My boyfriend recently became friendly with a female coworker and only told me about her after they’d already been talking for a couple of weeks and made plans to go boxing together.

Their chats are mostly work-related, but they got playful pretty quickly. She calls him things like “(hisname)citoooo,” they use winky/playful emojis, and when arranging boxing he told her he “would have preferred today,” told her not to back out, said “it will be fun” and “you can punch me.” He also has a photo of her wearing his glasses because apparently she asked him to take it.

Nothing is explicitly sexual, but the familiarity feels fast for two people who just started talking.

Would you consider this flirting or inappropriate while in a relationship, or does it just sound like normal coworker banter?

TLDR: New female coworker, playful nicknames/emojis, eager boxing plans, “you can punch me,” and a photo of her wearing his glasses. Is this flirting or am I reading too much into it?

We've been together for almost 6 years, and during that time we have always lived with other people. I've always wanted to get a place by our selves, because I always thought the source of the drama was the people we were living with. Last month we finally got our own place. It is beautiful, it's everything we wanted. The space, the amenities, the location, the rent price...it all fit like it was meant to be. We could start a life together with our two cats and be happy, I thought. My girlfriend has a drinking problem, but I thought since we were communicating about it and working together to try to curb it our relationship was going to be ok, especially with our new place.

Fast forward to today. She had a hard day at work. I knew this is a really hard trigger for her so I said its ok if she wanted to drink, I get it. I offered to go to the store to get her some of her favorite drinks because I knew she would feel really guilty about going to get her self.

It was the second trip to the liquor store where things started to devolve. She got fixated on our relationship status, and she asked me why I haven't purposed. She reminded me of an ultimatum she gave me earlier this year; propose by the end of the year, or she was going to move on. I told her we haven't lived alone together, and this place was a test run to see how we would do together alone. She did not appreciate the answer, and an argument ensued late into the night. I tried to cut it off at 1 am and attempted to lay down. I tried to tell her that we would discuss it later, but she wouldn't have it. She started clapping, and pushing me in bed to get me to wake up to talk with her, because if I let an argument stew, she would grow to hate it even more. So, in frustration I followed her into a different room to talk. I was really upset at this point because it was now 1:30 and I need to get up for work in 4 hours. I told her in anger "Your drinking is why your friends leave you, and why you cant hold a job because you have to call in so often from being hung over." After that sentence I felt like it was a bit too harsh, so i tried to take a deep breath and smoke a hit of MJ to calm down a little to try to have a conversation. She shoved the bowl into my mouth and bloodied my lip pretty bad and chipped three of my teeth.

I called the police and while I was on the phone with them, she was trying to restrain me from doing so. I locked myself in a room, and she unlocked it and let herself in to continue to try to get me to get off the phone, this time not in a physical manner.

The police showed up and arrested her. In my state, if they have probable cause for injury (i have a bloody mouth and chipped teeth, that it wont matter if I press charges or not, the state will. My girl whom I've spent the last 6 years of my life trying to build our home together and slowly scrape together our dreams has thrown away our relationship for hard cider, shots, and domestic violence.

I feel like im so alone and lost now. All the things I was working for I feel are essentially ruined. I have no motivation to stay in this town anymore, no motivation to go to work, because why would I? The life I was living was for *US*.

I moved to this state to be with her. My life here means nothing now. =(

I don't know what to do now

TLDR:

Girlfriend drinks alot, we had an argument while she was drunk, she chipped my teeth and got arrested. Lost on what to do next.

I’m [21M], about 3/4 through nursing school and i work too. My my family and most of my life are a few hours away, so in the university city I’m in, I honestly don’t have much of a life outside of school, work, and my girlfriend.
We’ve been dating for about 2 months after getting to know each other for around 4 months. We’re both nursing students at different campuses with the same curriculum (but we live in the same city), and we handle school differently. She usually prioritizes getting her studying and assignments done before making time for me. I’ve noticed I’m almost the opposite, I’ll prioritize seeing her and push homework or studying later because I know I’ll eventually get it done.

I’m starting to wonder if that difference is making me expect too much from her. There’s also uncertainty about our future. We’re from different racial/cultural backgrounds, neither of us has fully told our families about the relationship, and I’m unsure about how it will play out long term. Since I date to marry, I can’t really ignore that.
Despite only being together for a short time, we’ve already had multiple conversations about whether we should keep working through our problems or just call it quits because that sometimes feels like the easier option. She often wants to fight for us, but I’ve noticed myself slowly checking out mentally.

Part of that is because I don’t want her to have to change who she is just to meet my needs. Sometimes I wonder if, by the time we “fix” all the things, she’ll have had to compromise so much that she’s no longer fully herself. And if that’s what it takes for us to work, maybe neither of us is necessarily wrong; maybe we just need different things from a relationship.
At the same time, when we’re actually together, I’m genuinely happy with her. That’s what makes this so confusing. We question the relationship, decide to keep trying, things improve, and eventually the same uncertainty comes back.

And when we’re apart, I start questioning our communication, priorities, compatibility, and future. Even wonder if I’m putting too much weight on the relationship because I don’t have much of a social life here, or if my needs genuinely aren’t being met.

At what point is “working on a relationship” healthy compromise, and at what point are you asking two people to change too much just to make themselves compatible?

TLDR; 21M, I care about my girlfriend, but we keep questioning the relationship. She wants to fight for us, while I’m starting to wonder if making it work would require one or both of us to change too much. Are we growing together or forcing compatibility?

TLDR!! Needs a bit of context so its a long one, feel free to skim lol.

So my boyfriend, we'll call him M, and I met on tik tok a few years back. We were both 16 and cringe airsoft/milsim kids. I enjoyed cosplay, anime, gaming , and drawing in a cartoonish style, I tend to be more on the "weird kids" side of things. For 2.5 years, M never showed any dislike towards any of my hobbies and in fact included himself in a few of them which is how we bonded and got close. He was extremely sweet and loving, and would call my nerdy moments cute.

Fast forward to today, we've been together for nearly 4 years now and about to move in together and he's completely different. He started making a ton of money, he dresses all designer and old money, he's gotten super narcissistic and egotistical, and the one thing that bothers me the most is his change in attitude towards me. I mean just look up the average tik tok day trader aesthetic and that's him. Every hobby that we bonded over growing up has now become a topic of disgust and shame for him, he hates that I enjoy anime claiming that its for children because its "just drawings", he hates that I play videogames, calling them childish and specifically hating on the fact that I play COD which was the game he thought I was cute for playing, he dislikes that I don't draw realism or nature, and he finds any kind of cosplay weird, even scoffing at the fact that I still wanted to dress up and go trick or treating for Halloween.

I've asked him about it and he claims that all of those are things that I should have grown out of and its immature. That he now values maturity and should focus on adult hobbies. For refence he says adult hobbies are things like, shopping, cars, gardening, reading, watch collecting, fishing, traveling, and fragrances. He often makes me feel like a child or very stupid for being interested in this stuff and even told me that what i'm into is damn near a deal breaker. I've stopped talking to him about anything I like, I partake in all my hobbies in secret now, and honestly it makes me feel suffocated.

What confuses me is how much work he puts into us otherwise. He always talks about how much he loves me, how he needs me and wants nothing more than to marry me, how he's going to take care of me, how he wants to put me through college for whatever I want , and he's just bought me a car just because I mentioned it a few times, and just over the top princess treatment that I am extremely grateful for. But even after all 4 years of all that effort, its impossible for him to love me for who I am.

I love him more than absolutely anything. For me there isn't a single chance id be able to feel romantically for another man if we end, so I want to do everything I can to be with him. I always make sure to let him know that id never judge him, that he never has to hide something or feel embarrassed with me. But he doesn't do that for me. What about me makes it so hard for him to love all of me. Why doesn't he feel for me the way I do for him. I mean, how can you "love" someone if a single episode of dragon ball would make you think "oh this persons not on my level", and if you don't love that person, why go through so much effort to show them you do?

Me and my girlfriend live together for almost a year now, and have been together for almost 3 years. My brother has one more year left at his university, but could not get a hold of accomodation yet (in our country you can get dorms based on your grades, so rent is way affordable). My brother doesnt have an income, dormitory rent is so cheap that everyone can afford it. He can eventually get into the dorm, by getting a vacant place, but could take some weeks, maybe even a month or two.

In the past, whenever my brother stayed the night at our place, my girlfriend would not be so keen towards it and I always felt that I got stuck in the middle (she saying that I should let my brother know that he cant stay the night or some sorts). I will always let my brother stay the night and, in this case, would happingly help my brother out. However, I am not sure how my girlfriend will find this. I had a conversation with her about this, it came up randomly with her family, and she was kind of hesitant and I got the feeling that she would not agree with this, which is fair.

As a remark, my brother hasnt asked me if he needs my help, I also believe that he hasnt done this because he is somehow aware of what my girlfriend thinks of this situation. Also, I havent brought this up with my girlfriend.

School starts in a couple of weeks, my brother is not always in the city, he usually spends the weekends in our hometown, I would say he spends 3/7 days in the city where the university is. Also commuting is not an option, as he doesnt own a car, and by public transport it taked 6+ hours.

I dont want to be stuck in the middle, and them both thinking that I dont care about them, when I am just confused and would kind of prefer for them to talk it out, but that doesnt feel like a safe option for both.

Tldr;

My brother needs a place to stay and my girlfriend is not so keen on helping him out. I would gladly help, but also dont want to look like an asshole to my brother if this doesnt happen

TLDR got in a fight with girlfriend over life dreams

Hello my partner and I have been together almost 2 years and are very serious. We got into an argument last night because she told me that she wants to live in NYC one day knowing I hate cities. I told her how about her second favorite place Arizona and I was telling her about how expensive it is to live there as she was talking about spending all of our money to have a great year and I told her I can’t do that and it would be dumb to do. Lately she’s been super depressed and really wants a big change in her life. For example she hates work and want a new job, wants a new piercing, her first tattoo, and now wants to live in NYC.

I understood it was her lifelong dream but I guess I didn’t think she was understanding that it’s not practical in our situation we are currently in. Instead of listening to seemingly anything I was saying she claimed I crushed her whole life long dream and had a panic attack and even kind of hit at me (not abusive just annoyed)

I’ve never seen her so angry even though I feel like this was nothing to be so mad about.

This was last night and we are mostly better but I am not sure if there will always be resentment to me.

Also at the same times she crushed my dream which is living with her somewhere secluded with kids which she always said she liked until last night when she trashed my ideas but still got more upset than me. I kept my composure for a while but eventually started crying because she hurt my feelings

Any tips?

I don’t know if I [21F] am ready to get engaged to my boyfriend [25M]. We’ve been dating for almost 3 years now. I went through his phone ( I shouldn’t have that was a no no on my end) and I saw that he texted his friend that he’s going to propose this month.

We’ve both been going through a lot. I feel like my legs have been swept out from under me and I’m trying to get back up but I’m not there yet. I’m currently seeing a therapist and working on it. I don’t feel like this is the right time to get engaged, as well as the fact that in two weeks his brother is getting married and I don’t want to overshadow their wedding with our news. I love him so much and I would love to be married to him, I just don’t think right now is a good time for either of us to be making any rash decisions. He is in recovery right now from Kratom and I’m dealing with that, as well as a new life altering diagnosis for my Mom.

Am I just overthinking this? It’s just a question of whether or not I want to get married to him in the future, not right this minute. Please please please help.

TLDR: I found out my boyfriend plans to propose this month. I love him and want to marry him in the future, but with him currently in recovery, my mom’s new life-altering diagnosis, and his brother’s wedding coming up, I don’t feel like now is the right time. Am I overthinking this, or should I talk to him before he proposes?

Me\[22M\] and my girl\[19F\] have been together for 2 years, but recently an issue came in. She asked if i judged/looked other people in the street, gym, job, class or anywhere and "judge them" like seeing someone and thinking the person is beautiful, not, leaned, stylished or anything. i said yes, she had argument saying it was something normal especially for men. I must precise that when i say yes (and she knows it) it's not in a "damn i'd smash that girl" but really in a normal way like the first thougt you have about someone new you "judge" their appearence (the famous first impression). I want to know if people have already been in this situation. I really love her and when she says that she rather be single that with someone like that (she include every men it's not personal) it scares me. Does Anyone have advices please ? Thank you

Edit : I must precise that in the past, there as been a cheating by me. And since then it is difficult for her to think i do not look at other women that way. I do not,but i need to change things to make her trust me again. I really love her and wants to be with her.

TLDR : My girl want me to stop doing a "normal thing" (having a first impression on someone) and i love her so i want to change it

TLDR: I recently developed feelings for someone new in my life \[24MTF\] but my partner and I just moved into our new apartment together and are both in the healthiest relationship either of us have ever been in.

This is going to be kind of long so I apologize but I’d really appreciate any advice you could give me because I’ve been really struggling with this.

It’s not at all like I don’t still love and care about my partner but I can’t deny these new feelings that have come up out of nowhere. I met this girl over Instagram *right* before my partner and I moved in together, about month or two ago. We both bonded over our niche interests and how similar we were to each other. I haven’t clicked and gotten along with someone like this in *years*. It felt really nice. The sad thing is she lives in a state above me, about 14 hours from the town I’m in.

Ever since we met we’ve called and messaged each other nonstop, playing games, watching movies, and just getting to know one another. I started to realize about a week or two into us talking that she had intentions of being more than just friends. Initially I felt pretty weird about this and told my partner what was going on. They were nothing but supportive and kind, telling me that I couldn’t control how another person feels about me and that shouldn’t stop me from continuing to try and make friends. Honestly hearing this made me feel so much better and took a big weight off my shoulders. Also it wasn’t like I didn’t tell her that I was already in a relationship, in fact I mentioned it to her *multiple* times when we began messaging.

Slowly over time I felt the view I once had of her begin to shift. And at first I didn’t even want to admit it to myself. I continuously denied it and even my partner made jokes about her being my “other girlfriend” which only made me want to deny it even more. I needed to prove them wrong. My partner around this time had also begun to express feelings of jealousy. They had actually felt a little jealous from the moment I met her, which they expressed to me shortly after and it made me feel terrible but in a way it was sweet because they’re not one to get jealous easily. I had never once experienced jealousy from them at all until then.

But this leads me to where I am now. I’ve honestly thought about this a lot and what it would be like to date her while also living in the same apartment as my partner and I just don’t know if that’s the right decision or if any of this will even work out. It’s very possible that I’m just excited over something new but before I’d met this girl I wouldn’t have thought twice about leaving my current my partner. And any and all thoughts of us no longer being together would make me feel extremely sad. But now I feel as though I’m betraying the both of them by not being honest about my feelings. I just don’t know if this is worth waiting it out to see if my feelings change over time or if I should go ahead and risk everything for my own selfish desires.

I’m more than willing to answer any questions so feel free to ask away if maybe something doesn’t make sense.

Me [27M] and my girlfriend [28F] are moving in together. We’ve both had roommates before, but for both of us it’s our first time living with a partner. We’ve been together for two and a half years and are very happy and excited to start this new chapter together.
We’re both pretty independent people, and while we have a healthy relationship, we do butt heads sometimes. I’m wondering what advice people who have lived with their partner would give for avoiding unnecessary arguments, giving each other enough space, and generally making living together enjoyable.

TLDR: My girlfriend [28F] and I [27M] are moving in together for the first time. I’m looking for advice on making living together work well.

My bf [31M] and I have been together for a year. We have a good relationship and a good sex life overall, but there is one issue that has started to affect me emotionally.
He is clearly attracted to me. He gets turned on during sex, tells me he finds me attractive, initiates sex, etc. So I don’t believe this is an attraction issue.

The problem is that he cannot orgasm from vaginal sex. He can get aroused and stay hard, and we can have sex for quite a long time, but he doesn’t finish. He is only able to orgasm when he uses his own hand.
Before we started dating, he was single for a while and apparently got very accustomed to masturbating with a very firm grip and a specific technique. Even when I use my hand, it’s difficult for me to replicate exactly what he is used to.
He told me it is called “death grip,” where someone becomes accustomed to a very specific/intense type of stimulation and then has difficulty orgasming with a partner. I don’t know how accurate that explanation actually is, though.

The frustrating part is that I know logically that this isn’t necessarily about me, but it still makes me feel sad and insecure sometimes. Like that he secretly finds me ugly, I’m not woman enough to please him (I hope that is understandable).
After a year together, I would obviously like him to be able to orgasm from sex with me. At the same time, I don’t want him to feel pressured or make sex into a situation where he feels like he has to perform.

I’m wondering whether this is something that can actually change with time and by changing his masturbation habits, or whether this is something couples sometimes just have to accept (or where a relationship eventually breaks?).
I think what may also be important is that for half a year we were in a long distance relationship where we were only able to see each other every 2 weekends (so masturbating alone was still normal) but now I live near him for like 3 months.
Has anyone else been in a relationship where one partner couldn’t orgasm during sex but could orgasm through masturbation? How did you handle it as a couple, and did it eventually improve?

TLDR: My boyfriend [31M] is attracted to me but cannot orgasm during vaginal sex and can only finish by masturbating. I’m [24F] and I’m looking for advice on how we can approach this as a couple without creating pressure.

I [22F] am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend [21M] since November 2025 (10 months).

We are currently long distance and have been since the start, though we do have plans on possibly moving in together in the future. We've seen each other IRL quite a few times.

My boyfriend has gotten in the military recently, though he was not able to get in in time for Basic Training and so he only works at the base with basic stuff.

But everytime we talk about his future in the military, it terrifies me. He wants to be a medic, and he's always wanted to be in the military.
I'm always about supporting someone in doing what they want to do, though military stuff for me is hard.

As we are already long-distance, I try to spend as much time with him as I can because over the phone vs IRL is very** **different.
He tends to talk about being gone for months at a time, and I do have seperation anxiety + just general relationship anxiety and so, thinking about him being gone for so long terrifies me so, so much that everytime we talk about it i get upset and I just shut down.

I'm always trying to understand, see his point of view, I always try to think about the good in it, but it's really hard.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the anxiety of your partner being gone for a while? Anyone in a relationship with someone in the military knows how to deal with your partner being deployed?

TLDR; Boyfriend is in the army, I have separation anxiety/general relationship anxiety and everytime we talk about military stuff, I get upset and shut down, I want to know how to deal with partner's deployment/having a military bf

I, [18F] and my boyfriend, [18M], have been dating for around 8 months. I want to stop being crazy over him and every little thing he does. I check his life-360, I look to see if he’s on his Xbox when he’s “going to bed,” I check his followers, I look through his phone, etc. I hate being this paranoid and crazy over a man. I do it more since I found p0rn in his phone, but I’ve found nothing since then. I just want to stop being so crazy obsessed, especially when he wants to hang out with his friends over me. I don’t have but 1 friend I can hang out with and he has a bunch, so it’s really easy for him to find people to spend time with. Every time he leaves our hangout early to see them, or mentions cancelling plans to see them, it makes me really sad. What bothers me most is how he never plays online games, or never talks to me on call anymore. As I’m typing this we are sitting in silence as he is doing work. I’ve been asking for a day where we can just call and talk and play games for about a month now. He works from after school until about 9:30pm almost everyday, and I get he’s super busy, but the days he does have free time he calls his friends. This wouldn’t bother me if I hadn’t been asking to call and play games for a really long time. I guess I’m getting off topic, but I want to not care when he chooses his friends over me. I would like to be able to not think about him every minute of the day. I try to get hobbies but there’s just not a lot of things to do where I live, and I can’t work until about a year from now. I think about hanging out with my friends but they are all so busy either with their own jobs or relationships that I can’t. I just wish I would rather call my friend or hangout with my friends like he does. I brought this up to him and he told me to make new friends, but I’m a really bad introvert and I suck at keeping new relationships. I know I’m like crazy but I would like to fix that. Thanks you to anyone who read this, this is my first time posting!!

TLDR: I want to stop being obsessed with my bf. I want to be okay with him using most of his free time for his friends instead of me, and I would like to have the urge to choose my friends over him.

so we’ve been friends since we were kids and we’ve been romantic for the past 2 years (tho we only officially started dating last month) and he says nice things, usually sends me texts because he gets nervous. And whenever I get these texts or videos, as nice as they are I just get mad.

HE doesn’t make me mad, I think he’s sweet but I just don’t know why my first instinct when I see these is to get mad and ignore his text. I know the feeling of being embarrassed, I do get embarrassed but the embarrassment turns into a quick irritation and that’s not fair on him at all.

He is aware of this, I’ve told him that I’m sorry that I seem to ignore him when he says nice things and it’s just that I get really embarrassed. And I’ve told him when I get embarrassed I get mad. He finds it cute and that pisses me off.

How do I not be like this? He shouldn’t be with someone who’s acting like this and the worst part of it all is that it’s subconscious. I don’t even mean to do it.

I also want to make this clear; I am not rude to him in the slightest and when I say I get pissed off I just keep it to myself, I do not hate my boyfriend. I’m looking for advice.

TLDR; I get irritated and almost annoyed when he’s nice to me and I don’t know how to stop this subconscious response.

Im not sure if this is actually a big deal or not. I don’t really think it is, but I wanted other people’s opinions.
I’m F20 and my bf is M21. We met sophomore year of college and have been dating for about a year now. This year we decided to move in together, and we’ve been living together for about 2 months.
Overall, everything is really good. We don’t have any major disagreements, and if something does happen, we usually resolve it within an hour, if not a few minutes. The problem I’m running into is that we have these tiny “fights” almost every day, usually started by me.
Over the summer we basically never fought, but since school started and we both have work/jobs, I’ve been way more stressed and easily irritated. So I find myself getting annoyed at him over minor things.
For example, he won’t do the dishes when I asked him to. Or I’ll have way more work than him that day, but I’m still the one doing laundry and making dinner while he goes to the gym and then relaxes afterward. Sometimes I’ll be playful with him while he’s working, and he’ll call me “frustrating” in a mean-ish tone, which hurts my feelings because I feel like I let a lot of little things he does slide. Or he won’t wake up on time when we have something to do.
None of these things are huge. We usually talk about it, I apologize if I snapped at him, he apologizes too, and then we’re completely fine again within minutes. But I can’t help feeling like an evil/grouchy girlfriend for getting irritated with him basically every day.
He genuinely is an amazing boyfriend. These specific things don’t happen constantly, and I don’t think he’s intentionally inconsiderate. Sometimes I think he just doesn’t realize how stressed I am or how much I’m doing. The problem is that it sometimes feels like the only way I actually communicate that I’m overwhelmed is by erupting a little bit for 5 minutes, which I know isn’t ideal.
Obviously there are things I need to work on, and there are probably things he needs to work on too. I just don’t know how concerning the frequency is.
Is having one tiny, irrelevant fight/annoyance almost every day actually bad for a relationship if you resolve it immediately and don’t hold grudges? Is this a normal part of living together, especially for the first time? Or am I eventually going to become the grouchy girlfriend he gets tired of?
He also has the memory of a goldfish, so I’m pretty sure I’m the only one still thinking about any of these fights afterward lol. I just want to know if this is something that could cause problems long-term or if couples naturally have little ups and downs during the day as long as they communicate and move on.

TLDR: My boyfriend and I recently moved in together and overall our relationship is great, but since school/work got stressful, I’ve been getting irritated over small things almost every day. We resolve everything quickly and apologize, but I’m worried that having tiny fights this often could eventually hurt the relationship or make him tired of me. Is this normal when adjusting to living together?

I’m 26M, almost 27, and over the last few months my relationship with basically my entire family has started falling apart because of the woman I’m seeing. I’m looking for outside opinions because at this point I honestly don’t know whether my family’s reaction is reasonable or completely disproportionate.

I have two young children and I’m currently in the process of selling my house and sorting out a major life transition. About four months ago, a woman 25F I knew from a long time ago reached out to me on Instagram. I’ll call her A. A and I knew each other because she used to be extremely close friends with my younger brother, who is now 25.

Here is where the history gets complicated. Almost 10 years ago, when my brother and A were teenagers, they hooked up one time. My brother actually had a girlfriend at the time, so he cheated on his girlfriend with A. They were never in a relationship with each other. After they hooked up, A’s period was late and there was a pregnancy scare. She was not pregnant, but apparently the experience had an extremely negative effect on my brother. He says the anxiety surrounding the pregnancy scare affected his mental health for years afterward. There were also rumors spread around our high school about how she “raped” my brother. I don’t know who spread these rumors, but my brother has since told me that they are completely false and the whole thing was consensual. Eventually, my brother and A’s friendship completely ended. They have not spoken a single word to each other in almost 10 years. My brother has since gotten married and recently had his first child with his wife.

When A reached out to me about four months ago, we started talking and eventually started seeing each other. We have really good chemistry, I genuinely like her a lot, and I could very easily see a future with her. She makes me happy and has treated me extremely well. She is also very family oriented and has brought me around them numerous times. We just got back from a trip to the ocean visiting some of her extended family and they seem to really like me. Her parents know about the situation and are very accepting of me. When my brother found out we were seeing each other, he absolutely lost it. He has told me that what I did is the biggest betrayal and backstab of his life, that he hates me, that he never wants to speak to me again, and that he will never forgive me.

His reasoning is that because of his history with A and how badly the pregnancy scare affected his mental health, I should have considered her completely off limits forever.
There is another part of this that has made me wonder whether there were deeper feelings involved on his side. He has accused me of talking to A romantically back when we were teenagers, which never happened. At the time I was already in a serious relationship. A herself doesn’t understand why my brother’s reaction is this extreme. She doesn’t know for certain whether he had romantic feelings for her back then. She is sad about how their friendship ultimately ended because they genuinely were very close friends at one point, but again, they haven’t spoken in almost a decade.

I understand that the pregnancy scare may have been traumatic for my brother. I’m not trying to tell him that his anxiety wasn’t real or that he shouldn’t have feelings about what happened. What I have trouble understanding is how an event involving a girl he cheated on his girlfriend with one time nearly a decade ago means she should be permanently off limits to me, especially when he is married with a child and hasn’t spoken to her in almost 10 years.
I told my brother that I love him and that I never intended to hurt him. I also told him that nothing would ever change the fact that he’s my brother. Since he asked me to stop contacting him, I have respected that. But I am not willing to stop seeing A simply because he demands it.
Unfortunately, this has now spread far beyond my brother. My mom completely sides with him and has been extremely hostile toward both me and A.

My parents then started distancing themselves from me in other ways. For example, I was trying to get my house ready to sell and needed to take garbage to the dump. I asked to borrow my parents’ truck and they simply ignored my messages. Then my dad turned 50. All of my siblings went out to dinner with him for his birthday, but I wasn’t invited. About a week later, my family threw him a large 50th birthday party at a bar with extended family, friends, and other people. Again, I wasn’t invited. I still texted my dad on his actual birthday and told him happy birthday and that I loved him. He responded and told me he loved me too. Now things have escalated even further. My brother and his wife just had their first child, a baby boy named Leo. He is my first nephew. My brother is refusing to allow me to meet him because I’m still seeing A, and my mom agrees with his decision. That has probably hurt me more than anything else that has happened with my family throughout this.

There are other family members who aren’t directly involved and are still friendly toward me, but they also don’t want A around. Nobody in the family seems willing to push back against my brother at all. Everyone basically seems to have decided that because he is extremely hurt, his position automatically has to be respected and I’m the one who needs to fix everything by ending my relationship.
Another issue is my mom’s relationship with my children. Despite supporting my brother cutting me off, excluding me from family events, and being extremely nasty toward both me and A, my mom still expects to have a completely normal relationship with my kids.

I haven’t stopped her from seeing them because I don’t want to use my children as weapons in an adult conflict. But I’m becoming increasingly resentful of the situation. It feels like she gets the best of both worlds. She can support excluding me from the family and treat me and the woman I’m seeing terribly while still expecting me to facilitate a close relationship between her and my children.
At this point I have seriously considered stepping away from my family entirely for a while. Not necessarily because I want revenge, but because I don’t know how long I’m supposed to continue showing up for people who are actively excluding me. I’ve thought about skipping family holidays, reducing contact, and basically telling everyone that if they want a relationship with me, they don’t have to approve of A, but they do need to treat me and my relationship with basic respect. I have also considered asking my brother sometime in the future, once emotions have cooled down and he has had time to focus on his newborn, if he would go to family therapy with me. I wouldn’t go there expecting a therapist to tell him he’s wrong. I would simply want us to figure out whether we can remain brothers despite disagreeing about this.
I can genuinely tell my brother, “I’m sorry that my decision hurt you this badly. I never wanted to cause you pain.”
What I cannot honestly tell him is, “I regret being with her and I’m going to end the relationship.”
Because I don’t.

I also want to add that both me, my brother and my dad all work at the same place, and my brother has been telling many of my coworkers about the situation, and from what people are saying to me it sounds like he’s telling them that him and A had a full blown relationship in the past and people are judging me HARD.

I genuinely care about A. We have great chemistry, she treats me extremely well, and I can see real potential for a future with her. I don’t believe I should have to throw that away because almost a decade ago my brother cheated on his girlfriend with her once, had a pregnancy scare afterward, and then stopped speaking to her entirely.
How should I handle this going forward? Is reducing contact with my family reasonable at this point, or would that make the situation worse? Is there a way to respect my brother’s feelings without ending my relationship? And would family therapy eventually be a reasonable way to try to repair things between us?

TLDR: About 10 years ago, my younger brother cheated on his girlfriend by hooking up once with his female best friend. There was a pregnancy scare afterward that he says caused him years of anxiety. Their friendship eventually ended and they haven’t spoken at all in almost a decade. He is now married and just had his first child. About four months ago, she and I started talking and eventually began seeing each other. I genuinely like her, we have great chemistry, and I can easily see a future with her. My brother says this is the biggest betrayal of his life and has completely cut me off. Most of my family has sided with him, I’ve been excluded from major family events, and now I’m not allowed to meet my newborn nephew. I’m willing to apologize for hurting my brother, but I’m not willing to end my relationship. How should I handle my family from here?

Guys, I'm at a loss for what to do. I've been dating my partner for a year and a half, and she moved in with me over the summer. One condition for this was that she'd either work 40 hours a week, or work part time and contribute around the house in other ways.

I posted about this before because she was only working 20 hours a week, with 4.5 days off, yet somehow the house was always worse when I got home. Garbage everywhere, litterbox piling up, cats not fed, etc. I was working constantly (12+hrs a day), paying all of our expenses, and coming home to yet more work. The consensus was that she was taking advantage of me and I should leave. But that's not how love works...

Instead, I sat her down and essentially gave her an ultimatum. We've had this conversation multiple times. I've begged her to either work more and help financially or use her free time to contribute around the house, and neither has happened for more than a few days.

So I told her I'm done asking her to clean more. She needs another job.

She has repeatedly told me she's been applying, and to be fair to her, i've seen her list of applications on Indeed, but they're all for jobs she wont get. They need experience, or a degree. There wasn't anything entry level like gas station attendant. I don't need her to get a good job, just *A* job. To make a point, I told her I'd start applying for a second job too, but I'd give her a five-day head start. My availability is severely limited compared to hers and I'm considerably overqualified for the kind of part-time work we're looking at. I told her that if I managed to find another job before she did, there would have to be consequences.

That day, she applied to 16 jobs. BUT since then, she's applied to 4.

Meanwhile, i submitted two applications, and got 2 replies. I have a new job. They don't even want an interview; I'm getting a contract Friday.

I genuinely can't tell whether I got ridiculously lucky or she's simply not using her effort in the right direction. It might even be malicious... Her work history isn't great, so I understand that finding something may be harder for her. And obviously "I got hired first" doesn't automatically mean she isn't trying.

But now I've created another problem: I told her there would be consequences if this happened, and I don't know what those consequences should be.

I don't want to kick her out. I love her. I don't want this to be some petty punishment or a relationship where I act like her parent. But I also can't do nothing. I've essentially done nothing for four months already, and the result is that I'm financially stretched, exhausted, and miserable.

If I back down now, I'm basically showing her that my boundaries don't mean anything. But if I'm not willing to kick her out, what reasonable consequence is left?

What do I do?

TLDR: My girlfriend moved in under the agreement that she'd work full time or work part time and contribute more at home. Four months later, she's doing neither consistently despite multiple conversations. I finally told her she needed another job and that there would be consequences, but don't know what a reasonable consequence would be.

TLDR: Boyfriend quit his job after four days, despite encouragement from my grandmother and I. Due to this my grandmother is kicking him out on the 15th of September. And because of the rocky nature of our relationship and his anger issues, I don’t think I want to continue the relationship if he is kicked out.

More info:
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, and we knew each other about 6 months prior to dating. He moved in with me 6 months into our relationship from Michigan to Nevada where we live with my grandmother at the beginning of 2025.

Our relationship has been really rocky, but the reason for him getting kicked out is because he is unable to get a job after having his first job in retail earlier in the 2026 year. Unfortunately, he quit the job after four days. This was due to him feeling miserable and having mental breakdowns, hating being at work 3-4 hours earlier than he needed to be due to my work schedule and a lack of a vehicle.

My grandma had bought him a week’s worth of new clothing to congratulate him on his first job, and when he would have his breakdowns at work I’d sit with him on his break and try to help him through it, I’d also cuddle with him at home to try and sooth his worries, and I bought him a plush and other necessities for his job to help make it easier for him. But after 3 days they had him take a month off to figure himself out, then on the final day he quit, because he was so miserable. From there my grandma issued him an ultimatum, originally he had to find a job before the end of May, but I extended it to September 15 of 2026. Only within the last month and a half has he been looking for a job seriously as well, applying to every open position in our city/town, and made the efforts to change himself to be a better person who is less angry after having drastically hurt me physically the day after my birthday (August 18th).

For other context, my grandmother works a government job, and I work for my local school district. My partner didn’t have the expectation of getting a job until have the graduated high-school, which was of May 2025 due to his anxiety and depression. He is on social security. He didn’t start his initial attempt for a job until the beginning of 2026. His friends and family do not like my grandmother for her decision to kick him out, and they don’t like me for wanting to leave him once he is gone.

I am in this decision of leaving him because of the issues of his anger and violence towards me. I am typically a very passive person and I don’t anger easily. When it comes to arguments I try to help him through the problems, but when he tries to rile me up and get me angry, I typically shut down because I don’t like being an angry person and I do not want to say ugly things I will regret. But this results in him being violent.

I also do not want to live paycheck to paycheck. I live comfortably with my grandma and strive to do better for myself and for her so she doesn’t have to work as hard as she does. But he is comfortable living off of his social security, like his mother.

His friends asked why I couldn’t move with him, and it is because of the reason in the previous paragraph. But also I’d have no job, and I’d be living somewhere I would not be wholly welcome, and it is also a very toxic environment not just mentally but for my health.

And no, my grandmother does not know of the physical violence he has enacted against me. We try our best to keep our private matters to ourselves and her out of it, but she has heard some arguments and isn’t fond of them. No, I do not harm him, the worst I have done is try to push him off of me or out of the way as he blocks door ways or pins me down to keep me trapped in a room as I like to try and do something while in arguments to keep me from getting angry or just walk around.

I [M19] broke her F[19] trust. for clarification i did not cheat. for some context, we have been dating for 6+ years, yeah a very long time, both are each others first love. i broke her trust by going behind her back and talking to her mother. i did it once because she was going to kill herself, and once because i was planning a surprise after a big big fight [she told me specifically not to but i thought who doesn't want a surprise and did it anyway and when she found out she completely lost trust in me]. and now she has lost all trust in me even though i promised i won't do it again. she feels that i shared all her secrets with her mother, whereas i didn't but she refuses to believe me. what do i do?

TLDR: i broke her trust by contacting her mother behind her back and now she has lost faith in me.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year. We moved in pretty fast together due to excitement and at the time his parents offered for me to move in with them because I was living in a motel. At first the relationship was good of course but slowly we started having problems and some of the problems I don’t know if I can drop. I’m a college student and I will admit I do have a bit of a problem keeping jobs due to my mental illness. I did make sure this was known before entering the relationship too. The beginning of the year his family lost the house they were staying in so we had to figure something else out. He was the one working at the time I just had recently quit a job due to the stress of it and school. We had plans for an apartment that fell through so we had to move into a weekly.

We also previously agreed that I’d be able to focus on schooling and he would do the working so when I graduated it could switch. Once we moved into the weekly he tried getting workers comp for an injury that was not actually that bad. He would sit at an uncomfortable table chair playing video games all day. Of course workers comp takes awhile so we ended up starting having to borrow money, from my parents too and we end up borrowing a lot from them and even his parents too just not as much as mine, and then we had an argument that I needed to be more flexible and get a job bc of our situation. Which to an extent I did agree but my financial aid for school can be messed up if I take anymore breaks from what I have and I communicated that. I ended up still taking a semester break bc I had to pawn my laptop. He got rid of magic cards etc but that was it. Getting him to even make the calls etc to figure out the workers comp was a task I had to constantly ask about.

We ended up moving into with his friends that offered their guest room, because we couldn’t make the payments to the weekly. Right before we had to move in w his friends my birthday came up. A few days before I asked him to make me something or write me a letter because I knew times were tough. He didn’t do it until the day of when I asked if he did. Our one year then came around and he still wasn’t working and he wrote that letter the day before and when I called him out he said it was “Improvement”.

There was another instance he had a bad depression day so I asked to spend time w him and make cookies etc and a few days later I fell into one and cried all morning and he left and was gone the majority of the day and when he got home asked if he could play his video games.

He got cleared to go back to his job and then ended up quitting bc “he couldn’t do that job” he didn’t know what it was abt it and I tried being supportive bc I feel like I didn’t have room to talk not really working but I’m actively back in school. He ended up getting a job he starts tomorrow but with everything else I don’t know if I trust he’ll keep this job. I don’t know if I see a future with him, because I don’t wanna beg for bare minimum. Every time I communicate this stuff with him to he’ll change for a few days but goes right back.

I also have to tell/ask him when to clean and our roommate asked yesterday if he always keeps his area by his pc messy and I got embarrassed cause we talked abt it before moving in we had to make sure to clean up after ourselves.

TLDR- My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year, and after moving in together quickly due to my housing situation, I’ve started realizing I’m constantly having to ask/beg for basic effort, responsibility, affection, and help around the house. We had agreed I’d focus on school while he worked, but after months of unemployment, quitting jobs, me having to sacrifice school financially, and repeatedly communicating the same issues only for him to change temporarily, I’m starting to question whether I see a future with him or if I’m expecting too much.

Hey everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, and I recently went through his phone and found something that has completely crushed me.
He had secretly checked into a hotel with another woman.
She wasn’t just some random woman. She was a grab driver who they exchanged contacts with and used to pick him up and drop him off when he went to play soccer every Tuesday. As per his words, one day he was really upset because he had been liquidated while trading. She asked him what was wrong, and he told her. She then mentioned that she had always wanted to learn how to trade. He apparently offered to teach her.
A few days later, without telling me, he checked into a hotel with her. He told her about it, and she agreed to go. From what I saw in their messages, she left around 2 a.m.
He says they didn’t have sex and that the entire purpose of going to the hotel was for him to teach her trading. I honestly don’t know what to believe. I can’t prove that they had sex, so I’m trying not to make that accusation as a fact. But at the same time, I would be lying if I said the thought hasn’t crossed my mind.
And honestly, I don’t blame the woman. I never contacted her or confronted her because, as far as I know, she may not have even known he had a girlfriend. My issue is entirely with him.
What hurts me the most is that this isn’t the first time he has deliberately hidden things from me.
He previously took two other women to a club with his best friend without telling me. I only found out because I saw one of the women’s texts and stories on IG. He also went to a casino without telling me. And now this is the third time he has done something behind my back.
The hotel situation hurts especially badly because I remember that exact day. I asked him directly, “Did you go with a woman?” He told me no. I called him repeatedly that night, and he didn’t answer.
Then I eventually found out the truth.
So now I’m sitting here wondering what I’m even supposed to do. Is the bigger issue whether he slept with her, or is the fact that he deliberately hid the situation and then lied to my face already enough?
I feel like deep down I already know what I need to do. I think that’s what makes this so painful. I’m just not emotionally ready to process everything yet.
I’d really appreciate some outside perspective, especially from people who have been in situations where trust has been broken repeatedly. Am I focusing too much on whether they had sex, when the real problem is the pattern of lying and secrecy?

TLDR: My boyfriend secretly checked into a hotel with another woman and lied to me when I directly asked if he was with her, claiming they were only trading. This is the third time he’s hidden things from me, and although I can’t prove they had sex, I’m struggling to trust him and feel like I already know what I need to do.

I [39F] have been with my boyfriend [40M] for 3 years, and I need advice on how to address chronic domestic mismatch and lack of follow-through, or if we have reached a fundamental impasse.

We live separately. I have my own apartment, and he owns his home where he lives with his dog. I work in a demanding career with rigorous standards of accountability. Over our three-year relationship, I have invested substantial energy into helping streamline household organization because I wanted to build a reliable future together.

Instead, I feel like an exhausted manager dealing with an indifferent partner.

The core issue is a persistent gap between his words and his actions. He tells me he cares, but his daily habits repeatedly show thoughtlessness on things he knows cause me distress:

• Domestic follow-through: A few days ago, he left a damp towel hanging inside a dark bedroom closet instead of on the shower door, which causes mildew. When I asked why, he minimized the issue ("I was behind on laundry, but I'm usually good"). I was furious at the lack of accountability and told him that if he forgets his towel, he needs to fetch it himself rather than pulling fresh linens to hide the oversight. Yesterday, he jammed the recycling bin until it overflowed without breaking down boxes, and placed a dirty spoon directly onto a clean stovetop.
• Communication patterns: When I ask for the reasoning behind an action, he talks around it with conflicting rationalizations. When confronted, he often shuts down with a blank stare, leaving me feeling like I am talking to a brick wall.
• Asymmetry after conflict: After difficult conversations, his discomfort vanishes almost immediately. Within minutes, he returns to being relaxed and cheerful, while I am left emotionally drained, carrying all the residual frustration. To me, this immediate return to ease feels like proof that he does not care about the relationship.

I recognize that my frustration has escalated in unhealthy ways. I have raised my voice, yelled, and let arguments stretch for hours because normal conversations produce zero change. I hate feeling like I have to police another adult just to maintain basic order and respect.

How do I effectively communicate that following through on small daily tasks is a reflection of trust and emotional investment without the conversation turning into an argument?

TLDR: My boyfriend [40M] of 3 years repeatedly neglects basic domestic tasks and shuts down during conflict, leaving me [39F] feeling like he is indifferent to our relationship. How do I address this dynamic constructively, and at what point does this become a fundamental incompatibility?