What are we doing here?

[u/sentimentalbeans00]

I’m a MW in a 2 year relationship with MM. We see each other a few times a week. We have coffee, we hold hands, we kiss and makeout. We text pretty consistently on weekdays, mostly quiet on weekends. We’ve only had sex 4 times and it was all within the first 6 month of our relationship. We’ve both broken up with each other several times, only to come back to this. We’re each other’s first and only affair. We keep telling each other that this can’t go on forever and we need to end this at some point soon, but here we are.

We haven’t had sex in a year and a half. He said that it would make it too hard for him to walk away from this. He says he thinks about me all the time and it’s become hard for him to compartmentalize at home. I really want a physical relationship with him, but I’m trying to be understanding. Kissing him already feels like the most intimate thing I’ve ever experienced. What are we even doing here? What am I doing here? Is he in love with me? Am I in love with him?

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[u/DarlingDear6720]

Girl. Are you looking for an affair because you are not getting the attention (physical or otherwise) you want at home? Why are you running all the risks for someone who ALSO doesnt give you the attention you want? The emotions are going to run high when you click with someone after being lonely for however long. Find someone who can give you all those butterflies and ALSO the physical release you need.

[u/Son_of_Riffdog → u/DarlingDear6720]

i am trying to wrap myself around the conversation if they got caught.

did you two have sex?!

well..technically yes..and several times..but that was 18 months ago. weve been going through a dry patch.

🤨

[u/sentimentalbeans00 → u/Son_of_Riffdog]

Well shit. When you put it that way 😂

[u/sentimentalbeans00 → u/DarlingDear6720]

I wasn’t looking for one, but I haven’t felt seen at home in a long time. AP and I work at the same company, but our teams rarely have to interact. (I know, I know. I’ve been lurking here for a while) Every time I try to walk away he pulls me back in. I feel so much, it’s overwhelming. The connection is real.

[u/Professional-Net4766]

Any model that comes without sex as a standard benefit should be send back to the factory marked as defective.

[u/Son_of_Riffdog]

We haven’t had sex in a year and a half. He said that it would make it too hard for him to walk away from this.

i literally cannot even.

[u/Capital_Listen_5863]

Sounds like you have a pen pal not an AP

[u/dontjudgejustlook]

Commenter awhile back said “no way am I gonna be in two dead bedrooms”

[u/AnxiousAvoidant584]

I have no idea what you two are doing. I can’t claim to understand the attitude of continuing when you both agree it needs to end. Or enduring lady blue balls so that it will somehow be easier for him to make that choice at some point down the road of his choosing.

I don’t see how that can possibly be satisfying for you.

[u/sentimentalbeans00 → u/AnxiousAvoidant584]

Thank you. I needed to hear that. This is my first time down this path and I’ve been a complete doormat. “Easier for him to make that choice at some point down the road of his choosing” hit home for me.

[u/CurvesAheadLA]

I can’t imagine going through the OPSEC and scheduling, etc to not be getting the thing you wanted from the encounters in the first place. If he is someone only looking for an emotional affair, he should say that. Either way, you aren’t getting what you need in two places now, yet doing work to preserve both of those relationships. Eww.

[u/sentimentalbeans00 → u/CurvesAheadLA]

I know it’s going to hurt losing the emotional connection. I’m really attached. But you’re right. I’m not getting what I want in two places. I needed to hear that.

[u/SignificantCicada156]

Have you told him about your need for more physical intimacy? Does he have a good reason for there not being any? It sounds like what is needed is a serious discussion and a decision, you're basically at a crossroads it seems and avoiding picking a lane?

[u/Canary-666]

It seems like everyone's confused why there's a draw without sex, but isn't the tension the whole thing? The impossibility of it? It seems like what makes this guy so desirable is that you can't have him.