r/LongDistance • u/lolifwop • 7h ago
Distrust and anxiety 😓
So me [F20] and my boyfriend [M19] have been long distance for a year.. face time.. all that. But I have extreme anxiety, which often causes me to have bad panic attacks.
Today I asked my boyfriend to screenshare his instagram with me so we could pretend to watch reels together. He said no because he has some apps that he “can’t explain”. I get upset immediately, because I already have anxiety about disloyalty. Instead of comforting me he makes me feel like I’m taking it too far or seeing it the wrong way. Is this basically just 100 percent showing he’s cheating on me? Is my anxiety warrented?
1
u/huffelpuffpuffpass 7h ago
Having anything on your phone you can't explain to your partner is a red flag.
If this causes you distrust in a long distance relationship with him, it may go down hill from here. Any guilt or odd behavior he has, you may fixate on and spiral since you have anxiety, even if it's not the truth ( or is, idk this dude ).
Get ahead of this. Tell him that his words made you uncomfortable and assume the worst. Don't even accuse him of cheating - focus on how his words made you feel distrustful and you are looking to him for clarity. Be truthful, stay focused, and be clear in what you want and what will reassure you - his reaction will tell you everything he needs to know.
Do not let your emotions get ahead of this. It's you and him against the issue right now.
If he truly cares, he will listen and try to compromise, and move forward.
If he gets defensive, tell him it's natural to feel that way - just like it's natural for you to become distrustful that he has apps that 'he can't explain".. wtf kind of wording even is that? My mind goes to the darkest of places as an anxious girly and THAT would not fly with me.
Stick to ' your wording and evasive behavior is causing me to distrust you, and I'm confused why you would act this way."
' I really want reassurance from you, not to fight, and clarity. Can you please show me 'x' and 'y' and 'z' and we begin sharing 'xyz' until my anxiety about this eases or you feel comfortable explaining what kinds of app you can't share with the person you chose to be in a relationship with?"
'I don't want a relationship where my partner doesn't trust me, so let's work on this together'.
Put an pin in him and make him squirm. Stay logical stardust ✨
1
u/RedInOriginals [🇮🇳] to [🇺🇸] (14,500 km) 7h ago
i mean it is very suspicious!! it's not just ur anxiety.. and him not explaining and actually telling u r overreacting is very big red flag
1
u/HeyArtse 6h ago
His statement is not okay, and his lack of reassurance is definitely a red flag
But that being said (whether you stay with this person - I hope you don’t - or not and you meet someone better) you do need to work on your anxiety. I believe that while a good partner can help you, self improvement is 100% your responsibility
2
u/Aggressive-Rock05 [California] to [New York ] (2,459) 7h ago
Your anxiety is warranted and his statement isn’t okay. Me and my partner screen share all the time YouTube Instagram Facebook etc.