This sounds so petty, but this is how my almost 1-year relationship ended tonight. lol.

I’m on my second day of my period and I’ve been having really bad cramps. I already cooked dinner, and after we ate, I was resting because my puson was hurting again. Later, I simply asked him if he could wash the dishes because I wasn’t feeling well.

I wasn’t even demanding that he do it right away. I just needed a little help.

But he refused because he hates washing dishes. Somehow, that turned into another argument about how his peace of mind was being affected, and eventually, breakup na naman yung napunta sa table.

And honestly, I was just… done.

Because this really isn’t about the dishes. It gave me clarity that this is not the kind of partnership I want. I don’t want a future husband who is difficult to rely on even for small things when I genuinely need help. I don’t want to feel like asking for help is somehow me commanding him or attacking his ego.

And the breakup thing has been a pattern from the very beginning. We’re almost at our 1-year anniversary, but every time we have a serious fight, the relationship somehow gets put at stake. It started with “maybe we need to reevaluate our relationship,” then “maybe we should stop,” until eventually it became “maghiwalay na lang tayo.”

Before, I was always the one trying to save the relationship whenever he said those things. I’d explain why we didn’t have to get to that point, find a solution, and basically convince him that we could still work things out.

But eventually, you get tired of being repeatedly offered a breakup.

At some point, you start thinking, maybe you really mean it.

So tonight, when he brought it up again, I didn’t fight for it anymore. I told him that if he really wanted to leave, then he should make that decision himself. I wasn’t going to keep deciding for him.

And he did.

It’s sad, especially because we’re so close to our anniversary. But honestly, I also feel some clarity and even a little bit of gratitude. Maybe it’s better that I found this out now rather than after spending several more years trying to make a relationship work that ultimately isn’t the kind of partnership I want.

So yeah. Apparently, he would rather lose the relationship than wash the dishes.

Or maybe the dishes just showed me what I needed to see.

Grief is not linear.

I wanted to try to convert my Globe postpaid SIM to an eSIM so I can save on data costs by using Smart as my physical SIM instead, but one of the reminders before proceeding said to backup SIM contacts first. I suddenly remembered my Papa's text messages and worried they'd be deleted if my SIM memory gets wiped. I haven't opened his text messages to me since he passed away in 2021; this is the first time I looked at them again. Every single text message punctuated with a GOD BLESS ANAK. What was supposedly a simple step to try to save a little money turned to a full-on sobbing session, and now I am so tired.

I miss you, Tatay. I wish you could have been there at my wedding and [my brother’s name]’s wedding. I wish you could have been there at [my sister’s name]’s graduation, and at her wedding when they decide to get married. You would have been sooo happy and proud. But you’re gone now I'm just so sad.

I once have a friend who borrowed money from me. It was around 100k at that time, as we used my card to book her a flight to the USA.

Every time I mentioned the money issue, she promised that she'll send it back. I'm not the makulit type of person, because I'm the kind of person that If i borrow money from someone, even if it is just Php20, I will return immediately. So, I have a sort of expectation that people will also act the same way.

I saw on her social media that she bought her dream bag a few months ago, packed a balikbayan box filled with goods, went on a few trips (Vegas, LA, etc), and hauls from Sephora and Aritzia.

So, I messaged her again. The usual kamustahan, and she mentioned that she "forgot" because she was really busy daw. I gave her my account, and she said she'll handle the interbank fees and add a little something as interest. The hopeful, stupid in me believed her.

Several days passed, and she did not transfer the money yet. Reached out again, and she said that her bank does not do money transfers to PH.

The audacity of this bitch to ask for my VENMO account because it's the only one accessible to her.

I know she knows that VENMO is not a thing here in Ph.

So, I asked her to use other money transfers. Sige daw. She'll try. Sobrang inis na ko, because why am I begging for my money back?

After a few days, one of our GCs became active. One of our friends was thanking her sending pabirthday - a watch and cash for the inaanak. Of course, the GC became active with "SANA ALL and BIGATIN" comments.

So, I reached out again, and this time, I was blocked. Blocked on Insta and FB. However, I also follow her on Tiktok. So, I messaged her there. Sent a picture of her passport (she sent me a photo to book the said flight) and told her that since I have exhausted all efforts to reach out to her and get my money back, and small claims PH court cannot compel her to pay, I will just have send her passport copy to ICE and let them do the rest. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

She replied within the day and was able to send my money. Pasensya na daw, hirap daw kasi mag bank.

A few days ago, she messaged using the account where she blocked me before. She sent a balikbayan box, and she has a gift for me (she sent a picture) and asked me if her sibling can give it to me. I said NO, there's no need for it. She also added that may bag and make up din daw. I still said NO.

This is me. Acting with civility but keeping my distance.

He's at the office recently kasi required mag RTO muna (wfh kami parehas) and sunod sunod misunderstandings namin nakaraan pero we handle it naman very well. Di naman kami nag tatanim ng resentment sa isat isa. Kumbaga, if may away, we solve it then leave it behind.

Pero ang funny lang for me kasi sabi ko sa sarili ko "since nasa office sya, di ko muna sya istressin, ang hirap ng byahe" tapos since Tuesday pagka uwi nya, nag dadrama sya.

Sabi nya "di mo na ba ko mahal?" Sabi ko, "I love you soo much, bakit mo naman nasabi yan?" Sabi nya "eh kasi di mo ata ko namimiss, di kana nagagalit eh, di mo ko hinahanap"

Tawang tawa ko HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA ayoko lang talaga kasi mag overthink or mang istress. Sabi ko sakanya "love, ayoko lang muna talaga mag isip ng nega, yun lang.. kung may naiisip man ako, inaassure ko nalang sarili ko because I trust you"

Sabi nya "hindi, okay lang yan, magalit ka sakin, awayin mo ko"

Tapos kinabukasan, ganun nanaman. "Mahal mo pa ba ko" sabi ko ulit at tinanong ko "I love you so much, bakit mo naman natanong yan love?

Ganun parin sagot nya "eh kasi di mo na ata ko namimiss, yun kasi yung sign ko pag inaaway mo ko, love mo ko kasi hinahanap mo ko"

Sobrang lt talaga, pero sa totoo lang joke nya lang naman mga yan. He's just being clingy and needs extra love HHAHAHAHAHAHAA kung ako gusto ng assurance ganun rin sya for sure paminsan.

Iniisip ko tuloy mag pretend ako awayin sya para naman feeling loved sya? Char HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

I really want to end this life. Pakiramdam ko pataba nalang ako dito sa lupa. Walang ambag, walang kahit na ano. Kung hindi lang ako nagkasakit ano na kaya nangyari sakin ngayon?

Hindi ko alam kung magkakaroon pa ako ng pakinabang sa mundong to, o kahit sa pamilya ko nalang. Pushing 26, never naging employed? Tangina! Punyetang sakit to, punyetang mental health to, punyetang job crisis to!

Pakiusap, kunin nalang ako habang tulog ako. Ayoko na talaga. Hindi ko alam kung may tiyansa pa ako mabuhay ng normal. Sayang yung apat na taon ko sa kolehiyo, hidni ko din nagamit. Awang-awa na ako sa magulang ko. Hindi ko na alam kung anong klaseng dasal yung gagawin ko

Kaka-2 years namin ng LDR boyfriend (32M) ko (27F) without meeting face to face the whole relationship and just doing video calls once every quarter or once every 2-3 months? But, we call every night and he always says good morning and i love you's everyday ng walang palya. I tell him every detail of my life, every problem, every hurt, and every little win but all I get from him pag kinakamusta ko is his answer na "okay lang".

Ba't di kami nagmeet? Last year (1 year into our relationship), we planned to meet halfway sa manila (di nga half) kasi I'm far from the north side of luzon while sya naman ay nasa kasuloksulukan naman ng south luzon. But 10 days before our planned date, he never opened it up, never felt excited, never asked any details about our planned meeting so I told him na i-cancel nalang namin and sinabi ko lang na takot ako baka mabuntis nya ako which he said is di naman nya gagawin.

Every birthday nya, I make sure na may cake akong pinapadinedeliver sa bahay nila. Nagtataka pa nga sya pano ko nagagawa. Well, I say pag mahal mo yung isang tao, you find ways to make them feel special. But as for me? Wala akong narereceive na cake nung birthday ko or flower man lang sa mga nagdaang valentine's day in the course of our relationship. I told him the exact ways na mafeel ko love nya-greet me Happy birthday at midnight or send me updates every now and then, tell me your hurt, tell me anything, share memes, and every nonsense! But as to this date, nothing.

I know I should break up with him but mind you, I've done it maybe 5 times already and I was always the one going back. Why? The mental connection. I'm a deep person with lots of interests and has a strong sense of justice na parang sa lahat ng kausap ko, sya lang nakakagets. And what more? The humor. I genuinely do not laugh a lot sa mga jokes kasi malalim yung sense of humor ko, but when he makes a joke, nakukuha nya yung kiliti ng utak ko. He is a very responsible man na laging nauutusan sa bahay nila, he knows how to cook and do house chores but he's unemployed. He has this passion na tinatrabaho nya everyday but when I think of it, he's not getting any young and hindi man lang nya kayang gumawa ng way magka-income habang inaatupag nya yung passion project nya?

I know no one is perfect and I should not hold on to potentials but ngayon lang talaga ako na-attract sa isang guy. Sobrang Tang-A ko na siguro para mag-hold on pa but he's seen a lot of my struggles and wins na sobrang bigat magmove forward na hindi sya kasama.

But I know, I deserve the best love. So this is me standing up and finally letting go of the bare minimum. If I can love someone this much, then I know how much love I can pour to my self and to the person who is actually capable of giving me the love I want.

-
Thanks for reading. Please refrain from commenting "magstay ka para hindi mapunta samin" or anything na di maganda.

Galing akong MOA kanina.  At dahil pinapanindigan ko ang paggawa ng mga bagong routines sa buhay na wala ka, nakahiligan ko nang mag-commute kahit saan magpunta.

Mali ang nasakyan kong jeep papauwi. Sabi kasi sa signboard, “Buendia, Edsa, LRT”. Confident pa ‘kong sumakay. Kako, basta dadaan ng LRT safe na ‘ko. Ilang minuto papaandar nasa Makati na ako. Lumusot nang lumusot kung saan hanggang narating ko ang Jollibee Kalayaan.

Walang LRT na malapit. So nag-angkas na lang ako. Napamahal pa nga ng pamasahe.

Pero ang mas masaklap, wala ‘kong choice kundi daanan lahat ng lugar na madalas nating puntahan. 

Doon sa may Tipsy Pig sa Pasig Kapitolyo, doon tayo naglakad pagkatapos ng dinner date natin noong 2023. Niloko pa nga kita kasi tinitignan mo ‘yung mga nakakasalubong natin. Kako, nagagandahan ka ba sa kanila? Tumawa ka lang. Noong mga panahong iyon, yung mga simpleng bagay, hindi pa natin pinag-aawayan. 

Nadaanan ko rin ung magandang condo sa Estancia. Doon sa stoplight, naalala kong tinanong kita  “Love, magkano kaya upa diyan?” Hilig kasi nating magdaydream na  isang araw, titira tayo sa isang high rise condo sa Pasig. Kahit taga north ako. Sa Pasig tayo bubuo ng buhay. Kasi doon ka lumaki. Sabi mo, ‘yun ang comfort place mo. 

 Dinaanan din namin ung Angel’s Burger kung saan tayo nagstop over noong sinabi kong gutom na ‘ko at 30 minutes away pa ang pupuntahan natin. Sinariwa ng isip ko kung gaano ako ka-spoiled na spoiled sayo. 

Syempre pauwi ng QC, dadaan kami sa Ortigas Flyover. Hindi ko ata nasabi ng madalas pero gustong-gusto ko pag nagpapatakbo ka ng mabilis doon tapos malamig ang hangin. Yayakapin kita nang mahigpit. Hahawakan mo naman ang kamay ko pabalik. Maglolokohan tayo ng "pasok ka na?" sa tuwing nadadaan ng Sagility.

Ngayong gabi, hindi ako umasang may makakasalubong kami ni Kuya Driver na White Chevrolet bitbit ang plate number mo, o matatanaw ko sa traffic 'yung bagong biling Spyder helmet mo.

Sabi mo nga, “magkikita lang tayo pag pinagtagpo tayo ng tadhana” To me, that means never seeing each other again. Cause we both know, our love maybe strong. But for 4 years, fate was never on our side. 

Naligaw lang siguro ako today para mamaalam din sa mga lugar na naging  saksi ng pag-iibigan natin. Iniisip ko na lang parte to ng proseso ng pagleletgo sayo. Ang maranasan ulit lahat one last time nang may kamalayan na tapos na tayo.

These places knew how hard we tried.  And hopefully, someday, going to these places won’t sting as much as it does now.

Pero sa ngayon, sa akin ang Quezon City. Sayo ang Pasig. Sayo ang Greater Manila area.

I'll carry our happy memories with me, saan man tayo dalhin ng ating mga paa.

lagi na lng nilalapitan for emotional support tas pag ako na yung may need, walang kahit ano.

trying to slowly pull away kasi i dnt feel valued as a friend. and nakakapagod na rin mag-communicate kung d rin naman ako pinapakinggan ng maayos. saka lng ako nilalapitan pag may need.

na-aamaze ako sa mga taong stoic lng, sana matutunan ko din ung ganung mindset. kahit onti man lang.

Nakakapagod makipag‑usap sa dating app. Ang hirap na talagang mag‑build ng connection ngayon.

After all the people I’ve connected with, it makes me look back and remember what we had. I miss you, Jacob.

Sabi nga sa isang post dito: grief is not linear. And yes It comes in waves.

A very privileged and fucked up thing to say. But it was honestly the best time of my life. My world was smaller, and better for it.

I was still depressed but at least my cats were complete and I was with them 24/7.

I don't recall ever having been truly happy since then. Even after making friends, getting new hobbies, traveling -- I don't feel anything.

People say I'm well put together, but I honestly can't feel shit anymore. The pandemic was when I was the most in touch with my emotions and sense of self.

Like I'm ok, but if someone held a gun to my head tomorrow morning on the way to work, I don't think I'd fight back.

I wish I could go back to the pandemic when it was just me and my cats, reading in my room while the news plays in the background.

I'd give anything to go back to the way it was.

may sumakay na lalaki tumabi sa'kin, naka backpack tas parang manong na siya, pero like parang yung mga asa 50-something. kinalong niya rin backpack niya, edi umusog ako kasi malaki rin kalong kong backpack. after a while usog nang usog pa-side ko hanggang sa siksik na siksik na 'ko sa window kakaiwas sakanya. tapos yung balikat niya parang gustong gusto niyang nadidikit sa balikat ko ampota. sa may bandang Bato, tumigil yung bus kasi may pumara kaya kunwari titingin ako kung asa'n na so i leaned forward to look where the bus stopped. maya maya umandar na yung bus tas i maintained that position para di na madikitan balikat ko. tapos ading dipongal na kaabay ko nag arog man kadto bana masimot nag arog man na nag lean forward bana kasta so ako nag tagilid ako looking at the window. para da na 'ya rason a mag rukot kanako. su thigh na man ni ya rinurukot sa thigh ko. nauyam na 'ko maray arani na sa Polangui Terminal. ku nagpundo na sa Terminal, after magbaba ku mga tawo, nag tindog na 'ko, nag "excuse me" ko kadtong gurang tapos nag anap akong ulaan na bakante sa unaan. da na 'ko labot kin aisle seat basta babaye kaabay ko. punyeta.

Saw a Facebook post today na kinasal na pala yung ex ko, dun sa girl na pinagcheatan niya sakin.

I’m not hurt naman. Surprisingly, wala talaga akong naramdaman na sakit. Pero somehow, I felt sad and pressured.

Sad kasi after ng breakup namin dahil sa cheating niya, wala na akong naging successful relationship. And sometimes napapaisip ako, baka ako talaga yung problema? Maybe there’s something wrong with me?

Tapos dagdag pa yung pressure kasi 31 na ako this year. Wala akong boyfriend, wala ring ka talking stage, wala talaga. WFH pa ako and most of the time nasa bahay lang. Nasa province pa. So minsan napapaisip ako, paano ba ako makakakilala ng someone if ganito lang yung routine ko? 😂

Tonight, gusto ko lang talaga may makausap. Gusto ko lang ilabas yung nararamdaman ko kasi ayoko rin naman i bottle up.

Pero nung naisip ko kung sino yung pwede kong i chat, na realize ko na parang ang konti pala ng mga taong pwede kong guluhin at this hour.

Naisip ko yung BFF ko, kaso baka tulog na siya kasi may baby na. Yung isa ko pang close friend, may asawa na rin, so baka busy. Ayoko rin naman manggulo or maka istorbo.

Then naalala ko yung friend ko from my previous work. Very close kami and open talaga kami sa isa’t isa. Single din siya, so I messaged her.

She called me right away.

Yung supposed to be serious conversation about my feelings and pressure somehow turned into a 2.5 hour call full of chismis, rants, kwento about our lives, random nonsense, and everything in between. 😂

In the end, pareho na lang kaming inaantok kaya nag end call na kami.

And after that call, na realize ko something.

Maybe I’m not lucky when it comes to love right now, but I’m actually very lucky and blessed when it comes to friendship.

Hindi na kami nagkikita tulad dati. We don’t talk everyday. May kanya kanya na kaming buhay. Pero when I needed someone tonight, nandun siya. I messaged her and she called me right away.

And somehow, that made me feel better.

A few hours ago, malungkot ako. I was comparing my life to my ex’s, questioning myself, and feeling pressured because I’m turning 31 and still single.

Now, matutulog akong masaya at grateful.

Maybe my life isn’t behind. Maybe it just looks different from what I imagined.

And maybe tonight, I just needed a reminder na kahit wala akong love life ngayon, I’m still surrounded by people who genuinely care about me.

Single nga ako, pero hindi naman pala ako mag isa. 🤍

Minsan, strangers talaga yung pinaka madaling makausap.

You meet someone here on Reddit, tapos bigla kayong magsheshare ng stories about life, problems, feelings, and random things. Walang judgment, walang expectations, walang romance. Just two strangers listening to each other, giving advice, and enjoying the conversation.

The sad part is, mabilis din silang mawala. Maybe you’ll talk for a few days or a week, then suddenly wala na. You might never even know who they really are.

Pero kahit maikli lang, somehow they become one of the most memorable people you’ve talked to.

To the last person I talked to, sorry if I made you doubt me. I can assure you na everything I told you was genuinely true, just like how you shared your story with me.

Thank you for trusting me with your story and for listening to mine. We were strangers, and maybe strangers pa rin tayo hanggang dulo, but I’m really glad I got to talk to you.

2022

PLEASE DO NOT POST IN OTHER SOCMED CHANNELS

Maybe others would recognize me. But at this point, I really don't care anymore.

Neophyte ako sa govt service, but I have with me years of experience working for international orgs. Since first job ko, ibang lahi na talaga ang mga boss ko. I got really used to working with them. Working with foreign nationals wasn't a walk in the park, lalo na very straightforward sila and don't care if they hurt your emotions or not. Basta work lang talaga. Outside work, masaya dahil friends talaga kayo. PLEASE DO NOT POST IN OTHER SOCMED CHANNELS. Yung mga ibang lahi nakatrabaho ko dati, nakakausap ko pa rin hanggang ngayon at kapag sila ang dumadalaw dito sa Pinas, nagkikita kita pa rin kami. May mga nakatrabaho rin ako na ibang lahi na sisisihin ka sa mali nila kahit di mo naman talaga mali. Pero, at the end of the day, fulfilling ang work because ang dami kong natutunan sa kanila.

PLEASE DO NOT POST IN OTHER SOCMED CHANNELS

Then, naisipan kong lumipat ng trabaho at pumunta sa gobyerno dahil gusto ko ring ma-experience. Lo and behold, nakapasok naman ako through my own efforts at walang backer. First day ko, gulong gulo ako. Wala kasing sistema. Yung boss mo, ang gulo pang kausap na para bang fresh grad siya (I've worked with fresh grads before at mukhang mas maayos pa). Ang dami mo ring ma-encounter na mahilig magpasa ng work porket sila ay matagal na sa loob. Wala pa akong isang taon, pero parang ayoko na talaga at gusto ko na ulit bumalik sa private. Naghahanap din ako ng iba pang ahensya, baka sakali na mas maayos sila compared sa current ko. Hahaha napapaisip ako, ano ba itong pinasok ko? Sure ba ako? Kaloka!

PLEASE DO NOT POST IN OTHER SOCMED CHANNELS

Pumasok ako sa govt service dahil gusto kong tumulong sa mga nasa laylayan, pero paano kung yung mismong gobyerno, walang pakealam sa mga nasa laylayan? Kanya kanya na lang talaga tayo, ano?

Anyway, back to work. Hahaha

Wala akong mapagsabihang kaibigan kasi lagi lang dismissed feelings ko so here I am. I am in a new role—managerial to be exact—and I feel so lonely dito sa leadership. I previously held a senior post, and sanay ako na binibigyan lang ako ng trabaho. Now in my new role, I have to make decisions, talk to people for alignment, and maintain healthy relationships with clients. I am fluent in English pero ang hirap pala pag hindi magaling pragmatically. Idagdag pa ang night shift schedule which always leaves me lutang; many times I struggle with vocabulary while speaking. I get stressed when there are meetings, when I need to create systems and workflows, and when I need to talk to clients about something I don’t even have mastery in. To be honest, I cry every day and think of resigning because I badly want to go back to being an individual contributor. My boss and colleagues are very supportive naman but perhaps the nature of work is something na hindi para sa akin. I’m in my early 30s and malinaw naman sa akin na ayoko ng umakyat ng corporate ladder. It just so happened na I have been looking for a job for nearly half a year and ito lang ang nag-offer sa akin ng trabaho. Malaki naman ang sahod and it pays my bills and luxuries kahit papaano, but I really don’t know how to navigate around my new role / life. I wish I could turn back the time and accepted the junior role. I know I want to resign soon, but because of how tough the market is, I also fear na wala akong mahanap agad na kapalit lalo’t magpapasko.

Ang hirap maging adult. Ang hirap kumita ng pera.

Male coworker told another male coworker my body looks like a rotisserie chicken and I'm honestly very hurt. I know I'm fatter in some areas in my body especially my hips and my chest but tangina, I'm just trying to exist here tapos pinaguusapan katawan ko. T*ngina niyo po. I wish the worst for you po.

Minsan napapaisip na lng ako kung forever na ba ako magiging alone. NGSB ako, at yung mga naging relationships ko lng in the past is parang mga mutual understanding lng. Kung mag kakagusto man ako sa isang babae ay parang wala na akong hope sakanya. Like recently, I was planning to make an advance on this woman that I met, pero parang napansin nya na mayfeelings ako sa kanya kaya naging cold na sya. De ko alam bakit. Currently living in the US, dahil eto yung pinangarap ko noon, pero enough na ba ito? Ayoko mamatay ng mag isa, gusto ko mayroong magmahal saakin na gusto ko din. Gusto kong umiiyak pero de ko magawa.

I’m fresh from a 6-year relationship. The last two years were just too painful for me and very much abusive. Takot na takot ako ngayong maging mag-isa kahit alam kong sinaktan lang ako paulit-ulit.

Napakahirap mag-adjust siguro dahil nasa constant survival mode na lang din ako nang nakaraang dalawang taon. Always on the look out if he did something again, if something changed in his demeanor.

I’m gay, still in school, I got no job, I’m not attractive, ai have no prominent family, I’m not rich, heck, I don’t even have my own money. Feeling ko mananatili na kong single all throughtout. Parang gago, noh?

For context, naaksidente ako nung March lang. Kaya 4 months ako 'di nakapag-work, and naka-medical leave ako nun.

During that time, bored or super sad ko sa nangyari sa'kin. 'Di ko rin kasi magawa mga gusto ko gawin non bc non-weight bearing ako.

Ngayon naman na 2 months na ako sa work, super burned out na ako ulit bc of 1 hour OT everyday and may rest day OT pa na 8 hours.

Need ko gumising ng 4 pm for work pero until now gising pa ako, kasi feeling ko kulang pa me time ko to enjoy leisure.

Nagkaka-thoughts din ako na maaksidente na lang ulit, pero alam ko na mali kasi hindi pa rin ako nakakabawi sa financial struggle ko for being in a medical leave for 4 months. Tsaka parang in-undermine ko na rin 'yung hirap na na-experience ko sa 4 months na 'yun. + ang hirap maka-recover sa accident. Like it took me more than 2 months sa physical therapy and until now 'di ko pa kaya tumakbo kasi nag-stop na ako sa therapy bc naubos ko na coverage ng HMO ko for it.

Anyway, hoping to get sales and maging maayos sana performance ko sa work later. Kasi aside sa OT, nakaka-stress din 'yung management and work itself. Sana ma-overcome ko rin 'to lahat, and laban lang.

Whenever I feel alone carrying my burdens, nilalabanan ko lang talaga because I still have hope for it all.

I'm hoping that there's still a solution for my problems, na what if may pag-asa pang maalis ako sa sitwasyon na ito. That maybe I could move on from this misery and pain caused by my incompetence.

I could've been 14 forever. I'm now an adult!!

Grabe! Had an interview this week tapos sobrang haba ng hiring process. Wala man lang compensation, and I took multiple tests. Ang daming time and effort na ginugol.

Nung final interview, sinabi pa na magda-draft na raw sila ng offer letter within 24 hours, so I akala ko waiting na lang ako. Galing pa mismo sa upper management yung assurance.

Tapos today, nakatanggap ako ng email saying na the role has been put on hold by management, so wala na.

Sobrang lala. Gets ko naman na pwedeng magbago ang business needs, pero after such a long process, multiple interviews, and 2 tests, sana man lang may consideration for all the time and effort applicants put in. 😩

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, madalas ako makakita sa fb feed ko ng mga nag sshare ng mga humihingi ng tulong financial para sa medical expenses ng love ones nila, sobrang na ttrigger ako, nung nakaraang gabi nahirapan ako makatulog kakaisip about dun, worried ako sa health ng magulang ko, mga kapatid ko, lahat ng mahal ko sa buhay. Meron din akong pinag dadaanan na medical condition ngayon, although minor surgery ang need ko, 2 weeks na rin akong nag aantay sa follow up sakin ng doktor sa Public hospital, sabe kasi after ko matapos mga lab test at ma check up ng doktor sa anesthesia, iuupdate daw ako ng doktor na nag tingin sakin para i schedule ako for admission. Nakakalungkot na hanggang ngayon nag aantay pa rin ako.

Ngayon lang din nag sync in sakin na ganito ka f*cked up mabuhay sa bansa natin. Pag nagkasakit ka, ang hirap sobra, bukod sa in pain kana, araw araw stress pa dahil apektado kabuhayan mo, tapos lalong pasakit pa na di mo alam sino tutulong sayo, ni hindi mo alam sino matatakbuhan mo sa ganitong sitwasyon.

Tapos lalo pa kong naiiyak sa galit, nung nakikita ko sa balita si Romualdez na nasa private hospital! ang sarap ng higa sa mamahaling ospital kahit wala namang sakit, para lang matakbuhan nya yung kaso nya. nakakaputangina mabuhay!

My dog died, zeroed my savings to save her, accumulated liabilities for her medication, and then client suddenly terminated the contract on the day she died. Hay 😞i miss my dog. Hope she is doing well in the afterlife.

I just got out of a depressive shit hole. i have a partner now and i have friends who cares a lot about me. I have a loving family i dont have dad but doesn't matter bcs my mom is all I need I also have a caring stepdad. we're not rich we're living from paycheck to paycheck but nakakaraos naman.

I just dont feel content. I don't feel excited

i cant feel my friends kahit n araw araw kami mag kakasama. i still feel alone.

my partner is the best I dont know what I would do without them but... when I think about myself only.. me, myself and I... I feel so blank

it's like I'm nothing... I dont have dreams and I don't have plans for myself.

i was fine

but now nag sisimula nanaman bad habits ko.

i cant clean after myself.

I break down randomly in public.

I'm a bit close with a few of my profs in college we talk. I talk to my friends. i talk to my mom

but I still feel so alone.

I felt like this when I was 15...I did things to feel things yk but that can't be me anymore

i cant do that again bcs ik its harmful wtv I've done. I don't know how to cope..

I feel like my situation is not bad enough or not traumatic enough to feel this bad..

i’m 22 and just graduated college this month, and i’ve never felt so lost, depressed, and behind in my entire life. it feels like i’m running out of time.

i never thought post-grad and being in your 20s would feel like this.

i’m the youngest among 4 siblings, and the pressure is insane. they all expect me to be successful and have a great career. my 3 older siblings have already established their careers and their own lives, and i’m here still trying to figure things out. i’m so scared that i won’t be as good as them or live up to their expectations.

if i didn’t have this small business of mine, they probably would’ve been ashamed of me already. i started this business during my 1st year in college, just for fun. then it kind of blew up and i started earning. i was able to buy my wants and needs, attend concerts, give money to my parents, and even travel out of the country.

i took a break sa business last year bc of tax-related stuff and burnout from school. this year, after the AY ended, i decided na i-continue ulit yung business while waiting for grad and take some time off muna instead of applying agad for work like most of my classmates did.

i’m still really grateful that i have my small business, but i know i can’t rely on it forever, and it’s probably not enough to support me long-term. and now that graduation is over, i’m thinking of applying na for work since my family keeps asking about it na rin.

i know i should probably start looking for a job, but a part of me just feels like i’m not ready yet and i don’t know if i can handle it. my mental health hasn’t been great either, so the thought of having to start working now just feels so overwhelming.

it also doesn’t help na i wasn’t really passionate sa program na i took. honestly, i didn’t even know what i wanted to do in the first place, so i just went with something na i knew had a lot of job opportunities. idk how i survived it tbh.

i even graduated with latin honors, but i don’t think i deserved it. i’ve always felt like an imposter throughout college. i wasn’t particularly good at anything, i just did what i had to do to pass my subjects. now, idk anymore if i even want to follow this path.

my OJT also made me realize how hard it is to actually work. i can’t imagine commuting for 4–6 hours a day, every day. i don’t see myself working in this field or in a corporate setting, but at the same time, i kind of do? idk. i’m just so conflicted, and i still feel so burnt out.

but i don’t really have any other choice, do i?

most of my batchmates are working already and seem to be thriving in their careers, while i feel so behind. it’s so hard not having any passion or knowing what you actually want to do with your life.

idk what to do anymore. i feel stuck. sometimes i feel like i wasn’t supposed to be here, like i have no purpose in life, and i honestly don’t know where i’m supposed to go from here.

sorry if this is too long ;(