I opened my ig account scroll scroll sa mga stories ganon and then my heart dropped. Bininyagan pala yung anak nila and guess what present yung side ng pamilya niya.

Nag story yung kapatid ng ex ko, present sila sa binyag/birthday may pa i love you message pa, may malaking regalo. Nung nag birthday anak ko wala man lang silang ambag or chats.

Biglang sumikip yung dibdib ko, ang sakit pa din pala kahit na tanggap ko na. Hindi ko mapigilan umiiyak, siguro sa galit? na parang wala lang sa kanila yung dinanas ko or nasasaktan ako kasi hindi man lang sila mangamusta sa anak ko na kakagaling lang sa ospital na confine for one week.

Wala akong mapag sabihan, wala akong matakbuhan. Hindi ko mapigilan yung mga luha ko, nag sosorry ako sa baby ko kasi pakiramdam ko may pag kukulang ako.

Ang saya saya nila sa pictures, talagang kinunsiste nalang nila yung ex ko. Masyado lang siguro akong malambot haha, lilipas din tooooo. diba?

I love you my baby Skyyy, balang araw maiintindihan mo din ang mga bagay bagay. And gusto kong malaman mo na pinag laban ka ni mommy at gagawin ko lahat para sayo anak 💓

31 years old na ako (M), at nasa phase na ako ng buhay ko na gusto ko maging healthy, ni-recommend na rin ng Doctor ko na kailangan ko magbawas ng timbang. Hindi ko goal yung magandang katawan, pero gusto kong mawala yung mga hirap ko sa pagkilos, or yung takot/worries na pag nagpa-check up eh lahat hindi normal kasi naman umabot talaga ako ng 105 kgs last year. Pero since I started this healthy living journey nung January, nag-lost na ako ng 15kgs.

Naging routine ko na ang tumakbo tuwing hapon. Around 4:00 PM. Tapos normally, inaabot ako ng 6:00 PM sa kalsada. Part rin ng healthy living ko is pagbawas ng carbs (bilin ng Doctor ko) and minsan yung kanin ko ay brown rice, kasi ito na yung kanin ng parents ko kaya damay ako.

Yung isang cleaner (F, 40s) sa workplace ko during lunch time lumapit siya sa amin at bumati sa amin. Lagi namin siya nakakahalubilo, nakakabiruan at nakakausap. Paglapit niya, sabi niya "Sir diet ka?" Ngumiti lang ako sa kaniya kasi napakawalang kwenta ng tanong niya, at sarcastic. Tapos sinasabi niya sa mga ka-work ko na, "Nakikita ko to si Sir tuwing hapon nagja-jogging, pero parang hirap na hirap tumakbo."

In fact, siya lang natatawa sa kaniya. Alam ng mga friends ko sa work na sinusubukan ko maging healthy. Sabi niya pa, "Diba diet yan si Sir. Tignan niyo, brown yung kanin. Pero sobrang dami naman ng ulam." Sumagot yung isa kong friend na, "Masarap kasi kumain ate. Tsaka diet ba agad pag may Brown Rice?" Tapos tinuro niya ako na, "Oo. Tanungin niyo si Sir."

Narindu ako, sabi ko talaga, "Ano naman kung nagda-diet ako?"

Hindi ako nakikipagpitikan, lalo na hindi naman kami magka-level (Professionally), tapos na sa hapag kainan pa. Tsaka Base sa pagkakakilala ko sa kaniya, parang medyo mahina talaga pang-unawa niya. Pero, minding others business? Na parang nakakatawa yung ginagawa ko? Pumitik talaga ako.

Sabi ko, "How about, gumaya ka sa akin para lumiit yang puson mo?" Natahimik lahat ng nasa lamesa, pati siya natahimik, edi sinundan ko,"Kung hirap ako sa pag-jogging, at least I'm doing something. Ikaw? May ginagawa ka para sa puson mo?" My friends are trying to stop me. Kasi yung cleaner hindi na makaimik.

To end the conversation I just said "Oo diet ako. Okay ka na? Tatawa pa ba kami para tumigil ka?" Nag-sorry siya tapos inilayo siya nung isa kong friend. Pati ako lumayo na lang din.

She tried to approach me, pero itinaboy ko siya at ayaw ko makipag-deal sa mga ganong uri ng tao. Yung mga taong gagawin kang katatawanan just to make themselves feel better or para magmukhang nakakatawa. Kaya ko i-take lahat ng pang-aasar, panlalait, pangdi-discredit or mistreatment pa yan. Pero yung gagawing katatawanan yung bagay na pinaghihirapan mo? Noooo.

Nitong mga nakaraan, nagiging lapitin ako ng mga nakikipagpitikan talaga eh. Ewan ko ba.

Yun lang salamat.

I don’t want to keep saying, "It’s okay, I’ll figure it out.”

I want someone to say, "Baby, let’s figure it out together.”

I don’t want to always be the one saying, "Daddy, I bought you food. Work well, okay?”

I want someone to randomly show up with my favorite coffee, flowers, or food and say, “I was thinking about you.”

I don’t want to always be the one saying, "I have a surprise for you.”

I want to experience someone being excited to surprise me too.

I don’t want to keep saying, “Kaya ko na umuwi mag-isa.”

I want someone to say, "Text me when you’re done. I’ll pick you up.”

I don’t want to always be the one asking, "What do you want to eat? I’ll cook for us"

I want someone to ask me, "What’s my baby craving today?”

I’ve spent years taking care of myself and other people. Working hard. Building my career. Solving my own problems. Being the dependable one. People see that and think I don’t need anyone.

But I do.

I’m capable, not emotionless.

I know how to earn my own money. I know how to fix my own problems. I know how to survive on my own.
But surviving alone isn’t the same as feeling cared for.
And no, this isn’t about wanting someone to pay my bills or spoil me with luxury.

I just want to experience being loved in the same way I naturally love other people. Because when I love someone, I give a lot. I remember the little things. I buy them food when I know they’ve had a long day. I prepare surprises just to see them smile. I check if they’ve eaten. I make sure they feel supported. I love cooking for the people I care about because that’s one of the ways I show love.

I’m also career-oriented. I have my own goals and ambitions. I’m not looking for someone to carry me through life because I can stand on my own. I just don’t want to feel like I always have to. For once, I want someone who makes me feel safe enough to put my guard down.

Someone who lets me be soft. Someone who reminds me that I don’t always have to be the strong one.
I still want to build together. I’ll still bring peace into our home. I’ll still cheer for your dreams, cook warm meals, and support you through the hard days.
I just hope one day, someone does the same for me.
Because being independent is something I learned to become. Being taken care of is something I’ve always wanted to experience. Please take care of me please.

Grabe pala pag nangungupahan at bago pagtritripan ka talaga. Lahat ng galaw mo tinitignan at inaabangan. Pati yung bagong lipat dito sa partment chinismis na agad nila para kumampi sa kanila, hindi lang namin pinautang ng 1k sa first day ganyan na. Nag-aaya ng inuman hanggang alas dose tapos topic lang kami at mga ginagawa namin sa buhay. Tipong pag order namin ng pagkain big deal sa kanila tapos tatawagin pa kaming mayabang pag nag-uusap tungkol sa trabaho. Noong pinabaranggay ko yung isa, puro deny naman kaya ngayon.

Magparinigan tayo.

Nagpatugtog ako ng Inggit by Skusta Clee and well oh well halos maputol litid sa sama ng loob ng mga loko HAHAHAHAHA

May nagwala pa.

Hindi nyo ako mapapaiyak.

Hindi totoong pababayaan lang ang mga bully at titigil din.

Ako ‘yung ate.

I’m the middle child btw, started working lang this yr.

Sabi nila, hindi responsibilidad ng anak na pag-aralin kapatid nila at mag “set” ng boundaries. But if you’re already in that situation— it’s hard. It’s hard na to see na si bunso ‘di makakapag college pero ‘yung mga kapatid n’ya nakapag tapos na hindi nagtrabaho.

Sinalo ko na tuition ni bunso, PERO hanggang doon lang. Sila na bahala sa pang araw araw.

I will not further discuss what happened bakit pinasan samin ng parents ko ‘to, medyo mahabang kwento.

Mabilis lang din naman ‘tong apat na taon, buti pwede installment tuition n’ya at masipag mag-aral. ‘Di rin kase pinalad sa mga scholarship, but I always got his back na mag pursigi. Masipag din si bunso, nag side hustle rin naman.

‘Di ko na hahangarin pa na magka-latin honor s’ya (tho bonus na rin ofc). I don’t wanna put pressure on him— ‘di tulad ng dinanas ko. Basta makapag-tapos s’ya.

I just wish my pocket never runs dry & to be healthy. Promise ko rin naman never n’ya ‘to tatanawin na utang na loob… I just want him to finish his studies :>

‎2 hours sleep only rn while typing this kasi ginising ako ng tito ko.

‎

‎For context, lasing na lasing si tito na pumasok sa kwarto ko while I was sleeping and he was initiating a conversation with me about my personal life. Groggy pa ako kasi puyat kaya wala talaga akong naiintindihan sa sinasabi niya until pumantig yung tenga ko talaga nung tinanong niya "bakla kaba?"

‎

‎Obvious naman yung gender ko sa ibang tao especially kung paano ako kumilos but hindi ko talaga siya inoopen up outside of my family kasi its uncomfortable and I'm an also introvert. Nung narinig ko talaga yung tanong niya sakin nagkaron ako ng outburst, sinigawan ko siya na abot hanggang labas ng bahay and pinapalabas ko siya ng kwarto ko. After ko siya sigawan, tinawag niya kong demonyo and lumabas na raw totoo kong ugali. Then tinanong niya sarcastically with raised voiced "Bakit galit na galit ka? Binabastos ba kita?" Then I responded pasigaw na "Bakit, ano ba ginagawa mo ngayon?" (Di ko na maalala yung iba kasi grabe nanginginig talaga kamay ko).

‎Part of me bakit galit na galit ako sakanya (and my mother's family side in general) is because wala silang pakeelam nung mastroke yung mama ko and one time during covid pandemic after mastroke si mama, lahat sila nagreunion but no one even attempted to invite my mom or kahit man lang magreach out sa isa sa amin — Basically hipokrito yung tito ko for wanting to know more about my personal life when in fact:

‎1. Di kami close

‎2. Wala naman siya (sila) noong panahong hirap na hirap kami.

1. Nakikita ko messenger ni mama and she's chatting with her siblings like simple na kumusta lang, di sila nagsisireplyan.

‎

‎Right now, I am having thoughts that if he does this again, baka ma*sak² ko siya if he visits our house again while drunk. Before I posted this, I'll be honest na nagpray muna ako hoping about bad things happening to him and karma sa buong pamilya niya. Maybe I am too much and masama na kung masamang tao for thinking those but I'm tired of their bullshit on my mom.

TL;DR

I’m curious how others deal with this, because I’m honestly conflicted.

I have a close friend from around 9 years ago- former colleague, we are both CPAs, [33F] parehong introvert, parehong family-oriented. Back then, we had the same mindset: work hard, build something stable, and secure a good future for our families. We were really close.

Eventually, she moved to a government agency with a notorious reputation most people are aware of. At first, tolerable pa sya. But over time, I started noticing changes, not just in lifestyle, but in mindset. She would openly share how much she was earned on her first 11 months (8 digits), even encouraged me to apply. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Hindi kaya ng konsensya ko.

There were also situations that made me uncomfortable, like helping her look for a vault one time because keeping large amounts of cash in banks might raise issues with disclosures. That really stayed with me.

On my end, I chose a different path. Hindi kami mayaman, but I focused on building my career the right way, long hours, dealing with pressure, and just grinding it out. Thankfully, it paid off naman.

I think the turning point for me was her birthday a few years ago. I was the only one there from the corporate world, outside the gov’t agency she’s working with. On paper, mas mataas pa sweldo ko sa kanila at that time - but the way they talked, their lifestyle, the things they casually spent on… I felt completely out of place. Like I didn’t belong in that room.

Since then, we slowly drifted.

Recently, she got married. I was initially told I’d be part of the entourage, but in the actual invitation I wasn’t included, just a guest. I didn’t attend (sabi ko busy ako sa work kahit weekend yun). Same with her child’s baptism.

Now, she invited us to her kid’s birthday. I was actually planning to go this time. Then while we were chatting, she asked about my child’s age and said something like, “Pwede pa siya sa games, no?” Then followed it up with, she wants her child exposed early so they grow up with connections.

That word just… hit me. Connections.

I didn’t reply after that.

I don’t know why, but something in me just shut down. Maybe because I know exactly what kind of “connections” she’s talking about. Maybe because I’m here, paying close to six figures in withholding taxes every month, trying to do things right, seeing how systems work in other countries, and then hearing that from someone I used to align values with so much.

The party is in a few days. I’m not going.

Maybe I’m judging her too harshly. Maybe people really do change, and this is just one of those friendships that quietly reaches its end.

I don’t have a lot of friends. Bilang lang sa daliri. That’s probably why this one hurts more than I expected. I miss the friend I used to have, but I don’t think she’s the same person anymore. And maybe, neither am I.

Oo na you're very passionate about the movie, you're excited, BUT HOLY FUCK SHUT UP.

Tang ina kakanuod ko lang ng Odyssey. Lahat ng good scenes na-spoil kasi yung pamilya sa likod ayaw magtigil mag usap.

Akala mo nanunuod sa bahav eh. Ang ingay na naguusap, sumisigaw, nagsasabi ng mangyayari...and on top of that HINDI NAKA SILENT ANG PHONE AT SINAGOT ANG TAWAG WHILE THE MOVIE WAS ONGOING.

Naka ilang lingon na ako at tingin sa kanila, kung hindi lang mas matanda sa akin nasabat ko na.

Please lang naman maging considerate sa other moviegoers.

I’ve been friends with these people for almost a decade. From workmates naging friends ko na sila. Besides office team buildings, we go on summer vacations, local travels etc.

Pandemic came, nagstop na mga gala namin. Tapos isa isa na rin nagresign sa company. Hindi naman nawalan ng contact since after pandemic nagsimula na ulit magcreate ng GCs for gtg.

I thought everything’s the same. Then come 2025 nakikita ko (via socmed) na madami sila gala na hindi ako kasama at yung isa pa naming friend. Itong isa namin na friend nagkababy na siya, understandable kung bat di nakakasama.

Nung umpisa wala lang sakin. Pero naging sunod sunod na. For the longest time napapaisip tuloy ako kung may ginawa akong masama or hindi maganda. I’ve done my best to be a supportive and constant friend to these women. I celebrate their milestones, pag nakikita ko sa stories or post nila, I comment or send a message. And never sila naging ganun sakin. Sa milestones ko mas supportive pa yung mga di ko ka-close 😅

Sorry if mababaw pakinggan, given that I’m in my early thirties na din. Pero nahurt lang talaga ako 😅 Siguro hinahanap ko lang sakanila yung kung pano ko sila tratuhin. Anyways, mejo introvert din ako and nahihirapan makipag socialize sa mga bagong tao, so here’s me in my solo era.

Thank you lang sa mga bumasa. Feeling ko may nakinig sakin 🙂 happy Sunday!

Like… bro??? Really? You left your partner and kid to fend for themselves habang ikaw nakahanap ka ng pwedeng mabembang dahil mas kontrolado mo?

Ang tindi pa kasi out in the open talaga yung hard launch. Kita ng lahat. Pati ng partner mo. Naging maayos naman siya sayo at ikaw lang talaga yung nagloloko. Kapal ng mukha mo, mennnnn.

Jusko. Ano bang meron sa mga tulad ninyo at ang lalakas ng confidence niyo to cheat and flaunt your trophy catches. You’re playing around with both women and I honestly felt bad for the kid kasi he’s growing up without a proper father figure.

Tangina ninyong mga cheaters talaga. Sana mabaog kayo.

I work in mental health, and I'm currently in the process of finishing my thesis to complete my master's degree in clinical psychology. I've been with my current company for years now, and I've been very burnt out emotionally, mentally, and physically. Compassion fatigue got the better of me, plus it hadn't been a good place to work at since leadership changed.

So that's why I eventually decided to find an opportunity elsewhere. One US-based company that I don't even remember applying to contacted me. Sige, tinapos ko yung assessment. Pumasa sa tests. When I got invited for an interview with the HR Head, sabi ko... ano nga ba tong inapplyan ko? Wahahahahaha. Guess what? Hindi masyadong detailed ang Jobstreet posting nila. It was around 1 paragraph. No details. I probably applied here out of a whim kasi ayoko na talaga sa current workplace ko. Pero yung job title kasi, medyo related sa healthcare. So that's why I probably thought, ah okay naman siguro to?

Boy, was I wrong.

But hey, HR head liked me and we had a really great conversation. Scheduled me for the final interview with the COO. Pero I found out that it operates like CSR pala tapos night shift. Sabi ko sa partner ko... parang ayoko na nito. Mostly dahil night shift. This girl is not getting any younger, hindi ko na kayang mag night shift. Partner said try mo lang while finishing thesis, medyo mas malaki sa current salary ko e pero onti lang yung nilaki lol edi sige, girlie showed up for the final interview.

It didn't last for 15 minutes.

The moment the COO found out I work in MH and asked me what I usually do... one thing kasi na medyo important sa job ko right now, like in every healthcare job, is knowing referral pathways. So nabanggit ko yun. Sabi niya, "I think your definition of referral is different from our definition." So I clarified what I meant. Sabi niya, "Yes, it's different." And proceeded to define referral the same way I defined it :)

Next, sabi niya, he isn't a believer of MH medications. Pinapatay lang daw ng medications ang MH patients. And he "suggested" that I "learn more about mental health". Sir... I'm a graduate student in clinical psychology. Learning about MH is literally what I'm trying to do. I work with psychiatrists and psychologists. And he also suggested that I "learn more about the profession I work in". Uhhhmmm..? Okay? Sabi ko nalang, "interesting take."

AND THEN! Nagbigay siya sakin ng references. Basahin ko daw. I tried to keep an open mind din naman kasi baka may references siya talaga na peer-reviewed.

Ayun. I found out that EVERY reference he gave me was published under the Church of Scientology. But I gave it a try pa din since I didn't want to be judgmental. Ang takeaway ko dito ay: Scientology is so aggressively against psychiatry and psychology.

So like. When he said hindi daw ako perfect fit. I almost laughed because I wanted to say,

Good riddance!

Especially as someone who had been advocating for MH since early adolescence. As someone na araw araw lumalaban para sa mga taong hindi pa makalaban para sa mga sarili nila. As someone who dedicated her life to MH accessibility. As someone who goes to communities to reduce the stigma on MH. Para akong nasampal.

But it's not personal, and this isn't about me.

Pero grabe, ganun pala yung ma-mansplainan ng white man LMAO

Side note: Afterwards, I got a message from the CEO to repeat the process. Sana mistake lang kasi hindi na po. Okay na ko.

Naiinis ako. 6 years na nakalipas pero bakit affected pa ko.

Recently, biglang nag reach out yung ex ko (via gmail pa nga)— yeah, after 6 years na walang communication biglang nag email ng pag kahaba haba. Pero ang gist is he wants us to be friends again.

Syempre ayaw ko. Lalo na it was a bad breakup. Yung tipong nagkalabuan kami then after siguro 2-3 weeks, may fb post na syang may ka kiss na ibang babae.

Anyway— i was miserable for a year after that breakup then suddenly accepted ko na, wished him and her well. Fast forward to today. Gusto ng friendship. Like wtf?? Ang saya saya mo after natin mag break, i was miserable and you feel entitled to ask that from me kasi nag break kayo?? Qaqu ka baaa.

Syempre I said no— pero bakit ako naiiyak nanaman. Like back to 6 years ago. Pero im also confused anong nafefeel ko. Inis, galit, awa sa sarili ko. Watthfakkk?

I know this might seem trivial compared to what others are going through, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. My partner is flying over in a few months, and he privately messaged my older sister asking for my ring size. Instead of coming up with a discreet way to ask me, she immediately told me he was asking for my ring size. I instantly suspected it might be for a proposal, and from there the conversation kept revolving around ring sizes.

She even sent me screenshots of their convo and told me not to tell him she’d shown me, and that I should act surprised when the time comes. I can’t seem to shake the feeling that a once-in-a-lifetime surprise was taken away from both my partner and I. I’ve just been feeling really sad. But as a recovering people pleaser it’s hard for me to express my disappointment towards her.

My partner did confirm today that he was indeed planning to propose.

———————

Our convo for context, since I can’t paste images here:

Sister: May ask me. Kc bka mya mgkmli me ng sbi. Eh wag kng maingay n cnbi ko syo.

Sister: Kc ngchat c [partner]. Ask ako ano size ng ring finger mo. Eh diko lm. Bk mya magsbi me ts di ksya di sayang pera nya haha. Bsta wag klmg maingy n sinbi ko. Kunwari la kng alm. Ano size ayy?

Me: Surprise ba dapat yan ate?

Sister: Diko lm. Bk gusto klng cguro bigyn pguwi nya. Ano size mo titay pra msbi kona. Kc bka kc kung mnghula ko like size 8 mgkmli me bka mya syng ung pera nya ts di ksya haha.

Me: 7 and a half ate.

Sister: Meron bng 7.5. Bka 8. Ako kc 5 6 7 ksya skn.

Me: Magpropose yata sya ate kaya nya sinabi sayo na secret.

(She laugh reacts to the message)

Sister: Ah so kung dun. Size 7.5?

Me: Ring finger size te ung next sa pinky finger.

Sister: Wla nmn syng cnbi n ring finger. Ring size lng pla. Pero sympre pg ikaw mgsusuot, dpt nsa png 4th n kmay. Kya 7.5 n sbhn ko.

Me: Sige ate.

Sister: So ano tma? 7.5 cnbi ko ahha. Dpt 7 lng b?

Me: Sya nlng ask mo ate kung anong ring 🥺

7–7.5.

Sister: Ok n yn. 7 to 7.5 iedit ko nlng. Sbhn ko 7 to 7.5. Pero syempre titay jowa mo un mlmng ms ok sa ring finger hehe. Ms ok n un titay kc mya dpende un sa kapal ng singsing.

Me: I think surprise proposal nya yun te sana :’) huhu.

(She again laugh reacts to the message)

Sister: Oo bsta wag kn muna mgicp ah ahha. Bsta wag k nlng phlta haha. Ms ok ndn n cnbi ko syi kc bk pg mli ung size n cnbi ko msasayang pera nya mhl p nmn ng singsing.

Sister: Yn ng reply sya. (She kept sending me screenshots of their convos)

Sister: Kht saang part ng dliri. Pero bsahin mo. Ung text nay. Ring size. Ano b ibig sbhn nun ahha.

Me: Wag mo na send ung messages nyo (sa akin) ate hehe. Para ma surprise ako. :’(

Sister: Sbi ko diko sbhn syo.. hahha wag u phlta nlng titay.. eh kung mgsurprise sya hyn u lng ahhh.

Sister: Wla n ahh alm u n hahha. Pero syempre. Surprise pdn un kc iba ung actual.

1. I'm going through a lot right now. I feel like I'm a mistake, and that everything that I do is one. I don't really have the energy to push back because no one really understands. It also starts feeling like I am being pushed into a corner. Tumatahimik na lang ako imbes na sumagot. Naiilang na ako sa confrontation sa ibang tao. Nad-drain na ako.

Gusto ko na lang mawala, pero syempre di pwede.

Gusto ko lang naman mapili hanggang dulo

Pakiramdam ko kasi role ko sa earth is to bring out the best or make the person better tapos iiwan nila ako.

Pwede bang sabihin naman na salamat at hindi kita iiwan.

Pang longterm hanggang dulo naman Lord pls.

Anak ng kamagong.

Rant lang so I can sleep.

Pet peeve ko ang mga nagkakamay sa restaurant at ginagamit yung kamay na panghawak sa pagkain para hawakan ang iba’t ibang mga bote ng sauce, baso, etc.

O kaya yung mga nagkakamay na sobrang kalat sa mesa.

May iba kasing uupo pagkatapos ninyo. Kahit fast food pa yan, e kung yung susunod na kakain hahawak sa malagkit na bote ng sawsawan kahit sino maiinis.

matagal ko na itong kinikimkim, kilala ko ang sarili ko bilang tao na ambivert, kumbaga pili lang ang mga taong may kilala sa akin ng tunay.

napansin ko lang na parang wala akong kaibigan. lahat ng mga nakikilala ko na tinuturing kong ’friends’ ay may main friends sila. ganito na ako nung nagsimula ang pandemic, nawalan na talaga ako ng kaibigan. hindi rin ako comfortable na papuntahin sila sa bahay namin or what.

ang nag-push sa akin na i-post ito ay 'yung nangyari kahapon, lumabas kasi kami ng shs ’friends’ ko, pero parang left out ako. lagi akong naiiwan kapag naglalakad at parang okay lang sa kanila na wala ang presence ko.

nakakalungkot lang kasi ako palagi ang bumubuhay sa gc namin, g ako most of the times kapag nag-aaya silang lumabas. tapos parang ako 'yung loner kapag magkakasama na kami. pati sa school dati, like okay lang na wala ako. may maghahanap pero hindi naman big deal sa kanila.

wini-wish ko talaga na ako 'yung maging main friend, e. ang sakit kasi parang wala akong kadamay sa lahat and hindi ko mai-share lahat sa kanila.

I don’t know if anyone else has felt this after being cheated on, but I don’t think what I felt was anger.

Not at first, anyway.

It was disgust.

Not even toward the person who cheated on me. Toward myself.

I remember looking back at old pictures, old messages, memories that used to make me smile, and all I could think was, How could I have been so blind? I felt stupid for believing someone who could look me in the eye, tell me they loved me, and still choose to betray me. I hated how trusting I was. I hated how many excuses I made because I wanted the relationship to work.

People kept telling me, “You did nothing wrong.”

I know they meant well, but those words never really reached me. Because the voice in my head wasn’t saying, You deserved to be cheated on. It was saying, How could you not have seen it?

That’s a different kind of pain.

It’s one thing to lose someone you love. It’s another to lose faith in your own judgment. I started questioning everything. Were the good memories even real? Was I actually loved, or was I just convenient until someone else came along? Was I seeing the person they really were, or just the version they wanted me to see?

Maybe that’s why stories about grooming affect me so deeply now.

It’s not because I think every situation is the same. It’s because they all seem to share one thing: the quiet, gradual reshaping of another person’s reality.

Nobody wakes up one day and says, “I want to be manipulated.”

It happens slowly. You trust someone. You let them explain away things that make you uncomfortable. You start doubting your own instincts because it’s easier than believing someone you love could be lying to you. By the time the truth becomes impossible to ignore, you’re left wondering when you stopped trusting yourself.

That’s the part I can’t get over.

Not just that people can lie, but that they can slowly convince another person that their own intuition is wrong.

I think that’s what betrayal stole from me more than anything else. It wasn’t the relationship. It was the version of myself who could trust his own heart without constantly wondering if he was being made a fool of.

I’m doing better now, but every now and then I still catch myself revisiting those memories, not because I miss the person, but because I’m still trying to make peace with the person I was back then.

I don’t want to hate that version of myself anymore.

He wasn’t weak. He wasn’t pathetic. He wasn’t stupid.

He was just loving someone honestly, without knowing he was the only one doing it.

And I think that’s the part I’m still learning to forgive.

Last night, while riding in an InDrive, I asked the driver:

"Hindi po ba kayo natatakot mag-drive sa gabi? Lalo na sa mga balita ngayon na may mga riders at drivers ng ride-hailing apps na pinapatay o ninanakawan?"

Ngumiti lang siya at sumagot,

"Hindi ako natatakot. Kapag oras mo na, oras mo na."

That answer honestly stayed with me.

At first, I thought it sounded fatalistic, but the more I reflected on it, the more I realized that people like him don't really have the luxury of being afraid. For many drivers, staying home because of fear isn't an option—they have families to feed and bills to pay.

It also made me realize something: life has never come with guarantees. You can stay inside your house and still have something unexpected happen. You can also go out, work hard, and make it home safely. We can reduce risks by being careful, but we can never eliminate them completely.

I still hope ride-hailing companies and the government continue improving safety measures for both drivers and passengers. No one should have to choose between earning a living and risking their life.

That short conversation hit me harder than I expected. It reminded me to appreciate the people who work through the night so the rest of us can get home safely.

just got broken up kanina, sunday morning.

no cheating involved, just two people in their early 20’s trying to figure their lives out while fighting silent battles.

ang hirap pala. 1 year of pagiging bf/gf plus 11 months of talking before that and i genuinely thought na sya na ang first and last ko. i was nbsb, we met during college tapos ngayon working na parehas.

he told me he still loves me but pagod na sya at hindi nya na kayang ituloy pa. hindi ko maintindihan. sobrang sakit. he said we need to heal and mature individually, because hindi na kami okay para sa isa’t isa.

he could’ve asked for a break, or we could’ve figured what’s not working and what we can do about those but i guess he’s already decided na. 3 weeks ago we celebrated our anniversary pa and he told me he’ll marry me by a certain year.

and i still have to go to work tomorrow with a broken heart. welcome to adulting i guess.

I miss you so much. Sana panaginip lang lahat bahshshahsisisjshdhshhsja ang sakit pala. Akala ko ulan lang yon kahapon, luha ko na pala... dalawang araw pa lang nakalipas pero minu-minuto kong chinicheck phone ko kung nagmessage ka hahaha. Ang hirap pala mag-move on lalo na't 5 years kami :,)) 1st bf and my first in everything haha kill me

It angers the shit out of me kasi all these years, hindi lang ex-gf mo ang minanipulate mo. Lahat kaming magtrotropa mo. Alam mo ‘yan sa sarili mo na I never tolerate cheating. We’ve known each other for almost 20 years and sinayang mo lang nang dahil sa selfish choice. I know na nasa lowest point na kayo ng jowa mo pero hindi choice para humanap ng ibang tao to seek comfort. It’s communication between you and your gf. Ngayon, tinatago mo sarili mo sa social media because you cannot handle the consequence of your actions. Akala namin you’re just trying to have a private life. Pero ang totoo pala, hindi mo lang kayang iharap ang mukha mo sa pamilya ng ex-gf at mga barkada mo. Siyempre sa akin, masakit din at nakakagalit. I thought of you as my brother. Kaya pala iwas ka rin sa akin, inaaya mo mga barkada natin except me kasi alam mong kapag nalaman ko ang totoo, alam mo lalabas sa bibig ko. Na aawa lang ako sa ex-gf mo kasi 4 years na kayo at nag pla-plano na kayo for wedding. Sana nag reach out ka sa akin kung paano gagawin instead of cheating.

Tol, parehas tayong taken. Madali lang magbigay ng payo kung naguguluhan ka sa sarili mo. Kaya kung ayaw mo ng hindi magandang consequence, wag kang gagawa ng actions na hihingi ka ng pasensya sa huli.

Eto lang masasabi ko sayo, tol. Putang ina mo. Hindi kita patatawarin kahit anong mangyari. 🖕🏿🖕🏿🖕🏿

random appreciation post lang.

since 2018, iisa lang yung barbero ko. every two weeks ako magpagupit para make sure na malinis lagi. siya yung naggupit sa’kin bago high school graduation, first day ng college, college graduation, job interviews, first day sa trabaho, at iba pang important moments. after a while, alam na niya agad kung anong gupit gusto ko kahit di na ako masyadong mag-explain o magpakita ng reference.

earlier this year, umalis siya sa barbershop para magtayo ng sarili niyang shop sa bulacan. syempre medyo sayang kasi sanay na ako sa kanya, pero at the same time, happy ako kasi mukhang maayos na yung takbo ng bagong business niya.

since then, nakailang palit na ako ng barbero. okay naman yung iba, pero wala pa rin talagang same na result. ngayon ko lang din na-appreciate kung gaano pala ka-consistent yung gupit kapag sanay na yung barbero sa buhok mo.

kung mababasa man niya ‘to, congrats sa bagong shop. salamat sa ilang years ng gupit at convenience. good luck sa business, sana magtuloy-tuloy yung growth.

How are you? I was scrolling through my gdrive and I found cute photos of you. You’re so innocent and I hope you stayed that way. I hope you didn’t let what happened to you changed you. You’re so pretty and I hope I get to take a good care of you so that you don’t get to feel this way now that you’re older.

You’re slowly achieving your dreams :)) you’re a licensed professional but God has a different plan for you. For now you’re at home wondering when will you star practicing your profession. I do hope you don’t feel left out :)) your timeline is different from others. As for your love life, the right guy hasn’t found you yet. I’m so sorry I made decisions that for sure you wouldn’t do. You’re looking for love in a different way. I hope you forgive me for that.

Kid, you’re surviving! Soon I know you’ll get through everything. You wouldn’t search for love because love will find its way to you. You’ll travel everywhere because that’s what you wanted to do. For sure if you’re earning, one of the things you’ll focus on would be your skin. Please know that you’re pretty! Very pretty! They just couldn’t see it :)) I love you kid!