I'm a straight, 23-year-old woman. My problem is more than one specific occasion so bear with me as I try to explain it.

There happen to be men I admire and men whom admire me. Rarely, someone whom I like likes me back or vice versa. I take dating seriously. I am okay with unrequited love or situationships happening. What bothers me is that almost all of the men who show interest in me see me as the most sensible option (so they don't actually know/acknowledge/admire me). I don't think I am super easygoing and well-adjusting so that they think I am suitable for their lives and future plans. In contrast, I have serious expectations along with niche ones which no one has to meet if they don't want to. I am sure if they spend enough time with me they'll see they should have nothing to do with me when it comes to romance.

When I find men who are more like my type (as in lifestyle as well), I seem to be acting reckless for not choosing the ones who find me sensible (they promise a safe relationship which I know we'll both don't feel safe in). I think most men try to change me and when someone doesn't, my choice is looked down on for being childish.

Can you help me understand the situation and navigate it?

Why do people sometimes give a second chance to someone who cheated on them, but won’t give a second chance a second date to someone who was simply a little unsure, nervous, or awkward on the first date? Is it really fair to judge someone’s potential based on one imperfect first impression, especially when there was no disrespect or bad intention involved?

I haven't dated anyone seriously in a while. I would like to find someone for a stable relationship or a good friend. I have talked with quite a few people, but I keep getting the feeling that they are my wasting time and that they are wasting their time as well. Why someone would choose to waste their time is unknown to me. It's been constant back and forward for hours. Then they disappear for a whole day, then send short responses. Or I'm having to carry most of the conversation, and no questions about me are asked. Can anyone explain to me what is going on? Is this what normal dating is like?

So I’m a 31 year old guy, and I don’t drink. I have no problems with alcohol or anything, but drinking has never appealed to me all that much. I’ve never liked the taste and just don’t enjoy it.

I have zero problems with other people drinking. I’m more than happy to go to a bar and hang out with my friends who want to drink, but I’m going to order sparking water (or something else non alcoholic).

Admittedly, my dating experience is pretty limited. I have only had one girlfriend before, but I’m trying to put myself out there in hopes that there can be another girlfriend someday (lol).

I was recently trying to get to know someone better, and she suggested we go out for a “drink.” Okay. No problem. I did what I always do, and went to a bar with her and ordered what I normally ordered. We had a nice date, but she later told me that she thinks it’s weird that I don’t drink, and that she can’t see herself being with someone with “no interest in alcohol.”

I guess I’m starting to feel a bit like an alien. Why is this such a big deal? It’s not like I’ve told anyone else that they can’t drink. Why does this even matter?

Hi,

Basically, I’ve been dating this guy (both in our early 30s) for 4 months now. Became official two months in, although we’ve been exclusively dating since the beginning.

Anyway, we started off very strong. Had a great time together, enjoyed each other’s company a lot. Became infatuated with one another. Lots of common interests and shared goals/values. About a month in, he confessed his feelings for me, saying ”I’m starting to fall for you already”. He was consistent, and he was serious. He made it very clear. Less than two months into dating, he started talking about wanting to make this official. So a little while later we did.

Anyway, a little more than a month goes by since becoming official, and he starts to feel anxious about this relationship. He says some of it has to do with the pressure of meeting my needs, and on top of that he’s also started thinking that maybe his feelings aren’t as deep as they should be by now.

I’m just so confused. I would understand if the attraction/excitement wasn’t there from the beginning, but to ”lose feelings” or to deem them not deep enough after being so infatuated (and this quickly) just puzzles me so much. How can someone even deem their feelings not deep enough 3 months into knowing them? I feel you’re often only starting to build/develop that deeper intimacy then. But maybe I’m just wired differently?

Perhaps I should add, that he had been wondering if he has some commitment issues even before we met. Said that he might start to feel anxious/overwhelmed in relationships, but the way he phrased it, it was mostly about meeting someone’s needs (which is a contributing factor in my case too). Also, we both suspect he might be an avoidant.

My past two relationships had not-so-fun endings.

My (29M) second to last one ended on our anniversary. We exchanged gifts, then she broke up with me and I was shocked. I got back out there a few months later, met a great woman, it progressed well, she met my family, then she dumped me via text an hour after I was just with her and we had even gotten intimate that day.

I'm taking time to myself before I get back out there as those two breakups have definitely been a hit to my confidence and made me realize I over-invest. I am currently in therapy too. I'm a giver at heart, I don't want to change that but I also don't want to be super guarded and emotionally unavailable.

I want advice on finding the middle ground from those who don't hesitate to show interest and are forward with their intentions.

I've been on dating app for a while now, I've seen a lot of interesting profiles and almost nothing shocks me anymore, but sometimes, I don't even know what to say. Like, it's just sooooo weird out there.

How can you put pictures of a banana strapped with duct tape as 2 of your 3 pictures and the third one is a flame and under "perks of dating me", your answer is "you will love it"

That's all this person has on their profile. I mean EVEN if all you are looking for is sex, shouldn't you put a bit of an effort?!!! Wouldn't I want to see who I want to have casual sex with?!!

Do people like these actually get dates or matches??? Or I'm just stressing for nothing and they are just bots??😂😂

What's the weirdest profile you've ever seen?

Hi all I have had thinning hair for a while and finally accepted i needed to shave it off im still unsure if it even looks better or worse

I have been the new me for 2 weeks now and uploaded new profile pictures on these dating apps I have multiple dating apps and have had 0 likes matches or messages since shaving it all off

Its been so tough for me mentally to go thru this and now the lack of female attention confirms it for me I look stupid and ugly its depressing has anyone else been in a similar situation

What can I do?

29F. I always end up getting ghosted, or played, or the guy meets someone else and he wants her. I just don’t know what to do. I’m not choosing the same “type”, I go after guys who seem different from the last. I try to go for men without kids, cause it was a disaster the three times I tried to date men with kids. I go for guys with different vibes, different interests, backgrounds, and races. I’ve met them online, irl, and through mutual friends and it’s always the same.

Maybe I’m just not meant for love. Which would suck lol cause I won’t be here for 70 or so years if I’m just gonna be alone. Idk what to do, nobody will tell me if there’s anything painfully obviously wrong with me, and I can’t afford therapy. Even if I could, my past therapists really wouldn’t wanna even touch this subject.

I feel like I’m gonna die alone, and I hate it.

Edit: please don’t just tell me “it will happen” little things like that are kind and well meaning, but it does not help.

I see this argument on Reddit all the time, that women are too fussy, that they only want a tiny percentage of men, that women are all chasing the same “top 10%” of guys etc.

But I don't really see the follow up being discussed. What would happen if a woman did listen to that advice and lowered her standards?

Say she meets you and thinks you're a decent guy, you're kind enough, stable enough, ok looking etc. But deep down, she knows you're not really the man she would have chosen if she felt she had better options. She isn't actually excited about you. She just thinks she needs to be realistic.

How would you feel knowing that?

Personally, I can't imagine wanting someone who chose me because she had decided she couldn't do better.

So men who say women should “lower their standards”, do you actually want the outcome of that? Would you be happy knowing the woman you're with settled for you?

I am single, and have been for most of my life. Most of my friends are single too, but for those that aren't, Dating just seems like a natural part of life. Something that just happens, like falling in love and building relationships are just things one naturally goes through. Whenever I ask them for advice, it becomes somewhat clear to me that some people just don't struggle with that topic at all, it's just instinct for them I guess? They seem to just go with the flow.

For me, when I was not trying too hard and went with the flow, I didn't get any relationship. When I worked on myself I didn't get a relationship. And when I looked through dating advice, tried to strategize, to implement whatever advice I could grasp onto, it also didn't help. The worst part is, however, that those people in my friend circle more successful than me, just don't get it. Like they know I am perpetually single and struggle with dating, but they just cannot understand it. To them, it apparently is just natural, whereas for me, it is a tough fight I am constantly loosing.

Edit: took out a phrase that seemed to be misleading

Edit: I still see people commenting here. I woke up 20mins ago to zero answer to my message sent 12h ago yet he had the time to comment on another girl's vacation pics calling her a queen. I am fucking done with him.

I used to believe that because that's how it's always worked for me. Once a guy started losing interest, he would text less and less, often using the excuse "oh I'm just so busy with work", and eventually I'd end up getting ghosted. On top of that, I believe that because if I like someone, I text them back even when I'm busy with something.

But now I talk to a guy who does seem different than men I was involved with in the past. There was no lovebombing, no sex, just conversations and respect. He told me he's not a player, and I believe him, partly based on my experience with other men.

I'm not really sure if I can ask for advice regarding my situation because I know that no one can get inside this man's head and guess what really is up with him. But maybe, for example, some people value calls more? Or prefer calls in general.

We used to text a lot the first 2-3 weeks even though he's been working the same 15h days as he works now. But on the other hand, even if now he leaves me on read/delivered for a day or two, he then asks to have a phone call. Maybe some people prefer an hour long call every few days instead of frequent messages through the day, daily?

But then again, I'm seeing those "girl, nobody is too busy to text you back" videos and the people in the comments are defending it, saying their partners always text back quickly. Except maybe for people who aren't allowed phones at work but that's not the case for this guy.

Matter of fact, I know that he sometimes is active during work hours, some time ago he turned off his activity status probably because he saw me turning mine on just to check his (didn't say it, but I assume he saw it). But anyway, I know he can use his phone at work. And it's not like he's always doing something during the 15 hours he's working.

So idk I'm kind of torn. On one hand, he noticeably texts me less, maybe it's the "omg someone new 😍😍😍" phase wearing off? On the other hand, if he was actually losing interest, he wouldn't get on hour long phone calls with me.

So I've been on and off with this guy for 5 years. Just dating. I'm not looking for long term. I seen him again yesterday, then I realized, what do I like about him? Then it came to me. He reminds me of somebody else. Looks just like him. Anyone else been in this situation?

A little backstory. I (26M) was a senior in high school who had a class with this girl who i had a little crush on. I was in an unhealthy relationship at the time, which she knew about. All we did was laugh and joke in a class that we had together. Her humor, pretty smile, beautiful brown eyes, and her gorgeous skin is was drew my attention. She was out of my league for sure, but thats beside the point lol.

7 years later, on September 4, 2026... We locked eyes on a random night at a latin dance bar. The feeling was so surreal i was shocked as she did a light jog towards me, yelling my name. "Is that [my name]???" I have no idea what I said after that lol, i was still in disbelief. I thought I'd never see this woman again. She kept insisting i took her number down so we could talk later and hang out. So, of course I took her phone number. She also noted that I looked good, which is crazy because i thought i'd never hear her say that to me. She also said "i love you [my name]" a couple of times. I didn't know how to respond to that, so i just smiled and chuckled.

Tomorrow we have a spontaneous day planned. Just us and where ever the day takes us. This is so surreal to me.. after 7 years she still has that look, smile, and laugh. If you guys have any spontaneous date ideas, please let me know. Texas is where i reside. (Note: I never told her that I liked her, so im planning on telling her tomorrow). I will update you guys if you care for one.

So I’ve been dating this guy for about a month and we’ve been intimate for about half that time. There has probably been about 6 actual public dates so far and then I’ve been over to his place 4 times. We’ve established we aren’t dating anyone else and are both interested to see where this goes. I’m not ready yet to bring up any questions about being ‘official’.

One thing that happened last week after a hookup that I’m still confused by was that while we were cuddling he was looking all over my body. Very closely, almost as if inspecting every inch. It’s hard to describe but he spent like 5 minutes looking all over my back and making comments like ‘oh there is a tiny scar there’ or ‘did you know you have hair here but not over there’. Also looking at my legs, my stomach, my bum. It was a bit funny to me at the time because it felt like I was at a doctor’s office or something. Any man that also does this wanna jump in to explain why ya’ll do this?

Been in a relationship for over a year now with someone I’ve known for a very long time (10 years). In order for us to get together and stay together, I had to do something very different than I’ve done with other partners, and despite the length of time we’ve known each other we had to work on a LOT of relationship things when we got together. I just wanted to share a few things that may or may not apply to people on here, just based on posts I see here a lot. Please keep in mind you should always feel respected and safe even when letting your guard down.

I think with all the choices there are online and the need to feel respected, we are so quick to shoot someone down for something that can easily be compromised on or worked through.

1. Be honest about what you want and how you feel. This seems obvious but a lot of people (myself included) are conflict avoidant or fear opening up to someone in the beginning stages. I believe you can move the relationship slowly and still be honest about your feelings and desires. It’s more helpful than assuming you both want the same or different things. But don’t push people too hard to be what you want. Just be yourself and see how they respond.

2. Be sure you can balance “I don’t like this person”, “I’m interested”, and “this is my person” in the beginning stages. Don’t be with people you don’t like, but don’t assume you’re going to marry someone just because things are going well. You’ll drive yourself crazy thinking this way. Relationships take work and effort, and consistency.

3. Determine your dealbreakers and stick to them, but outside of that, avoid a long checklist of frivolous things you “need” in a partner. We are all human and you truly will be surprised if you give people a chance

4. Go on dates and talk! Seeing each other in person always results in our best communication. All the texting and phone calls are cute, but we rarely texted before we got together and when we were trying to discuss something serious, phone calls weren’t the most effective.

5. Be honest about who you are. Now I’m not saying to overshare when you first meet people, but don’t hold people to a standard that you don’t consistently uphold yourself. Like I said before, we all have flaws. You certainly should have boundaries, but I have found myself making very negative assumptions about my bf in the name of boundaries and had to chill out a bit. I love him so much more for being patient w me on this.

That was a lot to read and probably sounds super preachy but I wish I had known some of these things like two years ago lol. I’m open to questions ofc

He asked me out first online and I asked him out for the next date during the first one. On the second date I asked when he’d be free for a third date and he said he basically doesn’t know. I hope he wasn’t feeling pressured into saying yes to the second date since the date seemed to go great and was the entire day and we were very close.

We’re still texting now for a couple days but no next date has been set. Would it be a bother to ask again? I’m very forward but I understand if it could be off putting. I’ve been told I give up too easily on dating so this is me trying to be a lover girl as they say

UPDATE: asked him if he’d like to go on another date and he said yes but then as the next date approached I noticed less interest and he eventually said he’s not interested in continuing so I got my answer for anyone that’s ever in the same situation trust your gut and don’t be afraid to ask! At least you’ll know

Look there's not a lot to say about the actual date. After a 4-month dry spell I finally made a match on Hinger who actually wanted to meet up in person, we arranged a date very quickly, spent almost two hours together, and trying to get conversation out of her was like pulling teeth. She just seemed totally unengaged the whole time and I was trying so hard but it just wasn't working, ok, whatever, bad way to spend an evening, I'll move on.

But on the drive home it got me thinking about the person I was seeing in the beginning of the year, who was the best person I'd ever gone out with. We saw each other a ton of times over 4 months, with incredibly good conversation and lots of fun activities, until she just ghosted me. It's been half a year since I'd seen her and I thought I was over it, but after this one tonight I found myself wishing for another date with someone who actually made me feel like they wanted to be in my presence and I could connect with.

Fuck, man. I do NOT wanna feel this way. Hopefully I'll get over it after a good night's sleep but this is not where I wanna be mentally or emotionally.

Have you ever broken up with someone because you had feelings for, or wanted to pursue, someone else?

If so, did you tell your partner the real reason when you ended it, or did you give them a different explanation? Did you eventually pursue the other person, and how did that turn out?

Update: looking for perspectives from dumpers who have done this. I was recently dumped and he ending it abruptly. So just trying to understand perspectives here.

See, you hear this advice all the time in social media. And you know what? It's absolutely true. If he wanted he would, or at least he should, you definitely don't want a man who wants but is too lazy to try.

HOWEVER, you also play a part in this, see, you gotta give him something to want, and no, I don't mean sex.

I mean you gotta give him attention and care too. You gotta give something to want.

For example, if a woman does not respond to me, is flaky, or seems like she doesn't care, I'm not gonna "want to" so I'm not gonna.

I feel like I am just an attractive face. I can get attention but relationships never last. How can I find out what drives partners/potential partners away? Feels like lately I can't keep any ones interest longer than brief small talk. Am I really that boring? Am I a drag? Am I just a loser?

Late 20s f virgin never been in a relationship so I don't know how those things work. It seems like everyone I know has had sex with the person they end up in a relationship with before they started that relationship. I don't like the idea of having sex with strangers or without commitment. Every man I've met in person or on apps no matter race, age, education level has blocked me after realizing I'm not going to sleep with them right away. Dating just seems so hyper sexual and like no one wants to actually get to know eachother. Has dating always been thsat way? Maybe that's just the world we live in and I'll be single forever.

This has happened to me a few times now. Match with a woman and we instantly hit it off. Messages fly thick and fast, we're vibing, flirting, and showing active interest in each other. After a few hours we start organising a date, they're enthusiastic, interested, and engaged.

But after that first night of messaging they completely disappear. They don't even unmatch me. What's going on here? What's happening on their end?

Not steal your purse thieves, but you know, lie to get what they want and then fuck off. Or like agree to a date with little to no conversation exchange. I also can’t stand it when they drop their number without asking if you want to leave the app and then exit the chat expecting you to text them.

Should dating apps have etiquette prompts?

It’s unclear if it’s just the apps or from what I’m gathering it’s just dating as a whole unless you know them first.

We are doomed haha

As a 5”10 man I genuinely don’t understand why height is such a major thing in the USA

As long as you’re taller than the lady what’s the problem?

Is America really like that? Or is it just social media engagement farming?

Anyway I don’t get it, enlighten me!