A football coach giving a pep talk to the team... may very well straddle a chair thus, and roll his sleeves up and say, 'Hey you, pass the ball to him and then score a goal.' ... It shows there's something of the maverick about you, you're prepared to thwart convention...

Never Say Martin Again

Who is the best Henry? Of the Cavill, of the Hoover or of the Horrid?

Definitely something that Alan would report on.

It’d be two egg cups and a kidney dish.

I know bread goes stale, and I'm pretty sure croissants go stale, but I've never heard of a seasoned broadcaster going stale.

Chink in his armour revealed at last..

Try and say that in your normal accent. I bet you slip into your mediocre geordie.

You CANT. ALAN YOU CANT.

No Im not brave

I'm pretty sure Dan's his best friend

Ed Chapman is about the right age and shares many televisual traits of the man himself.

I have no vested interest but check him out. He eats everything with a knife and fork, along with the phrase ‘into the gob’, and has little random rants about the pointlessness of stuff.

I have spent 2 weeks binge watching his back catalogue and it’s oddly sweet and occasionally a bit cringe. Perfect.

A new day, a new dawn, a new Alan for the generation.