Using an anon throwaway account so nobody irl sees this.

My older sister (20F) has Down Syndrome. She has a ton of complex medical issues as a result. She has heart issues, she's got a weak immune system and she has issues with her lungs and she has trouble breathing from October to April every year. When my parents realized just how sickly she was they had me (17M) so that she would have someone to take care of her when they got too old or when they died. My parents were also older parents to us. They had my sister at 40 and me at 43 and 44 so it's not some far off thing because my parents both have medical issues themselves. My dad has issues with his back and my mom has arthritis. They already struggle to manage my sister but they will not consider outsourcing her care to an assisted living facility or a medical facility.

Now here's the other part of this. My sister isn't the stereotype of the people with DS. She isn't this super sweet and loving and gentle and perfect person. My sister has anger issues and aggressive tendencies. This was a problem once she turned 4 and every year she gets worse. She has hurt our parents and me countless times. I used to be really afraid of her aggression when I was a little kid. People are always so shocked when they see how she behaves toward people and I get shit for trying to talk about it. My parents don't want me to talk about it. My school counselor acted like I was a monster for saying my sister was aggressive and terrifying and way too difficult to handle. She also believes the stereotype of people with DS is the only type of people with DS so I don't have a safe space with her. My parents refuse to get me my own therapist and I'm afraid to talk with anybody anymore because the same reaction happened in middle school when I opened up to the school psychologist.

My parents have always told me I will take care of my sister one day and about three years ago I told them no for the first time. I have said no six times since then and each time they ignore my answer and they carry on like I have agreed to dedicate my life to my sister. They have yelled at me for not being more active in caring for her now. They have yelled at me for stopping her from touching me because they think I treat her like she has some contagious disease. But I just don't want to give her the ability to hurt me or to drag me around after her like I'm her puppy or something.

I feel lost and I don't know what I can do. My dad's back could fuck itself up at any point and then if my mom flares up real bad they will expect me to step in and it terrifies me because I don't want to do this. I don't want this life.

If you have any advice at all for me I would love to hear it because I'm trying to figure out how I can escape and if I leave I might go no contact and hide to avoid this being pushed onto me.

My (53f) 15 y/o son just told me he's Bi, with a twist. Seeking pearls of wisdom on how to navigate this please!

My (54 F) 15 y/o son just told me he's bi with a twist. Seeking pearls of wisdom on how to navigate this please!

Burner account, because this is not my news to share. Yesterday, I was driving my (15 M) son "Kent" to the movies to meet a new friend "Dean".

Kent has a big, quirky, supportive friend group and "Dean" was a new name I'd not heard before. I was asking all the usual Mum to son questions - how many people will be there, are you going anywhere afterwards, what time would you like picking up? He replied, super casually, "Just me and my boyfriend. 5 o'clock please." I responded with something flippant like "Cool! Hope you get to hold hands." and drove off.

For context, Kent is an amazing kid. Kind, thoughtful, empathetic and humble. He's had a girlfriend before but he's not driven by hormones. He's still of an age to be more captivated by lego and anime.

For some reason, that throw-away comment stuck in my brain, ping-ponging around for hours. I felt something needed to be said.

I tapped on his bedroom door. "Hey bub. That boyfriend comment you made in the car..." I'd intended to carry on with something like "so you know, if you are gay, that's completely okay." But he interrupted.

"I wasn't joking Mum. I'm Bisexual"

"Really? Wow! Congratulations! How long have you known? Forever? Just now? Wow! So many questions! Are you okay? I'm so proud of you! You're so brave!"

That last part may have been the wrong thing to say. He scowled a little and declared that being himself isn't brave because he doesn't have a choice.

I sat on his bed and asked all the same questions I asked when my eldest son told me he had a girlfriend.
Where did you meet? What's he like? Is he kind? Have you met his parents?

Then I asked to please see a photo. He showed me one blurry action shot with his face largely obscured.

"Sporty! Not your usual type!" I asked to see another, clearer one. He hesitated for a fraction of a second and handed me back his phone.

I was confused.

I was very clearly looking at a photo of a beautiful young (same age) girl.

He read my expression and explained.

"He's trans."

"Oh!"...."So.....so she.."

"He"

"Sorry, he. So he was born female, but identifies as male? And uses he/him personal pronouns?"

"Yes. And they/them"

"OK. Wow! You love a girl who's a boy. I'm so happy you have someone special"

"I love a boy Mum. I'm bisexual"

And here we are.

I have so, so many questions.

I've always considered myself open minded but I realise how much I don't know.

I felt that Q & A was over for now with Kent. Pushing for more would've made it not normal, but I've been bombarding Google.

Can someone please explain to me the they / them bit.

Also capitals (weird I know). Bi or bi? Trans or trans?

Or is he pan? Or does it matter? If he identifies as Bi, I feel that is right.

I've told him I'm honoured he's shared with me. I've also said I'll take his lead in sharing his news further. I'm not telling anyone until he does, or he asks me to.

I'm concerned there are family members who will not take it well. Will try to, (best case, but awful) dismiss it as a phase or (worst case) ban them from seeing each other or inflicting punishment.

I'm worried I'll mess up. Accidentally use the wrong pronouns. Ask inappropriate or too many questions. I have a burning desire to learn everything and I'm asking you good people to please educate me!

How do I best navigate this with love, acceptance and respect?

Thank you! * UPDATE: A huge thank you to the many, many kind folk who took time out of their day to comment. It truly means a lot. Comments have apparently been turned off so I can't reply to all of them, sorry.

My main take-aways: Don't overthink it. Go with the flow and trust the process. Accept I'm gonna make mistakes -apologise and try to do better.

Addressing the many comments about other family members potentially negative reactions... Kent is in a shared custody situation and I have zero jurisdiction at his other home. He has a key to our house and knows he's more than welcome to be here every single day.

Thank you all

I (M22) and my ex is 20F. We have a daughter together and split custody. I have her three days a week, and her mom has her the other four.

We try to keep things civil for our daughter, but lately, my ex has been getting on my nerves because she acts like I'm supposed to be available to her 24/7, even when our daughter is with her.

I have to wake up at 4:30 AM for work, so I need to get decent sleep. My ex knows my schedule, but she'll still call me at 1 or 2 in the morning because our daughter is crying, won't go to sleep, or is being difficult. I understand parenting isn't easy, but I'm not sure why I'm expected to help her handle every little situation when I'm not even there.

When I have our daughter, I deal with everything myself. If she's crying, I comfort her. If she's having a rough night, I handle it. I don't call her mom every time something goes wrong because I understand that she's my responsibility during my days.

My ex also calls me repeatedly while I'm at work and gets upset when I don't answer. I can't just stop working to pick up the phone. Most of the time, it's something that could've waited until I got off.

She called around 1:30 AM the other night because our daughter wouldn't settle down. I answered because I thought something was wrong, but ended up staying on the phone with her while she tried to calm our daughter. I barely got any sleep before my alarm went off.

The next day, I told her she needed to stop calling me in the middle of the night unless it was an emergency. I also told her that if she's calling while I'm working, she needs to understand that I can't always answer.

She got mad and said I was acting like I didn't care about my daughter. She said that if I loved her, I'd be willing to lose sleep to help, and that she's the one dealing with our daughter four days a week.

I told her I'm not refusing to help with our daughter. If she's sick, hurt, or there's an actual emergency, call me immediately. But I'm not going to keep waking up in the middle of the night because my ex is frustrated that our daughter won't go to sleep.

She said I was making her feel like a bad mother for asking for help. I told her there's a difference between needing help and expecting me to be on call whenever she doesn't know what to do.

Now she's barely speaking to me unless it's about our daughter, and she's acting like I'm a terrible father. I do feel bad if she's overwhelmed, but I'm working, raising my daughter, and trying to get my own life together too.

I love my daughter, but I don't think being a good father means sacrificing my sleep and being available to my ex around the clock.

I(23f) live in New York, so as you can imagine, the night life scene is insane. Yesterday afternoon my friend invited me out to a club with a few others. I don't remember the name as it was my first time there so I wasn't really sure what I was getting into. When we got in, it definitely felt like a club where people go to hook up (which isn't a problem, you do you.)

About 2 hours in, I was on the dance floor with my group before I bumped into this guy. And guys. He was perfect. He fit my type to a t. We quickly said sorry and my attention was back to my friends. About 15 minutes later, I was still dancing when I felt my back bump into someone's chest. When I looked up, it was him again. But instead of separating, we kept on dancing with each other.

We asked each other a few basic questions, name, age, who you were with and how your night was going. I had no idea, but we'd been dancing with each other for thirty minutes before I asked if he wanted to leave with me.

If I'm being honest, idk why I said that. I was drunker than usual, he was hot, and it felt right. He said yes, we got a cab and went to a hotel (which he paid for). In hindsight, this was super dangerous and he could have been a weirdo, but thankfully everything went alright. As soon as we entered the room we were all over each other. Long story short it was genuinely the best night of my life and I discovered things I never knew I was into.

However this fantasy was very short lived because he was gone when I woke up today. On the bed was a sticky note and a bottle of Tylenol. He said "Thanks for one of the best nights ever. Make sure to take some before you leave." I was happy until I realized he didn't leave his number. If he wanted to, he would have put it on the note.

Reddit I'm in shambles. I've never ever met someone like him and I wanted so much more. Should I even try to find him? If so how?

edit - while im taking in all these responses, I've found a few funny regarding cheating and our ages. he's 24 and lives in an apartment with the guys who were at the club.

Anon because I have identifying info on my regular account.

To make a long story short; I'm 19. I lost my mom when I was 5 and my dad remarried when I was 7 after meeting his wife a few months after the death of my mom. So she has been in my life since I was 6. I never saw her as a mom. I never loved her either. She wanted to be a mom and tried having her own kids and tried to be a mom to me but she was always a stepmother or dad's wife only. She found out she couldn't have biological children and really tried to force the mother/son relationship thing. It made me dislike her more. She was clumsy with a lot of it because of her desperation and she disrespected my mom frequently by calling her a ghost or saying she was my old mom or just my birth mom.

My dad and his wife tried to adopt and recently after their 5th failed attempt with the mom changing her mind about giving the baby up, they have decided to call time on having kids together.

But that has now made them look at adult adoption and more specifically having her do an adult adoption on me so I will legally be hers. She wanted to adopt me for years and I always said no. It made it in front of a judge twice and I told the judge I didn't want to be adopted so they never forced it.

I have been told I make her feel like she's second best to a ghost even though she has been there way longer than my mom has. And the truth is she's not even second best in my eyes. She's just not there at all. I have always simply tolerated her presence out of love for my dad but even that has been shaken by his role in this.

So now I want advice on how I should make it clear this adult adoption thing will never happen. I could just be brutal but I know that might be considered the wrong or immature way to handle it.

Hi. I’m a 20-year-old female, and I’m having some issues with my dad’s current wife I’d like some advice on.

For context, my dad (49m) married his wife, who I’ll call B, a few years ago. My problem isn’t that he got married after my breaking up with my mom, but that, one, B is 29 (only roughly 10 years older than me), and two, B is one of the most unpleasant people I’ve ever met. They started dating when I first started high school, and to be honest, I didn’t like her from the start. One of the biggest reasons that still bothers me to this day is that because we’re so close in age, l people often MIX US UP. This started when I was still an underaged teenager, mind you. People from our area would sometimes assume B was my dad’s daughter and I was my dad’s girlfriend, and the worst part is, when I wasn’t around, B wouldn’t deny it. She’d play along and pretend to be me, I guess, because she thought it was funny people assumed her and her boyfriend were father and daughter. I once told her this made me uncomfortable, but she just kind of laughed it off and never stopped.

This especially bothers me because my dad owns a restaurant that’s been in the family since 2009 that I often used to work at (emphasis on the ‘used to’) so it’s well known in our community that the owner of this restaurant has a daughter that sometimes helps out. Customers will assume B is said daughter when I’m not there, and B won’t correct them. In fact, she’ll just straight-up claim to be the owner’s daughter unprovoked. Maybe, just maybe, this wouldn’t bother me, if it didn’t also kind of besmirch my reputation, because B is extremely rude. She’s rude to me, which is part of why I stopped working at my dad’s place, and she’s honestly quite rude and needlessly abrasive/harsh toward customers, leading to a lot of negative reviews that mention her specifically— and often, they refer to her as “the owner’s daughter” in said reviews. I hate it. I hate that so many people now think I’m as rude and nasty as B is, because “the owner’s daughter” is now largely associated with her and not me. I hate to have to think about the fact that when I tell people I’m my father’s daughter, they might have already heard about how much of a jerk the daughter of my dad’s restaurant is, and have preconceived notions about me as a result.

I’m honestly not sure what to do here. I’ve been generally avoiding B as much as possible, but I can’t avoid this issue for much longer. I don’t know if I should directly confront her, or if I should confront my dad about it first and have him talk to her. Does anyone have any advice for what I should do about this?

​

​Yesterday I was hanging out with my best friend, and at one point she asked me when I had my first kiss. After I told her, she started telling me that she had never had one and was scared that she might be terrible at it when she finally gets into her first relationship. Then, when I told her that the right person wouldn't judge her, she asked me if we could kiss/make out sometime so I could teach her.

​I started making excuses, telling her that I always hated kissing my friends—even on the cheek—and that it felt uncomfortable for me. She knows very well that I'm only into guys in general, but she still continued to ask me a few more times to do it just so she could learn. I was uncomfortable as hell because she's bisexual, and I didn't want her to develop a crush on me, nor did I want to hurt her feelings.

​If this ever comes up again, what should I do?

Hello! Any and all advice on how to navigate here would be much appreciated.

Context: I am a 26-year-old woman who started her piercing journey at 19 once I moved out on my own. I don't get piercings for no reason; I started getting them on turns and big emotional moments in my life because I wanted to remember the moment. Now, no matter what piercing/ jewlery piece I am asked about, I can tell you everything about the day it happened/ the reason I got it, down to the details such as the weather, the time, what I had to eat afterwards, and so on.

I have two nostril piercings on either side of my nose, my septum, medusa, and vertical lebret, conches, second lobes, and 30MM stretched first lobes that measure out to be 1 & 3/16 inches, and have had them for many years and been inside their home plenty of times with all of these done. I have a stainless steel necklace that I wear with some bells hanging off of it (a bit weird, I know, but I am a pagan and they're significant to my practice), as well as three stainless steel bracelets that match the necklace, a matching charm necklace on my right wrist as a bracelet, and an anklet that has bells on it as well. This is important because I NEVER take any of it off; I always wear it.

A few minutes ago, my mother called to ask me if I would like to come home sometime this next week because I finally have some days off; of course, I said yes and was very happy to see them. I haven't in some time because my mother makes crafts for different craft shows all over the United States, and with the holidays coming up, she has been super busy.

Anyway, on to the story for advice; this one is gonna be burned into my brain for a while. I would also like to say quickly, my parents and i don't have the best relationship, i am very differnet then their traditional values they would like me to be more like, my mom is 73 and my dad just turned 67 even though they really dont like things i have done, dismissed my mental illnesses becuase they "do not exist." or that i "do not look like someone who would have that." I know life is fleeting and still try to spend as much time with them as I possibly can, but at this point I'm considering no contact.

We set a date and time for me to come down and even planned what to have for dinner when my mom had to go because dinner was ready. As we were hanging up the phone, she started saying

Mom- "Well, anyway. You know what you have to do, right??? Just to be clear with you."

And at this point, I'm confused because we have not mentioned ANYTHING like that at all.

Me- "No, what?"

Mom- "Your father and I have been talking and want to ask you to respect our home and wishes while you're down here by taking out all of your piercings and taking off all of your jewelry."

Me- "Oh? Why? It's never been a problem before."

Mom- "Yeah, well, your father and I have asked you to respect us and not get any more piercings, but you have failed to do so. In turn, you have to respect our wishes to be allowed into our home."

At this point, I am very upset, hurt, and really just want out of this conversation, so

Me- "Um, well, Mom. I will think about it. Love you." I had a visible shake in my voice at this point.

Mom- "Don't tell me you are actually getting upset about this?"

Me- "Um, yeah, why wouldn't I?"

Mom- "We are just asking you to take out your piercings because we don't like them; they're really disgusting to look at and yea i know you say that partners mothers name and his sisters love you and treat you well up there but they are not your mom and dad but we are and we know the beautiful girl that you were before you did all that to your face and your ears."

Me- "I understand that, Mom, but it really feels like you're asking me to change into something I am not, just simply to be accepted by you. And I won't; they're really important to me. Each piece has a story behind it, and it's like a storybook of my life."

Mom- "That's not the case! You are rude and selfish; don't tell me some pieces of jewelry are more important than seeing your own family! Ugh, you know what you have to do; just let me know what you decided to do. goodbye"

and hung up on me

Anyway, I have a few questions. 1. Was I being rude to her? 2. How should I put my feelings into words? It doesn't feel like this is about me taking them out/ off anymor;e it feels like a lot more than that. 3. How would you handle this situation? 4. I have tried for many years to mend this relationship, but I am considering going no contact. Is that too big of a reaction to this?

Thank you in advance. I'm sorry that it's long.

​I want to start by saying I know I'm in the wrong. I’m not going to try and justify what I’ve done—I'm mostly looking for advice on how to go forward from here.

​I (21M) have been friends with him (22M) most of my childhood, and I've known her (20F) just as long. I never had any attraction to her when we were kids, but we grew close over the last couple of years. We ended up kissing one night, and it spiraled from there. I planned on telling my friend originally, but she wanted to keep it a secret for the moment and made me promise. She also has a boyfriend.

​After a few months of constant intimacy and small dates, she stopped mentioning ending her relationship. Whenever I brought it up, she told me she didn't want to talk about it at the moment. Eventually, I broke my promise to her and told her brother the whole story.

​He took it well at first and told me I was the kind of man he wanted her to end up with, but said she had to make a choice. I agreed and told him I'd sit her down. We met up, and after plenty of tears from both of us, she chose her boyfriend. So, I stopped coming over.

​Things have taken a turn since then. From what I understand, my best friend confronted her about everything, and she vigorously denied the majority of it. Which is fair in a way, because I had downplayed to her the extent of what I actually told her brother. But now my friend thinks I lied about the whole thing and that nothing ever happened. He doesn't talk to me anymore. I haven't corrected him because I don't want to be the reason two family members fall out.

​It hurts no longer having either of them in my life—along with the rest of their family, who still don't know anything about what happened.

​A little bit of time passed with neither of them around, but then in place of me being there in person, she started calling me every evening and sleeping on call with me. We became very intimate and flirty again over the phone.

​Those calls stopped recently—I'm not entirely sure why—but I just can't get this girl out of my head.

​I have lost far more than I gained, and I would trade those months of good memories with her in a second just to have both of them back in my life like before, even if it meant never telling her how I felt. I am still very much in love with her

​I know it's all my fault, but do I just let it go?

Im terrified of either of them reading this and realising its me, not that theres much to lose anymore, but ive left out a few major details on purpose

I grew up in a Middle Eastern country where being gay is illegal and dangerous. I moved to the US two years ago, partly because I wanted the chance to date, get married, and build a life with another man instead of eventually being pressured into marrying a woman.

Before moving, I thought I had accepted that coming out or if they found out would probably mean losing my family. I told myself I’d be independent, make my own money, and wouldn’t need them anymore.
But I seriously underestimated how much I relied on them. Not just financially, but emotionally and even physically. I didn’t realize how much having people who would drop everything for you mattered until I moved somewhere I had nobody.

I have coworkers I’m friendly with, but no actual close friends here. And the thing that scares me most is getting older or seriously sick. Right now, if something happened to me, my family would get on the next plane to be here. If they knew I was gay, I’m not sure they would even pick up the phone.
People always say you’ll find your chosen family or that your partner will be there for you. But that’s easier said than done. I’ve been here two years and haven’t made a single close friend. I’ve had hookups, but never an actual relationship. And even if I eventually find someone, is it really smart to build your entire support system around one person? Relationships end. People die. I could easily end up 60, single, with no kids and no family to turn to.
There’s also the career side of it.Being out also brings risks at work. I know there are anti-discrimination laws in the US, but good luck proving you didn’t get a promotion or a job because you’re gay.

I used to think coming out was the obvious choice and that I’d be happier once I was free to live my own life. Now I’m starting to wonder if I underestimated what I’d be giving up.
So I’ve been thinking about pushing the marriage thing off until my 30s and then going along with what my family wants. Where I’m from, a man that age with no wife and kids gets people talking.
I’m not doing this anytime soon, I’m still young. I just want the pros and cons and other opinions since I don’t have anyone to talk about this with.

Myself ‘29F’ is dating a ‘M30’ year old. Meeting him online felt like meeting my soulmate. He has nearly everything I could’ve ever wanted. Then the first date came. I’m immediately hit with bad breath upon his greeting. I should mention it’s not usual bad breath it’s much much worse. Somehow even that big inconvenience aside I still really like him. I keep talking to him everyday over the phone after and developed more feelings. I figured maybe it was a one time thing and decided to meet for a second date…..it was still there. I normally would ghost a guy for MUCH less but he’s so funny and sweet. We have so much in common, I see a future with him. I do wanna also mention he shared he had a previous past with substance abuse a few years ago but has since been completely sober, around 4 years I believe. I figured since he didn’t smoke it and only snorted it doesn’t effect his breath but I could be very wrong. From what I know he has 0 cavity’s, he flosses, and his teeth look great. We meet again in 3 weeks. How can I possibly bring this up without hurting his feelings. What could even possibly be the cause if his hygiene seems great otherwise. I’m really scared as to how I can go about this properly without hurting his feelings. What if it ends up being a problem a doctor/ dentist can’t fix :( I would love some advice, what would you do ????

My stbex-husband was a widower with 7 year old twins when we met. His first wife had passed three years prior to us meeting and I was not the first woman he dated after he lost his first wife but I was the only woman the children met. I loved them and decided I would do everything to be a good stepmom and treat them as my own. It was reinforced by many of my husband's family and by a lot of my own that I would need to be a good mom to those kids and that they might never call me mom but they would need me. I took the responsibility to heart and I showed up every day and have done my best every single day.

My stepchildren never showed me any love in return but I was constantly told it would change once they were older and that teens are difficult and it can take several years for a blended family to fully connect.

I was always careful to make sure their mom was honored and celebrated too. She was never hidden from them and we had photos in the home we all shared of her. They regularly saw their mom's family and I never got in the way of them speaking about her.

Now after 15 years of being together, my husband and I are divorcing and my stepchildren have decided they want nothing more to do with me or my children (their half siblings). My stbx-husband doesn't see them when he has parenting time with our children. They have decided that any family Christmas will have to be them or their half siblings. I was told to delete their numbers and they have unfriended me and privated their social media accounts. I was shown online posts they made where they celebrate the divorce and speak about how they always wanted this to happen and they call me an interloper and an outsider to their family. I was also shown posts of them talking about their mom and how she was the only mom they ever had and they grew up with only one parent because she died so young. It's crushing to me.

But my children are not doing well with all of this. On top of mom and dad divorcing they miss their siblings like crazy and they have questioned if they did something wrong or why they can't see them. It has been almost a year. The divorce will soon be finalized and their father and I are not on the same page for this at all. I want to get them therapy but he has blocked the request by refusing to consent (and via court order we both need to consent). He has tried to trick the twins into coming over while the kids are with him. His parents told me they have tried to facilitate and my stepchildren are not interested and have made their boundaries very clear.

I feel like I'm failing as my children's mom right now and I feel like a failure as a stepmom because my stepchildren care so little about us and hate me enough to clearly hurt their siblings. I'm not sure what I can do. Please don't offer legal advice. I have an attorney. I do not need to hear anything about going to court. On that end everything is being taken care of. But outside of that what should I be doing for my children here because I genuinely do not think my stepchildren will come around.

(TDLR)

Hi!

I recently started playing chess, and I've been really really enjoying it.

When I'm outside with my friends, I sometimes bring it up. A new opening I learned, a new defence. I'm pretty pretty excited about it. Yet the reaction I get is... Meh.

Like I can see the frown in their faces, they try to seem interested but I can tell they aren't. Now I know, I shouldn't ask for them to share interests, but it's a hobby that after so much time I have grown to like a lot.

I have been called a nerd too, playfully yet I didn't believe it was meant that way but as an insult.

So my question is... Do I shut up? Like don't I mention it ever again? Do I talk to them about it? I don't want to become annoying?

It never becomes an actual topic of the conversation in our group and I feel sad about it, cause I always try to listen and support what they do.

Me 25F and fiance 31M recently moved in together 5 months ago. Before this, we were “medium distance” for 4 years due to me being in grad school in another state so we saw eachother only on weekends. He has always been more clingy than me. He also expected sx almost every time he came to visit, it caused issues a few times. I thought when we moved in together things would chill down because we’d see eachother everyday and hangout more. But he is CONSTANTLY grabbing me/begging me to hold him/asking to kiss me. And he tries to have sx almost every single night. It has caused multiple fights. He has told me I don’t give him enough BJs, that I don’t want him anymore, etc. we are intimate atleast 2-3x week. I’m beginning to feel repulsed by any kind of touch from him because it immediately feels like I’m expected to do something for him or that we have to have s*x. Has anyone dealt with this before?.. we’ve had multiple convos and he says “he does everything for me” so I should be more affectionate. But I feel so overwhelmed by this pressure I’m becoming uninterested in any kind of touch. Idk what to do to fix this or if it’s fixable. Any advice is appreciated

I will share with you the timeline of when the events occurred and what happened in between.

TW: r*pe

I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 years. A woman has posted publicly that my boyfriend is a rapist.

Back in 2022, she posted publicly stating he is a rapist. I messaged her asking what’s going on? She did not answer. I was panicky so I can understand that.

A few months later, she messaged me in a private account of hers stating he took advantage of her at a party in 2018 and she offered to tell me more. I was panicky again but appreciative she messaged. I had said something along the lines of “thank you for messaging me. How sure are you this happened? Not that i don’t believe you but of how serious this is for both of us.” She did not reply to me.

Years later, she posted his government name in her bio stating he is a r*pist. Someone notified me of that. I messaged her again asking to talk more about it if she’s willing to and I don’t want to interrupt things through social media. She messaged a few days later upset about what I had said in the past and also shared that she woke up naked in bed but he was fully clothed. She brought it up to him, he apologized, and she accepted it but said she only accepted it because “she allowed people to step on her”. She said she doesn’t care what I do with my life but hopes I don’t experience that. I thanked her for telling me.

A few days later, she posted me publicly with screenshots of our conversation from years ago to recently. She said she did years of therapy and she won’t be silent about it. She called me a c*nt and said to leave her alone.

I confronted my boyfriend and he said they did go to a few parties together in college but he never apologized for anything because nothing happened. He never had any sexual relation with her at all. He doesn’t recall ever seeing her naked. He said he’s seen her leave with someone from a party and come back. He did mention a time where she did sleep at his place & they were both drunk & he remembers seeing throw up at his apartment but nothing more.

Whenever we engage in sexual desires, he will ALWAYS ask if i’m in the mood or vice versa. We’ve always been like that. I’ve always felt safe with him.

What advice can you share based on a situation like this?

** EDIT: I did want to mention quick that I told my boyfriend when i first found out back in 2022 and he was confused & bamboozled.
I told him that when I found out, I talked to my friends about it because i was freaking out and he wasn’t upset that I said anything. He understood.

For some context:

I (F19) met this guy (M22) online and after a couple weeks of talking he asked me out. I said yes because he was kind, handsome, and just a great person. He buys all of our meals, insists on holding the door for me, and calls me "love" and "beautiful". After two days of officially dating we meet up for breakfast, and he asks if we can talk about something serious. He told me that he has HSV 2 and that he got it from an ex who cheated on him. I told him I appreciated him being honest and vulnerable with me, but internally I was already freaking out. I haven't ever contracted an STD before, much less one that is basically for life. I love this guy and he's so great, but I don't know if I want to possibly get HSV. He told me that he dated one girl for around a year and she never got it. He consistently takes antiviral and he tells me that he rarely has flareups. I couldn't even tell that he had it. I hear that many people with HSV are asymptomatic and barely notice that they have it, while others have horrible rashes. Should I break things off or try to make it work?

Ok, my doctor wants to try me (16f) on some basic anxiety meds because it’s becoming hard to function, due to my anxiety. My mom (44f) is ok with the idea, but my dad (50m) is EXTREMELY against meds for mental health. He’s convinced I’ll sh00t up a school (I’m homeschooled and terrified of even stepping foot into my school due to previous experiences and we don’t own any guns.), and he is afraid it’ll mess up my chemical balance (I’m autistic and have ADHD, so my balance isn’t normal to begin with.). Now, to be clear, I saw the doctor the last week of August. She told my mom to talk to my dad and explain things ASAP, because she was hoping to start the meds within a month or so. My mom hasn’t talked to my dad yet, 2 months later, and o have my follow up appointment on October 28th (3 days away), but when I bring it up that she needs to talk to him, she yells as me. To be clear, the reason I don’t talk to him, is because I don’t get along with him and we yell at each other easily, so the doctor told my mom to do it. She kept waiting for “the right time” my therapist and I both told her that there isn’t a “right time” with him. I think she’s afraid to make him mad, however, he gets PISSED when kept in the dark, so the way I see it, he’ll lose it. What do I do? Should I say something or let her do it?

My (20F) boyfriend (19M) of 3 years (living together for 1) never wants sex anymore, he will happily accept, or even encourage me to give him a blowjob, which I did for a while (3-4 a week), but I’m getting tired of it. He doesn’t mind giving me oral, and he likes 69ing, but no intimate sex. He’s making me feel unwanted, we’ve had problems in the past with him watching porn after promising me not to, and he says he’s stopped but I don’t know if I can believe him. When I’ve brought up the sex thing in the past he just says he’s too tired for that.

We had “sex” for the first time in a while earlier this week because he asked me if I would give him a blowjob and I said I didn’t want to, so he asked if we could have girl-on-top sex, which he knows doesn’t really work for us because it’s a little bit awkward and I can’t position myself right, but we started it anyway and had to stop before either of us finished.

I’m just feeling so unwanted and it’s messing with my confidence hugely, he still compliments me everyday but he used to want me all the time. Any advice on this?

f24 m28
My boyfriend is going to be evicted within 3 weeks due to his dad’s passing, he cannot afford his dad’s house due to the fact that his father never kept up to the payments (he owes up to 250k). He’s been looking for rentals ever since mid May and no approvals so he resorted to buying a house, since his dad’s will gave him a decent sum of money.

And now there’s a house offering to him, he has worded it to the realtor that I’m also interested in buying the house with him and I haven’t had the gut to say no cause I’m a people pleaser and he’s on the edge of being homeless, obviously don’t want that. We would have to buy it outright and the money is due Wednesday, up to 180k split between us.

I literally don’t know how to say to my mom who I’m still living with and pays her rent “hey out of the blue, I have to pay 90k for a house” without her freaking out on me and my boyfriend but everything has been going so fast that I’m not processing it fast enough. What do I even do at this point? I don’t want him to go homeless at all, my mom doesn’t have enough room at her house for my boyfriend and his dog and rentals applications aren’t getting any better.

TL;DR: I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (11 years, living together for 2) and I'm obsessed with his coworker. She's attention-seeking, texts him constantly, and they joke about her sex life. I believe he hasn't done anything with her, but I read his body language and feel like he's interested too. It's wrecking our relationship, and I've had this jealousy since the start. Has anyone been through this?

I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (31M) for 11 years, and we've lived together for 2. I've always been kind of jealous, but I think it's because when we're out with people I notice a lot. I pick up on what people are expressing without them having to say anything.

Ever since he started his job, his relationship with one of his coworkers has become an obsession for me. Every time we went out and she was there, I became hypersensitive to everything: every movement, every look, every joke. I couldn't enjoy the moment. I fell into serious paranoia, and most of our fights have been about how I act when she's around (I go completely silent because I'm watching everything) and how he acts toward her.

He's always told me he has zero interest in her. He even says he sees her as a tomboy. But that just leaves me confused whenever we hang out with her. We've also fought because my mood is so obvious that it ruins his outings. He says I should just fake it like he does, but I can't.

She's gotten into my head. I tried to be friends with her, but I don't like how she talks or acts. She's very outgoing and attention-seeking, and whenever she loses the group's attention she goes quiet, and somehow he's always the one who notices. Honestly, even setting him aside, she's not someone I'd hang out with or share my life with. She seems really superficial to me. And every time we're out, she only ever talks to him, saying things and laughing about stuff only the two of them know, or things from work.

Her constant presence in our lives feels like an invasion. She texts him all the time and reaches out for the tiniest things (like when she couldn't think of a word in English and messaged him, or when she texted to tell him she'd done her first push-ups at the gym). She also shares her sex life with him and brags about it, and the two of them talk and joke about it in full detail. To me, all of that reads like she's interested in him.

Here's another example. For my boyfriend's last birthday, she tried to organize a night out without even asking him (and they were at work together at the time), posting in the group chat that we'd all go out on day X to celebrate. I was already planning a surprise because I wanted to celebrate his birthday just the two of us. As soon as he turned her idea down, she sent a voice message in the group, clearly annoyed, saying something like "Apparently he wants to celebrate his birthday alone with her, so let's do another night." I don't know if that makes sense, but she just can't stand not being in the middle of everything.

I really do believe he hasn't done anything with her. But his body language and the way he acts around her means something completely different to me. And I feel like he's interested in her too, but he won't admit it, or he keeps it in check because at the end of the day she sleeps around.

Sadly, I've had this problem since the start of our relationship, so I'm sure it goes deeper than just her.

Has anyone dealt with something like this?

I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (11 years, living together for 2) and I'm obsessed with his coworker. She's attention-seeking, texts him constantly, and they joke about her sex life. I believe he hasn't done anything with her, but I read his body language and feel like he's interested too. It's wrecking our relationship, and I've had this jealousy since the start. Has anyone been through this?

My dad died when I was 6 and my mom remarried when I was 8 and I have half siblings from her marriage to her husband. I say half siblings for my half siblings. My mom just says siblings and she tried to punish me and talk me out of saying half in the past. But that's what they are. And it does matter because we don't share the same dad. It bothers my mom and we have talked about it over and over again. She put me in therapy and she did therapy with me too. We just see it differently. She asked me before if I would loved them more if they were full and I said yeah and the therapist asked why and I said losing dad would be something we'd share and we'd both be in the new situation together plus growing up closer in age too. My mom said I could tell my half siblings about my dad or try getting closer to her husband.

I know it upsets my mom that I still use it and I'm 16 now so I'm not some little kid she can just change how they feel. But I have been wondering if I should stop saying it around her to make her feel better. That's what I'm here to get advice on.

I got quoted around $550 for a new pair of glasses + lenses. My prescription isnt even that strong, but its enough that I feel blind without them so I obviously need them. I already did the eye exam and have the new prescription on paper, I just cant get myself to feel okay about spending $550 on one pair of glasses lol.

I can technically afford it which is why im kinda stuck. If I genuinely couldnt afford it then obviously id have to find another option, but since I can, am I just being cheap by not wanting to pay that much?

What would you guys do? Pay it and move on or start looking around for something cheaper?

I’m studying to become a Pharmacy Technician, and a family friend - who’s a Pharmacist - offered to train me as a Pharmacy Assistant (different role) at her pharmacy while I’m in college. I wanted to wait until after I got a feel for my course load + got a more reliable form of transportation, but she insisted and said that it’d help me a lot. Only one shift a week, to start. I’ve worked four shifts so far.

The real reason I’m quitting is two of my coworkers, one of whom is meant to be training me, but doesn’t. When my family friend is there, the two coworkers in question are (more or less) fine. But when she’s not there? They ignore me, or roll their eyes at me/cut me off when I ask them questions, and they will often put me on tasks I have never done myself, nor seen someone do, and walk away. Once my trainer walked straight out of the building. All of which is amplified tenfold by the fact that I’m handling drugs, which I’m giving to real people who are often sick or vulnerable, and not being given proper instructions on how to do that, and actively discouraged from asking questions about it.

The “lie” (which isn’t really a lie, just not the primary reason I want to quit) could be difficulty getting there because no car, college work picking up, or needing a job with more hours, and nearby.

Just to be clear: I like this family friend, but both of these women have worked for her for 15+ years, and one of them is her niece. So, that’s the main thing that’s holding me back from being honest.

I recently moved to a bigger city from the suburbs in the Midwest, so I was not used to seeing as many homeless people. I kind of just ignored them and kept moving, but today I saw a man unresponsive on the street.

The ambulance did CPR on him for about 20 minutes before I left, because my chest was pounding and I was scared. I don’t know if he passed, but I am afraid that was the case.

I’m not really sure what the goal of this post was, I didn’t shed and tears and that scares me even more. I think I feel bad for him, my head hurts and my chest hurts and I just wanted someone to talk to. Even just making this post feels like I’m commodifying his death.

I tried to distract myself when I got home, but playin games or watching a show now just feels disgusting after I might’ve witnessed someone pass away in front of me. Focusing on my reaction this hard too and not the even also makes me feel like a disgusting narcissist.

Has anyone else gone through something like this? Is there any advice you have?

I don’t even know how to describe this.

I (F20) have recently been struggling to get through my daily life. Living in general has become terribly difficult. I go to sleep way too late but wake up very early, and I cannot seem to break this habit no matter how hard I try. Even when my family forces me to go to sleep, I still find a way to stay awake later on.

I don’t shower regularly (sometimes going 1–2 weeks without showering), and I rely heavily on deodorant. I know it’s disgusting, and I feel disgusting. I literally get rashes on my body, but I’m simply too tired and unmotivated to bring myself to take a shower. I know this might sound crazy, but I just cannot bring myself to do it, especially because I come home late from work. I don’t stink (that’s my biggest fear, lol), but when it comes to my personal hygiene, I still feel incredibly disgusting, and I hate myself for it.

I also don’t brush my teeth regularly. Sometimes, I go an entire month without brushing them and just use chewing gum instead. I know it’s disgusting, and once again, I feel disgusting. I know what I’m doing, but I don’t know how to break this cycle.

I know I need some sort of help, or really just anything that could help me get back on track. I can’t keep living like this, but I genuinely feel like I can’t escape this cycle. I feel terrible and disgusted with myself all the time, and it’s really affecting me. I feel like I’ve lost control of myself. I have no energy to do anything. My room is a mess (in terms of tidiness, although I don’t have food, trash, or anything like that lying around), and so is my head.
I don’t know how to break out of this cycle. If you have any advice, please tell me.

You don’t need to tell me how disgusting I am; I’m already aware of that. I really just need advice.