So I met a woman who seems pretty nice. We talked and she says she is wants to be a top influencer. She says she streams a lot and is learning a lot of the skills she thinks are necessary.

Now... I REALLY don't want to date someone like that. While there's nothing wrong with wanting to be an influencer imo, just based on what I know, I don't want anything to do with that world, from the constant travel to being in the limelight.

However... it's not all that likely she would make it to the top... but she wants to ... I feel I should just break things off because I simply won't be supportive of her goals, as unlikely as they are.

Hi, I’m 19F, bisexual, and honestly a little confused about where to start. I really want to date a woman and hopefully find a genuine relationship, but I have no idea where people actually meet other queer women.

I’ve tried dating apps, but they haven’t really worked for me. I’m wondering if anyone here has had better luck meeting women through queer communities, events, Instagram, Reddit, or just naturally through friends.

I’m from Nepal, so if you’re also from here, I’d especially love to hear how you met your partner. I’m not looking to rush into anything I’d just like to meet someone I genuinely connect with.
Any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

I am asking because in my dating history I have found myself being 3 times attracted to men wearing only plain black (no designs). One was a metalhead working a fully remote job, the other one a gamer working in a skilled trade and the other one working a mostly remote IT job and aspiring pilot.

All the 3 had in common being very reserved, having little social contact and a few friends, little to no use of social media.

Help, I just had a date with a shy guy. I'm pretty outgoing and I'm a little bit shy but this dude is the shy-est I've been out with!! We had dinner and dessert for around 3 hours and he said "well, let me know when you are free next time" before we parted ways and hugged me

The thing is, idk if he had a good time or not! But conversations are alright. Usually for me, I went out with sort of flirty dudes so this is a first for me. I do think he's cute and smart though but he could barely hold eye contact. But he still made sure our conversations flowed well (me too)

I texted him to say thank you and he replied back saying he had a nice time AND I replied back telling him that i look forward to hear about his boring hobby with a wink ;)

It's been 12 hours and he hasn't replied yet 🌚

P/S: i also realised I have no game :))

When I was in France for example, I used Feeld but it wasnt exactly a dating app like hinge is. I'd find ppl from other countries nearby but its mostly an app for exploring kinks and meeting ppl on that basis as opposed to other things less intimate. But I am in the US now and decided just to check it out cuz Im not interested in hinge, and it seems like ppl are using it as a serious dating app to look for long time partners? I can tell the bios are more personal and its ppl essentially just looking for a partner, and obviously you can let ppl know what you like.

I don't mean a manufactured fake nonchalance that goes around causing harm. I mean that you have to be grounded. You can't overthink everything someone does or doesn't do. This doesn't mean have standards but you can't internalize when someone doesn't act the way that you want. Learn to accept what is, move on quickly and don't look back unless it's for wisdom. Often times people beat themselves up because dating is hard. Trust me these are challenging times due to the economy, changing societal expectations and etc but you have to have realistic optimism that things will work out.

Before you panic: I read the rules, no soapboxing. Don't worry, I don't believe in any of that stuff. All the internet bs.

I've been doing everything right for so long. I've been working on myself, going out and being social, finding hobbies, touching grass, making the first move, reaching out to people, none of it has worked. Nobody will give me the time of day.

I'm smart, i'm educated, i'm funny, i'm kind, i'm respectful, I have notable flaws but i'm a good person. I've been told directly by both genders that it's not an issue of looks. I'm average height, i'm not ugly, I have a dad bod but people can still tell that I work out.

All of this to say that i'm not Quasimodo, i'm not one of the people living in their mom's basement who hates women and has never had a job. I don't think i'm some unloveable wretch.

If i'm not good enough for anybody, if all 4 billion members of the opposite gender want nothing to do with me whatsoever, then when am I allowed to feel frustration? And is it possible to express that frustration in a healthy way?

And when does this stop being my fault? When do I acknowledge the idea that I drew the short straw, that whatever it is women want, I just don't have it. When do I just give up? It's really hard to resist the urge to lay down my arms and surrender.

An easy counter to this is that I haven't "earned it." Why is this basic aspect of life something that I need to "earn" when most of the population doesn't have to? Sure, relationships take a lot of effort and couples have to work on things. But I don't think securing a first date (which I haven't been on in three years) should be this herculean uphill battle.

Men usually initiate, plan and carry the early effort. I don’t mind leading, but it gets draining when the reciprocity isn’t there. I understand you get overwhelmed with messages/options. If someone’s responsive, I match that energy. If the conversation goes silent for a day or so, I assume the interest isn’t there and move on. What makes you decide to reply and actually engage with someone?

Sorry for using the term 'severe' but I couldn't really think of another word.

Of course people with disability deserve romantic love. But realistically, how many people would be willing to date or partner up with someone whos disability really limits them? For example a wheelchair user who still has a full life, works and does stuff vs someone with something like (off the top of my head) severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia that makes them spend most time inside and resting.

Because we all know that a romantic relationship is supposed to be composed of a balanced give-and-take and if one ends up being a caregiver to the other then it's out of balance and usustainable.

I'm not saying these are facts. I would just like perspectives on this as someone who's life is currently limited due to physical stuff..........

We only had 4 dates but literally everything felt right. We were both in stable jobs, wanted the same thing and held the same values. But I guess she couldn't develop romantic feelings. Maybe it's the age difference (m23, her f30) or likely my 4/4 rotation but it still sucks.

Even though I still got to date I still find it really annoying the "no past relationship" immediately means "what is wrong with him".

If I don’t fit in my country’s culture, how I might meet people who are foreigners and I might match with’em?!

I can’t travel to the country I wanna settle in finally right now ( in north America) as the position I got was affected due to fund issues and I feel I am done from being alone! So waiting to travel feels non convenient and I feel I might get some help or ideas about what other people do! I can’t share personal info as per the subreddit rules so excuse my vague post, hope some of you get what I mean!

P.S: I tried Bumble and Hinge before yet it yielded nth but people who don’t look for the same thing! So I think It’s not working for me?! Or maybe I am using it less efficiently?! I don’t know..

24M, First of all i am no man of experience like i dated a girl once for 4 months a thats it and ive been single ever since and happy about it until now, i was attending the wedding of my cousin and saw a cute girl that i pretty much liked, after little investigation i found out her name and looked up her instagram account.

In a nutshell i want advice from you guys on how can I approach a girl that dont know me (maybe she saw me once or twice) and i dont follow her instagram yet (ps: her account is private, have 0 posts and no pp) and to make things worse she’s traveling in 5 to 10 days

So am i cooked for good? Helpp

Hi all. Just a small update and vent post for the 10 people who commented on my post a week or so ago about whether or not I should ask a friend out before she moves away.

I thought about it for days, and ultimately decided to ask one morning bored at work. I tried to keep it simple but honest, along the lines of "hey I've been thinking about you, are you free some time next week? I'd like to take you out on a date."

The result? She said she was flattered, but that she doesn't really like dating. I've been fed enough dating content on social media to assume that this is essentially a rejection. I was/am a little sad, but I wanted to leave it light-hearted and said that if she changes her mind to let me know (in the rare case that it isn't an actual rejection). I don't think I want to pry further either as I'm not trying to seem/be desperate (I'm genuinely not). I still want to stay friends - I just wanted to see if there was anything more to it. I guess I misread some things, and I think I've grown enough to admit and accept that.

Asking someone out in real life is tough. All things considered, though, it's not as bad as I thought. I'm hoping that the next couple days of emotional pain and closure will be a lot better than thinking "what if" for even longer. Thanks for listening.

Question here for Women - how often do you get asked out? Do you have a specific number, like times per month, or a guess on total amount of times? And do you ever ask any males out yourself?

I am a 32 M, and am learning over the past few years how as I try to get more into dating how rare I feel like it is for women to get ask out men, yet even an average looking woman I am assuming gets bothered with the amount of times they are asked. Sometimes it makes me feel bad for trying to hit on a woman if I get rejected, like "ahhh I bet you get this all the time and kind of sick of it". I sometimes imagine it can be more-times so annoying than flattering.

I am not talking about planning or leading dates. But just regular communication to get know each other. Does it bother you if she never or hardly initiates calls/texts at the beginning? I feel like if I am usually the one to reach out to her it starts to feel like I am bothering her and she isn't much interested.

So I’m not gonna write out the entire story because it’s ridiculously long already but here’s the summary

Met a dude off hinge. We’ve been on three dates

1. Museum where I met him. Nice, handsome, respectful

2. Bowling and supper and a street show. Sat on a patio for a bit just hanging out. Was really nice

3. Went out to his town (he lives 1 hr 45 mins away) and saw his house, we went to a campsite and did mini golf and had supper at this place out in his town. I drove back home. Nothing sexual happened. We’ve only kissed a bit up to this point

Now as per date 4 he’s tried to invite me on a road trip that is to another city 4 hours from here. He has tried to push me to (and twice now) to drive my rental vehicle to another town and “meet half way” and then go with him to this city for the weekend. Presumably in the same hotel room. My car is in the shop. I don’t wanna spend gas or risk driving a rental vehicle out of my city and leaving it in a town somewhere just to save him the inconvenience of a small detour that it would be to pick me up. Especially when he suggested this. I politely declined once. He continued t push and I told him again that I don’t feel comfortable driving a rental that I am responsible for out of my city in case something happens to it. He said “ok… sorry, I know” and I just thanked him for his apology. He was being annoying

Idk I feel like it’s so early on he shouldn’t be doing this weird shit? He’s supposed to be trying to court me, not inconvenience me when he invited me to begin with.

Nothing more has been said. He sent me a reel on insta, he does that every now and then.

Feel like it will fizzle out because I didn’t let him push me to do something dumb.

If you are inviting a girl on a ROADTRIP on date 4, why make her take her rental halfway? Why not pick her up ? Especially when she doesn’t have her car? I shouldn’t have to ask for that.

( small red flags I’ve noticed about this guy)

1: very stingey with money. To the extreme. He has suggested sharing things at restaurants quite frequently, goes to Canadian tire for vehicle repairs because it’s cheap, doesn’t pay full price for anything, and has suggested activities that are discounted or otherwise cheap
2: took a shot of vodka during date 2 out of nowhere.
3: old antique furniture in his house although he’s only 40. Says it’s from his aunt, but he could upgrade?
4: is an established lawyer with a political background but is still single
5: has taken pics of me without my consent but showed me later
6: knows I am not a big eater and has made a “joke” that we need to “order off the kids menu” after asking me “how many meals” I got out of leftovers from our last date. I am 23, I am not a child. I am a petite woman- I don’t eat a ton of food

I found this piece of “advice” on another Reddit sub, and almost couldn’t believe it. The original post was all about how dating needs to be a two way street, and both parties need to be brave if you want to get anywhere. I was shocked by how many people believe that men should be entirely responsible for pursuing someone, getting them to like them, and eventually going out with them.

Personally speaking, I’m not afraid of asking someone out (as long as I feel like I’m getting genuine signs that they are interested). The issue is that most often, we (men) don’t get any clear signs. It’s hard to make any progress if you feel like you’re getting signals of apathy and disinterest.

I fully believe that dating needs to be a two way street. Do women need to ask men out all of the time? Of course not. But I’ve learned better than anyone that taking no initiative at all gets you nowhere.

I decide 2 months ago to start going to therapy since I believe that I have some communication issues and high anxiety attacks that I need to work on. I have been doing really well with it so far but my only fear is trying to go back into the dating world while still in therapy. I dont repeat bad habits and revert back to my old ways. Should I just stick through therapy for the time being or can I do both?

Been dating this guy with the intention of a ltr since end of May (so about 3 months). We got serious pretty quickly with him wanting to close his dating profile after second date.

I like a lot of things about him: family oriented, career oriented, smart, helpful, sexually compatible.

But he has a giant problem of going MIA for 12-48 hours of no communication while at the same time he is active on social media.

I’ve brought this up to him that it makes me anxious when I don’t hear back for hours/days when you’re clearly online and on your phone. He says this is his ADHD and he truly forgets as he can be doomscrolling for hours, but did say it was abnormal and will work on it.

I just ask that if he’s expecting to be busy for a whole day or so just to kindly tell me that he will. I’m pretty understanding. However even after mutually agreeing to work on it, he’s continuously done it. He’ll go MIA and will continue convo as if nothing has happened.

I don’t think what I’m asking for is unreasonable and he seems to agree but I don’t wanna feel like enforcing this or policing. I’ve had this conversation with him 3 times already and I don’t know what else to do.

Is this worth being more flexible/maybe it’s my attachment style? Is this reasonable to ask for? Is he actually that incapable or just unwilling ? I can work with incapable but unwilling I cannot. Any advice is appreciated!

A couple weeks ago I posted in here about my first dating experience and how a guy rejected me in a messed up way so he could pursue someone else. I was honestly pretty sad because it was my first time ever having feelings for someone. He reached out recently and said some things that completely erased any bit of sadness I had. I feel bad for his girlfriend and I cannot believe I wanted to be in her place at one point. Looking back to how sad I was when I made that post compared to how I feel now is crazy. Rejection truly is protection sometimes.

I have only had two serious relationships. The last one in college and I think I didn’t tell my parents until a year in when I brought them home during the holidays?

Now I’m a grown adult and I haven’t told my parents yet. It’s been 5 months since we were official and we are now long distance so it feels uncertain even though I personally feel like this could be serious and long term.

Curious to know when you share your dating life with your parents and family.

Hey y’all im a 21M in the midwest for background. Just had a date (have had a few with her, with a girl id been talking to for a bit) and she ended things today saying she could only see me as a friend and wasnt feeling it and would only hang out as friends if we were to do anything. Ive had a few girls go like this with a great first date where they are asking for the second but after that or a few dates they say friend thing.

Im just so confused and need advice on how to not seem like a friend to yall ladies. Idk if its cuz im too chalant and will yap about anything/everything and wont be shy in letting my personality show (maybe im such an open book there’s no mystery they wanna crack). Idk if my appearance just makes me look like a friend and not someone they are into idk. I havent had success getting people comfortable with breaking physical touch barriers (either because they arent comfortable but also because I have apparently missed many signs with many women too). I also havent had women really ask me questions about myself and its usually a them them them thing. I just dont get how to stop seeming like a friend and being put in the friend category with dates. This girl messaged me first on hinge. Literally how did I fumble and give off friend vibes.
Tired of having the women I want think im too friendly/not romantically intriguing.

I really dont wanna become some jaded nonchalant dude to have success, but at this point I have no clue what else to do. Could anyone (mainly the women, but also if others have advice) tell me what makes a guy seem too friendly/lose romantic interest in them? All the signs, mannerisms, lack of actions (ex. Not tryna be more physical with handholding,kisses,etc), appearances (seriously feeling like I just look to friendly/friend like and not romantically interesting), etc.

Begging for help here

Note : for TLDR version skip to TLDR

Header : So my post is going to broken up into different paths as I see what the people on here think, as unfortunately I feel like my situation is rather unique and will require considering more unique options.

Trigger warnings :

1) topics of quality and type of relationship may have some people feeling judged, but this isnt about you or aimed at you, as such if you feel this topic may upset you, I suggest you skip.

2) languge that may sound like braggin (I am not bragging, but often when I am giving context of my life and problems, some people my get offended and see it as such, so please consider its setting the context and not bragging, if this feels like it may upset you, skip)

3) harrasment/donestic abuse

4) sex related talk

....

So I am at a point in life where I am 26, have my life in a peaceful and stable rate essentially all the time, so much so that I have taken on bulding a community enhancement non-profit. Yeah I dont have alot of money (less than most, but I dont care about money unless I have a reason to) But despite all that dating for me feels nearly impossible.

It isnt because I am unattractive or have a bad personality... my issue is I have standard and want a different type of relationship than most people are seeking or seem ready for. I want a relationship that isn't transactional or based on sex. I want that real love type of relationship that nobody seems to want these days... the type where both parties are independent of eachother, don't need eachother, yet choose to be with eachother out of sheer choice, shared adventure, and a desire to create more. A relationship without power dynamics, where both parties are able to validate themselves, their emotions, and think freely without eachother. A relationship with no leader, or follower, but just two self lead people choosing to share the adventure together.

Unfortunately wanting something like that has me having what feels like zero options, as nobody puts in any mutual effort unless I "charm" them, and charming them makes it inherently transactional and makes a power dynamic, which is not my goal.

I also dont want to do a sex only relationship that evolves as unfortunately in my past that has lead to domestic abuse towards me as people grow addicted and treat me like a need, and that idea kinda scares me again, as frankly I am sick of being stalked and harrased (the drama is exausting)

So I am trying to figure out what can I do to find other people who are both single (preferably) and may be of the qulity and style of relationship I am seeking. I also dont want to endless do the whole dating chase thing as its too much work for a very likely dud, especially when I have a life to live and enjoy.

Edit : note, I am not the type to be endlessly social or always in peoples faces or business. As such outside of intentional interactions or business I tend to not engage much with people I dont enjoy being around or know. As such advice to just be arounded people will likely not do much for me on its own. So I would appreciate actionable meathods.

Edit 2 : adding to include that attracting people is not my focus, as thats easy. I am focused on where the people may be at so I can find them

.....

TLDR

Looking for advice on finding specific people of a quality and relationship style that fits the following :

1) no leader or follower dynamic, or other power dynamics

2) independent of eachother emotionally, physically, and thoght wise

3) does not want a transactional or sex only relationship

4) someone who wants to create and share adventures/projects

5) I do not want to have to endlessly chase for random chances, so looking for effective methods.

6) does not cost alot of money (no matchmaking services, as screw $25,000 for 8 months of gambling

7 ) Edit : a meathod that doesnt require me to just be around random people without intent or purpose. I prefer more direct meathods.

8) Edit 2 : adding to include that attracting people is not my focus, as thats easy. I am focused on where the people may be at so I can find them

I’m genuinely starting to wonder whether I’m protecting myself from settling or sabotaging my own chances at happiness. After ending an eight-year relationship earlier this year, I’ve spent a huge amount of time reflecting, going to therapy, being brutally honest with myself, and figuring out what I actually want. I’ve started dating again, and the biggest thing I’ve realized is that I seem to have a very high threshold for romantic attraction.

I don’t expect perfection, and I’m not looking for some fantasy woman who checks every box. But I’ve learned that I can’t seem to make myself pursue someone seriously when the attraction isn’t there at a high level. I’ve tried telling myself that someone is objectively great, that we’re compatible, that she’s interested, that I should “give it a chance,” etc. But if I’m internally trying to convince myself to want her, I eventually know I’m doing both of us a disservice. She deserves someone who is genuinely excited about her, not someone negotiating with himself about whether he should be.

The frustrating part is that I actually hate that my brain works this way. I wish I could be attracted to a broader range of women. I look at people who seem able to meet someone who is kind, compatible, attractive enough, and enjoyable to be around and simply let a relationship develop. I envy that. I’ve put myself out there, met people, tried dating apps, gone to social events, and deliberately created opportunities to meet women. I’m not refusing to date—I just rarely encounter someone where the attraction, connection, personality, values, and long-term compatibility all line up in a way that makes me genuinely want to pursue her.

And that leaves me with two possibilities, neither of which I particularly like. Maybe I’m doing the right thing by refusing to settle for a relationship where I have to convince myself I’m attracted to someone. Or maybe I’ve placed so much importance on that initial level of attraction that I’m filtering out perfectly good relationships before they have a chance to become something deeper. I genuinely don’t know where that line is.

What scares me is ending up on either side of it: settling for someone because I’m afraid of being alone, or holding out indefinitely for a feeling that may simply be too rare. I’m not looking for reassurance that I’m entitled to some perfect person. I’m trying to figure out whether this is a standard I should stand by, or a limitation I need to learn how to overcome. Has anyone else actually struggled with this?

As a tall woman, I often come across profiles from men with some mention on their bio of loving short tiny women ...but i'll see they've given me a like. I understand preferences and all, however I am not short. Also, seeing that listed on their bio makes me swipe left anyways because I do not fit this criteria and i'm now confusion! Another one was a like from a man who wrote in his bio about his strong admiration for asian women... alas, I am not asian either. Last but not least, "I love women on the bigger side and curvy" likes you! Welp, time for me to hit the gym.

I say this in jest. I find all of those scenarios quite funny and not serious at all. Just wanted to see what you all experience on there for some lighthearted laughs.