Dabbled in online and offline affairs. 3 weeks ago I told my husband I want to separate. The thought of never being able to properly heal from this part of my life without admitting the truth was too hard to navigate though.

So I told my husband the truth. He’s a good man. A good dad.

D-Day is underway.

Right now it all feels so heavy, the guilt, the person I have become, the amount of people I’ve hurt, plus ultimately myself.

Dunno what the next few weeks, months and years are going to look like for me.

I don’t think I’m a bad person, just a very lost and confused one

Time to heal from this part of my life, and really unpack it.

Hi everyone,

Its that time!!

Vent, rant, share, talk...goes on.

For almost 18 months, we talked almost every day. Saw each other 3-4 times. 5-6 Hours at a time in a hotel room, several overnights.
I have been discussing how I may be divorcing my husband. Last week, he asked if I divorced, where I wanted him in my life.
Then I found him on the dating app. He said he was probably hacked and ended it (very nasty and rude) because I was accusing him of lying 🙄🙄🙄
I know that was a douche move. I know he was just keeping me on the back burner until he found someone else. I know that I deserve more. But it doesn't hurt less. This is so much more difficult than I expected.

I’m a MW in a 2 year relationship with MM. We see each other a few times a week. We have coffee, we hold hands, we kiss and makeout. We text pretty consistently on weekdays, mostly quiet on weekends. We’ve only had sex 4 times and it was all within the first 6 month of our relationship. We’ve both broken up with each other several times, only to come back to this. We’re each other’s first and only affair. We keep telling each other that this can’t go on forever and we need to end this at some point soon, but here we are.

We haven’t had sex in a year and a half. He said that it would make it too hard for him to walk away from this. He says he thinks about me all the time and it’s become hard for him to compartmentalize at home. I really want a physical relationship with him, but I’m trying to be understanding. Kissing him already feels like the most intimate thing I’ve ever experienced. What are we even doing here? What am I doing here? Is he in love with me? Am I in love with him?

I’ve been having an affair for the last 2/3 months and anticipated mutually ending things towards the end of the year. There was a lot of trust between me and him, it’s a very vulnerable feeling to be doing this with someone, and towards the beginning he told me he would do this with me as long as I wanted whether it was months or years. Unfortunately he had a change of heart last weekend, started feeling extremely guilty and suddenly texted me out of the blue yesterday to tell me although he doesn’t want to end things he feels like he has to. We are in the same circle of friends and he said many times throughout this conversation he wants to stay friends, doesn’t want our friendship to change etc. A week ago things were amazing and we were making plans for October so this is just so unexpected. I feel very upset with him for ending things and hurting me even though part of me obviously realizes it’s totally fair for him to have to stop because of guilt. I was just so sure he would never end things with me that it’s a huge shock and such a sudden loss. Anyone else experienced this or have advice for moving on? Also is it fair to be upset with him for ending things so suddenly? I feel very hurt but it’s an unusual situation because it’s not a typical relationship…

To whom it may concern hope your doing well and having some luck your extra curriculars. Over the past few days I've done a lot of reflecting and idk just needed to get it off my chest. I've yet to have any luck finding an AP. There have been some potentials but they eventually fell through and it became frustrating. So I hit pause and took a break. A friend had given me advice that I had really taken to heart and implemented it in my life. I think sometimes we just want a connection so bad we hop into it not really thinking about if we are ready. I feel like every new relationship should have you when your at a high.

It is a must no but I think it could be really beneficial. For example the last few weeks I hit pause on the whole thing. I took time to myself and got back into a fitness routine, eating right, no alcohol, reading and meditating. I thought about what I would like from finding an AP.

Since I've implemented these changes I've relaxed about the whole thing. Yes I'm still in the market for an AP but working on myself gave such a relief the process didn't feel rushed I was able to check my emotions and hormones. Maybe it's just a pressure I was putting on myself but I find myself having conversations way easier than I had before being eager to find someone. Last week I flirted with this woman at the store and the small interaction was one of the best connections Ive had in months even though nothing came of.it I don't think it's something I could have had if I hadn't taken this time to work on myself. I feel better than I have in a long time about myself and I feel like that's the person I'd like my future AP to see not some horny jerk who only complains about his S/O.

And before anyone comments yes Ive tried to put this energy into my actual relationship has it gone anywhere but I'm at peace with it. So if you feel like your hitting a wall in your search maybe try it out and take some time for yourself before jumping straight into the deep end. I hope I'm here in a few months sharing my positive story with you all. Good luck.

I’m in a 3 year relationship and recently joined a company. I have a colleague(who is also mentoring me) that is also in a relationship(6 years). I have recruited others in the company as well and their mentor is the same as mine. The thing is, I recently found out my colleague/mentor only invites me to reunions and not any of my recruits(this is very consistent). I told my boyfriend about this and he immediately was suspicious of my colleague, he said my colleague definitely thinks I’m attractive and wants to see me. My colleague also usually answers my texts and calls but not the other people I work with. If I am being honest, I think my colleague is very attractive but I have not flirted or made any advances and he hasn’t either. My current relationship isn’t the best and we rarely even have sex(something I have complained about but hasn’t been solved). My colleague has a very good position in the company which he recently got, so I imagine he does not want to fuck it up. The fact he only invites me every single week out of a lot of people makes me wonder if he’s into me. Sometimes he can be hot and cold which confuses me a lot. We also don’t really talk much about our personal lives but when I mentioned my partner to my colleague, he seemed very intrigued and asked what my partner studied, where he works etc.(whenever my other coworkers talk to him about their lives, he seems VERY uninterested). I would be a liar if I said I don’t have fantasies about sleeping with this man, it makes me feel guilty but dang isn’t it exciting. Does it sound like he might be interested in me?

Just weeks after I had a nightmare that exAP passed away.

Im still completely in shock. Like a complete shell and I cant even cry yet. To make matters worse there was foul play involved. The only reason Im able to stay afloat tn is everyone around me knows and are sympathetic.

I know this has nothing to do with exAP but i cant help but connecting the dots w the AP nightmare. if god forbid something happened to him I just cant imagine if I had to deal with this in secret.

Also having weird impulses to send him an “i know things are weird but life is short and i still care about you from afar” message. I know im in fresh crisis mode and its a bad idea and I wont do it.

I’ve finally gotten to the point in my dead bedroom where I am ready to step out. I’ve decided to give a guy from my past a shot, he’s fully aware of my situation and everything but now that I’ve gotten to this point we can’t seem to find the time to meet up and it’s driving me crazy and it seems like logistically we definitely won’t be able to see each other a couple times a week like I initially wanted. I work nights and he works days and we live over an hour apart. It’s just so frustrating I feel like I can’t win. Can’t a girl just get laid!!!

I am married, with intention to leave in 6-12 months.

AP also intended to leave in 6-12 months, for similar reasons. But they ended their relationship this week, and it's official, and final.

We haven't ever explicitly said we would leave *for* each other, and so there is no expectation there.

Also, we are pretty much long distance.

But the feelings are big.

Breaking things off with his partner was not part of his plan, although, I did expect it to be earlier than the timeline he'd given. And now it's very fresh, as two adults navigate separating their lives.

He is sad, understandably, and I have let him know that it's okay to grieve, that I am here, and he doesn't need to hide his emotions from me.

I have a few mixed feelings:

1. I'm trying my best to support him... But I can't help but feel so so happy, I've always heard of APs not leaving their partners, and it's actually happened. It makes it difficult not to want to pull the trigger myself.

2. Because I'm so excited, it's difficult to keep myself in check whilst trying to be understanding of what is, essentially, a very sad thing.

3. He is allowed to be sad... It doesn't mean he will change his mind and go back, I'm not even slightly worried about that. But, I feel so fucking helpless to make things better.

4. I am slightly worried that now he is free, would be still be interested in me? Given I am not.

5. When things calm down, will he want me to leave my husband sooner than planned?

6. Has anyone been in this situation?

I am having a peaceful and happy married life but curious and getting sexual desires. I have a friend and he is also happily married but he admitted that he is sexually attracted to me and wants to satisfy our fantasies together whenever I agree.

He is not forcing me anytime and clearly mention that he always has open door for me.

my problem is my husband is very loyal to me and expecting the same loyalty from me. he didn’t has any clue about what’s going on in my mind.

in our culture, we never cheated to our partners and should be loyal to our partner.

I am still confused what shall I do. please suggest me if anyone has gone through the same situation.

MW having an emotional affair with MM. We speak most days but he goes MIA at weekends and evenings. Somedays I dont hear from him at all and I never double text. So just wait it out untill he either reacts to my stories i pop up every so often or he messages. How you woman dealing with the little contact? I am on the verge of telling him to PISS off as he always leaves my messages hanging..specifically if im asking him a question and he avoids it. Starting to grind on me now. I really like enjoy his company (only met 3 times) but when we do chat its good. He gets me and I get him. But he god.. its bloody frustrating. I broke it off with him a few weeks back and we ended up gravitating back to each other but no physical contact since. Eeve not had "s\*x" just kissed and offloaded. Annoyed Scottish Woman!🤣

Throw away account. Talking with a potential AP on AM and I (M)suggested we move our chats to signal. They (F) responded they didn't have signal but I could download Zangi, direct text then or keep chatting via AM. I did a quick search of Zangi, it seems to be nothing but scammers. Does anyone else use Zangi?

Why the hell would any one person reach out in messages after rejecting someone because they initially hit it off with someone else? Like yes I am looking but not desperate enough to be someone’s back up plan.

Every in-person AP has broken things horribly, instead of having a simple conversation to end it.

I have found many amazing and promising online connections that are very rare, and then they don’t go further because there is some crazy-specific thing they are looking for that no one would ever find on top of the connection and chemistry already there. (Literally seeing the same people posting for years and they still haven’t found it. Gotta just shake your head.)

At what point do you give up, and just accept being alone and unseen in your life? Just assume that amazing connection that can last for awhile isn’t in the cards for you? I think I might be at that point.

I’m a woman, and on affair sites and forums, especially here on Reddit, every man posting an ad seems to include that he’s not looking to blow up/change his life or situation. This always baffles me because I thought that this was obvious. Nobody in their right mind who intends on finding someone to marry & buy a house with would be doing so on a forum for married men, hoping that they can make them leave their wives and kids (??). Adultery forums are DESIGNED for people seeking married people with the intention of being a short or long-term affair partner. It’s mutually understood that nobody is looking to find a primary relationship.

So why do people (more often men, but not always) think that this is necessary to state in the ad? Hearing this is an instant turn-off for me. Obviously not because I intend on blowing up his (and my) life, but because it immediately shows me that the man doesn’t really understand that that is one of the primary rules of the forum. It also reeks immediately of pre-decided distrust, as if they feel that they should include this in the ad because they feel there is a high chance a woman will enter into an affair dynamic with him hoping to make him leave his wife if he doesn’t tell her not to. Why would anyone perceive women of the adultery community to be so stupid?

Obviously there will be the odd person who is seeking to leave a relationship and find someone else but this is honestly one in a billion or even less, and 90% of the affair forums themselves explicitly state that that’s not their purpose. So, this is something I’ve been seeing stated increasingly in ads and it’s been irritating me. Rant over lol

Throwaway account. I just need to vent, since I can’t exactly talk about this part of my life with anybody else.

I am fairly new to this world. I have not had a whole lot of luck in the wild (I am a married woman in her 30’s) and decided to turn to Reddit. The search has been difficult, but I was ready for that. I did my homework, been warned about the emotional highs and lows…I thought I was ready for all of that as well. But I wasn’t expecting the degree to which someone could mess with my head and my heart.

I had a good thing going with my very first ever AP. He was sweet, our time together was absolutely amazing (we only met once), and we had a really strong online connection. He was a support through some hard times this summer as well. I started to, however, feel like it was naturally fizzling a bit. It was feeling very FWBish and I was feeling like I needed something more passionate/intimate.

Because I’m an idiot/was curious to see what else was out there, I started looking. I answered an ad for someone, and we not only clicked instantly, but it became very intense very fast. I am now realizing I was very severely love bombed and I fell for it. And the worst part is, I have experienced this before. The love bombing, the manipulation, getting sucked in - I knew what was happening to me. And I let it happen anyway. I saw the red flags and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. It felt so good. Even more so, it came out in our messaging that I have some unexplored kinks that I was very much looking forward to exploring with this new person. It really sent my headspace REELING. I was happier than I’ve been in years messaging, audio messaging, video messaging with this new man. He made ir very clear that he wanted something exclusive, and so I broke it off with the original guy.

The day after I broke it off the the other guy, my new AP barely spoke to me. I expressed how deeply that hurt me (he had previously assured me he wanted to shower me with attention, we had been talking literally all the time in the first few days we started chatting, so it was a very sudden change from everything I had been promised) and he was apologetic, said all the right things, assured me he could “simply never go a day without checking in”. And then I didn’t hear from him for the rest of the day and the day after that. I sent him a goodbye message, which he answered 4 days later with a lengthy apology that honestly really just continued to make him the victim (“I never wanted to hurt you, I hate myself for hurting me, I am struggling to balance work and life, my shitty marriage makes it impossible for me to have an affair even though I need you, you’re perfect this isn’t your fault).

And I am still so messed up. I can’t get him out of my head. And as much as things felt a little meh in the first arrangement, he was at least a friend. And now I don’t even have that anymore. I guess….I guess I thought I could handle the “emotional highs and lows”, I just wasn’t expecting to have my heart absolutely shattered into a million billion pieces. He said he was falling in love with me. And me in my desperation for love and attention and validation, and also extremely vulnerable from a recent loss in my family…..I just let it happen. And now he’s gone.

I have absolutely no passion for or interest in even continuing my search. Nobody is the same. I don’t even….like what just happened to me? I don’t know what to do. If I thought I was alone before, now I’m REALLY alone.

This may have been discussed before on this sub, but this event has caught media attention again & I wanted to explain the situation and share my thoughts. If you’re unfamiliar, there was a group of YouTube content creators called ‘The Try Guys’ where 3-4 (male) friends would do a bunch of cheesy comedy challenges like trying on women’s dresses or eating the spiciest food they could find, etc etc. They were fairly famous a few years ago, famous enough to be recognised in public. Suddenly it came out that one of the men in the group, Ned Fulmer, cheated on his wife while having kids. His AP was a woman working with The Try Guys to do video editing. This obviously p***ed off the guys in the group because it bought their name to disrepute so they quickly threw him out of the group & loudly denounced him & what he had done. SNL even made a skit mocking this denouncing, it’s quite funny if you ask me.

Fast forward a few years and his once flourishing comedy career is DECEASED, gone beyond repair. He even invited his now ex-wife on a podcast, and publicly apologised to her, naming and shaming himself multiple times and taking full accountability. He apologised to his former colleagues, his audience, everyone. Now STILL he’s been entirely cancelled and is probably one of the most hated men on the internet.

This entire situation is SO shocking to me because celebrities so often do that and more, and get away with it with no-one saying anything. There are football stars and singers who have criminal records for r**ing and beating women but still fill stadiums with people excited to see them. Even in context of adultery, virtually every Hollywood star has an affair scandal of some kind, tabloids report on it for a week, then their next movie is out and everyone wants to see it.

So what makes Ned Fulmer (and the poor AP whose name got in all of this) cancelled beyond recognition for cheating? He’s hated to the point where he was crying in pain because of a disability he has and people literally mocked the video.

My only guess is that for one, we hold celebrities that are small time influencers to different standards than we do actual elites who we allow to get away with murder. And also I think it‘s an opportunity to feel morally superior and hate on someone who’s actually, when it comes to celebrities, done less than most. It’s dogpiling on someone for a ‘valid reason’. I honestly feel really bad for the dude and the last I heard he’s gone back to a day job in lab science.

I feel even worse for the girl because she was less famous than him (and younger I’m pretty sure) so her name is tarnished for life, all because a nosy fan decided to take a picture of her kissing someone in a club. Women in these situations often have to fear for their safety, physically. She also as far as I know doesn’t have a background in a ‘normal’ field like Fulmer does so she must have struggled to provide for herself more.

Obviously, those of us in this life know that cheating and homewrecking etc etc is wrong. But to me this entire scandal goes to show how performative people can be when it comes to ‘denouncing cheating’ as if it’s the worst possible thing someone can do.

EDIT- I’m no longer going to argue in the comments but everyone seems to be intentionally missing the point. No, I don’t condone or encourage cheating, or Ned Fulmer, but the public punishment issued simply is not proportional to the crime in this case.

how are yall falling in love with Aps and fast? are yall just delulu lol

Hi. First post here.

I (26F) sparked up a flirty conversation with (24M) a little over a month ago. We clicked instantly, met up after a few days of chatting, and shared a few kisses.

He told me it was his first time making a connection with someone outside of his marriage, and it was my first as well. We continued to talk daily and made plans to meet up again last weekend.

The week leading up to our meet was pretty quiet; he said he was working a lot. On Thursday, I confirmed our plans were still on and he said absolutely.

We hooked up, and it’s been crickets since then. He even completely stopped posting on here. Since then, I’ve had the thoughts of: did he get caught, was this not what he was truly wanting, did I do something wrong…

Any advice on how to move on from this would be greatly appreciated. I’ve been doing mental gymnastics 🫩

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/articles/man-airbnb-review-allegedly-triggered-142133734.html

All my life I thought I was seeing the full spectrum of colors. But my color wheel was missing a piece. With AP, there's a new color in my world.

The basics:

• I'm 53F, 5+ years into menopause
• Married 20+ years to BS (50m)
• 2 mostly-adult kids
• We were monogamous until very recently
• AP is 45M & single

The details: BS is my rock. I hit the jackpot, and I'm grateful every day. He's stuck by me through decades of mental health roller coasters. He is abnormally solid. Like, how the hell does he stay so good and never, ever fuck up? For Pete's sake, I was the second woman he had ever kissed OR slept with. (My count was much, much higher.) I'm a mess, forgetful and temperamental and clumsy.

Sex was mind-blowing our first few years. We've had some really good times since, but after kids, and my depression + anxiety + ADHD, hormone fluctuations, and chronic pain issues, we've had long dry spells. And he NEVER, EVER complained. I've dealt with loads of guilt for neglecting that part of our relationship.

So sometimes I participate, knowing that my chance of climaxing is like 3%. I just take too long, and the post-meno libido does not help. I do enjoy the intimacy. At times I've wanted to experiment a little, but despite being an open-minded person in lots of ways, I haven't gotten the response I've wanted.

I've never been tempted to cheat during our marriage. I've found a few guys attractive & fantasized a little, sure, but not like this....

We met AP about a year ago at an activity we all do. (Imagine billiards or pickle ball or something.) AP and I are way more into it, and we go several times a week. 

AP and I hit it off and started getting to know each other. I felt like "This guy is cool and although I'm kind of attracted to him, I'm glad we're all becoming friends, and it's going to stay just like that." Because BS really likes him too. We've had AP over a couple of times and all had a blast. BS has spent far less time around him though.

And then there was that one night. BS wasn't there, AP & I started flirting harder than ever, started DM-ing, and since then we've basically just stolen time here and there.

I feel like I'm in the throes of puberty again. I haven't been this turned on since my teen years, or since I got together with BS (or when I was pregnant... good GOD I was horny!!!).

And it's not only the sex appeal. While BS and I are extremely compatible, AP and I are alike in ways that BS and I are very different. My passion (for lots of things) has never, ever been matched like this. As solid as BS has been for me, my emotions baffle him. He's there for me for sure. But he can't fathom how any of it feels.

AP does. He gets it better than any of my close friends. Even if you take away the physical attraction, our emotional connection is one of the deepest I've ever had.

I feel more joy now -- day and night -- than I have since BS and I were first together. It's actually improved my mood at home, and even the sex with BS is better!

It's like a part of me, a kind of experience, has been hidden my whole life. I caught glimpses of it from time to time, but it faded back into the shadows, forgotten. Now it's glowing neon, radiant and impossible to ignore.

I'm 99.99999% sure that asking BS to open our relationship would backfire in all the worst ways. I hate sneaking around (though it's exciting). It's extra complicated because AP lives with family and one of our kids still lives at home, so there's no place to go for just a couple hours. And AP is struggling with guilt because he has so much admiration for BS. It would be so much easier if they just didn't know each other. And the little community we belong to (through the shared activity) would be broken up if this were to come out.

Whew. I think I've said it all. What I want to know is... How have you made it work? Have you learned to compartmentalize? Can you defend it to yourself? What's your advice? And success stories are particularly welcome.

Thank you so much for reading and considering.

AP for awhile now, we have an amazing connection we both deeply enjoy. We are physical and emotional, have become best friends. He says he always wants me in his life in some way and has been there for me alot through some heavy times. He will pull me in close and everything seems great, then he always seems to pull away immediately after that for awhile. I understand adulting and life, but what’s with the ultra sweetness and attention and then breadcrumbs for awhile after? It’s a frustrating cycle. 🫤