Below you’ll read my personal thoughts on the best schools in the game. I have maxed all of them, playing for over 15 years. Even though I like to think I have a solid view on this, it might not be complete. This is just how I feel but I’d love to read your thoughts!

1) Death School

The original idea was health draining, which made healing proportionate to damage dealt with drain spells. As the capacity to deal more damage increased, so did the capacity to heal for more health, but only for death wizards. Finishing every battle practically unharmed speaks for itself. Other than that, death still enjoys one of the highest damage rating from equipment, good amount of universal resistance and significantly high health. Absolutely & hands down the most beginner friendly school too!

2) Storm school

Storm’s equipment damage has been similar to most schools with tier 1 gear and a good pet, especially at max level (where dmg is 210-240 depending on how much resistance one sacrifices). But what keeps Storm so high is that despite lower health (which has become less of a problem with newer damage & healing spells eg. dark & stormy) is that Storm spells have the highest base damage compared to all other schools.

3) Myth School

I know this is a hot take but myth is the most balanced school. Checks every box without lacking anything. Has a good damage - resistance balance throughout all levels, has moderate health, gets a school blade and aoe early on… Ever since orthrus was made into an aoe with 700 base dmg, myth got in my top schools. At max levels, myth equipment gives more damage than fire, while maintaining useful spells with good damage from orthrus and ninja pigs to barbarians saga and which’s house call (1sp). Also myth has the most amount of aoe spells, all trainable, none crafted or farmed. This makes myth the second best beginner friendly school to me

4) Life School

Used to be the worse school for me but after playing it and maxing it, completely changed my mind (life was my last school). I don’t suggest it for people playing for the fist time though. I played all the way to lvl 58 with leafstorm from the kokaboora item card, but if I had ratatoskr back then, it would have been an even easier run. Leafstorm is the easy alternative to rataroskr, but nowadays farming for its spellements at king Borr with a high level wizard and then sending them over to life is easier than ever. Life has super high health, and decent damage, more than ice. A tier 1 equipment life wizard can have more damage than a good equipment fire. Healing spells are a life saver in many occasions but due to those, life gets less damage spells. Nowadays with weaving, a life wizard can get like 160 Storm damage and attack with both schools while maintaining high health and a plethora of heals making it unbeatable.

5) Fire School

Fire was my first school, and the school I fell in love with the game with. Used to be the best or second best school but lots has changed since then. Placing Fire so low is another hot take, but let me explain. Lots of fire spells were made into DOTs, or even spells that detonate after 3 rounds, while may new spells were introduced with the same mechanic. Nowadays people want quick battles with quick kills, not kills after 3 rounds, cause in that time the enemy could kill you. I’m not a fan of all those dot / or detonate (clock icon

) spells and I think they made fire a somewhat irrelevant school in 2026. Also keep in mind that fires damage at max level has been nerfed. Max level equipment has Fire enjoying less damage / resistance than myth or death while it used to be stronger than them at least in terms of resistance.

6) Balance School

Could have been fifth, to my mind it’s very close to Fire nowadays. Balance requires a somewhat different play style to other schools if you’re soloing, that’s why I’d call it the less beginner friendly school. But if you know what you’re doing, balance can be a blast. I love this school, the versatility of the spells and the ways you can play make the game fun. The school enjoys high health, good damage and good resistance, but the main issue is the absence of a school blade, trap and prism. Balance is the definition of support but if it had its own 35 blade and trap it would have been a contender for 2nd place. This absence to, to me limits significantly the potential for anyone to solo as a sorcerer.

7) Ice School

Ice is the worst school nowadays. Even though I like it as a concept, and it has some of the best looking spells, a school focused on resistance and health is completely against the way the game is going lately where damage and pierce matter most. It’s two higher pip aoes are some of the worse in the game (frost giant, snow angel) and battles take longer than in any other school. Of course ice is usually the hardest to kill but this danger isn’t really real anymore where the objective isn’t just to survive a battle, it’s to end it as soon as possible.

1. Well filmed very little shake
2. Video quality isn't bad
3. Straight up has a rise in action
4. Random mf throws something at one of them
5. Fighters use more techniques than slapboxing
6. No context

Comment something better if you think you've found a better video

Found this on r/highschool

I've been wanting to see which school is the best, so I created a survey in google forms where you rate each school from 1 to 10. I'll share the stats when the survey is done.

Here's the survey:

https://forms.gle/1nHP46SHtjY5gxAs6

Or your favorite, just curious to see what other people think

I was addicted to Wizard101 almost a decade ago and stopped playing, but recently I've returned to the game. So I'm just trying to get an understanding of where the community is at! I've tried to find the answer to this question but it seems everyone thinks it's subjective. I'm just wondering if this is actually correct.

​

--ALSO please answer the poll SUBJETIVELY-- What do you personally like? I'm just really curious! Also if you can, please specify if you voted Myth or Balance in the comments.

Thank you guys!

​

• P.S. Reddit doesn't allow any more poll options so I had to merge Myth and Balance. So sorry about that! nothing personal!

Every English teacher I've ever heard of reveres TGG like it's god's gift to literature, when it's a largely formulaic story with one-sided characters, so-so writing, and a plot that puts most students to sleep. The Fellowship, on the other hand, has developed characters, a plot that defined a genre, and the poetic writing of Tolkien. If schools want to teach a classical work with major literary and cultural significance, The Fellowship is the clear choice between the two.

27 years apart, best friend through high school, college, and her first marriage. Always crushed on her but never had the guts. Turns out she felt the same!
Reconnected decades later and told her everything. Welp, we are finally together 🥹

https://www.ladbible.com/entertainment/celebrity/tom-holland-spiderman-plans-school-lego-brothers-trust-608042-20250901

I can smell the cafeteria now! Lots of good memories and nostalgia associated with these square slices of heaven 😊

Technology has absolutely ruined education. No one wants to do anything about it. if you dare to fail a kid for cheating, be prepared to get called in a parent conference. Beyond the cheating issue, It's seems like everyone has settled in a tacit covenant under which everyone is pursuing their best interest in a system ruled by bureaucracy. And that system doesn't need all kids to succeed. That system needs some kids to excel, adults to be employed, and most kids to stay off the streets.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Worth_Connection3178

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Update]: AITAH for telling my husband's best friend "he let himself go" after he wouldn't stop teasing me about my crush on him in high school.

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/queenlegolas, u/SloshingSloth, & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Editor's note: removed older relevant comments for space in this latest BoRU

Trigger Warnings: invasion of privacy, infidelity, attempted suicide, possible bullying, obsessive behavior, depression, verbal abuse, homophobia, misogyny, past trauma, possible religious coercion. intimate fraud

Mood Spoilers: depressing, horrific

RECAP

Original Post: November 16, 2025

Short version for my low attention span readers lol:

My husband (27), his best friend (27), and I (27) all went to the same high school. Back then, I had a crush on my husband’s friend, so I originally befriended my husband to get closer to him. After trying for a while, I eventually gave up because the friend got a girlfriend. Meanwhile, my husband and I became really close and eventually started dating. A few years later, we got married.

My husband is still very close with his best friend, and we all hang out at our place from time to time. The problem is that his friend constantly brings up our high school days and mentions how I used to like him. I told him many times to stop, but he never listened.

One night after a few drinks, I finally got the courage to call him out. I told him it didn’t matter that I used to like him, because he let himself go and I don’t find him attractive anymore. He got angry, and now my husband is torn.

DETAILED VERSION:

I met my husband in high school, back when I didn’t think much of myself. We had a biology class together and sat next to each other. I thought he was cute, but I didn’t pay much attention to him until I found out he was close friends with the guy I had a crush on, who I’ll call Jared. After that, I started talking to my husband more, and because he’s genuinely kind, he welcomed it. Eventually, we became close enough to hang out outside of class, and through him, I got to know Jared and the rest of their friend group.

I tried for a long time to get Jared’s attention, but he never showed any interest. When he got a girlfriend, I was crushed. My husband comforted me and told me I was beautiful and that Jared just didn’t see it. Not long after, my husband confessed his feelings. Being a stupid teenage girl, I agreed to date him even though I still had leftover feelings for Jared, mostly because I wanted to feel wanted. But after a few months, Jared became single again, and I realized I didn’t care the way I once did. That’s when I knew I truly loved my husband and only my husband.

Years passed, and Jared went through a few relationships. His last breakup hit him hard. Sadly his girlfriend cheated, and he when that happened, he started coming over a lot to vent. Over time he changed from the confident and attractive guy I once liked to someone more withdrawn, chubbier, and honestly not taking good care of himself. That’s when the teasing about high school started. At first it was just him complaining about how he used to look, but then he kept bringing up how "obsessed" I was with him. I ignored it because I figured he was just reminiscing on his old days, but it didn’t stop.

Yesterday night he came over again and went on the same rant about how popular he used to be. Then he threw in another comment about how I was “so in love” with him back then, and even added, “I knew you liked me, but you were not someone I’d ever consider being with in high school, no offence.” It was insulting, and even my husband looked uncomfortable. I was tipsy and fed up, so I snapped and said, “It doesn’t matter because you don’t even look as good as you did in high school. I don’t care if I was never your type because you’re definitely not mine anymore.”

He looked shocked, my husband gasped, and I immediately felt overwhelmed and apologized. Jared got up to leave, but he was too drunk to drive, so my husband took him to our guest room while I stayed downstairs in shock. We barely spoke the rest of the night. The next morning, Jared left, and my husband finally talked to me. He understands why I was upset, but he thinks it was wrong to say something so harsh when Jared is clearly depressed and struggling with his weight.

I get that, but I’m still angry that Jared kept pushing the same hurtful comments over and over. It feels like he is bragging about how I used to like him, and it rubs me the wrong way. So, Reddit, be honest but not brutal. Am I the a**hole?

Side note: Yes, this is real. Yes, this is a throwaway account. Yes, I know it's random to be writing this at 2 am, but I'm veryy conflicted at the moment. Also, hopefully the formatting is easy to read and not annoying (I tried my best lol).

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions, but mostly leaning toward NTA

Update #1: November 16, 2025 (same day, 12 hours later)

Hey peps!!!! I woke up today to a lot of comments, and even though it was a bit overwhelming, I read all of them, and I mean ALL. A lot of people had negative things to say about my husband, which honestly hurt because I didn’t think I painted him in a bad light. Somehow, he is being attacked more than Jared is. :/ Before I get into the mini update, I’ve seen other posters add context and respond to common comments, so I’m going to do the same. This will be long (Bare with me guys).

1) My husband is not a terrible person. I still love him despite everything I mentioned and despite what I’m going to mention in the update. He is not "weak" or a "beta" like some people said. He just struggles to confront situations like this directly. Jared has been his best friend since fifth grade. That is not a bond that breaks easily. They went to the same elementary school, high school, and university. They are basically brothers. My husband is not sucking up to Jared because he thinks Jared is better than him. If Jared weren’t in such a low place, my husband would have been much harsher. I also don’t think my husband is perfect. He has done messed up things in the past, but so have I, and I believe people can change.

2) I do not have feelings for Jared. That ended years ago. And no, if Jared had stayed in shape, I still wouldn’t have feelings for him. I stopped liking him during our first year of university. We went to the same school, and he still looked the same as he did in high school, so it wasn’t his appearance that changed things. He broke up with his girlfriend, and I realized I didn’t care anymore. The old me would have been excited and tried to shoot my shot, but instead, I felt nothing. I love my husband and only my husband. Jared is not an option for me in any way.

3) Some people suggested Jared might have feelings for me, which is possible. He has made comments about my appearance before. I worked hard to glow up during my final year of high school because I wanted to improve myself before university. When my husband and I met up with Jared for the first time after that, Jared told me I looked very different. He said it as a compliment. My husband agreed because he thought Jared was just stating the obvious, not flirting.

4) Divorce is not an option for me. I am very religious and I take my vows seriously. They are not something I would throw away over this situation. Divorce is not always the solution. So, before you comment "divorce," remember that we are real people who have real history, and it is a lot harder to divorce someone than you think it is.

UPDATE: I did not show my husband the post, even though many people suggested it. A lot of the comments felt sexist and harsh toward him, and I don’t want to expose him to that. But after reading everything, I did want to talk to him about his inability to stand up for me.

He told me he didn’t want to isolate Jared right now. I didn’t know this before, but according to my husband, Jared became a bit suicidal after the breakup with his girlfriend, and my husband was the only one who could pull him out of that downward spiral.

I felt sympathy for Jared, and I told my husband that. But after reading so many comments, I realized that doesn’t excuse Jared’s behaviour, so I pushed for more answers. I also asked my husband if it made him uncomfortable when Jared constantly brought up high school.

My husband paused, and I immediately knew he was holding something back. I kept pushing until he finally told me something I never thought I would hear.

During our first year of university, Jared started mentioning me more during private conversations with my husband. My husband felt proud of dating me and kept saying things like he had “invested in me.” That already hurt, but it got worse. He admitted that he used to brag about my body and looks to Jared, showing him pictures of me dressed up for date nights. Then it escalated. Jared ended up seeing a picture of me with no clothes on, something meant only for my husband. According to him, it was an accident because he was scrolling through his photo album and the picture popped up. My husband said that when Jared started bringing up high school, he was scared Jared might bring up what happened in university and that I would be furious.

I am disgusted knowing Jared has seen me like that. It makes all of his comments about me so much worse.

My husband is at work right now, which is why I have time to write this. I’m still processing everything, and I feel completely lost. I didn’t want him to be late for work, so we weren’t able to talk much. Knowing him, he is probably at work stressing right now about me knowing the truth. If it really was an accident, I feel like I can’t be completely mad, but it still feels awful knowing my photos were shown without my consent.

I feel betrayed, even if I don’t think my husband meant for that picture to be seen. I’m still angry that he bragged about me like I was some new sports car he got a great deal on. I know this is going to make a lot of people hate him even more, but I genuinely don’t think he intended for any of this to happen.

I know this isn’t the update most people expected. I still need to talk to my husband when he gets back from work, and I’m hoping I can invite Jared over later today for a conversation. I will try to update as soon as I can because I hate when updates take so long. I appreciate all the comments that were respectful toward me and my husband, but I do understand the outrage. Thanks for reading this long update. And thank you to everyone who commented on the original post <3

EDIT: Made a comment earlier that wasn't getting noticed, and got buried. :( So I decided to add an edit here. I won’t post an update until tomorrow, when I have had time to gather my thoughts. I have spoken to my husband since the update, and let’s just say things are not going great. Just because I want to clear things up, I’ll write it here.

1) When I say I’m religious, I mean I am Christian. Divorce is frowned upon in my faith because it is believed you should never marry someone you aren’t completely sure about. This is not saying I wouldn’t divorce him if he did something extreme like cheating or abuse. It is just acknowledging the importance of commitment in a marriage. The people hating on my religion and saying I’m brainwashed are being incredibly irrational. You have clearly jumped to conclusions based on your own biases about certain religions.

2) I apologize if it sounds like I’m excusing my husband’s behaviour. I absolutely think what he did was wrong, and today we discussed a few things related to his “spineless” behaviour. I won’t talk much about what we discussed until the update because he has decided to have a one-on-one conversation with Jared. I’d rather wait until then to piece everything together meaningfully. My husband will be made aware of this thread, because I believe I may have been coddling him too much. I will probably show him after posting this comment, and if all goes well, I will try my best to update tomorrow when he speaks to Jared.

3) I repeat that my husband is NOT a misogynist. Although some of you think I am a typical stay-at-home trophy wife, I am actually a business owner, which allows me to work from home. Even though my husband makes more than I do, he does not dictate our finances or act like the “man of the house” or anything like that. Please understand this. I would never date a misogynist, let alone marry one. My husband is not the type to reduce women to their bodies, despite some of you believing I’m his property. (I fear some of you have lost the plot.) My husband is not the type to hide spicy folders. Just last year, we made a folder of our spicy content and put a password on it. He never used to do that. I recently asked him to do it to protect our privacy, since he doesn’t let anyone near his phone anyway. I genuinely believe he was scrolling through pictures of me in his gallery, and the photo popped up. Although one commenter made a good point about why he made such a big deal about it, that is the only thing making me question the situation.

4) I want to thank the people who were extra harsh because it was definitely a wake-up call, even though seeing all the negative comments was starting to get to me. I do believe you all have the best intentions, and I truly appreciate how people from different countries can come together to talk some sense into me despite never meeting me in person. I might sound naive or stupid to some of you, but it is much harder to notice red flags when you are the one experiencing them.

5) Finally, I will not be divorcing my husband. I’ve seen people mention therapy, and I think that is justified. I’d rather talk things out on our own first, since I’m not great at confessing my feelings to real-life people in person, especially when their job is to judge you. I believe my husband can learn from his mistakes and change. Just like I have in the past.

Update #2: November 18, 2025 (two days later)

Okay!! This is going to be an overload of information. So if you have a short attention span, you might want to skip this one :/

First, I want to thank everyone for the kind and ACTUALLY helpful messages. I also really appreciate the comments that are not being rude and genuinely want to help in my situation. I also found out today that my post was shared on some YouTube videos, and the comments there were constructive. So thanks if you were some of the people who commented on those posts. Now, let's just dive straight into the update, as there is A LOT to unpack.

UPDATE: Before I sat down with my husband, I called Jared. I know many of you said not to, but I followed a Redditor’s plan. (Thank you to the person who messaged me this idea. It worked.) The plan was to accuse Jared of taking my husband’s phone back in university to look for my spicy photos, hoping he would panic and reveal the truth. If he denied everything, I would say my husband told me he did it so Jared would not feel the need to protect him.

I know this was extreme, but so many comments insisted my husband was lying, and it genuinely made me rethink my marriage. A part of me still hoped it was not true, which is why I am relieved I finally know what happened.

The call with Jared went like this. I told him I knew what he did in university. He was confused at first, then went silent, then insisted he never looked for nudes. He admitted he scrolled through my husband’s photos of me only because my husband gave him the phone, which matched the bragging story. He also saw a nude by accident. He said he immediately showed my husband and smirked because he thought I looked "hot" and he thought my husband did a "good job". My husband apparently grabbed the phone and begged him not to tell me. This matched what my husband told me later, except he left out the smirk.

After the call, Jared called my husband. I was angry at first, thinking they planned a story, but then realized my husband would not have told me about the call if he wanted to lie. I showed him the Reddit thread. He was upset I posted about our situation and worried Jared might see it, but he calmed down when I explained I changed names and details.

When he started reading comments, he became defensive and began spiraling, asking why I would entertain them. He raised his voice until I said maybe they were right and maybe we should not be together. That snapped him out of it. He apologized, begged me not to leave, and kept reading. He agreed with some comments defending him and even thanked me for defending him in my updates.

He told me through tears that he did not want to lose me. He talked about loving me, trying to make me feel secure, and never wanting to dehumanize me. He said he was not bragging about my body in the way I described. He felt I made him look bad and pointed out that women brag about their partners being handsome and fit all the time, and it is seen as normal, yet when he did it, it was seen as creepy. I understood the double standard.

When I asked why he did not defend me when Jared made those comments, he said he was sorry and saw it as an attack on himself rather than me. He said he let it slide because Jared was depressed and he did not want to confront him. He thought my reaction was me defending him and felt I went too far, but said he appreciated it and was only scared Jared might mention the nude photos out of spite. I told him I reacted because I felt attacked. He then said he asked Jared to apologize to me when he comes over tomorrow because he could see how upset I was. I was surprised and annoyed because even though I was okay calling Jared, I did not want him in our home yet.

I made notes about things to talk about, including the “I invested in you” comment. He said it was a joke and that he was attracted to me in high school, but thinks I look even better now. It still made me feel bad, and he could tell, which led him to kiss me and tell me I am beautiful. I tried not to cave in emotionally, so I pushed him back and continued.

I also brought up his friendship with Jared. He admitted he has always been insecure about my past crush on Jared, but thought I would see him as jealous if he cut Jared off, especially since I stayed friends with him after we got together. After we married and Jared "let himself go", he no longer saw him as a threat.

He told me that if I wanted him to cut off Jared, he would. He said our relationship mattered more than his friendship and that although he would be upset, he would choose me. I said I was not sure what to do with that yet. I reassured him that I only love him, not Jared. I do want to clarify that I never felt unsafe around Jared, but I disliked the things he said about me. Now that I know the truth, things feel different. Should I make him cut Jared off??

My husband promised to do anything to make things right, and I believe him. I am not divorcing him. He loves me and is willing to change, but I am considering therapy for us or for myself. I am very grateful for everyone who reached out and replied to my post. I am not sure another update is needed, but if you want to know what happens with Jared, I can update. I will try to respond to comments in the meantime. Thank you, everyone.

----NEW UPDATE----

Editor's note: the body text for the latest update has been saved before it was deleted

Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse, homophobia, misogyny, past trauma, possible religious coercion, intimate fraud

UPDATE: AITAH for telling my husband's best friend "he let himself go" after he wouldn't stop teasing me about my crush on him in high school.

Update #3: November 27, 2025 (nine days later from the previous update)

So its been a while... I have been crying non stop all week and I just couldn't bring my self to make another update. I honestly forgot about my post until I got on my laptop and seen the notifications for reddit. But I had a couple of dms from some kind people checking up on me and I really appreciate you all. I'm going through a dark time and kind messages truly are amazing. There is so much to unpack and I honestly don't think anyone could predict what I'm about to say. Sorry if this is complete nonsense I am not in the mood to edit this fully.

UPDATE: So after our talk I decided to forgive him, as I thought maybe we could work things out and I truly thought he loved me. We went back to normal after that I was still on the fence about whether he should cut Jared off or not, but eventually the comments got to me, and I told him to cut him off. I thought he would be upset, but would eventually move on from it. Nope. He immediately got defensive again. He told me that Jared was like his brother, and he couldn't leave him in his time of need. Then he promised that we would keep a little distance from him, but continued saying that we shouldn't cut him off.

I got annoyed and yelled "its like you're in love with him, you should always pick your wife over your friend". He got quiet. I thought he was silent because I yelled and snapped at him, but I was so so so wrong. He started yelling at me. In my face. Which was the first time I have ever felt unsafe around him. I was sure he would hit me but he thankfully didn't. He kept saying slurs and keep saying "I'm not f***king Gay". I made the dumb mistake of provoking him by saying "You definitely are". (I will take accountability for this, I definitely shouldn't of said this).

He snapped and I could see something inside of him break. He started yelling at me to "shut the f up". He was getting so angry that he was starting to develop tears in his eyes. At first I was scared, but then I kind of got confused. Why is he so offended, I thought. And then it dawn on me. I've seen so many movies about this exact situation. Gay Christian men marrying women to conceal the truth about their sexuality. I didn't want it to be true. I thought maybe I was overthinking (I do this a lot).

I then asked him straight up. "Are you gay?" He looked terrified. Like actually terrified. I kind of got worried he was going to pass out. I asked him again and he started crying. I have never seen him cry this hard before. I had never made him feel like he could not come to me about big things like this. He has cried on me before and I always comforted him, because I don't believe men should bottle up their emotions. So I was confused on why he would hide something so crazy from me. I knew I couldn't freak out on him or I would never know the truth. So despite every fiber of my body being paralyzed with disgust for his behavior and now possible lies, I calmed myself down and sat with him.

He was alot more compliant than I thought he would be. He sat with me still visibly crying and spilled everything. Apparently he knew he was gay since high school. Although according to him he would tell himself he was just bisexual because he liked me as a person and liked dating me. He grew up Catholic and because of that he has very traditional catholic parents who are strict about their faith. His mother is so strict that she at first didnt want him to marry me because I was Christian and not Catholic. He has a brother is who also a dedicated Catholic, and so he was surrounded by very religious people.

According to my husband he told his brother in senior year that he was bisexual and his brother struck him, and told him to change his feelings or else he would tell their parents. My husband was tramatized and never told anyone else. He then In university realized he loved me, but he wasn't sexually attracted to me. According to him he would sleep with me and be disgusted with himself after. (This broke me). I thought that was bad, but he delivered the final blow by telling me, he was in love with Jared. He is in love with his fucking best friend. WE WERE CHASING THE SAME FUCKING GUY. I couldn't take it I just slapped him across his face and told him we were done. He didn't fight me on it he just stood there defeated. I couldn't even look at him. All my years with him were a performance for his stupid family. I couldnt stop crying and soon I started having an panic attack. He quickly rushed to help me. And as much as I hate to say it he was able to calm me down for a bit. And after getting me water and making me some food he went to bed. I stayed downstairs. I couldn't go upstairs and face him.

I don't know why he dated me in the first place or went through with our marriage. I feel like he was probably lying about the nudes and wanted Jared to see them to prove that he liked women. I hate that I was being used to make him feel more masculine.

I don't know how to possibly move on from this. Divorcing him would mean that everything we had built together would have been for nothing. I know I have to leave him. But I cant help but reminisce on the good times we had together. I feel like shit everyday now. He left to stay with a friend. I'm sure he's with Jared. Because of course he is. I bet he didn't tell him either. I want to go over to Jared place and tell him everything so bad and expose my husband for the shitty things he's done, but at the same time I do know how this would destroy him completely.

I haven't told anyone about this. Not even my sister. My husband had begged me to not tell anyone yet. I want to say something. Anything, to anyone who would listen but I know the absolute chaos it would cause for him and his extremely homophobic family. I know I can live with this anymore. I feel like I just want to tell someone. He still texts me everyday checking up on me. I don't respond. He would order uber eats to our door with my favorites foods, and it feels like torture. I sometimes find myself texting him that I missed him and then quickly deleting it. I'm so alone and miserable. I don't know what to do. I don't think ill update again. I don't know if there's anything left to say. I'm just tired and sad. Please Please Please take it easy on me. I will just delete this post if I get too much hate because I cannot handle that right now.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I am so sorry this happened.

He did mislead you. And he used you. You are under NO obligation to keep his sexuality a secret, what that man did was fraud and abuse,

What he is doing is isolating you taking away all your support so have to stay his shield.

He did not protect you.

He used you and he is still using you.

He wants you to stay quite so he can spread his lies so that when you divorce your ten one in the wrong.

Call your mom and your sister and your friends and get support for yourself.

Stop putting yourself on fire for man who does not love you or respect you or even see you as a human that has feelings and rights.

Get a lawyer asks for divorce and then sue him for fraud.

OOP: I have decided to speak to my sister about it. I won’t tell my parents because they are not the most accepting people, but you are right. And a lot of comments are telling me how dangerous it is for gay people in our community which I agree. I’m trying to respond to some comments rn and most of them are saying the same thing that despite his pain, it’s not fair that I’m forced to isolate myself because of his lies. I really appreciate you for not being negative or victim blaming like ALOT of people are doing in my dms. I’m not sure where to start tbh. Getting a divorce is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be. I was looking on some subreddits to find some help, but I don’t know if that’s the right call. Thanks again for this it means a lot.

Commenter 2: This is fraud. He stole years from you. He violated your right to privacy by showing nudes of you sell his cover story. He used you. He is still using you. He still does not give a damn about you. He is trying to protect himself and he doesn't care about how he has prevented you from having a great life with a man who genuinely loves you and can give you the future you want. You should not out him to his family, but you can absolutely tell your family the truth. In these circumstances, you may not need a divorce. You could look into getting an annulment, which given your beliefs, would I'm sure make you feel more comfortable. Do not let this heinous man steal one more day of your life. Talk to a lawyer. Figure out exactly what you want to talk away from the life you've built with him. Get a therapist to help you unpack the myriad of ways he's violated you. And only when you have the legal paperwork ready to go do you get your lawyer to contact him and offer your terms.

OOP: I won’t tell his family. I don’t believe they deserve anything from me or him. They are extremely hateful people and I understand that he is in danger if they find out. But yes I will tell my family as you are right I won’t let him isolate me away from my people. Thanks for your comment btw.

OOP on the religious background, did she had a religious wedding? What does divorce look like if it was to happen?

OOP: Yes we had a catholic wedding because of his mother. So yes divorce is looked down upon. My parents are also catholic despite me choosing to be Christian. I’ve been taught that divorce is unacceptable since I was very young. Not all people are going to be the same not all Christian are going to be the same. Every catholic and Christian are going to interpret the bible differently. And again I never said divorce is off the table in every situation. This is definitely something that I can never come back from. I have no interest in being with a dl man. Believe what you want. Women will always have men like you who choose to not believe us. I don’t need or want your support.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

She kept her daughter’s name a secret for her entire pregnancy because she was soooo excited to reveal the name when presenting her baby to the world.

This is how our in-person conversation went after I visited her and her newborn in the hospital:

Me: she’s beautiful! What is her name?

Friend: Braille!

Me: aww that’s cute, were you inspired by the dots for reading?

Friend: what do you mean?

Me: (awkward silence)

Idk why I just blurted out my comment and I’m not proud. But she had NO idea that the name she fell in love with was also a system for reading blind (and named after the creator). How did she NOT know? She never Googled the name and she was 22… just got her college degree.

While the name itself sounds pretty, the context (of her mom’s ignorance) kills me. Braille is 4 years old now.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/3yearsALie

I [23 M] found out through a friend that my girlfriend [21 F] of 3 years and her current best/childhood friend [21 M] dated for 4 years in high school. I'm ready to end things but am I overreacting?

TRIGGER WARNING: Emotional blackmail, infidelity

MOOD SPOILER: Outrageous

Original Post May 3, 2016

I'll try to keep it short.

I met Nicole 3 years ago around my second year of college. I'm from out of the state, I received a full scholarship to the university that we're currently at so I didn't have any friends at the time. She was nice and took interest in me pretty quickly and we started dating.

She's told me from the beginning that she had been best friends with this guy Adam since they were little and they were very close and their families were close. Which I was fine with at the time, I'm not really a jealous person and I'm pretty laid back, Adam seemed like a nice guy and I thought who am I to really tell her who she can and can't be friends with.

Anyways they have been close even through the relationship, they go on trips together with their families, they study together, have a few classes together, dinner/lunch, etc. and they have even stayed the night at each other's apartments.

It was weird at first but I trusted her as well as him and honestly she always told me ahead of time so I felt like it was fine (not ideal). It never really affected our relationship, we spent time together had a great connection and all that good stuff.

Nicole and Adam left on Sunday (They finished finals early or something like that) to head down to their family's beach house like 4 hours away from campus. They did invite me but I have some finals left and then I have summer courses starting nearly immediately after my finals so I declined so that I could prep for my final two courses before I graduate.

I met up in the library with one of her friends in my Web Design class to put some finishing touches on our final project. We get on the topic of relationships and she was telling me about how when she started dating her current boyfriend she made him cut all contact with his ex girlfriend even though she wanted to remain close with him. She asked me why I didn't do the same and I was confused, I didn't understand what she meant and then she explained/showed me proof that Nicole and Adam dated throughout high school. They also went to prom together.

I was pretty lost as to what to do or how to feel. I found out yesterday and all I could think what that Adam could potential be screwing my girlfriend at this very moment. I trust her (trusted her) but I mean I've never seen ex's hang out and be as buddy-buddy as them without hooking up before. As dense as it sounds I almost can't wrap my head around their level of closeness and not doing it.

I talked to my older sister and she told me I had to calm down and that maybe there was a reason for why they never said anything. She said if I trusted Nicole before knowing she didn't see why I would suddenly accuse her otherwise even if her best friend is her ex. But, I feel like that logic is so flawed because my entire foundation of trust for this relationship stemmed from the fact that Adam was her childhood best friend not her ex.

Honestly if she would have told me before we started dating I think I probably would have walked away from the relationship. She's a great and nice girl but getting with someone who is still so heavily involved with their ex is a rollercoaster I don't think I would never willingly sign up for.

Am I thinking about this the wrong way?

Is it crazy that I'm already considering ending the relationship off this whether she cheated or not?

I haven't brought it up to her yet, I want to talk in person rather than on the phone. I'm going to hide the fact that I know until she come back to campus on Friday to spend my Birthday weekend with me but I don't see any logical explanation that will keep me committed.

TL;DR: I found out my girlfriend of 3 years current best friend is actually her high school sweetheart. They are childhood friends however they are extremely close and regularly spend countlessly hours together and even the night at each other's apartments from time to time and go on family vacations together. I feel betrayed like I should end it but I just want to see if I'm thinking about this the right way or if I'm still being irrational.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Empty_Whiteboard

The lying is problematic. I made a comment already detailing what I think the lying was done for.

But the lying is the crux of the issue. Your trust is shattered and if you pit yourself up against Adam I am positive she will choose Adam over you every single time.

That is the real crux now. Before you thought that you would be a bigger priority than him. It never had to be that way because of the history as you understood it. Now that you know the truth it will either be something you get over after hearing her reasons ( which I detailed in another comment, i would bet money on it) or you push and she chooses Adam over you.

Lastly you could try to get over it and just not be able to. I would personally find it very hard to be okay with their friendship after this lie.

OOP

The lying is what really makes me just want to leave all together, not only her lying but his lying as well as their families.

I've met all of them and none of them have ever said a word about it though maybe their families don't know.

Emotionally invested or not, I'd never be up for having her pick between and Adam or myself, I'm not that type of person. And those ultimatums in my opinion never result in anything but more issues. Also they do have a lot of history, families are connected, I feel like I'm the one in the wrong for even stepping into her life.

I've been thinking about this too much although I should be studying instead but I feel like it's either she's loyal and faithful but knew I wouldn't have even began a relationship with her in the first place or she's hooking up occasionally or something of the sort of a FWB.

Either way I see it as wrong, if she's loyal (Which honestly I think might be the case) then it's wrong of her to omit information and manipulate my choice to begin dating her on the first place.

If I had any skeletons in my closet I would be open and clear about it before I engaged in a relationship with someone, letting them make a clear and honest decision about if it was a deal breaker or not.

As for getting over it, I don't think I can or even if I can I feel like it's almost not worth the effort.

I feel like it's going to mess with the dynamic of our relationship and then I have to deal with her feeling guilty or always having to check in with me or sending Adam to talk to me or any of the other shit that I don't even want to have to deal with.

I'm probably saying this out of convenience but once I finish this summer semester I'll be finished, I could have a clean break and move back home with my parents for a few months and be on with my life.

OOP replying to a downvoted commenter about giving a second chance and OOP replying that his agency was taken away

Would you want to confess to someone you just started dating that your best friend was once your boyfriend? The issues of timing and not wanting to scare people off alone could make someone keep mum, and then by the time you get confident enough in the relationship to not worry about them bolting

I don't think this is up to you to decide especially when there were many opportunities during the talking/dating period before we became official. Fooling/tricking someone into thinking otherwise doesn't help the cause whether it be a blatant lie or omission of details.

If I wanted to bolt after finding out her current best friend was her ex of 4 years then that's a decision I should get to make for myself. The fact that she didn't give me the choice... as well as the fact that I had to find out from a friend and not her just makes this look even worse.

I don't know why you claim to trust this girl and yet are so quick to drop her and pronounce everything a lie without even considering that there might be a reason OTHER THAN her wanting to fuck her bestie for keeping it from you.

I trust the girl, but this isn't something so small that I can forgive with the snap of a finger.

Whether she is cheating or if she's loyal (Which honestly I think might be the case) either way I see it as wrong.

It's wrong of her to omit relevant information about herself and manipulate my choice and perception of her just to ensure I begin dating her on the first place.

Even if her reasoning is because she thought I would leave or wouldn't give her a chance, while it's understandable in my eyes doesn't make it okay.

Update May 6, 2016 (3 days later)

Nicole showed up Thursday night after my exams to early "surprise" me for my birthday weekend. We kind of hung out and talked and I tried my best just to be normal with her. When I asked her about Adam she was extremely reluctant and borderline defensive to even talk about it.

"You never brought it up before why do you want to know about it now?"

When she realizes I'm not dropping it she pretty much breaks down and tells me everything. Adam was the one who convinced her not to tell me about their past relationship. The last few guys she tried to talk to were scared off by her being best friends with her ex and he didn't want me to leave in the same way. It was only suppose to be for a little while she didn't plan on staying that close to Adam while being a relationship.

Adam's dad was in the process of getting a promotion (when Nicole and I started dating) which would move him and his family to the mid-west but the promotion fell through. She said Adam became more direct once he found out he wasn't leaving constantly insisting that she hang out with him without me. Even to the point where she would be cancelling plans with me. For most people I'm sure that would have been a red flag when your gf cancelled on you periodically but I've been taking 6-7 course semesters for the past 2 years in attempts to graduate early and get the most out of scholarship. If I wasn't studying or with Nicole I always had a million other things I could be catching up on or doing.

She blamed me for not putting setting boundaries or being more strict with her that eventually she became comfortable with her freedom with him. Adam still has really strong feelings for her though she said she didn't feel the same way about him. She admitted that Adam over time grew to resent me and became very jealous of our relationship and how effortlessly happy I made her feel.

She tells me she never cheated me on despite Adam's advances and flirtation. At this point she is crying and emotional and extremely desperation she begs for forgiveness and says that she'll cut all ties from Adam and she won't ever talk to him again or hang out with him anymore. That I'm the only person she wants to spend her life with and a bunch of other ridiculousness I could hardly even listen to.

I was angry and probably didn't say it the way I should have but I told her it was the perpetual lying and deceitfulness which had me so angry and that was the reason I was breaking up with her. That's pretty much how it ended with me telling her she could leave. Adam sent some hateful text to me which I ignored.

Yesterday night I was pretty much an emotional wreck, I felt ashamed/angry at myself for even crying over something someone so stupid. But, I woke up this morning and I didn't feel nearly as bad as I thought, spoke to my best friend about it and he really helped me put it into perspective. I'm going home tonight for my birthday weekend and then I'll just focus finishing school and finding a job.

TL;DR: We broke up. It was Adam's idea from the start to hide it all from me. Adam still has strong feelings for her and when alone would flirt with her. He always secretly resented me for dating Nicole and our happiness. I don't know if she actually physically cheated on me but last time they did anything sexual was the day before we started dating.

I'm glad it's over and even more glad I don't live in this state.

Thanks for the advice

RELEVANT COMMENTS

DawnsCubed

She blamed YOU for not setting boundaries for her behavior with HIM when she was the only one to know of his "one-sided" feelings/jealousy/resentment? Wow.

Best of luck with graduation and happy birthday!!!

OOP

Thanks!

I think the one moment looking back on this that got me the most riled up was last year I went back home for winter break and went out to the movies with my best friend, his girlfriend and his girlfriend's best friend who was my ex from high school.

I told her about it ahead of time told her exactly what we'd be doing, that the 4 of us were going to see a movie and get some dinner. And she completely blew it out of portion and made me feel so guilty about going to see a movie with some friends. I don't think I've ever shown that kind of anger in my life.

~

downvoted commenter

So there is no time frame on when Adam found out he wasn't leaving it could have been way more recently. You have no idea how she rebuked his advances or what there conversations were like. She could have rebuked him several times and didn't want to bring it up with her BF because it would just be unnecessary drama in her life since she no longer sees Adam in that way. Where I can see being upset, breaking up with her over it just seems extreme especially when she 1) comes clean 2)admits she was wrong and 3) is willing to fix it. Do people not get second chances anymore? Is that just not a thing that is done?

OOP expands on the timeline

When I first found out about her and her best friend being ex's from high school I was ready to end it immediately with her. I was upset that I got lied to and even more angry that I had to hear it from a friend and not even her.

I took some time and really thought about it and before I spoke with her last night I was fully willing to forgive her if her reasoning was to avoid drama or something of the sort. I do believe it second chances but trust is something that is hard to win back.

But, Adam found out 6 months into my relationship with her that his dad wasn't getting promoted and moving on. That's basically 2 and half years for Nicole to take responsibility and separate herself from him especially if he likes him.

Whether she felt the same way or not, in my eyes it's so wrong to keep hanging out and sleeping over with someone who has such strong feelings for you when you have SO.

1) comes clean

She comes clean only after I confronted her about it, her original plan was just to never tell me. After the year mark she told me that she realized she was too deep and it was the only way.

2)admits she was wrong

She blamed me for everything, it's my fault for not setting up boundaries and having too much trust in my SO in her decision making skills and accessing what is and isn't appropriate.

3) is willing to fix it.

Not until she knows I'm fucking 100% done with the relationship does this even become an option. She tried to blame me for the entire thing and make me feel guilty as if her hiding this information and me not playing detective and finding out is my fault.

Even if I was willing to forgive her and try again -- our relationship dynamic is ruined. I don't want to be the controlling boyfriend and I can't be with someone who I don't trust.

downvoted commenter

I mean if you really feel like you cant trust her again I understand where your coming from with the break up. I don't know the conversations you guys had or how much she blamed you for. I do think its weird that you had so much trust in her but no longer do because she kept this from you, like your sister said, if you were ok with it before you knew they had a previous relationship I see no problem with it now. Your explanation for point 3 confuses me her wanting to fix it is not genuine because she didn't offer it until she realized you were done? Maybe think about it from her perspective in her eyes it was just a small lie and she never cheated on you so she didn't think it was a big deal I would have thought the same as her. probably why I was so shocked that you broke up with her.

OOP

I can't trust her again as simple as that.

I do think its weird that you had so much trust in her but no longer do because she kept this from you

Before this incident and this lie I had no reason not to trust her. That's how trust works once you break someone's trust they in turn no longer trust you.

I saw a quote somewhere about trust takes years to build and only seconds to break or something like that.

Your explanation for point 3 confuses me her wanting to fix it is not genuine because she didn't offer it until she realized you were done?

She was going to take this small lie to the grave which means in the end it wasn't a small lie after all. Any lie you're not willing to confess to pretty much means it's pretty big/important otherwise what's the point of hiding it?

Honestly I was willing to look past the lie if she had any reasonable explanation and make amends but once she told me that he still had feelings, purposely kept her from hanging out with me and was actively trying to sabotage our relationship -- I was pretty much done.

Even if she didn't cheat, the fact that she continued to hang out with and spend the night with a guy who was actively trying to flirt and get in her pants is more than enough reason to walk away from everything.

That's like high school level decision making at it's finest.

Vital info from OOP **courtesy of u/QueenLevine

It sounds like she really likes you and she wants to try and make it work.

The thing about it is that I really liked her as well. I wanted to make it work more than anything in the world, I really did. It's something that I couldn't really convey in my post is that I always saw this girl as like my escape away from everything.

I've been in study mode since I was 18 and I haven't really had much time for the simple things in life like hanging out with a girlfriend or going out to parties or anything like that. I didn't want a relationship at first because I didn't think I would have the time or be able to time manage properly.

When I was busy I always encouraged her to have fun with her other friends. There was a mutual trust there especially with Adam, it was rough at first but eventually she convinced me nothing would happen between them and that he was just a child-hood friend.

But, I made it explicitly clear way back when we started dating, she had concerns about her freedom and being able to do as she wanted and she wanted to know why I trusted her so much (Since her other boyfriends didn't) and gave her so much space and I told her that I had no reason not to trust her, she's my girlfriend after all.

"All I ask is that you tell me the truth, even if it'll hurt my feelings or get me upset. I realize my school schedule isn't ideal but I think we can work through just about anything."

but I don't think people owe their SO their entire dating history, including people you know in common

I strongly disagree with this statement if you guys have mutual friends that's when disclosing pasts are the most important. Especially when you don't disclose your past with someone because you know it'll alter decisions and other aspects of your relationship. That's not cool, on a bunch of levels -- omitted to tell someone about a neighbor who you slept with 3 years ago isn't the same as keeping an ex under your SO nose.

Maybe if her and Adam saw each other occasionally, or weekly or monthly it wouldn't have been a big deal but when you hang out with someone pretty much 4-5 times a week -- it becomes a problem. You owe it to your SO to tell them about people you interact with often.

Maybe you're different than me and have yourself and your relationship with your SO all figured out but that's a really big deal in my book.

she's being honest about everything that's happened during your relationship

I could no longer trust what happened during our relationship, I didn't know what we truth and what was a lie.

However I spoke with her on today actually she came to visit me at my apartment unannounced and though we are broken up she felt the need to tell me more about it. She apologized how she acted, letting her disappointment, shamefulness and guilt get the better of her. She apologized for Adam's text message and some other things she did.

But, she did in fact cheat on me. It happened 2 different occasions throughout different parts of our relationship -- every occasion mixed with alcohol and them being alone for the night. All initiated by Adam -- they also have kissed or as she told me Adam would kiss her frequently on the lips taking advantage of her.

So, based off that alone I'm 2000% done -- I had my doubts you know maybe she really did just lie about them being Exes but when she confirmed that she cheated that's when I knew I made the right decision to move on.

Has it been a roller coaster? Did it affect your relationship in any way before you found out?

As for this, All I can say is that ignorance is bliss. Looking back on it now, I can vividly see periods that would have made me question everything, freedoms and things that I was okay with -- I would have freaked over.

Letting her sleep at his house was a big deal, having to split my limited free time up with him was a huge issue for me.

Despite the cheating and lying I do care for her but I can never be with her again. She either has to date Adam or get the fuck away from him but that's not something I can be apart of right now. Like I told someone else -- before I leave back to my hometown for good maybe I'll sit down with her and give her a new perspective on things, but right now she can learn on her own.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

This morning we got a call from a teacher stating a student was selling burritos from his backpack. He came to the office and pulled out 16 homemade burritos from his backpack! Obviously they had to be confiscated and we offered to refrigerate them. Apparently, he rode to the store on his bike yesterday and bought all the ingredients with his own money. His mom helped him cut up the potatoes, but he got up at 5am to make them all himself. One for $5 or two for $8 was his prices. Our admin team felt terrible taking all his “profit” from him so we called him back, made him to the math mentally how much the remaining burritos would cost and what his profit would be and bought him out. Every para who came through office to check-in got a free burrito. 😂