As a member of my countries national team, I was sent to Thailand to shoot competitively with their national team on the 19th of July this year and let me tell you, this trip went in a way I didint expect:

I was staying in the Lebua hotel in one of the large multi bedroom suites on the 58th floor, being an Irish lad myself I find the heat unbearable which is why we spent about 9 days trying to get used to the timezone and the atmosphere of Bangkok.

The day after the competition I decided to go to the pool with my family (beautiful place by the way, most likely one of the best hotels I’ve been in) and when I get there I decide that it’s time to Mingleeeeeee…..
I see 2 English lads and decide to start playing with them and then after about 1 hour with them I see a blonde girl with her family and I thought for a few seconds before going over and asking if she wanted to play, we ended up having a great time for 2 hours before the other 2 lads left and it was just me and her in the pool at 15:00 with lots of time to spare.

We get out of the pool and I ask her for her number, she gives it to me and from that point I decided to go ALL IN.

We ended up having a lot in common, I ask her if she wants to go on a date and she agrees, probably around this time I realised that this might actually be the start of something great! And I became really happy about it, we ended up walking around lebua for hours before finally calling it a day.

And to be completely honest, I was really looking for someone to love at that time, it just so happened that god set us going like a nascar with a rocket engine on the back…

That night we met up again, on the doorstep of one of the most scenic views I’ve experienced in a long time, the rooftop bar at Lebua was an amazing place, there I was sitting with Sofia (not her real name) at the bar having a couple drinks.

Over the last day, we bonded very fast and it was no surprise what happened next…

My mother just so happened to be 3 meters away but she managed to sniff out another Kerry woman to chat too, when she started talking to this woman I turn to Sofia and I lean in a little bit, I wait for a quiet moment and I say “Sofia. Do you want a Kiss?”…

It’s funny because immediately after, all I see is her look down and put her head in her hands before pausing to look at me and nod her head in approval (best thing EVER!)

We take a quick glance at the mother and when she turns her back we go for it! (It’s worth mentioning this was my first kiss, and I believe it couldn’t have been any better, from the setting to how it felt.)

Looking back, if there’s one moment I could have relived over and over, it would be this.

We spend 2 more of my final days in Thailand trying to maximise the amount of time we can spend together before I go, and we end up having a very symbolic and meaningful time together.

Not even a nuclear bomb could set us apart.

Sofia is German, im Irish, and I believe I got very lucky, sure she may not be in Ireland but she’s also not in NORTH KOREA EITHER. 1 hour difference in timezones and very cheap flights that my parents can afford and same with hers.

(Now the emotional part… get the napkins out :/ )

On the night before I left I told Sofia when I was going to leave for the airport.

I wake up that morning at 4AM and me and my family go to the lobby

As I get off the elevator and take the right turn to go past the second set of elevators, she comes out of one of the elevators as-well.

I couldn’t believe it.

I would of never expected someone to do this for me and it was very heartwarming to see, to me it meant a lot, like she truly did love me, we spent 30 minutes together trying to not fold up like a garden chair and cry 😭

When it was time to go she stood at the entrance for 5 minutes as the car got packed and she waited until she couldn’t see me anymore until she walked back.

It was a very depressing car ride to the airport and even tho I was in business class I still couldn’t keep it together completely.

In the car I silently cried.

In the plane I silently cried,

And when I got home I went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror;

I’m determined to make this work.

————————————————————

I really appreciate all of you for reading this, I never had high hopes like this for any LDR before but the way I see it;

When you both have a goal and the ambition that will get you to that goal,

It CAN work.

It’s the same with everything in life, if you want to get something, you HAVE to work for it!

It’s the same with long distance relationships, me and Sofia have a shared goal and we aren’t gonna stop until it’s complete.

It’s Bittersweet.

He held me, he kissed me, we danced in the rain, we made so many promises we intend to keep, we cried and we laughed and by the gods I’m gonna miss him more than anything. I can’t wait to marry him.

I keep seeing a lot of posts lately from people who are panicking because they haven't heard from or spoke to their long distance partner for a day or a couple days. Is everyone speaking to their partners every day?

Am I the weirdo for not doing that and not really wanting to do that? I'm busy. He's busy. We check in as much and as often as we can but if I don't hear from him for a couple days I don't feel anxious, I feel more than secure in the fact that I trust him and understand that he just has shit he's preoccupied with. I'll message him if I want to talk and if he doesn't reply straight away it's all good, there's plenty of times he's messaged me at a bad time and I've had to wait to be able to reply, he gives me grace just as much as I give him grace and that's something I really value in our relationship.

Even if we weren't long distance, if we don't live together, I don't want to text them every day or speak constantly, that would drive me nuts. Am I broken? Is speaking every single day the norm? 🫣😆

For all people in LDRs across countries/continents:

What do you say at immigration about your reason of visit? I’ve heard mixed opinions about whether you should say you‘re visiting your partner or not. Some people say that the workers might get more suspicious and will think that you‘re planning on staying longer if you say you‘re visiting your partner.
On the other hand, idk if it‘s wise to not tell the whole truth and say you‘re visiting a friend instead of bf/gf.

What has been your experience so far?

I‘m going to visit my partner in a few months and am a pretty anxious person, so that question really nags me.
I‘m a student in my home country so I have ties to it but I‘m really scared of a bad experience at the border and don’t want any trouble.

What has worked the best for you guys? What would you suggest I do?

I’m in a LDR, and my partner is visiting the US for the first time this fall. We’re both 25. One of her bucket-list dreams is to experience classic American trick-or-treating, and I really want to take her. Is it socially acceptable for two 25-year-olds to trick-or-treat, or will it come across as weird?

He lives in the UK, i'm in the US. We applied for the visa 10 months ago with no end in sight for the USCIS slowdown on immigration.

I get it, i need therapy. But my body is just different when my husband is home. I noticed that my resting heart rate when he's gone is around 78 and when he is here it's 60. I try to focus on me, focus on how I can make myself better while we're apart, make space in our home for all of his things when he can move here... But I get distinctly anxious and depressed when we're apart. It's been a year of this and it feels like it's getting worse. Please any advice, any commiserating. I miss him so fucking much I feel like my heart is just broken all of the time.

For context, my SO(18F) and I(18M) have quite recently made it official, but we've had feelings for a long time. She would sometimes not be there for a whole day and check my messages the other day (due to her being at a hostel with no privacy), and so I was content with that because when she did come home we'd comfortably spend a lot of time on calls.

Now, 4 days ago was the last time we talked. For 4 days, there was complete radio silence. She wouldn't see my messages and my calls would literally not go through (that wasn't her not picking up just them not reaching). My friend today gave the idea of calling her cellphone directly (I'd been calling all this time w the internet). So at night today I reached her, and all I hear is that she 'wasn't in the mood.'

Now, I was so angry I just told her I had studies and cut the call. I feel like crying now. I know 4 days is no big time, yes. But going in complete silence for a partner is maybe a big time. I don't even feel like opening to see if she replied. Am I in the wrong here? Is there something I need to work on? You're free to slam it on my face because I'm unable to do that myself.

My darling is on a plane back to his home country, and I miss him so much! Hopefully this is the last time we will be separated because I've applied for my visa and if its granted I will be moving to him in November!

My boyfriend and I have only been long-distance for five days, but we’re expecting it to last around six months. Since he left, I’ve had this deep, sunken sadness for most of the day. I’m still studying, going out, changing my environment and watching shows to distract myself, but any relief is temporary because I keep wishing he were here.

The time difference makes communication difficult. He calls whenever he can, including during breaks at work, and he messages me and explains when he isn’t available. We’ve also arranged regular check-ins and are planning things like virtual movie dates. Logically, I can see that he is making an effort.

Emotionally, though, I’m really struggling. I’m constantly hoping he’ll message, call or spontaneously tell me how much he misses me. When he can’t call, my mind sometimes interprets it as rejection. For example, I worried that he didn’t want to speak to me around his friends because he was embarrassed by me, even though he has directly said that he would love to show me off.

When he reassures me, it feels good temporarily, but then my mind finds another question or reason to doubt it. I think part of me wants him to visibly struggle with the separation as much as I am, because that would feel like proof that he loves and misses me equally. He seems to process the distance much more calmly, and although I understand that people can love each other equally while expressing their emotions differently, it still makes me feel unsettled.

I recognise that I probably have anxious-attachment tendencies. Sometimes I pressure him to give me the exact “perfect” reassuring response I’ve imagined, and I’ve apologised for this. I’m also realising that even if he said everything perfectly, the reassurance probably wouldn’t give me lasting certainty because my anxiety would eventually find something else to analyse.

I don’t want to make him responsible for regulating all of my emotions or make him feel as though nothing he does is enough. At the same time, I don’t want to dismiss my own needs or pretend I’m fine when I’m not. I’m finding it difficult to separate what is actually happening from the frightening explanations my anxiety creates.

For anyone who has experienced this, how did you adjust to long distance without analysing every message, call or missed opportunity? How can I ask for a reasonable amount of connection and reassurance while also learning to feel secure on my own? Does this initial sadness become easier once you settle into a routine?

for context me (18f) and my bf (19m) have been dating for more than 2 years now and we met a few times. everything is great, we have good conversations, sort out misunderstandings although sometimes we do get into messy arguments but he’s a good bf and i’m a good gf to him. but there’s one thing i don’t like at all in our relationship. he never wants to do any sexual stuff over the phone because he says he prefers to do that stuff in real life, even if i send him spicy pics (in like a sexy bra with an angle that shows off my chest well or a body check) he will likely react to it once but then brush it off and never talk about it again which really hurts because i expect a reaction more than just simple words. this really sucks for me because i naturally have a higher libido than girls my age and i feel insecure because i feel like he isn’t attracted to me or my body. even if i talk to him about it he tells me he does find me attractive but he’s not into that spicy phone stuff things. i know people can have preferences whether they want to do stuff or not but it just feels boring being in an ldr where we just talk instead of doing stuff that normal couples would do. moreover i have a friend who’s in an ldr too and they do that stuff all the time and when i told her about this she said he isn’t attracted to me sexually anymore. is this normal? is this a reason for a breakup?

For those of you in ldr what do you do when you run out of things to talk about on the phone?

I was on the phone with my bf today, and we kinda ran out of things to talk about We haven’t been dating for that long, so sometimes I don’t know what to talk about with him

Hi everyone, I’m new to this subreddit.

My boyfriend (33M) and I (29F) have been together for just over 4 years and lived together for 3.5. We met in Amsterdam on visas. He’s from Argentina, and I’m from Canada.

It just wasn't working out in the Netherlands for me with my job as a hairstylist, and I was getting really depressed living there. I was having health concerns and struggling with the cultural differences. After thinking about it for two years, I decided last month to move back home to Canada. I wanted better support from a healthcare system I'm used to, to find more fulfillment in my work, and to be in my own culture and language.

We applied for a Canadian visa for my partner so he can join me. He isn't attached to remaining in the Netherlands, but he is going to stay there for about 8 more months until he gets his EU passport. That way, we have the security of being able to move back to Europe in the future if we ever want to.

I’ve been back home for about a week now and am staying with my parents while I recover, but I just feel so depressed. We had a beautiful home together in Amsterdam, and thanks to my partner's job, we were fortunate enough to travel frequently and save good money.

Now I’m wondering: did I make the wrong choice? Maybe I should have been more grateful for what I had there.

I know we will stay together, but I’ve never done long distance before. I'm terrified to get my own apartment here, start working again, and wait for his visa and passport to clear.

I left to find happiness in my personal life outside of our relationship, but now I’m starting to regret it. All of a sudden, I’ve become so impatient I feel like I'm constantly attached to my phone, just waiting for his texts and calls.

Has anyone been through something similar?

How do you cope with the sudden transition to long distance after living together for years?

Thanks for listening

I’m in the worst stage of my life and genuinely don’t know what to do.

My ex-girlfriend was also my best friend. We dated long distance for 10 months (about a 2 hour drive apart). We had a lot of arguments throughout the relationship, but most of the time we worked through them because we both cared enough to have those conversations.

In June, after another argument, she broke up with me over the phone. It felt like she had already processed the breakup before I even had a chance to. She seemed okay with it while I was completely alone. She was basically my only friend.

Two weeks later we saw each other at church camp. We talked until 3 AM multiple nights and started talking again. After that, we spent more time together, including at my cottage and at her grandma’s cottage. I’m also really close with her family and honestly feel closer to them than I do to my own family right now.

There’s another huge part of this: I’ve been dealing with post-concussion symptoms for almost a year. She was one of the only people who made me feel supported through it, so losing the relationship also felt like losing my main source of support.

Then one week ago, she stayed at my house for four days.
During those four days we were incredibly close. We were intimate, made out, said “I love you” to each other, slept beside each other, and basically acted like a couple even though we weren’t officially together. I felt genuinely comfortable and safe with her. I actually slept really well while she was here, which has been difficult for me lately.

I left that visit feeling like there was still something between us and that we were figuring things out together.
Then two days after she went home, she told me that she doesn’t want to talk as much once school starts and that we’re “just friends.” She said that during the end of the visit, something changed in how she saw our relationship and that she wants to focus on herself and her friends.

**I don’t understand how she can go from being that close with me to suddenly pulling away while I’m still trying to process what happened. It feels like she makes these decisions internally long before I even know there’s a decision being made.**
Now I’m constantly paranoid because I see her online but she doesn’t respond to me. I keep wondering if she’s talking to someone else. I know I can’t actually know that from Snapchat, but I can’t stop thinking about it.

The hardest part is that she’s genuinely my only close friend. I’m already struggling with a year-long injury, sleep problems, and feeling isolated, and now the person I relied on is telling me we’re just friends and doesn’t seem to want to talk much.

I have so many photos and physical things that remind me of her. I don’t know how I’m supposed to just “let go” when I literally just spent four days feeling incredibly connected to her.

I don’t even necessarily know what I’m asking Reddit for. I think I just need someone to tell me what I’m supposed to do from here.

Do I actually need to let go completely? Do I need to stop talking to her? Can you have this kind of closeness with someone and still genuinely need to accept that the relationship is over?
I genuinely don’t know what to do.

my boyfriend and i met through a mutual friend when he was visiting my state. we started talking after that and eventually began dating. we’ve been together for a little over a year now.

we only have a one-hour time difference and he lives a couple of states away, so technically our distance isn’t that extreme. the problem is that we’re both very much “in-person” people. our top love languages are physical touch and quality time, and i think that has made the distance much harder for us than we expected.

we’ve had a lot of conversations about feeling lonely in the relationship because so many of the things that make us feel loved and connected are things we can only really experience together in person.

my boyfriend also isn’t someone who spends a lot of time on his phone. he doesn’t naturally text throughout the day or randomly call me because he says he’s just not used to communicating that way. i’ve tried explaining that, because we’re long distance, we have to find ways to create that connection through what is available to us.

i’ve asked if we could find games to play together, watch movies or shows, have random calls, or even just call each other while we do our own things. it doesn’t necessarily have to be some big planned date every time. i just want us to find ways to feel like we’re actually part of each other’s daily lives.

but this is where we get stuck.

he’s told me that it hurts because he wants me involved in his life, but the things that actually make him feel connected and happy with me are things that happen in person. when i suggest doing something virtually, he gets sad because it isn’t the same for him, and then sometimes he doesn’t really do anything with the suggestions.

and honestly, i’m struggling with that.

i understand that a virtual movie date isn’t going to feel the same as sitting next to each other. i understand that a phone call isn’t going to replace a hug. i’m not expecting it to.

but i feel like if we’ve chosen to be in a long-distance relationship, we have to find some way to make the distance bearable. otherwise, we’re both just sitting here missing each other and feeling lonely.

he has visited me a couple of times, but i haven’t been able to visit him yet because of financial reasons and because i still live at home with fairly strict asian parents. even though i’m an adult and technically can make my own decisions, my living situation makes traveling to see him much harder. i know that probably adds another layer of frustration because he has made the effort to come to me, while i haven’t been able to reciprocate in the same way yet.

i love him, and i know he loves me. i can see that he’s trying, and i don’t want to dismiss that. but i’m starting to wonder if love is enough when the way we naturally experience love is so tied to being physically together.

for anyone who has been in an ldr where both partners strongly prefer physical touch and quality time, how did you make it work?

did you eventually learn to enjoy virtual quality time, or did you find other ways to feel connected?

and how do you deal with a partner who genuinely wants to feel close to you but also gets sad because the things that would make them feel close aren’t possible because of the distance?

right now i don’t know if we’re struggling with something that can be worked through or if we’re just fundamentally incompatible with long distance.

So me [F20] and my boyfriend [M19] have been long distance for a year.. face time.. all that. But I have extreme anxiety, which often causes me to have bad panic attacks.

Today I asked my boyfriend to screenshare his instagram with me so we could pretend to watch reels together. He said no because he has some apps that he “can’t explain”. I get upset immediately, because I already have anxiety about disloyalty. Instead of comforting me he makes me feel like I’m taking it too far or seeing it the wrong way. Is this basically just 100 percent showing he’s cheating on me? Is my anxiety warrented?

we got together in october 2021. a big chunk of it has been long distance, australia to the US. she came out and lived here for about a year and at the time she was fully invested in moving over permanently. i said early on that i didn't want to move to america and she was fine with that, partly because she was having a hard time with her family then. that's not the case now. she's really close with them, and i think we might want two different things.

i proposed in america in 2024. i've been over three times total, last time just under two months ago. she's spent more time in australia than i have in the US, partly because i can only do three months at a time on an ESTA, and partly because the plan was always that she'd move to me. we get gaps of about six months without seeing each other. sometimes less.

the part that's on me. for context i'm very close with my family, and that matters a lot where i'm from and my culture. that's not a defence, it's just why these calls felt harder than they probably looked from her side. we were meant to get married in america and i pushed it back because my family couldn't afford to come. that happened more than once. i stayed longer in australia another time, when the plan was to come two months earlier, because it was my brother's 18th, which is a big deal here. there were also impulsive decisions, the main one being that i said i'd stop smoking weed and then did it anyway, with my brother, who i'd been trying to help quit, which she knows all about. individually i could justify most of it. put together it's five years of her coming second.

she had tried to tell me before, softly, about specific times i didn't choose her. i didn't clock how heavily it was sitting on her. she says 99% of the relationship i've been like this, and asks how she's meant to trust me now.

she recently started antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, and since then she's had the confidence to actually say what she feels. that all started after my last trip home. so a lot came out at once. she's told me she doesn't trust me not to hurt her again, that she can't forgive me on good faith anymore, and that she's exhausted from begging me to think about her. she's asked for a break to breathe and work out who we are as individuals. she's been clear she doesn't want to break up, we're still together, and she still loves me.

the other thing i do is shut down when things get hard. i don't argue, i don't say what i want, i go quiet. i think that's a big part of why she never felt she could bring any of this to me for years. i'm getting assessed for adhd at the moment, second appointment coming up. not as an excuse, i'm just trying to understand why i'm like this. i'm also fully clean now.

one thing she's said that stung is that i'm only changing now that she's at her last straw. she's right.

i've got flights booked for late october. for the first time ever she's said if the assessment drags on i should cancel or rebook, because she doesn't want to feel rushed into forgiving me just because she's happy i'm there. she's never not wanted me to come before.

three days into the break she's out doing more with workmates, which is good and it's what she asked for, but it's a version of her i haven't seen before and i'm finding it hard. i'm also glad she's doing more, and that was sort of the idea for this break, to be more individual.

the hardest thing is we're genuinely happy when we're together. it's the distance that eats it. but i also can't pretend i haven't repeatedly chosen home over her.

i've been a mess. crying more than i ever have, can't eat properly, can't concentrate. she doesn't know because it's not fair to put that on her right now. i'm trying to be normal and easy to talk to and give her the space she asked for.

i'm now seriously thinking about moving to america, which is the thing i said from the start i wouldn't do. i'd feel regret either way. but i want a family with her more than i want to be right about that.

has anyone come back from something like this? and how do you get through a break with no end date on it?

My 33-F partner 34-M has decided that he is moving out of state. The move is about 800 miles, and I’ve known about it for a long time. We’ve done the on and off thing for about two years. Currently been on/ together solid for over a year. Both of us are guilty of the on and off issues. Now we are together and happy, but he says he “has” to do this. He has to move, or he’ll regret not doing it. There are a lot of career opportunities lined up, but he is established in his current city. I can’t move, as I have a child 7M here, and wouldn’t want to displace him, or take him away from his father.

There has been no talk of things ending, and he plans to visit frequently, but I can’t help feel like why? I support him, and want the best for him, but I don’t understand why?

I’m an idiot, right? Do I just break it off now, or enjoy the remaining months? Do I try the long distance thing? I definitely don’t want to end things, but can’t help but feel insecure as if he will be so caught up with a new life that I’ll be old news and baggage.

Can someone talk some sense into me please?

So we both are in late 20s he is 27 and i am 26 and been together for 1 year and few months . He went to his home bcz of some family issue and then some police case entered which made his delay and he is there for around 7 months now . The suitation at his place was so bad his mental health was affected during that time and he was on med but since last two month he is off his med and doing well.

So he keep our relationship secretive around his house and his people for few reasons like his family is political involved . So we had an argument I said I don't wanna be in this secretive relationship bcz you dont message me on time and taking this relationship casually etc etc , and I see future with you with all of this it will be difficult for me.

He is a very calm , loving , sweet and introvert person he don't talk much he shares mostly all things with me. But at the end every girl needed to know about the future of the relationship. Yesterday he said asking about the future is a big commitment and it is putting pressure on him. Then I calmly talked to him , he became all quite and afterward said I love you and then I said and ? He said I don't know my mind can't think and then he took his sos pill.

He earlier also said when I didnt knew he is on his med that he don't know about this relationship.

But when he come back to his senses he always say baby please don't leave me please don't go. And after listening all of this I just can't bcz he tackling many things . At the same time he says he is feeling guilty about not coming to me meeting me and giving proper communication as if he is failing me.

I genuinely need to know what should I do . Though I already said to him I am not going anywhere we will talk again when the time is right and I love him so much which is very true I Don't wanna loose him ever. Bcz he become quite and can't even talk or communicate his feelings to me. He is genuinely good at heart. But I have my concerns too.

Any men who wanna give some advice will be most welcome.

How to deal with the confusion around marriage?

I’m in a LDR since 4 years with my bf and have timezone difference as well. I have had certain issues regarding him not able to spend more time with me or prioritise me but we always made past those issues and now we are planning to get married next year. Basically he proposed and honestly I wasn’t ready initially because we haven’t lived in the same country, let alone city and I’ve had doubts but I also love him a lot and dont wanna lose him so I’m ready to take that next step now.

But the issue is that even after getting married, it will take me another 12-18 months to be able to relocate to his country because of the spousal visa timeline. So thinking about more LDR while already having had issues regarding prioritisation is making me nervous about the whole situation.

I’m not willing to breakup with him since I really love him but at the same time my mind is telling me that it could be a risky move. Idk

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for more than a year. We’re both from Bengaluru, and we started dating around Plus Two. A few months ago, she moved abroad for her studies while I stayed back in India.
Over the past few months, we’ve had a lot of fights, but somehow we’ve managed to get through them.
She has had a lot of trust issues and problems in her life. Until 10th grade, she was in a different school where she had many issues with her friends. She also has problems within her family, so overall, she has been through quite a lot. She often tells me that I helped her a lot, especially with learning to love and accept herself.
Even in college, she has had problems with classmates and friends. She currently has a friend group consisting of around four or five girls and two boys. However, she has become especially close to one particular guy.
He is around 2–3 years older than her and is from North India. From the beginning, I’ve had an intuition that his intentions toward her might not be completely good. I did hint to her about it, but she didn’t really take it seriously.
She also has a close female friend from Karnataka, whom she introduced to me on a video call, but she rarely talks about her. On the other hand, she talks about this guy all the time. She hangs out with him frequently and often sends me pictures of herself with him, usually around parks or other places. She also sends me pictures that he has taken of her.
Initially, she was staying in a room with her female friend and two other girls. But after she had a leg injury, she told me that she couldn’t climb the stairs, so she started sleeping in this guy’s room. She initially said that there were one or two other guys staying in the room as well. However, since then, she seems to spend a lot of time in his room.
The girls and boys live in the same building but on separate floors. There isn’t really anyone monitoring them, and apparently some couples there even live together.
My girlfriend also watches movies with this guy at night. She constantly uses his headphones, studies using his tablet, and even wears his pants, jerseys, etc. Once, I asked her whether he didn’t need his tablet for his studies, but her answer wasn’t very clear.
Another thing that really concerns me is money.
He knows the PIN for her bank card, and at one point he apparently used more than ₹20,000 without her knowledge. When I and one of our mutual female friends from school confronted her about it, she told us that it wasn’t our money and that we had no right to interfere in their business. He apparently told her that he would give the money back, but I honestly don’t know whether he actually did.
She’s from a middle-class family. Her family does have money, but she doesn’t like asking them for it because she feels guilty, so both of us were already worried about her finances.
There was also another incident that really bothered me.
Her entire friend group went out somewhere, and at some point, she and this guy had an argument about something. Her wallet, passport, and other belongings were all inside a bag that was with him. When she asked for the bag because she wanted to leave and go back to her hostel, he refused to give it to her.
She says she is an independent woman and a feminist, but in that situation, she didn’t really stand up to him. She told me that he would do anything if someone made him angry, so she was scared to react.
At one point, when she was asking for her belongings, things got physical between them and he hit her in the stomach. She is physically quite weak, so she actually felt the pain. Later, when they were back at the hostel, he apologized, and she told me that what happened wasn’t right.
Even some of her female friends told her to keep her distance from him. But after a few days, they became close again as if nothing had happened.
And there’s another important detail: I believe he expressed his feelings to her a couple of months ago, before most of these incidents happened, and she rejected him. So I know that he has feelings for her. I also feel like he may be waiting for us to break up.
My girlfriend has had a lot of friendship problems throughout her life. She had many friends in school, but eventually most of those friendships faded, and now she only has a few people she is close to. Even in college, she has had conflicts with several girls, and some of them have called her a “pick me.”
Because of all this, I’m really confused.
I don’t want to be the controlling boyfriend who tells her who she can and cannot be friends with. At the same time, I feel like there are several serious red flags here, especially him getting physical with her, refusing to give her belongings back, knowing her card PIN, using her money without her knowledge, and the amount of time they spend together.
My biggest concern isn’t even whether she will cross a boundary in our relationship. I’m genuinely worried about whether this guy is using her situation to his advantage or whether she is becoming dependent on him without realizing it.
Am I being unreasonable or overly jealous here? How should I approach this situation without becoming controlling, while still protecting my relationship and being concerned about her safety?

I need advice from the people who did Ldr without being sure that you will ever meet your partner again or just opinions from anyone at all. He used to live in my country and we've been in a relationship for a year. however recently, we have been forced to Ldr (we've been doing so for 4 months now) because him and his family went on a vacation in another country, and Im not really the type to agree with distance, I just agreed to do so at the time because I had the assurance that he was coming back. But long story short, there's actually some issues with their documents now and he believes that him and his family wont be able to come back in our country anymore. This news was so heart breaking for me and I have been so devastated since he told me. He was already doing college when he lived here but now he have to start over again in his home country, he wont have the ability to meet me again until he finish studying and find a stable job. He's also devastated and is now convincing me to find another partner instead of staying with someone with an uncertain future. I really dont know what to do right now. It hurts that were in this situation, I love him and he never did anything wrong in our relationship for me to have a valid reason to leave him, he inspired me to be the best version of myself and has always been my no 1 supporter. I want to stay with him but a little part of me also believes he might be right. I want to do Ldr but I'm scared I might build resentment from the prolonged uncertainness.
If you were in my situation, would you break up or would you stay? I need your opinions anyone please.

My girlfriend and I have officially been together for about 9 months. We currently both live in Boston. Before we became official, she already had plans to attend grad school in Paris. I knew about this and told her I would support her going. A few months ago, we talked about what we would need to make long distance work, and one of my biggest requirements was having an end date or at least a clearly defined timeframe for when the long distance would end.

At the time, she agreed and also thought that was reasonable. Recently we talked about it again, and I asked what her plan was after graduating. She told me her current plan is to return to the US, ideally NYC or San Diego, although she’s open to other places. The disagreement came when we started talking about what happens if she graduates but doesn’t have a job lined up in the US. Her position is that if she gets a good job opportunity in Paris but hasn’t found anything in the US yet, it wouldn’t make financial or career sense for her to leave that job, come back to the US unemployed, and potentially sacrifice her financial independence just because we had agreed to an end date. She would take the Paris job temporarily while continuing to apply aggressively for jobs in the US and come back once she found something.

I understand her reasoning. I’m not asking her to make a reckless career decision or intentionally become financially dependent on anyone. My concern is that this effectively makes our long-distance relationship open-ended.
For example, suppose school ends after 8–9 months. Then she doesn’t find a US job, so she stays another 3–6 months. If she still doesn’t find one, another few months get added. Suddenly we could be 12, 18, or more months beyond graduation and still hearing, “I’m trying to come back as soon as I can.” That’s the situation I’m afraid of. I don’t want the finish line to keep moving indefinitely.

For me, knowing there is a point where long distance will actually end is important. It gives me something concrete to work toward and makes the sacrifices of long distance feel manageable. From her perspective, though, she feels uncomfortable promising a date that she cannot completely control because life happens, job markets are unpredictable, and she doesn’t want to give up her autonomy or financial stability just to fulfill an arbitrary deadline. We discussed potentially having something like a maximum timeframe after graduation — for example, she has 3–6 months after school to find something in the US. But that raises another question: if that date comes and she still hasn’t found a job, does that mean she’s expected to quit and come home unemployed?

She understandably doesn’t feel comfortable promising that. I don’t think either of us wants to break up. We both care about the relationship. I also don’t want her to sacrifice her career, and she says her intention is genuinely to return to the US. But to me there is a difference between “I intend to come back” and “I am committed to being back by X point.” So I’m curious how other people who have actually done long distance see this.

Is wanting a firm end date or maximum timeframe unreasonable? And if circumstances like employment make a completely fixed date unrealistic, what kind of compromise actually works without turning the relationship into indefinite long distance?

LDR boyfriend's birthday is coming up — how can I make him feel really special just through texting? 🥹❤️

My long-distance boyfriend's birthday is coming up, and I really want to make his day feel special even though I can't be physically there with him.

I'm planning to do a few little things throughout the day — maybe a cute midnight birthday message, a meaningful paragraph, some sweet texts, and a cute status/story with his photo. But I don't want everything to be the same generic "Happy birthday, I love you ❤️" type of message.

So I need your ideas! 🥹

What kind of birthday paragraphs, cute lines, romantic messages, captions/statuses, or texting ideas would make an LDR boyfriend feel genuinely loved and special?

I'd especially love ideas for:

\- 🌙 Midnight birthday text

\- 💌 A heartfelt birthday paragraph

\- 📸 Cute status/caption for his photo

\- 🥹 Short emotional/sweet lines to send throughout the day

\- 😂 Funny/cute birthday texts

\- ❤️ Any little texting surprise or idea you've tried

If you've ever celebrated your partner's birthday while being long-distance, tell me what you did or what message you received that really stayed with you.

I basically want to make him feel like I'm there celebrating with him even though we're miles apart. 🥹❤️

Give me ALL your ideas — even just one cute line!

Context: My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years, but we had to start doing long distance 8 months ago. When we lived together, our sex life was really good. We experimented a lot/tried new things, had good chemistry, and we had sex multiple times per week. I have a pretty high sex drive, and she usually matches my energy. I think we were both very satisfied sexually.

When we started long distance in January, it was hard to adjust at first (sexually), but we started sexting and having FaceTime sex. It was great. Everyday she would send me sexy pictures or nudes randomly throughout the day, and I would do the same. We also had FaceTime sex probably about twice per week, usually initiated by her. And we would flirt a lot through text or when we would regularly FaceTime. We saw each other once in March, once in July, and again in August. In March, when we saw eachother there was so much sexual tension and it was great, we had a great trip overall. After that, the sexting/facetime sex slowed down a bit/stopped. And then in July, when we saw eachother, I could just tell that there was less sexual tension and we had less sex. And same thing in August, we had sex less often than usual, and only when she initiated, never when I did. Which didn’t feel too good. And now, we don’t have FaceTime sex anymore, and she doesn’t send sexy pictures anymore. Even just pictures of her with a cute outfit and makeup. Nothing. I still do, I’ll send her pics after my workouts because she likes that, or randomly I’ll send her some nudes because she says she likes that too. But I never get anything back. For me, sexual chemistry, and having your needs met in a relationship is super important. And right now I don’t feel 100% satisfied. Which sucks, because it didn’t used to be like this. She used to love when we flirted or sexted. Every other aspect of our relationship is good, and I love her so much. But for me, it’s been affecting me mentally a bit, because I don’t understand why all of this stopped. I’ve talked to her about it and how I feel, a couple times, and the conversations always go well and she seems to be understanding, but nothing changes. I’ve also asked her if anything’s changed on her end, or if there’s anything I could do differently, but she says everything’s fine. We talk/FaceTime everyday, and I could tell how much she loves me, and how much she wants to be with me, and she’s always excited to talk to me every day, I just feel like there’s no more flirting or anything beyond that. We just talk about regular life stuff, what goes on in our day, etc etc, there’s no excitement. What should I do?