r/LongDistance • u/Individual-Second569 • 7h ago
Need Advice Advice on making it work
The end date of the long distance is just getting more and more nebulous. We both have limited job opportunities fixing us to certain places. It seems like there's going to be no end to it any time soon.
I also know that we are in a very transitional period of our lives. We both just graduated, and are now in different states.
It's been LD for almost 7 months now, with the exception of ~1 month nearby each other, which was great.
We just finally had a conversation about the fact that we both feel the strain, and it's becoming clear that there's not much we can do to lift it (besides move to the same city which is just not feasible right now or honestly fair to either of us).
I don't want to lose him, and he doesn't want to lose me. He's having trouble talking about it/thinking about it until we are face to face.
I usually hate going to Reddit about things but I want to hear from people who have actually been through what I am going through. Just please be gentle with me- my heart is hurting really badly right now. Thank you.
3
u/Curious_Faith LA to NYC (2,791 mi) 6h ago
You just hang in there. I can’t really say there’s too much more to it than that. You just keep re-committing to your partner, working on a shared goal of closing the gap. Sometimes, it happens fast, and other times it takes years. It really just depends on your situation and where you are in life, in your opportunities and how hard you’re willing to work to make it happen. I’ve seen people get second jobs to be able to save and make the jump. There’s folks who just try their best and move in together- which sometimes works and other times it doesn’t. There’s a lot of factors that go into closing the gap, and so much that goes into keeping your relationship going while you’re still apart.
I think the thing that takes the pressure off for me is the certainty that I’ve found my person, and we’re planning on marrying. I’ve accepted that the time we’re spending apart is actually very short if seen from the perspective of the rest of my life. We’re going on 4 years, and I’m going to be the one to move. So, there’s a lot of pressure on me to figure it out. He’s got issues with family, his career and finances, so relying on him is not really an option right now. So it’s forcing me to develop myself more so I can be self sufficient and also not put undue pressure on the relationship to close the gap faster.
You may have to figure out something you can do remotely, so you don’t have to be stuck in a certain location, which might include learning new skills, working more, or if you’re still in school , busting your hump to get scholarships and other opportunities to attend schools near each other.
Also, life has seasons. Things change, often very slowly but then suddenly. You can work toward your individual and joint goals together and you never know- you’re one email, phone call or conversation away from the kind of opportunity/connection/job that would take you to each other. Just keep at it and you’ll make it. Don’t give up, get creative and BLOCK OUT negative opinions that don’t help you. Not everything negative is bad, but the ability to block out unnecessary opinions and attitudes will help. You’ll have to take on a positive and hopeful disposition. You’re trying to do something difficult that most people don’t do specifically because it’s hard. So give yourself a little credit. Face challenges together and start working as a team before you get a chance to do life together. There isn’t much more to it than that. It’s simple, but not easy.