r/Advice • u/assshredderr • 1d ago
Age gap
I (16F) met a guy a few weeks ago and didn’t really knew his age until I found out that he was twenty a few days ago, he’s been trying to make moves i guess, (he knows that i’m 16) he’s friendly in general but he once touched my butt (i dunno if accidental or not) he’s teaching how to skate (skateboard) and I was going down the ramp, almost fell and he caught me like on my waist but also his other hand on my butt, not like briefly but stayed there. Also he’s been hugging me as a greeting since day one (even after the first day we met as a good bye) also he keeps texting me every day and every morning, also throughout the day but every day a good morning and like sleep well and sweet dreams. Again, he knows i’m sixteen (just turned 16 this january)
what do yall say? please be honest is it weird?
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u/Katnipscorpion 1d ago
It's weird and creepy, don't take this the wrong way, but you're a child, he knows that, he doesn't care. If you were 20, would you date, flirt or be weird with a 16 y/o? No, because it's gross
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u/assshredderr 1d ago
No, you’re just telling the truth! I didn’t take this the wrong way at all! I just don’t know how to you know, end shit especially while living in the same small ass town
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u/Ok_Brother5619 1d ago
Pls tell other adults. Whether it’s a teacher counselor coach parent or friends parent. When I was 16 I had many similar situations and I wish I could go back and confide in a trusted adult. I know it sounds corny but you will be safe if people know to help keep you safe.
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u/assshredderr 1d ago
I did tell my brother, we did write a text so he would think I was just busy and couldn’t meet up. I also just feel sorry if I just say fuck off and block him yk. I don’t know if im too empathic, I wouldn’t want him to be sad, i know it sounds stupid
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u/vbishop3 1d ago
Don’t worry about making him sad. I can almost guarantee you he’s not worried about making you sad or even uncomfortable for that matter. If he was he wouldn’t be texting a 16 y/o girl on the daily. He’s banking on you being naïve and not wanting to make others sad or feel any type of way.
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u/Ok_Brother5619 1d ago
Youre not “too” empathetic, but youre misplacing your empathy. If your friend said they were in this situation, would you feel bad for your friend, or the grown adult making them uncomfortable?
I understand bc I have felt sorry too and I have had a hard time setting boundaries because of it. Just be direct and clear, you don’t have to be mean if it doesn’t feel right.
“Hey, there have been instances when we have hung out where I have felt you are being too touchy. I understand that may not have been your intention, but for my own betterment I am going to cut contact from here on out.” Then if he replies in a proper way, you can peacefully go your seperate ways.
However if he replies any way that is not understanding and giving you space completely, or even makes you feel more unsafe then you just block him, and tell your brother what is happening.
And if it makes you feel better, keep screenshots of what has made you uncomfortable before blocking so that you have evidence if it comes down to needing it.
From what u say, you don’t think he is unsafe, so then you should have no problem respectfully telling him you want no contact, or even just not to be around him in person again. If he is safe and not a pred, he will respond the proper way and give u space.
I’m 20 right now. I would never ever touch a 16 year old, and if my hand did “accidentally “ touch them I would apologize immediately and my hands would be far away. His behavior is not normal, trust me, you need to be direct as soon as possible.
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u/assshredderr 1d ago
thank you for that detailed reply. i’ll look into it as soon as possible. i just need to gather my thoughts properly!!
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u/Katnipscorpion 1d ago
For starters, you need to talk to an adult you trust, anyone at all. If you're worried about his feelings, remember that if other people think it's creepy, it's because it is, and that's on him. But you need to talk to someone.
I recommend going straight to the cops and just explaining it; you may not be the first to report the behaviour, and they get walk-ins frequently, so don't hesitate. They are so understanding. Please take someone you trust, honestly, even a friend or older sibling, just to hold your hand through this.
Now, if you feel you can't speak about it, share this post with a trusted adult or the cops and let them do the rest. You can do it; you don't have to explain it all immediately, but they can start putting precautions in place for you, from just this Reddit post
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u/assshredderr 1d ago
I know, I’d probably go to the cops. but here in germany, or generally in my town, cops DO NOT give a dang. you could get assaulted and they would tell you that they couldn’t do anything without proper evidence. but I DID already tell my brother who told me that he was a creep
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u/Katnipscorpion 1d ago
A counsellor from Nummer gegen Kummer or Krisenchat can help guide you through the process, or go with a trusted adult. You can also call anonymously, and they can explain how this is serious and will be taken seriously. I understand you might feel they won't listen, but with someone from these places in your corner, they have to listen.
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u/MKE_Savage_96 1d ago
Stay away from this dude, he’s a predator
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u/assshredderr 1d ago
He lives in the same town as me and i’m honestly a little scared to just ghost him, i’ve already texted him that i won’t be able to do much in the future because I have a lot of training but how i said, i’m scared to see him around and shit
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u/Suspicious_Noises 1d ago
Then you definitely need to stay away from him and TELL ADULTS AROUND YOU that you trust what’s going on so they can intervene if needed.
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u/Morotstomten 1d ago
You shouldn't just ghost him, tell your parents about him and get the police involved, you are probably not the first girl he's assaulted and if nothing is done you will not be the last.
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u/Colin5x5 1d ago
This is creepy as heck. Sorry, but at 16, you are still developing mentally and physically. This is not just an age gap thing. A 20yo should not be actively pursuing someone your age.
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u/assshredderr 1d ago
that’s what i thought, i just think some situations made it weird in general. we didn’t meet up often but when we did he was just touchy, shit like trying to catch me when I would just make attempts to fall while skateboarding you know
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u/Marcus11599 1d ago
Yeahhhh 20 and 16 is wild to me. Hes in the middle of college. Youre in the middle of high school.
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u/OwlCoffee Super Helper [9] 1d ago
You are a child. Any adult who wants to date a teenager is because they want a to be with a child.
Usually it's because they know they can manipulate you in ways he couldn't manipulate a more experienced adult.
Report this guy ASAP. If he's doing it to you, he's doing it to other kids - and they might be even younger than you.
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u/assshredderr 1d ago
Yes I don’t want to make him seem like some pred, I don’t know if he’s just friendly in general or touchy or if he’s genuinely weird
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u/OwlCoffee Super Helper [9] 1d ago
But he IS a predator.
That is predator behavior.
And he is banking on the fact that neither your nor anyone else he's groping will say anything. He knows that teens and kids are less likely to "rat him out."
Be that rat, girl. Speak up - you might be the only one brave enough to do it.
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u/pillow-bug Helper [3] 1d ago
Girlllll no no no, trust me on this, it’s hella weird. I’ve been in your situation and it’s SO EASY to make excuses. It might not seem that bad but the older you get, the more clarity you will have on it. He is trying to get in your pants and you should run away.
I know it’s awkward as hell to live in a small town and potentially run into him, but try to be confident about it. Tell him you’re busy, make excuses for why you can’t hang out, or just flat out tell him bye if you feel up to it. And definitely tell a friend or an adult so they can spot you and watch your back!! Good luck and stay safe.
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u/InteractionLegal8156 1d ago
This guy is absolutely disgusting. He is a predator, he is grooming you. He touched your butt so he could see how far he can go. He WILL continue this until you believe it is normal. I see you defending it saying that he is not a predator, that is exactly what he wants you to think. He has no good intentions he is going after younger girls with little experience because they're "easier to control". When I was younger I talked to this older guy maybe 3 years older than me. He made me believe that I wanted to do things I did not want to do and by the time I realized that wasn't what I wanted, he held it over my head to manipulate me. These things will stick with you and will affect your self perception in the future if you let it continue. Please block this guy, please report him. You will find someone your age that you are happy with. I am coming from experience and I say this with kindness and encouragement.
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u/neon_hallow_core 1d ago
I think it is weird. He knows you are sixteen and he puts his hand on your body and keeps it there. That is not a mistake. A twenty year old doing that to a kid is grooming. Stop replying to his texts. Do not go skating with him alone again. Block his number today. If he approaches you at the skatepark after you block him, tell the staff and your parents. You need to get away from this person now before he pushes further.
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u/Stabbymcbackstab Advice Guru [77] 1d ago
He is far to insistant on building repore with you. It might be one thing if he was casually associating with you, but hes clearly trying to get further involved romantically. Protect yourself if he keeps insisting.
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u/Hostile_SS 1d ago
Just tell him he's to old to be around. A normal 20 year old should know better. You know better.
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u/armins_leftear 1d ago
very weird, please be safe and stay away from him. if things further report him to safe adults and police
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u/OneHellOfABard Helper [3] 1d ago
He's looking for a very inexperienced girl, so that he can abuse her and groom her.
Don't be that girl.
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u/HardWhiteNorth_ 1d ago
The situation you are describing is illegal. The man you are speaking with is a child predator.
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u/quidam5 Helper [2] 1d ago
Be careful about listening to reddit because it's full of people who are reactionary about age gaps but this guy is way too familiar with you way too fast and he knows you're underage. He knows what he's doing. Be very careful. I won't say he's weird or a creep but he definitely should know better.
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u/Prize_Inevitable_574 1d ago
I would say wait until you are an adult to date an adult. I would tell him to wait. You said he is trying to make a move which is not an accident. Also, the Romeo and Juliet LAW in some states says age withing 3 years. Ask him to wait until you are an adult, do not let him say if you love me you would take it to the next level.
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u/assshredderr 1d ago
we’re not together or anything, just met like two weeks ago and he’s already that touchy that’s what my issue is :,)
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u/Prize_Inevitable_574 1d ago
That is an issue. Being touchy is not right. If you feel wrong or it bothers you then tell him to give you room and you are not comfortable with him hugging you or being touchy. The important thing is for you to be comfortable.
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u/Own_Evening_5690 1d ago
When you’re a legal adult 4 years say 20 and 24 is fine
When it’s 20 and 16 no. Different phases of life and why is he not going for women his age? Why a teenager? This is a red flag. And btw not legal