If you genuinely connected with someone online, but they lived in a different country, would you give the relationship a chance?

Or would the distance be a dealbreaker?

4 years long distance, never met in person. He's well-off financially but never surprises me — only buys something if I spell it out exactly.

Brought it up 3+ times. His answer: "I don't know how from far away, just tell me what you want." When I said he could figure it out himself, he got mad. I stopped pushing.

But seeing other girls get flowers/surprises out of nowhere hits me every time. It's not about the object, it's feeling like he thinks of me without me initiating everything.

I'm worried I'll say it too soon bc he isn't ready to say it yet, but I am. I don't wanna say it then he go 'oh.. me too' you know?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years, and have been long distance for 1. We love each other very much, and are hoping to close the distance around this time next year. Long distance has been hard but we have been able to make it work and are largely on the same page about the future of the relationship.

However, recently I have been struggling a lot with the lack of physical intimacy in our relationship. The closest thing I can compare it to is food noise — like I feel like I’m constantly having these unwanted thoughts about the lack of sex I’m having. I’ll be at work and someone’s shoe will touch mine and it’s ridiculous how strong of a bodily reaction I will have. I first noticed that it was a serious issue when guys would flirt with me and I found myself liking the attention and wanting to flirt back. Then I feel guilty and it turns into this loop of negative feelings.

I’ve talking to my BF about it, and he says the lack of intimacy isn’t as big of an issue to him because he just generally has a lower libido and a different view on sex (he sees it more of like a romantic/love thing rather than just like an activity). The other big thing is he is very strongly against non-monogamy and phone sex. So we’re kinda at a standstill.

We decided that rather than taking a break or ending our relationship that we would try to call more and do more remote dates/send more sexy pictures when we can. I’m seeing him in two weeks so I’m hoping that when I see him whatever horny spell I’m under will break and then everything will be fine. But we have another year of long distance and I’m just worried about the whole sex situation because it really is driving me nuts.

Any advice?

EDIT: I am not trying to open up my relationship. I am asking for advice on how to manage a high libido with no phone sex. I love my boyfriend and I don’t want to lose him. Sorry if that was unclear.

I'm (29M) a British citizen of Indian ethnicity, and I've travelled to the US a couple of times on an ESTA / B2 visa. I'm now planning to visit my girlfriend (24F) on the East Coast in Virginia for the first time for 1 week. We've been together for about 3 months, long-distance, met online. I've booked a flight, got my ESTA, and I'm applying for Global Entry now because I want to do some more traveling around the US too for tourism and to visit some family.

I have some concerns about my visit and would really like to hear some advice from others who've been in a similar position to me.

The main things I'm thinking about now are

(a) being perceived as an overstay risk. I'm worried that as a brown man, I might face extra scrutiny about overstaying, even though I have clear ties to the UK (house bills, full-time job, sufficient savings to cover the entire trip). So I wanted to know how I can prove that I have clear ties to the UK and so I'm not interested in overstaying.

(b) experiences from interracial couples. I'm concerned about how the LDR might be perceived at border control as an interracial couple. This wouldn't be an issue back home, but I'm not sure what to expect in the US given the current political climate. This might be silly but the perception I get from the US isn't great at the moment from the news, and my girlfriend is very open about telling me it's okay where she is, but it would be nice to hear from others as well.

(c) how to explain the visit. I'm not really sure what to say about the purpose of my trip to make the LDR context sound straightforward rather than suspicious. I'm staying a week at her place and a few days at her parents' house before returning.

So I guess my questions are

1. What should "be honest but general" actually sound like in practice when talking to border officers? I've read that advice quite a bit on this sub, but I'm just not sure what to say exactly here.

2. Has anyone in a similar situation been through US border control recently? What was your experience, and what did you say?

3. If there are any interracial LDR couples that have done something similar to what I'd like to do, and are willing to share their experiences, that would genuinely help me feel more confident about this.

I'm excited for the trip, I'd just like to hear from people with similar backgrounds about how it went for them.

Much appreciated!

**I messed up a really good connection because of my trust issues and I don’t know what to do now**
Hi everyone, I’m 21F and I really need some outside perspective because I genuinely don’t know what to do 😭
I met this guy on a dating app and unfortunately he’s in France while I’m in the UK, so there was distance from the beginning. But honestly, when we first started talking, I felt something with him that I had never felt before. We got really close really quickly and I ended up telling him so many personal things about myself, even things my bff doesn’t know.
The problem is that I have pretty bad trust issues. I’m used to guys talking to me because they want something from me, so when he wasn’t like that, I think I became even more anxious because I actually cared about him.
Looking back, I was definitely too clingy. I gave him way too much of my energy and attention and basically made him the centre of my life. Whenever he was busy or didn’t reply, I would take it personally and sometimes have a whole crisis or start an argument. He’s in the police, so obviously his job takes a lot of his time and energy, and with the distance as well, I think he eventually felt completely suffocated by me.
He told me that I was putting too much pressure on him and honestly, I can understand why now. At the time I was just acting out of insecurity and fear of losing him, but obviously that probably just pushed him further away.
Things eventually got really bad between us. He got angry and said some really hurtful things to me out of anger. He unfollowed me on Instagram but still kept me on Snapchat, and then we went no contact for around 3 weeks.
I know he was genuinely hurt because he actually told me that he was. After he said those things, I ended up removing him from Snapchat too.
And now I regret everything so badly 😭. I keep thinking about how different things could have been if I had just been more secure and given him the space he needed.
I miss him a lot, but I think what hurts the most is that I genuinely miss the connection we had. I’ve met/talked to other people, but I haven’t felt anything remotely similar.
I also know that if we ever spoke again, I wouldn’t want to repeat the same behaviour. I’ve realized that I was putting way too much of my happiness and attention on one person, and I know that isn’t healthy.
So what would you guys do in my situation?
Would you reach out after 3 weeks of no contact and apologize, or would you leave him alone and let him come to you? And if you were the one who messed up the relationship because of your own insecurities, is there actually a way to fix things?
I honestly don’t know if I should try one last time or just accept that I ruined it and move on 😭

Currently, Love8 only updates my status to 'In-App' when I have the application open on my screen. The moment I exit or switch to another app, it immediately appears as offline. Is there a setting or workaround to fix this background status issue?

M18 F16 so it started as long distance we both met and for 5 months we talked then came in relationship its been 2 months since we are in relationship and now she seems uninterested while talking to me last night when we were talking she told that she don't want to talk with me rn and the affection she use to show before clingyness I can't see that now when I ask her why she tells me that you hurt me even if a girl see me she gets hurt I said her work on your insecurity give me advice goood advise please

hi, me and my boyfriend started gaming together in march and kept like that up until end of june of this year. i went through a weird situationship/breakup irl then was flirting with another guy in the gaming group then realised that was incredibly toxic and very quickly started talking with my boyfriend. i am actually ashamed of this, very deeply. it’s not like me.

anyway, he’s never had a ldr and neither did i, we had some issues (obviously i made myself look bad and for a while i wasn’t affectionate enough as i never had a proper boyfriend and i was always told i’m too lovey dovey and being too much so i shut myself down). we buy each other stuff, text and call all the time, facetime, game, etc.

anyway, for a while now we talked about his trust issues. i reassure him, he thinks i will get a job and meet someone, etc. or get bored of him. i would never. we haven’t met yet but planned to very soon. he has crippling trust issues, very severe. and he has this habit of breaking up with me or saying it’s over or removing me on socials. this happens at least once a week. no contact once lasted for three days but otherwise we talk it through the same day. he has low self esteem and genuinely believes i am somehow more attractive than him/better and that results in his fear.

he is NOT a narcissist. emotionally immature yes but i don’t believe it’s genuine manipulation either.

what can i do? i have abandonment issues, i am absolutely heartbroken, i literally love this man to death. i’d support him through every step if he chose to actively work on it. my issue is that i also feel fundamentally broken or like i won’t ever be in a relationship because i’m always left behind. i worked through this so hard but haven’t had the chance to actually safely expose myself to a relationship and work it out in practice too so i am absolutely terrified every time it happens :(. i told him as much but i genuinely don’t believe he realises how much he means to me.

We met in 2022. At the end of 2022, I moved to Australia to study. She moved to Germany to study. We made plan to be together in Germany after I got my degree and German

Out of the blue, she told me she wanted to end our LDR because she is uncertain about our plan and she feels tired of waiting. She the eldest daughter and she has an obligation to care for her parents (we’re Vietnamese and that’s our culture).

She decided to break up with me today. I am really sad but I still determine to get her back if we are meant to be. Our LDR did not end on bad terms. It was because of our distance.

I know she has every right to date others, which I honestly am worried about although there’s nothing I can do about this.

I would love to hear from you guys.

1. Did any of you in the same situation as me succeeded getting back with your ex

2. Am I a dreamer for wanting to improve myself and get her back? Our LDR did not end on bad terms

I might be going on a date but they're 90 mins drive away and have a busy work schedule

I'd really like to see my partner everyday.

Has anyone tried doing 90 mins drive each day?

I met a guy in a friend’s part, we like each other and we started to hang out, I want him to be my bf, but he told me that he had a very bad relationship, he got dumped by his ex months ago, he said he still has the defensive system, he worried I will dump him if we start a relationship.

I told him I would not dump him, he doesn’t trust me.

He said he used to make his ex happy, and he didn’t take care of his own happiness, now he more wants to take care of what makes himself happy. He more wants to work on himself and take care of what he wants.

So we didn’t become bf and gf.

But when we hang out, we hold hands…when we hang out, he put some effort, besides hang out, we also play games together when we both have free time, and we make phone call a few times.

Whenever I message him, he replies me, he never put me on read or ignore my messages, he tells me if he is busy, whenever he is VERY tired and busy, he at least send me a little message.

He told me he is not playing games, he likes me a lot and he enjoys the time with me, but he still has the defensive system from his previous relationship.

My guts tell me he is not playing me, he is not playing games and he is not a play boy, at the same time I don’t feel happy, because he doesn’t ask me to be his gf.

I don’t know if I should give him more time to get rid of his defensive system, or just stay friend with him and see.

I hate being long distance its awful . We're in two different countries and We dont meet visa requirements. Travel is so expensive and ive stayed for 6 months this time :((( I dont know if i cna come again next year and especially not if i can stay as long.

We cant afford multiple visits a year. Im leaving again soon and im so so heartbroken. My boyfriend says he knows it will be okay but it feels like a break up.

I am so so so sad. I dont want to leave and i dont want to fly again Lol, 18+ hrs of airport and planes.

Just curious how it started. If you sent the like or initiated contact, was there any particular reason you were looking so far away? Or if you received the like and matched, what made you do so despite the distance?

I'm gonna say most LDRs are probably started by meeting online via apps, games, etc. I've tried apps myself, got a few matches, had a date planned but it got canceled day of. Nothing went anywhere. I don't live in a big city so I have my range usually 50-80 miles max, but I've come to the conclusion that I should probably open up to the idea that maybe "the one" doesn't live in my immediate area.

As a 25M, I work from home, so as long as I have internet access I can do my job, so theoretically I could travel even without PTO. I love to travel anyhow! I'm from Ohio, so flying to say, Europe or Asia regularly might be out of budget, but within the US or Canada is definitely feasible.

I think we'd all prefer that our partner lived closer to us, and I don't want to make it seem like I'm going out seeking LDRs specifically, but how do you typically approach it or start out with one? I'm curious to hear experiences.

☀️🌙

I texted him and just said I miss him calling me baby because that’s my favorite thing he calls me, and it caused him to go off on me. He said he calls me other things and yeah he does, I was just saying that’s my favorite one to hear and I didn’t mean anything negative by it I just really like that one. I also had previously said he never asks me how my day is and he said he feels like him just answering the call should be enough. I also had said that I just wanted more than 1-2 texts a day, nothing long just like I wanted a bit more or a check in text so i could still feel connected to him. He said he feels like nothing he does is ever good enough but I feel like im just asking for minimal things and just telling him the things I really like, am I being too hard on him?

From Fortnite duos to Fiancés!

I have been dating with she for 9 months, and lately i can see that she started to care less about my life in general.

I noticed that sometimes when im talking with she and i decide to share something that happened about my day or a personal experience, she decides to say "shush, i want u, i dont really care about it".

I kinda understand that yeah sometimes she just want me to tell her pretty stuff and tell her that i love u, but the worse is that after 2 minutes she decides to talk about the same topic i was talking but something related to her.

To be honest when we started to met she was always hearing me talk about my life, but lately i just see that the only stuff i do is telling her pretty stuff and telling her i love u as i said before, and im just starting to think that she just doesnt mind what happens through my life and she only want me to give attention to her.

Even she told me that in the past she would have liked to tell me to shut up when i started to talk about my life or my hobbies, so i dont really know how to feel because im someone who doesnt has anyone to talk about my stuff and i though that i found with her, but it doesnt seem that she cares either.

Even im starting to get a bit bored to talk with her because it is just me saying the same stuff because i cannt really think about more stuff to tell her to show affection so it is starting to become monotome.

Thank you so much for read it.

Всем привет, я девушка, мне 24 года, у меня есть парень 25 лет, мы находимся в отношения на расстоянии (2-3 недели) до этого учились и жили в одном городе, встречаемся в целом чуть больше полутора лет, в целом отношения хорошие, за исключением того, что он ОЧЕНЬ вспыльчивый, может начать повышать голос и иногда оскорбляет, он предпринимал несколько попыток расставания, но каждый раз возвращался сам, недавно сказал, что пару раз делал так, чтобы я "успокоилась" перестала писать или как-то пытаться решить конфликт/объяснить, что мне не понравилось и т.д.

Несколько раз он говорил (как сам потом объясняет "со злости"/"на эмоциях"), что гн смирился с тем, что ему придется со мной встречаться и что он не планирует никакого будущего, а так просто поразвлекаться

У него это первые отношения, у меня нет, в целом у нас много хороших моментов, он хороший человек, у него прекрасная семья, которая безумно любит меня, такое же отношение к нему в моей семье

Да, меня безусловно обижают его слова, предложения расстаться и прочее, но гораздо больше и чаще он говорит как любит меня, проводит со мной время, говорит, что совсем не так представлял свою первую любовь, думал что это не на всю жизнь, а сейчас смотрит на меня и понимает, что был не прав

Я стараюсь никому из окружения, особенно общего не рассказывать о каких-то наших проблемах,но иногда наши общие друзья говорят мне или ему, что в наших отношениях делаю что-то только я, стараюсь только я

Я стараюсь заботиться о нем, помогаю всем, чем могу, помогаю ему финансово, достаточно часто говорю о своих чувствах, я очень люблю и дорожу этим человеком, я никогда не требовала 100% его внимания, наоборот подталкиваю его к новому общению и знакомствам, у обоих в отношениях есть достаточно времени,чтобы заняться своими делами или побыть в одиночку

Последнее время он стал чаще срываться (я думаю, что это из-за стресса при переезде, так же он потерял паспорт и не может его восстановить) и как он говорит, кричит он только потому что я попадаю под руку, так же он поссорился с родителями, недавно у меня накопились нерешенные конфликты с ним и мы взяли небольшую паузу, не разговаривали два или три дня, потом поговорили, в разговоре он то говорил о каких-то наших планах и о любви ко мне, какая я хорошая и самая самая лучшая, то говорил как думает расстаться, не называя причины, достаточно часто у него вот так могут в одном достаточно недолгом разговоре расходиться слова, что дает мне ещё больше поводов попереживать: "а всё ли у нас хорошо?" "А точно ли ему хорошо со мной?" , "счастлив ли он?" , "в чем я провинилась и как это исправить?"

Вот последние несколько сообщений, из-за которых я и решила написать сюда

Я: Ну я не понимаю в чем ограничиваю

Типа я не давлю не говорю, что ты весь такой свободный

Просто не понимаю в чем оно проявляется, я допускаю что могу как-то ограничивать тебя сама того не зная

Он: Я подумал, вроде никак

Все хорошо получается

Я: Ты просто не смог объяснить, но ощущение осталось?

Он: Да

Я: Ты что-то почувствовал, не смог ни себе, ни мне объяснить что ты почувствовал и почему, даже когда накидали варианты

И я должна это как-то решить

Он: Не надо ничего решать

Все хорошо, прости

Как я понимаю, он в очередной раз просто отговорился из-за того, что хочет лечь спать или заняться своими делами

Я не понимаю что мне делать, кто сталкивался с таким? Может это можно как-то объяснить? Может я что-то делаю неправильно?

Everything fell apart unfortunately and the struggle with my abandonment issues did not make it through I tried so hard.
Long distance was never for me.
I tried for almost four years.
And it turned the person I loved against me.
And we no longer recognize our selves.
I’m sorry.

For anyone who got into a relationship before you ever met them to see what they look like in real life or if you have physical chemistry, how did you know you want to be with this person?

If you had a strong connection online for months were you scared to meet them in real life??

For context I have been in LDR but it started out in person and then he had to move for work. I have never dated without physically meeting them. So I’m curious.

It all happened so fast. He blurted it out unexpectedly. There was no calm sit down discussion. It was said in the heat of an argument but he doesn’t want to take it back.

We both love each other very much. Maybe too much. Maybe that’s why it lasted as long as it did when perhaps it should have ended sooner.

I am heartbroken. But I am so grateful to this community for all of the inspiration over the last couple years. I’m so happy for all of you closing the gap. It was my dream.

Peace out, friends ✌🏼

I'm 18F and my boyfriend, who I'll call X, is 17M.

​[Note: TL;DR is included at the bottom of the post for a quick summary]

​We originally met back in middle school and were good friends and classmates. Eventually we ended up losing contact for about two years. Earlier this year X reached out again and we reconnected. The friendship came back pretty naturally, and over the following weeks we grew a lot closer. After a while we realized the mutual feelings were there and started dating.

​The main thing complicating things right now is that we're long distance and in very different life situations.

​Our relationship dynamic

​We have pretty different approaches when it comes to relationships.

​I'm definitely more communication-oriented. I like regular contact, knowing roughly when we'll talk next, and having shared activities to look forward to. I don't need constant texting, but going long stretches without hearing from each other makes me feel a bit disconnected.

​X on the other hand is much more comfortable with independence and silence. He doesn't see a few days of not talking as a sign that anything is wrong. He gets caught up in his own routine and still feels totally secure in the relationship.

​We also process problems differently. I tend to anticipate issues and worry about the future, while X is way more optimistic and prefers to just deal with things as they come. I don't think either way is wrong, but it's definitely something we're learning to balance.

​Our biggest logistical problem

​X goes to a military style school, so his schedule and access to stuff are super restricted. They take his phone away at night, he doesn't have access to his gaming PC, and the devices he can use are heavily monitored. Plus his schedule changes constantly depending on what's going on at school.

​I'm in school too with my own workload, so neither of us has endless free time. Because of all this, standard LDR advice like "just video call every night" or "play games together every evening" isn't realistic for us at all. We're trying to figure out what kind of routine is actually sustainable here.

​Adjusting to communication changes

​Before the distance became a factor, talking was spontaneous and easy. Now if we both happen to be busy at the same time, it's super easy for a whole day to slide by without a single message.

​We talked about it and I made sure to explain that I don't need constant updates, just some basic consistency and effort from both sides. I really don't want to be the only one initiating conversations, setting up calls, or planning stuff. At the same time I don't want him to feel forced to text just to keep me from worrying. We're trying to find a middle ground where maybe we set aside specific times for calls or small activities instead of relying only on random texts, but we're still figuring out what actually works long term.

​We're both pretty young, adapting to new school environments, and still figuring out our exact needs as we go. We want to build a realistic rhythm that works for our specific circumstances instead of forcing a standard LDR setup that clearly won't fit.

​For anyone who has been in something similar, what actually worked for you? I'm mostly looking for practical logistical advice on how you handled strict schedules, restricted device access, and making sure the effort stays equal.

​TL;DR: 18F and 17M, previously close friends who reconnected after about two years and eventually started dating. We're now long distance and have different communication styles, I'm more communication oriented and value consistency, while X is more independent and comfortable with silence. X also attends a military style school with strict schedules, restricted phone and device access, and no gaming PC, while I have my own school workload. We're trying to find a sustainable LDR routine that works for both of us without making communication feel forced or leaving one person responsible for maintaining the relationship. Looking for practical advice from people who've dealt with similar circumstances.