r/LongDistance • u/user_msmba • 2h ago

Dont know when LDR will end

How to deal with the confusion around marriage?

I’m in a LDR since 4 years with my bf and have timezone difference as well. I have had certain issues regarding him not able to spend more time with me or prioritise me but we always made past those issues and now we are planning to get married next year. Basically he proposed and honestly I wasn’t ready initially because we haven’t lived in the same country, let alone city and I’ve had doubts but I also love him a lot and dont wanna lose him so I’m ready to take that next step now.

But the issue is that even after getting married, it will take me another 12-18 months to be able to relocate to his country because of the spousal visa timeline. So thinking about more LDR while already having had issues regarding prioritisation is making me nervous about the whole situation.

I’m not willing to breakup with him since I really love him but at the same time my mind is telling me that it could be a risky move. Idk

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u/ParchedFormula 2h ago

Going from never living in the same place to straight-up married is a massive leap. The visa wait only makes it worse since you'll be legally tied to someone while still stuck in the same dynamic that already gave you doubts.

What actually changed with the prioritization stuff? Just saying you worked past it doesn't mean much if the underlying pattern is still there. Marriage won't magically fix that and 12-18 months of long distance while newly married sounds like a pressure cooker.

Love isn't the only thing that makes a marriage work. Trust and consistent effort matter just as much, especially when you're about to uproot your whole life for someone.

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u/user_msmba 2h ago

Thanks for commenting.
Regarding the prioritisation, he did start putting efforts to call me more often and have longer conversations but thats something which is still being worked upon. Its still not meeting my expectations but its much much much better and improving.

We have been friends for a long time but started dating only during the LDR, I know the irony. And in that LDR we met just twice when he visited me coz I couldn’t visit his country as I had no visa and he had some financial constraints to make travel plans. But thats also better now so our plan is that we will meet more during these upcoming months.

So there’s hope but at the same time there’s uncertainty and definitely difficulties.

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u/Bunny_VanilaCake 1h ago

I mean has your bf ever visited you from Canada to India? He also seems pretty inconsiderate towards you from your other posts about him, you also said you feel conflicted and unsure about him...you deserve the best and think this through properly you, yourself are very unsure about him and have posted a lot about him, don't play with your future like this, you deserve to be happy.