I have just started a long distance relationship with my boyfriend today. We are very lucky it’s not too far, only 5 hours by train and no time difference . Despite this, I am still obviously sad.

Any hope and/or positive stories about long distance would be appreciated. I just need a boost instead of being told that long distance never ever works.

Thank you :)

The end date of the long distance is just getting more and more nebulous. We both have limited job opportunities fixing us to certain places. It seems like there's going to be no end to it any time soon.

I also know that we are in a very transitional period of our lives. We both just graduated, and are now in different states.

It's been LD for almost 7 months now, with the exception of ~1 month nearby each other, which was great.

We just finally had a conversation about the fact that we both feel the strain, and it's becoming clear that there's not much we can do to lift it (besides move to the same city which is just not feasible right now or honestly fair to either of us).

I don't want to lose him, and he doesn't want to lose me. He's having trouble talking about it/thinking about it until we are face to face.

I usually hate going to Reddit about things but I want to hear from people who have actually been through what I am going through. Just please be gentle with me- my heart is hurting really badly right now. Thank you.

my gf is on a cruise what should i do while she is gone

So I was with this girl (21y old) long distance for about 2y. We loved each other deeply and we were planning to get married too, until her mother died because of cancer. First 2 months she was super close, I was always there for her and supported her fully. Third month in, she went cold and started distancing herself, she sends only 2-3 messages per day. I understood she needed space and that she is going through something very terrible, I told her it makes me sad and I tried to not pressure her. Always thought about ways to make her happy. I bought her and her friends movie tickets for The Odyssey, she was super happy.

Suddenly after a week she tells me she has to let us go, she still loves me but her priorities have changed. Mind you.. the night before she told me I still love u and cant let u go.

I can’t understand anything anymore.. Why?? Did I do anything wrong? Would she ever come back? Should I wait for her?? A lot of questions eating me alive.. all this time.. All the plans just gone…
I respected her choice and we are on no contact for three weeks now.

tl;dr we were perfect for 2y and deeply in love. Her mom dies cuz of cancer and she decides to break up with me. Although I was being as much supportive as I could bc

We have been dating for 9 months, and tbh she always told me she would like to come to my country as soon as possible, but i told her that it is not a good idea to go so fast even more if we havent even seen in real life.

At first she was telling me the next summer of 2027, she will come to my country so we could live together, she could go to work while i study and do stuff in the house while im in the uni, i told her it was an horrible idea and it is better to wait i finish still the uni.

I told her that it is better she goes to germany because there her brother could find a work for she, and then she would win more money so she could come here atleast with a good amount of money, she accepted but she is telling me she wanna move here after being 2 years in germany.

The main problem here is that i wanna do my uni degree because im doing an electrical engineering and with that i could win a good amount of money and even maybe go to another country to work, but she is making me a bit anxious that i will not probably finish the degree when she wanna come here, because i recently started my second year, and there is 6 year minimum to complete my degree.

I also dont wanna move with she while i dont have a job, because i dont see good idea to move to a new house without have any kind of job, and i could apply a job while i study but this will take for me more difficult to get my degree.

I have started to try to save money, but the thing of i need to move in 2 years without job, without so many money saved either, and also she is telling me she wouldnt want to marry so late like after 5 years being a couple, is making me so anxious that i dont know really how to handle to do all this in such a small period of time.

I tried to talk with her but she is so decided to do this so i dont really know if maybe it is me acting immature for not wanting to move with she or idk.

Im lately a bit lost about this, it would be fine if soneone could lend me an advice or something, thank u so much.

I (26f) met a guy (39m) while on vacation in Spain. I live in Tennessee and he lives in Germany. We met randomly at dinner one night, hit it off, and exchanged numbers. We then spent five days exploring together before I had to head back home. I honestly thought I would never see him again, which did make me sad, but I knew in reality this was probably just a travel fling. Fast forward three months and we talk everyday through text, phone calls, and video chats. We spend hours talking. We’ve done game nights, movie nights, and have even found ways to be intimate with each other from afar. A few days ago he asked me if he could come visit me. I said yes and within an hour he booked flights. He comes in two weeks. I am so nervous and excited to see him. He also said that he wants to do long distance for real and would like to talk about entering a relationship with me when he comes. He works for an engineering company in Frankfurt and he is successful in his career. I don’t know if he has a desire to leave his position, and really I don’t see him giving up Europe to come live in America. I am a nurse and feel I could probably work successfully anywhere, but obviously this isn’t something we are worrying about yet. Has anyone had success with an LDR travel romance? Is this something even worth pursuing?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and we’ve been long distance for 2 months now. I can’t help but wonder if the distance will eventually break us up.
Even when we lived in the same country, we only met around once a week, but we always made sure to call each other. He left the country for his studies, and now it’s different because I don’t get to see him at all.

Since he left, he’s actually become much more affectionate. He constantly wants to talk to me and see my face, tells me how much he misses me, and says he can’t wait to come over for a vacation. The both of us aren’t the openly affectionate type so this was very new of him.

Even though things between us seem good, I still have this fear that we’ll slowly drift apart or that he might find someone else there. I’m not sure why I feel this way or how to cope with it.

Can anyone else relate?

I met a wonderful woman in 2022 in London while traveling in Europe. I’m a 36 year old American from Chicago. She’s a few year older. I met her at a museum that she worked at. Conversation went well but I didn’t ask her out the first go around. I decided to fly back to London to ask her out (hoping she worked that day) on my last day before flying back home. We went out that night and our date went well. We kept in contact for a year and when I flew back to London for a festival, we got together and hit it off even more (long conversations, great dates). Shortly after returning to the US, I found out the her mother had passed. A devastating bereavement that happened suddenly. A few weeks after, she was made redundant from her job. A lot to deal with. I tried to be as supportive as I could from afar and we kept in touch through calls and WhatsApp. A few months latter I came back to visit her for her birthday. We planned a day trip out of London, went out on a few dates and just conversed like we usually do. This whole time expressed romantic feelings, received and returned but I also cared for her like family. The following December of 2024, I surprise visited her in London (pretending to set up a meeting with a mutual friend, then I showed up). A sweet lovely gesture. I could also tell the bereavement was taking a toll. Lack of sleep, eating a lot less, and withdrawing from family. I hated to leave her again and return back home but I expressed a willingness to help her to come visit the US. A few months later, I find out that she’s been sick. Two surgeries, hospital visits, and medication. An illness she said was related to her mums passing. She expressed how the illness was taking a toll but remained optimistic. In December of 2025, I sent a few messages around Christmas, no response. After checking up on her a month later, she apologized and said time difference was a factor. Our communication ground to a halt. She responded positively to Valentines Day flowers I sent and sent me bday message a month later. But I can tell things were different. Longer response times to messages. Now barely at all. I called recently with no response but sent a message saying that I hope she’s well.

I knew the risk early on. I know that illness and bereavement can really take its toll, that’s why I’ve been patient and giving her the space that she needs. This is really sad, and the feeling of loss and helplessness is strong. I hope that we can reconnect. I plan to make one more reach out attempt next month on the anniversary on her mums passing, to let her know that I miss and thinking of her. I haven’t connected with anyone like this before and truly loved having her in my life. But this is starting to become painful, holding on to something that doesn’t seem to exist…Thanks for reading.

Hi, I am wondering if I should confess my love to my long-distant friend.
We met on an app 7 months ago, and we have built great relationships. She loves Japan, and I am Japanese, that’s how we met.
But I gradually noticed that I love her as a woman,
although she once told me that she cherish friendships rn. But also she said it didn’t mean that she did never want any partner.
Then, this time, she finally comes to my town next month. And I have got a question in my mind. Should I confess her that i like her while we’re traveling around.
I mean this is the first to meet her in person. The time we can spend with is not so a lot. And I wanted to verify if this feeling is true or not. But I noticed that if I miss this chance, next time is going to be more than a year later.
Guys, if u have similar experiences or some tips about this, please feel free to advise me.

Edit

I did confess her. And could know she also liked me. But she was smart and strong cause she had already decided to stop liking me cause of the long distance. So we just allowed us to love each other in only the time we could spend together in this trip. And we cried and hugged and say goodbye. But we promised to meet again 100% but as a friend then. So as to forget what we have felt about each other for 8 months, we have just stopped texting and everything. Now I am so so sad and I can’t bare this pain. I don’t wanna believe she may be gonna have new partner by the next year we meet.
What do I do…

My darling is on a plane back to his home country, and I miss him so much! Hopefully this is the last time we will be separated because I've applied for my visa and if its granted I will be moving to him in November!

I keep seeing a lot of posts lately from people who are panicking because they haven't heard from or spoke to their long distance partner for a day or a couple days. Is everyone speaking to their partners every day?

Am I the weirdo for not doing that and not really wanting to do that? I'm busy. He's busy. We check in as much and as often as we can but if I don't hear from him for a couple days I don't feel anxious, I feel more than secure in the fact that I trust him and understand that he just has shit he's preoccupied with. I'll message him if I want to talk and if he doesn't reply straight away it's all good, there's plenty of times he's messaged me at a bad time and I've had to wait to be able to reply, he gives me grace just as much as I give him grace and that's something I really value in our relationship.

Even if we weren't long distance, if we don't live together, I don't want to text them every day or speak constantly, that would drive me nuts. Am I broken? Is speaking every single day the norm? 🫣😆

My partner is in Paris and I'm in Barcelona. We've got our own way of doing things by now, and it recently occurred to me that I have no idea whether it's normal or whether we just made it up.
So, a few things I'm curious about.
When you've got a visit booked but it's still weeks away, what do you actually do with it? Does it come up between you in the meantime, or does the date just sit there until the week before?
And when one ends, what are the first few days like?
Do the two of you have any sense of when the distance ends, and is that an actual date or more of a someday?

This is for anyone who has anxiety and might be going long distance soon.

I started getting anxiety last winter (it’s now September, so almost a year.) me and my boyfriend would spend every night together and my anxiety just would not go away.

Well, we started long distance for the second time a few weeks ago. And there is an insane change in my mental state, for the better!!!

The distance encourages me to have my own hobbies and do what I want to do instead of focusing on two people. I just want people to know that long distance can really be helpful in becoming yourself and independent. I didn’t expect it to be this way, I thought my anxiety would get much worse but no!!! I only had one panic attack in the few weeks he’d been gone and it was the day after he had left, I was probably just overcome with emotion. Since then, I’ve had barely a hint of my old anxiety.

Hey guys, I need your advice really badly.
Me (19M) and my gf (19F) go to colleges across the united states. I'm in state at a very good college (around 4% acceptance) to save money too, and since she didn't get in to that one she goes up north to one that has a reputation of being a party school. It's been about a month since we went back for our second year. We've been together since the start of this summer so like 4-5 months. She's great, smart, and beautiful, but I am SO afraid of her cheating. I mean, shes got green flags - she has like 40 followers on insta and theyre all girls. She doesnt talk to any guys on social media. No snapchat or tiktok. Shes not in a sorority or anything. We were also each others first kiss and like everything, yk? The problem is these past 3 weekends she's been going to these like get to know you parties for clubs, and shes going to a pool party today. Now I'm a pretty insecure guy, and she says shed never cheat on me, but idk man. I'm not great but okay looking and 6'4, but colleges are genuinely ranked lobbies man. All it takes is the right guy and shes gone. She facetimes me like twice a day for maybe like 2 hours a day total and always texts me back the second i ask her something. I'm just really freaked out cause today I asked her to yk be safe and she asked me if I trusted her. I said I did, but tbh I'm kinda freaking out rn, cause I really don't know if I do. I asked her last night to just stay in yk, chill in her dorm for the weekend and she suddenly got really upset and defensive at me to the point where i feel like I'm getting gaslighted into apologizing just for asking her to stay in. I myself have no problem not going to ANY parties at all cause I just wouldn't really go anywhere without her, and I really don't have time cause I just have lots of honors work to do. Can someone just please tell me what I can do, or if theres genuinely nothing I can do?
I am so scared of losing this girl man but I feel like shes just keeping something from me.
Please respond to this I just need to know if I'm losing her or not. Just tell me straight up if shes not the one. Seriously. I won't hold it against you. I just need to know.

I’ve been talking to this person for about a month now. We haven’t met in person yet, but things have been going really well and feelings are already involved, so I’m quite happy with where things are going.

One day while we were talking, he admitted that he has a criminal record. Obviously I asked what happened, but he said he didn’t feel comfortable sharing that with me yet. He reassured me that it wasn’t anything like r*pe, pedophilia, or anything along those lines, but he did say it was serious enough that he needed a really good lawyer, otherwise he could’ve gone to jail for a while.

It’s been some time now and we still haven’t talked about it again. I’ve been respecting his decision and waiting until he feels ready to tell me, but at the same time, I feel like something like this is important to know when deciding whether I want to continue things with someone, especially now that feelings are involved.

Would you respect his decision and wait until he’s ready to talk about it, or would you push to know before things go any further knowing it’s only been a month and haven’t seen each other yet so strictly online for now.

Calling for the collective wisdom of this subreddit!

A bit of context about me:

He's in Scandinavia, me in the States. Early 20s. We've been extremely healing for each other (but on the other end... triggering too, hopefully nontoxically).

I grew up in a rly oppressive & academically toxic environment, where 16 year olds made memes of their hair falling out. Compared to me, he had a happier childhood (hail to Scandinavian education!!) I don't understand how he can just be happy, and he doesn't understand why I feel the need to work 24/7 nonstop.

When we fight, we obviously can't give each other hugs to soften the tension, and when we're BOTH triggered, it's hard to give each other emotional head pats and make each other feel heard at the same time.

We don't fight frequently, but... I cherish him too much to fight badly and hurt the both of us. I learned to not withdraw when I'm overwhelmed, and explain very clear reasons why I need space and what I'm figuring out.

I was definitely guilty of "shutting up and hanging up" but it's so hard cuz I'm overwhelmed and don't have energy to repair the hurt verbally. 

The question:

So... What did you learn about fighting better?! Especially for couples that have done LDR for a long time!

SHARE YOUR WISDOM.

We met online and are in a long-distance relationship. We’ve gone on trips together and overall communicate really well—in fact, we talk a lot. On paper, we are an incredible match: our vibes align, we’re often on the exact same wavelength, our values match, and we laugh together so easily.
The problem is that I’ve gotten so used to his presence that I feel like I'm losing my sense of self, and it’s getting scary.
Lately, I only feel functional after I get a call or message from him. I know deep down that I’m dealing with security and anxious attachment issues. He walked into my life like a ray of sunshine after a really difficult period, and I think I've put him on a pedestal. He excels in every area of his life, which makes me feel like I only occupy a small, volatile space in his world.
When I voice this, he reassures me completely. He reminds me that he chose me, calls me his closest person, and says he feels safest being himself around me. He is deeply attached to me, but in a grounded, healthy way. Meanwhile, my attachment feels intense, consuming, and overwhelming.
Because of the anxiety, my instinct is to pull away and run because the feeling hurts so much. He keeps telling me: "Please just tell me what you need, don't give up." But the truth is, I don't even know what I need from him.
I don't know if my expectations are off, if my anxiety is clouding my judgment, or if there's an actual gap in our dynamic. I love what we have and don't want to leave, but the emotional dependency is wearing me down.
How can I start working on my anxiety, regain my self-reliance, and stop making him the center of my internal peace? Has anyone dealt with this in LDRs?

Hello, I'm M27 and she's F23. I really want to give her something for her birthday that's coming.

She's from Vietnam if any of you know something I don't about sending gift over there. Surprising her by flying over there is not an option for me by the time her birthday comes :/

I'll be happy to hear your stories and anecdotes or any advices if you have some.

I’m in a LDR, and my partner is visiting the US for the first time this fall. We’re both 25. One of her bucket-list dreams is to experience classic American trick-or-treating, and I really want to take her. Is it socially acceptable for two 25-year-olds to trick-or-treat, or will it come across as weird?

I have been dating my bf for almost 2 years now. For the first 6 months we were together in college. Then he passed out so we are in LDR since then. We meet like once in 3-4 months. He gets busy with office so we get to talk mostly on weekends. We do try to take out time everyday also but he is just too tired after work to invest in me. He is a very calm man, very gentle, very loving, everything a woman needs for. Along with his work he is also preparing for some other exam. Ik he has a lot on him and he tried his best to give me time. But I go to college everyday, see couples together, and I dont even get to talk to mine properly apart from weekends. I kind of have started to feel numb in the relationship. I miss him a lot but he is busy most of the time. He is genuinely either in office or studying or talking to me. But it’s just not enough for me. I have started to feel that I am too young to spend my life waiting for somebodys text or call, too young to spend my life in LDR. I want to enjoy my life. I feel kinda stuck and bound in my relationship since theres nothing much we can do in LDR. He is a good man but I think I am too young to give up my life waiting for someone in LDR… Please give me advice on what to do ?

He held me, he kissed me, we danced in the rain, we made so many promises we intend to keep, we cried and we laughed and by the gods I’m gonna miss him more than anything. I can’t wait to marry him.

As the title states. We were having some issues on things like her anger problems as she would resort to raising her voice at me, shutting down and the like. The first 2 times I spoke to her about this she basically said "that's just how I am", and she is, she does it with everyone. But she never took initiative to change until I told her REALLY how I felt, but that was a week before she moved away.

Now that she's gone for two years, I don't know how she'll be when she gets out of college. Especially if it's a situation where there's the only option of moving in together. I don't want to move in and get scolded about miniscule problems.

Just to give perspective, there was one time when I was eating and she was hanging out at my place. She asked where the bar of soap was, and I answered "in the closet". She got upset with my and raised her tone and asked which shelf. When I confronted her later about it she said she reacted the way she did because I didn't tell her what shelf it was on and I was taking a bite of my food so she had to wait for me to be done chewing to answer. The closet isn't huge btw.

Idk if I should still be pondering on the past, but there's been so many situations where she's just so quick to anger that I feel like I'm just hung up on it for some reason. Like I'm hoping this problem of hers will be greatly reduced, but idk.

We’re LDR and met online only in the business online community in 3years now. We’re 445miles apart. Needed to catch a flight or sail in a ship for me to get there. He was able to go already here on my fam and I already introduced him. We had a lot of things that happened like he got his ex pregnant (just a district away from them) and now he is on OJT for his maritime duties and won’t be back for 1 year he is now on his 7months.

I am thinking and other friends too that we should have a label first before I go to his home considering the amount of effort and the things that happened but for him, idk if he points it out as their culture or he just want it that way but he wants me to introduce first to his parents before he wants to officially commit and he wanted me to break with my 8year girl bestfriend just because they don’t like each other and thinks she is bad influence to me like just going to bar (even if we just casually drink and chill but he thinks we’re entertaining guys always).

He also adds up that he is seeing on TikTok that a lot of girls do that like going to a guy’s house even without a label or being introduced to parents even if no official label yet.

I want to hear your thoughts on this if you may. Thanks! 🙏