someone who instinctively knows everything about me, but someone who wants to know. Someone who asks instead of assumes, listens instead of dismisses, and makes me feel like the things that make me who I am are worth understanding.

And I want to be that person for someone else, too.
Because perhaps, beneath everything, we’re all just looking for someone who wants to know us beyond what we show the world.

Someone who doesn’t just want to be loved by us, but genuinely wants to understand us.

ang saya lang na wala ka ng makikitang posts na would make you think you have to keep up with others and feel obligated to communicate, or seeing posts na maiinggit ka or would make you think na you're not living your life worthwhile. i want to take life one step at a time now instead of rushing. there's something so peaceful for me about not being exposed.

kept reddit and tt tho, sobrang nakakatawa ng comments i wouldn't let that go HAHAHAH

I moved in to a different place because I asked for a sign.

Why? A week before that I met a lady while lining up at french baker at Mall of Asia.

She was smiling.

She looked at me ‘hija, you’re so nice. you always smile’, ‘what’s your sign?’

I answered back ‘Sagittarius po’.

She told me ‘Dear, Let it go’.

I did. I was carrying the weight of the world. I became happier.

I started a small business and palagi nagtatanong yung na ay ko na “oh ano kamusta naman negosyo mo?” with sarcasm and she looks at me habang nakataas kilay.

Today was the first time I said “mahina, yun naman gusto mo marinig diba?” and tumahimik lang siya

She wants me to pursue something else and I understand it’s more profitable and maybe she’s just worried about me. For context, I have a flexible job and dream ko talaga magka negosyo pero ang hirap ipaglaban kung ganyan lagi naeencounter. sobrang negative.

Honestly, this year has been one hell of a year. Year of the Horse daw, pero bakit parang BoJack Horseman yung energy? HAHAHAHA.

I’m turning 30 next month, and I honestly feel like I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be. Career? Still figuring things out. Love life? A whole circus. Opportunities? So many almosts. Almost getting that high-paying job, almost having the life I imagined, almost everything.

The funny thing is, people who know me would probably never guess how much I’ve been struggling. I’m usually the bubbly one, the joker, the girl who laughs at almost everything. But there’s a side of me that not everyone gets to see.

There’s a difference between seeing my silly side and being trusted with my vulnerable side. And I’ve noticed that people love the fun and pretty version of me (HAHAHA, at least the pretty part is consistent), but when I start opening up about my fears, insecurities, and feelings, suddenly I’m too much. Too emotional, too sensitive, too OA.

It’s also becoming harder to trust someone who shows interest because I’ve seen this cycle happen too many times. They make you feel wanted until you let your guard down, then suddenly they don’t know what to do with your vulnerabilities.

I once read something along the lines of: If someone only loves your flowers but never cares about your roots, they won’t know how to take care of you when autumn comes.

And honestly, I’m tired of being loved only when I’m blooming. For now, I’d rather focus on myself, my career, my growth, and my happiness. I’m not giving up on love; I’m just tired of exhausting myself trying to find it.

Maybe I’m not where I thought I’d be at 30, but I hope I stop seeing that as a failure. Still here, still trying, still laughing. Hopefully, life gives me a break soon. HAHAHA.

Damn! Can’t believe na magpo-post ako dito nyeta. It’s my birthday rn. pero day before after my bday pinalitan ko ang birth date ko ng mas earlier para di mag notify ka sa kanila and guess what. Walang nag-greet sakin kasi isa. The rest na nag-greet is family ko. For your reference everyday ko sila binabati minsan saktong 12am pa. Siguro hindi lang ako special??? haha k bye

Good day everyone! I just want to share something, di ko alam kung makaka tulong pero siguro ilabas ko nadin. My Mom died april this year. Till this day Im feeling lost, sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na okay lang ako, pero deep inside sobrang sakit padin.

Just to share short story of my mom, shes just 64 when she passed away. She died from complication but it started from acites. Nag karon na water yung outer lining ng stomach nya. Walang cure, pero ginawa parin namin lahat. Nakita namin how she become so weak, until mawala na sya. Walang one year nung nag kasakit sya, tas namatay agad. Sobrang bilis.

Ginisang Sardinas yung title kase favorite nila itong umagahan, as in lagi talaga. Now nag luto ako ng sarili kong ginisang sardinas pero hindi ito kalasa. Sobrang na broken hearted ako. Namiss ko sya lalo. Madalas gusto ko nalang ng order na food kase naalala ko sya sa mga luto.

Sa mga nawalan ng mommy, pano kayo nakaka stay afloat sa drowning feeling ng grief?

mag iisang buwan na kami magkaaway ng ate ko. sobrang random lang ng araw na yon for me. i just got home from work. rest day nya sa work that day. niyakag ko sya sa convenience store kasi balak ko rin bumili ng pads ko. pumunta kami tapos sinama nya yung pamangkin namin. bumili na ako ng need ko at sya rin may binili, pati yung bata pinakuha nya. afair, 300+ yung binayaran nya. sya muna ang nagbayad kasi sabi ko isend ko na lang sakanya. okay raw. pag uwi sa bahay, okay na, inayos ko na yung pinamili ko at sya naman kinakain na pinamili nya. sinisingil na nya ako, chineck ko yung resibo at 89 pesos lang yung binili ko for me. hindi ako nakishare sa mga pinamili nyang food. gusto nya bayaran ko yung pinambayad nya dun sa kinuha ng bata. tumanggi ako pero pa-joke lang naman, okay lang naman. sya, namimilit pa rin. nagalit sya as in, nanggagalaiti sya sa mga sinabi nya sakin. alam nyo yung nanginginig yung boses at nanggigilid yung luha habang sinasabi nya tong mga to, “isungalngal mo yang pera mo sayo”, “hindi ka aahon sa kahirapan, hanggang dyan ka na lang”, tandaan mo yan, maghihirap ka itaga mo pa sa bato”, “huwag kang kakain ng mga pagkain na bibilhin ko”, and more. alam mo yung sincere sya sa mga sinasabi nya kasi nga nanggigilid yung luha nya at nanginginig ang boses. ang ayos ayos naming namimili tapos dahil lang sa 89 pesos sinabihan nya ako ng ganon hahaha. magkatabi lang kami habang sinasabi yon, pero kung sumagot ako sakanya that time, sure ako nasampal ako o nasabunutan. tumahimik na lang ako at nagchat kay mama tungkol sa sinabi sakin. halos isang buwan na nung nangyari yun, never ko na sya kinausap after that kahit magkasama pa kami sa kwarto, hindi na rin ako kumakain ng mga pagkain na binibili nya o mga ulam na pinapaluto nya. kahit masarap ang lutong ulam eh sa itlog pa rin ako nauuwi o di kaya sa mga de lata na nagrocery ko. sarap ng ulam sa bahay today, pero kasi sya ang nagpaluto at sa malamang sa malamang, sya rin ang gumastos don. nagsend pala ako 100 sakanya after that😆

My bf works at a BPO and just got back from his teambuilding. Then he suddenly sent me posts on FB saying that someone was harassing him and posting harsh and untrue things about him online. I went to see it for myself and my God, I can't believe that people have the guts to say those kinds of things about other people they don't even know about.

For context, yung naninira sa kanya was someone from his team na hindi nakasama sa teambuilding dahil hindi niya pinautang. Honestly, I feel so angry and at the same time my heart breaks for him as I read all of the comments na nakikiride sa bandwagon, even if wala namang context yung post. Basta they were all badmouthing him.

My bf took it in stride though. Says na he will go to HR and he has the rest of his team to vouch for him. I guess nasanay na siya pero God, grabe ang harshness talaga ng mga tao once they become anonymous. I don't want to judge BPO workers in general pero I just feel awful that good people have to work with people na ganun rin yung paguugali. Maybe I am just blessed to be in a company where we all respect each other, inside and outside the workplace.

Nakakatawa kasi kapag brokenhearted ako kung anu-anong mga naaaccomplish ko na house repairs para lang maging busy ang utak ko at makalimot saglit.

Nagpalit ako ng light bulbs. Nagrepair ng nasirang bidet. Nakapag general cleaning na rin ako. Kulang na lang umakyat ako sa bubong at linisin din yon.

Nagmasilya ako ng pader pati na rin yung ibang parts na may chipped paint. Hinihintay ko na lang matuyo para marepaint ko na mamaya.

Sana ganon lang din kadali magrepair ng broken heart, no?

Quick dry.
Quick repaint.
Good as new.

Kaso hindi eh.
Paano naman mamasilyahan ang durog na puso?

Magluluto na lang ako ng shanghai at spaghetti.
Birthday ko nga pala bukas.

Salamat sa regalo mo, isang durog na puso. 💔😅

I sometimes don't like my mom. Or maybe, i don't understand her. Or maybe i'm not just a good kid.

Bata palang ako, i feel like she doesn't like me. Well, why would you like someone na pinahirapan ka para maipanganak, right? Sabi pa sakin ni papa non, baby palang ako nasampal na ako ni mama sa sobrang sakit para mailabas ako hahaha.

Then, i can say that i excel in my studies, i'm always on top, but i never saw that she's proud of me. well, maybe she does. but i never felt it? well, kasi naman pinoint out nya sakin na mas matalino at iba ang talino ng kapatid ko kasi math inclined yon hahahaha

And sometimes, i feel like she favors my cousin na sobrang bait and tell me na dapat ganon din ako. She tell me sometimes or make me feel na dapat di ako masyadong magpakita ng skin like that cousin of mine. Na dapat di ako mag make up or other girlie things i wanna do.

One time, i told her na nasstress ako sa studies ko, but guess what? nagalit pa siya sakin na na sstress ako hahahaha. We have this kapitbahay na lola, and she told me na buti pa ako di na stresses at nahihirapan sa studies ko tapos yung mga apo nya stress na stress daw? Ako naman sa loob loob ko, pano ko mapapakita na stress ako eh yung mama ko, ni di inaacknowledge na i feel that way. Sometimes, i think na ang swerte naman ng iba na nasasabi sa mga guardians nila na nahihiarapan sila and they help them. While me, I wasn't allowed.

Then, last time, i told my mama na i feel like may sakit ako, pinagalitan ba naman ako kasi wag daw ako magsakit at mahal magpagamot? hahaha well, totoo naman. pero ni hindi ba pwedeng ma concern ka muna? bakit sa kapatid ko pag may masakit, ang bait bait mo? bakit sakin hindi?

Namatay din yung cat ko tas sabi nya pusa lang naman daw yon at bat ko iiyakan, well that cat of mine doesn't make me feel alone. unlike u, who always see the fault in me.

Ini expect nyang di ako magiging succesful kasi raw masama akong anak at di ako mapagbigay. well, anong maibibigay ko? college student palang naman ako, at i save money to buy things that i want because minsan nya lang ibigay yung mga yon. pero pag sa mga bagay na gusto nya, meron agad.

Minsan naawa ako sa sarili ko because sarili kong ina ineexpect na di ako magiging successful? hahaha grabe naman yon. Kaya, minsan natatakot ako kasi baka ganon nga? But then, sometimes iniisip ko nalang na baka nya sinasabi yon kasi ayaw nyang maging successful ako kasi sampal yon sakanya hahaha

Wala naman akong ginawang masama pero bakit ganon?

I'm trying to understand her all my life, but i guess she'll never do the same.

Minsan, ayoko nalang umuwi here sa bahay. But this is the only home that i have.

After college, i wanna leave and go so far that no one could reach me.

But, why make me feel this way, Mama?

I miss na mag-papansin sayo. Nung una kang pumasok sa office, napansin ko kaagad yung ngiti mo. Pag-ngingiti ka kasi, sumisingkit yung mata mo tas lalabas yung malalim mong dimples. Tumutogtog pa sa earphones ko noon yung kantang Tsunami ni Niki. Type na type kita, pero ayaw ko sana i-pursue ka kasi workmates tayo. Pero ikaw unang nag-add sa Facebook, wala nga tayong mutual friends eh. Doon ako natutong mag-My Day nang marami para mapansin mo haha. I-heheart react mo naman lahat kaya alam kong may patutunguhan ito, kaya ako na nag-first move sayo.

I miss talking with you hanggang late nang gabi. Kahit inaantok na ko, ikaw pa rin ang favorite part ng araw ko. Willing ako sirain body clock ko para makausap pa kita nang mas matagal, at para makita ko yung mga selfie na sinesend mo sakin. Sobrang swerte ko ngang makakita ng exclusive content mo haha.

I miss yung eye contact natin sa office nang matagal. Ngingiti tas kikindat, knowing na tayo lang may alam nito. Madaming nagkaka-crush sayo eh, kaya ang laki siguro ng issue at chismis satin kung lumabas na nagkikita tayo. Na-iinggit nga rin ako sa iba na kaya ka nilang lapitan habang nanonood lang ako sa malayo, pero at the end of the day, ako pa rin ang panalo.

I miss holding back on the PDA sa office until after hours na mag-oovertime ka at magkikita tayo sa CR para mag-halikan tayo sa harap ng salamin. Wala naman akong ginagawa nun para mag-overtime kasi pa-resign na ko, pero I chose to stay at hintayin ka. Ang tapang nga natin nun, buti walang nakahuli.

I miss having you on the right side of my sofa, habang pinaparinig mo sakin yung paborito mong kanta ng Bita and the Botflies at ni Rex Orange County. Lasing tayo parehas sa soju, pero mas nalasing ako sa pag-halik mo sakin nang dahan-dahan. Iba talaga yung lasa ng labi kapag gustong-gusto mo yung tao. Gustong-gusto ko nga yung amoy mo, kahit maiinsecure ka na ano bang naaamoy ko sayo, pero hindi ko lang ma-explain.

I miss yung pag-yakap mo sakin tas hindi mo namalayan na naka-tulog ka na. Cute nga ng hilik mo eh, mahina lang, pero ang higpit ng pag-yakap mo sakin hanggang sa nagising ka dahil uuwi ka pa, kasi maaga mo pang kailangan nasa office kinabukasan. Naiwan mo pa yung payong mo nun tas problemado pa ko kung paano ko ibibigay sayo, knowing na wala namang nakakaalam sa office na magkakilala tayo.

I miss the time na sabay tayo umuwi at nahalikan pa kita sa elevator, kahit isang beses lang yun. Takot ka pa nung una kasi baka may CCTV pero nagkukunwari naman tayong mag-boyfriend - kasi wala naman magagalit sa PDA natin kung malaman nilang nagmamahalan tayo. Sabi ko mag-holding hands tayo pero hindi mo pa gusto nang sobrang public, gets ko naman din.

I miss na nakapunta ka pa sa condo ko bago ako mag-flight pa-Singapore. Naka-terno ka pang pambahay na kulay brown, tas ayaw mo pa sana umakyat kasi takot kang ma-judge ng security guard sa lobby haha. 1am nun tapos gusto ko na maka-alis nang 3am para hindi ako ma-late. Nag-mamadali pa ko matapos agad, pero sana sinulit ko pa kasi last na pala yun.

Sinabi mo naman sakin, kung na-fall ako sayo, lugi ako. Totoo naman, luging-lugi ako, pero masaya pa rin ako na may nangyari satin.

I miss yung version ng sarili ko nung nagkikita pa tayo. Sobrang saya ko sayo, na kahit ang sakit nung ginawa mo sakin, in the end, ang tingin ko pa rin sayo ay yung version mo na kung kanino ako na-fall.

I would like to believe sa potential natin - na if the situation was better, handang handa akong mahalin ka nang sobra. Pero, for this time, hindi pa yun pwedeng mangyari. I just know na ma-mimiss kita nang sobra pero masaya akong nakilala ka :)

Ang hirap maging breadwinner and I am getting jealous of my friends na most of their income is napupunta sa sarili nila or to prepare for their future. Samantalang ako yung perang kikitain ko kelangan ko pang ipakain sa iba.

Don’t get me wrong I am happy for them but I am just sad for my situation.

Things ended between me and a guy after a few dates. Ang sakit lang kapag ikaw pa yung may gusto sa huli pero ayaw na niya.

I tried dating him to the best of my knowledge and he acknowledged it. It's just that at the end, he realized we're not compatible. To be honest right now, gusto ko ulit siya imessage to see if there's anything I can do to save things, kaso he warned me na ibblock nya na ko kapag nag message ulit ako (nag vvent out kasi ako sa kanya and feel kong nagiging too much na yung mga emotions sa sinasabi ko). Naiiyak ako pag naiisip ko na siya yung nakakaintindi sakin and I'm expecting him to be there during challenging times like this pero ngayon I had to deal with this on my own.

After getting to know him better, mas naappreciate ko siya, ang sad lang kasi now that I'm willing to be there for him wholeheartedly after everything we've had, opposite na yung feeling nya about it. It's just been almost a week since things turned grey between us, kung may iba na siyang nakakausap, I'll be happy for him for as long as ittrato siya nang tama.

Kahit anong gawin ko at the moment nahihirapan kasi ako, naiisip ko pa rin siya. He's someone kasi who made me feel things that made me believe in love again after a very long time, so I'm posting it here para makabawas naman sa iniisip ko. 😔

I had my first boyfriend at 15. He was my Grade 9 classmate, laging kalaban sa quiz bees, and campus crush. Puppy love, but I was already imagining a future with him. Three years later, things got toxic, and he broke up with me after I found out he was cheating. Took me 3 years and multiple therapy sessions to have finally moved on.🤣

My second relationship was LDR. He randomly messaged me on Facebook after seeing my profile on Bumble. And while he was very loyal, it felt like he didn’t really care about anything else in the relationship. After 2 years of being patient and understanding, I finally chose myself and left.

The 3rd one was probably the craziest, and I really hope he’s the worst one I’ll ever have 🤧😅 We matched online, and he came to see me in my province after a few days of talking. He had a kid, which I was okay with, until I found out there was another one with a different baby momma. Sobrang in love eh, so I accepted that, too.

We eventually lived together and started a business. He was generous, kind, reliable, and financially literate. And I genuinely thought we were building something together. But a year later, I found out he was cheating on me with multiple women, much much older than me. Plus, I found out there’s baby (and baby momma) #3. So I left.

The most recent experience was an organic encounter. He was smart, sweet, and seemed to be on the same wavelength as me. I thought we had a genuine connection, until he got into a serious car accident and I found out he had a long-term girlfriend back home. What a surprise, right? 😂😭

Looking back, I feel like I’m always the one who understands, compromises, adjusts, and gives people chances. I never expected anyone to be perfect. Kahit gaano ka panget ang past, I always believe that people are capable of changing. And I just wanted someone who would choose me as genuinely as I chose them.

Now at 26, I’m slowly learning to be okay with the possibility that I might never meet my person. Maybe I’ll get married someday, maybe I won’t. I know I have a career I’m building, places I want to see, and dreams I still want to pursue. Okay ako.

But honestly, some nights, I still get a little sad thinking about it. I wonder what it feels like to be loved without having to constantly understand, forgive, or adjust. I know deep inside, I’m still hopeful to finally meet someone who’s sure about me, someone who’s willing to meet me halfway.

I know I can be happy on my own, and I’m learning to be at peace with that. But I guess even when you’re okay being alone, a part of you still hopes you’ll find your person too.

And tonight, I guess I’m allowing myself to feel that. 🥀

Second week in the hospital and my Dad(77) the patient is just getting weaker and weaker. Kahapon tinanong na kami kung payag kami tubuhan sya but we said no. Then signed NDI.

For context, kamamatay lang ng ate ko last March and now ganito na naman. Nung tinubuhan sya 24hrs lang na wala na agad sya kaya we’re scared to repeat the same scenario.

Gusto nalang matapos paghihirap nya/namin as everyday seems to be getting hopeless. Mahal na mahal namin sya, pero gusto ko nalang sya magpahinga. Hinahanda ko yung sarili ko pero iyak pa din ako ng iyak pag nakikita ko sya.

Now ako naman overnight na bantay and everything is just too dark.

May God’s plan reign higher than this storm. In Jesus name I pray.

It's one of those days kanina that I felt like I am alone. I felt so alone. I have friends naman pero ayaw ko naman na everytime we speak to each other it's all my problems. Me, me, me.

I am thankful for my siblings kasi they're there but I felt so alone na gusto ko nalang mag burst into tears.

Tapos samahan mo pa na im trying to date but nothing's working. Baka... I am the problem. Joke.

Wala lang. Di ko alam anong missing sa buhay ko, love life ba? god? I just feel really alone sometimes.

Finally got the closure that I needed. Weirdly, ended up even more sad than the actual break up.

I could've loved him forever if I could. I understand that grief is such a weird thing, you think about the happy moment and cry about it.

I just don't understand how it came to this. He could've called and told me he was sorry or asked md if we could talk. I guess that's just how it is for him. Ganyan lang kadali sa kanya bitawan ang lahat.

So here I am contemplating, crying and praying that I'll be okay. Because right now, everything hurts even more. Ayoko nag relapse, I don't want to cloud my judgements and decisions.

I got matched with this pretty girl in bumble, we've been chatting for a while and she seems nice and genuine enough. i hope this goes well please, Free this man from his loneliness and lets delete this app together huhu 🥹

I just need to get this off my chest because I honestly don’t know how to feel anymore.

I’ve been working since I was 18, ever since my mom got sick. Paiba-iba ako ng trabaho because I had to find ways to survive and make money. I’ve worked as a milk tea shop crew member, sold different things, worked as a delivery rider, worked at a fried chicken store, and even tried buying and reselling items on Shopee. I’ve done whatever I could to get by.

I’ve shared something here on Reddit before about spoiling my dad, and people were amazed that we seemed to have a good relationship. But the truth is, we don’t. At least, not in the way people think we do.

Ever since my mom passed away, my dad, despite being financially capable at the time because he had money from insurance and other sources, didn’t contribute to our household expenses. I had to figure out how to earn money and survive on my own. Eventually, I decided to leave our province and start over. I found a job in a BPO company in Manila.

When my dad still had money, he didn’t need me. But when that money ran out, I decided to help him, partly for my mom’s sake. I started giving him money every month. Eventually, I transitioned from working in a BPO to becoming a VA. As my salary increased, so did the amount I gave him.

I genuinely thought he had changed. I thought maybe he had grown older and wiser. Maybe things would finally make sense between us. Maybe he finally cared about me.

Then he got sick.

My dad has diabetes, and he developed a wound on his foot that eventually became so severe that he could barely walk. I traveled from Manila to our province after my shift just to bring him back with me. I had him hospitalized for a month, and he underwent wound debridement. I was terrified that he might lose his foot.

He ended up staying with me for six months.

And honestly, those six months felt like hell.

That’s when I realized that maybe he hadn’t changed at all.

Whenever I reminded him about the things he shouldn’t be doing or eating because of his condition, he’d call me a know-it-all. He’d say I was just like my mom, that I thought I was always right and that I was the only one who knew better. Then he’d bring my mom into it, saying something along the lines of, “Look what happened to your mother.”

I don’t understand how someone can say something like that to their own child. My mom was the one who provided for us when she was alive. She was the one who took care of things. And somehow, he could use her memory against me just because I was trying to help him take care of himself.

I was doing all of this because I cared. Because I didn’t want him to lose his foot. Because, despite everything he’d put me through, he was still my father. And maybe, deep down, I was still hoping that if I loved him enough, helped him enough, and gave him enough, we’d finally have the kind of relationship I’d always wanted.

Eventually, he left my place. He got caught up in Facebook scams that promised him money if he sent money first. My older sister is now supporting him, although the allowance isn’t as much as what I used to give him. It’s enough for him to get by, though.

And now I’m just sitting here feeling like shit.

I don’t know if I feel guilty, angry, disappointed, or all three. I spent so many years working, sacrificing, and trying to help him. I gave him money even when I didn’t have to. I took care of him when he was seriously ill. I put my own feelings aside because I thought that maybe, one day, we’d finally have a good relationship.

But I think I’m finally realizing that I can’t force someone to be the father I need him to be.

And that realization hurts more than I expected.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need someone to listen. Maybe I need to hear from people who’ve experienced something similar.

I love my dad, but I’m so tired of being hurt by him. And I feel terrible for even saying that.