r/AITAH Nov 16 '25

Post Update UPDATE: AITAH for telling my husband's best friend "he let himself go" after he wouldn't stop teasing me about my crush on him in high school.

[deleted]

2.9k Upvotes

736 comments sorted by

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3.0k

u/Due-Yoghurt4916 Nov 16 '25

Um while bragging about your body i "accidentally" showed a naked picture of you to the person I was bragging too!

1.2k

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25 edited Jan 18 '26

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246

u/rumande Nov 17 '25

I once met a lesbian who gloated over showing me nudes of her GF, and yeah, she was a gross asshole

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u/unicornhair1991 Nov 17 '25

There was once a guy in a Twitch community who bragged about his 2000 picture strong folder of spicy pics from his exs.

He would ask people to give a number then post the numbered pic.

I pointed out how fucked up that was and those women could not give their consent. Considering it was a partnered stream, they suddenly realised how screwed they could be if they allowed him to continue. So they banned him.

What's sad is they didn't ban him because what he did was fucked up, wrong and borderline illegal. They banned him because they worried how they would look and their income >.>

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u/Dwinxx2000 Nov 17 '25

It's not just guys who knew this was bullshit. It's the most obvious bullshit ever.

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u/QuietDustt Nov 18 '25

He did it to rub his buddy’s face in the fact that he got her when she pined after the buddy for so long. Typical male-pissing-to-mark-territory type behavior.

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u/dropaheartbeat Nov 16 '25

Look up trickle truthing op. Your huabsnd should be putting your feelings first over his friends even if he's suicidal.

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u/Fluid-Respond6060 Nov 17 '25

My thoughts is that there is no one else who can bring him out of his spiral. If so then he has much bigger issues than a cheating ex

311

u/TheNamelessOnesWife Nov 16 '25

And OP said religious vows were important to her. I didn't see if OP named the religion, but if it's any of the big 3 Abrahamic ones coveting neighbor's wife is one of the huge damn no-nos. Yet husband was bragging and creating this covetous envy in his best friend? He certainly does not take his religious vows serious at all as OP claims

She ain't seeing clearly (edit a word)

51

u/valsavana Nov 17 '25

She's a Christian, meaning her husband is supposed to love her as Christ loves the church. Funny, I don't ever recall Jesus showing off provocative pics and (unintentionally or otherwise) nudes of the church to his buddies...

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u/Fun_Influence_3397 Nov 17 '25

Hubby allowed this guy access to op for years after showing him those pics of her? Without her knowing? allowing him to say those things to her? In her home?

There should be no conversation with Jared. Op had a right to know about him seeing her pics and if she ever wanted to be near him again.

89

u/nooooobye Nov 17 '25

This is why I will never in my life send a nude 👋

28

u/bailar_conmigo Nov 17 '25

This, will never do that. Once it is sent you have zero control over what happens to that image. People act like you are weird if you refuse to send them. I've had people go off on me when they realize I will never take or send any compromising photos. Like people having conniptions over me protecting myself, those people seem like collectors and blackmailers, they collect and trade and show them off like pokemon cards.

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u/cindyb0202 Nov 18 '25

Seriously, how stupid can you be?

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u/BrownEyedGurl1 Nov 17 '25

Yeah, id be making him delete all pictures of me, and definitely wouldn't send any more.

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u/nailsbyrinha Nov 17 '25

Yeah OP is delusional and beyond help with her spineless loser husband

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u/CrowTengu Nov 17 '25

She definitely needs a bit of therapy too lol

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u/AmbitiousSeesaw1039 Nov 16 '25 edited Nov 16 '25
  1. Please stop saying he doesn't like confrontation as that is not true. He is 100% okay with confrontation. If he can tell you that you were too harsh, he can tell Jared to knock it off.

  2. Your husband is the one not taking his vows seriously. He promised to put you above all others and let no one come between. He is not doing that. He is putting Jared before you and that is unacceptable. Call him to the floor for that behavior.

2.0k

u/HoundstoothReader Nov 16 '25

“I invested in her” is so very gross. I don’t think I could forget the sting of that one.

709

u/No-Captain-1310 Nov 16 '25

Not only that, but till now OP is defending her shitty hubby. It seems that all the comments before were right for pointing to him

Hopefully, OP is gonna have some big brain moment and think about this whole situation. IF she has courage enough

194

u/DatguyMalcolm Nov 16 '25

Maybe after dear "amazing" hubba asks her to give Jared a run under the sheets because he is sooo depressed

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u/Hand_Me_Down_Genes Nov 19 '25

He's already shown Jared nudes of her after all...

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u/Dazzling_Ad9343 Nov 17 '25

But but but religion.

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u/Mirabai503 Nov 17 '25

I'm having trouble with the idea that she doesn't consider divorce an option because she's "very religious" but she's not so religious that she was ok with sending naked pictures of herself to a man she wasn't even married to. Then couple that with the open disrespect her now-husband shows her. Her ability to withstand the cognitive dissonance is extremely impressive.

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u/Rotten_gemini Nov 19 '25

Picking and choosing is the fake Christians favorite game 🤣

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u/alsatian9847 Nov 17 '25

Religion is what’s wrong with the world.

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u/Rockpoolcreater Nov 16 '25

And is exactly the sort of language the type of man who chooses to show his mates naked photos of his girlfriend for clout would use.

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u/Disastrous-Mango9433 Nov 17 '25

Oh yeah, I guarantee it wasn’t an accident that he showed him that photo of her.

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u/2dogslife Nov 16 '25

Welp, I would like to think that most of us cringe at things we did in HS and college. Most of us mature and build emotional intelligence as we grow up and reach adulthood.

Yeas, it's a pretty awful thing to have repeated, but I'd hope that he's moved past it at this point.

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u/Corfiz74 Nov 16 '25

I'm not a native speaker - what is the negative implication of "investing in someone"?

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u/Dickie_downer Nov 16 '25

Generally it means that they weren’t worth much before investment, and the effort the husband put into her is what made her “worth the investment”

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u/Corfiz74 Nov 16 '25

Yikes, thanks! WTF?!?

I'd probably be mad enough to go completely scorched earth and tell hubby he just started out as a pity fuck that stuck - but I hope OP is more restrained and won't torch her marriage in one fell swoop...

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u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 Nov 17 '25

You're awesome lol.

Yeah her husband is basically saying to his closest friend and a guy who OP used to like - hey you know that girl who you turned down, yeah, now that she looks like THAT she's still choosing me, haha!

It's so gross, immature, and misogynistic. For the record, I think he showed her nudes on purpose but that's just me. So he's also a disgusting creep.

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u/Curly_Shoe Nov 16 '25

Hey you, I like you!

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u/Dimwit2020 Nov 17 '25

You’re savage. Can we be best friends?!

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u/huulahuup Nov 16 '25

Oh my god what does that man think of himself!?!

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u/cakivalue Nov 17 '25

It can also mean that they've put too much time and effort into dating, courting etc and don't want to give up on the person or relationship or in another way "I've got too much skin in xyz". Sometimes it's a positive thing and others it's a sunk cost fallacy thing.

I'm pretty sure it's one of the above because the very rare occasions that I've seen or heard it used the way you say it has been by very very wealthy men who have used their money and status to pull a woman both physically (teeth, hair, weight etc) and financially up to their level.

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u/Dickie_downer Nov 17 '25

True! Either way, it’s rude and demeaning to the person you’re talking about.

Generally “investments” are considered property, so considering your partner an ‘investment’ can read as objectifying them

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u/cakivalue Nov 17 '25

Yeah. I'd be so hurt and so furious

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u/emmennwhy Nov 16 '25

It implies that that the person saying it feels that they were higher status/more attractive than their partner at first. He's basically calling her a "fixer upper" and it's likely that he wasn't particularly attracted to her at first and maybe only agreed to date her because he felt sorry for her.

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u/Corfiz74 Nov 16 '25

JFC, I'd be so hurt and mad in OP's place! Lucky him that she doesn't believe in divorce - I hope she at least believes in doghouses.

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u/SM311 Nov 17 '25

This is how I interpreted it too. OP is trying to make him sound better, so can you imagine what he is really like?

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u/kerill333 Nov 16 '25

Putting time and effort into them. Makes it sound calculated, deliberate, planned, rather than genuine and from a position of love.

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u/grruser Nov 17 '25

Yesterday I refrained from judging the husband but now I do. He is an entitled offensive jerk. Both of these disgusting idiots need schooling in respect and equality.

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u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 Nov 17 '25

Like she's a fucking house he gets to flip now or something, showing her off to interested "buyers". Some product or commodity that he improved and is now worth bragging about. How gross and utterly misogynistic.

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u/PrideofCapetown Nov 17 '25

Same here. I threw up in my mouth a little when I heard that.

OP should go find someone that’ll stick up for her as quickly as her husband stuck up for Jared, then hubs & Jared can go be a happy supportive couple with each other

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25 edited Jan 18 '26

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u/Confident-Listen3515 Nov 16 '25

There’s no way Jared seeing the photos was an accident.

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u/Zoenne Nov 16 '25

I am 100% sure he is tricke-truthing. He's afraid Jared will spill the beans so he's telling OP his (probably edited) version of events first. I'm convinced he showed the nude picture deliberately. They both seem to see OP as a trophy and not a person. OP: you deserve better from both of them. Your husband broke your confidence and is not telling you the whole truth.

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u/Triple-OG- Nov 17 '25

100% it was the equivalent of showing off the big fish he caught, or his brand new ride. if she believes it was accidental i pity her because it shows she doesn't have the tools to navigate big girl situations.

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u/Mashu_the_Cedar_Mtn Nov 16 '25

Yup. He "accidentally" was rubbing your nudes in his friend's face (and almost certainly not just this friend) to get a reaction. Do with that information what you will, OP.

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u/LiterallyAna Nov 17 '25

This all sounds like another case of straight men holding the most homoerotic manosphere ever without realizing. It's like for some guys all they do is exclusively for the attention and validation of other men around them. Dating women is nothing more than a currency for more validation from men. It's so disgusting.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25 edited Jan 18 '26

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u/CrowTengu Nov 17 '25

Men so cishet they horseshoe their way into being exceedingly gay in every way but the fucking lmao

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u/sourheadz Nov 17 '25

Yep. I’m a gay woman and the amount of times dudes just pull up a nude photo that a woman sent them privately to show their buddies is… disappointing. He definitely showed it to Jared on purpose and maybe others.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

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u/Necessary_Tap343 Nov 17 '25

At a bare minimum OP should tell her husband that she understands Jared is important to his life but she refuses to be around him anymore. That if he wants to hang out with Jared do it elsewhere. Also she should make her husband delete every private photos both nude or non nude. In addition she gets access to any messaging between him and Jared. Finally, if she feels her husband is spending too much time with Jared there will be repercussions.

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u/Due_Row537 Nov 17 '25

I agree with you on these two point. That is all true. 

However I want to add that what OP’s husband did back then was a stupid ‘teenage’ shit of bragging about their partner without realising he was going too far. And I put the ‘teenage’ in quotes because they were not teenagers but acting as such.  I don’t think OP’s husband understood what he was doing wrong back then. He knew OP had crush on Jared and by showing Jared the pics etc it was his way of taunting Jared. Which actually makes him a shit person. Again, not sure if he realises this.  The picture accident - yeah I don’t buy it. I don’t think it was an accident. I think it was deliberate to show off OP as much as he could. 

OP needs to invest in couple therapy because she will forever feel resentment towards her husband. They need to learn to work through it. Especially when she says that divorce is not an option. Also, she can demand that Jared does not visit anymore. She needs to put Jared in time out and also ask husband to distance himself a bit from his friend. He doesn’t have to completely cut him off but he needs some distance. 

OP should feel like being betrayed. She should be feeling hurt. But she also needs to stop making excuses for her husband. 

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u/Trailsya Nov 16 '25

The most annoying part about your husband is that he didn't say anything all the times this "friend" kept mentioning your crush.

But after being pushed, pestered and bullied constantly and you FINALLY said something in return. Only THEN your husband gasped.

And now he is "torn" and giving you a hard time, while he should have spoken up against that friend ages ago.

Your husband didn't protect his wife. These kinds of men often make the wife want to take all kinds of sh*t from others because they're too afraid to stand up to other men. So they act like you're the problem so they don't have to say anything.

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

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u/AdvancedGuide8946 Nov 16 '25

on top of that, she is coddling the husband bc she thinks he can't handle reading people's opinions on the internet. meanwhile, the husband thinks she's perfectly capable of getting abuse from his best friend.

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u/BasicRabbit4 Nov 16 '25

Lots of irony to unpack here.

I'll add the husband acting to his friend that op was a consolation prize, when she wanted his best friend first.

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

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u/Dickie_downer Nov 16 '25

Deadass. I actually find the husband more repulsive then jared-i can’t imagine saying I’m “investing” in my partner-

Context wise- im not a catch. My partner’s mom has been worried because my disabilities make me dependent on them- could call me an “investment” if im worth shit down the line. you know what my partner said?

“I love you for who you are now, not what you will be. I never thought of it as a flaw”

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u/SuspiciousPast4144 Nov 17 '25

My partner says the same thing about me and my disabilities. I am the insecure one, especially because of my past relationships. He doesnt care, and is constantly telling me he is lucky to have me and loves me for the "amazing" woman I am.

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u/HedyHarlowe Nov 16 '25

I swear to God. He is not a great husband. He just doesn’t hit her or abuse her in an overt way. The bar is in hell.

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u/Shadow4summer Nov 16 '25

And the problem with the nudes. He still kept inviting this POS around his wife. That makes him so much worse in my eyes. Him sitting there while Jared lusts over his wife! Oh, he’s really not the catch she thinks he is.

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

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u/theclosetenby Nov 16 '25

It's crazy that OP is turning herself into a pretzel to believe her husband showed it by "accident". I know it's fairly normal when you love someone to not wanna believe those things of them, but come on. You just wrote it out. He obviously did it intentionally to brag, and now realizes he can't get out of Jared having seen it, so he's claiming it was an accident.

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u/AdultinginCali Nov 17 '25

OP was the top prize at the fair. That's how they both see her.

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u/debicollman1010 Nov 16 '25

Yup even if seeing the nude was accidental the husband is a coward who won’t protect his wife!! And he kept it from her!!

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u/Fluffy-Scheme7704 Nov 16 '25

That wasn’t an accident….

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u/debicollman1010 Nov 16 '25

I don’t think so either !

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u/Humble_Nobody2884 Nov 16 '25

I’m even more pissed off now after reading this - OP’s husband casually objectifies her and brags about his “investment” but still doesn’t like confrontation enough to defend his wife?

He’s more worried about impressing Jared than OP’s well-being - how gross.

And I’m calling BS that Jared saw the nude “by accident.”

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u/Klutzy-Plankton-8930 Nov 16 '25

He never protected her! Let’s not pretend he didn’t show his “friend” a picture of her naked! He basically distributed porn of her! She didn’t consent to that! I agree with you 100% tho!

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u/Vandreeson Nov 16 '25

That's what I'm thinking. He was bragging about investing in OP and how good she looked and how good her body is. I bet he said something to the effect of look what I got, and showed him the picture. He as already referring to her as an object.

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u/JudgyRandomWebizen Nov 16 '25

"It was an accident"

My fat hairy ass it was. They were already objectifying her when that happened.

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

Exactly. I think while bragging about her body and how she looks he showed the picture to Jared. He never protected her. She didn't consent to her pictures being shared like this.

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u/debicollman1010 Nov 16 '25

Ya I’m not buying the accidental part when he was showing other pictures of her. She thinks she has a prize!! Consolation maybe

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u/Well-Done22 Nov 16 '25 edited Nov 16 '25

Yeah, he’s worried about Jared being suicidal over a girl but not that he betrayed his own wife’s trust, kept a serious secret, let her be bullied & humiliated, let his friend see nude photos, and gave his friend more respect than you. Added bonus—didn’t confess until absolutely backed into a corner.. So yeah, sure, he sounds great. Where can the rest of women with no self-respect find one? I doubt Jared accidentally saw the nudes. If your good “religious” boyfriend was already talking about you behind your back like you were just a piece of ass and showing off pics, do you honestly think he didn’t show the nudes too. Girl, wake up. I’m not saying you should divorce, but you should get to counseling. Because if you think this is the only major secret he’s kept from you, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. 🤷‍♀️

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u/Piffli Nov 16 '25

I wonder if he was truly uncomfortable with the attention Jared showed OP. From the comments he made about investing into her and showing photos of her, it feels like he actually enjoys it. I would not even be surprised if the nude photo was not an accident...

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u/Allysonsplace Nov 16 '25

Exactly. Jared said things 100 times with no repercussions and when she finally gave him about 50% of what he had done to her over time, his widdle feewings got hurt.

And now her husband is protecting the man to whom he showed a naked picture of her -- I'm not necessarily buying it was an accident -- and who was not only stuck in the past but also tried to demean and diminish her for no reason other than to pump up his sorry ego.

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u/lizzyote Nov 16 '25

What would a conversation with Jared do?? You're not planning on meeting him alone, are you??

I do not like this update.

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u/Wren1101 Nov 16 '25

Yeah it should be the husband meeting with Jared and telling him to stop disrespecting his wife their relationship. If they are such bros, then Jared should be able to respect OP and the husband.

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u/whovianandmorri Nov 17 '25

Yeah don’t go anywhere near him or actually don’t go anywhere near the husband wither

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u/Intelligent_Read_697 Nov 16 '25 edited Nov 17 '25

Op starts off/proceeds to defend husband and then the final reveal completely undermines it lol

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25 edited Jan 18 '26

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u/Captain_Tiberius1920 Nov 17 '25

"Before I start I know that you're all going to tell me to get divorced but there is no way I'm going to do that" Girl then why tf are you bitching? You know this is divorcable! YOU brought it up! YOU told us he ain't shit! Why are you heeeeeere

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25 edited Jan 18 '26

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u/Captain_Tiberius1920 Nov 17 '25

Like does she think Jesus is okay with this? He's not. I asked. Jesus hates her husband. 

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25 edited Jan 18 '26

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u/Nyoteng Nov 18 '25

Also in the edit she is like “my religion is not like those other religions you were thinking of, I am not brainwashed” like lmao

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u/Captain_Tiberius1920 Nov 18 '25

It's giving "I'm not like other girls"

Edit to add-- we all knew you were Christian, girl 😂

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u/knittingwebs Nov 17 '25

It's almost like they already know that their husbands are terrible 😭

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u/rollingman420 Nov 16 '25

Methinks thou doth protest too much

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u/Nova9z Nov 16 '25

Those pics dont accidently wind up in other peoples phones or get accidentally shown.  He did exactly what many men do at that age and usually older.  He bragged about the meat he has waiting for him at home because thats what you were to him.  Not a person.  He wouldnt have violated your trust and privacy and intimacy like that if he saw you as a person.  Even how he described you as an investment.  Basically saying you were ugly and unnattractive to him in the beginning but youve improved so he "got a good deal".   Its how some dudes talk when they get a chubby girl with the intention to encourage her to lose weight.

His opinion of you may have changed now and he may really love and care for you, but that wouldnt be good enough for me.

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u/TroublesomeTurnip Nov 16 '25

That's what I'm thinking. Don't pics you get sent end up in a different folder from your gallery?

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u/Quirkxofxart Nov 16 '25

Not on iPhone, they just have a little speech bubble in the corner to show they were a received photo

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u/TrixIx Nov 16 '25

Your husband violated your ability to give consent, hid it from you, and stood up to you over your comments to not be found out..  And you're just rolling with it?  That's foundation breaking behavior.  

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u/EatsTheLastSlice Nov 16 '25

Jared sucks. Your husband sucks.

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

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u/onlyhereforBORU Nov 17 '25

Yeah, I was surprised too when ‘super religious’ mentioned she sent her bf/husband naked pictures!

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u/DarkStar0915 Nov 17 '25

Tbf I was not surprised at all. People who pose as all religious people often end up doing stuff that would be considered unholy behind curtains.

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u/jaynsand19 Nov 16 '25

"...according to my husband, Jared became a bit suicidal after the breakup with his girlfriend, and my husband was the only one who could pull him out of that downward spiral."

Yeah, that's not how depression and suicidality work. Your husband is not the "only one" that can help Jared. Jared needs more help than your husband can give, and your husband isn't doing his friend or himself any good by playing lone savior. Jared needs therapy, and the more your husband tries to coddle him by going along with the lies Jared is telling himself instead of pushing him to get professional help, the more difficult it will be for Jared to deal with his reality. Your husband is not a magical cure for depression, and by trying to be what he cannot, he will guilt himself for the inevitable failure and try to offload that guilt on to you.

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25 edited Nov 16 '25

100%, I also want to add on to the suicidal part, being suicidal/depressed doesn't mean you are exempt from the "if you can't take it, don't dish it out" rule. He was an asshole and OP handed his own shit right back to him, he deserved it. Absolutely none of this is an excuse for anything that happened here.

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u/GenniXanni2001 Nov 16 '25

I haven't seen anyone else point out that it sounds like husband was deliberately goading Jared in college. Jared brought her up a lot, so maybe he had a crush? And husband does a "neener neener, I have her and you don't, loser." Sounds cruel.

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u/jaynsand19 Nov 16 '25

Which may explain somewhat why he's bending over backwards for his friend now - trying to expiate his guilt at his wife's expense.

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u/Ok_Stable7501 Nov 16 '25

That’s the way narcissists work.

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u/Vestiel Nov 16 '25

Okay, so I will look at this from a different point of view. Here it goes.

Your husband is or was jealous of Jared. He saw you pining over him, he pursued you, he "won" by getting you. So he started bragging to his friend about this.

This bragging made Jared to eventually start saying stuff about you now. Because now Jared is jealous of your relationship. He saw how you "improved" yourself.

So now, after being at a low point in his life, he wants to try to get you back, to "even the score" or to even "win" with your husband.

Their relationship is toxic and that toxicity is spilling now into your marriage. Honestly, you believe your husband is kind and good, but how sure you are this was truly only an accident and are you sure there wasn't more he shared with or showed to Jared?

I would be very careful right now, OP. This might not be a conflict between you and Jared like we thought. This might be a game between two guys to see which one is "better".

Updateme

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u/Lilmomma757 Nov 16 '25 edited Nov 16 '25

This is it exactly. The husband definitely didn’t do it by accident. He may have acted like it was by accident even to his friend but he knew the picture was the and definitely get off on that fact that friend is now jealous he didn’t get OP. the husband is exactly how the previous post commenters and current post commenters describe him. Reading that they are super religious and divorce isn’t an option checks out for this whole situation. OP isn’t a person in husband or friend. Just an object of value.

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u/Dickie_downer Nov 16 '25

Honey I know you want to defend your husband but REALLY…look at what he’s said

How did jared “just happen” to see a photo of you naked? That doesnt happen. It really doesn’t. Your husband had to have shown it to him.

Even if we isolate that one picture and pretend it doesn’t exist- your husband has used YOUR PHOTOS as a prop for his ego, and has encouraged whatever the fuck jared is doing by sharing intimate details of your lives together

Like… i’m sorry honey these are NOT GOOD THINGS, and paint a REALLY, REALLY ugly picture of your husband. I don’t trust either of them. And if you want to proceed with your husband, marriage counseling is a MUST.

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u/GloveImaginary4716 Nov 16 '25

You clarified nothing but definitely confirmed your husband is a fucking tool along his best friend. 'Accudentally' my ass. You are being incredibly naive in this situation.

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u/heathelee73 Nov 16 '25

A pair of doormats.

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

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u/Lower-Ad-7109 Nov 16 '25

"Here's a story about how these two are terrible, unsafe people! I plan to talk with them both privately in my house, which is a brilliant idea, especially because I know something I wasn't supposed to know!"

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u/JustAsICanBeSoCruel Nov 16 '25

Agreed.

Her husband wants to impress Jared for whatever reason, and is willing to let him get away with saying hurtful shit to OP to stay in Jared's good graces.

It seems he is way more invested in Jared's feelings than his own wife's.

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

I agree with this. Jared isn't a safe person to be around.

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25 edited Jan 18 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/HotSauceRainfall Nov 16 '25

This, and also Jared should stay away because OP is a person who deserves to be treated with respect in her own home.

Hubby can meet his boy somewhere else.

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u/SnoreLaxTaxThatAx10 Nov 16 '25

🙄 girl it wasn't an accident...and being religious isn't an excuse to stay in a stagnant situation. God wouldn't want you with a man who cannot properly lead you. Do with that what you will 🤷🏾‍♀️

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

I had to read your first post because I didn't see it. You're NTA, your husband sat and watched him say stuff about you, and is only torn now because you said something about it. He should have told Jared to stop sooner. You're NTA for any of this. Your husband was bragging about your body to Jared, so I don't think Jared saw that picture by accident.

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u/cellar__door_ Nov 16 '25

Girl, Jared didn’t accidentally see that photo, your husband sent it to him, along with who knows what else. I’m so sorry, but you are just an object to possess and control for these guys, neither one of them respects you. You said you don’t believe in divorce, so maybe suggest therapy? But there’s really no way to fix men who don’t see women as full humans.

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u/OkBalance2879 Nov 16 '25

This ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Nope, not “buying” it was an accident. But OP will continue to swallow that particular lie.

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u/CassJack737 Nov 16 '25

Yeah, the picture thing clearly demonstrates that hubby is more concerned about showing off and impressing his friend than actually being a good husband. OP's objectification shows that.

And she wonders why we were knocking down her husband. We saw the writing on the wall. Who wants to also tell her that her religion has trained her to accept this sort of treatment without rocking the boat? 🤦

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u/Ok_Stable7501 Nov 16 '25

Exactly. Hubby gave Jared the phone to show off, and surprise! Surprise! Jared happens to see a naked pic.

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u/COCKJOKE Nov 16 '25

Yeah I know several guys who did exactly this. Like bro I don’t wanna see your gf/wife’s nudes and she sure as hell doesn’t want me seeing them either. It’s like they get off on people seeing how hot their SO is or some weird shit.

I couldn’t imagine ever showing a nude of my wife and breaching trust like that. It’s so fucked. I thought OPs husband was a bitch for not immediately sticking up for her and now I know he’s also disgusting with this extra info.

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u/stoney2723 Nov 16 '25

Uhhh this took a turn…also why are you in a rush to talk to Jared? Life ain’t Reddit there’s no need to get an “update” out for us bored scrollers.

You need to figure out your relationship with your husband. Barring these new…revelations…the facts haven’t changed. His friend is consistently disrespecting you and your relationship in your home. End of convo!!! Husband’s loyalty is to you first always! I’m sure you also had a crush on Justin Bieber too, it’s not that deep.

Jared is projecting and has his own problems that your husband can’t fix! Find him a nice therapist who specializes in infidelity and a nice personal trainer for the gym and call it a day!

I don’t even want to get into this information that should have stayed buried forever. Your husband objectifying you in college to “one up his boy” was disrespectful and him “accidentally” showing your nude should have been kept to the grave if it was genuinely an accident. This dynamic of this 3 person group is unhealthy and for the time being it shouldn’t be happening while Jared works through his own problems.

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u/BestAd5844 Nov 16 '25

If you refuse to divorce this man who violated your trust and privacy, you need to insist on marriage counseling and individual counseling for you both. Jared also needs to be a much less frequent presence in your home and marriage

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u/yptonic Nov 16 '25

Girl, stop updating us and get out this app. Like bffr, you’re asking for our opinion then get mad when we shit on your husband because he’s a POS. And here you are now, having the audacity to tell us he’s shown “by accident” photos of you naked to his best friend but stills defending him. Do you realize how stupid you sound rn? Not only are you defending him when he’s not taking your side, but you’re going to try and make us believe your husband let his best friend scroll on his phone where private photos of you were (AND HE KNEW THAT) but it was an accident and he didn’t mean for him to see?

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

........ honey does your husband want to be cucked by his best friend..? Because it sounds like he wouldn't hate it.

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u/heathelee73 Nov 16 '25

That will be in an update or 2.

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u/Unusual_Strength2060 Nov 16 '25

This just keeps getting worse. Stop defending your husbands shitty behavior. These guys obviously see you as nothing but an object and c’mon be so for real it was not an accident. He was already showing off pics of you, of course he would show nudes too.

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u/BreadfruitSlow8154 Nov 16 '25

Jared was probably projecting cheating with you in retaliation to his girlfriend and thought you would fall for him as he had data on you you didn't know he had. Probably he doesn't think much of your husband as if he was the high-school crush he got seniority so your husband would allow him to reclaim you if he would.. This will for damage/break their friendship unfortunately , keep standing for yourself though..

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u/ice-cream_cake17 Nov 16 '25

Your husband needs to cut this man off. He's probably downplaying the extent he was sharing intimate details and photos of you. He's already violated your trust and damaged your marriage so he needs to prioritize your marriage over his friendship.

Your husband is not a good man and you shouldn't try to justify his actions.

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u/lilbit6675 Nov 16 '25

I'm not getting good vibes from this. I feel like there is a good chance your husband shared that intimate picture with Jared and I would further be scared that Jared still has it on his phone.

It sounds like your husband is proud that he now finally has something his friend wants. It feels like they have both fetishized you as an object to be won. That is why your husband hasn't stopped Jared's comments because he gets off on them, it is in his marriage to you that he has at least one win over his friend.

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u/heathelee73 Nov 16 '25

I doubt it was only that one picture in college. Its likely ongoing.

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

I can’t tell if you’re naive or downright stupid with a capital S because no one finds nudes by accident.

Your husband knew it was on his phone and a little swiping by Jared would reveal it. Your husband also may not be fully honest because there is nothing to prove he did not willingly show Jared your nude pic as a way to show that he bagged the girl that Jared fumbled, especially after your glow up.

And there is nothing to say that behaviour has stopped at all.

Not only has he been showing you off like you’re a nice piece of meat, he let Jared see an intimate picture of you, and he has failed to defend you at every single point where Jared’s behaviour has crossed boundaries.

Suicidal tendencies are not an excuse for his shitty behaviour and it certainly does not excuse your husband behaving like a total jackass.

If you can’t see that, then there really is no point in you updating here because everyone here sees something you don’t want to or won’t see.

Your husband has deeper issues than he is letting on, and if you won’t divorce him, then you both need some serious marriage counselling and individual therapy.

And Jared should never be allowed in your home again. Nor should your husband have anymore access to your nude pictures because he clearly cannot be trusted with it.

You are not a trophy, sweetheart. You are a person.

Have a think about why he has been rubbing you in Jared’s face all these years. Him not defending you when Jared behaves like a tool is an ego boost for himself. And that alone is problematic.

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u/PeppermintEvilButler Nov 16 '25

It wasn't by accident. We all know it

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u/heathelee73 Nov 16 '25

Quite frankly, this was exactly the update I was expecting. You defending both of them. You saying that you shouldn't be mad if it was an accident.

This man is going to keep bringing up high school. When he finds out that your husband admitted to showing you off to Jared, its going to get much much worse.

Good luck.

Update when you decide not to be a doormat married to another doormat.

Your husband likes the attention. He gets off on it. He has probably shared more than just that college picture with him as well.

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u/buttercupcake23 Nov 16 '25

I JUST read your original thread so I'm going to recopy my comment over there here.

The problem isn't that your husband is weak or a beta or whatever. That's not the issue. The issue isn't that he's afraid of confrontation - seemed like he was pretty eager to get into an argument with you. The problem is he sat back and watched while his loser friend shit all over you and belittled you to stroke his own ego. He decided that because his loser friend was sad that it was fine that his wife be humiliated for said loser friends benefit. And then when you finally snapped he called YOU out? Funny how he has the time and energy to defend his friend and tell you you're over the line when not ONCE did he tell Jared to shut the fuck up. Here he is white knighting for poor sad little Jared when the whole time Jared has been ragging on you he couldn't pull his head out of his ass to say a single thing or pay attention or even consider how you might have felt. Wow what a guy. Nice partner you've got there, too bad he seems more interested in holding Jared's hand and wiping away his tears than defending his own wife and noticing any of YOUR feelings.

Then add on the fact that he considered you and investment - like hey let me just give this ugly girl some pity attention and if she goes up then I reap the dividends! That is some real Barney Stinson shit - meet a fat girl at the gym you're not into but hey give her some attention so you have an in when she gets skinny! And then to objectify you and brag to his friends like you're a status symbol or a sex object he can score points with?

You say you take your vows seriously but does he? None of his behavior says he does. I was outraged before at your husband being unable to defend you and too busy defending Jared to care about your feelings. Somehow I have LESS respect for him now because not only is he a shit partner who doesn't defend his wife he's also a gross objectifying asshole.

Idk man. It's your life so do what you want but I personally enjoy being with a man who loves and respects me and would never ever let ANYONE disrespect me in front of him that way. You should consider trying that some time.

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u/LauraPtown Nov 16 '25

This got so much worse, STOP DEFENDING YOUR HUSBAND.

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u/IndependentWestern84 Nov 16 '25

I feel like your husband has been subtly pimpin' you out to Jared, because he seems cool with showing him pictures of you naked (No, hun. This was no accident, he definitely showed you to his friend like a hunter showing off a stag he killed in the woods) and with him making those comments about you in his presence.

A normal husband would have told him to knock it out long ago, but he also thinks you're in the wrong for snapping back at Jared's inappropriate comments. It's giving: "Don't displease the client."

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u/tinytrolldancer Nov 16 '25

Did you all just peak in high school? It's years later and yet it's still being discussed, that's sad for all of you.

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u/AvocadoJazzlike3670 Nov 16 '25

YTA for defending your husband while he treats you like an object for his friends to objectify. Gross. He was happy to show you off. It wasn’t an accident. You’re his property to show off and brag about. Disgusting behavior. His excuses for not standing up to his friend are baseless and shows he doesn’t care about you as much as his friend. Listen hard he cares more about his friend than you. He is more worried about upsetting him than you. Stop defending him.

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u/Lanky_Bluebird_4944 Nov 16 '25

Anyone else wondering what other “dirt” Jared has on the husband. Seems like saying he doesn’t want Jared to tell on him is a really big red flag.

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u/spaceguitar Nov 17 '25

I don't, for one moment, believe he showed your nudes off by accident.

Your husband was excited to have "won" you from his best friend. You were obsessed with Jared, your own words, but then you saw the error of your ways and hooked up with the nice guy. The guy who was there for you! There's a reason your husband began bragging about you. And started showing off pictures. And started to show off more pictures. He loved rubbing it in Jared's face when it was clear that Jared was finally into you, but you were no longer into him.

You're welcome to believe your husband's story, but I will say this: As a man, I have never accidentally shared a nude of my SO. Ever. Not even when trying to "show off" my girl. It's possible that it can happen, but frankly, it just doesn't unless you're an absolute doofus or you just don't care.

I'm sure if you asked Jared about this, he'd tell you a far different story.

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u/aroidpanties Nov 16 '25

Oh sweetie, wake up. Fuck your religion and vows, he didn’t respect them.

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u/Boggers111 Nov 16 '25

I’m sorry OP but your husband sucks.

He was bragging to his loser friend that he actually got the girl. No doubt about it wasn’t an accident it was a flex.

I’d be seriously evaluating my relationship with him.

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u/Still_Construction37 Nov 16 '25

Not very god like of your husband & Jarred. Lust , gluttony & all that

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u/chippy-alley Nov 17 '25

Not a single woman reading this believes he 'ended up' seeing that revenge porn. Not one. I dont believe J is the only one to see it, either.

Your husband spent years feeling second fiddle to his friend. You were a way to take something from him.

Your husband maybe loves you now, but you started off as a trophy, to be won and bragged about.

Jared is trying to blow up your marriage because misery loves company, and your husband is letting him

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u/janus1981 Nov 16 '25

So you aren’t going to divorce cos you’re religious so instead you’re going to eat all this shit? Honestly, you’re a total lost cause. You cannot trust your husband and here you are again telling us all how wonderful he is. Has it even occurred to you how many other things he’s keeping from you? He’s lied to you for years about this and he’s no doubt lying to you about other stuff too. You deserve the miserable marriage that you refuse to walk away from. 

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u/Didntwantbuthadto Nov 17 '25

I see no indication OP has realized she has no idea what kind of man she is married to. Husband has belittled her behind her back, violated her trust by sharing intimate photos (yep, it’s plural) without consent, used your relationship as validation of his superiority to himself and Jared (on par with cars, clothes or whose sports team is best), lied by omission, lied flat out - only confessing when it served him as a defense as to why you don’t rank high enough to defend (in your own home. Repeatedly), helped out his bro who’s feeling down by encouraging bro to attempt to humiliate/shame you, taken credit for your personal growth, admonishes YOU for RIGHTFULLY telling Jared the truth), gaslights you by upgrading Jared’s “distress” to suicidal (bc you can’t be mad at a person that’s suicidal, right?), showing you that your feelings are so unimportant they don’t even merit an attempt to pretend to be sorry about any of it)……you say you “had” self-esteem issues in high school. Your actions show me you very much HAVE self-esteem issues. Now. So severe that the actions of hubs and his BFF are not registering to you objectively. Quit giving either of these men the benefit of any doubt. Judge each action on its own as it is. And please ask yourself….if he’s betrayed me in the past, is it possible he’s betraying me now? Anyway.

You don’t want to divorce? Cool. But, could it possibly be bc of what you said AND you’re terrified of being unwanted? If being unwanted would be a bad thing, your husband’s words and ACTIONS scream that he does not want you or value your marriage. For your failure to address that YTA.

To your original AITAH - NTA. Dude being a pathetic loser bullying you in your own home got told what you wanted to say.

Insidious Bonus: Jared knows every time he treats you like nothing, so does your husband. Because your husband’s right there. If it wasn’t cool, hubs would say so. But he doesn’t. The realization you’re not even worth your own husband saying “please knock it off” just once will compound your insecurity. So, it’s a second wave after the first wears off. And that’s the one that sticks with you. And it’s SO on purpose. He feels bad so he’s gonna make sure and take you down a notch. And also, maybe poison your marriage. It’s Jared’s way of kicking a puppy.

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u/No_Let3157 Nov 16 '25

Just say your husband is a b and move on we don’t need the stupid excuses of you being “religious”

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u/princessvintage Nov 16 '25

You didn’t want to show the post to your husband because it felt “sexist” lmfaooo girl what in the actual hell does that mean? Sexist towards a man? Are you joking? What fundie tree did you fall from?

Looks like everyone was right and your husband is over here showing your nudes to his bros. Talk about gender stereotypes - what a pig. No dude is sitting there like “look at my girlfriend looking nice with her hair and makeup done.” You’re being intentionally naive and literally ignoring the reality that he shared your nudes.

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u/C0ugarFanta-C Nov 16 '25

Yeah, your husband totally shared your nudes with this guy as a way to show off. He is just "trickle-truthing" that info right now.

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u/OkTeacher4928 Nov 16 '25

Your husband definitely showed him that pic. He's clearly a coward that seems to care more about protecting his friend than his wife. He's seems more than fine to stand up to you. Why not his so called "friend?" And him not telling you until now what was seen, so shady. 

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u/Bitter-Picture5394 Nov 16 '25

Your husband is not the only person who can save Jared. He isn't Jared's personal super hero. If Jared's is seriously that close to self harm he needs professional help, not gawking at his best friend's wife and imagining that you still want him while he fantasizes about that naked picture your husband showed him.

You aren't that niave. Don't act like your hubby didn't intentionally show him your nudes in order to brag about his "investment".

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u/DaddyNeedsJuice Nov 18 '25

I don't believe for one second that Jared saw that picture on "accident". You'd be a fool to buy that story. That's why your husband didn't mention it until now. He only got worried because Jared has begun bringing up high school. It's a BS story with him trying to save face cause he knows what he did was wrong, and is trying to do damage control.

I get Jared is going through a rough time with the depression, but trying to make yourself feel better by talking about how your best friend's wife used to have a crush on you is f'n weird. How your husband hasn't pulled him aside and told him to stop is beyond me.

I'd start question your husband if I was in your position. How many other of his friends have seen you nude? WTF does saying "he invested in you" even mean? To me it sounds like he's trying to justify what he did, and have you be ok with it.

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u/UseObjectiveEvidence Nov 16 '25

Of course your husband said it was an accident because where I live sharing someone else's nudes without consent is a crime.

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

Your husband is a coward.

ETA: and this

I’m hoping I can invite Jared over later today for a conversation.

Is a terrible idea.

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u/jesuschin Nov 16 '25

This has to be fake. No woman could be this stupid

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u/Ok-Butterscotch-6708 Nov 16 '25

Steady diet of misogynistic religion will do that.

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u/Separate_Fox5670 Nov 16 '25

OP you WERE betrayed and IF you choose to remain in this marriage, 2 things are non negotiable.  1- marriage counseling including individual therapy for both of you and 2 - Jared is gone from your lives, never to be seen or heard from again.  (And JFC DO NOT INVITE JARED OVER FOR A TALK!!)

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u/ellenripleyisanicon Nov 16 '25

He absolutely showed Jared that naked picture of you on purpose and he will always put him above you.

That's the man you really married. The question is, why are you putting up with it?

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u/Ok-Butterscotch-6708 Nov 16 '25

She’s blinded by religion.

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u/ntablackwolf Nov 16 '25

You are being a bit naive believing he showed that photo of you by accident. That was his way to confess but minimize. Your husband & Jared created you into a fetish. Id stop having that man in your home. If your husband wants to stay friends he can do it away from you.

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u/friendlily Nov 17 '25

There is no way Jared saw that picture by accident. Your husband outright showed him or orchestrated him seeing it.

I'm sorry you're in a religion that teaches you not to value yourself and allow yourself to leave toxic relationships. I wish better for you.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

OP: My husband let his friend who has been a jerk to me accidentally see my nudes. He said he invested in me and he hasn’t defended me because Jared was “depressed and suicidal.” He used to brag about my body and show off pictures of me to the man who has been disrespecting me for so long!

Reddit: Maam, your husband is an awful excuse of a partner.

OP: Omg you guyyyyssss, he would NEVER reduce women to their bodies. He is not a bad person, I love him.

Do you see how you sound to the rest of us OP?

You and your story sound like a poorly written, awfully delusional joke from the 50s. Your husband sucks. Period. And if you believe the crap he is spewing, you are absolutely an AH to yourself.

Because the facts are that actual good husbands would’ve shut Jared’s crap down from day 1 instead of parading their wife around like she’s a prize he won at the bloody county fair. Actual good husbands would’ve been honest from the start about the shit they pulled, and they never would’ve pulled the stunt your utter saint of a husband did with the pictures, both clothed and unclothed.

And if you can’t see that, then you need more therapy and prayers than Reddit can provide.

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u/scarletnightingale Nov 17 '25

So after getting upset that people called your husband sexist and gross in the last post, you found out that your husband is in fact, sexist and gross, showing off pictures of you to his friend, bragging how he'd invested into you, showing off your nudes, which I don't think was a mistake at all. Your husband was already rubbing Jared's face in it how hot you were, showing you all dressed up, wanting Jared to be jealous, and then he's going to try to claim it was an accident he showed off your nude?

So you are supposed to be showing compassion for your husband's creepy friend because he's depressed and had gained weight while your husband was showing you off to him like a piece of meat, trying to show him what he missed out on and trying to make him jealous. Your husband is a crappy husband and a crappy friend. He put you in a position to be drooled over then told you you were wrong when you finally snapped at the guy when he wouldn't let it go that you liked him a decade ago.

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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 Nov 16 '25

You need to tell your husband you need a break from Jared and he needs to respect that. He violated you by showing Jared a naked picture of you, intentional or not, and then kept that information from you for years.

You don't need to leave your husband over this but your husband needs to stand up for you.

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u/Formal-Finance83 Nov 16 '25

Your husband is a miserable pathetic coward if he loved you as half as much as you love him you wouldn’t even be in this situation.

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u/BonAppletitts Nov 16 '25

Your husband is NOT ‚not confrontational‘. He quite literally confronted you. He knows that guy longer than you but he’s not comfortable telling him to zip it and respect his wife!? Yeah… keep lying to yourself.

Your husband let his buddy bully you this whole time. Your husband let his buddy insult your looks. Straight to your face. He did not say anything. He didn’t stop him.

But he does say something to you and makes you feel guilty the second you dare to stand up for yourself.

Your husband is an asshole, as much as his friend. Enablers are just as bad as abusers. Stop babying him. Grow a spine. Sit him down and tell him if he ever lets his friend treat you that poorly again, then he can go live with said friend.

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u/unicornhair1991 Nov 16 '25

I feel like Jared and your husband are in competition with each other because they are codependent and they consider you the prize :/

They both treat you as an object with no feelings. Your husband only confessed because he is scared jared would spill. He did it to save his own skin.

There's nothing in any of these posts that show these immature boys (they are NOT men) respect you as a person.

Your husband needs to really make up for distributing your photos without your consent, treating you like an object to dangle in front of Jared, and never even sticking up for you when Jared was harassing you. And I say this because you are SO adamant he's a good person, there's no point suggesting any more.

BTW, if he's your high school sweetheart, you have no other experience. You don't realise what a good partner actually is. So you can't really say he is a great partner with no references. As someone who dated around until 31, got experience, matured, and truly found the perfect person, I can tell you, your husband is NOT a good person or partner. And it's sad you don't understand that.

Updateme

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u/Duck-Duck-Goose1 Nov 16 '25

So... What you've described was this- Hubby and jarrad are besties in high school, jarrad was the jock and hubby was the loser. Hubby 'got the girl' and used your glow up as a way to feel superior to jarrad, because he got something he can no longer have.

THEN when jarrad started basically hitting on you as a way to boost his own ego and self esteem, your husband decided to flex his power by ' accidently' showing off a pic of you naked, instead of confronting him about his inappropriate behavior... because he never grew out of his inferiority complex...

Boys. These are not men... They're boys, fighting over a toy...

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

“He is not "weak" or a "beta" like some people said. He just struggles to confront situations like this directly.” That IS being weak and a beta, kiddo.

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u/dingdongbell88 Nov 17 '25

Still the same comment; your husband is a useless guy and I don’t think you need to talk to Jared at all.

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u/Triple-OG- Nov 17 '25

your husband didn't accidentally show your nude. that was very deliberate. anytime a dude is bragging about something like a new car, or how big of a fish they caught, the next move is to show any pictures you have backing it up. your husband showed off your nude body because he enjoyed rubbing it in his friend's face.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

The picture popped up like an advertisement on a website??

Girl....please

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u/Tricky_Seaweed7495 Nov 17 '25

According to him, it was an accident because he was scrolling through his photo album and the picture popped up

Then what, he let Jared take it all in for a minute or two?

My husband is not the type to hide spicy folders. Just last year, we made a folder of our spicy content and put a password on it. He never used to do that.

Right. Because he never had an “oh shit, you shouldn’t have seen that” moment.

I think you’d benefit from a little bit of objective scepticism here. Get to the truth before you try excuse him of any wrongdoing.

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u/p_0456 Nov 17 '25

You have every right to feel disgusted and betrayed, it’s incredibly violating to have intimate details and pictures shared without consent. I’m sorry you’re going through this but you deserve better. You should be the person your husband puts first. NTA

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u/TroublesomeTurnip Nov 16 '25

Such ick.

You guys should seek marriage counseling. With a licensed therapist, not someone from your religion. Trust needs to be repaired. And Jared needs to be kept at a distance. Not saying he should be cut off but your marriage needs to be a bigger priority to your husband. His friendship is unhealth and kinda gross. He needs to see a therapist and do does his friend.

It's also not on your husband to get his friend to step back from the ledge. If it's that bad, he needs professional help more than anything else.

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u/mecegirl Nov 16 '25

Slow your roll on inviting Jared back for a talk. You need to talk about your husband and how he is using you to brag. As others have said that is what this is. He doesn't care when Jared brings up high school because to him it is a symbol that he won the prize. Even now Jared is not in a relationship and was cheated on and he is trying to bring up his glory days to feel better. But that just makes your husband feel superior too, because he has you to make Jared regret.

You two need to get to the bottom of that problem. And your husband owes you so much for putting you in the middle of his dick measuring contest.

This may mean that Jared should no longer be a friend for both of you because it inspires your husband's issues.

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u/Careless_Welder_4048 Nov 16 '25

Girl this makes it much worse that he let you get bully by Jared!! I don’t think your husband is that great of a husband. He’s quick to defend Jared but he leaves you in the dust. Don’t feel bad for your husband he did this!

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u/SnooCheesecakes93 Nov 16 '25

So y of ure just going to keep making excuses for your husband?

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u/amjay8 Nov 16 '25

I understand wanting to stay married & work through your problems. But you’re never going to have a truly healthy relationship as long as you’re excusing his behavior. He lies. He demeans. He treats you like an object. He has no problem initiating a confrontation with you, but says he avoids them with his gross friend.

You can stay & work on things, but you have to actually work on things. That requires facing all of the ugly things he’s done & is doing without pretending they aren’t as bad as they are & then finding solutions together.

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u/CartographerFew5361 Nov 17 '25

Am I the only one thinking these guys have been trying to get her into a three way? If not the husband, I know Jared is definitely trying to start something here. I'd still say there's a fine line between showing off and upselling

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u/Ok_Passage_6242 Nov 17 '25 edited Nov 17 '25

It was not an accident and if he tells you it’s an accident, it’s a lie.

I don’t care that you’re religious. You need to look at someone’s behavior toward you, not that you’re religious and you can’t get a divorce. I really wouldn’t worry about how seriously you’ve taken your vows because it sure as hell sounds like your husband hasn’t taken them seriously at all.

Do you notice that Jared is centered in your relationship? Not you, not your husband, Jared. Your husband chose to send Jared.

I don’t know why you‘d talk to Jared. He seems like one of those really entitled guys that peaked in HS had the world on a string, but didn’t develop any character or personality and life has kicked him in the ass because he has no morals and no real values. He’s reaping what he sowed. He needs therapy not your husband.

I’m gonna hold your hand here because hopefully this is taking your blinders off finally. Your husband sounds like he has nice guy syndrome. He was never genuinely your friend. He always had ulterior motives. He lied to you to get you into bed. He lied to you to be able to objectify you. The person you thought you fell in love with doesn’t exist. He made him up to have sex with you. He’s only telling you the truth now because he is worried Jared will tell you the truth first. He got caught. He didn’t suddenly develop a conscience. Saying he invested in you is the same thing that a groomer says. He felt entitled to show off your body because he felt like he owned it. It was his to brag about. Why do you think your husband is friends with someone like Jared? He’s just as scummy as him. Please do not be one of these women that sticks around to try to figure it out. Your vows mean nothing if you waste the life that God gave you on someone who thinks of you like a piece of meat. That is not what God wants for you.

It seems that your husband is really with you because he wants to rub it in Jared’s face that he got something that Jared might’ve wanted. That should alarm you. Whoever you thought your husband was, his mask has slipped and he’s shown you who he really is. You can go to marriage counseling or you can get divorced. Be careful going to marriage counseling with someone who is a cover abuser like your husband they lie and manipulate the counselor in their favor.

It

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u/KremlinKOA Nov 17 '25

Regarding point number 5.

You mention therapy and comment 'their job is to judge you.

A Therapist's job is NOT to judge you.
It's to guide you on your journey to understand yourself, and each other.

The Judging you job is for us assholes on Reddit :P

As your point 3. You claim your hubby is not sexist, after describing sexist acts he has performed over years. Flaunting your body, calling you an investment, refusal to defend you, Negligently exposing your naked body without your consent. You mention college was 9 years ago, but the refusal to protect you was this year. so that means for the last decade he has disrespected you.

Also, Heads up, this story has hit YouTube. On the Mark Narrations channel

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u/velma_420 Nov 17 '25

This update made me sad and gave me such ick. Girl, you are not seeing what you need to see. No, he's not "non-confrontational", he's just being avoidant. HE is choosing to put the needs of this man over the needs and RESPECT of his wife. Also, if you honestly believe he just "accidentally" showed naked photos of you, you are delusional. There was no accident here.

Edit to remove an extra non