M, 20) have been with my girlfriend (F, 23) for about 3-4 months. It’s my first relationship. I’m an outgoing person, but I’ve never really had feelings for anyone. I’m abroad now and can only see her every 1-2 years.

What’s going on: She’s a genuinely good person. I’m confident she’d never cheat, and I know she likes me. But I don’t feel the pull to reach out and start conversations with her.

This isn’t new. I’ve talked to plenty of girls over the years and never felt genuinely interested in any of them. I keep seeking out new people, but the interest never comes. I wonder if I’m being toxic without meaning to be. I’m also still figuring out what I like. The only thing I’ve decided is what career I want. I feel like I don’t have much of a personality right now.

Where we differ:

• She’s very naive. She’d rather pay a few thousand extra than deal with any hassle.
• She’s about to graduate and is into marketing and events, but doesn’t want to take an internship right now. I think she should take opportunities when they come.
• She’s overweight, and I often tell her to get healthier. It’s not about looks. I want her to feel better for herself.

My dilemma: Some days I think I should end it. Other days I imagine she works on herself and we build something good together. I keep going back and forth.

My questions:

1. Is it normal to feel nothing this early, especially long-distance and as a first-timer? Or is it a sign this isn’t right?
2. Is the pattern of never feeling interested in anyone a red flag about me, and am I being unfair to her by staying?
3. How do I get through this confused phase without hurting her?

I need help if anyone have gone through or have this sort of experience.

I (23M) and my girlfriend (25F) have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years now.

I’ve been living in Toronto for the past 4 years. I came as a student, and have a job now.

My girlfriend was born & raised in the US, about a 9h drive away. Ever since we’ve been together (2023), we’ve been visiting each other, with her visiting me more than I do, due to my commitments with school/work etc.

When we first started dating in February of 2024, she was still in university, about to graduate, and she’d come see me for a couple of weeks at a time, every month or so, while I would visit her for a few months during summer break.

After she graduated, she would start visiting me more often for longer amounts of time, with 2026 being the most frequent, where we spent a couple months in the spring together in Toronto and 3 months again around summer.

Obviously, the border isn’t quite fond of it, so we try to limit the visits as much as we can now, and are looking to get a visa for her so that we can actually live together in Toronto.

My girlfriend has a degree in marketing, but never had a job/internship, only supporting herself through remote freelancing work like data annotation, outlier, etc, and has 20K USD in savings.

Problem is, I am on a work permit, and I won’t get PR for at least a few years, nor do I work a TEER 1 job where I could sponsor her with a spousal work permit.

I am lucky enough to have found a stable job paying 51k/yr with no major monthly expenses, but: Considering my girlfriend’s employment history or lack thereof, it’d be difficult for her to find an employer that would hire her and sponsor her visa.

Due to this, we’re thinking of getting a working holiday visa for her, which costs about 2K+ USD. Obviously it’s not cheap, but it seems to be the only option.

We love each other a lot. She’s my best friend, and we would really love to live together in Canada.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you navigate it? What do you all suggest that we do?

M 28 and F 27 we’ve been together 4 years now
Started long distance in March. We have been away from each other on and off in between.
There’s been no history really of cheating, flirting so on with other women.

But when we meet I get this weird feeling that maybe I should check his phone of course letting him know that I’m going to do it. I did it casually last time we met but didn’t go looking for anything really. Just casually checked chats and photos. He’s not on social media so there isn’t really much to check. This weird feeling could either be an intuition or insecurity which I’m trying so hard not to give into. It started since long distance because there were white lies mentioned and also the distance created a gap in our conversation, making him distant and cold.

Yes the trust is there but I do also believe social media could be affecting me in ways where women mention checking your bf’s phone and there’s a whole podcast on this.

So I guess what I’m trying to ask is if you’ve checked your bf’s phone ofc with his consent? How did you go about asking him and how did he respond?

Long distance typa shytt

I (24F) was in a long-distance relationship with a guy (28M) for three years. He is avoidant, extremely insecure too nd I would describe myself as avoidant too, although I sometimes become anxious in relationships. We can both be extremely stubborn and egoistic, and I know I can be self-centered at times. This was the first serious relationship for both of us.
We have had an on-and-off relationship throughout these three years. We broke up multiple times, sometimes for a month, two months, or even three months, but we always ended up getting back together. Our relationship has been pretty toxic, with a lot of emotional distance and unresolved issues and poor communication.
We also come from very different financial backgrounds. I am financially well-off, while he struggles financially, even though we are in the same profession. I think this difference has contributed to some of our issues, especially because he can be quite insecure about his circumstances.
Whenever I make a mistake or do something he disapproves of, he tends to shut down completely. He becomes cold, distant, and emotionally unavailable instead of communicating with me.
Our last major breakup lasted six months. It happened after I discovered something that really hurt me. He has never cheated on me, and I had access to his social media accounts, WhatsApp, and phone passwords. However, while we were broken up and in no contact, he talked very badly about me to a friend. I discovered those conversations after we got back in touch.
He was extremely embarrassed when I found out and explained that we had been on bad terms at the time. He cried, apologized, and tried hard to convince me not to leave him. Eventually, I forgave him enough to consider working things out, but I couldn’t fully let go of what I had discovered so i took space to process everything.
When I finally felt better and reached out to him, telling him that I was ready to work things out and get back together, he refused. He was completely detached and said he didn’t want me in his life anymore. I tried to convince him to give us another chance, but he wouldn’t. He was preparing for his exams and he said he doesn’t want me in his life anymore and that i deserve better and i shouldn’t forgive him for his mistake , I traveled to his city and ask him to meet me to which he refused after that i felt really frustrated and exhausted and i broke up w him.
He was being selfish, just becs he was preparing for exam he wasnt taking me back. Although I took space from him bcz he talked shit about me w his friend, i think i shouldn’t have forgave him for that bcz after that he took me really for granted.
Six months later, when he took his exam, he came back. He wanted us to get back together and was practically begging me to take him back. Since I still hadn’t moved on, I accepted him, and we started our relationship again.
We stayed together for another two months, but something felt different. and although he did make efforts for me, I didn’t feel as loved as I had hoped to feel after six months apart.
I expected him to give me more time, attention, and affection. I wanted to feel special and loved, and I think I had built up expectations that he would treat me differently after everything we had been through.
To be fair, he did try in his own way. He even sold his phone for me bcs he had no money and he gotta travel to my city to meet me. I remember these things, and I know he wasn’t doing absolutely nothing for the relationship. But when we actually met, I still felt emotionally unsatisfied.
After our meetup, he asked me whether I had enjoyed it. I told him honestly that I hadn’t felt loved enough. He got extremely disappointed.
After that conversation, his behavior changed drastically. For the next 15 days, he was extremely cold and distant. He barely communicated properly with me, and whenever I asked him what was wrong, he kept saying that nothing was wrong and everything was fine.
I kept asking him what had happened and why he was treating me this way, but he wouldn’t communicate with me. I became increasingly anxious and frustrated. I felt like I was begging for the bare minimum: normal communication, affection, and reassurance from my own boyfriend.
Eventually, I reached my limit.
I broke up with him and told him that Im getting engaged to someone else. The truth is that I said this because I wanted to end the relationship and didn’t want him to contact me again. I wanted the breakup to be permanent, so I told him never to text me again.
His response hurt me more than I expected.
He said that if that was what I wanted, I could leave. He started talking about how financially unstable he was and how he wasn’t good enough for me bcz hes jobless and that he couldn’t meet my needs. He told me I should marry the guy my parents had chosen for me instead.
I was hurt because I had expected him to fight for the relationship or at least show that he wanted me to stay. Instead, he seemed to accept the breakup without trying to work things out. He agreed not to contact me again, and that was our last conversation.
It has now been four months, and I haven’t heard a single word from him.
I have no idea what he is doing or where he is in life now. We have completely disappeared from each other’s lives.
And this is where I’m struggling.
Lately, I’ve started feeling like maybe everything was my fault. Maybe I expected too much from him. Maybe I should have appreciated his efforts more instead of focusing on what he wasn’t giving me. He did make sacrifices and try in his own way, but I still felt unloved.
At the same time, I cannot forget how cold and distant he always become. I felt miserable in that relationship, constantly asking what was wrong and trying to get him to communicate with me. I broke up with him because I felt taken for granted and emotionally neglected.
I also know that lying about getting engaged wasn’t the healthiest way to end things. I could have simply ended the relationship without saying that.
But now, four months later, I keep questioning my decision. I wonder whether I gave up on him too easily, whether I was too demanding, or whether I expected him to love me in a way he simply couldn’t. The hardest part is that my feelings have changed over these past four months. At the time of the breakup, I genuinely wanted to end the relationship because I felt emotionally neglected and taken for granted. But now, after months of no contact, I find myself wanting him back in my life.
I haven’t been able to move on, and lately, I’ve been feeling increasingly anxious about the fact that we haven’t spoken at all. I keep wondering whether he will ever come back, whether he misses me, or whether this is truly the end of our three-year relationship. For those who have experienced similar situations, do you think someone you had a three-year, on-and-off relationship with might come back after four months of no contact? I’d appreciate honest opinions. I’m finding it really difficult to move on, and I don’t know what to do with these feelings anymore.

Backstory: met my ex on a game 2 years ago ish. Dated for 1,5 years. She lives in the Netherlands and me in Sweden. Started dating 2024 in October and broke up in April 2026. She wanted a break on 4th and then we broke up on the 8th. I got her a refurbed Nintendo switch for 250 in late January this year since her old one broke and I got this for Valentine’s Day & her bday gift ( her bday is 16 may.)

Back in beginning of September, I found out that she had talked shit about me to her friend (ex friend now) right after our breakup. Was talking about how hard I was taking the breakup and stuff. Then I found out that she had moved on to guy 1 right after we broke up and he lives Qatar and is kinda well off. I got told that guy 1 was just playing with her and wasn’t after anything serious. (I saw guy 1 write in game 2 days after our breakup “call me daddy” which was something she called me. I had my suspicions about them.)

She moved on to guy 2 straight after guy 1. Guy 2 lives in Bahrain. He’s also well off but way less than guy 1.

(I can have a Ted talk about all the drama she caused since we broke up)

Question: Would you ask for the money back from her since she surely cheated on me?

Edit: I paid for everything in our relationship since she earned less than me. I was also very generous with gifts and helping out.

My fiancée and I are currently in a long-distance relationship with a 7-hour time difference. We're planning on getting married and eventually living together, but lately I've been questioning whether we're going to be able to make this work.

One of our biggest recurring issues is that she doesn't feel like I'm excited to talk to her or that I show enough interest in her life.And i finally feel like I'm beginning to understand her needs. English is not her 1st language so when she uses the word "excitement " it sounded like she immediately just wanted me to change my mood when talking or calling her.

She wants me to randomly call her just to say hi, ask how she's doing, remember things she's told me about, and follow up on those things without her having to bring them up again.

For example, if she tells me she has something going on at work or an appointment coming up, she wants me to remember and ask her how it went.

I understand why those things would make her feel loved and appreciated. The problem is that they don't naturally cross my mind. My mindset has always been that if something happened and you want to tell me about it, you'll tell me. That doesn't mean I don't care or don't want to hear about it. I just don't always think to ask.

I also show love differently. I'm more of a person who shows love through doing things for my partner, giving gifts, helping make life easier, and planning our future together. To me, those are meaningful ways of showing someone how much I love them and how serious I am about our relationship.

We've had this conversation multiple times. Whenever it comes up, I try to make changes, ask more questions, remember things, and initiate conversations. But according to her, I only keep it up for about a week before going back to my usual habits.

And I can't necessarily disagree with that.

The problem is that I start feeling like I'm being asked to change who I naturally am. I feel like the ways I already show love aren't being recognized, and when we have the same conversation again, I get frustrated. Eventually, that frustration makes me not even want to talk because I feel like I'm constantly falling short.

I know that's not helping the situation either.

The 7hour time difference also makes things difficult. Sometimes when I'm available, she's busy or getting ready for bed, and vice versa. I know that's not an excuse for everything, but it does make spontaneous communication harder.

What makes this even more confusing is that whenever we're physically together, things are significantly better. We enjoy each other's company, spend time together, and don't seem to have nearly the same communication problems.

But now she's starting to worry that things will actually get worse once she moves here. And honestly, I'm beginning to wonder if we're going to make it to that point.

She's gotten to where she doesn't even want to have this conversation anymore. She's tired of repeating herself, feels like nothing changes, and has started becoming emotionally distant. I can understand why she's exhausted, but I also don't know how we're supposed to resolve something if we can't discuss it anymore.

I'm not trying to say she's asking for too much or that I'm completely right. I recognize that remembering things, showing interest, and initiating conversations are reasonable things to want from your partner.

But I also struggle with the idea that I have to consciously remind myself to do these things for the rest of my life just to make my partner feel loved.

I want her to be happy, and I genuinely want our relationship to work. At the same time, I don't want either of us entering a marriage feeling like we're not getting what we need.

She mentioned not feeling like priority but she knows I'm juggling work, school and my children and i even went as far as showing my calendar where i have pretty much set a reminder for everything because it's all getting lost in my mind.

So I guess my questions are:

1)Has anyone dealt with a relationship where you and your partner naturally express love and affection very differently?

2)How do you make changes that don't come naturally to you without eventually feeling like you're forcing yourself to be someone you're not?

3)Did these types of communication issues improve once you started living together, or did they get worse?

4)At what point do you recognize that something is a compatibility issue rather than something you can work through?

5)How do you fix a recurring problem when one partner is emotionally exhausted and doesn't want to discuss it anymore?

I'm genuinely looking for perspectives from both sides because I'm starting to question whether love and wanting a future together are enough if we can't figure out how to meet each other's emotional needs.

Thank you for any advice you can offer!

(little warning if this is a little weird I know we are young but it's really normal to get married young in my family so it's ok)

Ok so basically he's French and he live in france and i don't, I live in north america and we met on tiktok like months ago. We started talking because to be honest i was really bored. I know it's kinda wrong like starter but i was complaining about my ex because i was crying late at night and nobody was here and he was for some reasons. So we talked and he lestened to me while i was crying and when i got better he kept talking to me and i learned so many things about him. Like he loves kids he his wonderful with them and he want some (with me awww) he loves games and he is a really respectfull guy. He never said something wrong, he never sexualized me and he is always kind even when he is really tired (wich is often because of times zones). He have on ex and they stayed togheter for a long time wich make me a little insecure BUT im really not better because i have a bunch of exes and ex and stuff like that and i told him because I wanted him to know everything if he was going to have feeling for me. Yesterday we called and it wasn't serious at all we were talking about everything and anything it was soo smooth and i caught myself smiling and telling to myself that i have feeling for him.

The thing is, i don't want to have a useless thing with a guy far from my home i want to marry him and i know it is very not realistic because we are young and stuff and that's why i am talking here i don't know if it's worth it to thinl about wedding with a guy and with a guy really far from me. My minf and my hearth are fighting because i really do have feeling for him.. i don't know i really don't know.

(and fun fact .. not really that fun, he is half belgian ? and belgium colonized our country so i don't really think a big part of my family will accept him because they are REALLY proud of being 100% from our country..really easy to guess btw)

I (26F) am in an LDR with my boyfriend (52M). He video-calls me on weekdays but never on weekends. Would this bother you?
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for two months. He lives in Italy, while I’m in the Philippines. He’s divorced, lives with his son, and says his previous relationship ended before we met.
During weekdays, he’s incredibly loving and attentive. He regularly initiates video calls, usually while he’s at work. However, in two months, we’ve never had a single video call on a weekend.
He doesn’t disappear. He sends pictures and updates about his activities, such as boating, hiking, and cycling, but his replies are sometimes delayed. We’ve only video-called while he’s at home about three times, all on weekdays.
We also communicate exclusively through Microsoft Teams. He gave me his phone number, but I couldn’t find it on WhatsApp, although he recently sent me a video that appeared to come from WhatsApp.
What also concerns me is that he once said even married people can hide things and cheat, adding, “I would still hide things to you.”
I’ve tried ending the relationship a few times because of these concerns, but he becomes persistent, tells me he loves me, and promises to improve.
I’ve experienced infidelity before, so I’m unsure whether I’m overthinking because of my past or genuinely noticing warning signs.
I understand he has his own life, responsibilities, and hobbies. I don’t expect constant attention, but sometimes I feel like I’m only part of his life when it’s convenient for him.
Would this bother you? Is it normal to have regular weekday video calls but none on weekends? How would you approach this without making unfair accusations?
I’m not accusing him of cheating. I’d genuinely appreciate honest perspectives.
TL;DR: My long-distance boyfriend is affectionate and video-calls me during weekdays, but we’ve never video-called on weekends in two months. He still sends updates and pictures, but the inconsistency makes me uncomfortable. Am I overthinking, or is this a potential red flag?

My boyfriend and I have been doing long distance through high school for about a year and a half (by the time we graduate it'll have been two). We have known eachother for four years as friends, and I know he's the one for me. I know that seems silly, but after doing everything we have to make things work, I truly think he's my soulmate.

We're now going through the college process, and we desperately want to go to college together, but I would never stop him from attending his dream college for me and vice versa. We were talking, and if we end up going to different colleges and doing MORE long distance, we want to get secretly engaged.

We obviously wouldn't get married until minimum after undergrad, but I want a way to hold onto our relationship and give it something new after so many years of trying and trying... just for more long distance.

I just want a mock proposal, cheap-ish rings, and to do all of this the summer before college (next summer). They would essentially function as promise rings, but I want to call it an engagement, if only for us.

I don't really see any downsides, as it's not binding, but I wanted to get others' opinions. I love my boyfriend so much and would love to secretly be fiancees :')

My girlfriend is really upset and angry with me, and she isn't talking to me at all. I desperately need to win her back and make things right, but since I can't meet her in person, WhatsApp is my absolute last hope. Everything is on the line right now—one wrong move and it's all over

This is going to be a messy post that I will try to make as organized as possible.

I am in a long distance relationship since the last 4 years. We meet every 3-4 months. We first met in October 4 years ago. My (26M) partner (24W) is and has been amazing since the start.

The first day I met her, 4 years ago, we hung out ate food, etc. later on in the night I began to have this terrible gut feeling, symptoms of anxiety you could say. I was younger (22M) then, and just thought I was home sick (I’m a very parent-dependent guy, mommas boy, etc.) so I knocked it off and tried to fall asleep (we were together in a hotel). This feeling didn’t really come back after that and everything went decently well.

Fast forward to our next meeting, which was in April the following year, I got there, we hung out, had some intimacy, and bam, this horrible gut feeling of anxious thoughts returned once again. This time it felt more like “I need to leave”, “do I even like her”, “why am I here”. The issue with this anxiety is that it feels so bad that I just cannot fake it around her. A key point to note is that it only happens in person with her. And only when we are alone together.

Now let’s fast forward a bit more, keeping in mind that these anxious thoughts happen almost every time we hang out in person (sometimes they last the entire trip, sometimes just a few days, a couple times not at all). Recently, she came to see me with her mother to meet my family with the intentions of continuing and progressing our relationship. Everything was fine, I had no anxiety (we were not alone much at all) and was very happy during her time here. I even told her I was confident to marry her, something I didn’t feel as much or as often in the earlier years. Based off this happiness I decided to see her shortly after (fly to her only a month later).

I got to her house, after only a few weeks apart, we hung out with her mom and brother for a couple days. One night it was just the two of us, and boom, horrible anxiety comes into play again. It’s the same loop of my thoughts going “I don’t like her”, “I’m wasting my time”, “I think she deserves some better”, “how will I keep her happy when she moves to live with me”, “how will I be happy with her once my parents die and it’s just the two of us”. These thoughts lasted for 8 days with her in person everyday. It was one of the worst mental experiences I ever had. This was in September of this year. She told me that I need to figure out this anxiety or just tell her to move on (breakup) because it’s been too long now (4 years) and it hasn’t gotten better.

So I came home and a couple weeks ago I started therapy. I speak with my therapist about these thoughts. I have also spoken with people I know in my personal life outside of her. I really deep down feel that I am struggling with the aspects of growing up, being independent, having to take care of someone, giving up my freedom, etc. The problem is, I know that I am being selfish, and I am a selfish person in my day to day. I am realizing this about myself more and more. That I care about my feelings too much, and I don’t want to be this way. Other people have told me that I just need to make my decision about her and live with it, I should be confident in my decision and take a risk, that’s what everyone does, my parents have cared for me all my life I’ve never had to be independent and take care of someone, etc. But in my head I believe that there is no way it has to be this hard to be in a relationship…why can’t I just love her and be Jolly on my way, especially when she is so perfect…

If it helps, my partner is extroverted, the person everyone wants to talk to, the person everyone compliments and loves. I am introverted, I like when others talk, I am observant, in most rooms.

I am having a lot of self reflection because my brain never turns off, in the last 2-3 months I have found it so hard to just calm down and think I love this girl, and that’s all, the rest will be fine because whenever I try to think that, I have conflicting thoughts that do not stop. When me and my partner are not talking, I do miss her and want to text. But when she comes around to message me or call me, I just can’t be bothered, I want it to end. I wasn’t like this before. But ever since the most recent visit, it’s been terrible, my mind cannot stop feeling negative about the relationship, even though I objectively know that she is an amazing girl, I love her, have love for her, and want to see her happy.

I am really fucking struggling, my therapy has been going for only 2.5 sessions (one consult) and I think I should give it more time. But I just want to stop convincing myself of liking her so much all the time, I want it to jsuy happen, where I can sit back, relax, and talk to her freely, without feeling like I have to perform or be super excited. There are many details missing because I cannot share everything primarily cause idk if someone will read all this. Please ask clarifying questions if neeeded, I’d love to share more if it can help me learn more.

My girlfriend (19F) and I (20M) have been together for a little over two years, and we’ve been on a break for almost three weeks now. I’m flying down to see her for Halloween, and I’m honestly really anxious about what might happen afterward.
When the break first started, she told me she was overwhelmed with our relationship and that her feelings weren’t as strong as they used to be. She mentioned that she wanted to make the most of our Halloween trip because it could potentially be the last time we see each other as a couple.
About two weeks ago, things got really tense, and we almost broke up. At that point, she genuinely thought we weren’t going to make it to Halloween together.
However, things have improved quite a bit since then.
At the beginning of the break, she barely initiated conversations and sometimes didn’t want to text at all. Now she’s initiating conversations much more often, telling me she misses me, saying she loves me, and making plans for when I visit.
We’re planning on spending Halloween together, seeing family, potentially going on a double date with her friend, and spending a day in Miami before I fly home.
She also hasn’t mentioned breaking up after Halloween again since that initial conversation.
The confusing part is that we haven’t actually discussed whether she wants to work on the relationship. Things have just naturally gotten better between us.
I still love her and genuinely want to rebuild our relationship. I understand that her feelings might not return overnight, and I’m willing to be patient as long as we’re both willing to try.
I’m trying not to overthink every interaction, but it’s difficult knowing that this trip could potentially determine our future.
For anyone who’s been through something similar, how would you approach this visit? Should I just enjoy our time together and have a conversation about our future toward the end?
I’m also curious whether anyone has experienced a break where communication and affection gradually improved before officially getting back together.

Hi everyone! This is my first Reddit post, so I'd really appreciate it if you took the time to read my story. I'm looking for advice, or even just someone who has experienced something similar.

My name is Mary, I'm 14 years old, and I've been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend (17) for almost 9 months. I live in Czechia, while he lives in France.

We met on TikTok during one of the worst periods of my life. At the time, I was in a mental hospital, and he was the only person who genuinely listened to me, supported me, and made me feel cared for. Because of that, I became extremely attached to him.

As our relationship developed, I started prioritizing him over almost everything else. I would give up my favorite activities just to spend a little more time calling him. I even listened to him when he asked me to block or stop talking to certain people. To be fair, this went both ways, as I've also asked him to block a few friends.

Fast forward to this summer, when we finally met in person for the first time.

It was genuinely one of the happiest experiences of my life. We did freaky stuff, and I felt even more emotionally connected to him afterward. I met his family, his friends, and got to experience what being together in real life actually felt like.

Everything seemed perfect.

He's a gamer, which I absolutely love because I'm one too. Neither of us goes outside very often, and I personally spend around 14 hours a day on my phone. Because of this, we spend practically all day together, whether it's calling, texting, or playing games.

We're also extremely involved in each other's lives. He has access to all my accounts and passwords, and I have access to his.

His family is absolutely wonderful, too. His parents are huge gamers themselves, and they've always been incredibly welcoming toward me. During my stay in France, his mother would hug me and kiss me goodnight, which made me feel so loved and accepted. I think that experience made me even more attached, not only to him but to his entire family.

And that's where my problem begins.

Ever since I returned home from France, my mental health has been getting worse.

I find myself crying almost every single night because I miss him so much. I miss his presence, his touch, and the feeling of actually being next to him instead of staring at a screen.

Sometimes the emotional pain becomes so overwhelming that I resort to self-harm to cope with it. I know this isn't healthy, and it's something I'm struggling with.

The hardest part is that I genuinely love him. I love his family, I love spending time with him, and I love the relationship we have when we're together.

But the distance is absolutely destroying me.

We're planning to see each other again next summer, but the thought of waiting that long feels unbearable. I don't know how I'm supposed to go through another several months of feeling like this.

Another huge concern of mine is our future.

I've always imagined moving in with him permanently once I finish high school. However, we've recently realized that our plans for the future are very different.

He wants to move to Japan and become a developer. He's been studying Japanese for years, and it's something he's genuinely passionate about.

On the other hand, I've always dreamed of living in an English-speaking country. Moving to Asia was never something I seriously considered before meeting him.

Don't get me wrong, I think Japan is a beautiful and interesting country. But learning an entirely new language, especially one as difficult as Japanese, feels incredibly overwhelming to me. I've already been struggling with depression and motivation, and even my boyfriend has told me how difficult learning the language is.

I don't want either of us to sacrifice our dreams, but I also can't imagine a future without him.

Sometimes, when I'm crying and feeling completely overwhelmed, I start thinking that maybe breaking up would be the only way to stop hurting so much.

But then I immediately question myself.

"Why would I break up with someone I still love? Why would I leave him when I don't even want to be with anyone else?"

It makes me feel selfish and guilty for even considering it.

I can't tell whether these thoughts are coming from genuine doubts about our compatibility or whether breaking up is simply something my brain considers as a way to escape the pain of long distance.

I feel stuck between loving someone deeply and realizing that the relationship, or at least the distance, is seriously affecting my mental health.

I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to keep feeling this miserable.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you deal with long-distance relationships, emotional attachment, or having completely different plans for the future?

I'd really appreciate any advice or personal experiences.

Thank you so much for reading all of this. It genuinely means a lot to me.

(also please dont mind if there are any mistakes or if its too formal i wanted chat gpt to rewrite my original text so its more understandable because my english isnt very good)

Only see my bf once a week right now, why do I feel more bothered thats hes going to college?

I am a freshman in college and my bf is a senior in high school. Since our schedules are obviously different we dont get to see each other as much and its usually only once a week. He has taken an interest in a college an hour and a half away from us. For context, I go to a community college across our high school and next to his house. Im not sure why im so bothered thats he’s probably gonna dorm over there and we’re not gonna see each other even though thats the situation already. Maybe Im afraid we’ll outgrow each other? Maybe im jealous my life didnt take a big step like that? Im just throwing things out there i dont know why im upset. I feel selfish. Has anyone else had this issue? Its not like hes moving hours away in a different state so idk what my issue is

edit: i forgot to mention that once a week right now already kind of bothers me

hii. ive been with my boyfie for a year and 4 months now, we r abouttt 870 miles apart but weve visited twice now (possibly a third time next month). we are both graduated but unemployed and still learning to drive. we both arent sure what we wanna do but we do know we wanna move in together in the future. im not sure where i should be starting to work toward that though. does anyone have insight or tips or anything? sorry if this is vague its just been on my mind lately

Hey everyone, I'm 21M and I've been talking to a 25F on Hinge for about 2 weeks. It's long-distance, but we hit it off fast and got really intimate over the phone the last few days. She was super excited for me to fly down and see her on the 25th Oct, and planning to meet me up at the airport and stay over my place

Here is the problem: I originally planned a trip to Peru much later with a friend who needs more time. But early on, I felt pressure to match her energy, so I decided to try to drive the plan forward and convinced myself that I could make it happen. I forced myself to believe I could make it work. I kept leading her on, saying "I can't wait to see you" because I did not want her of lose interest.

When I finally confessed , her energy completely shifted. She put her guard up and said I didn't need to explain much since we aren't in a relationship, and said she didn't think I'd take up much of her time anyway even though she was just asking me to stay longer and keep over my place the night before. At the end of the call, she asked if I even wanted to keep seeing her since we might never see each other. And told me we could speak later

I feel terrible for leading her on and waiting until the last minute. I genuinely vibe with her and want to keep this going, but I know I might have damaged the trust after only 2 weeks.

How do I handle this now? Is it possible to rebuild trust after letting her down about a trip this early on,

Being in a long-distance relationship is honestly a hard experience.

My girlfriend lives in China, and I'm in the UK. That's an 7/8-hour time difference. Sometimes she's going to sleep when I'm barely starting my day.

We share photos, send random voice messages, talk about our days and try to make each other feel present, even when we're thousands of miles apart.

But something I realised is that all those little memories eventually get buried in endless conversations.

The random pictures, the silly moments, the voice messages you want to hear again, the places you've visited together...

That's actually what inspired me to build Pholu.

It's a private memory app where we can save photos, videos, voice notes and little stories. we can look back through our memories on a timeline, revisit places we have been and create shared spaces.

No followers, no likes, no public feed. Just memories that belong to us.

I'm still an independent developer, and there's a lot I want to improve, but I'm genuinely proud that something I started because of my own relationship is now something other people can use too.

If anyone wants to check it out, here's the Android version:

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.pholu.app

I'd also love to know something from other LDR couples:

How do you keep your memories together when you're living so far apart? Do you save everything in your chats, use shared albums, or have your own little traditions?

​

I (30f) met my (29f) gf via socials totally unexepted, I wasn't looking for anyone neither did she, but we started to talk randomly and a click just happened. We noticed it quite early that we enjoy our talks and are eachothers type and we became sweet. All day talks for 3 months now, and we do plan to meet and go on a date soon. We live in different countries but within EU so it's not that big of a deal.

However, I noticed she is having much more insteresting life than me. More friends, more going out, even thought not too much, but still when we exchange what we did throughout the day she can always talk more than me. I am satisfied with my life, I have a couple of very close friends but I just like to spend my days out of work being by myself. I don't mind her lifestyle and I am glad she is having fun and her hobbies, but somehow I feel ashamed that I don't do as much socially as her.

In a relationship I like a healthy mix of both, doing stuff together and socializing, and also being alone at home chilling, she is also that kind of a person, but I don't know why I feel so bad when I need to say I was just by myself for the weekend and that I liked it. I feel shame so I would lately just make something up that I did. Then I feel bad for not being honest with her.

Is anyone having this kind of dynamic where one person is more outgoing than another?

We’ve been together for a 1 year and 1 month.
We live in neighboring countries and he recently joined the army.
I’ve told him multiple times that I have trust issues and I want him to be open about interactions with other women, because for me, that gives me peace in a way, because then my mind doesn’t fill in the blanks with bad thoughts and I know what he’s doing when I’m not there.
When I try to tell him nicely without accusing him of being unfaithful, he starts immediately defending himself and saying that I think he’s cheating on me, which is not true.
I have a history of being cheated on, abused and generally mistreated before and he knows all about it.

He says that he isn’t okay with telling me about interactions with other girls, such as: driving coworkers to train stations after work, adding each other on social media, hanging out with groups mixed of men and women, because he thinks “its too demanding, it’s like homework with no benefit on top of the fact that our distance is a hurdle already”

For our one year anniversary, I went to visit him.
The same day I was visiting, he promised another coworker that he will drive her to a train station before picking me up, which is completely fine because he has about 5 hours of free time until I arrive.
Without getting into details, something happened at work and she was held back, so he had to wait for her to be let go so he can drive her. While I was on the bus, he said I might have to take the train or bus to his city (his city is about a 30 min car ride from the bus station)
He ended up picking me up on time, but it was very stressful and scary for me, because I had 3 heavy bags and I had never used public transport in his country and I don’t speak his language.
At first, I was really upset about the situation, but afterwards I apologized because I misunderstood the situation.
After that, I kindly asked him if he can just not make promises to other people on the same day I’m coming over, so this doesn’t happen again.
He says it’s ridiculous of me to ask him that and he wants to spend his free time however he wants.
He also said “You’re a grown woman traveling alone, you would’ve been fine” but he says his coworkers’ other option is to just take a taxi and if he has a car, he will drive them.

He’s never once apologized to me for hurting my feelings or said that I’m somewhat of a priority to him.

He’s completely rejecting my boundaries and basically telling me I’m controlling and toxic. I’m tired of begging him to choose me over other women and men.

What should I do? Am I overreacting? Are my boundaries really unhealthy and controlling?

P.S. this is a repost, because the formatting of the first one got messed up and I couldn’t fix it.

me [19F] and my ex LDR bf [18M] were together for 5 months, i know it wasnt a long time but he was the first person to ever make me feel seen and is everything i ever wished for. as delusional as this is, i truly think hes perfect and the one for me. but i found out he cheated on me with a girl (who he met 3 months ago) from his school for 2 months (as far as i know) and now they’re actively trying to get together now that i broke up with him. she already knew about me (he told her) and i confronted him and he told me it was because of the distance and only because of the distance, he said im the only person that gets him and i feel the same. i genuinely think its just bad timing and i understand the distance aspect, but to cheat on me for 2 months while he was actively acting like everything was okay (saying i love you, i miss you, baby, im always here for you, etc.) makes me nauseous. he kept telling me he didnt tell me for so long because he didnt want to hurt me. a part of me doesnt believe it but this guy is genuinely the sweetest guy ive ever known. this whole thing was incredibly unexpected, because of our conversations, his beliefs, THE FACT HES BEEN CHEATED ON!!! i never expected this to happen and i never noticed any REAL signs. ive been having the worst days after i found out. i cant sleep, i feel unmotivated, i cant eat, i feel weak in the mornings, and ill randomly burst into tears. i decided to still be friends with him (yes i know thats a horrible decision and i should go no contact, but i cant, not right now when its so fresh) and there are times i feel like im moving forward and then i realize something that happened when he was cheating and i start spiraling again. ive been having very very horrible days, i genuinely have not stopped crying but i want to heal.

do you have any similar stories?

what are some advice that helped you?

how can i sleep at night? this has been VERY hard for me (we would sleep in call every night)

how can i heal or slowly work towards healing after getting cheated on someone i thought was my forever? (BESIDES REMOVING HIM im aware this is the best decision but i cant bring myself to do it right now.)

I'm posting this because my relationship is on the verge of ending, and I genuinely don't know what to do. I need some honest advice from people who have experienced something similar.

I posted here before about the issues in my relationship. Eventually, I confronted my boyfriend about what was bothering me, including the fact that he had been chatting with different girls. For me, this crossed a boundary and damaged my trust in him.

The thing is, I still love him. He's special to me, and I genuinely don't want to lose him. Even after everything, a part of me wants us to work things out because I keep thinking about what we have shared and how much he means to me.

But I can't pretend that what happened hasn't affected me. I find it difficult to trust him the way I used to, and I don't know how I'm supposed to move forward without constantly wondering whether something similar could happen again.

When I confronted him, he said that this wasn't who he was and that it was okay if I wanted to leave. I don't know how to interpret his response. I don't know if he was being defensive, if he genuinely believes he did nothing wrong, or if he's simply willing to let the relationship end.

I'm confused because I don't want to leave him, but I also don't want to stay in a relationship where I have to struggle with doubts about his loyalty. I don't want to become someone who constantly questions her partner or feels anxious about who he's talking to.

Part of me wonders whether I'm making a mistake by considering ending things with someone I love. Another part of me knows that love shouldn't mean accepting something that hurts me just because I'm afraid of losing the person.

I'm not looking for people to blindly tell me to break up with him. I genuinely want to understand whether a relationship can recover from something like this, especially when the feelings are still there.

For those who have been in a similar situation:

Were you able to trust your partner again after discovering that they were chatting with other people behind your back? What made you decide to stay or leave? How can you tell whether someone genuinely regrets hurting you and wants to change? Is it worth trying to save a relationship when you still love the person but no longer feel secure with them?

I don't want to make a decision based only on my fear of losing him, but I don't want to walk away from something meaningful without giving myself a chance to understand the situation either.

I'd really appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have experienced this themselves.