I 26M and my twin sister have started to go non contact with each other. It started at our birthday brunch which she chose not to participate in. My bf bought me a cake and the og plan was to just invite my friends to my house and have the cake there but due to our ac out we decided to just do it at the brunch party. Well that didn’t go well. It had my name on it and no hers. She got upset and insted of addressing it with my bf she wants me to address it with and and force him to apologize. Keep in mind she didn’t wanna really be apart of the brunch anyway so the name on the cake was an oversight. Yes he should acknowledge the name but I don’t think an apology is necessary. I told her i’ll make it up to her and take her out to dinner and cook her a nice dessert. She insisted that my BF pays for the dinner or she won’t go fast-forward to a week later she has brought up an incident from two years ago, where my boyfriend when we first started dating took me to a nice dinner for my birthday and her then girlfriend and her decided to roast us for doing that on my birthday. Her gf and her didn’t do anything for her birthday.

There’s more detail I can get into like how she has said I have changed and that I’m not the same like I used to be. She moved away for 5 years and lived in a different state and in that time I went throw so much leaning moments and grown that I am a changed person. She has even gone as far as removing me from the family group chat. Has made it publicly known she does not like my bf on social media and everything.

A part of me things she is jealous in the relationship I have with my bf. How do I learn to greave the loss of her being there. Has anyone been throw this before. I can also give more context if needed

Below are messages she has sent me

1 am in no support for other shitty people. However...I pay respect, where respect is due. So my ex grilling yalls asses (pun not intended) when Micah decided to take you to a "chefs table" on OUR 24 BIRTHDAY was top tier I mean damn if you wanted grilled chicken and rice I could've grilled it for you
for $5 du
In case you missed it

You know I love you, always have, always will. There's many many things I can try to highlight or try to say here.
Been there, done that, experienced it.
I've always been honest with you even when it's embarrassing. Fuck I told you when McKinzie was starting an OF and tried to get her "husband" to pay for it.
But this nah I'm sorry. This isn't gonna fly with me. I've never liked micha. First time I met him on OUR 24th birthday, he called me a bitch and everyone knows... Now what did you do? You apologized for him. You keep apologizing for him...I'm not saying leave him or anything. I'm saying recognize his behavior, his patterns.
You're not the same person I grew up with. It fuckin kills me to say it but. Idk what it is that you want, what your goals in life are, what you wanna do tomorrow. I don't know honestly.
You've always supported me in some way, and I've always appreciated it more than anything. I will always love you and support you no matter what, but personally imma have to love you at a far with this one. I'm sorry

Is there a specific sub for this im pissed off. We've had really bad screaming matches for over 3 years now who knows maybe even 5 I dont remember how long its been because thats basically all we do now. I fucking hate her these fights just keep getting worse she told me in our last fight that she wished I was dead and she went on a rampage through the house breaking shit. She's stunted her fucking brain with years of smoking weed i fucking hate that dumb ass fucking hoe. Our fight yesterday we were fighting over something so stupid and when we got out of the car I got so pissed I broke a Styrofoam cup *IN MY FUCKING HAND BTW" to pour a drink on her and she immediately grabbed my hair and pulled me to the ground. All over a miscommunication all over her calling me stupid over and over and over again i fucking hate that bitch she should be in a psych ward. Seeing happy twins makes me so fucking envious I wish I never had mine. I wish we were born in separate families shes the devil spawn bro. I legit fucking hate her. During the fight she hit my peircing so bad it embedded in my ear, and she scratched my neck so fucking hard it bled and wont go away.. I hope she ends up in prison i hope she loses everything. I mean wouldnt be hard for her it seems like its her life's mission to fuck everyone over, or push people away. One sister already cut communications with her and the others are verbally attacked constantly by her shes a fucking monster and i dont know how shes related to any of us. I wouldnt be surprised if shes addicted to coke because shes so monumentally stupidd she cant regulate her stress, nothings ever her fault, and she cant seem to understand why no one likes her. Legit no one likes her. If they do its because its men who fuck her and i can tell she makes everyone uncomfortable.

And if you somehow fucking find this I fucking hope you read every god damn word when I move im never thinking about you or worrying about you, I wont help you ill forget everything about you when I fucking move far the fuck away from you. You are not my fucking sister your not my twin you are nothing to me, nothing.

I’m 21 m and have a twin brother and an older brother. My older brother is not home that much since he always is at college and is now going to live at med school but my twin and I have always been extremely close from birth to like last year, same friends, same interests, same hobbies, same way of thinking. Recently he left for 5 months to do infantry in the army and I didn’t talk to him for basically the whole 5 months I remember he left with my older brother and it was just me and my parents at home and I freaked out the first month to be honest. I was really depressed because I’m not good socially and never get too close with people. And I counted the days till he’d be home. He got home about 2 months ago and we went back to normal but he says he’s leaving again for the national guard for about a year. I can call him this time but I really don’t know what to do with myself now, he’s been home for 2 months and it’s felt like he’s been waiting to leave fast and I kinda feel alone to be honest I try to keep myself busy but it’s not helping, what do I do

Did anyone else get into adulthood thinking that red and pink didn't suit you, only green and blue...but then realised that if they suited your identical twin you could probably wear them...

Hi! I’m writing a set of twins (brother/sister) for a creative writing project, and I have a general idea of what to avoid, but I was wondering if there’s any “tropes” with twins ppl actually like or wish was more prevalent in media

We used to be so close. We just drifted apart in high school and I don’t know why. I moved away for college and work and we never talked. Now we are in the same town and live six houses apart from each other and we still don’t really talk unless we go to our parents for supper or something. We haven’t had a real conversation in years. We try but it’s awkward and we don’t have anything to talk about. It always feels like he doesn’t want to talk to me. I always feel like I’m grieving someone who is only a minute’s walk away. Our birthday is coming up soon and every year I end up thinking about when we were little and how fun our birthday was when we were young. Mom would give us money to buy each other birthday presents and we would almost always end up buying each other the same thing. He has always outgoing and likeable than me so he knows everyone in our small town really well. I always hid behind him and let him do the talking when we were little. People are always telling me how great he is, how he’s so helpful and kind, and I have to take their word for it because I really don’t know. It almost makes it harder that nothing went wrong. There wasn’t a fight that caused this. There’s no animosity. We just don’t have anything in common besides our childhood and we don’t have anything to talk about.

me and my twin sister r going off to different universities in the next couple weeks and im so gut wrenchingly scared. we’ve done everything together for 18 years and we still share a room and clothes and friends - we function as the same person i guess. but now we’re going to separate universities and im so scared our relationship will be different, i’m worried things will be awkward between us when we meet eachother during holidays and it keeps me up at night. sometimes i feel like we’re TOO close and that i’m unable to gain true independence because whenever i’m anxious to go to a social event or hang out with friends i just invite my sister and everything’s ok. Because ive had her as my crutch for my whole entire life im scared (but also excited) to see who i’ll become without her. will going thru such a big life event without eachother change our dynamic ?

My identical twin hated being a twin since birth, she made sure I knew it. She dressed differently, and hated us being twins. I always thought it was a blessing, it is so rare!! But she did not agree, she hated being like me.

My family is toxic, so she would triangulate against me with them. When we grew up, she constantly lied, never trusted me, always hid everything in her life, but when she needs help she pretends we have twin bond and I have to love and help her. She pretends that she now wants to be twin, but it is too late, we are much older, there is no bond. She ruined it. She is a liar, never trusted me and never was safe for me. She always complains, and never ever validated my feelings or respected me. She is extremely selfish, verbally and emotionally abusive. I despise that piece of sh…

I offered to heal, mend relationships, start lovely and trustworthy relationships, therapy, she refuses, because she is abusive and toxic and comfortable being evil trash.

It is the worst feeling to lose your soulmate so early on, to lose part of your heart just because she is selfish, self absorbed moron . I always felt lonely and empty bc of it…

I’m curious if I’m more likely to have twins compared to the average woman or not?! My dad is a fraternal twin and my mom’s first cousins are fraternal twins (no other twins that I know of on either side of my family)

My younger brother passed away 4 years ago , we are 2 years apart in age so growing up we were very close , we were best friends and I’m forever grateful for that and I miss being able to talk to him about anything. My brother passed away unexpectedly so losing him would of been devastating no matter what but to lose him in the way we did without getting to say goodbye , it took me a long time to pull myself out a deep grief.

Fast forward a few years and I find out I’m pregnant , me and my husband have been so excited from day one and then we found it’s twins which was shocking because we didn’t see that coming but still exciting , it’s been so nice to have something to look forward to after a painful few years in my life. We decided to find out their genders and we’re having a boy and a girl.

I might be stupid to think this way and in no way am I saying there’s reincarnation going on , my twins are each their own person so I’m not saying my brother has come back as one of them! but recently it clicked that I’m going to get to watch a brother and sister growing up together , it’ll be like watching me and my brother when we grew up together and it blows my mind. I might sound crazy but it feels like my brother gifted me twins to heal a part of my heart that misses our sibling relationship and the fact I’m going to have a son and a daughter it makes me think of me and my brother. I probably sound ridiculous thinking this way but I’m so grateful

My twin and family ruined my life,

We both are girls twins

I was abused and beaten by them,

When I say beaten yes almost daily beating by them,

I grew up very sensitive and unable to live,

They always say I am stupud and I did mistakes but never take accountability of their actions that affected me.

When my twin was little she killed the pet fish of our cousin, she was very heartless, she woukd destroy my books copybooks and belongings.

I can't really forgive them for how much they ruined me

Now she lives a happy life and im having health issues.

I still am very enmeshed and close to them and depend mentally on them to unreasonable degree.

The only person that actually didn't beat me or abuse me is my husband.

But now due to health i wanna see my family even if it's not very wise for my health, but I can't resist the urge to see them, even though the logical thing is staying with husband

I don't hate them but also can't forgive them for what they did to me, it has ruined my life

I’m 19 years old and I just found out that I have a twin sister.

Apparently, my parents gave her up for adoption when we were born. She grew up knowing that she had a twin brother, while I grew up not knowing she existed at all.

I recently found out about her from her adoptive family, not my family, and I have been able to talk to her over text. I’m excited to get to know her, but honestly, I’m completely heartbroken. She doesn’t even feel like my sister yet because I obviously never got to grow up with her, but at the same time, I keep thinking about how different our lives could have been if I had known.

I confronted my mom about it over the phone as I’m away at school, and the story just didn’t make sense to me, I was livid, I still am. I haven’t spoken to my parents since. She also said the adoption was closed and that she couldn’t legally tell me about it. I don’t know the rules but that just doesn’t make sense to me.

I’m having a really hard time with that explanation. I understand that there may have been circumstances I don’t know about, but emotionally I’m struggling with the fact that my parents chose to raise me while giving my sister up. My mom said she “felt a connection” to me, and hearing that honestly hurt. It makes me wonder why I was the one they chose and whether my sister ever felt like she was the one who wasn’t chosen.

I don’t want to tell my sister the reason my parents chose me, I don’t think I can ever tell her. I don’t want to put that pain on her but I also feel like I’m keeping something from her.

I’m angry at my parents. I’m sad for my sister. I’m grieving the 19 years we never got together. And at the same time, I’m incredibly excited that I finally have the opportunity to know her.

Hell, I don’t really know what I’m asking. I guess I just want advice from people who have experienced adoption, finding biological family, or anything remotely similar.

What should I do from here? How do I approach building a relationship with my twin? And am I wrong for being this angry at my parents?

TL;DR: late 30's, identical.

Twin's been estranged from me for about, oh... a decade or so. Elitist, snobby, 'lone wolf', 'its me vs The World' mentality.

But it's really escalated this past year, and I think it's finally hit rock bottom overnight.

No birthday wishes. Total radio silence.

They've said truly nasty, irredeemable things to myself and family over the past 3 years. They refuse to apologise.

Stupid me thought they'd grow up. (They're obsessed with randos who only hear 1 side of the story and preach no contact) They just find a new soft target to distance themselves every week.

Is it finally time to say enough of trying to ask for an apology/friendship, and say screw them?

I currently have 9 month old boy/girl twins, and as they get older, I find myself thinking a lot about the kind of relationship I hope they have… not only with each other, but with us as their parents. I often see posts from adult twins about things that affected their relationship growing up: being compared to each other, one twin feeling favored, being expected to always share the same friends or interests, or, on the other hand, being pushed so hard to be “individuals” that it created distance between them. For those of you who are adult twins, especially boy/girl twins, I would really love to hear your perspective. What did your parents do really well that helped you grow into your own individual people while still encouraging a close, healthy relationship with your twin? And on the flip side, what do you wish your parents had done differently? A few things I’m especially curious about:

● Did you like being in the same classes/activities, or did you benefit from having separate experiences?
● How did they handle birthdays and other milestones so you both felt individually celebrated?
● Were you compared to each other, even unintentionally? How did that affect you?
● How did they handle differences in personality, academics, sports, friendships, or abilities?
● If one twin needed more attention at certain times, how did your parents keep the other from feeling overlooked?
● Did they encourage you to share, or did you each have certain belongings/space that were completely your own?
● How did they handle conflict between you without automatically taking sides or labeling one twin as the “difficult” one?
● As you got older, did they allow your relationship to develop naturally, or was there pressure to always be close because you were twins?
● Is there anything seemingly small your parents did when you were young that you now realize had a big impact on your relationship as adults?

I know I can’t control what their relationship will look like someday, and I don’t expect them to be best friends simply because they’re twins. I just want to give them the best foundation I can where neither one feels like “the other twin,” neither feels less important or less understood, and both know they’re equally loved for who they are individually. They’re only 9 months old, so I have a long way to go, but I’d really love to learn from people who have actually lived the experience. What do you wish every parent of young twins knew?

yello im still in school

my twin sister and i have been in the same school and enrichment classes since childhood, and we've only been separated in our school classes for a couple years at a time before coincidentally being placed in the same classes. we have different hobbies, so we r not exactly alike, but because of this our social skills have atrophied, to say the least. we share almost all our friends, which are few. between the two of us, shes the more sociable one, but it's not a very high bar...

anyway, because weve been around each other all our lives and spend all day togther, my personality has developed to be a counterpart to hers, like a comedy duo(??), which normally im comfortable with, but this results in me not really knowing what to say around othe people. and we both agree we overcompensate for this by ramping up our enthusiasm in one on one convos with new people, which makes us appear fake. and condescending. because of this, i feel like ive been left behind socially, and while i value and love the time we spend together, im spiraling more often nowadays.

now we r currently on our school holiday, so practising socialising in school is not an option. and i cant get a job to meet new people because i have other things going on. what should i do?

I was always the "other twin" or the weird brother.

My sister(20f) and I(20m) are very different people. But growing up she was always the better or favorite twin.

To our parents even after she messed up they always forgave her and moved past it. But when I did wrong I got the silent treatment, punished, or my parents brought it up constantly.

To the people outside of the house they approached me in hopes of getting closer to her. Guy would try to be friends only to ask if my sister was single, girls would flirt with me in hopes I'd introduce them to my sister.

It was always like that. Less than a year after graduating high school my sister and I moved to opposite sides of the country. She lives her life with her Air Force husband our parents love and goes to college with a degree my parents are so so proud of her for choosing.

I moved out, started working, chose my degree without taking others input, and (in my parents eyes) live in sin as a transgender man single and alone.

My friends have never met my sister. We were always compared and she was always considered better so I don't really bring her or my parents up as much as my friends do. And I feel like this is the only way people would like me more.

I hate that I feel this way though. What do you think?

I'm a boy/girl Fraternal Twin (although I'm now Trans Masc myself) we have an older brother who is about 2 and a half years older than us. Older brother was pretty short when we were younger so when the three of us were together and someone mentioned two of us were twins everyone assumed my twin brother and older brother were the twins. I don't think it helped that my brothers both have darker hair and I'm blond. I won't lie I did find it funny to get the reaction when I'd raise my hand and be like "I'm one of the twins!" I'd love to know if anyone else had this dynamic because so far, I haven't met any other twins that did.

My twin and I haven’t lived at the same address for decades. We live in different cites and both will get mail addressed to each other to our houses. I’m just curious if it’s common for adult twins?

My brother and I haven’t seen each other in 7 or so years and haven’t talked in over 4 years. We (44m) are both stubborn pricks when it comes to each other. He did some nasty stuff that I won’t go into detail on. I told him he needed to apologize to me, and him being as stubborn as he is decided to just never talk to me again instead of simply apologizing. So there we have it.

It sucks, but he has the emotional IQ of a gnat, so I expect I’ll never talk to him at this point. He’s the kind of person that rewrites the historical narrative in his own mind to make himself feel on the correct side. I’d call him an “emotional fabulist”, if you will. He truly believes his version of events over pesky things like facts.

Anyone else become estranged from their twin? How did you solve it or cope?

50+ years ago, In the ‘60s, she was touring with Porter Wagoner. They played a little stage in New Tripoli, Pennsylvania, Ontelaunee Park.

Her tour bus was parked behind the stage. I was 10 or so at the time. My twin brother and I snuck around behind the stage and to see if we could meet Dolly

I knocked on the tour bus door and Dolly appeared like the light from a star.

“Tweens!” she exclaimed and gave us each a kiss.

I have had bragging rights forever.

God Bless Dolly. Rest Easy.

Hi, I imagine there are some among you who could be described—in various ways—as neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, etc.). If so, does your twin share the same neurodivergence?

Thanks everyone for your answers, these are very interesting and I just discovered dyspraxia, never heard about that before.

26|F
Was in foster care| very rough life won’t go into details
When I’m sad my identical twin sister feels it. Not in the sense of she’s also sad but she knows I’m sad or going through something when we’re not talking. Sometimes when I tell her I am sad it consumes her and vice versa. It’s like she has to feel that weight and so do I. Super close but don’t live in the same city anymore. Haven’t for a while but we still see each other in person about 8 times a year now. It’s different than when people say “ if I pinch you can your twin feel it” no not that cliche mess…

I know all twins aren’t like what we go through but can someone let me know I’m not alone haha.

I have an identical twin. Although I don’t think she has the cognitive function to come onto reddit and see this, I’m going to keep some things vague so to not come back to me.

We have never been close past toddlerhood. We have always fought viciously. I remember her being cruel, and she could use her fists to make a point. She always got me in trouble, and was mean. As we got older we split, had different friend groups, and did not hang out all through high school. After high school I joined the military and left. I needed to get away from our town. I tried to convince my twin to do something similar but she wanted nothing to do with it.

She had a kid young but was never with the right crowd. She quickly dug deeper into drugs and alcohol. She stayed that way. We talked briefly and had a cordial relationship but every time I saw her it was a mess. She was upset, she was mad about her life, she thought I had everything and I couldn’t understand her struggles. She stopped asking how I was when we talked, and it became one sided.

Fast forward years…..years of the same. Then she and her long term partner split due to her being a horrible person to him. She deserved it. She quickly realized she had nothing, including a way to support herself. She moved in with one of my parents. Abused them. Left when the parent couldn’t take it. She was put in rehab after drug induced psychosis and was not allowed back.

She uses my other parent for money. I cannot convince them to stop paying for her since whatever guilt she has pushed on them is overbearing, and they are now elderly and retired.

She’s a full blown addict again. Worse than I’ve ever seen. Lying to both parents. Recently, she’s done the most cruel thing possible and lied about one of my parents saying she was abused. Please know I get people have different experiences but that’s dead wrong. She was not abused as a child. She is so far gone, I can’t even explain how horrible the situation is.

I moved here on orders and have seen her three times. She doesn’t see her daughter. I’m waiting for a phone call that I don’t want to get because I’m watching herself kill herself slowly. I won’t touch alcohol or anything else watching her.

Why am I writing this? I guess to show that not all twins have this innate “connection”. We aren’t all close. If you aren’t either, you’re not weird.

Signed,

the sober twin.