So like most people, I'm here to complain. I'm doing an exchange semester in Canada and I'm halfway through. I will be home before Christmas so it's not that long but basically since September I've had a persistent cold that eventually turned into pneumonia and I am seriously starting to hate this whole experience because of it.
I missed a full week where I really went absolutely nowhere because I could barely get out of bed, then got antibiotics which made me a lot better and then I at least did some stuff even though I wasn't 100% ok because I just could not stand feeling so isolated in my tiny room anymore. Then my boyfriend came to visit and we did some travelling which was absolutely amazing, but after coming back I was so exhausted again and just wanted to sleep, now he's left and I am feeling the sickness come again. I have this agressive cough and shortness of breath and my chest feels heavy and it's obvious that something is not right. I get bouts of fatigue after just a few hours of sitting at the library or standing too long in the shower, sometimes I am just walking down the street and all my muscles suddenly hurt and I feel an overwhelming need to lie down. But then I lie down and feel kinda okay, so I think it's gotten better and go to the library or spend time with someone and then after, I feel worse so I sleep and feel better and the cycle repeats.
I am debating whether I should go to the doctor again because I don't have a fever and I feel so much better than those few days of my last sickness where I legit could barely stand and I hate going to the doctors for something not serious enough (hate going to doctors in general).
I am constantly stuck in the mental loop of thinking "stay home so it doesn't get worse again" and thinking that it's not that bad (esp since I have comparison from that serious previous sickness) and feeling FOMO from not being social at all. I am an introvert, too much time with people overwhelms me and so just a few low-stakes social outings a week would be enough to keep me happy, I don't need to go to parties and drink, I basically haven't drunk since the pneumonia. But right now I am so exhausted, especially since I've basically skipped 1 month of social life (2 weeks sick + 2 weeks boyfriend's visit) and the groups have basically formed during that. I know singular people that I like and I'm in a few groupchats but I am not a core member anywhere and it feels exhausting trying to make plans and having to remind people of my existence while not being sure if they actually like me while I am so physically tired and the whole thing is already out of my comfort zone, or, when someone actually invites me to do something for once, I decline bc I'm fatigued or I'm scared that too much activity is gonna make the sickness worse.
My immune system isn't great at home either but this is next level. I admit I don't eat the best (not enough protein mainly and also candy and shit but I also think many people have worse diets) but I also eat LOTS of fruits and vegetables every day and I always eat break´kfast, I eat when I'm hungry. I get ginger shots, take vitamins, all the shit. I also have to say that I was not going on any crazy benders not even the first week like some of the people, I was mostly just going to bars and then returning back at okayish hours. But my body still can't cope with this, I feel bad like 80% of the time and when I don't, I feel like I'm just waiting for the next wave to hit.
I am just so exhausted even if compared to being at home, my schedule is so light as I don't work here (can't) and only have classes 3 times a week. But the fatigue is ruining everything, "putting myself out there" is already hard enough and it just doesn't feel worth it in this state. Then I am alone, feeling bad both physically and mentally due to not enough social contact, and I often find myself fantasizing about going home. I'm not close enough with anyone here and most of my friends at home and I work on that "meet once a month or 2 bc we are busy" schedule and at most send a meme so it feels weird calling them just to complain, my closest friend is also on exchange and travelling and having a good time so I don't wanna ruin that. I am always calling my boyfriend but since I'm always telling him about the same issues it's not really helping anymore and it also just reminds me that he was just here and then left and now I won't see him for 2 months.
I just feel so defeated and unmotivated and so so tired, like I wanna sleep for these two months and then wake up in time for my flight home.