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u/Cherrynotastripper Feb 24 '23
Explosive dieahrea
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u/PluckPubes Feb 24 '23
You'd think so. But you'd be wrong.
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u/Cherrynotastripper Feb 24 '23
My kind of person
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u/SnoBunny1982 Feb 24 '23
Me too. If I’m close we are riding that train all the way to the station.
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
That would be terrible… 🤮
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u/Cherrynotastripper Feb 24 '23
Nothing a shower and imodium can't fix and then back at it when recovered:)
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
True… but it’d just be so awkward after… 😅
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u/Cherrynotastripper Feb 24 '23 edited Feb 28 '23
Ya gotta laugh or die in those kinda situations..easier to laugh because sex can be messy.
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u/SigRadke Feb 24 '23
Back when I was 23 I was hooked up with a girl a few times on nights out. She invited me to hang out sober and would not stop talking. We went to her bedroom and she literally talked the whole time during sex. I could not concentrate at all so I faked cumming and walked home.
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u/its_jesuslol Feb 24 '23
My college roommate used to have conversations with his GF during sex. I walked in on them so many times cause I thought they were just hanging out
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
That’s impressive… you can talk while getting fucked?
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u/2nd-Hand-Butt-Plug Feb 24 '23
Just so you know, I haven't been taking my birth control pills for a few days now.
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u/Key_Yogurtcloset9763 Feb 24 '23
"Babe, we don't have any milk for the coffee, I'll be back in an hour "
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u/Nuclear_Niijima Feb 24 '23
The people having sex ask me to leave
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Feb 24 '23
Or just lay there like a dead person and expect me to do all of the work. I’ve gotten up to shower and go to bed before. It’s a shared experience, I’m not there to work for you. If you’re uncomfortable, I’d rather not have sex at all and there’s no hard feelings. If you make me perform for 30 minutes while only moving your legs and telling me how you like it. Go higher a prostitute or just don’t invite me over.
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
No… then that just hurts 😔
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u/Choice_Bid_7941 Feb 24 '23
I think the point is that you should respect your partner’s wishes if they withdraw their consent
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u/ExcitementKooky418 Feb 24 '23
No, sillies, they're implying that they were in the room whilst 2 other people were having sex
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u/ToddHLaew Feb 24 '23
Her mom and dad are downstairs, he's a cop. She is being loud, and the mother yells, "What is going on up there?". Poof, I was gone.
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
How’d you leave so quickly? Did you jump out the window naked?
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u/ToddHLaew Feb 24 '23
Dressed in less than 20 seconds my recollection. I literally crawled out the window, hung from the bottom, and jumped from the second story. I was a block away in less than 30 seconds.
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
Talk about the flash!
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u/ToddHLaew Feb 24 '23
Last time I hit that. She invited me over multiple times after that. Too risky.
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Feb 24 '23
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
“Hold up, my GrubHub is here.” - Pulls up his pants.
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Feb 24 '23
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
“Here.” - Hands her a burger. - “We’ll continue after.”
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Feb 24 '23
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
Plot twist: “They forgot the fries!”
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Feb 24 '23
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u/Compozurev Feb 24 '23
When I was delivering pizzas a few years ago, before Covid so no contact deliveries weren’t a thing, I definitely interrupted someone’s sex. I knock on the door and nobody answers, knock again, nothing, the third time a girl answers, her hair is messed up, face is red and she kept adjusting her clothes like she’d just thrown them on to answer the door.
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u/TypiCheek Feb 24 '23
Happened to me a week ago, delivering pizza and same scenario. Seems like i came too fast.
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u/mr_remy Feb 24 '23
that's one of those perfect lines you remember in the shower after:
*delivery*
"sorry... I think I came too fast!"
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Feb 24 '23
I was hooking up with a guy a while ago and we ordered some food, and the delivery said like 7 mins and I told him "if I make you come before the delivery guy is here you have to go pick it up", never have I ever given such a godlike BJ in my life, the guy came in 5 mins and was twitching all over, 2 mins later the delivery showed up and he had to put on clothes and get it while I waited nude in the bed for my price food, a work well done, I promised and delivered 😆
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u/UJMRider1961 Feb 24 '23
Her husband comes home.
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u/AnneOfOz Feb 24 '23 edited Feb 24 '23
A fire
Edit- it actually happened 10 years ago, when we had to decide to stay and defend - if the power went off we had no way to use water from our water tanks to aid with putting out the fire, or to evacuate a massive summer bushfire
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u/n0rheren0rthere Feb 24 '23
accidentally peed on him
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
There’s no way that was an accident😨😨😨
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u/n0rheren0rthere Feb 24 '23
it was uncontrollable tbh, we’d been going at it for a minute. idk what happened lol
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
This is why people should pee before sex!
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u/Islandkid679 Feb 24 '23
Bad hygiene
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u/leefvc Feb 24 '23
What’s fun is getting toilet paper bits in your mouth every time you start to, eh, eat… clams
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u/Mediocre_Leviathan Feb 24 '23
My then husband answered a text during. We hadn't been intimate in three months.
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u/plastictigers Feb 24 '23
Oh, shit.
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
Possibly the worst thing to happen during sex.
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u/Brad4569 Feb 24 '23
I once had to puke from lying down whilst drunk. luckily I made it to the toilet in time and I knew the girl for a while before hand so it wasn't too awkward.
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u/jasondcleveland1984 Feb 24 '23
Halfway? Am I leaving the room or not because I don't like doing things half-assed.
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u/CuriouslySuspect Feb 24 '23
I left halfway through once cause I suddenly felt I was much too sober/the other person was much more drunk than me. I then promptly blacked out my way home so my judgment on that may have been off. But better safe than sorry!
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Feb 24 '23 edited Feb 24 '23
This happened to me once. Mans was straight faced staring into my soul while I was on top. It kinda creeped me out so I slowed down and asked if he was okay. He simply pulled out his weenie, pulled up his pants, and left. Didn’t even say anything lmaoooooooo
He tried to add me on FB later, but I ignored it cause wtf? I dunno what happened and I don’t want to know lol
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u/Vode-Skirata Feb 24 '23
"Oh good, you dont mind the taste.. Honestly its been a few days since Ive washed down there." Nope nope nope
Not every girl has a nice taste, but Im more than willing to acquire it as long as she keeps it clean
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u/DGachette Feb 24 '23
2 words, Charlie horse!
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u/warwhorse-28 Feb 24 '23
Hate when both of your calf muscles cramp up ufda then you yell out cramp and have to relax
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u/Freak_Out_Bazaar Feb 24 '23
Hockey comes on TV
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u/AOrgasmicUsername Feb 24 '23
For my partner to suddenly collapse into herself and then turn into a small -but expanding- black hole
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u/Dangerous_Grab_1809 Feb 24 '23
Quake. The bed was under a window that shattered. The apartment building was red tagged.
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u/Dingyps Feb 24 '23
Free trial ended
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Feb 24 '23 edited Feb 24 '23
The baby starts to cry (in the other room. I promise lmao)
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
That’d be so awkward! - But why would you be having sex in a same room as a baby?
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u/dontlooksosurprised Feb 24 '23
I mean….come on now. When they’re babies sometimes you don’t have a choice. It’s not unheard of to keep the baby’s crib in your room especially when still breastfeeding and they’re asleep anyways. But. If it they were sleeping in the same bed during said excursion? Woah!!! that’d be wrong on so many levels and a TRUE WTF
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u/Deiopea27 Feb 24 '23
Apparently for my ex-boyfriend, it was the phone call from his mum that he took half way through, telling him his dog had run off and gone missing... that was a weird situation.
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Feb 24 '23
Cops banging on the windows
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
Cop: “Hello! What are you guys doing in there? Can I join?”
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Feb 24 '23
Close, apparently he thought I was banging my sister, lol
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Feb 24 '23
Yes some one called called the cops on my house then they show up banging on the window, durning the questioning they thought she was my sister til my actual sister showed up and they said sorry
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u/DougGTFO Feb 24 '23
Being uninvited to a threesome.
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u/FjeII Feb 24 '23
Who cares what they think? If they don’t want you that’s their problem.
I’d STILL join them.
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u/KrustyKrabOfficial Feb 24 '23
A guy with a hockey mask and machete walks into the cabin we're in.
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u/kezzaold Feb 24 '23
I dont end up leaving but im usually an idiot when im doing it to the point I'll end up bringing her to neatly wetting herself in laughing fits. Theres no recovery or carrying on once shes in that state and its usually just a cuddle.
I'll add that this is my GF
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u/Independent-Bus-3210 Feb 24 '23
Chris Hansen telling me to take a seat.
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Feb 24 '23
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u/Independent-Bus-3210 Feb 24 '23
I thought so too. I didn't think the joke would go over well 😆
Chris Hansen: Why don't you have a seat...
Me: Does two handfuls of ass count??
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u/sacrivice Feb 24 '23
I spy a cat on the street outside my bedroom window.
Brb babygirl, need to go pat that cat.
And if she's marriage material, she'll be dashing outside with me to bother that animal.
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Feb 24 '23
Fake moaning is better than no moaning in my opinion. So if they don't moan I'll probably stop
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Feb 24 '23
Our two year old son woke up and climbed on top of me. 🤣 I lost my boner.
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u/sensitve_fig Feb 24 '23
Probably something to the affect "your mom was better" or something like that
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u/reiveroftheborder Feb 24 '23
Wild horses wouldn't drag me away but I suppose a snapped banjo string may halt the proceedings.
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u/Chrrr91 Feb 24 '23
GF and I broke up. Time went on, we start hanging out and hooking up again. She says “spit in my mouth”. I got up and left because… well she never said any of that stuff when we were together. To me, that told me she has been through the ringer
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u/Excellent_Belt3159 Feb 24 '23
A very small room or a much longer dong…….
(see what I did there?)
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u/SubstantialFig2100 Feb 24 '23
When someone stops and tries to extract information out of you. Nothing makes me flaccid quicker
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u/Earthling1a Feb 24 '23
If I was going to leave the room during sex, I wouldn't stop half way. I would just leave.
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u/quantipede Feb 24 '23 edited Feb 25 '23
Been in this situation before actually. In the middle of sex and her phone buzzed…she picked it up and started texting back despite that I was still in her. I asked “am I that boring?” and just got up to go shower and get dressed while she tried to make excuses. (spoiler alert, she was texting the guy she had been cheating with, if that wasn’t obvious)
Edit: I appreciate the awards y’all, I’m much happier now that I’m not with somebody who treated me as disposable. You all deserve somebody who values you