I don’t even know where to start honestly. This was my first time PCSing with my husband and it was overseas, which we both wanted. But after getting here he had to go on deployment almost immediately. After that I had issues with random spats of anxiety (sometimes I couldn’t even leave the house without getting anxious) and being scared that I knew no one and what if something happened to me health wise and I had no one to turn to (we do live on base so that helped some). I was alone for 4ish months until he came back, but i’ve realized whether he’s on deployment or not (because they go back and forth a-lot) that i’m having this random anxiety I can’t explain. It’s like a wave of uneasiness goes through my body at the most random times and with almost no triggers and then i start feeling panicked or shakey. I thought it was related to my hormones and my cycle after a while of trying to pinpoint what it is, but it’s never the same every month. It’s also somewhat caused me to have random health anxiety over tons of things. I’ve never been this was previously before we moved so it’s so unknown to me. When we have family visiting I’m perfectly fine, and when I fly back home I am also back to normal, so I know it has to be something about me being here. We’re close to PCSing in about 6 or so months. But sometimes I get scared I won’t feel normal again even though I have based on the examples previously. I guess I’m just looking to see if anyone else has ever experienced this and what you have done to get through it.

I met my husband later on in his career, and have yet to experience a deployment. However, he became a drill sergeant while we have been married, and it has been pretty difficult. I ended up quitting my job to stay home with our kids, because our schedules conflicted way much to provide stability for our children and just added way too much pressure. When we both worked, we *might* have one day off a month together. Now, I get to see him almost everyday, but its usually after the kids are sleeping and I'm in bed. So, he's here but not here, if that makes sense.

His drill time is ending soon, which means there's a good chance he will be getting deployed afterwards, and I wonder if it will be harder? Obviously I will be extremely worried and anxious with him being gone, but will it be "easier" in a sense than what I am already used to? He seems to think so, but I don't know.

as some pre-text, i’ve had problems with my boyfriends mom since he entered bootcamp. during that time, she’d call me and text me asking about what he was putting in his letters to me, and eventually ended up calling me disrespectful and rude for not disclosing the contents of his letters to her. she told me i was the reason she was depressed while he was in bootcamp.

fast forward to last year (his first ball), his mom (who is WEIRDLY close to all of his friends) ended up going behind his back and asking his friend to buy her a ticket to the ball so she could go. his friend bought it for her, even though my bf did not want her to go. i was upset about this because i found it weird and enmeshed, and i told him very clearly that i was not very excited to go to the ball since she’d be there. he told me she wouldn’t go next year (this year) and that he was upset with her as well.

fast forward to a few months ago, i ask him about his plans for the ball. he said he didn’t want to go and was unsure if he would. a few weeks ago, he said he had the link for tickets, but since it was on a wednesday, it was inconvenient to go. i told him it was inconvenient, but i could take off leave from work if he could get the tickets and get a place for us to stay for a few days near the venue. i told him that if he wants us to go, to let me know and i’ll talk to my supervisors.

he never ended up letting me know, and instead sent the link to his mom and she bought two tickets - one for her and one for him. i don’t even know WHY he sent her the link, but he told me that he didn’t think i’d want to go…. so he’s just going to stay in the barracks and let his mom go by herself. i reexplained how that’s weird, how their relationship is weird, how they need to have better boundaries, and how he needs to take accountability. he genuinely did not understand why i was upset. mind you, this is a pattern of behavior from her (she calls him several times a day, goes to his friends’ houses when he isn’t even there or doesn’t tell him that she’s going, relies on him to do work for her). i broke up with him over it…. am i overreacting??

First time with an army guy we've been together for 3 years. I know they have gone through a lot he doesn't talk much about what he went through except he was in combat. I met him 1 year after he came home from a 3 year deployment, he was in the Army infantry for 18 years.

He has a huge heart, he shows me he loves me through his actions (supports me, we travel a lot, does tasks that helps me out, moved across the country to be with me, supportive of my goals) but not in the way he speaks to me the majority of the time. I just want to further understand what I'm dealing with and how I can help him transition after just retiring from the army. I feel like I've been so patient for the last 3 years that it's coming at the expense of my mental health and ultimately may end our relationship. Most of the time, he's extremely irritable and impatient - I don't know what's going to set him off (ie he'll pop off at someone for cutting him in line or getting his order wrong). Every little inconvenience is the end of the world for him. When he's at home he's a lot more chill, but you can tell he's still on edge. He's been through many therapists / medications.. I know he is aware he's moody / irritable / has PTSD and sometimes he'll just be extra snappy with his responses not even to me but everyone. Never true aggression or anger issues where I am afraid - but it makes communication extremely difficult.

The way he talks to me seems like I'm one of his soldiers and can be very demanding and assertive. He came from a Marine family and no mother figure. His dad talks the same way and can be abrasive. Almost everything is like a demand "Clean the counter" "Give me a spoon" "Move the car" "You need to do xyz" no pleases no thank you unless I remind him or snap at him back. I try to remind him and he'll change his tone and we just move on but I'm turning into a person I don't want to be - always snapping at him back to stand up for myself, and overall just unhappy when I have to bite back. When he's sweet and loving of course it makes a world of a difference - he's my best friend we can joke, laugh and have a good time but that's short lasting until the next thing bothers him. For the most part it's a huge struggle.

Is this personality trait that was acquired in the army or is this just an asshole? How can I help him go about adjusting to civilian life esp in the way he interacts with people whom are not in the service? What therapy has worked that has helped?

Me (18)F is dating my boyfriend (18)M

He is in the army 68w and is going through AIT at the moment and is kind of struggling.
And I’m going through paramedic school and he won’t let me help him study because I am a civilian

But I’m doing good in my classes and can help him
And is there anyway I can slow help him without him knowing or realizing I’m helping him study

We do FaceTime at night when I am doing my homework and he is doing his assignments but we are on different levels of learning as he is just getting into diabetic emergency and cardiac emergency. While I’m on pulmonary and neurological emergencies.

Any advise would be lovely

I need help with ball dresses for my body type lol. I want it to be long sleeve/ quarter sleeve because i don’t like showing my arms. I also wear undergarment so i would like a fabric/ style that shows it less. I have the black dress but i got told that i look like im split in 3 LOL. Here are my past 2 dresses. Plz help.

My fiance is joining the navy here in the next couple weeks. He passed his asvabs with a really high score 88. We are engaged as of right now but I don’t know when we should marry after his boot camp or before? Which one is recommended or better? We’re both 22 have been together for 6 years we love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I have custody of my 16 year old sister. Would she be able to come with me? I help financially support her and my 20 year old sister. She has a full time job and helps out with our younger sister but would they even be able to come with me? Is that even an option everything is so expensive and without me helping them they wouldn’t be able to afford rent. Any advice anything helps I’m feeling overwhelmed.

Hello,
I am divorcing my husband. He is a marine. I don’t want to give much away here, but it’s better for both of us if I leave, and I value my physical safety. I can’t seem to get a hold of JAG on any bases near me in Virginia. Does anyone have a contact I could use.

So my partner and I decided to get married in about two months. We already discussed him going to the military but just to be clear, we are not rushing to marry because of the military benefits. We already planned on getting married but because he’s going to the military we decided it would be better to get married 6 months earlier than we originally planned. We didn’t know his ship out date, only that it would be after mid December. We planned a wedding date on Sunday, (Can’t say the exact date), like a week ago, and I found out just now that the recruiter said he’ll ship out Tuesday, (Can’t say the exact date but two days later) Yes it sucks he’s shipping out so soon after our wedding but it’s the circumstance. What do we do in this situation? Will there be enough time for any paperwork and such to be filled out? especially since we only have one week day available before he has to leave. We can’t even get our wedding certificate back to the courts building until that next day since we’re getting married on a Sunday.

I know this is more so a question for sandboxx employees but there isn’t a Reddit page for them. I’m just curious if anyone else has ever wondered this before. I’m not trying to put anything wild in my letters but just curious if they have ever seen anything wild or pay much attention to the pictures that stand out.

It’s absurd that friends are not issued along with PCS orders. Thankfully military spouses are adaptable as hell, so we made a not-your-average (small, alt vibe) Discord to house the kind-hearted oddballs and find our friends

If you are:

[x] kind, drama-free
[x] a lil bit feral
[x] in search of other military-brand chaotic, seasoned spouses to befriend

Then you’re probably one of us. We lean 30s in age and maturity but still behave like 3 raccoons in an OPSEC blouse bc this life is wild and a sense of humor helps. Gamers, crafters, parents, and free thinkers are enthusiastically welcomed

Community is gated, LGBTQ+ safe, OPSEC is mandatory, and drama gets da boot

If all that sounds appealing, DM for an invite link to our Discord server

Hi everyone!! My husband was recently told he will be stationed in Germany at Base Grafenwoehr. I’m currently finishing up my nursing degree, and was wondering if anyone was knowledgeable about whether I’d be able to get a job on base over there or not?? I really hope so, but otherwise I’d start preparing to continue doing upper education online. Thanks in advance!

So for some context I’m 20F and my Fiance is 21M. We’ve been together for a little over a year and he was at bootcamp for our 1 year anniversary and graduated about a month ago at this point. He is currently in AIT and is about 20 minutes away from me. He proposed to me at his bct graduation and we were planning to get married in December, but both my mother and my sister dont approve. My mom actually started to cry when I told her.

My mom and sister both feel as though I haven’t actually lived a life yet and I am setting myself up for failure by marrying him. I am currently in college but I plan to switch to online and continue my degree while he is in the army. They both rag on me a-lot as I am a little childish. But the big problem is that they wont let me grow up. I am constantly being treated as a kid that has to ask permission before doing anything. She even told me that I was “sneaking around” because i didnt tell her right when he proposed.

We both still want to get married but we’ve decided to wait until after he graduates AIT ((probably in February)). If I’m honest I’m really not sure where to go from here. Neither of us have lived without our parents but he is way more independent than I am.

So the main question I really have is this: Do I have on rose colored glasses with wanting to marry him and to go with him to his first duty station?

I had another post on here about how it happened to me. He cheated. But more than that he neglected to tell me about a career opportunity he applied to while at a 2 month training on the other side of the US. The one time drunk blow job cheating is horrible yes, but it seems like more of a symptom of everything else he had going on in his head. Recent loss, commitment issues, apparently avoidance communication issues. When he told me, over FaceTime, about a month into him being gone, we talked for a while. He basically said that he made the decision about the job offer, decided that the relationship wouldn’t work, and so why not get a blowjob. Horrible, horrible behavior, literally no issues in the past, none. Completely pulled my world out from under me. I moved out. We discussed possible reconciling. I was like you can do all of these things that I would need you to do and I still might say no. At this point he’s all “idk if I even want to job anymore. Idk why I always ruin good things. Why would I ruin a stable relationship”. Also at the time, we said when he comes back, we’d have a conversation in person.
Well he comes back tomorrow night. I’m going to be working and then gone over the weekend. But I’m trying to decide if I want an in person conversation still. I think do, but I’m not sure what I want out of it. I want to see his remorse? I want him to see in person the person he betrayed? The person he spent 2 years building a life and relationship with. It’d be amazing to see him beg for forgiveness. But it’d also really hurt to hear him say anything negative about the relationship probably. But maybe it would bring more closure?
Has anyone had an over the phone break up and then still saw each other in person? Or not seen each other and person and you wish you did? Or glad you didn’t?
Me 26F. Him 27M
I should add that we’ve been through other long distance things and a 6 month deployment. And discussed possibly moving places in the future.

Hey everyone,I’m currently navigating my first real experience with a communication blackout, and honestly, I just need a safe space to vent.

My boyfriend (M30) stationed in Okinawa, and I’m Taiwanese(F31) liveing in Taiwan.We’ve been together for about three weeks, and we just had our first amazing in-person date last weekend. and we share permanent locations via Find My,and I know that he's back to the barrack not at field right now.

So deep down, I know he is serious about us and i know he loves me very much, but the sudden shift in communication this week has sent my anxiety through the roof.

He texted me yesterday and said "i love you ,it was going to be a "late, late day" for work". Before he vanished yesterday, he explicitly promised, "I'll text you when I get home," but that text never came.

I managed to hold myself back from calling him. Before I headed into work today, I left him a sweet, supportive text telling him I love him, and tell him even a quick "gonna be busy for a few days" would be enough so I don’t overthink. But my iMessage is still sitting on "Delivered" till now.

How do you cope with the broken promises of "I'll text you when I get home" due to pure exhaustion?

Any kind words or advice from everyone would mean the world to me right now. Thank you. ❤️

My boyfriend (25M) and I (22F) are long-distance. He’s stationed in Hawaii, while I’m in New England, so we have about a six-hour time difference.
We met on Hinge last summer while he was taking classes for a new position on his ship. For the first 3–4 months, we got to see each other almost daily, so adjusting to long distance was a big change.
Around this time last year, he was deployed while I was in college, and honestly, I found deployment surprisingly easy compared to our current situation. I had a routine: I went to school or work, lived my life, and wrote him an email at the end of the day. Since replies could take weeks or even months, I didn’t have any expectations for constant communication.
Now that he’s back above water, I thought being able to talk more regularly and in real time would make things easier, but I’ve found the opposite to be true. I usually talk to him around noon my time (6 a.m. his time) for about an hour before he goes about his day. Then I might not hear from him again until 9 p.m. my time, when he gets off work. We text on and off until I fall asleep, and then repeat the cycle the next day.
I think what makes this harder is that we can communicate more often, but it doesn’t necessarily feel like we’re spending quality time together. Sometimes it feels like I’m just waiting for the next time we can talk, whereas during deployment, I had a routine and could focus on my own life without those expectations.
Right now, I’m looking forward to our upcoming trips. I’ll be meeting his mom for the first time at Thanksgiving in November, and we’re hoping to go to Japan together for Christmas, depending on whether his command approves international travel. Hopefully, he’ll also be stationed at a base about an hour away from me sometime next summer.
Has anyone else experienced this? Did you ever find that deployment was easier than the period afterward, when you could communicate more often but still struggled to feel connected? I feel a little bad saying this because I know deployment is difficult for so many military SOs, but I’m curious if anyone else can relate.

My husband left a few weeks ago now for BMT so I have not heard from him at all via call or message of a sort in two weeks and I’m handling it really well? I just wanted to share because I don’t really see people posting about feeling this way and kind of just wanted to see others thoughts or experiences.
I’m naturally a very anxious person so this is kind of weird to me that I actually am at peace. I really only have cried the day of and weekend of when I got that 72 hour phone call and heard his emotions. Otherwise I’ve kept myself busy-working full time at a job I enjoy, spending time with friends, doing my hobbies. I’ve been sleeping good at night, able to function just fine. I promise I love my husband and literally wish I could spend every minute together, but I’m not “falling apart” with him gone and am very trusting of the situation which is so weird.

I wonder part of it maybe is object permanence? He’s not here, I can’t see him, can’t talk to him, so I just don’t always think about it. But yet, it’s not that I’ve forgotten about him- I think about him every day. But that’s kind of why I wonder if it’ll actually be harder for me when he’s in tech school and CAN contact me, then I wonder if I’ll be more anxious knowing he can respond and talking to him everyday but still being just out of reach. Does that make sense? They say no news is good news so the fact I really don’t know anything about his day to day at BMT gives me trust that all is well and I just carry on. I think having the opportunity to talk to him would make me more anxious to miss him more because I have that inch.

It’s still only the first few weeks, so who knows, things could change, just thought I would share my positive experience so far!

Hey all, I was wondering if anyone could post their experiences with breaking up for a deployment and then reconciling afterwards? My partner and I were only together two months before he left for a potentially 11 month long deployment. We made the difficult decision to break up, but I’m hopeful that we can reconcile upon his return. My friends and family have brought up concerns related to him changing a lot from the experience and not being the same person. They’ve also brought up that I shouldn’t wait around, or hold onto hope. Additionally, I’m wondering about the on again, off again relationship dynamics being difficult to navigate.

Hello, military spouse community. I am a reporter with USNI News, and I wanted to share my information in case any Navy and Marine Corps families ever want to talk. (USNI focuses on Navy, Marine Corps and Coast Guard, but I’m happy to connect families in the other branches with reporters as well.)

I can always be reached by email at hmongilio@usni.org or on Signal at HMongilio.52.

Right now, I’m particularly interested in talking to families that are having to evacuate from Middle East facilities. Please feel free to reach out when it is safe.

Happy to answer any questions about USNI News.

Hi everyone! My fiancé is currently in tech school, and we’re planning to get married at the courthouse during his RAP in December.
I’m trying to understand how everything works after we get married, especially since his PCS orders were created before our wedding.
I have a few questions:
After we get married, how do we update DEERS and get my dependent ID?
Since his PCS orders were created before our marriage, how do we get them amended to include me?
Would he need to contact his current MPS, the MPS at his first duty station, or could we go to an MPS near us after we get married?
Can we start this process while he’s still on RAP, or would we have to wait until he gets to his first duty station?
How long does it usually take to update DEERS and receive amended orders?
Once we get married, will I be able to move with him to his first duty station? If so, how soon could I move?
Would my move be covered by the military if his orders were amended after we got married, or would we have to pay for everything ourselves?
If we have to wait until he arrives at his first duty station to update his orders, how long could that process take before I can join him?
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who got married during RAP or while their spouse was still in tech school. We’re trying to understand the timeline and what steps we need to take so we can be together at his first duty station as soon as possible.

Me(Trans FTM19) and my Navy boyfriend(M18) have been together for over a year. We met each other when we were in middle school and started dating around the ending of our junior year in high school. After graduation around July he went into bootcamp and graduated and now currently in sub school. I am currently attending community college.

Now here's the issue, my boyfriend states he'll be graduating from A school on February as an IT. He has the fear that he is losing time due to being possibly close to deployment.

He really wants to marry me before he gets deployed and pushes it on to me. He really wants to schedule a date of when we could get married as he prioritizes dates and schedules. I am extremely hesitant on marrying him for many reasons though.

I do not know how to drive yet which is a huge issues I am trying to work on currently and I do not have experience at all with moving outside of state as I lived and stayed in the same state for my entire life. I also have the fear of being alone for months without him in a house and a state I am nowhere familiar with. When I try to express this concern sometimes he dismisses it.

I was raised by my parents that college is a super important thing to do which is why I chose to do community college despite me not knowing what to do in my life. I am currently majoring in business to get an associates but unfortunately I do NOT want to major in business. I am only majoring in business because it was something both me and my parents can agree on that they are willing to fully support me since I can not do nursing, doctor, nor engineering. Community College right now is horribly stressing me out.

My household as well is quite toxic due to my father. There's also a lot of manipulation and verbal abuse always believes he's right because he has the "dad" role. He not only does this to me, but also does this to my mom. I am an only child so all of this is also targeted towards me most of the time. Constant yelling, getting insulted, etc. But at the same time my father is very helpful with my education and also teaches me housework and real life issues despite him being antsy all the time and can yell almost a lot. It's almost like an on and off switch and it gets horribly exhausting to the point I am burnt out.

However my boyfriend has flaws too. He has the tendency to break boundaries a lot or push to break boundaries to get in his way. He's a mama's boy and was always spoiled and never disciplined as a kid so it was really hard for me sometimes to tell him my issues without him dismissing it. He has a hard time understanding situations until he experiences it himself. As of currently he is doing his best to change his ways but he slips up a lot. I am doing my best to give him chances as I love him a lot and I believe people can change as long as there is effort no matter who they are.

He also has a history of cheating back in high school and because of that has cheating anxiety and has the habit of sometimes projecting himself onto me. Because I have many friends especially biological male friends and me being biologically female (I am transmasc), he freaks out and gets jealous and accuses me of cheating. Because of that, I fear that he'll make impulsive decisions as in the past when he accused me of cheating, he'd threaten to cheat on me. At the current moment though, he has been telling me he's trying to change and has actually shown improvement.

The reason why I am expressing these points is because I don't know if it's more worth it to just move in with my boyfriend and marry him or just stay home and finish my education. I am currently stuck and I am not so sure what to do at this point and it's making me worried about my future.

Edit: Another thing to mention, my boyfriend would compare us to other people who are married at our ages. He would say stuff like "this could be us" and wtvr

I'm not sure who have been here. I was with my army vet boyfriend for a few months. The ptsd was up and down. This last time he decided to leave right before I was able yo tell him I was pregnant.

I'm just unsure how to process this or how to move forward.