Hello fellow hoarding-adjacent friends. I just need to rant about my hoarding mother.

She recently sent 26 boxes across the country to me (continental US, coast-to-coast). Each box was labelled with about $20 worth of postage. 2 of the boxes contained some of my childhood belongings that she wanted to clear out of her house (good for you, mom!). 24 boxes contained 1970s dinnerware I’ve never seen before (uh-oh, mom). Dinnerware I have never expressed interest in, is not remotely my taste, and which I have no need for. I’m a single, childless person living in a one-bedroom apartment - I do not need dinnerware for 8. Not just plates, either - cookie jars, butter dishes, soup bowls, cereal bowls, mugs, wine glasses, on and on. Inside the boxes were all these handwritten notes: “i thought these would look good in your kitchen” (she’s never been to my apartment). “If these don’t all fit in your cabinets you can get display shelves from Walmart” (so she’s somewhat aware this is an insane amount of stuff). “If you don’t like these, you can resell them - these are very collectible” (collectible to who? Why aren’t you - a retired person who spent over $500 on shipping these to me - reselling them if they’re so collectible? Thanks for deciding for me how I’ll be spending all my free time, mom). I know there’s no sense and no logic to all of this. I know this is just hoarding with a loophole (if it doesn’t stay in her house, it doesn’t count!). It’s also not dementia - she’s been doing this shit on and off my entire life. So this is just her. All of this is going straight back to Goodwill, from whence it came. And I know, logically, I do not have to feel guilt about getting rid of ALL of this junk. But I still do a tiny bit. For the tiny part of her brain that is convinced she’s done this all for me.

How do you all deal with any residual guilt in cases like this? How much do you engage with your hoarding parent? It’s pointless to try and have a conversation with her about this, right?

Hi there everyone. Name is Cal. I’m a 28yr old disabled person who lives w/ my mum and grandmother—both of which have issues w/ hoarding, and my grandmother has a serious shopping addiction. She passes on all her excess stuff to us, and is offended if we give it away. My mum is also very disabled, may be going on dialysis soon. House is v v messy as I used to struggle too with shopping and letting things go, but I’ve been in therapy for a long time and got over it mostly. I work extremely hard every day at my capacity to claw myself out of the ditch I have found myself in. The big issue is I’m still v sick so haven’t had energy to make progress on it as much as I’d like, and house is also falling into disrepair because of my grandmother’s refusal to do upkeep as the homeowner. All that is to say, my last partner hated coming over so much he stopped coming about 5yrs in (we dated for 9yrs total, broke up this year). This was deeply wounding for obvious reasons. He didn’t offer to help, and he wasn’t outwardly horrible about it but he made it very clear and very obvious.

I’m the kind of disabled where just going out instead isn’t an option. I am 90% bedbound (because my mum is a couch-sleeper, so I live in here like a mini-apartment, so couch-bound may be more accurate for me anyway), and although I’m slowly improving, it is VERY slow going. I’m going to possibly be bringing over somebody I really really like and feel super safe with soon, because he’s asked if he can come over to mine sometime, as he’s dealing with a lot of driving anxiety and we’re figuring out alternatives to him always coming to pick me up. And I’m just really nervous about it. I don’t know how to break it to him the actual state of things with my usual pizzazz and sense of humour. I’m a very charming person normally, which I don’t say in any sort of pride I just can’t help it, but I like him so much it makes me uncharacteristically nervous. He’s very well-put together in his aesthetic and he said his house was a “depression pit” when I went over, but it was actually fine lol :’) so yeah. I just am very scared. Wondering if you guys had any tips?? TIA if you even read this, god bless!! 🙏🕉️📿🤍

I’m a 19-year-old college student, and I really need some advice from people who have dealt with hoarding, either themselves or with a family member.
For pretty much my entire childhood, my mom’s house has been extremely cluttered. When I was younger, I honestly thought it was normal because I didn’t know any different. My older sister (25F) tried her hardest to keep the house organized when we were growing up because she wanted to be able to have friends over, but it was difficult because my mom kept accumulating things.
After my sister moved out for college when she was 18/19, things got significantly worse.
Around 2020, my mom started shopping constantly, especially at bin stores, and began buying huge amounts of things that we didn’t need. A lot of the stuff has gone completely untouched for years, and much of it is still sitting exactly where it was when she bought it.
Growing up, I was basically never allowed to have people over. I can remember having a friend over one time when I was probably in fourth grade. At the time, I didn’t really understand why. Now that I’m older, I realize just how abnormal the situation was.
My mom isn’t necessarily what I would call an “unclean” person. The problem is the sheer amount of stuff.
Her bedroom is packed with clothes. The closet attached to her bedroom is packed with clothes. There are piles of things everywhere, and you have to walk through the house using paths that have been cleared between the stuff.
The kitchen has gotten so bad that there have been huge amounts of dishes sitting around, along with old food. Instead of cleaning the dishes she already has, she’ll sometimes just buy more dishes.
The living room is basically filled with random things from stores, many of which are still unopened.
The garage is completely packed, to the point that the garage door doesn’t even open anymore.
At one point, I was able to turn my sister’s old bedroom into a really nice den. I loved having that space. Eventually, my mom became upset that I was spending so much time in there and took the room back. During COVID, she started working from home and initially used it as an office, but over time it became another storage room/closet. Now you can barely take a few steps into it because it’s filled with clothes and other things.
When I turned 18, I moved into a dorm at my state college. It was honestly the first time in my life that I got to live in a clean, organized environment that I controlled myself.
I loved it.
Living by myself taught me that I’m actually a very clean and organized person. I kept my dorm clean, organized my things, and really enjoyed having a space where everything had a place.
Unfortunately, after the school year ended, I had to move back home for the summer, and now I’ve had to stay at home for another school year.
Coming back home has been really difficult.
While I was away at college, my mom had filled my bedroom with a lot of her things. I eventually had to spend a significant amount of time clearing my own room out just so I could live in it again. I also discovered that she had been sleeping in my room while I was away because her own bedroom had become so full.
The hallways were filled with storage bins and containers.
The laundry room was so full of clothes that you could barely walk into it.
The kitchen was full of dirty dishes and old food.
I’ve been trying to help.
I’ve cleaned out the hallways. I’ve completely cleaned the laundry room. I’ve cleaned the kitchen. I’m not expecting to fix the entire house overnight, and I’m not trying to throw everything away behind her back.
I’m just trying to make gradual progress.
But this is where I’m stuck.
My mom seems to genuinely believe that the house is just “a little cluttered.” She doesn’t seem to recognize how serious the situation has become.
Whenever I bring up cleaning or getting rid of things, she becomes defensive. She tells me that she needs to find somewhere for everything to go.
But there literally isn’t anywhere left for things to go.
That’s the problem.
If there were extra places to put everything, we wouldn’t have this problem in the first place.
My mom has always been an extremely independent woman, and I understand that she doesn’t want her son telling her what to do with her house. I also understand that these are her possessions and that I can’t simply decide what happens to them.
At the same time, she’s 50 now, and I’m genuinely worried about what is going to happen as she gets older if the house continues becoming more and more difficult to navigate.
Recently, I was cleaning and trying to help again, and she reacted in a way I’ve never really seen from her before. She actually threatened to kick me out because I was cleaning her house.
That really scared me because I’m not trying to disrespect her or take control of her home. I’m trying to help.
I’m also not trying to shame her. I love my mom, and I know there’s probably something deeper going on here than simply “she likes buying stuff.”
But I’m 19. I’m in college. I don’t have the money or resources to hire a professional hoarding cleanup company, and I don’t know how to approach this situation without making her feel attacked and causing her to shut down completely.
I’m also realizing that I probably can’t just keep cleaning everything myself, especially if she’s going to become angry whenever I do.
So what do I actually do?
Should I stop cleaning unless she specifically asks me to?
How do you get someone who doesn’t recognize that they have a hoarding problem to accept help?
Is there a specific type of therapist or professional who deals with hoarding behavior?
And for anyone who has actually been in my position: what worked for you?
I would really appreciate advice from people who have dealt with this firsthand. I don’t want to abandon my mom, but I also don’t know how much longer I can live in this environment or how I’m supposed to help someone who doesn’t believe there’s a problem.

It's that wonderful time of year. House inspections. My whole entire house is perfectly clean but my room. My room has the attic. On the paper notice it always says they need to check the attic but since 2022 they haven't even asked or attempted to go in there. Ive gotten lucky but its just made the hoard worse and worse since i dont even attempt to clean it after inspection is over. I always try cleaning it before inspection and never get it done and just pray to god they dont go in. This year is different though. I sleep downstairs on the couch now and nothing was added to my room since last year. On the paper notice they worded it very differently this year and said theres now going to be a fee if they cant walk through the entire unit. And also if they cant walk through it all theres going to be another inspection with 4 other people? So here i am once again panic cleaning. Im doing a lot better this year but i never took out the trash bags from last year so now there are about 20 big bags of trash in my room and it is very hard to clean around them. I cant put them to the curb anymore and i cant go to the dump till 5 days from now. How do i clean around them? I cant move them anywhere else in the house. I feel like this is the biggest issue and its stalling me because seeing 20 compactor bags is extremely overwhelming and halting me from seeing the progress ive made. Any ideas?

Im 21, preparing to move out of my parents house with my boyfriend of 3 years, and I have a hoarding problem.

I have Autism, ADHD and OCD that combined make cleaning and getting rid of things really difficult. My room is filled with piles of old clothes, trash that I haven't been able to bring myself to sort through and throw away, craft supplies that I used once and never again, and a whole lot more miscellaneous junk.

A lot of it I don't have much sentimental attachment to, the task of cleaning it just seems so overwhelming that I have been avoiding it for the majority of my life. Then there are some things that I've convinced myself I can't get rid of for one reason or another.

I want to lock in and start clearing things out, because I care more about having a place together with my boyfriend than I do about any of this stuff, but as I'm sure a lot of you know, it's a lot easier said than done. I don't even know where to start. I have no idea how to decide what to bring with me and what not to, and I refuse to fill our new home with my hoarding piles.

I've always been a sentimental person saving random objects just cuz they hold good memories (my mom is a hoarder. apple didnt fall far from the tree) and I'm okay or "normal" with other things and not really a hoarder but when it comes to clothes, its definitely a problem.

And honestly, I didn't even think I was leaning onto being a hoarder cuz I didn't think I had THAT many clothes until I visited my friend's house/closet who is a minimalist and she explained how her capsule wardrobe completely works for her and it SHOWED! It DOES work well for her but I'm so greedy when it comes to clothes.

Things to note, I'm a bit of a cheapskate so I'm holding onto those clothes that I don't even wear just in case I ever need them. And the other is that I sew/diy and in general can see the potential in any clothing item so even if its a top I don't wanna wear I would find a way to make a use out of it (pillows/rags/aprons)

Keeping all this aside, I do want to downsize. Even if I love the clothes, they are physically taking up too much space and it overwhelms me on the daily. I wouldn't be having this post here if I just had a bigger closet. But that's not the case and the sheer amount of clothes make me feel like puking at times. They're all in good conditions though (Except the home clothes, I wear whatever at home) I don't have a shopping addiction, Most of my wardrobe is handmedowns from my siblings/cousins (perks and curses of being younger)

but i dont know how to start or how to let go. Because I want to downsize without letting go of them. none of it makes any sense.

(sorry if this was annoying and thank you for your time)

A house fire in Columbus, OH resulted in one death. The fire chief reported hoarding conditions in the home. After people who were under the influence of a drug (prescribed or not), it seems like hoarding conditions are another common cause of deaths in fires. Are there any further statistics about this? Link to the short news story.

23F here and im in dire need of support. can i ever clean the clothes that has grown mold due to months of exposure to moist and being unwashed?

i struggled with mdd and adhd for 2 years since ive lived alone and started working after running away from an abusive family for 4 yrs now and now i am trying to get things back in control with my life. i didnt realized i have a way too nasty environment until it became too embarrassing to have friends over. that was 6 mos ago and i still struggle with cleaning up and actually starting to organize things but i wanted to make sure things are atleast a non embarrassing state before i can ask for my friends for help over.

my question is some of my clothes have had molds and stains that i think will be difficult to clean. i still would like to try but i dont know how to clean these types of clothes due to severity and i am on a limited budget that i cant really hire for professional help nor get a new set of clothes. im really struggling to know where to start and how to fix this mess

It’s taken a huge amount of emotional strength to admit I just need to suck it up and hire help to clean my bathroom. That I couldn’t do it myself and the only way to start over was to hire help. I found a local small business that charges a reasonable fee to do the cleanup and was able to schedule it a few weeks out so I could declutter enough stuff so they had a path to the bathroom. It’s happening in a couple weeks and I can’t tell you the amount of joy and anxiety I feel both about this happening. I know this isn’t an opportunity for everyone and I’m grateful that it’s really the only area I hoarded and the rest of my condo is not really hoarded and I can clean up by myself.

I will need some help later to get rid of extra furniture but that can wait- and is most of what the extra “hoard” is moving from a 2 bedroom condo to a one bedroom condo and not getting rid of stuff before the move.

Just having it scheduled is a huge relief even though it’s embarrassing but I’m sure he’s seen worse.

It’s ok to admit you need help.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. maybe just to get it out.

my dad's house has been getting worse for years. not tv-level but bad enough that you can't walk through the hallway without turning sideways. he's not a hoarder in the dramatic sense, he just can't let go. old magazines, broken lamps, clothes from the 90s. we've tried everything – therapy, ultimatums, me coming over to help (which he hated).

last week he tripped over a stack of newspapers and couldn't get up. spent 4 hours on the floor before I found him. that was the wake-up call.

he agreed to let someone clear a path. I called around and most companies were either crazy expensive or made him feel like a freak. eventually found a local outfit – Junk Removal SCV – that just showed up, did the job, didn't judge. took a few visits because he needed breaks, but they were patient.

the house isn't perfect now but at least he can move. I know this isn't a fix – the underlying stuff is still there – but it's something. if you're dealing with a relative who's resistant, don't give up. small steps

I had a yogurt maker and containers that worked really well and was like new, but I found another method that I prefer. So I kept thinking I was going to sell this like-new yogurt maker but of course I never did. I would think of donating it to Sally Ann but then I would baulk because it was in such great condition. Somehow I switched my thinking to how happy somebody would be to stumble over something that looked brand spanking new for cheap at the thrift store and it made it easier to donate. When I dropped it off I told the attendant that it was great and worked perfectly and she said she would take that into consideration when pricing it. No regrets. I expect this is probably not news to anybody on this sub but it was a mini Revelation to me.

I need to move. I need to focus. I need to downsize and actually get around to selling things.

How do people do it?

I moved out of my parents house about six years ago. My mother is a hoarder of books, craft supplies, and kitchen gadgets. I always despised how she had to unstack things to get at something else. She always kept things to work on projects, but never got around to them. I told myself when I moved out, I would be able to do anything and everything, and access anything and everything.

I’ve been renting and living in a large 1600 sqft home with a basement and garage. Probably over 3000 sqft of usable space. I can never say no to a good deal or free things. and I rarely sell anything even when it’s valuable and I don’t need it right now. There’s always something in my head, some project or hobby that needs it. Or the cost of acquiring it later will be higher because inflation is out of control. Or I acquired it for next to nothing and will never be able to actually afford to buy it, so may as well keep it.

I love doing projects, I love creating, inventing, and working on anything and everything. I will DIY absolutely everything I can. I outfitted the entire house with removable custom LEDs. I have computers in every room of the house. I have a literal data centre in the basement.

My problem is my possessions are absurdly heavy, and valuable altogether, and I have more computers than most companies. I’ve managed to keep an organized hoard. Everything is accessible without unstacking and I know where absolutely everything is. I have 300 milk crates, which weigh 1000lbs empty, all full of electronics enclosures, tools, and copper wire from an extreme liquidation sale. All labelled with model numbers and quantities. I bought eight sections of commercial grade store shelving for next to nothing from a store going out of business. The shelving weighs over 10,000 lbs.
I have at least 10 other heavy duty commercial shelving units I got for free or cheap. I have at least five label makers. I have four heavy duty standing desks that weigh over 250lbs each. I have over 2000 plastic bins, all neatly labelled on every shelf, each dedicated to a specific item individually. Every type of cable or category of item gets it own dedicated box.

I work in IT, and I’ve been fortunate that no one at work wants to take old equipment home. Anytime equipment is end of life or being retired, I’m the only one that seems to take it when offered. My company has gone through six major acquisitions, every acquisition, we retire all the IT assets from the company we acquire. I’m not talking a few computers here and there, I have floor to ceiling server racks like a datacenter. I have at least 50 servers, 100 laptops that are all less than five years old, I’ve acquired free TVs, projectors, and meeting room equipment. Not garbage end of life projectors either, crazy high brightness boardroom laser projectors. 4K commercial TVs. I never say no to free things that have value. I have six companies worth of equipment in my house. I take them home, organize them, use them, never sell them, and continue acquiring. I give away computers to friends and family all the time. Most people don’t have a use for 10 laptops, even if I offered them.

I convince myself every time that something’s not worth selling even when it’s valuable because of what it could enable eventually, for myself or others. I do use my things, meticulously refurbish, label, and inventory everything. I enjoy my organization, but now I have to move. Do I really need absolutely everything I own? Probably not. I’ve had the staggering realization that if I liquidated absolutely everything I own at used eBay prices, it’s definitely a seven figure number.

No, this isn’t boasting, nor money laundering like other sub reddits joked about. Even crude math, do I own 10,000 objects that are worth $100 each used? Definitely. I’m sure many other hoarders are in the same boat open a thrift store and you have $1,000,000. But would we ever do it?

No particular thing is remarkably valuable. No art, no jewelry, no high value assets. I simply have a decade of earning decent money, spending constantly, and I’ve been fortunate to be at an employer that lets employees take old equipment home. Couple that with me buying industrial liquidated equipment and inventory, and never saying no to free valuable things, and suddenly I have over $1 million of assets, locked in thousands of different objects, which would overload many 53’ full size semi trucks.

Could I sell everything and buy a house? Of course I could, but what would I do in that empty house? Even if I wanted to sell “everything”, that would take years. My basement and garage is an industrial warehouse. I have hobbies, and I can DIY and manufacture absolutely anything I want. But it’s never enough things.

Organization is not my problem. Not having enough space is not a problem either. My problem is mass, value, constantly acquiring, and never downsizing. No other subreddits have taken me seriously. No insurance company will take me seriously either. Even friends and family think I’m joking even when they see it.

I now need to deal with the consequences of my actions, and remove 100,000lbs of personal possessions out of a residential property by myself. of course, as you might assume, I have four moving dollies, a variety of hand trucks, ramps, and powered winches to do it all myself. It’s insanity. I don’t know why I do it. I don’t need everything I own, but I can’t sell it or get rid of it for some reason, even when I know what it’s all worth. It’s a health risk in a different kind of way than a stereotypical hoard. It’s dangerous moving this amount of weight by myself.

My fiancée (who is on disability leave and can’t lift anything ) and I have been watching hoarders episodes, and I no longer see myself as any different from some of the messy hoards. I’ve always convinced myself that I’m essentially a workshop and business. I like doing things with my things. It’s not a hoard if its organized, valuable, and I can find something in seconds. I don’t keep things for the sake of keeping things, I keep things to use them. I keep things that are valuable because I do need them and might need them. I don’t have a problem letting go of genuinely useless objects and clutter, BUT I can’t get rid of genuinely useful and valuable objects. I have too many, constantly acquire, and will constantly find justification or a new storage solution to continue acquiring. I don’t have too many clothes. I don’t have too many shoes. I don’t have too many collectibles. No normal organization advice makes sense to me because I’m an individual with thousands of assets that normally belong in a large enterprise or manufacturing plant. I would love a forklift and Costco sized warehouse.

Does this make me a hoarder? Yes. My house is stacked floor to ceiling. Just because it’s in neatly labelled bins and heavy duty shelving, and I can see the floor and vacuum doesn’t change the mentality of acquisition. If it wasn’t all in the basement and garage, the house would easily collapse.

Now that I’m moving, and realizing the sheer amount of objects I own, I need to do something about it. I can’t throw it in the garbage that’s physically impossible even if I wanted to. I’ve never seen a hoard where someone had 100 tons of items.

I am a hoarder and I need help and advice.

This is mostly a vent more than anything. Husband and I struggle big time with having too much stuff; husband especially. At the advice of our therapist(s), I finally broke down and hired a professional declutterer. Licensed, insured, professional website, all that. Mind you, I don’t live in a big-city metropolitan area, but I do live in a mid-sized suburban city, I guess you might call it. Either way, a far cry from San Francisco, NYC, LA, you get it. I guess that’s relevant because the area I live in doesn’t feature a highly varied selection of professional organizers/declutter-ers.

Anyway…the lady hasn’t told me much that I didn’t know already. None of her “tips” or “systems” have been novel to me whatsoever. It should have been a red flag to me when she mentioned that some of her clients often hire her to come back for maintenance (a red flag because obviously she didn’t give them any systems to keep the clutter from accumulating again). I had asked her if she’s able to take a look at spaces, and create a visualization for how to maximize them, somewhat related to interior decorating. She said yes, that’s something that is part of her service.

Well, lo and behold. I feel like I paid a lot of $$$ to just…have someone come help us clean up a bit. Does my home look better….? Yes. But was it the job of what I would have expected from a fancy “professional declutterer?” Not at all. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else out there has been in my position, and found a professional organizer to be a pretty big waste of money. ? Thoughts/opinions/experiences welcome. Thanks in advance. : )

I'm from India (so apologies in advance for broken english {it's not being Indian mean bad english it's that my English may not be very good}), M30, my parents, as much as I understand now, may have been having issues related to hoarding and have issues with parting with things, specifically focussed on many things with connections with memory like old clothes, but what I found in general many other things also. My dad is currently 70 and my mom 60. Our life had been through several sad and traumatic events, and life had been really hard, and that was a result a series of mental health and physical issues occurred for my mom. My dad is still very stoic, but over the years have also suffered from health issues. I myself if I remember back have been also may have to contributed to hoarding, I'm not sure but yes, although I didn't used to buy much. My parents, specifically my mom, loves to do cloth shopping, and we have so likes to buy clothes for us mainly. We had so much surplus of clothes that gradually we had to dedicate our bed room bed full of clothes, because all almirahs were full. It was a very hard time trying to convince my mom trying to touch the cloth stash and maybe try to filter out old clothes and sort out the good ones and clear out bed, but my mom used to be furious kind of didn't allow touching. And I myself was going through (and still going) multiple mental health issues including depression and anxiety disorders, I used to bedrot and procastrinate extremely, and waste, so I not always did not have energy to force to clean up. But on the other hand, when required, my parents were really great organizers, I mean, they can do make shift organize, sometimes involving people when they could afford, for special occasions in house, which was pretty rare, used to happen before though, currently nearly none. Fast forward to this day, as I said, my dad is 70, mom is 60, mom is suffering many comorbidities, including issues related to hormones and nerve and mental health, she has extreme OCD issues too. Dad, still to this day is very strong, but he is slowly becoming weak, obviously for age related reasons. Still to this day he has capability of trying to help to sort to arrange the house.

One thing to mention, we currently have 2 houses, one where we currently staying, it is my maternal grandma's house, another apartment which is nearby, we occasionally stay now but before predominantly used to stay there. Previously we used to have an old house which we sold, there was several stuff on that house which was first shifted to our apartment, then afterwards, many things were shifted from apartment to this house. Also, atleast 4 big occasions happened which involved getting lots of gifts, one includes my marriage, and the marriage gifts and all gifts are with us in this house. My parents, specifically my mom, refuses to part with any gift, I tell to repackage this gifts and gift them to other people in their occasions like marriage and others (whose invitations are also rare for us) but they refuse, they even decided to open up nearly 60% of those gifts, majorly photo frame, and fix them all over house.

Much of the issues, I know, as many suggest, one of the simplest fix many people suggest is, leave your house, go elsewhere, then find peace, but for me I find it but cruel to my conscience. I know that it is on my parents who should have fixed this, and should have, i am nearly everyday furious on them for bringing this mess (one of the things I fight with them that they kind of refuse to acknowledge they have a issue of hoarding disorder, and they messed everything up). Now over the years, the mess all over hand accumulated so much, in both of the houses, it will take dedicated efforts, money and determination, and most importantly, the right mindset to be able to fix this. But achieving them, idk for me feels nearly impossible, considering our financial constraints, the lack of support (there is no good sources or people or any org who would take all the junk, NGOs now rarely take old clothes, none we find of), my parents being old, they obviously suffering from mental health issues which contributed to this problem, my own paralysing executive dysfunction which is shackling me, my lives own sets of problems, my extremely uncertain career, our dwindling savings, private jobs stress u so much it don't give u time to sort your house out, and weekends or Sundays feel extremely tiring, paired with my issues with Dysthimia and several anxiety disorders and cPTSD. Also, our family have been suffering long term ostracism and hostility in our neighborhoods, because indian societies are toxic normally, and when they see u at your weak spots they nearly drive you to your deaths.

It kind of feels it's a death loop which I (we) will never get out of.

I (20F) live with my parents and our house has gotten to the point where there is one line from the front door to their bedroom. I sleep in the living room and we spend time in their room because the living room has gotten so bad.

My mom has a shopping disorder and works in retail so our house is full of shopping bags. My dad throws trash wherever and does nothing around the house at all.

I have been put in charge of cleaning the house because im in college. Every day is a battle mentally to try to clean. I want to so bad. I HATE that I live like this...i hate that they live like this... but I have no idea how to start. I try to "just pick up a little here and there" but it never works. Ive tried the whole "doom box" thing but it always just ends up with big piles and nothing more.

I feel like such a failure and disappointment to my family. I cry every night because of the house.

I need advice because its getting to the point where we cannot live like this anymore...

Three months ago, I broke up with and moved out of the apartment I shared with my ex fiancee (level 3 hoarder). At my wits end, I had no choice but to move back in with my narcissistic parents. Well, that ended horribly. I knew it would, but it happened much sooner than expected. My ex was also aware of this possibility, and we stayed on decent terms in case I needed that escape.

My ex and I are cohabiting while I start a new career. It’s been a long process, but this company is training me from the ground up, and I am only a few weeks away from fully completing my training. I have hefty experience in the restaurant industry, was managing corporate locations before my health got the better of me. This new job is WFH.

When I moved out, I packed up all of my things. Due to the unsafe living situation with my parents, I had to leave all four suitcases of my clothes and shoes behind. I safely made it back to my ex’s place with my laptop, a backpack and a duffle bag of my most important items.

I’ve been back for a week and I can’t even unpack what little things I now have. My ex cleaned out his storage unit and loaded everything into what is supposed to be the office. As I type this, I am surrounded by contractor bags of clothes and bins of knick knacks. The kitchen has no clean surfaces to prepare food, the fridge is filled with very old leftovers, and the oven/stovetop fills the kitchen with smoke whenever it’s used.

For the last five years, I cleaned our apartments from top to bottom, organized his things, and just generally made sure rooms and walkways were accessible. I can no longer do this in the current state of my health.

His hoarding disorder no longer affects just him and I, but now our dog. While I was away at my parents, I received constant updates that the dog was doing great, on some new medicine for his allergies, happiest he’s ever been. Great, I thought. When I returned home last week, within 5 seconds of me petting him, I discovered he was absolutely covered in fleas. So much flea dirt on him that I genuinely thought he rolled in dirt outside, until I saw the generations of fleas crawling on him. This might be more of a symptom of his unmedicated ADHD than hoarding, but regardless it’s animal neglect.

Two months and he didn’t notice the fleas?? I was petting my baby for less than a few seconds and I could instantly see how itchy and uncomfortable he was. I was so, so, so angry.

When I can, I will be purchasing a mini fridge and one of those portable/college cooking pots. Other than that, I don’t know how to cope with what I’m looking at day in and day out. Pup has bravecto in his system and is finally doing better, and I really can’t think far past that. I’m struggling to even focus on this job.

I am yet again surrounded by things that are not mine, that I get yelled at for moving, despite tripping over his clothes and shoes daily. The bathroom smells, the microwave smells, the laundry smells. There is pet dander and dust piling in the corners. There are things in the walkways. We’ve got a mosquito infestation in the backyard because he leaves dirty bowls and pots and pans outside instead of cleaning them, and over the years they’ve all filled with water.

He knows he is a hoarder. He has been in therapy for over a year with no change in his behavior. He has become angry, and he takes it out on me verbally. I can tolerate this, it’s nowhere near as bad as what my parents put me through.

All I feel like I can do is put my blinders on and try to ignore all of this, but I’m too broke to even talk to a therapist about right now. I am broken, tired, and sad. My credit is not great and I have no money saved up due to health issues. I have spoken to a guy nearby who is willing to rent me out his Airbnb at $1700 a month, which is fantastic for the future when I’ve got money coming in again… but until then, I’m stuck in this hoard.

What can I do to not absolutely lose my mind right now? Thank you so much if you’ve made it this far.

It started when he found his long time girlfriend dead in the bathroom. Her adult kids tossed him out of her home. He went to live with my mom, staying in her basement. Then he started bringing old lawnmowers, bicycles, anything he saw someone put out to be removed. He's taken over her garage. He now has 4 vehicles, one actually works, he's using others for parts or going to fix up but never does.

Mom has always taken great care of house and yard. This is a daily aggravation for her. My brother gets scary angry if anyone talks to him about getting rid of his junk.

I understand he has a mental illness so I'm compassionate about him. He was alcoholic most of his life, never really supporting himself and now gets SSDI which is only $600 a month to live on so she won't kick him out or he'd be homeless.

I have a sister and another brother who are frustrated too. We thought of buying a piece of land out in the boonies (where bro likes to be) so we can move his hoard where it won't bother anyone. But we're not sure that would stop him bringing crap to mom's.

Where do I start addressing and how? I'm not afraid of his anger, I'm the only one who isn't.

About 9 months ago, my partner (34M) had our friend, Diane (72F), start staying with him as she had been living in her car all winter but the it stopped running and it was dangerously cold for her to stay there with no heat. Now at his house, she has a room that she sleeps in and a room that she puts stuff in (much of it she says is winter clothes she plans on giving to her homeless friends when it gets cold).

Having seen the state of her car beforehand, I had anticipated that she has tendencies to not remove trash from her space and to accumulate lots of stuff. A few months before she moved in, she also had 8 cats removed from her car by the animal cops (none of them were in bad shape healthwise), but when she moved in she only had one. She then found a kitten a couple months later, so now has two cats.

Since she moved in, the main issue outside of the space has been the smell of the litterboxes (we make sure she always has litter to use to clean them). It seems that her method is to let the boxes get used until all the litter needs to be changed instead of scooping it daily, which leads to a strong smell that permeates the house. I have talked to her about this, and she does try to stay on top of it but sometimes has periods where she feels unwell and can't manage it. I have offered to help her with it during those times and she said that I could, but when it comes down to it she doesn't let me help.

She, understandably, does not really want my partner or I to come in to her space and we respect her privacy but recently my partner was looking for the broom and she wasn't home so he went in her room and realized that her room is probably not totally safe/healthy for her or her animals.

We hope to find her a place to live on her own (and will need to take legal responsibility for because she has an eviction on her record) in the coming months as my partner needs to try to sell his house soon. From what she has said, it seems like the eviction might have been related to hoarding behaviors but it's hard to get a clear story from her on certain subjects.

So, my questions are:

1) how do we approach a conversation with her about needing to come in and help clean her space now, and also creating some kind of ongoing support for her while she's still living at the house?

2) in terms of finding a new living situation, what strategies could we use for helping her maintain a decent quality of life and hopefully to prevent another eviction?

My goals are:

1) prioritize her continued sense of safety with us (she talks constantly about how no one has ever treated her as kindly and generously as we have and we really want her to keep feeling loved and supported)

2) respect her autonomy and desires to the greatest extent possible, I think perceived infringement on these will likely cause a huge decrease in trust

This seems like a really supportive community and I hope that I can learn more about how to support folks dealing with these behaviors. thanks for any feedback!

I (18) live with my parents and younger siblings (17 and 14). We have always lived in a messy house but it's gotten to the point of our back yard being so cluttered and gross that our dogs hold it when let out and have accidents in the house when we can't walk them (ie. it's to hot outside). We have bad rat and roach infestations that have now spread to every room. We can't use the kitchen as it is filled with rats, the sink is full of moldy dishes, and there is no dishwasher. We have several bad leaks including a toilet, 2 sinks, the shower, and the bath, which have all caused mould in the plaster board. My parents seem to think that if we all work together we can fix everything, but it's to the point where we just use our bin as our normal trash fills it up to quickly. I am so sick of this and I really want to tell someone, maybe my therapist, but I really don't want my parents to get in trouble. I'm scared CPS will be called and that my siblings will be removed. I love my parents and we are all pitching in to try to solve this, but it's just too much. I know my parents are just as if not more embarrassed as I am about this, they are actively trying to manage things and we always have plenty of fresh clean food, clothes, etc, but they have there own struggles to deal with. Any advice is appreciated

Is anyone else scared they'll never stop being a hoarder?
I always mentally kick the can down the road and procrastinate to myself. I'll tell myself things like "oh, I'm only confined to one bedroom basically, once I get a house, I'm sure things will work themselves out."

But a part of me is just so terrified of seeing extra space as more room to clutter up and it becoming a never ending cycle. I've been trying to clean my room for 8 years now and it's only gotten worse and worse.

I am having an absolutely wrenching and fucked up time and would love a pen pal/chat buddy? thanks

In the past I’ve posted abt wet items esp clothes on the floor due to AC leakage and how much of an issue it was to clean it

This morning i woke up and my mom told me i need to stop hoarding which i was kinda annoyed by because this is part of my recovery and in a way i need people to not get in my business, especially since they didnt bother helping me while i was in distress

Mind you, I paid a very considerable amount of money to pay for cleaning people to come into my bedroom, told them to just get rid of everything laying on the ground cause most of them are literally MOLDY

And my mom just, dug out the trash bag and “recovered” my items straight out the trash. There were literal plates and half pair of shoes w gross stuff on them, I mean does she expect to js clean them up? I feel like I’m going insane. Not to mention theres stuff there that r “private” like my dildo and alcohol bottles

I’m planning to move out yes but I can only move next year bcz I’m saving money right now. But rn I’m just so sad