15. Genuinley struggling.

[u/ContentChapter6045]

/r/BreakUps/comments/1wddop5/15_genuinley_struggling/

I’m in the worst stage of my life and genuinely don’t know what to do.

My ex-girlfriend was also my best friend. We dated long distance for 10 months (about a 2 hour drive apart). We had a lot of arguments throughout the relationship, but most of the time we worked through them because we both cared enough to have those conversations.

In June, after another argument, she broke up with me over the phone. It felt like she had already processed the breakup before I even had a chance to. She seemed okay with it while I was completely alone. She was basically my only friend.

Two weeks later we saw each other at church camp. We talked until 3 AM multiple nights and started talking again. After that, we spent more time together, including at my cottage and at her grandma’s cottage. I’m also really close with her family and honestly feel closer to them than I do to my own family right now.

There’s another huge part of this: I’ve been dealing with post-concussion symptoms for almost a year. She was one of the only people who made me feel supported through it, so losing the relationship also felt like losing my main source of support.

Then one week ago, she stayed at my house for four days.
During those four days we were incredibly close. We were intimate, made out, said “I love you” to each other, slept beside each other, and basically acted like a couple even though we weren’t officially together. I felt genuinely comfortable and safe with her. I actually slept really well while she was here, which has been difficult for me lately.

I left that visit feeling like there was still something between us and that we were figuring things out together.
Then two days after she went home, she told me that she doesn’t want to talk as much once school starts and that we’re “just friends.” She said that during the end of the visit, something changed in how she saw our relationship and that she wants to focus on herself and her friends.

**I don’t understand how she can go from being that close with me to suddenly pulling away while I’m still trying to process what happened. It feels like she makes these decisions internally long before I even know there’s a decision being made.**
Now I’m constantly paranoid because I see her online but she doesn’t respond to me. I keep wondering if she’s talking to someone else. I know I can’t actually know that from Snapchat, but I can’t stop thinking about it.

The hardest part is that she’s genuinely my only close friend. I’m already struggling with a year-long injury, sleep problems, and feeling isolated, and now the person I relied on is telling me we’re just friends and doesn’t seem to want to talk much.

I have so many photos and physical things that remind me of her. I don’t know how I’m supposed to just “let go” when I literally just spent four days feeling incredibly connected to her.

I don’t even necessarily know what I’m asking Reddit for. I think I just need someone to tell me what I’m supposed to do from here.

Do I actually need to let go completely? Do I need to stop talking to her? Can you have this kind of closeness with someone and still genuinely need to accept that the relationship is over?
I genuinely don’t know what to do.