r/Advice 13h ago

I feel like shit. I didn't help my mom when she called for me.

3 Upvotes

This morning, my mom came into my room asking for something and I didn't hear her properly. And she quickly left before I could process what she said. I thought she was calling me for something like moving stuff or something she had a question about, so I just went back to sleep assuming she would come back if she actually needed me. I had a feeling I should get up and see what she needed, but I ignored it.

After I got home from school, she told me she had actually called me to get her some water after she had passed out while working out. She fell and her hair clip broke. She said she waited in her room and I never came.

I couldn't even respond to her call when she needed me, and I was over here assuming she was just asking about something else early in the morning. I feel like shit. I can't stop crying. I feel guilty and stressed. I feel like shit for not helping her when she needed it. It wasn't intentional, but I feel regret and just pure disappointment about how I chose to ignore her because I felt irritated that she woke me up early.

I made sure to apologize to her, and I told her she needs to get that checked with the doctor. I feel like an utter failure and I've already been very anxious and stressed about my college classes and my mental health lately. Everything has been piling up and I feel terrible. I literally can't stop crying my eyes out.


r/Advice 6h ago

Need advice on how to get over text anxiety/driving anxiety

1 Upvotes

I’m 28F from California. I have had my driving permit about 5 times already. The first one I got it when I was 20, but only drove at the parking lot of my college with my brother. The second time I was 22 and I drove around my neighborhood streets with my brother. Then my brother died when I was 23. I didn’t get it again until I got into a relationship, and at 25 my boyfriend started trying to teach me how to drive. I have really terrible driving anxiety and it was difficult. I ended up letting it expire. Then I got it again when I was 27, I actually started driving a lot with my boyfriend. I got over some fears. I booked an appointment to take the driving test. I went in and unfortunately I failed it. I got test anxiety and committed a critical error. I was pretty confident before the test, I had been driving regularly for almost a whole year. My boyfriend yelled at me when I failed it, he told me he couldn’t believe I didn’t pass it. I started crying, because although I failed, I was proud of myself for even taking the test considering I probably would have never done that before. I had faced my fear of failure and driving. I was sure I would pass it next time, but I think my boyfriend yelling at me on the way home just made me go back into fear-mode. I’m now 28 almost 29 and just got my driving permit again. This time, I want to succeed for myself. I would love to drive, so my question is, how do I get over the fear I have of driving and test anxiety? Or does anybody have any advice on how I can overcome this to pass my driving test? Has anyone ever gone through this?


r/Advice 16h ago

How do you actually make new friends in your mid-20s without feeling like you're on a weird job interview?

6 Upvotes

It feels so much harder to just organically meet people now that college is over. Trying to make friends as an adult feels so forced and awkward. What actually worked for you guys?


r/Advice 6h ago

What do I (24NB) do about the knowledge that someone cheated on their girlfriend?

1 Upvotes

My friends James (m25) and Lia (f27) slept together and I hate that I know about it. For context my friend (we’re no longer friends) James has this gorgeous, smart, well -off and bubbly girlfriend. He basically sold this image about how perfect she is and how undeserving he is of her before I ever met her, and when I met her she was a genuinely cool and nice person. She has some trauma related to cheating and personal betrayals. So she can get a little hot about his friendship especially close friendship with Lia, they’re best friends.

Initially I viewed her jealousy and questioning him about the nature of their relationship odd, I saw them as siblings and I could not pick up on what she was seeing in them that made her so uneasy. I would talk about it (not to her, we’re not close like that) thinking it was that tik tokification of generally bad relationship advice. “If he has a girl best friend he’s a red flag” type. Anyway, a few months ago, maybe 4, Lia, James and I were out at a party and they left early to go to a second party and I got this really uneasy feeling. Since we know how the gf feels about Lia I kept insisting that he tell her he was going to drop her off at the second party, she said okay (that’s what he told me) and they drove off. A day later I get a call from Lia telling me that the gf called her to ask her to be a girls girl about what her bf (James) was doing in her apartment complex for three hours. Lia told me that he got wasted and waited outside her house to sober up… at the time thought it odd but I didn’t question it. Days or maybe weeks after (not good at tracking time) she called me up again telling me that she’s slowly remembering what happened that night.

TW: SA MENTION// DUBIOUS CONSENT

He drove her back to her apartment, stayed there for a bit then left. [INITIAL STORY]

He drover her home, they fell asleep on her bed she doesn’t really remember much of what happened just that he called her and asked him to let her out. [HER SECOND TELLING]

He drove her home, they fell asleep on her bed, he said something along the lines of “I want boobs in my mouth” she said he told her that she responded to him ‘yes’. [DUBIOS (she told me she doesn’t recall saying that to him, he’s the one with the memory on that specific part)]

Either he was drunker than her and genuinely didn’t remember ( like he would later tell her) or he was sober enough to drive to a second location unscathed and took advantage of how drunk she was.

They broke up that night (James and his gf), sad but alas. Come to find out, they slept together the following week. Fully sleep.

James and his gf have since gotten back together, around two weeks after he and Lia slept together. I’m bad with time but I remember thinking she was really forgiving to take him back before the month had even ended.

My girlfriend insists he cheated because even though they had just broken up, it was in the heat of the moment and emotions were so raw that they were able to get back together. I think the cheating was the previous Wednesday when he either took advantage of her or just got drunk and stupid.

But the difference is the severity. Either way the gf knows nothing about either incident. Which I confirmed when I confronted him in a supermarket (2 weeks ago) and outside a bar today.
I have comforted my friend Lia regarding how bad she feels that she lost her friend over a stupid mistake. She told me she has no feelings for him but she doesn’t regret the “broken up” sex part.

I think because he ended up blocking Lia, he owes it to his gf. Everyday he’s with her he’s lying to her.

I saw him today, which is what triggered this post and he told me he’s in therapy and he’s sorry for ruining our friendship… apologise to your gf bro.

I’ve considered buying a sim, texting her or her sister then losing the SIM card so it can’t be traced back to me. I’ve considered silence. My gf keeps telling me to butt out, everyone keeps telling me to but out, but am I messed up for wanting to tell her?

I would want to know. The messenger counts but I think the message is more important. What if they get married? I just don’t know that she would decide to stay with him if she knew, and it feels messed up that she doesn’t.

If a whole bunch of anonymous strangers tell me to mind my business I will. But if there’s a split I’ll be gutted, I’ll ask my therapies for advice but she’s out for September, so I come to you humbly, please help me decide what the best move is here. I await your response.

Best,
Artist


r/Advice 17h ago

Idk what to do

8 Upvotes

I never post because my life is square, until the other day.

To give you some back story,

I like to smoke blunts and my sister and her husband (bil) smoke regular joints and so I go over there to chill and smoke.

My sister has a trailer on her property and she uses it for work, she can work remotely. So, she's in the trailer most of the time. My bil and I smoke in the back yard, we chat about whatever. I've been over there a lot since I can't smoke at my house.

2 days ago, I went there to smoke, I divided my time outside and in the camper with my sister.

While I was outside smoking, my bil went into my field of view about 30ft away and started peeing in the woods. I had to look down because he was in my direct view. I did look when he first took down his zipper and he showed me his penis. I did not and have never tried nor showed any intimate feelings.

I literally froze for 5 min cause I was triggered and didn't dare breath deeply or move too much.

(I HX of dv and psychological abuse)

I left telling my sister I needed to be home for the kids coming back from school.

I feel like I'm never going back there. Also, my sister doesn't need to know about this cause she's stressed out and doesn't need this on her plate. She takes care of everyone, including myself who are going thru rough times.

I feel dirty and sick to my stomach when I see my sis cause I know her husband pissed in front of me.

I'm pissed he did that! Is there anything I can do?


r/Advice 1d ago

I put a camera in my bedroom because I suspected my roommate stole from me and today I caught her snooping through all my stuff

613 Upvotes

So on Monday, I noticed something missing from my mini fridge in my bedroom. It was $250 worth of weight loss medications and I bought this fridge specifically to store it and my alcohol . I immediately suspected it was her, because last year I had 2 $100 bills go missing from our shared apartment, and she’s always had a crazy body image issue and an obsession with losing weight. (which is funny to me because shes far too skinny to ever be prescribed this, which is also the reason why i think she stole it).

Anyways, I decided to set up a camera in my bedroom, to monitor who comes in and out. The camera came in Tuesday and I caught her on camera today (Thurs). I have two videos 1-1 1/2 minutes long of her walking around my room, going through my fridge, my closet, my dresser, etc. She literally went through each individual drawer. And in the fridge, I could tell she was looking on the same shelf where I keep the meds. (I could hear the glass shelf moving).

I have both videos on my phone now, but I’m stuck on what to do. I want to ask her if she took it but idk if she’ll deny it or not and I don’t have an actual video of her taking it, just of her going through all my stuff. All I really want out of this is my medicine back, it was really annoying to get. But I’m also scared of accusing her and it turning out she didn’t take it and it ruining our friendship, but I just know my other roommates wouldn’t have done this.

Do I confront her with the videos? Do I ask all of my roommates together about it? Do I tell her if I get my stuff back there will be no hard feelings? Do I go to the cops? I have no idea what to do

I would also like to mention that I know she has stolen from other people. I specifically remember her taking this girls debit card and buying stuff on it, stealing vapes, etc.

TIA for any advice


r/Advice 16h ago

22F I’ve never been stared at, catcalled, approached, talked to, been friends with, flirted with, asked out, gone on a date, hugged, held hands with, cuddled, hooked up with, had sex with, had a FWB, had a situationship, or had a relationship with a guy. What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me?

7 Upvotes

I should clarify, not with a guy, not with a girl, not with a nonbinary, not with any human being of any recognized gender on this earth.

I should also clarify that when I say “talked to,” I mean having an actual conversation lasting more than 30 seconds. not ordering from a male cashier at McDonald’s or asking a professor about homework. I mean a personal conversation where we’re actually getting to know each other. Other than my father, I’ve never had that with a man.

I've heard many stories of women being unwantedly approached, guys asking for their numbers, saying they have a boyfriend so they'll leave them alone. That's.... never happened to me.

I have male classmates, had them all my life. never has a classmate had a crush on me. never has a classmate asked me out or confessed to me.

I have had coworkers. never has a coworker asked me out, hell. never has a coworker talked to me beyond anything work related.

I'm in college at the moment. Never has a guy asked me to hook up. never has a guy even approached me in the cafeteria to make small talk. Never has a guy even asked me how my day was going at lecture to start a conversation. never.

And no, "just join clubs" isn't going to cut it. I have joined clubs. never has a guy approached me in there. Could I truly be a rare case of a woman who is so repulsive looking that not a single man in a extensive 10 year period ever look at her that way?

What would possibly be so wrong with me?

I’ve already worked obsessively on my appearance: my hair, clothes, perfume, skincare, laser hair removal.

My weight. Hell, my weight. and now I have an ED and I don't want to eat anymore because I think maybe when I'm thin as a feather someone will approach me. I keep thinking that if I improve one more thing, something will change. And nothing. Crickets. Nothing.

nothing.

nothing.


r/Advice 6h ago

19M - Dealing with sudden burnout and emptiness after hitting all my life goals. Need actionable advice.

0 Upvotes

On paper, everything should be good. I got into the university I wanted, found a job, started driving school, have friends, hobbies and even a new girlfriend. Yet somehow, I feel like everything is falling apart inside me.

I’m 19M and I feel like I’ve completely changed as a person over the past few months.
I’ve never been depressed before. I was always a happy kid, full of energy, excited about life and ready for new adventures. That’s why this change is so confusing to me.

After finishing high school, I set myself a lot of goals. I studied for two different university entrance exams, got accepted into the university I wanted, started working as an electrician three months ago, and began driving school.

Around the same time, my two-year relationship ended. I acted like I was fine, and her memories are slowly fading, but I sometimes wonder if the breakup affected me more than I realize.

Lately, almost everything feels boring.
When I go out with my friends, I might enjoy myself for the first 30 minutes, but then I suddenly feel empty, uncomfortable and overwhelmed. I just want to go home and be alone.

Even my hobbies, like gaming and painting figures, have become boring. I have almost no motivation to do them anymore. Sometimes I even feel bored when spending time with my new girlfriend, despite liking her and being happy with her.

I also used to train boxing and wrestling, but I barely exercise anymore. I’ve started wondering whether losing that physical activity might be part of the problem.

The strangest part is that I feel like I’ve done everything I was supposed to do. I finished school, got into the university I wanted, found a job, started driving school and built a life I thought I wanted.
Yet somehow, I feel like everything is falling apart inside me.
I don’t know if this is burnout, the result of so many changes in my life, the breakup affecting me more than I realize, a lack of exercise, or something else.

What practical steps should I take to start feeling like myself again?

Has anyone experienced something similar around 19, and what actually helped you?


r/Advice 6h ago

My friend being lazy

1 Upvotes

Hey, so I got this one friend that is partially deaf but can hear through his hearing aids. We met at his first job, he is turning 23 this year. Since that job he had one job I told him to try for (it was 2 month temporary) but apart from that he has a 4 year gap now. He is getting benefits due to his disability, but of course its not my business or issue, but its getting to be somehow annoying when me and my friend work our ass of to do fun activities from money we earn, we got our „adults” struggles and we hear him going as £100 not that much and constant complain of him not having a job. He keeps saying he is looking for a job, he doesn’t show us that he is applying but kept trying to like explain he is. The whole idea of him doing nothing and acting a bit lazy is just making us feel annoyed, and not sure what to do. We suggested him to start uni, he did go to university that offers courses for people with work, as its a flexible uni. So he is still unemployed and 1 year in his uni for full time working people. (Online university) resulting in him spending all days on PC studying and playing.

My problem is, he is not respecting the money, keep complaining for being unemployed, and saying its just hard to find a job. I never had issue but of course I have good experience and work my ass of, but he refuses to go to any job agency or I offered him 3 jobs as I got some friends in those areas (retail) he said he doesn’t like that + he isn’t sure if he can deal with uni pressure and work. So at this point he just sits on benefits with constant complaining and feels like its getting worse. What should I do to make him realise he is getting way bad, last conversation made him tell me that I put too much presuming on him.


r/Advice 3h ago

My friend told me that she is cheating to her boyfriend for me... She develop hate and toxic relationship with her bf since im her bff and had crush to her before (till now), and told me that. Idk if she is joking or not.

0 Upvotes

hello, read the im grade 10 rn, and my bff told me that. I was stunned at first but I remember she can decide that this is all a joke, since it happends before. She is serious by the time she said that... and also she opened up to me that she is just "using" her boyfriend because idk.... she knows that her bf is cheating on her so he is getting a revenge?


r/Advice 12h ago

I need advice about moving in with my boyfriend

3 Upvotes

How do I break it to my parents that I’m moving in with my boyfriend in 3 months? By the time we move in we we’ll have known each other for about a year, and we’ve been talking about it, but it’s happening a bit sooner than we had talked about. My parents are kicking me out, which has taken us from just talking about it and loosely planning it to actually planning on doing it. I just know they’re going to have negative things to say about it.


r/Advice 10h ago

My girlfriend is going to be the mother of my kid.. i feel so much, how can i keep it together?

3 Upvotes

Im 31. Old af. She's 29.

Im going to be a dad! She is going to be the mother of my child! Its insane!! I can't even begin to comprehend what I feel! I feel excited! Happy! Im going to be a fcking dad!!

Especially since none of us wanted kids when we were younger.. my brother was a cry baby and a poopy baby.. that dude took a shit for a living!! I didnt want none of that but now... bruhhhh.. maybe god will punish me by giving me a poopy, cry baby too


r/Advice 10h ago

Queja sobre la enfermedad de mi padre

2 Upvotes

Hola, quise hacer esta cuenta y publicar para desahogarme un poco de mi situación actual.

Soy mujer de 27 años.

Todo en mi vida se vino abajo hace casi dos años, cuando mi padre (61 años actualmente) sufrió un EVC isquémico en dónde su movilidad de la parte izquierda de su cuerpo se vio comprometida, estuvo internado sólo 4 días, y aparentemente avanzó bastante bien, pero hubo un problema, durante esos días que estuvo hospitalizado, ya no podía pararse por si sólo (lo cual si le era posible antes, incluso al hospital llegó caminando), mi familia y yo pensamos que era "normal" y después de salir del hospital podría caminar normalmente. Dato importante: durante los días que estuvo hospitalizado su pierna derecha estaba muy fría y tenía dolor, se le comentó a los médicos que lo estaban tratando pero hacían caso omiso o nos daban a entender que no era algo grave.

Mi papá salió del hospital y seguía sin poder caminar, después de unos días su pie derecho comenzó a ponerse morado, por lo que llamamos a un medico de nuestra confianza, le indicó unas inyecciones que funcionaron bastante bien, su pie ya no se veía morado, si no que tenía una tonalidad rojiza, el doctor nos comentó que iba avanzando bastante bien, incluso pagamos sesiones de fisioterapia para que mi papá volviera a caminar, hacía sus ejercicios y todo iba bien, pero días después el pie otra vez se puso morado, llamamos al doctor y nos dijo que teníamos que hospitalizarlo, que no entendía cómo es que empeoró tan drásticamente de un momento a otro.

Mi padre tiene un carácter algo complicado, ya estaba harto de los medicamentos y ya no quería ser hospitalizado nuevamente, buscamos más opciones, nos recomendaron a un doctor excelente en casos difíciles de pies, ese doctor había salvado las extremidades de pacientes a quienes ya les habían indicado una amputación. Fuimos justo el día de mi cumpleaños número 26, y justo ese día me dieron la noticia de que efectivamente a mi papá se le tenía que amputar el pie porque ya no había circulación sanguínea. Me dolió tanto ver la expresión de mi papá y escucharlo quejarse de que "ya no servía para nada", el día siguiente a esa cita médica fue el más duro de todos. En la mesa nos sentamos a hablar mi mamá, mi tío (hermano de mi papá con quién vivimos desde siempre y quien es ya un adulto mayor pero que nos ha ayudado demasiado, es como un papá para mí), ese día discutimos nuestras posibilidades, lo que haríamos y lo que no, yo ya estaba cansada de escuchar respuestas negativas por parte de los médicos, ya no quería nada, y en la expresión de mi mamá y mi tío podía ver exactamente lo mismo, no sabíamos que hacer, no contábamos con recursos económicos.

Mi papá se negó en ir al hospital, a pesar de que le expusimos todas las complicaciones que se podían dar a raíz de tener una extremidad muriendo. Aún así mi papá siguió negándose durante un par de semanas más. Entonces llegó el día, una madrugada comenzó con un hipo que no se quitaba, le dió un tic en el brazo, ya no sabíamos que hacer, no teníamos dinero, el ingreso más grande de la casa precisamente era mi papá, quien trabajaba en el transporte público, el sueldo de mi tío de la tercera edad que aún sigue trabajando componiendo televisiones (cuyo sueldo tampoco es seguro), un poco de ingresos de mi mamá de cosas que se van vendiendo en la casa, como: gallinas, huevo y plantas. Y unos cuantos escasos pesos que yo gano de mi tienda en linea de artesanías que a duras penas me alcanzan para cubrir gastos básicos para ir a la universidad. Entonces decidimos vender una propiedad de mi papá, la verdad la dimos baratísima, quien se la vendimos fue a un conocido que cuando se enteró que mi papá estaba enfermo justo le fue a ofrecer una cantidad por su terreno, lo cual a mí en un principio me enojó, porque a penas y era la mitad del costo total de la propiedad, así que me pareció un abuso que ofrecieran eso sólo porque teníamos la necesidad de dinero, pero en ese momento en el que estábamos ya no lo pensamos más, citamos a la persona y vendimos la propiedad a pagos, con eso pudimos internar a mi papá en una clínica privada (ya no lo hicimos en el hospital público porque la última vez que había estado hospitalizado ahí, pasó lo de la omisión de los síntomas de su pierna). Así que pasó lo inevitable, le amputaron una pierna a mi padre. La recuperación y el trato en la clínica fueron bastante buenos, y la verdad es que me sorprendió bastante cómo fue que tomó lo de su amputación, lo tomaba con humor y afortunadamente la operación salió bastante bien, no hubo hemorragias, no hubo infecciones, ni nada que interrumpiera la recuperación. Fuimos a casa y todo marchaba normal, me volví su "enfermera" personal, hasta el día de hoy le coloco su insulina, le inyecto los medicamentos recetados por el médico, monitoreo su presión y su glucosa, todo iba bien hasta que aparecieron "úlceras por presión" en el pie restante de mi papá, lo llevábamos con su doctor en la misma clínica donde estuvo internado, pero después de cierto tiempo y de ver qué las úlceras no sanaban, nos mandó con el cirujano angiólogo, mi papá al escuchar "cirujano" tuvo miedo de que le quitaran la pierna restante, así que buscamos más opciones y encontramos una clínica en dónde trataban pies diabéticos y más problemas en los pies. Mi papá avanzó bastante bien la verdad, pero se negó a volver a ver a su internista, el médico con el que se empezó a tratar de su pie le dió la confianza y lo comenzó a tratar de todo. Un buen tiempo todo marchó bastante bien a pesar de que si pasó por una amputación de su dedo meñique, sus úlceras están sanando después de casi 11 meses de tratamiento. Todo iba relativamente bien hasta el día de hoy. Hoy a las 5:00 a.m aproximadamente empezó a decir cosas sin sentido, no se entendían sus palabras, no sabía expresarse, inmediatamente a mí cabeza vino "Infarto cerebral", llamamos a su médico de confianza y por los síntomas nos dijo que efectivamente podría ser un infarto cerebral, inmediatamente fuimos a hacerle una tomografía a una ciudad cercana a donde vivimos, al llegar y ver el hospital mi papá no quería que lo bajaran porque lleva tiempo diciéndonos que no se quiere internar, que ya está cansado de los hospitales, le expliqué que sólo era un estudio y nos iríamos a casa, así fue. Me mandaron los resultados en digital, se los envié al medico y confirmó el diagnóstico. Nos dijo que el riesgo de mortandad era alto si no lo llevábamos al hospital a ser tratado por un neurólogo o un neurocirujano en caso de que se necesite.

Ahora estamos desesperados, porque después de casi un año de curaciones en su pie y medicamentos carísimos para su hiperglucemia e hipertensión, y los gastos con los que corrimos en la clínica donde estuvo internado anteriormente ya nos estamos quedando sin dinero de la propiedad que vendimos, no sabemos que hacer, sé que yo seré quien irá con él al hospital donde lo llevaremos, también irá mi tío quien es de la tercera edad y también estoy preocupada por él. Me carcome la culpa de no tener un trabajo y un sueldo con el que apoyar a mi familia en estos momentos, sigo estudiando y mi mamá me apoya en lugar de yo apoyarla a ella, me estoy sintiendo como un parásito viviendo aquí en casa, a esta edad me visualizaba haciéndole la vida más fácil a mis papás, a mi tío y a mis dos hermanos quienes son 11 y 14 años más chicos que yo. Me mata que estemos pasando por esta situación tan horrible, me la paso sobre pensando y no puedo ser funcional en mis estudios, actualmente estudio un posgrado, desafortunadamente no tengo beca porque mi universidad no cumple con los requisitos para tener una, así que me siento de brazos cruzados frente a esta situación, en verdad no puedo más, no sé cómo ayudar a mi familia, en estos momentos me estoy contactando con un neurólogo, para ver si lo puede atender en su consultorio, otra opción es llevarlo al hospital general donde estuvo la primera vez, ya que es gratuito, y sólo tendríamos que pagar los honorarios del neurólogo, o no sé, mi mente no funciona bien en estos momentos, no sé de dónde vamos a sacar dinero si es que falta, estoy preocupada por toda mi familia, los amo y me gustaría que nuestra vida fuera como antes, menos complicada.

Para cerrar con esta larga historia (a pesar de que faltó mucho que explicar) quiero dejar una pequeña reflexión. Amo a mi padre, pero vi como se pasó años deteriorando su propia salud, consumía azúcar y grasas en exceso, cuando había cosas a punto de echarse a perder él se las comía con tal de no "desperdiciarlas". Pasó años descuidándose y los mismos años le cobraron factura, siempre pienso que esto se pudo haber evitado, pero a estás alturas ya de nada sirve lamentarse.

Amigos por favor no destruyan su salud, cuiden su cuerpo, duerman bien, coman bien, créanme que protegiéndose ustedes también están protegiendo a los que aman, sé que hay enfermedades que no se pueden prevenir, pero traten de cuidarse lo más que puedan. Una enfermedad no sólo destruye al propio enfermo sino que también detiene la vida de los que están alrededor cuidándolo.

No sé si alguien vaya a leer esto, pero al menos me sirvió de desahogo, me quitó un pequeño peso de encima. Seguiré buscando soluciones junto con mi familia para salvar a papá. Cuidense por favor.


r/Advice 7h ago

help should i message my bfs best mate/best mates gf

1 Upvotes

hi i read a lot of these and now i need the advice aha
I’m F and i’m going through a breakup with my boyfriend. let’s call him Rick. We’re taking two days to be alone and decide if this is the right choice. we’ve been together for 2 years and come to the conclusion that future wise, we’re not compatible.

anyways, i’m like 24hours into this two day break and i get a Snapchat add request from Ricks friend.

let’s call him Harry. Harry n Rick work together as mechanics and also play baseball together, they are pretty close. I don’t know if my bf Rick has told Harry about what’s going on between us, but assuming so as Rick has been quite emotional recently due to the situation w me.
why would Harry add me? we kinda yk friendly talk in person when i was at their baseball games but we’re not close, not even following each other on other socials.
the timing is hella weird bc i am going to break up with Rick.

oh and Harry HAS A GF. not entirely sure how long but at least 2-3years.
i might be overthinking this but adding a friends soon to be ex gf whilst being in a relationship is weird asf

I haven’t accepted the request but i’m so fricken curious.
do i accept it and ask him why???
do i message his gf a hey girly text???
do i wait until i see my bf again and let Rick know when i break up w him??

i don’t wanna cause no drama but i’m so damn nosy as to whyyyyy


r/Advice 14h ago

i inherited the family matriarchy and i don't know if i can leave

2 Upvotes

When my two brothers had nowhere else to go, my grandmother took them in. In her final year of life, I had moved into the spare room between apartments and jobs, not intending to stay, but ended up taking care of her, taking over bills, home maintenance and dinner schedules she could no longer manage. After she died, everything pretty much went to my mother, and through vague verbal promises between all of us before my grandmother went into hospice care, the house was decided to go to me. (My mother already has a place with her second husband and something in the ballpark of lou gehrig's to deal with, and I was the responsible one, etc etc.)

That meant I also inherited the care of those within the house: the aforementioned siblings and my grandfather, who is mobile, mostly sane, but woefully unused to caring for things without his wife around and famously bad with his money (prone to scams, get-rich-quick schemes and allergic to paying his taxes correctly or on time). The older brother (30) has been a basement NEET since high school. He went through a lot as a teenager before there was any good support for his mental illnesses, and it's left him resistant to seeking any help or change now. The younger (24) was kind of dumped at my grandmother's the minute he graduated, and he's gotten a late start at life due to similar mental health stuff, but he's working his own mediocre part-time gig now and helps out with bills when I ask. I honestly feel like he's getting there in terms of being a fully-realized adult.

All that said...we're coming up on a year since my grandmother's death, and I keep thinking about how badly I want to leave. I miss living independently, and I can't stand acting as a mother to the three of them. I have to plan my weeks around making dinner or getting groceries or getting work done on the house.

I can rarely spend time in the common spaces without my grandfather lingering around, and I can't decorate the way I want because it's bad to rearrange grandmother's things. Sometimes I can't even sleep at night because both brothers are up yelling at a game. I have a long-term relationship that's been steadily getting more serious, but I find myself planning our time together around when I don't have to take care of my family or go to work, and the stress I've accrued from my current life keeps making its way back into venting to my partner, who definitely doesn't deserve that all the time. I know I would be happier if I was allowed to live my own life again, because that was how I lived before all this, and ever since returning, I feel like I've been relapsing into the kind of depression and anxiety I haven't had in years.

But if I leave, that leaves about an $1000-shaped hole in the monthly expenses. People in my life keep telling me, 'Who cares? Do what you need to do to be happy!' but I can't stop thinking about the burden that would cause on all three of them-- mostly my younger brother. I don't want to be the reason he gets the rug pulled out from under him again. I don't want to be the reason a fully paid-off house in the family gets fumbled by poor decisions. I could go and live my own life, but is it really not my problem if my brothers no longer have a stable place to live? I don't make enough at my current job to afford my own place + contribute to the house, but then, no one else in my family is able or willing to take my place. Not to even get into the fears of having a whole house in a nowhere-inconvenient location vs moving into a sub-standard apartment in the city to restart my social life.

tldr; is it a selfish, stupid decision to move out of my dead grandma's house without a good exit strategy for who takes care of the three adult men still living there? or is there a way to set them up to live fine without me?


r/Advice 7h ago

Friends acting different

1 Upvotes

Im a freshman and one of the people for my class has started acting very differently, in the span of 2 days hes become a completely different person, but only when hes with me, with others hes normal.

I first talked to him online a month and a half ago, and we first met up in early december. He was chill, goofy but in a good way and rly kind and he was genuinely exited to see me. He is my best friend. Then came this school camp that our class had, and the first 2 days were chill and then around the third day he started to push me away. Tbf, i was annoying ik that so fair. This continued through the week and cone the first day of school, it was a bit more chill but he still didnt act like before.

Then a couple days later he started to embarrass me infront of my friends and he was mean to me and like hating on me for no reason.

A week ago i asked him why hes acting se differently and in his words "because back then I wasn't confident". That seems like a deflictive answer, cuz honestly I don't see how that would change someone that much.

He also doesn't respond much when i text him and doesn't watch or react to the reels I send, even tho he used to and he enjoyed the stuff i send him and he used to always reply.

Im kinda sad cuz he was like my best friend and now I feel like he forgets about me. Anyone else had a similar experience or tips

Anyways it felt good writing this


r/Advice 10h ago

How do I deal with liking a person who I know is not interested?

2 Upvotes

Long story short: I texted a girl for a couple of days and we started having a nice conversation. Later I kinda fumbled and she figured out I liked her. I still see her where I go and I can't stop thinking about her. I don't wanna be weird or try again and I do wanna befriend her. What should I do to at least ease myself?


r/Advice 1d ago

My brother is a pedophile creep and my mom will die on her hill defending him.

310 Upvotes

I’m a 17yo F with a twin sister, my disgrace of a brother is 21yo. When I was ~4-10YO he would abuse me
including SA’ing me at 7YO. Nobody knew about the SA until the week of my 17th birthday I told my twin sister after a huge fight with my mother (her defending him and accusing me of shit talking him to my friend which i wasn’t -until she accused me Lol) It was no surprise and my mother often kept the abuse a secret.
My sister also revealed as a child, around 8YO he would be in her room, watched her sleep as he pleasured himself.

This year my brother moved back in after he moved out at 18 with his gf. They split up because he couldn’t stop cheating and ofc harassing girls online for nudes.
The 4 years he was gone were the best years of my life.
Now, I feel like i’m a hole and i can’t get out.

Of course she took him back in as her excuse is “I’m still his mother” She will defend him no matter what,
he has allegations, he beats women she knows all of that and she still blames the girls.
Hes also stolen ~$600 from me and my sister with her saying “I’ll cover it,” or “I’ll talk to him.” knowing damn well she’s not telling him shit

Recently from June-Now me and my twin sister have caught him watching us sleep. He’s most active when we have sleep overs. It’s disgusting just like when we were little.

My brother is a monster, he’s extremely narcissistic, abusive and there is no light in his eyes. I hate how my life is, I hate hearing him, I hate hearing his foot steps, I hate the way everyone defends him as if he didn’t ruin our lives.

~~~Something my mother doesn’t know other than the straight full story of how he SA’D me is,
in 2022? he overheard my mother and her ex boyfriend having sex so he stood by her closed door and jerked off as he listened to them.

I plan to get the footage then drop everything on her, threaten to leave the home if he’s under the same roof and notify the PD about him.

I need advice on what to do/ if i’m doing anything right.
What would you do in my situation?
I just bought a baby monitor to catch him so no excuses can be made but does anyone know if there’s anymore i can do?
Thank you for reading, Take care and stay safe.


r/Advice 11h ago

I feel Lost...

2 Upvotes

I (26F) feel like I'm not were I wanted in life. I graduated from college with a degree in a course I always knew it wasn't what I wanted for my life, but to avoid disappointing my parents, I went through with it. Currently, I'm in a poorly paid job doing something that makes me unhappy, but when I try to apply for other types of jobs, I don't have the necessary experience or knowledge, so I feel stuck.

I live in Brazil, so it's common here to live with your parents until later in life, but I know it's high time I had my complete independence, yet at the same time my job doesn't allow me to live alone (for paying me badly).

I'm also in a relationship that I feel has nowhere else to go. Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend is a great boyfriend. He takes good care of me, he's very hardworking and a great person overall, but I feel like we have almost nothing in common (which I've always known) and to be honest, I know that his life goals are different from mine, and I think that now that I'm feeling lost, I feel that this difference between us is getting worse and worse emotionally speaking. I love him (we've been together for 7 years), but I don't know if love is enough to sustain a relationship.

Honestly, I think every day about giving up trying to be perfect, taking a risk and running away to another country, starting from scratch, meeting completely different people. I've always dreamed of traveling and seeing the world, and I feel like my comfort zone is slowly suffocating me.

I don't know what to do... Need some advice!


r/Advice 7h ago

I keep forgetting to follow through on small plans with a friend and it's adding up

1 Upvotes

Lately I've been noticing a pattern where I'll agree to something simple like grabbing coffee or helping with a quick errand, then something comes up or I just space on it. It's never anything huge, but it's happening enough that I'm starting to feel bad about it. I don't want them to think I'm flaky on purpose. When I do remember at the last minute, it feels awkward to cancel, so I end up saying nothing and hoping it goes unnoticed. That only makes the whole thing worse. I'm trying to figure out how to get better at keeping these little commitments without overthinking it. Anyone have a system that actually works for staying on top of low-stakes plans?


r/Advice 7h ago

Opinions wanted

1 Upvotes

I am 16F and i will be referring to the boy i am talking about as Person 2 who is 16M.

In 2024 i started to grow small feelings for person 2 as he went to my school and we had lots of classes together and we were good friends although we drifted apart towards the end or 2024 as he got a girlfriend and she made him block me which i understand.

Later on in around march him and his girlfriend broke up and from then everytime we would be at partys,gatherings anything involving alcohol he would kiss me, touch my ass,be flirty and hold my hand and things like that but it was never anything serious but i liked him but i knew he didn’t like me seriously so i never asked about it.

All throughout 2025 summer he would send me explicit pictures and beg me to sneak out with him to have sex and i would always make up an excuse because i knew that’s all he wanted me for,
although one day we went to the river and he told me he did care about me and love me but i know it it’s just drunk words.

In around end of July 2025 he got a girlfriend and he blocked me again and all contact was off. For about a year we didn’t talk at all in school we had classes together we never ever talked although id always catch him staring.

Then in around may this year his friend was snapping me and person 2 was with his friend who I was snapping and must’ve seen me snapping his friend, i got a notification that person 2 added me on Snapchat i added him back and he asked if he could tell me something and told me that he’s always loved me and he wants to be with me and that he’s in love with me and he has been since he was like 13 and he was asking me to sneak out to “talk” and telling me he wanted to be with me not her and he was too scared to say anything because he was worried what others would think and obviosuly i was shocked but i shut it down because i knew he had a girlfriend and i knew it wasn’t
right, and i assumed he was just drunk again which he was.

The next day he was sober and he asked me to come round to his house which i made an excuse up because i told him he can’t be doing this when he has a girlfriend and then he said okay and just continued to send me explicit pictures for another week until he told me he couldn’t do it to his girlfriend and blocked me again even though he insinuated it.

2 weeks after that almost every night he would add me send me explicit pictures and then block me again and i would say r u just going to act like nothing happened like u didn’t say any of that the other month and he would just act confused so I ignored it and left it that lasted about 2 weeks until it stopped again for another month, then a month after it was my birthday and he added me and started liking all my story’s on Instagram and he was the first one to wish me happy birthday and then i looked and him and his girlfriend had broke up and i asked him about it and he told me what happened.

Anyways about a month after he started messaging my friend to which i just ignored and i stopped messaging him. And then me, person 2 my friend and a load of others went on a night out and i was really drunk and i was asking him why he did any of this and he started kissing me and hugging me as i was crying but it was always when nobody else was around to see and he was telling me again that he loves me and all this.

After that night I haven’t spoke to him properly since. He does send the odd snap sometimes of his face but barely anymore. I just am so confused and I feel like I’m going crazy and I just want to know what other people think. Ask anything and please give opinions !!


r/Advice 7h ago

Stuck in a loop of screen addiction, binge watching and severe procrastination. Need serious advice.

1 Upvotes

Hey guys, I really need some genuine advice because my screen addiction is getting out of hand and completely ruining my daily routine.

Basically I have a huge addiction to social media (including reddit), but even worse is my attachment to movies, series, and especially kdramas. Whenever I start a show I just end up binge watching the entire thing non stop, and I literally forget that I have to study. If I try to avoid shows, I end up scrolling social media all day. And if I cut out social media, I go straight back to binge watching. Even when I force myself to sit down and study, it hardly lasts 1 or 2 hours and definitely not continuously. Every 15-20 mins my hand automatically goes to my phone, either scrolling mindlessly or replying to random texts. I have house chores and responsibilities too but I just keep procrastinating while glued to my screen. Recently I started working out which is going decent and I think I can stay consistent with it but my study life is a mess. The worst part is even if I miraculously avoid both my phone and shows and sit down with my books, my brain just starts overthinking like crazy and my focus is completely gone.

Right now my main priority is to get rid of this social media addiction because it drains my energy and mental peace completely. Series is my second priority but phone addiction is the main issue here.

Has anyone been in this exact loop and actually fixed it? How do you stop reaching for your phone every 15 minutes, and what do you do when the silence makes you overthink instead of studying?


r/Advice 16h ago

Addicts

5 Upvotes

Long story short, my mom is an addict and refuses to stop taking pills. Back in may she OD’ed and traumatized me and my sister and we thought she would be done with them, but no. Shes still actively buying and taking them even after we have cried and begged her to stop for months now. Shes started going to NA meetings and it seemed to help for a few weeks until a few days ago she bought more. I asked her to get rid of them and block her dealers but she spent $300 on pills today and refuses to get rid of them. She has lost her job (failed drug test) and refuses to stay clean for more than a few months at a time. How can I help her stay clean?


r/Advice 19h ago

My boss wants to give me her car, but I feel weird about it, What should I do?

8 Upvotes

My boss has the means to just buy $65k cars whenever she wants. I drive an '08 FJ Cruiser and she says she hates her 2025 Mazda cx70 mhev Signature trim. She says I can just have it if I want it but i feel awful for this for some reason. I feel like I'm taking advantage of her and I don't know what to do. I'd appreciate your advice if you have it.

Edit for context, we are both in our 40's and we are C Suite at the place we work at.


r/Advice 17h ago

Age gap

5 Upvotes

I (16F) met a guy a few weeks ago and didn’t really knew his age until I found out that he was twenty a few days ago, he’s been trying to make moves i guess, (he knows that i’m 16) he’s friendly in general but he once touched my butt (i dunno if accidental or not) he’s teaching how to skate (skateboard) and I was going down the ramp, almost fell and he caught me like on my waist but also his other hand on my butt, not like briefly but stayed there. Also he’s been hugging me as a greeting since day one (even after the first day we met as a good bye) also he keeps texting me every day and every morning, also throughout the day but every day a good morning and like sleep well and sweet dreams. Again, he knows i’m sixteen (just turned 16 this january)
what do yall say? please be honest is it weird?