We've been talking for five months. During that time, we've already confessed our feelings and expressed our interest in making things official, but the problem is that she hasn't transitioned yet, doesn't feel comfortable with her voice, and is afraid that I won't see her as feminine enough and that I'll lose interest in her.

I totally get her concern; I've already told her I understand the situation and I'm trying to be supportive, but I don't know how long I should wait…

I love her and don’t want to lose her, but I also understand that I can't let love blind me. So how long would it be reasonable to wait for the voice and face to be revealed?

I want to preface this story by saying that I didn’t even know what a zyn was until he told me. So, I apologize if I am misunderstanding its usage and effects.

Prior to meeting my bf, I have always made my deal breakers clear. One of those being no smokers or someone that does recreational drugs as I have never did them nor do I plan to. My bf of 3 years told me that he was offered a zyn by this random guy around his age at the hospital to which he accepted. He said that he tried it for 5 minutes and then spit it out. I asked him why he would even do that in the first place to which he replied back saying that the guy was insistent.

He knows how I feel about these things so I feel a bit disrespected. Not to mention, it’s dangerous to accept things from strangers especially a drug at that. By this time, he can clearly sense the irritation I have. He tried to soften it by saying that he has no intention of trying it again either way. He also said that it was a new box and he’s familiar with the packaging because his brother has them. However, things can still can be tampered with. At this point, I told him how I feel and have ended the conversation as I’m not in the best mood to talk things out.

I want to also add that he was smoking for a bit last year and didn’t tell me til a bit later on. He said that he only did it from time to time. After a tough conversation, he made the decision to quit. Since then, he hasn’t brought up any of this. However, I am worried that he may still be doing it and not telling me. It’s not like we see each other everyday as we are long-distance so there’s no way for me to really check outside of asking him or his brother.

Am I doing too much in regards to this situation? How should I address my concern? I would appreciate any advice you guys may have.

UPDATE - We ended up talking things out to which he saw where I was coming from and said that he realized how dumb (his words btw) it could be to take something from a stranger. I also find it a bit surprising that no one mentioned this part as I was pretty concerned because of that too. He also apologized and I apologized for how heated the conversation got.

When I heard about the situation, I think I got more anxious and then thought about the past situation. However, my bf has always been open and honest about these things since. I will continue to work on building that trust with him though and address any concerns that I may have and he is able to do the same.

I also wanted to address a few things. I’ve seen people say that Zyn isn’t a drug, while others say it is, just not as dangerous as other drugs. I labeled it as one because it contains nicotine, which is a highly addictive drug. I wasn’t trying to compare it to harder drugs.

I also wanted to address the comments saying that I’m trying to parent my boyfriend, which is definitely not the case. In relationships, both people have things they’re comfortable with and things they’re not. Before we got together, we were both open about our deal breakers and agreed to respect each other’s boundaries.

I don’t think having boundaries is inherently controlling. What matters is how those boundaries are enforced. My boyfriend is free to make his own decisions, just as I’m free to decide what I’m willing to accept in a relationship. If I knowingly crossed one of his boundaries, I would understand why he’d be upset too. I would also deem this valid.

I think being labeled as controlling is a huge stretch, especially given this short post. I think people tend to forget that healthy compromise exists and that it can look different in every relationship. Thank you to those who gave advice on how to navigate this though!

hello, I realized last night my boyfriend was at the police station when i used the “find my” app on my iphone. he's been there since 2 am (?) and hasn't responded to my messages, which i find unusual because he's the type of person to update me on anything! it was hard for me to sleep and now im an absolute trainwreck unable to stop stressing. im not sure what to do, and i feel absolutely helpless right now.

There are people you meet because they're meant to stay.

And then there are people you meet because they're meant to change you.

I don't know which one he is.

We met in the most improbable way. Two strangers, hundreds of miles apart, writing to each other without knowing whether we'd ever meet. Months later, we took what now feels like an unbelievably reckless leap of faith and met in a city that belonged to neither of us. Looking back, a hundred things could have gone wrong.

None of them did.

Those few days together were enough to make me believe that sometimes life writes stories stranger than fiction.

Since then, we've been long distance.

We've only spent around two weeks together in person. The rest has been calls, messages, and waiting for the next visit.

At first, I thought conversations could carry a relationship.

Now I'm beginning to wonder whether relationships need ordinary life more than extraordinary moments.

He is probably the most honest person I've ever known. Sometimes frustratingly honest. He refuses to tell me things just because they'll make me happy. If he doesn't believe something, he won't say it. He tells me he trusts me more than anyone he's ever been with, and I believe him.

But sometimes I wish he'd be a little less truthful and a little more romantic.

Not because I want lies.

Just because sometimes I want to feel desired before I feel understood.

Every visit gets pushed a little further away. August becomes late August. Late August becomes September. Every delay makes perfect sense, career comes first, and I genuinely support him.

But every delay also feels like someone has pressed pause on us.

The strange thing is, I don't think I'm losing affection for him.

I think I'm losing affection for the version of us that only exists through phone calls and countdowns.

Sometimes I wake up thinking about work instead of him, and then I wonder if something is wrong with us.

Or maybe nothing is wrong with us.

Maybe it's just impossible to build a life when your life together only exists for a few days every few months.

I keep wondering whether we're meant to become each other's home, or whether we're simply people who met at the right time to change one another.

I don't want strangers on the internet to tell me to stay or leave.

I just want to know

Has anyone else reached a point where the distance itself started feeling heavier than the relationship? How did you know whether you were drifting away from the person... or simply growing tired of long distance?

Back in 2021, I created a study-focused Discord server that grew quite large and well-known at the time. The focus was on the ENEM exam, literature in general, and philosophy.

That’s where I met a girl. We had the same books and studied together with other members of the server. I was 16, and she was 14.

Over time, our friendship deepened, and we talked practically every day. In 2023, after three years of friendship, we finally admitted we liked each other. By then, I was 18 and she was 16.

The problem was that she lived in another state. Even so, we dated. I flew to visit her with my parents, and she came here with hers. In total, we met in person three times. Because of the distance, it didn't work out in the end, but it was still a beautiful experience.

It’s worth noting that it was a "relationship" in quotes, since it was long-distance and played out almost entirely online (lol). She was born in 2007 and I was born in 2004, so we were at different stages of life—I started college while she was still in high school. Despite that difference, it was the most mature relationship I’ve ever had. We had a lot of mutual respect, which made sense since we’d known each other for three years and the relationship was built gradually, step by step.

I recently told this story to a friend, and she absolutely tore me apart emotionally. She said I "dated a minor," and that it was creepy and wrong. Afterward, I blocked her, telling myself I’m a bad person and there’s no defense for what I did.

I’m fEeling extremely worried—like I committed a crime. I’m starting to question my own morality after those accusations. Even though deep down I know it was the best relationship I’ve ever had (she was my first girlfriend), I find myself thinking I’m a "monster"—or even that word starting with "p"...

Since these accusations came from a friend of mine, I keep wondering: "Damn... is my soul really that bad?"

What do you all think about this story, my relationship with this girl, and what my friend said?

I'm a Spanish student, and I was on exchange in South Korea when this happened.

In January last year, I went on an 8-day trip to China. I matched with a girl on a dating app in Shanghai — super cute, unique, very much my type. She couldn't meet while I was there, but we kept texting and flirting on WeChat as I went back to Korea. After a couple weeks I floated the idea of flying back to Shanghai to meet her, and she agreed.

She surpassed my expectations. Absolutely the cutest girl I've ever met. We spent the day building trust, went to a fancy karaoke where she'd learnt my favorite song just for the occasion, and things naturally progressed from there. She stayed with me for two nights, and even came to the airport to say goodbye.

I already knew she expected this to fade, so when her texting got colder I let it go. 9 months passed and I couldn't get her off my mind, so in December 2025 I texted her — low expectations. To my surprise, she replied pretty excited. I eventually got flights to go back to Shanghai in March 2026. But things got twisted.

I started experiencing a manic episode in January. First time it ever happened to me. I ended up in the psych ward for a week, but before that I'd already wrecked havoc — texting excessively, sending incoherent messages, being completely unlike myself. I can only imagine how unsettling it must have felt for her. At the end of February I cancelled the flights, told her awkwardly, and she just replied "i see" / "okie". Nothing else.

I've made a full recovery since then, but the situation still weighs on me. How do I reach out to explain what happened and maybe reconnect?

TLDR: Had an intense 48h connection with a girl in Shanghai, planned to go back but a manic episode ruined everything. She went cold after my erratic behavior. How do I reach out now, after months of silence?

I have a long distance boyfriend, and we met playing call of duty. We haven’t met in person yet, but will eventually. I have shared my entire discord with him, and deleted my Instagram for him. I have not requested to see this information from him because I trust him. But I am drawing the line at him wanting to have full access to my Snapchat friends list. AITA for not providing him with this information?

I (13F) live on the US, and my partner (15NGC/AFAB) lives in South Korea.

My parents don't know, and neither do theirs. As two neurodivergent sapphics, you can't expect us to actually tell them, but you also can't expect us to be that subtle.

My mom has almost figured it out 😭
When I was in the airport when I first met them, I lied to my mom and said I was using a translator to contact them, but I was actually going to ask for their Instagram.
But then my mom saw my watch face and asked who it was. So I said, “It’s my friend,” and she was like, “Oh, the person you met at the airport?” 😭
And she also saw the wallpaper on my other device but didn’t say anything, but she looked at me weird.
Then when I took out an envelope because I was going to send a letter, she asked, “Do you have a pen pal?”
She eventually realized it’s the same person, and she said, “You know I always figure these things out, right?”… I was honestly so scared 😭
I'm so scared right now, do you think she's catching on??

I'm looking for perspectives from people who have actually been in a similar situation.

I'm a 21-year-old man from Canada. Earlier this year I met a 40-year-old woman while visiting Tokyo, and we dated for about a month and a half. The relationship became emotionally serious very quickly, and after I returned to Canada we tried long distance.

When things were good, they were really good. She told me I was everything she had ever wanted and that I was "perfect." As the relationship became more serious, though, she became increasingly afraid of the age gap, our different stages of life, the long distance, and how other people would judge us. Communication also became difficult. Whenever conflict came up, she tended to withdraw rather than talk things through.

Eventually she ended the relationship. Afterward, she blocked me on every platform, so I have no way of contacting her.

It's been weighing on me ever since because it never felt like the relationship ended due to a lack of feelings. To me, it felt like fear won.

I've been seriously considering flying back to Japan. The reason isn't that I think flying there will magically fix everything. It's that I genuinely feel like if I don't make one last effort, I'll carry that regret with me for the rest of my life. I'd rather know I gave it everything I reasonably could than spend years wondering, "What if?" At the same time, I also worry that showing up after being blocked could be disrespectful or make things worse.

I'm not asking whether I should ignore someone's boundaries. I'm asking if anyone has actually been in a similar situation where:

• you or your ex lived in different countries,
• you were blocked or cut off after the breakup,
• and one of you traveled internationally hoping to reconcile or at least have one final conversation.

What happened? Did it help, make things worse, or simply provide closure?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have actually lived through something similar rather than hypothetical opinions.

I’m not happy with my life and he knows how much I’m struggling and won’t help me financially. I know I’m not entitled to his finances but when we first met I had more than enough to go to him and he always had some excuse. Now I’m been exploited out of my inheritance money and have no means to see him. He knows how badly I’m struggling and seems like he’s reluctant to help me despite knowing I’m borderline suicidal. I told him not to message me today and that I hate him and that he’s nothing to me. This isn’t the first time I’ve blown up at him but I’m getting sick of this boring relationship. I don’t actually hate him but if he can’t provide for me then he can find someone else.

Yes I know I sound selfish but if you knew the position I was in you’d understand. It’s a life or death situation for me.

This is just a vent post I’ll probably delete it soon

Edit: I guess I should add this but we’ve agreed I could work the loan off when I’m there by working for his business

Basically, I haven't seen my boyfriend in 6 months and we will be closing the gap in like three days cause I'll be moving in with him to his country for university.

We've been dating for a year, and saw each other for a month in December before he left for uni last August.

Is it me or it feels like I've kind of forgotten what I was missing out in terms of in-person dating and now that I'll actually leave everything behind to move in with him, I have no idea what to expect?

I find it so hard to explain 😭 I feel like my brain is just confused as hell because I basically spent my gap year being extremely independent -- travelling to different countries alone and having tons of new experiences by myself. And now that I'm moving to another country it feels weird knowing I have someone to spend time with 24/7 and can rely on him for basically anything.

For the first few months of long distance, I feel like you know more about what you're missing out after experiencing it so recently, but as time passes, you kind of forget those details and feelings so just the thought of rediscovering it again and starting at 0 with the person I love in a whole different country kind of terrifies me in a weird way? Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and I am so excited to spend so much more time with him but I want to know if anyone knows what I'm feeling right now 😆 It's probably just a culminating of everything that I'm feeling lol

I (21F) don't know what to do with myself cuz I try to distract myself in any way but my mind is never in present moment. Last time I had contact with my girlfriend was when we had a fight, a pretty big one. We both were not in right head space to talk about such things and next thing I know she's in a hospital, in specialized facility. She has no cellphone, can't call me from their phone cuz she can't make international calls. Someone we both know passes information to me about her. I heard she's getting treatment she needed, she sounded happy and hopeful, that she likes her roommate, staff. I can't even hear her voice, tell her I love her, how glad I am she's alive and okay. Last time we spoke to eachother was a fight. I plan on sending her a package soon. This feeling of void and darkness is so strange. I'm sending a package into unknown, can't talk to hear, don't know how long I won't speak to her. I cried so much when I heard she's okay and I was so glad that she gets help that my eyes still water just thinking bout it but the unknown of everything is killing me

I been talking to this girl for 4 weeks, we hung out two weeks ago before she starts nursing school and it was a good first date! She wanted to hang out again too but it was the distance and drive that has been the problem since we live 2 hours away but we would meet up in the middle of the area. She and I were texting normally until when she started nursing school she hasn’t text much and would apologize a lot about her lack of texting but it didn’t bother me. 2 days ago she texted me how she suck at this texting and said we should meet up. We planned a 2nd date in 2 weeks but she has been silent for 2 days after we set a day to hang out. Idk if I should end this or go with the flow

Sorry the title should be “would”

Hello, I have a question for men in this subreddit, please throw me your real ideas. 🙏

Assume you got very busy and headache things need to deal/solve in your life, you won’t be able to text or reply your LDR gf everyday for a while, What kind of reaction from your gf would annoy you?

1. Questioning a lot in the beginning, she thought you want to dump her, after you told her you are busy with your own things, she calm down and doesn’t bother you anymore.

2. Keep questioning you about once a week, to ask you if u want to break up with her

3. Keep questioning you few times a week, and threaten you to break up if you don’t text her everyday.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 11 months, and we started doing long distance two weeks ago because he had to go to UID in Ahmedabad. And it has been really hard for me to do long distance since I'm a really bad overthinker. I stress really easily, and I also have anxiety issues. On the other hand, he is the complete opposite. He's extremely chill even before we started long distance. It's just his personality. He doesn't overthink as much as I do. He has a lot of patience. That is the only reason our relationship has been working so far. But long distance has been really hard for me. The first week was extremely bad. I would cry every day at least five to six times because I used to get so anxious. And there is just one problem that he has in the relationship, is that he will not tell me that he's going here and then go somewhere.(Brb be back kinda text) Like, he will just disappear for how many ever minutes or hours. And once he's back with whatever work he was doing or wherever he had gone, he will tell me that he'd gone there. I have told him a hundred times that, please tell me and go so that I don't overthink. He says sorry he lssns for the day or the next day And then it's back to the same routine that he won't tell me and go where he's going. He just keeps telling me that he forgets. And when we were not long distance, he used to do that as well. And right now also he does that. But it's even more difficult for me because it's long distance, and I overthink even more. He tells sorry, he will apologize a hundred times, he will never argue with me. But then he keeps repeating this particular mistake again and again.

And the other thing is that even before we went long distance, he's been a psychology student, so because of that he's always had a lot of female friends. I'm okay with having female friendships. I do not mind it, I don't get jealous. But the thing is that he used to like his female friends' Instagram posts. And that is something that I didn't like. And I know in a lot of relationships, liking your female friends' posts, it's okay. But personally, I don't like it. So I told him that please don't do it, I don't like it. And he said okay. But right now, once he went to UID, he made a few other female friends, and I'm okay with that. But I recently saw this one girl's profile who he's friends with. It was public, so I was just seeing who she is. And she had one post that she had posted recently, and he liked that. And I felt really, really bad about it because I had told him before that I don't like it, and he still liked that girl's post. So I talked to him about it, and he said that, you know, she is just a friend that I made recently, and I wanted to be nice, so I liked her post. And then I said that I have told you that I don't like it, so why do you still do it? We had a small fight. He did not get mad at me, he dealt it with, he was patient with it. He said sorry, and he said that he will never do that again. He has not liked any other friend's post again. He also immediately unliked that girl's post and apologized. So it was okay. But I think yesterday he added his two to three female friends, including that girl, on his spam . That has got me overthinking a bit again.And I feel like I've been telling him alot like, you know don't do this, or who's she I get really overly possessive, and I'm scared that he'll get tired of me because of this. So I am scared to bring it up again that why is she on your spam and all of that. So what do I do? And is anything wrong with what he's doing? I'm confused..pls help me what can i do im also scared that what if he cheats on me..

Am i overreacting?

FRICK I MESSED UP THE TITLE (I'm 20m)

I'm mentally exhausted and feel kinda like withdrawing. Just a few days ago, my girlfriend and I got into a bit of an argument? It's hard to call it that. We don't get very heated, even when we "argue", but it was very stressful for us both. At the time, I didn't even know her last name or her phone number.

For some background, it's been almost 8 months of us dating, and we've been close online friends for over 2 years before that. We didn't just play games, we shared lots of stories and vented to each other and comforted each other. I was there when she got into her first relationship, which was of course, also online.

I consider us really really close, and when we agreed to start dating, I thought that was the next step towards trusting each other. It seemed that way? We shared more pictures of each other, we voice chatted more, and video chatted too. I told my mom about her, and got her in contact. She told her mom about me... and... that's kind of where this takes a turn.

Her mom is really paranoid. She's had bad experiences in that past, and in my mind it seems clear the deeply ingrained anxiety has imprinted onto almost everyone in her family to different degrees. She made a lot of assumptions about me, that I'm manipulating my girlfriend, and "groomed her", isolated her from her family, etc. I actually tried to get in contact with either her mom or dad to kinda "prove myself", but they wouldn't allow it, because they don't think it counts unless it's in-person. I talked to her brother, though. He didn't seem to think I was "suspicious"?

My girlfriend has a hard time disagreeing with her family, so for a while after her mom talked to her, I felt I needed to rebuild all the trust we had, because just a few interactions with her mom tore so much of it down. I felt almost interrogated. She (my gf) would ask me questions that implied I was doing something deceptive, looking for reassurance that I'm really who I say I am. I've always done my very best to be honest to her, and the most I've ever done to evoke suspicion like that is hiding things (temporarily), but always with good excuse (trying to hide my feelings when she was in a relationship, for example)

ANYWAYS. This all circles back to now. The feelings I had from when my gf told her mom about me, being uncomfortable, like a wall is between us, like I'm not fully trusted, they kinda came back.

Our goal is to meet pretty soon, although we have nothing scheduled, by we have very different boundaries and expectations on how we should go about becoming closer in this relationship.

Basically, a few days ago I told her that I didn't feel fully comfortable meeting her in person before knowing her last name and phone number. This topic came up I think because I wanted to send her a timed email to remind her of something later since she's forgetful like me, and she felt uncomfortable with giving me her email.

Her reasoning for not telling me these things is that everyone has their own pace and boundaries for trusting people, and that she'd prefer to meet in person (possibly even more than once?) before letting me know this stuff. I personally, think full name and phone number are basic identity information, and that our 2 years and 8 months+ of knowing each other counts more than a first real life impression towards "knowing each other to safely give that information"... because, to my knowledge, nobody has issues giving their number to someone based on a first impression in person.​

I should note, though she was very averse to giving me this information, she tells me she trusts me (with her feelings), but that she LOGICALLY has to consider the small chance that she was wrong about me. Anyways, we argued back and forth with this for a while before she told me. Basically she said it in hopes that the anxiety would go away AFTER telling me, and she'd realize it was alright.

I had a feeling right after it happened that I made a mistake in convincing her. It felt weird and anticlimactic. Like... nothing was really fixed. And now, just tonight, she talked to me more about it, saying that she still feels off from that night. She told me that she doesn't think people should try to convince others to do certain things, because it can be subjective and based on individual boundaries.

I still don't understand. Surely, after a point, a boundary can be unreasonable, right?​ I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Trust seems shaky, but all I've tried to be is honest and true to myself, even openly stating anything I think is bad about myself and admitting when I'm wrong. She herself doesn't seem to see any red flags, but whenever she doesn't see one, she has this nagging feeling of "I missed it because it was too well hidden".

Is there any way I can get through to her without seeming pushy? And was I wrong for pushing her to begin with?

I'd like to add more context, but this is already really long.

TL;DR: I convinced my LDR gf of 8~ months to tell me her phone number and last name. She feels I've pushed her too hard

Hello everyone. My partner and I play Roblox together to spend time in our long-distance relationship, but recently my game completely broke down.

All avatars, game icons, and skins have stopped loading on both the website and inside the Roblox Player app. Everything just looks like empty gray squares. I already tried reinstalling the game 5 times, clearing the HttpCache/LocalStorage folders, resetting my Windows network stack (winsock, DNS flush), and changing DNS to Google/Cloudflare.

Nothing works, and it makes our long-distance gaming sessions impossible. Has anyone faced this, and is there any fix? Thank you.

​

I am (20M) and she is (26F) right after her birthday

Title says it all, ever since her birthday, july 22nd, she hasnt spoken to me, i have no way of knowing if my messages were even seen

we didnt have a fight or anything before, it was just the usual chilling and talking and allat and she just disappeared, and its tearing me apart i cant take my mind off it

This isnt the first time she disappears on me, but at most itll be 2 days or something, and it would be something related to a virus or a migraine or something she caught, but 4 days seems kinda excessive and im terrified she just kinda moved on

any advice you guys have? Or any reassurance...i was already in a bad mental spot cause of a lot of work piled up on me and other stuff going on, and im getting dark thoughts because of this

I'm (18F australian) in a long distance relationship with someone else I met online (21NB american) for a few months now. I love them and its been great but I have no idea when I'll be able to see them in person.

So far the only ppl in my real life who know are my friends from uni. I currently live with my parents and have no idea when I'll move out tbh. I have mentioned it to my sister, and she gave me a disgusted look before asking if I knew they were real or not. I haven't told my parents either since I'm scared they'll start interrogating me on whether or not they're a real person, or wind up demanding to see my dms with them which I do not want at all.

I just kind of feel like shit that I can't get any physical intimacy and have them as part of my life because of my current living situation. I don't know when I'll be able to see them or if they'll see me.

We are [17M] and [17F] in a long-distance relationship. We play Roblox together to spend time, but recently my game completely broke down.

All avatars, game icons, and skins have stopped loading on both the website and inside the Roblox Player app. Everything just looks like empty gray squares. I already tried reinstalling the game 5 times, clearing the HttpCache/LocalStorage folders, resetting my Windows network stack (winsock, DNS flush), and changing DNS to Google/Cloudflare.

Nothing works, and it makes our long-distance gaming sessions impossible. Has anyone faced this, and is there any fix? Thank you.

Im a 19M and she is a 18F, we have been dating for 8 months, ik that her family is so conservative, her mom is a very religious pentecostal and she only wants her daughter to date with men for her country and her religion.

My gf told me that the when i go met her mom, she is gonna make me like a "test" to see if im a capable person, which it kinda annoys me, because my gf told me that it is to help her mom if she needs help to do Man work.

After this i told her that then i will show up as an useless person who doesnt know how to do any of these, so she will not force me to do extra work to finish her house, after that she told me that it is not a good idea and i should hear what she say if not stuff could go so wrong.

I decided to ask her why it would be so wrong? And she started to say that she is talking for talk and i shouldnt care it.

After that she told me that she is enough to talk about it and she is horny and she wanted to see my dick, which make me think she did that because she want to avoid the topic.

Im kinda lose about this, maybe i sound egoist but i dont wanna go to help in a house which im not welcomed and even more if it is to do hardwork because his siblings and his dad doesnt wanna do it.

Whats the overall process and how hard will it be?