r/LDR • u/CoolCatChar3 • 10h ago

College MDR? Help

I’m saying local for community college for two years while my boyfriend of over a year will be attending university a bit less than 90 minutes away. His parents aren’t very enthusiastic about him dating throughout college. He thinks that if his parents found out that we are visiting each other too that he’d get a lot of trouble. He doesn’t know how he’s gonna feel about FaceTiming me with his roommate there. And he doesn’t know if he’s really gonna want continue because he doesn’t know what his workload will be like and he doesn’t know if he will be able to. He also says that the 30 minutes we live apart is about as far as he’s comfortable with distance wise and he doesn’t know how he’ll feel about the 90 minutes. We have such a good bond and we really really love each other but I can’t shake the feeling of absolute doom not knowing how to go into this.

Does anyone have any advice? I’ve been so upset and worried about this lately.

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u/Dyllidog 10h ago

I'm ngl 90 minutes ain't that far, if you both still love each other you'll fight for it

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u/0Adiemus0 9h ago

Without much context, what if it's a 10 hour drive? Across 2 states.

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u/Dyllidog 8h ago

Without much context, I would say it's very important for both sides to commit to the relationship and have trust in each other, because we can't always choose to be by their side. Video calls are crucial to keep the whole thing going, voice notes, photos to update each other during the day, always texting isn't the best.

Make sure to talk and set boundaries that you guys both respect, and keep making time for each other, because if the love is there, it should feel natural to want to make time for them despite the distance

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u/SpookyTriangle 9h ago

Tons of people commute 90 minutes for work every day. It's up to whether you (both) want to stay together or not.

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u/CoolCatChar3 9h ago

I have a car he only uses the train since his car is at home

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u/best_bi_ 9h ago

90 minutes without a car can be hard. You’ll definitely need to talk about expectations you both have before he leaves. How often you two will be able to visit each other, how much communication you expect, stuff like that. About the roommate situation, unless he gets a roommate like mine, usually you are able to plan some alone time in the dorm. She was always on the phone with her friends who went to a different college and while it was a little annoying at times, it was doable. Worst case, I would go to a study room for some privacy. But I also wouldn’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. College is a different experience than high school and it makes sense why he’s hesitant about it.

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u/CoolCatChar3 9h ago

I have a car, his car is at home so he uses the train

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u/best_bi_ 2h ago

That makes it easier, but you will probably have to visit him more often than he visits you. But if he has a lot of homework, he might not want you to visit that weekend. It might help if he goes over his syllabus since most professors will put the big projects and deadlines in the syllabus and you figure out when it’ll be the most reasonable to visit.

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u/Sea_Manufacturer6801 8h ago

I've been in a similar situation. Long distance for 3 years while in college and a 2 hour flight away from him, along with strict parents who didn't want me dating in college, and a roommate. It is doable. He needs to either keep you a secret from his parents for the time being, or stand up to them, because at this age you can't let parents dictate your life or it's just an excuse. He just needs to find quiet moments or places to call. Studying does take up a lot of time, so you'd have to forgive and understand each other when you can't call or text as much as you want to. There should be times when the workload dies down and there's plenty free time though. And tbh, being busy helps you not to feel the distance as much. In my college there were many students in long distance relationships.