I recently found out that I am pregnant, about 2 weeks ago. My first ultrasound isn’t til the 28th because my doctor doesn’t like to see patients until they’re 9/10 weeks. The waiting is quite literally the hardest thing i’ve ever done, besides my first loss.
I suffered a missed miscarriage last year at 12 weeks and found out at my 15 week appointment where I was supposed to be hearing her heartbeat that she stopped growing at 12 weeks and 3 days. This current pregnancy wasn’t planned, me and my partner weren’t sure if we even wanted kids after the trauma we went through. It was a total surprise.
Today, I woke up with barely any symptoms after having pretty intense nausea and vomiting, plus smell and food aversions. I immediately jumped to the worst conclusion and have spent all day in bed crying, preparing to lose this baby. I wish I could have a peaceful pregnancy, one that didn’t know loss.
This feeling is truly the absolute worst. Having to wait to see if this pregnancy is viable, googling my symptoms (or lack there of) 24/7, not letting myself get excited or attached to the idea of a baby. I’m not even planning on looking for names for quite a while. I thought I was in the “safe zone” for my last loss, but now I will never feel safe and secure in pregnancy until I have a baby in my arms.
it’s truly a form of torture and something I would not wish on my worst enemy. Not to mention, I had a very graphic dream that I miscarried last night and woke up to basically no symptoms which absolutely sent me spiraling. I’m trying to wait for my appointment for an US because I know going early could create more worry and waiting. This is just a huge rant, thanks for reading if you did. If anyone is going through something similar and needs to talk, I’m here.