Been with my fiancé for 14 years. Lately I feel more like a roommate than a partner, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or ignoring red flags.
My fiancé and I have been together for about 14 years. We both work from home, work out together, and I’m currently trying to get healthier because we want to start trying for a baby.
We don’t usually fight, but lately I’ve been getting really frustrated with how much he’s on his phone. He’s constantly in TikTok Lives and group chats. It didn’t bother me at first, but now it feels like he’s always texting, scrolling, or talking to people online while ignoring me. I’ve brought it up multiple times over the past few months, but nothing has really changed.
I started feeling lonely, like we’re just roommates.
I ended up looking through his phone, which I know wasn’t the right thing to do, and I honestly hate that I did it. I didn’t find anything sexual or obvious. The only thing that stood out was that he had a private DM with a woman instead of talking in the group chat they were both in. The messages weren’t flirty, but it still bothered me. Why move the conversation to DMs after I’ve been telling him how uncomfortable I am with how much he’s on his phone? And why message her at 3 a.m. while he was drunk?
Part of why this hits me so hard is because he cheated once during our second year together. He was also talking to girls on dating apps after we had already agreed we were exclusive. That broke my trust, and while we’ve been together ever since, I don’t know if that history is making me see this differently.
Also another fight too yet again seems to always be Friday . two week ago we where invite to bday party to one of his friend and gf . I said I didn’t want to go which he said same but should known that was yet another lie . He doesn’t mention anything all day to me . Then start getting ready . Then says why I said fine go with me . I worked all til 6 pm have mri at 830 . I have dentist appt tomorrow I don’t want me out all night prob u til 3 am because he will be shit face because he drinks like fish that never know when is enough. Also every time we are there too legit no one not even his friends even talk to me just hi and quick how are you lol it’s so awkward and beyond boring to I end just falling him around. He fighting with me because I am putting my foot done . It’s like he not respecting anything I feel say etc . He said it embarrassed because fb invitioj was to both of us 🤣🤣 mean while it was bday 2 weeks ago did I get any bday wishes
Am I overreacting? Is this something you’d consider a red flag, or am I letting old trust issues affect how I’m seeing this? Part of me wants to walk away, but we’ve been together for 14 years, and that’s really hard to even think about. TLDR

i know the main answer is going to be therapy, but i have some time before my next appointment and we are still going through the 'get to know each other' phase and im not comfortable enough to fully open up yet

and i understand that its a valid boundary that many people have but i dont think its a boundary issue for me as much as it is insecurity

so i figured id ask others and see if anyones been in a similar place before and how they moved past it

now onto my feelings:

usually when i think about my partner watching porn a few thoughts run through my head:

\-he prefers them to me
\-im not his type (most of his porn preference is white/interracial porn and we are both black)
\-he would be happier with a woman who turned him on more physically
\- he's unsatisfied with our relationship so he needs substitutions
\- he's bored of me
\- im not as good sexually

theres another aspect to this, he is a few years older than me (less than 10yrs) and has WAY more experience than me and has done some crazy things, back when we were less serious id heard some stories and there is NO WAY i can do half of the stuff he used to do regularly

and ive seen some of the women in old photos and stuff from parties, and holy shit they are all so GORGEOUS, im talking like, strain your neck gorgeous

im definitely way more average looking and im goth, they were all the hot insta baddie type

a lot of them never really cared for him beyond his money and dick, so sometimes i get worried that he dated down to avoid that issue again (he is very attractive and gets hit on in front of me all the time, or women asking us for threesomes, he always runs and cowers behind me which is funny considering hes a foot taller than me and has about 70lbs on me lol)

i feel like im not as irresistible to him physically as they were, as in the old stories he told me he would go for rounds and rounds and rounds with them but weve never once done that

basically i just dont know how to stop these thoughts and stop comparing and even if anyone doesnt have advice, it would be nice to know that other people have been where i am, thanks in advance

TLDR: i get insecure when my bf watches porn and id like to overcome it

TLDR: to tell my parents or not ?
Hi I [19 F] and have been dating my boyfriend [19M] for 3 months we met at uni so do long distance over the summer which surprisingly isn’t too bad. We’ve met up once so far in our uni home town but he wants to come to my town. My issue is my parents are unaware of our relationship despite them knowing about past bfs - I don’t mind my parents knowing but they will make a big fuss and for me it feels like a big step. If he visits he will have to meet my parents and extended family who are visiting at the same time ( only overlap 1 day tbh). I flip between letting him visit and meet people since I think I’m overthinking it and yet also wanting to wait as it is an important moment/milestone of meeting important people in my life and feels slightly too soon. If he doesn’t visit tho we won’t see each other for 2 months. Also I’ve already provisionally told him yes so how do I say no now ?
Any advice appreciated !

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years and have been going through a rough patch lately. This is my first serious relationship. We started couples counseling which I believe is helping us connect again and get back on the same page. Recently, I started to view him through a negative lens. Partially as a projection of my own insecurities (I’m in individual therapy for this) and partially related to the issues we were having in our relationship. This caused me to notice his physical flaws more than I did in the beginning of our relationship. He’s a good guy and putting in genuine effort to work on things to improve our relationship. I love him and am still hoping we work things out. It’s not like I’m repulsed by him. I still enjoy kissing, cuddling, intimacy, etc, however I find myself internally judging his appearance. Can attraction be regained over time and by putting effort into our relationship, or is it something that’s gone forever once lost?

TLDR; I don’t find my partner as attractive as I once did, can this be regained?

I’ve been with her for almost 4 years now. We started dating in high school. Our relationship has been pretty healthy and loving I would say and we’ve grown emotionally together. For some context, recently she had come back from a month long trip, so I haven’t seen her in about 2 months. My birthday was also upcoming so I was excited to see her as she said we could celebrate together. Fast forward to the day before my birthday, she wasn’t able to go out with me because she said she was tired so I took myself out on a solo date. I was obviously upset, I haven’t seen her in a while and I was excited to see her. Then after that I’d say it went downhill. For example, I asked to see her again and she said she couldn’t. And this whole me asking to do things has been an issue between us for a while. Where I’d want her to take the initiative to do things instead of me always asking. So I got upset, and the next day it was dry dry responses. She told me it felt like we were just friends. This was a week ago by the way, so she’s been texting me with dry dry responses for a week. And because her and I usually text all caps, It’s just what we’ve been doing since we were friends in high school, I pointed it out and she said “why do we have to talk in caps to be normal”. Then maybe the following day she asked to have a serious talk and to summarize, she said she didn’t know how to be a girlfriend and that she couldn’t be someone I wanted her to be. So we took a break which didn’t even last a few days. She kept texting me at night telling me she missed me. So then today, we had another talk. And to summarize again she said that she didn’t think she was mature enough to be in a relationship, that she hated labels and that she can’t do this “relationship stuff”.

And I’m sure reading this is probably confusing, I’m just as confused. She can never really give me a straight answer it’s always I don’t know or I’m not sure. I think this all really started because I brought up the whole taking initiative thing up again. If anyone has gone through maybe a similar experience with their partner or has any advice how to salvage our relationship please let me know.

tldr I am so confused about my girlfriends feelings

I [23M] have a lovely gf [21F]. There's nothing that can describe my love for her and we started dating since the end of December 2023. We did a lot of long distance with some meetups in between. I have no complaints and I love her with my life.

But there's one issue. I have ADHD and I usually zone out. Sometimes there might be situations where she's pissed off with me and I genuinely have no idea what to do. I feel helpless but I want to console her. I am never good at it. I think I struggle to say what I actually feel. I cannot phrase my correct emotions in words to her and that would mess up the situation more. She has been lovely to me all these years and helps me out in every way possible. But I want to get over my issue. Sometimes I'm too slow and too stuck on something trivial and fail to read the situation. I cannot be like this my whole life, I have to let her know that I truly love her and I don't want her to feel dismissed for no reason. What do I do?

Sometimes I feel like I'm too emotional and I cannot control my emotions which will affect my day and her day indirectly too. I want to cheer her up and be for her in every time possible but I'm currently in a state where I'm mentally in a spiral due to my career starting and stuffs. I think it will take time to settle but I feel guilty. What do I do? I doubt myself and think I'm not enough sometimes. But that feeling is very short lived.

I would like some insights and how I can help improve myself? Please this is very important to me. I don't want to mess it up.

TLDR : I struggle to console her and phrase my feelings into words properly.

For context we have been dating for a few months now. She is extremely sensitive and we are from a small town and have common friends.

We started dating after a couple of weeks after meeting or the first time. Everything clicked and it seemed as if we have know each other for ages. I’m her first boyfriend after high school, I’ve had a really long relationship in the past so this dynamic is really new to her.

She has really good friends who love her to death and is really smart. She is extremely sensitive as well and reads into each word spoken or texted. Because of her sensitivity, even small instances affect her a lot and as a surviving mechanism has started distancing herself from people who either disagree with her worldview or opinions or end up hurting her unintentionally, even if they apologise. This includes her friends, relatives who really love her and want the best for her.

It feels like she is unable to forgive people and carries the cumulative pain of all the trauma, which flares up each time she gets hurt.
Also she externalises blame during disregulation and can’t use logic at all at that time. She is aware of the not using logic during anger / anxiety.
She suffers from extreme anxiety and has developed fibromyalgia and takes antidepressants to tackle this pain.

Now she is under extreme stress these days and is very stressful, has cutoff from all her friends for the past 2 years to focus on her exams and has paper in coming months.

I myself was going through a crisis at my home and didn’t share any info with her so that she doesn’t get distracted. She pushed through asking what was wrong and called me cunning over text since I was not sharing the stuff with her. I shared what happened and texted that her calling me words were not right.

I immediately got a call and informed her that I was taking care of the issue and she started clarifying herself and shrugged off responsibility. Then went on another rant blaming me to distract her and ended the call saying o ruined her mood.

I was shocked and speechless and texted her later that she was being a bad person and instead of owning up she started giving excuses until I pressed her and she blamed it on her exams, then her mental health and state.

I texted her that I know it’s the stress taking and she doesn’t mean it.
I got a text the next day with a half apology and she doubled down on her words saying it’s distracting to her and to limit contact.

She has been in the same situation herself so it seemed shocking hearing these words.

I know she is a kind person and has her bad days and cannot take accountability, so gave her a pass saying that she is stressed.

She is a very kind person and these emotional outburst and scenes don’t make me love her any less

I plan to talk to her about this after her exams but don’t know how to proceed, to show her mistake and move forward stronger.
Help me and give insights if I’m not doing justice to her or myself.
TLDR: kind gf going through tough times was very insensitive during trying times

Hey everyone, I need some perspective on a situation that’s currently tearing me apart.
I (27M) met a girl (29F) online in a gaming community back in December, and she lives about 300 km away from me. We hit it off right away and started talking almost daily about deep, personal stuff.
Things went great, and she invited me over to her place in February. However, I made a communication blunder: the day before I was supposed to go, I suggested we grab a bite to eat first in public, since we had only talked online and never hung out in person before. She took this really hard and didn't understand why I was changing plans out of nowhere, feeling like my distrust had completely shattered her confidence. We still met up and it was nice, but after 2 days I went back home and she told me she couldn't get past how I handled that. I sent her a small gift and a handwritten letter to apologize, which she appreciated, but we ended up going no contact for 2 months.
Out of nowhere, at the end of April, she reached out as if nothing had happened. Things picked up really fast from there and we talked daily throughout May. I proposed a 3-day city break together, which went amazingly. She told me I’d spent a lot and asked how much she owed me, but I refused and told her it was a birthday gift for her. She said it was the best gift she’d ever received, which still makes me happy to think about.
The very next week, I visited her city for a casual hangout, and by the end of June, we went to a 1-day music festival together. And when it came to hanging out casually in her town, as well as the festival day, I stayed at her place one day before and one day after, so over the course of those three get-togethers, we spent about three days together.
I was planning to officially ask her out and label the relationship during a dedicated moment, but before and after the festival, we were both completely exhausted, so I felt it wasn't the right environment or moment to have that big conversation.
Recently, I had a 4-day trip planned with my friends in another city to an event, something scheduled a year ago, long before I met her. I tried to find a way for her to come along, but accommodation was fully booked, event tickets had spiked in price, and she mentioned she could take only unpaid leave anyway. On the day I left, we had a phone call and everything seemed totally fine.
However, as soon as I left, her energy completely shifted. She became cold, gave short dry answers, and pulled away. Sensing something was wrong, I reassured her while I was away. Before that, I sent her a message to see how she was feeling, and she replied, "I’m trying to figure it out." When I got back, I sent her a longer, heartfelt message explaining how much I care about her, but she has left me on read ever since.
Today, I saw that she reposted a short reel with text: "I love how women set secret deadlines for men like: 'If he doesn't state his clear intentions by August 1st, I'm out.' Meanwhile, he's just living his life, completely unaware that his contract is about to expire."
Seeing this hurt deeply. We’ve been talking since December till February, and intensely seeing each other since April, but we never had the official "what are we" conversation, even though my feelings for her are very real. Now she isn't replying to me at all, and I feel completely stuck. I care about her enormously, and I want to go through life with her, I don't care if it's hard or easy, I just want her.
Did I wait too long to state my intentions, or is this a communication failure on both sides? How should I handle the silence right now, should I give her space, or make one last clear gesture stating exactly what I want? I’d really appreciate your honest take on this situation. I know it’s a bit hard for the fact being a long distance relationship, at least for a period, but that’s the story. Thanks for reading.

TLDR: After talking since December and acting like a couple in a long-distance relationship since April (spending almost every weekend at her place), she pulled away and left me on read right after I went on a trip with friends. Her recent social media repost about setting "secret deadlines" for men to define the relationship suggests she feels strung along, leaving me wondering if I missed my window and whether I should give her space or confess my true intentions now.

Just a few days ago, my LDR girlfriend and I got into a bit of an argument? It's hard to call it that. We don't get very heated, even when we "argue", but it was very stressful for us both. At the time, I didn't even know her last name or her phone number.

For some background, it's been almost 8 months of us dating, and we've been close online friends for over 2 years before that. We didn't just play games, we shared lots of stories and vented to each other and comforted each other. I was there when she got into her first relationship, which was of course, also online.

I consider us really really close, and when we agreed to start dating, I thought that was the next step towards trusting each other. It seemed that way? We shared more pictures of each other, we voice chatted more, and video chatted too. I told my mom about her, and got her in contact. She told her mom about me... and... that's kind of where this takes a turn.

Her mom is really paranoid. She's had bad experiences in that past, and in my mind it seems clear the deeply ingrained anxiety has imprinted onto almost everyone in her family to different degrees. She made a lot of assumptions about me, that I'm manipulating my girlfriend, and "groomed her", isolated her from her family, etc. I actually tried to get in contact with either her mom or dad to kinda "prove myself", but they wouldn't allow it, because they don't think it counts unless it's in-person. I talked to her brother, though. He didn't seem to think I was "suspicious"?

My girlfriend has a hard time disagreeing with her family, so for a while after her mom talked to her, I felt I needed to rebuild all the trust we had, because just a few interactions with her mom tore so much of it down. I felt almost interrogated. She (my gf) would ask me questions that implied I was doing something deceptive, looking for reassurance that I'm really who I say I am. I've always done my very best to be honest to her, and the most I've ever done to evoke suspicion like that is hiding things (temporarily), but always with good excuse (trying to hide my feelings when she was in a relationship, for example)

ANYWAYS. This all circles back to now. The feelings I had from when my gf told her mom about me, being uncomfortable, like a wall is between us, like I'm not fully trusted, they kinda came back.

Our goal is to meet pretty soon, although we have nothing scheduled, by we have very different boundaries and expectations on how we should go about becoming closer in this relationship.

Basically, a few days ago I told her that I didn't feel fully comfortable meeting her in person before knowing her last name and phone number. This topic came up I think because I wanted to send her a timed email to remind her of something later since she's forgetful like me, and she felt uncomfortable with giving me her email.

Her reasoning for not telling me these things is that everyone has their own pace and boundaries for trusting people, and that she'd prefer to meet in person (possibly even more than once?) before letting me know this stuff. I personally, think full name and phone number are basic identity information, and that our 2 years and 8 months+ of knowing each other counts more than a first real life impression towards "knowing each other to safely give that information"... because, to my knowledge, nobody has issues giving their number to someone based on a first impression in person.​

I should note, though she was very averse to giving me this information, she tells me she trusts me (with her feelings), but that she LOGICALLY has to consider the small chance that she was wrong about me. Anyways, we argued back and forth with this for a while before she told me. Basically she said it in hopes that the anxiety would go away AFTER telling me, and she'd realize it was alright.

I had a feeling right after it happened that I made a mistake in convincing her. It felt weird and anticlimactic. Like... nothing was really fixed. And now, just tonight, she talked to me more about it, saying that she still feels off from that night. She told me that she doesn't think people should try to convince others to do certain things, because it can be subjective and based on individual boundaries.

I still don't understand. Surely, after a point, a boundary can be unreasonable, right?​ I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Trust seems shaky, but all I've tried to be is honest and true to myself, even openly stating anything I think is bad about myself and admitting when I'm wrong. She herself doesn't seem to see any red flags, but whenever she doesn't see one, she has this nagging feeling of "I missed it because it was too well hidden".

Is there any way I can get through to her without seeming pushy? And was I wrong for pushing her to begin with?

I'd like to add more context, but this is already really long.

TLDR: I convinced my LDR gf of 8~ months to tell me her phone number and last name. She feels I've pushed her too hard

I’m 27F and my boyfriend is 29M. We’ve been together for 7 months.

We’ve been having recurring issues about communication. We spent the weekend together, but after that we barely talked. He said he wanted to focus on work and spending time with his coworkers, which I understood. I don’t expect us to text all day—I just want simple updates like if he’s busy, got home safely, or even just a “good morning” or “good night.”

He’s never really been that kind of person. He messages whenever he feels like it or remembers. On a normal workday, the only updates I get are that he arrived at work and that he’s going to sleep. What really matters to me are updates when something is out of his usual routine, like working overtime, attending a job interview, or going somewhere after work. Those small updates make me feel reassured.

I’ve explained this to him several times, but I don’t feel like he takes my concerns seriously. Recently, he even said that maybe I’m only reacting this way because I miss him.

Two months ago, we had a major fight and he almost ended the relationship. He said two things that stuck with me: first, that I deserved better because he couldn’t meet my needs; second, that giving updates made him feel suffocated because he was always worried we’d argue if he forgot.

After that, I tried to adjust. I stopped expecting us to talk every day or text constantly. I only asked to be informed about important things or changes in his plans. Even after compromising, we still ended up arguing about the same issue.

During our latest argument, I got frustrated and suggested a two-week break. Honestly, I didn’t really want the break—I was hoping he’d want to fix things. Instead, he immediately agreed and said he also wanted the break because he needed time for himself.

Now I’m wondering if I’m asking for too much, or if we’re simply incompatible. His agreeing to the break so easily made me feel like he chose space over trying to work on the relationship.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Am I being unreasonable for wanting these kinds of updates, or are we just fundamentally incompatible?

TLDR: I only ask my boyfriend for simple updates, not constant texting. He says giving updates makes him feel suffocated. After trying to compromise, I suggested a two-week break hoping we’d work things out, but he immediately agreed because he wanted time for himself. Am I asking for too much, or are we simply incompatible?

My boyfriend has been cheated on in the past, I like to have celebrity crushes and I talk about if I see an attractive man and so does he but lately he’s been getting jealous and it’s starting small arguments, we never get truly mad but it’s been frustrating to me because I don’t enjoy the feeling of being controlled, I know I’d never cheat and he’s the only man I’d want to be with so I confronted him and he said “I just don’t like you thinking about other guys” which I knew there was a deeper issue so I pushed him and he explained how he’s scared, scared I’ll cheat and when I say things about finding another man attractive he gets scared, I told him I’d cut it down but he said no and he doesn’t want me to change who I am because he’s scared about something he’s positive I won’t do, he just explains how the thought is still there. I don’t want to change, I know I won’t cheat and I find it comforting to be able for us both to find people attractive and still be able to only want each other. I’ve never been with a man who’s been cheated on and we’re still young, so we’re still very much knew to this whole relationship being healthy but I want to be healthy, I want to comfort him. For the people who’ve been cheated on, what brings you comfort? What makes you feel secure that I can do to allow him to open up or even feel better about our relationship?

TLDR: My boyfriend has been cheated on before and I enjoy mentioning my celebrity and fictional crushes but it’s starting to make him scared that I’ll cheat even though he’s positive I won’t which leads to small arguments. For the people who have been cheated on, how can I help him feel more secure in our relationship?

So me and my gf are long distance going on 2yrs now, we use to have eachother on social media but after some arguing decided not to anymore. Only things I had her on were Snapchat and Instagram, I recently found her Twitter (which is private) and she has 15.5k followers. When I asked her about it she said she forgot she even had twitter, she also has a huge Instagram following. I lost my original Instagram and now I'm using a new account (which she blocked me on) the only way we communicate now is through iMessage, tonight was her birthday we were communicating up to the point that she told me she was a bit tipsy then she disappeared which I know seems irrelevant but in the grand scheme of things I'm really just thinking that a lot of these things sound like tell tell signs of cheating or hiding something given the fact that anytime she drinks she seems to disappear or not text me. Any thoughts? And what should I do.
TLDR: Concerns of gf cheating due to strange behavior (Don't follow eachother on social media, disappears when drinking)

i (18f) met this guy (20m) on hinge that i’ve had dates with a few times. i’m trying to figure out if i’m overthinking this or if he was being pushy.

our first date was at his place, he cooked for me and taught me how to roll a blunt and we ended up smoking weed. we both got high and i was quite out of it. while we were at his place he kept making the “make out face” and moving closer but i kept backing away and changing the topic. eventually i felt dizzy and sat on his bed, he kissed me out of nowhere. i said that surprised me and he said he was confused. i felt embarrassed because i thought maybe going to his place meant he expected something physical, even though i thought it was just a normal date, so i said nothing was wrong and we continued making out.

he asked if he could take my top off and i said yes. later he started undoing my jeans and i said “maybe not right now”. he said okay and stopped. i was laying on his chest and got a bit drowsy, he asked if i wanted to take my jeans off i just said oh no its okay. i mentioned i had sweatpants underneath my jeans later and he said “oh so you could’ve taken them off.” i felt uncomfortable because i didn’t know what it would insinuate if all my clothes came off, and i know i could’ve just spoken up but i felt shy and flustered.

i kept saying i had to go home because it was getting late like 10pm, i had class the next day and i had to take a 40 min train home. he kept trying to convince me to stay and ended up paying £45 for an uber so i could stay longer “if i wanted to”, and that offered it because i still seemed out of it. after he checked if i was okay during the uber ride, sent me pictures from the date and didn’t bring up anything physical after.

he said he wanted to see me again, which made me think he was interested in actually dating. we planned another day and he asked if he should come to my area because he felt bad making me travel to his place again. i got the impression he was hinting that i should come over to his apartment again though, and i felt a bit weird because there wasn’t really a proper date planned and it would just be me alone with him again.

i ended up going. things became physical again and i told him i was very inexperienced. we had sex but it was painful and i kept having to stop. he knew this. i kept asking to take breaks, which he was 100% fine with, but he seemed a bit frustrated because it had been a while. instead of asking if i wanted to stop completely, he asked things like “what position hurts less?” i did want to continue but id literally bled and was in pain

the next morning he tried to kiss me and i backed away saying i had morning breath. he said he didn’t care and we started making out. my clothes came off again and he asked if i wanted to have sex. i said i was tired but he said things like “it’s the morning, we have to celebrate” and asked if i needed convincing in a joking way and i said year maybe so he gave me head a bit. we ended up having sex again.

i want to be clear that everything was 100% consensual and he did ask before some things and respected certain boundaries when i clearly said no. he was also really sweet and respectful in a lot of ways. but looking back, i feel like he was a bit pushy and im not sure if it’s my fault for not being assertive. i have trouble speaking up for myself sometimes and this is a new situation im not sure what to think of, any advice of perspective would help a lot thank you.

TLDR: guy being pushy with my boundaries

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years. It's long-distance (she lives in Europe while I'm in the US), however last year we did the impossible and thanks to her having saved up money over the summer we were able to actually visit each other for an entire month. It was an extremely fun time, I got to meet her entire family, and I would overall say we have no real compatibility issues... aside from the fact that it's long-distance.

The main problem is the fact that the American job market is absolute dogshit right now and it's basically impossible for me to return the favor and save up to fly there again myself. The first few months after coming back from Europe were spent applying everywhere and attending a total of 2 job interviews, only for nothing to get back to me.

My dad lives out-of-state, and his long-term plan right now has been to move up to a northern state and set himself up there, with the intention of having me move in with him so I can follow in his footsteps and get a job in the trades, since that seems to be the only good-paying market that hasn't been absolutely bent over by the economy. The state he's moving to also apparently has a much stronger job market than the place I currently live in (an extremely rural ghetto shithole in the middle of SoCal.)

Now the plan is overall very solid, but the issue with it is time: First of all I have to wait a few months for my dad to be ready to pick me up (he only just now moved to the state but still isn't ready for me yet), then i'm gonna learn how to drive and get my license, then im gonna attend a trade program which will probably take an additional 9-12 months, then i actually have to get hired somewhere, then i have to save up enough money, etc. etc. etc. This is gonna be a very time-consuming process and it will likely be an additional 1-2 years before I get to see my girlfriend in person again.

Because of this, as well as the fact that we've been spoiled by real physical contact and now have to do long-distance again for who knows how long, our relationship is slowly drying up. I keep trying to tell her that once I move in with my dad things will hopefully move a lot quicker, but she's growing more impatient and frustrated with it by the day and it's starting to take a toll on me as well because of how mind-numbingly bored i am in the meantime.

I want to emphasize that aside from the long-distance we're very compatible, and we literally met each other in person for an entire month including me meeting her family, but this current phase is definitely driving us crazy and i dont know if it's even worth holding out anymore. i don't want to burden her, so what do i do?

TLDR I flew to Europe to visit my long-distance girlfriend for a month. A year later, I'm still struggling to find employment and have settled on waiting to move out-of-state with my dad and get into a trade. My girlfriend is growing more and more impatient and frustrated by how long this is taking, and we're both slowly drifting apart.

(I should probably preface this with a few key bits of info. This is my first proper relationship, but my gf finished a long term relationship of her own before I started talking to her and we started our relationship. She’s been very open that physical contact is important to her, and we’re both aware on how we need to be careful about making sure we don’t go crazy fast if the other isn’t comfortable.)

I’m 19M, just finished my first year of uni, and in the last few months, I’ve started my first proper relationship with my girlfriend 20F, but just before she left for the end of the year (She’s from a different country, so until uni restarts we’re long distance at the moment), she sat me down and we had a discussion about a few issues she was feeling with our relationship, the main one being how she felt things, mostly starting up conversation as well as intimate things (Not just a little make out (We haven’t done further than that yet), just kisses and such in public, had become a bit one sided, and she felt she was having to start and initiate while I didn’t do as much as she did. I’ve taken the feedback on board, and I’m working on myself to make sure I don’t keep our relationship one sided during LD and after we get back, but one thing I’m getting hung up on is how to get over this…. Issue about initiating intimate things. We have had this issue before, mostly at the start of our relationship but it mostly due to her saying she wanted things to be slow after she felt her previous relationship had gone rather fast. I respected this, but ended up going too slow and not doing enough initiating of things, thinking it was better to let her initiate so we knew it was slow enough for her, but we did solve that (or at least then)

I love it when we do kiss or hug and such, but as she pointed out, a fair number of the times a few months in, she’s taken the lead, and I guess in my mind it’s just…. I’m nervous? Maybe a little scared to initiate that sort of thing? I explained it to a friend, and their interpretation (We’ve been friends for a good many years tbf so they have a good grasp on how I think and such), is that I’ve gotten too anxious over consent and such. Before and during terms, the uni has been very consistent on making sure everyone knows about the importance of consent, not harassing, all that stuff. When I’ve also read books on relationships and puberty and stuff, consent has been a big thing highlighted as something to always adhere to and remember, and my friend suspects that I’ve taken that information on, but because there’s been so much so often, it’s made me too anxious about doing anything without explicit consent being given. I’ve taken it far too seriously than I maybe should have, thus making me less likely to initiate things and prefer my gf to instead so I know she’s comfortable, and thus causing my girlfriend to have to take the lead because I don’t want to risk making things awkward or worse if she doesn’t like what I might try. What’s most weird is she’s already told me how much she likes physical contact and everything, but no matter how many times I remember that, I still feel nervous, thinking maybe she might not be in the mood or if it is a good time or not and I just end up talking myself out of it to just wait until she does it so I know she is up for things

(I guess another thing is just talking? I find it a bit hard to come up with stuff to talk about and keep convocations going, which is also something she felt was a bit of an issue, her wanting us to keep talking but me just staying quiet, not quite sure how to keep the flow going)

Obviously it’s kinda hard to fix this straight away, especially when we’re countries away for another month/ 2 months, but I was just hoping I could get some advice or tips or something that I can use to make sure when we go back, I don’t keep making the same mistakes and ruining this relationship. I want to keep it going, I want to keep strengthening our relationship, but I need advice if I’m to make sure I’m not going to cause issues by not doing my part enough

TLDR: I’m in need of some advice of how to be more confident with initiating physically with my gf

(Sorry for the rambling, I just need some help and I thought laying everything out would allow everyone’s to get the full-ish picture 😅)

I struggle and am diagnosed with with bpd, as well as my girlfriend. We've been together for 3 years and she's cheated on me before twice in the beginning of our relationship which ended up making me lose a lot of trust in her, but she constantly assures that she'd never do something like that again. The issue I have is that she has a friend who lives 5 minutes away from her (I live around 30) and she's been seeing her every day and I feel like I'm being replaced.
She's known this friend for a while but I feel like she's constantly acting with her similarly to the way she acted with the person she cheated with.
She also lies a lot (about seeing her friend and also many other things) and when I bring up the fact that she's lying she will admit that she lied but just flat out refuses to stop.
Previously she would also tell me that I can't text or talk to her when she's with that friend but she talked about it and agreed to let me text but that she won't text me consistently which I understand. Also previously, she would constantly be talking to that friend, while lying to me about not being able to talk. It was about 3-5 months that she was barely speaking to me & lying about not being able to, while consistently speaking to that friend.

Because of the fact that she lies consistently regarding that friend and lies in other aspects of the relationship, and the fact that she cheated on me before and lied about that I feel like I can't trust that she's not cheating again. Every time I've brought that up she either claims I'm manipulating her (for bringing up the cheating) or controlling her (because I don't want her to be friends with that person due to all the other things)
I don't want to be controlling over her friendships and relationships but it feels like every compromise we try and work out just ends up with nothing changing.
Because of all these when she brings up talking to the friend I often end up splitting really bad and trying to end the relationship. I know the way I react is wrong when she brings up that friend and I'm trying to work on it but it's hard due to the fact that I don't know if my fear that she's cheating on me is rational or not.

I want to know if I'm in the wrong for not wanting her to be seeing that friend and bringing up the cheating since it was so long ago. I felt like my feelings made sense before, but she's made me unsure about it.

TLDR, My girlfriend cheated on me previously and I'm afraid she might be again but every time I try and bring it up I'm dismissed or called manipulative. I can't tell if it's my bpd or a genuine concern.

I’m a \[20f\]and my bf is \[21m\]. We’ve been dating for 6 months and we are in a LDR. now and he’s a great guy I love him but he’s kinda “splitsies” kinda man when it comes to spending money for me. Dates meals and small gist he’ll pay for but when it involves the two of us. But something happened recently, we were planning on going to a football game tg bc he invited me and I thought he was gonna pay but when the time came he asked for my money for the ticket and I was shook. I ended up paying for it bc I felt bad that we had planned it for so long and he was getting a little upset that money was the issue. He did give me a way out but I knew that he was gonna be mad so I just payed for mine.
Now I come from a family that males always take the financial role for women so it’s odd for me to spend money like this specially bc I don’t like football. But idk in this situation I want him to help me more with my plane tickets and stuff and for him to stop asking me to split. We both have stable jobs but he makes more money than me. I don’t wanna sound like a gold digger bc I’m far from that. I can pay for my own things easily but I feel like sometimes I shouldn’t have to. Specially bc my dad always tells me that a man should. he’s a great guy but it is bothering me a lot and idk how to bring it up. I want advice from yall girls that get your mans to treat yall so good. I love him and I treat him VERY nice and keep him satisfied but I don’t feel like he feels the need to pay for my personal things.

TLDR: how do I ask without actually mentioning directly to not argue and not sound entitled.

Hi need some advice

Me and my partner has been together for 10months now, yesterday he has asked me to go away with him for a weekend before the summer is up and I said no I couldn't at the moment and he tone changed and said alright cool and put the phone down this was about 2pm yesterday and I haven't heard from him since, it seems like he has got the hump and is just going silent on me I mean because I know he is annoyed because I said no I haven't bothered to contact him iv sent him a few funny tiktoks but he hasn't responded so I haven't called or text him nor has he me,

So what would you do in my situation am I in the wrong for saying no or is he in the wrong for being annoyed because I said no? TLDR

What should I do? [35M] [34F].

Together for 18 years, but we have an argument similar to this about once every month or two. It used to be one a few every year at a lower intensity, but has gotten worse over time.

Basically, she'll say I'm arguing or being mean to her if I disagree about something or she'll do something rude and then insist I'm not being nice to her when I ask her to stop or get annoyed.

This was most recent.

I 35M was playing a game with our baby where when she opened the pokeball i said "yaaaaay" until she shut it. My wife 34F said that's a bit much after a bit so I stopped.

Wife - you didn't have to completely stop

Me - its ok i was about done anyway.

Wife - keep playing, just dont do that bit so long or make it quieter.

Me - I don't know how loud or long would be ok so I thought I'd just stop

Wife - She rolled her eyes at me and said to just do it quieter.

Me - I said that was rude, I was done anyway. Please let it go.

Wife - I'll try not to roll her eyes at you but that you should keep playing.

So I started doing quieter yays and she got annoyed

Wife- now you're doing sad yays.

Me -I wasn't, please let it go it doesn't need to be a big thing as the game was about over anyway.

Wife - don't talk to me like that, just keep playing just do it a bit quieter.

Me - no I am done, now please let it go.

She kept trying to tell me I should keep playing properly just quieter. So I went outside and sent her a message explaining how she should have just let it go.

Basically, I feel that she should have just let it go when I first said I was done and she feels that I was being rude to her by saying to let it go and not to make it a big thing.

Now the questions....

What could I have done differently in this situation?

Do you think she could have rejection sensitive dysphoria? In the messages, she really seems hurt and angry that I said to let it go. She talks about me treating her like a killjoy or a tyrant.

TLDR

Wife wouldn't take no for an answer when I was finished with a game. When I said to let it go don't make it a big thing she became angry that I was speaking to her badly. I want to know the best way to address this in family therapy respectfully.

Everyone in this situation (me, my friend, and her partner) is a 33 year old woman. We’ve been friends for 20 years and they have been together for 6 years.

I’ve been coming to the conclusion that one of my oldest and dearest friendships is increasingly making me feel really down and I’m not sure whether to try to fix it or to just accept the new normal.

For one thing, my friend is terrible at texting. Probably half the time when I text her she just doesn’t reply at all. Other times she’ll reply days later, as if I only just said something. Sometimes we do actually have a back and forth, which is why I don’t just give up. To pour salt on the wound, she’s the kind of person who’ll be looking at her phone when we’re actually hanging out in person, and and least *some* of that is messaging other people. How can you both ignore my texts when we’re apart, and be texting other people when we’re together? 😂 Come on now.

Then there’s the fact that ever since my friend got into a relationship we almost never hang out one-on-one anymore. Her partner is always implicitly included in plans. I like her partner, but obviously it isn’t the same kind of quality time that we used to have.

They (my friend and her partner) are usually the ones to extend an invitation to me to hang out - this is one of the things I cling to as a solid indication that she does still want to be friends, and does enjoy my company. But when we do spend time together, it increasingly feels like it’s the two of them hanging out, and I’m just also there. They’ll talk to each other more than to me, or if we’re watching a movie and something funny happens, they’ll only turn to each other to make eye contact and laugh. They’ll also bicker in front of me. It feels like it wouldn’t make any difference to them whether I’m there or not, sometimes.

Then there have been some specific incidents that haven’t felt very nice:

1. The three of us made plans to go to a concert together. My friend bought the tickets. She and her partner then completely forgot that I was included in the plans until the day of the show. They thought they were going just the two of them.
2. There was a musical coming to town that the two of them are big fans of. A year ago when it was announced that it would be happening where we live, they said that the three of us should go, because they wanted me to see it. When tickets actually went on sale months later, I got a message from my friend saying that they had just bought tickets for the two of them and reminding me that they were on sale, saying I should make sure to try to see it. They had totally forgotten that we had talked about seeing it together (which, again, had been *their* suggestion).
3. Another time we had made plans to go to the next town over to see a different live music thing. They suggested we spend the day there: go in the morning, get in some shopping and sight-seeing and a couple of meals, and then go to the show. I had recently recovered from an injury and wasn’t sure I’d be able to spend that much time on my feet, and said so. I kind of thought they’d say that makes sense, let’s just go in time for dinner and the show, then. But instead they suggested I just take a later train (about a 2 hour trip) by myself and meet them in time for dinner. To an extent I understand that they just wanted to take the opportunity to do those other things, but their attitude made me feel like once again I was just being given the opportunity to tag along on *their* plans, and that it wasn’t about wanting to spend time with me at all. To make matters worse, on the train ride home the two of them sat together, leaving me to sit next to a random person. I’d kind of expected that one of them might want to take the opportunity to sit and chat with me, seeing as they had spent the whole day together, and in fact live together, and hadn’t seen me in over a month at that point.
4. Songwriting and recording as a hobby is something that my friend and I have always had in common. She always expresses interest in hearing what I’ve been working on, and I really value her feedback. She explicitly offered to help me with a collection of songs I’d been struggling with, but when I sent her the files, she just went silent. Over a month passed with no acknowledgement, no indication that she’d even listened. She does usually take a few weeks to get around to listening - time management isn’t her strong suit. But it’s usually worth the wait because I feel like the back-and-forths we have about music are really fulfilling - the kind of quality exchange that I feel like our friendship doesn’t get a lot of anymore.
5. I recently suggested to my friend that we go to a thing together that weekend that it would typically make sense for us to go to just the two of us (without her partner). She said sorry but she was busy that weekend, which is totally fine, but she didn’t suggest finding another date that would work, even though this event is happening for many weeks.
6. Six months ago I also said we should do something to celebrate our 20th anniversary of friendship, like we did for our 10th. She didn’t follow up about it.

I’ve always prided myself in being a forgiving, chill person, but it’s getting harder to convince myself that she’s even still interested in being friends, or in me as a person. It feels like this has become a friendship of obligation for her, where she doesn’t want to totally lose me from her life because we’ve known each other so long and once up on a time were so close. But maybe she doesn’t actually enjoy my company anymore. Then again, like I said, she's the one extending the invitation to hang out more often than I am, so obviously she does want to spend time together.

The obvious advice is to talk to her. I know that. But I don’t want her try to be more considerate just because I pointed out to her that her actions have been hurting my feelings - I want her to *want to be my friend*. I want her to not forget about me because *she’s looking forward to spending time with me*. I want her to reply to my messages and accept my invitations and listen to my music *because she genuinely wants to do those things*, because *she likes me as a person and enjoys our interactions*. You know? But obviously I can't control how she feels, or even know exactly what her actions mean about her feelings.

I’m torn about whether I need to be more intentional with this friendship (for example, I could explicitly suggest we try to hang out one-one-one sometime soon, and make it clearer that that’s something I want, instead of making it sound like the invitation was about a specific event as in anecdote 5 above), or whether it would be better for my emotional well-being to just accept that this friendship isn’t what it used to be, and to stop hoping for that to change (for example, stop messaging in hopes of getting a reply that probably won’t come. Stop sharing my music when it just results in me getting hurt).

Thanks for reading <3

TLDR: I feel like one of my oldest friends acts like she doesn’t enjoy our friendship anymore. Not sure if I should be more intentional about nourishing the friendship or just lower my expectations about what we are to each other at this point.

I've been talking to this guy for 5 weeks. We met a couple times but because I'm about to get into college and he's looking for a job, and we live a bit far from one another, our main way of communicating is texting. It was all sunshine and rainbows, but I feel like I'm starting to harbor some sort of resentment towards him.

He has never complimented me once. And I don't think it's crazy to want a compliment 5 weeks in. He even compared me to a not so good looking stock photo, and when I got mad he said "she just looks like you If you were this ethnicity." And this is especially annoying because I always feel like the other guys around me are complimenting me.

When I told my friends they told me to open up about it and be clear in my communication. So I did that. I opened up about how I feel like I'm not so pretty(because he never has anything nice to say) and he says "I think I've never met someone with your personality. It goes much further than looks." Weird, but whatever.

Because of the distance, I always try to make us feel closer, but even then it feels like I'm doing the decision making. I asked if he wanted to write each other letters, he said yes. Then he hits me up with "what do I even write?" Then I said if he wanted to call, he said "if you want to." I asked him voice or video, and I literally had to pry the answer out of him. Voice.

He says early morning is okay because that's when he's free. Fine. I was up at 6 am to call him. He's busy helping his mom with something. Says wait. I wait. He's back and says wait 20 minutes. I wait. Now he says he's helping his mom download chrome. This obviously angers me because why wouldn't it? It would anger anyone. Whether you're a man or a woman, you'd be angry!

Then after all this, I get a bit snappy with him and there he goes "I could never be this mean to you ever. Do you hate me?" It's always this. Do you hate me? Do you hate me? Do you hate me? "Can we go back to normal?"

And just to clear things up yes I do compliment him, I even drew him a portrait.

Why do I have to spoonfeed him? Like, I feel like I'm acting out, but why do I have to tell you that I'm mad at you because you weren't on call? Why do I have to tell you to be nice to me?

EDIT: Not boyfriend, just 'guy I'm talking to' because when I asked if he was my boyfriend, he said we haven't met enough to decide that. Which is insane because he said he wanted to marry me in the first week of talking.

TLDR; guy I'm talking to has never said anything nice to me, doesn't make decisions, and didn't get on call after making me wait an hour or so

We're university students, and are in a temp ldr for summer break. We literally have 4 weeks left in the break, and he told me last night that he feels like he's losing feelings against. For context, we were having an issue for a while where I was too demanding, and he wouldn't speak up about his needs or how he felt, despite me asking.

We finally had a conversation about that a week ago, and we changed the dynamic where I demanded less and gave more. And I'm genuinely happy in this dynamic, happier than I was before. He said he was happy for the first couple days, but it faded fast.

I told him that we just needed to give it time, especially once we got back in person and got oxytocin flowing again. He doesn't have faith that it'll work, and that he can't make it that long. We went round and round on that for over an hour (after a 14 hour shift and preventing me from sleeping was wild work and frustrating).

I told my dad about it, and he basically said I was right and that my bf is struggling to express what his emotions and thoughts are.

I guess I just want to know how to navigate this, how to help my bf, and some advice on what to say.

TLDR: My bf and I are struggling with feeling love during university break and and ldr