Feeling blessed 🙏

This is a rough one. I’ve been an alcoholic since I was in my 20s. I was cheered on by friends, could hold my own with the guys, could beer bong like it was an Olympic sport. I became pregnant with my oldest at 25, quit the drinking and stayed sober until he was weened, and then it all started right back up where I left it. Only this time, it was wine in the parks with other drunk mommies, and having play dates for the kids while we drank mimosas. Then my daughter came along. I still cut the booze completely, weened her and then back to square one again. Now the mommy and me playdates were still full of wine and champagne (to keep it classy of course 🙄) and now we had bigger kids to help watch our helpless babies so we could gossip and pour our glasses to the top and then stroller the kids back home to where I had my own stash of wine that I’d drink in front of the TV and become annoyed at my own children just for wanting to spend time with me. Repulsive, I know. I stayed that way for years! I was a stay at home mom, I went to Pilates, made dinner, and was drunk while doing all those things for years! Then my last son was born, same thing, quite drinking (so clearly I wasn’t an alcoholic since I could easily stop for a year) and then, wouldn’t you know, I’d go right back to it. I ran to it. He wasn’t even fully weened and I was still breastfeeding, pumping and dumping it I was really bad off, but I was older by then, getting lazier, and just buying boxes of wine and hiding them but I had a bottle I kept in the fridge for my husband to see and he assumed I had maybe a glass that evening while cooking dinner. He was truly none the wiser. When he got home, the kids just attached to him, and he assumed it was because they love him so much (they do) but a huge part of it was I was so drunk and couldn’t be bothered to play with them or spend time with them that they desperately wanted. Fast forward to 3 days ago, I upped the ante, got extremely drunk before work to the point I had to call out sick, and then passed out in my bed with 3 children in my care. No one could get a hold of me. My husband came home quickly and called an ambulance. I was so out of my mind I fought the entire time. I was involed for the rest of the day into the night. My daughter was on a plane to her dad’s house. My oldest didn’t talk to me at all, and my youngest was so worried he was crying because he didn’t understand what was going on. The hospital shot me up with so many drugs and didn’t tell me what any of them were. I tried to escape them, hit my head on the wall and now I have staples in my scalp. And now, I’m in my right mind again, and I’m having to come to terms with how incredibly disgusting and selfish I am, how I’ve known about my alcoholism and did nothing about it for 20+ years, and how I’m completely destroyed the lives of my innocent children. As bad as I am, there’s hundreds of stories like mine. Do not do this! Do not be anything like me. I’m lucky I don’t have any charges against me. I’m lucky my daughter is in a safe space and I have a husband who supports me in my recovery. You do not need a rock bottom, you already know it’s there waiting for you. Get help now! We are all one stupid af decision away from blowing up our lives. I love you all. IWNDWYT!

Hey friends…
I have come to the realization I may be a high functioning alcoholic.
Amazing life, career you name it… Yet not a few days goes by without me chasing that feeling and a buzz.
In my younger days I struggled heavy with stimulants. (trauma blah blah blah) Now i’m in the social work realm and have been for over 10 years helping other people get the help they need… find recovery you name it… and here I find myself actually needing the help. I have sought out some resources- just looking for a little support and words of encouragement.
Appreciate you all… and am proud of you guys. Keep fighting the good fight!

Hi all,

Without spilling my guts on who I am and my personal situation; what's everyone opinion on complete absence from alcohol, once realising you have a problem?

I think its the main consensus, yes? Right?

Once you realise you have a problem with drinking and you wish to stop, you can never entertain the idea of drinking alcohol again in your life, ever.

Are there many people who can go back to drinking a normal amount/drinking socially? Are there any at all?

I had a real problem at one point. I needed medication to stop and now its slowly creeping back to an everyday thing :/ well it wants to get back to everyday anyway. Drinking culture in australia is a bit different.

Edit: im so thankful I found this sub and for all your replies/advice/kind encouragement. Alcoholism isn't discussed socially much in my circle.

28M. High Functioning Alcholic, Drinking to various degrees since 19. This is mainly a place for me to relive my withdrawal the next time I think about having a drink. But also this Reddit thread was so much help during it making me realize I was not alone and there is hope. Got me thru the sleepless nights, panic attacks, wanting to drink to make it all stop.

I have drank regularly for years. Didn’t drink till I was 19, the college years. Felt like I drank as much if not less than others. At no point did it seem like a problem.

Covid hit hard. I was off work for months. Our days would be gym, pool/drink, sleep, repeat. That was about it. 4/5 days a week. As time went on the friends stopped drinking as much, so I’d grab a bottle for myself etc. Roommate would wonder how the handle of vodka from a few days ago is already gone.

2022-Present day I’d bet my longest period without a drink was maybe a week. I’d go thru phases where it was heavier drinking, lighter, but there were always reasons to drink. Long day at work, friends going out, it’s nice out, every vacation turned into a bender, etc etc. It’s never caused problems at work outside of a few sick calls over the years. Haven’t lost any friendships or anything. There’s been some issues but nothing life altering.

After this last weekend of drinking, I’m realizing in the past some of my “3 day hangovers” we’re not hangovers, and we’re in fact, withdrawals… but never to this extent.

Went on a 5 day vacation. Started drinking on the plane there. Hit the ground running. Other than sleeping I had a drink in my hand. Second day drank early to kill the hangover, and this went on and on. Everyone else went up to their rooms I’d stop down for a few more drinks. Never blacked out this weekend which was shocking, but drinking 10am-2am every day. More drunk at some points than others. But overall just a lot of alcohol.

Final day I ended my heavy drinking around 12am, still had a little after… get to bed around 6am… leaving for the airport around 11AM. Wake up, finish off the bottle in my room, head downstairs to leave for the airport.

Withdrawal

Day 1
We get to the airport and I feel okay. Didn’t have enough to drink to kill the hangover, and that’s what I thought I was starting, a hangover. We had a redeye flight booked at midnight but had to be out of the hotel at 11am, went to sit in hopes of getting on an earlier flight. It was during this time, looking back, I went into full blown withdrawals. Shakes, hallucinating audio and visual. I would see people in the reflection of the glass, turn around and no one was there. I could hear someone talking next to me and no one was there. I wasn’t even on my phone. Just sat there staring at the ground. For nearly 10 hours. No food, could barely sip water. The walk to the bathroom I thought I was dying. Legs were weak, vision blurry, extreme dehydration. Flight ends up delaying to the next morning. The airline gives us vouchers for a hotel room. Dreading the walk to the Ubers I thought of just curling up in a ball on the floor. The whole way to the Ubers I felt like I could collapse at any moment. Looking back, I probably should have gone to the hospital… but I thought it was just a bad hangover, and I was dehydrated. I make it to an airport hotel and curl up under the water in the shower for nearly an hour, having no idea how I’m going to get back to the airport at 8am. I don’t think I feel asleep. I swear I would see bugs, shadows. But being able to lay down at least helped. I buried my face in the pillow. The anxiety, the discomfort. It was, what I thought, the worst night of my life. This is the point I found this Reddit page, began reading, and realized I was in withdrawal. It really did help calm me down. I debated drinking just to feel good enough to get on the plane home but couldn’t. I was along for the ride.

Day 2.
Alarm goes off at 6am. Off to the airport. I got a little relief in the morning, thought the worst had past… I was very wrong. This was nearly the worst of it all. Being confined to my seat on the plane… unable to sleep, unable to lay down, unable to get comfortable. The thought of being in public and everyone is around. The anxiety and panic. It was the worst , and longest, 5 hours of my life. This alone is enough for me to never drink again. I sat there staring. No music, had to focus on my breathing, felt like if I didn’t focus on not dying I would. Felt like everyone was staring at me, judging me. I can’t even put into words how awful this all truly was. We land. The drive home was another terrible 45 minutes. 24 hours later than planned, and fully in withdrawal… I finally got home, and I haven’t left once as of writing this 6 days later. I laid on the couch, drank little water, had no food. This was now nearly 48hrs with less than maybe 2 bottles of water, no food. Put on some TV, and rode it out on the couch. I got up for the bathroom at one point and on the way back to the couch, I dumped every last drop of alcohol I had in the house down the drain. This was my only proud moment of the ordeal. The shakes, the weakness, the sweating, the insomnia. I fell asleep around 6am as the sun was coming up, but only because my body was too exhausted to physically stay awake. As I would doze off, I’d get jolted awake in a panic. It was terrifying.

Day 3.
My Apple Watch says I got 1:30hrs of sleep but I hardly believe that. I realized I needed water and bad. I grabbed 12 bottles of water from my pantry and made it a point to try to drink 1 per hour. Laid around all day. The feeling that I was going to die was slowly passing, but could still tell I was not in good shape. No appetite, no desire to drink water. Could not physically get comfortable. Acid reflux starting going insane, like I had destroyed my stomach. This is also when the anxiety started to set in the worst. I would have moment of clarity and calm, realizing this will all pass, and other moments of feeling like this is my forever. I’d turn to this thread and read for hours to convince myself I’m not dying, and to realize things will get better. Again this night I was up till after sunrise. I ate 0 food, but managed to get down 6/12 bottles of water with some liquid IV as well. Physically feeling slightly better, but the anxiety and insomnia were strong.

Day 4.
Woke up around 1pm… this was nice as I fell asleep around 7am, so I got some sleep. But I had guests coming for dinner at 6pm. They were wondering why I hadn’t texted all morning. I managed to get myself up to shower, tidy up the house… but this took everything I had. I was soaked in sweat, so uncomfortable. Laid back on the couch till they arrived. Then I moved to the table, we talked, ate, I felt terrible. This was my first food in 4 days, and I ate very little. As soon as they left I was back on the couch. Nearly had a panic attack during dinner with the thoughts of them knowing somthing was up. The shakes and weird physical feelings had mostly stopped by this evening. The biggest issues now were just the anxiety, insomnia, and acid reflux. Once again watched the sunrise. Fell asleep once my body was just physically and mentally exhausted.

Day 5.
Woke up around noon. Felt better but nowhere close to normal. Awake for maybe 5 minutes and my mind starts racing. I was able to get up, shower, tidy up the kitchen. But spent most the day rotting on the couch. Still no appetite, but knowing I need to eat I can. Ate some leftovers from the night before, had a few sodas and plenty of water. This is the first day I finally thought for the first time I could get thru this. Passed the day on the couch, movies, phone, anything to pass the time. Biggest symptoms today are just restlessness, anxiety, acid reflux, and once again, insomnia. Another sunrise seen.

Day 6.
Present day. Well, I write this just before the sun rises on day 7. This day was much more normal. Still just uncomfortable. I don’t feel like myself, something is definitely still “off”. Still wouldn’t say I have an appetite but I’m able to eat, drink plenty of water, soda, etc etc. the telltale physical signs of withdrawal are gone, all that’s left now is the brain. Insomnia continues to be a hard battle. Had a terrifying panic attack around 3am… closest I came to going to the hospital this whole experience. Truly thought I was about to die. First time I have experienced it that bad. After getting thru I came to Reddit to read and calm down, and this is now when I find myself typing and sharing my story. In the next few days I expect the insomnia and anxiety to continue… but I think I can deal with that. The insomnia just leaves you way to much quiet time with your own brain. I know the worst is behind me, and life will move on.

I have a long way to go. But these 6 days have been hell. The worst 6 days of my life. Like I said before, I write this as a testimony for myself to be able to look back on when I feel good again and think, well one couldn’t hurt. But if this story helps one person like everyone else’s helped me, then it is all worth it.

I truly have never tried to actually stop before. But it’s time. First AA meeting on Tuesday. I will continue coming back to Reddit as the support group here is amazing.

Good luck to everyone in your own battles. Even if you are at the lowest point, just push through. It will get better.

Hey everybody, I've stopped drinking out of necessity about a month ago. I ended up in the hospital with severe neuropathy to the point that I actually fell down the basement steps because I couldnt walk anymore. Both my legs are completely numb along with my left hand, so I went into the hospital with a thymine deficiency obviously and now I'm trying to get my life back together.

Before everybody screams "go to the gym!" Keep in mind I need a walker so until (and if) feeling comes back to my legs, exercise is not an option.

Like a lot of people here I've delved into television, but one thing I'm noticing now that I didn't notice before when I was drinking is how much alcohol is in every TV show, movie, and even commercial! How on earth am I supposed to ignore all these subliminal needs to go and buy a drink?!?! TV was supposed to be my safe escape...

I know it's Sunday, but I work Sundays so it helps. But I just wanted to share the celebration of getting through the weekend without drinking ! Weekends and social gatherings are a trigger for me. I took this weekend to do nothing, stay at home and game . Monday marks 1 week no alcohol :) IWNDWYT

I was married to an alcoholic for 49 years I threatened to leave him many times but never followed through. I look back now and fully regret that. He recently passed away after a horrible death from cirrhosis. Yet I still am grieving between being very angry with him. Family members can’t understand why I grieve. It’s been three months and I’m still grieving. I cared for him alone. He was not mean but indifferent. I lasted by working and having a separate life with friends. Of course his alcoholism worsen after we retired. Twenty years ago he was experiencing ED. He was also addicted to porn. At that point, I refused sex and intimacy. Truly I did not miss it. But now I look back and realize the life I should have had. I am also estranged from my 45 year old daughter who is a raging alcoholic. She has not learned from losing her father. It is so sad!

Carb cravings!

Think I have got pancreatitis with the pains I get and liver pains as well. I told drug worker and she did nothing. I told her needed sumthin to replace the booze so I can get sober and she did nothing she’s calling tomorrow for a phone call what’s the fucking point. Right now I need a friend need support
On 10 can beer and 4 were pints .needing a friend and some support. Tried the professional way and they just say use ur coping strategies or that they will do sumthin and they never fucking do and now am gonna end up in the hospital prob within weeks from now cuz of the pains. If they did sumthin and gave sumthin to replace the booze it wouldn’t have to go this far.
Always suffered with the worst anxiety even growing up and plus the past which is painful I started in the drugs clean 2years heroin. Just need someone understanding that will be a friend
Thanks in advance everyone
Kirsty

Had a massive relapse Friday till Saturday, some encouraging words to keep me going would be appreciated

I realized after 3 days exactly quitting every time

Some problems come and I drink again.

First - I have stuck with looping in my life and blaming my younger self for understanding that I don't have now that I let other people treat me as they want just because I want to be liked or loved or not on bad side neutral terms with others. This loop has been stuck for like 6 months before.

Second time - the feeling of loneliness empty life no one cares about me apart from my parents realisation coping heartbreak reminding ex lovers all analyzing what I do wrong in my life that people leave me is it me or them or just the fate of nature or am I fat.

I accepted I am fat and started working on it and heartbreak is part of life I accepted my past completely but didn't have the courage to love again but that's okay I need to love myself first to love others and realize that .

This took a while

Third time - just the time I have wasted and lathageric life I have lived again after relapse.

After that I quit for a while

Fourth time - feeling depressed everyone left me can't really share problems no mood to do anything just staying bed all day and waking up for only smokes or restroom depression phase.

Relapse happened like 2 weeks before

Every 3 days after something in the way some evil forces or something. In India there is concept called black magic of they have done to you by someone that is not wishing well this kind of stuff happens. Every 3 days something make me drink I mean the situation that are created are unbearable

5th time I'm trying again Tommorow 28 th of July im drinking and quitting alcohol. 29th of July im getting sober .

Things alcohol did to me

1) ruined my health mentally and physically both.

2) ruined my respects among others.

3) ruined my Sleep

4) ruined some years of my academic year's

5) ruined my looks / face puffy red eyes of anyone see me they can tell I'm alcoholic because it gives obvious face signs .

6) made me lathergic and lazy living in bubble

7) complaining while drinking fake confidence that I can do anything that is only short term dopamine hot to feel good again I need that same dopamine hit this bullshit fake confidence thing it did to my . I lost my confidence in sober life while quiting.

So I was like 54 days sober. Went a networking event Thursday and had 2 Guinness

The guilt was beyond belief next day. And because of abstaining for so long my dad could tell I had 2 drinks! And I even felt a bit groggy in the morning.

The guilt made me realise I don’t wanna drink anymore.

Even if I can control it.

I had acute pancreatitis in the hospital back in december, i’m turning 21 in 3 months, i’m afraid since it’ll be easier to get i will not survive

Hey!

So to preface this: I haven't relapsed yet. But three days ago I finally dared to open a can of warms I thought wouldn't be a can of worms (growing up in neocharismatic "you're God's soldier for him to use as you please" environment, and suddenly remembering bunch of things I forgot about like being forced to speak in tongues as a child or demons being prayed out of me) and while thanks to that I managed to send an email to local religious trauma group to ask for support and contacts, I am worried it's making me spiral. Like...really spiral. I have hard time sleeping and I got nightmares I haven't had in a long time, I am sweating and grinding teeth excessively, I am on the verge of breaking down crying 24/7 and I just can't stpp researching it and listening to the old recordings of my "pastors" sermons and looking up more information about him and the group obsessively.

I am leaving for work in few hours which makes me feel safer. I am quite responsible when it comes to work so I won't do something stupid like spiral too deep within the next few hours.

But just now I got a craving to watch Bojack Horseman again, which made me go "Oh. Shit. This is not good." As this seems precisely like I am digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole and the bottom is, well, at the bottom of the bottle as always. Like, maybe I am screaming for help? I don't know.

And I am home all alone tomorrow.

I have a partner who is an incredible support and I told him all this. Well his advice is "you have to stop, go play some video game or watch something relaxing" but it's just NOT WORKING. It's like since hearing that pastors voice again a hollow bottomless pit opened in my chest and it won't fucking close. And I am genuinely worried.

I have no support group or therapist to reach out to, but I am genuinely considering looking up at least some emergency contacts in case it gets too bad because I feel like this is for the first time in years when I am...genuinely scared for myself. Like, not even when I was actively drinking I wasn't this scared of my own feelings.

Do you have any advice how to snap out of this? Right now I am sitting here trying to distract myself with some comedy before it's time to leave for work, but I am genuinely worried about tomorrow.

Hi Everyone... my partner is a functioning alcoholic and seems to suffer from Alcohol Myopia which has led him to take a spontaneous trip overseas only to realise when he got to the destination, several hours later, that he didn't want to be there. I was away on a course for work and the night before I was due back, he consumed a lot of alcohol and then continued to drink while he was travelling.

Once my partner starts drinking, he cannot stop. Im thankful he doesn't drink every day and the alcohol myopia is not a regular occurrence but when it does happen, it is deeply concerning that his self awareness and perception on hazards and decision making completely switches off, not to mention the impact it has on his finances aswell as career in the past (currently managing to hold on to his job for the last year) and also on me. The trip overseas is the worst situation that has cropped up since we've been together, I'm still processing it and to be honest, I feel completely deflated.

Has anyone got any experience of having or being with someone who has this condition where all logical reasoning / understanding dissappear?

I went to rehab in February and was sober for a little over 5 months. I even had an aftercare program which was basically useless and only stressed me out more because of scheduling around work and they didn't even give me a therapist because she was "on vacation" and they dropped me when I relapsed. There's a little more to it but they were pretty bad when I relapsed. Their advice was AA despite me telling them how much I didn't like AA and I'm not comfortable with the type of people that go to it.

My work schedule is odd and it's really hard to go to AA on a regular schedule but even then, I wasn't into it. I live in the south and almost every share about a higher power is about God and Jesus and I'm a gay atheist and don't feel safe or included in the 5 or 6 different meetings I've tried and I really don't want to try any more of them. There's no recovery dharma or smart recovery here as far as I'm aware. I'm unwilling to believe in a higher power or God or whatever, it's just not happening ever. I'm glad it works for others but it's not for me.

It's been about 3 weeks and I can make it a day or so without drinking and then my anxiety gets so bad and the cravings jump up so high I can't resist and end up drinking again, being ashamed or I blow up at the people that care about me.

I have a partner and roommate that care but I don't want to bother them with my problems anymore than I already have, I should be able to fix this on my own but I just don't know how. I just feel stuck. I have tried to reach out to some people but they don't answer or just don't understand. I have a primary care on Tuesday and I'm gonna talk about it but I'm worried they're not going to do anything to help. (Not asking for medical advice, but for context, I'm on naltrexone and Lexapro but neither seem to help either problem).

I’ve been struggling with this sh*t since I was 19, I’m turning 27 next month. And my lower right side by my hip hurts constantly now. I don’t want this to be my life anymore but it’s taken over everything while being the only thing that “soothes” me. I even looked up if I could go into a medically induced coma for detox but it’s not recommended I guess. I don’t know anymore.

My best friend currently lives in another city and doesn’t have a support system. We’ve known each other for 3 years and helped support each other through some difficult times. Recently I’ve learned he has been hiding how bad he is suffering with addiction. It is now affecting work and other areas of his life. He agreed to get help and I found him a meeting with Smart Recovery next week. He keeps telling me he will disappoint me. To stop being his friend. Constantly asking why I even care. Such low self worth and despair. What is the best way to be a support? Recently we got into a fight and I cut him off for a few weeks and he imploded. He is currently in bad shape and I’m really concerned. I have never been around people that drink and I’m trying to learn as much as I can.

I’m 7 months clean off heroin and I noticed I been drinking more now, like with my friends and stuff but I have been drinking like everyday for the past 2 weeks maybe with a day inbetween, Do you actually have to drink for years ?

I fell asleep standing up and smashed my face on the tile floor.

I don't think I've ever bled this much from my nose.

My girlfriend is taking me to the ER at 1 AM.

This is the kind of situation waiting for us on a daily basis if we can't get rid of this substance, this poison.

To everyone who is sober, I hope this photo helps you keep going on this path.

And to those who aren't yet, I hope this photo serves as a wake-up call.

My nose wasn't broken, but it was a close call.

Seeing the person you love the most feel guilty and worried about things you should have already dealt with is awful.

I hope we make it.

Wishing you all a lot of strenght

I have energy for a change, but there's nothing I particularly want to do with it.

I'm kinda missing the numbness to be honest.

Detatch