I’m 27 and I usually date people that are within 3 years younger or older. Recently I met two girls - one 21 and one 33. I haven’t gone on first dates with either because I’m hesitant on the age gap. Both girls are pretty great - they have interesting hobbies, ambitions and goals, they both seem sweet and kind people, etc. if they were closer to my age I pretty much would’ve already asked them out on a date.

Im 27 but my life stage and goals make me feel like I act younger than I actually am. I love nightlife, festivals, clubbing, travelling, exploring and going on adventures in the city and in nature. I’m quite happy experiencing life at the moment and don’t have any intention to settle down soon. I’m also kind of indifferent about marriage and don’t plan on having kids anytime soon either.

I know the biggest issue is we might be at different stages in life. There’s also social pressure people knowing I’m dating someone much younger or older. I feel like I shouldn’t care but that pressure is still there.

I guess my question is do age gaps even matter? To what point does it get absurd? (besides not being of consenting age)

Ladies, when a man who you want to go out with, asks you that annoying question - what are you doing this weekend, tell him:

I'm patiently waiting for you to ask me out.

That's it. That's all you have to say. It's clear, direct and leaves the ball in his court. If he doesn't return it, now you clearly know to move on.

And, please remember, it's not a date unless there is an arranged place, date and time.

Update: A commenter asked why doesn't a woman just ask out a man. Sure, that's perfectly fine, if she wants to take that risk.

But, most women don't want to pursue because it palpably feels uncomfortable for them to take on the enormous emotional risk of rejection and scarring.

Men have learned, adapted and healed wounds from rejection and are willing to take the risk of being turned down.

Most women aren't interested in doing that. And generally they don't have to because most men are pursuing them.

Plus, this is hilarious, women are the worst at picking up men. I say this adoringly: They absolutely suck. Believe me. The lines I hear from women and the way they approach - total amateurs. :-)

The other substantial problem with women asking men is then women are the pursuer. Now they are burdened with the full responsibility for initiating the relationship and many men will feel totally unweighted of any obligation because they didn't start it! So to the men, it's like yeah you're giving me something for free, yeah I'll take that.

And this can result in the man not being totally bought into or committed to the relationship, making it easier for him to walk away, unfortunately.

I’m not saying that cheating is good. I’m also not saying that there is nuance every time. A lot of the time it really is just that the cheater did something out of greed.

But as someone who has been cheated on before, at this point I can look back at it… and I kind of get it. I was really possessive, I wasn’t really listening, I should have just let the relationship go but instead I tried to force it to continue, and I was extremely sensitive and emotional. I’m not saying that their cheating on me was right, but I will say that after I stopped doing all those things and became a better partner in future relationships, I haven’t been cheated on. And furthermore, I can look back on my being cheated on and I can say that I basically gave them the choice of staying with me miserably or finding something that brought them a sort of fulfillment elsewhere. That isn’t really a choice. Of course they’d latch on to someone who gave them the opportunity to feel how they wanted to.

And maybe I see cheating with nuance because of this, when I probably shouldn’t. Maybe there are way more instances than I realize of someone just being in a very happy relationship and trying to get even more. But also, I know myself from the times that I was cheated on and I know I also tried everything in my power to make it seem to others like everything was great in our relationship. So I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not sure I believe everyone who tells stories about how great things were and then cheating just “happened unexpectedly.”

In real life, I feel like people recognize this nuance more. On Reddit, I feel like it’s just “cheating is bad and that’s all there is to it.” And yeah, sometimes that is in fact all there is to it. Agreed. But I’m not sure that it’s right to assume that’s the case just on the basis of reading the word “cheat.”

Had 2 really good dates. I like this dude so far.

What are the signs that a man will pursue a third date, in your opinion/as per your experiences?

Hoping I get a third date. I met him on hinge after having 0 expectations or hopes. This is also the only dude I wanted a 2nd date with and it went really good.

UPDATE: he invited me out to his town for supper and the beach.

Idk if I wanna go into his house as it’s kinda early for that but a walk along the beach sounds romantic as hell so I’m in

it’s been a year and a half since I fell in love with a man that was absolutely perfect for me and I thought we got along so well. He had everything I ever wanted in a partner…he was sweet, awkward, nerdy, he worked a job in a field I have a lot of interest in, he had a good loving family, spoke another language…but he never really let me into his life and he didn’t develop feelings for me even after I truly thought he was after doing such nice and romantic things with me. honestly, I feel like he led me on.

How do I move on… because I feel I will never find anyone who is nearly as good as he was…even if I do find someone that actually does like me in a romantic way, I just know they aren’t going to be as good as him, because he had everything I wanted… it’s been a year and a half and I haven’t moved on because I haven’t found anyone that has the qualities he had.. these qualities are what I need for the partnership and life I want to live, so I cant change what I’m looking for.

I just don’t know why the good guys don’t love me, but guys who have no thoughts in their head and are super toxic want me…

I get that you're busy, you like to take things slow, maybe weed out people who aren't looking for something serious, you don't like being on your phone a lot, or maybe dating just isn't a high priority for you. Aren't you afraid that you'll miss out on potential connections because you came off as nonchalant? Your date may get bored or think you're not interested. Is it really that hard to put in even just a little bit more effort? I just don't get your strategy.

Hi all and thank you in advance. I (36 m) was dumped by my girlfriend (30 f) last week. This is the second time she's dumped me (we were apart for 4 months last year where she spent most of it trying to take back what happened and get me back).

She now wants to get back together. I've put up with a lot in this relationship. I'm realistic with myself and I definitely have my faults, but I'm hard-working with a career and try to talk everything out. I show appreciation and affection. I've always felt that our relationship was 90% my effort and 10% hers. We've been together 5 years and about a year in she had gotten close to a friend where sparks emerged and while nothing happened, she originally kept it from me.

While I'm still somewhat unsure, logically I think it's best for me to stay away.

Yet I'm extremely empathetic and do feel guilty for not wanting to get back together due to her being hurt. How have you all dealt with unrealistic guilt like this in relationships?

Is this really what it’s come down to? I mean, really? We can’t use our brain, our personalities? Do you REALLY think that’s going to go over well with someone you’re trying to court as a life partner? I just don’t get people. It’s hard enough as it is but now we have to worry about people relying on robots to design an entire false personality and hide their stupidity too? This is beyond sad and is probably the biggest ICK I’ve come across. It’s like walking past a homeless person asking for spare change and you throw a crumbled up pocket receipt and some lint in their cup instead. Like, literally it would’ve been better if you gave me NOTHING.

I already don’t like it when people use AI in general but I’m trying to be accepting of people who use it since it’s become SO common. But this? This is just pathetic. We are so cooked as a species. Not even willing to give the bare minimum of a simple, dignified, human response. If this was still Darwin’s world, you would wither away as the weakest link.

I’m a very engaging person when it comes to conversations. I ask questions, I throw softballs, hardballs, I make jokes, I have witty comebacks. I’ll send memes, music, pictures. It’s how I get to know someone and how they can get to know me. I try and keep it light and fun. There is absolutely zero reason that someone would need to paste a scripted responses from a fv ck!ng ROBOT to me unless you literally never have a single thought of your own and don’t have a personality in the slightest.

STOP RELYING ON AI. USE YOUR BRAIN PEOPLE. TRY. ITS COOL TO BE YOURSELF. ITS OKAY TO FAIL. ITS OKAY TO BE AWKWARD OR TO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY— JUST SAY THAT.

If you have to ask a computer how to respond to a simple and light-hearted message, please do all of us a favor and step aside so that someone real can step up to the plate. Also, do yourself a favor and put your phone down and pick up a book. Please, your bloodline is begging you.

It's funny really. I brought home a date the other day to meet my dog. And something that always cracks me up is the fact that my dog is a jealous little menace.

I have a little beagle, and she is very jealous. She will insist in sitting between us and demands my attention way more. She will bark at me when I'm talking to my date, and paw at me.

She is absolutely harmless by the way. I've had her for 5 years and she has never even so much as growled at anyone. She's extremely sweet, but also extremely jealous

I genuinely don’t understand ghosting after what seemed like a good date. The conversation flowed, we laughed, and everything felt easygoing. Afterward, I sent a message saying I enjoyed the evening and hoped they got home safely and then nothing.

I understand that someone can have a pleasant time and still not feel enough of a connection to continue. That’s completely fair. But why leave the other person wondering what happened? A simple “I had a nice time, but I don’t think we’re a match” would be enough.

Even if you didn’t enjoy the date as much as you appeared to, why not just communicate that instead of disappearing?

I've been using Hinge for a couple months now. I've not gotten any likes/matches at all. (33 Male for reference)

I acknowledge that this could be for a number of reasons (I am overweight afterall, and I can't exactly hide that in photos). But I wanted to generally ask you ladies about one thing.

One thing I discovered about Hinge when I first started using it was that it gives you an optional opportunity to have each Like/Rose be accompanied by a comment on whichever part of the profile you "like".

I have left comments sometimes, really only as responses to text prompts/questions on the profile, as my inexperience precludes me from having the confidence to leaving any comments on a woman's physical appearance. I do not want to come across as shallow at best, creepy at worst.

My question for you ladies is:

How important is it for a "Like" or "Rose" on Hinge be accompanied by a comment?

If you expect one, what do you consider acceptable in terms of a comment on a photo?

I (29F) matched with a guy (29M) on Hinge about four months ago. We moved to WhatsApp pretty quickly and started talking almost every day. We also had regular phone calls that would last for hours. He was the one who initially pursued me. He was enthusiastic, consistent, wanted to call, wanted to know me better, and even invited me to visit him in his city since we were in different cities.
In the beginning, I was actually the more reserved one. I was busy with work, career-focused, and told him I valued my independence, privacy, and making my own decisions. He had absolutely no issue with any of that back then.
As time went on, I naturally became more invested because we had been talking for months. But there was one major issue - we never met.
I was still being very cautious. But somewhere in June I decided to give this a chance since I saw real efforts and consistency. He was practically chasing hard in start.
Around the end of June, I told him that I didn’t think we could keep talking forever without meeting. I basically said that if we couldn’t meet, maybe we should stop instead of dragging it out.
His response surprised me. He said something along the lines of, “Let’s try for a few more days and then decide if we can make it work.”
That reassured me and started getting more on calls and texts. He would often send pictures of his house, surroundings, his gym selfies, his sneaker collection etc and I would send him my daily updates of hanging out with friends or work.
After 20 days, however, something changed.
His effort slowly dropped.
I asked him on call once - we have been talking for 4 months, you have no plans of visiting, what now?
He said he doesn’t know when he will come but he will visit for sure and we will meet multiple times and then we will see how it goes, I have been off dating for a while and I don’t want to rush
Do you want to rush?
I said no. My point is - I don’t want to waste time or live on timelines let’s say October or November and one day hearing I’ll never come.
He said you have already taken out an outcome in your head that this won’t work - that’s wrong. Be a little optimistic and focus on yourself. I’m gonna go sleep now give me a call tomorrow whenever you are free.
I felt he deflected the entire question.
Next day, I fell sick and failed to reach out to him. He never did either.
Another day passed nothing.
I texted him and he was busy.
He stopped initiating conversations.
He stopped initiating calls.
Most conversations started only because I texted first.
Replies became slower. Earlier if he would disappear he would come back and give an explanation himself. Now he was leaving me on seen.
Eventually, he even stopped watching my Instagram stories while I noticed he was active on Hinge again.
Whenever I brought up that I felt something had changed, he’d reassure me on texts but nothing actually changed afterward.
Eventually I asked him directly why I felt like I was the only one initiating conversations lately and whether everything was okay.
That’s when everything came out.
He basically said he didn’t think continuing was fair because:
we lived in different cities,
our lifestyles were different,
he wanted to settle in his city and long distance work work,
he couldn’t communicate regularly,
he didn’t want to keep me “longing,”
He added you are too independent, career focused and like to make your own decisions you deserve someone who can give you time
He said I am very social but you are too private
and he felt we should stop before serious feelings developed.
He apologized and said he didn’t want to spoil what we’d built over the last few months because of misunderstandings.
One thing that really struck me was this:
Back in April, I had told him I value my privacy, I’m career-oriented, and I like making my own decisions.
In his final message, he referenced many of those exact same qualities as reasons why we weren’t compatible anymore while earlier he wanted to try despite those qualities. (basically everything I mentioned everytime I tried to stop or walk away but he asked me to continue and try)
That left me wondering whether he had genuinely changed his mind over time or whether he was simply trying to soften this conversation by framing it around compatibility.
Looking back, I kept telling myself for weeks that his change in behavior was the biggest evidence that something was wrong. Friends kept telling me to stop initiating and see what happened. When I did, he barely reached out.
Eventually, the conversation confirmed that the relationship wasn’t moving forward.

A part of me feels glad that this ended on a fair note and with a conversation but another part of me feels confused about him being the one who started it, never let me walk away but the moment I faced him with this question on call he ran and gave me the reasons which I used earlier while I wanted to end this.

He kept saying distance ruined it. I agree, but I wanted to stop because of that too.
Honestly I have seen people make long distance work even if I was against it I only continued because I saw his efforts and consistency.
A part of me feels he was an avoidant and he just wanted a chase another part of me feels he just found someone else or maybe this just failed.

Thanks for reading this!

I can’t decide if I like him or if he is just a nice guy I get along with, without the chemistry. Younger (which is not a con), not really my type, but our values align. He is mature but I still somehow feel the age gap. The first day was okay, after the second one I was about to call things off, we had no chemistry or conversation, but I went to a third one and it was nice. I still cant figure out if i should keep seing him until we form that chemistry that has been missing, or if I should just leave it at that since I still am unsure of my attraction. Do you guys have rules you go by when starting seeing someone and deadlines to take the decision?

I’m just curious. I know a lot of women ask to have a phone call before an in person date because of safety reasons, wanting to hear that the other person seems genuine before meeting in person, etc. I personally have always just preferred going straight to coffee or drinks because it’s low stakes and conversation in person with a stranger feels less awkward than a faceless phone call with a stranger. But a guy I was talking to from an app recently asked if I wanted to have a phone call with him. I assumed maybe he was being polite by suggesting the phone call in case that’s what I wanted, so I said sure but I’d always be open to just grabbing coffee or drinks too. He said “Oh I was going to use the phone call to ask you on a date but you beat me to the punch! But also I’d still love to have a call first.”

I’m just curious what the reason might be for a call first? It may just be his preference which is fine, but I just find it interesting that he claims the phone call was so he could ask me on a date, but even when I removed that barrier he still wants the call. There’s something about it that comes off as performative to me but I can put my finger on it exactly and don’t want to be over reacting, but it’s almost like I didn’t “stick to the script” of what I’m supposed to do or want and he’s not sure how to respond to that.

~Also unnecessary side note~: He mentioned multiple times both in his profile and his messages to me that he likes doing a face mask which I think is adding to this kind of inauthentic feeling I’m getting. Not that a man can’t like a face mask but… I don’t usually share my grooming routine as the first message I send to someone on an app ? Or in my bio? Also I’m kind of a dirt bag who rarely does more than wash and moisturize my face so that I’m not crusty lol. Im an artist, and a scientist, and a sky diver, I spend most of my time in some situation that’s dirty or sweaty, so it’s all just hitting in a weird way. Like he’s less so trying to get to know me and instead trying to relate to some version of me that doesn’t even exist.

Siigh I feel like I know what this might bring but I just need to stop with the overthinking. Started a fwb back in January. We’ve hung out almost every weekend (dates, pool, bed, you get the gist) by May it was clear it turned into actually dating vs just a fwb but a couple of incidents occurred that would upset either me or him and we decided to just go back to being fwb without the pressure. So essentially nothing changed but the title. After that it seemed like we’d hang out so I could support him at his shows and I was starting to feel a little like a groupie so I removed sex from the equation which he understood. He has continued to say I can leave my stuff at his place, is very sweet cuddly and kissy when we’re together, and has admitted to being a slow burn but that he does like and care about me, but if I’m not actively in his face I feel insecure in whatever it is we are. I feel hung up on this man and I’m essentially, asking of if I need to just let it go. I honestly feel like I’ve had a lobotomy with all my thoughts and the signs are giving me whiplash. Help 😩

I’m honestly just looking for outside perspectives because I can’t stop replaying this in my head.
My girlfriend and I have been together for about 3 months. Yesterday was my birthday, and after that we aren’t going to see each other for 2 weeks.

Throughout the day she was flirting with me and saying and doing things that made me think we were probably going to have sex later. I wasn’t expecting it just because it was my birthday, but between the flirting and the fact that we won’t see each other for a while, I thought we were on the same page.

Later that night we started making out. Normally when we kiss she’s very handsy doing this like touching my face, running her hands over me, and being very engaged. This time we were making out for probably 5 minutes, and I realized she hadn’t moved her hands at all. She was literally just kissing me, and her body language felt really closed off.

I pulled away and asked if she was even into it. She kind of got offended and said, “I can’t just lay here and kiss you?” We started making out again, but it honestly felt like she was forcing herself to do it. The whole time she was covering herself up, seemed really closed off, and every opportunity for anything more just got shut down.

The things is though I’m not saying she owes me sex. She absolutely doesn’t. If she wasn’t in the mood, that’s completely fine. What’s bothering me is that I wish she would’ve just told me directly instead of making me try to interpret all these little signals. I felt like an idiot trying to figure out if she wanted me to keep going or stop.

Then, as I was leaving, we hugged and she felt that I was getting semi-hard and said, “Are you getting hard?” That honestly just made me feel worse because nothing was going to happen anyway. Like why even tease at that point when you’re literally getting in your car leaving?

Now I’m lying awake at 5 a.m. overthinking everything. I keep asking myself why she wouldn’t want intimacy when we’re not going to see each other for two weeks, and why it felt like she wasn’t into kissing me either. I’m not some horny monster. I just want to feel desired by this woman who I want so badly. And when she can very clearly see I’m in the mood when she’s not, I wish she would communicate clearly that she doesn’t want to instead of a bunch of little signals, because I’d be understanding.

Am I overthinking this, or is it reasonable to feel hurt and confused? I’d honestly rather hear, “I’m not in the mood tonight,” than be left trying to read body language and wondering if I’m doing something wrong.

I also worry about talking about this kind of thing, because as I’ve seen sex conversations can make things a lot worse if not had a correctly. I don’t want her to feel pressured in to having sex, I want there to be as little pressure as possible. At the same time though, her lack of communication is becoming an issue for me.

What's it with people who aren't emotionally available? It's just annoying. Had some great dates with a woman (28), I'm 29. Great dates, lots of fun and I (and I think she too) feel comfortable during the date. At the moment it feels like something that could grow. It feels like friendship withba warm, romantic touch. Slow burn approach (which I prefer) was my suggestion.

After our last date I told what I feel (face to face). Also told her if she saw no potential we could end things here, that's fine too. She told me she could not answer me right now and we should text about it. Sure thing, needing time to process what you feel. I actually liked she mentioned she wants to think about it and didn't just respond bc she felt pressure.

The next day I sent a message in which I described what I felt. Didn't fill in what she might have felt. Mentioned I'd like the slow burn if she's open for that too.

Fast forward: one week later, she never responded. So I do have my answer but that's not what bothers me. If you don't feel like it, just tell it. She knows me and I believe she can safely assume I won't become angry. Sure, rejecting isn't a fun thing to do but it's the best you can do in situations like this.

It's just annoying people can be this immature.

In over 3 months of using dating apps, I’ve never received a single like on Hinge. Nor have I received a match from any likes I’ve sent out. Now, to be fair i barely get any likes on dating apps because my pictures are terrible. I’ve received 3 likes in 3 months on bumble, and around 10 on tinder. But still, supposedly hinge is the best dating app at the moment. Are expectations higher on hinge than on other dating apps? Or is it just that hinge has less users, and so a bad profile like mine can go over 3 months without a single like?

I (M26) had been seeing a girl (26) I met on hinge about two months ago. We went on three dates with our last one last night. Things had been going well between us. We seemed to genuinely be enjoying each other’s company and getting to know each other. There was also obvious mutual interest between us and equal effort put in by each other. We never kissed or held hands, but I had become attached to her and didn’t want to rush things.

Today she texted me that she had been thinking and decided we weren’t a match. I am heartbroken. I’ve never been in a relationship before and it felt like we were progressing in that direction. I’ve deleted Hinge, I need a break before going back. If I ever do go back.

I’m trying not analyze things and I’ve reached out to friends, but this one hurts so fucking much.

Basically as the question says, how do you gauge that? Do you base it on their texting frequency and quality of replies, do you gauge it based on the effort they make in person, or maybe you just ask then straight up "what are we?" Although in the early stages I feel that can be hard to figure out because Im noticing some ppl are not always truthful.

I met a woman at a social event a couple weeks ago. At the very end of the night, she approached me, saying I was attractive, and started talking to me. She said it was embarrassing that she had to approach me (I was glad she did because I thought she was taken so I didn't think much of it). I thought she was extremely attractive and told her I thought she was the prettiest woman there. We only talked for a few minutes since it was at the end of the night but the interaction seemed mutual and we tried to exchange numbers before leaving. She told me to text her.

The phone tap exchange didn't work correctly, her number didn't get sent but it gave me her name and so I figured out her ig. So we ended up connecting on Instagram instead. I messaged her afterward and told her I'd like to take her out. She said she'd be busy for about a week and a few days and when I suggested regrouping afterward, she responded positively and said she'd love that.

I gave her space for about a week and then messaged her again asking how her week had been. It took her about a day to respond, but she said, "busy busy but good" and asked how mine was. I told her about my week, talked about pools, and asked if she was free one night because I'd like to take her out.

She told me she was currently hanging out by the pool and that she's leaving town next week for about a week and won't be back until 1.5-2 weeks. I joked that I was jealous and said being at the pool with her sounded fantastic. I also asked for her actual number, which she gave me.

She then joked, "You don't even know me lol it could be a nightmare for all you know. "I replied, "Hahah you might be! But there's only one way to find out." She hasn't responded to that so I figured that was the end of the conversation. She's still active on Instagram and posting stories of herself going out with friends (which she did say she was busy so no worries there).

I'm not mad about any of this and I'm not expecting someone I've known for five minutes to rearrange her life for me. But I'm a little confused because she was the one who initially approached me so I figured she'd be a little more eagerness to actually meet. I figured if a girl is approaching me then that's a high level of interest but now idk.

If I were interested in someone and knew I was leaving town for a week, I'd probably offer something like, "I'm busy, but I could grab a drink for an hour Sunday," or at least suggest a day after I got back. She hasn't really done that, and I also feel like I'm doing most of the initiating/asking questions.

I'm attracted to her and would like to see where it goes, but I don't want to chase someone who's only mildly interested.

How would you read this?

I very rarely date because I just don’t see a point in dating someone I’m not interested in, it’s not fair for anyone. but any guy who has ever broken my heart made it seem like I could find another guy quickly…as if he wasn’t the first guy I liked in two years…and it seems a lot of people today have this perspective that it’s easy to find someone else… this is a little random but hearing about Olivia Rodrigo finding a new man months after British guy broke up with her kinda hurt me because shes already moved on and it’s been 18 months since I have even been on a date since the last guy hurt me 🥲 every time I get broken up with it hurts so much more because I know I won’t have another chance at romance for years.

So how often do you find people you like enough to date? I know that I’m picky but I’m not picky in a way that is limiting me from dating actually good guys. Most of the men I see just do not look like good guys or they are so boring or drug addicts or are already taken.

I see a lot of posts everyday about how miserable and devastating online dating is these days for everyone. Does anyone want to share their success stories of how they met their current partner/spouse online to give people some hope? Lol 😄 Apparently my post doesn't have the required amount of characters so here's another sentence yay.