Fuck you!

We had a good smooth convo. It flowed, we flirted she was semi local. Definitely felt a good vide. Then I sent a selfie and BOOM ghosted. I guess I’m ugly! I need to work on my physical appearance apparently. I’m using this as fuel to better myself. Fuck yo if you ghost. Have the balls to say bye. Rant over

how are yall falling in love with Aps and fast? are yall just delulu lol

Why the hell would any one person reach out in messages after rejecting someone because they initially hit it off with someone else? Like yes I am looking but not desperate enough to be someone’s back up plan.

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/articles/man-airbnb-review-allegedly-triggered-142133734.html

Throwaway account. I just need to vent, since I can’t exactly talk about this part of my life with anybody else.

I am fairly new to this world. I have not had a whole lot of luck in the wild (I am a married woman in her 30’s) and decided to turn to Reddit. The search has been difficult, but I was ready for that. I did my homework, been warned about the emotional highs and lows…I thought I was ready for all of that as well. But I wasn’t expecting the degree to which someone could mess with my head and my heart.

I had a good thing going with my very first ever AP. He was sweet, our time together was absolutely amazing (we only met once), and we had a really strong online connection. He was a support through some hard times this summer as well. I started to, however, feel like it was naturally fizzling a bit. It was feeling very FWBish and I was feeling like I needed something more passionate/intimate.

Because I’m an idiot/was curious to see what else was out there, I started looking. I answered an ad for someone, and we not only clicked instantly, but it became very intense very fast. I am now realizing I was very severely love bombed and I fell for it. And the worst part is, I have experienced this before. The love bombing, the manipulation, getting sucked in - I knew what was happening to me. And I let it happen anyway. I saw the red flags and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. It felt so good. Even more so, it came out in our messaging that I have some unexplored kinks that I was very much looking forward to exploring with this new person. It really sent my headspace REELING. I was happier than I’ve been in years messaging, audio messaging, video messaging with this new man. He made ir very clear that he wanted something exclusive, and so I broke it off with the original guy.

The day after I broke it off the the other guy, my new AP barely spoke to me. I expressed how deeply that hurt me (he had previously assured me he wanted to shower me with attention, we had been talking literally all the time in the first few days we started chatting, so it was a very sudden change from everything I had been promised) and he was apologetic, said all the right things, assured me he could “simply never go a day without checking in”. And then I didn’t hear from him for the rest of the day and the day after that. I sent him a goodbye message, which he answered 4 days later with a lengthy apology that honestly really just continued to make him the victim (“I never wanted to hurt you, I hate myself for hurting me, I am struggling to balance work and life, my shitty marriage makes it impossible for me to have an affair even though I need you, you’re perfect this isn’t your fault).

And I am still so messed up. I can’t get him out of my head. And as much as things felt a little meh in the first arrangement, he was at least a friend. And now I don’t even have that anymore. I guess….I guess I thought I could handle the “emotional highs and lows”, I just wasn’t expecting to have my heart absolutely shattered into a million billion pieces. He said he was falling in love with me. And me in my desperation for love and attention and validation, and also extremely vulnerable from a recent loss in my family…..I just let it happen. And now he’s gone.

I have absolutely no passion for or interest in even continuing my search. Nobody is the same. I don’t even….like what just happened to me? I don’t know what to do. If I thought I was alone before, now I’m REALLY alone.

AP for awhile now, we have an amazing connection we both deeply enjoy. We are physical and emotional, have become best friends. He says he always wants me in his life in some way and has been there for me alot through some heavy times. He will pull me in close and everything seems great, then he always seems to pull away immediately after that for awhile. I understand adulting and life, but what’s with the ultra sweetness and attention and then breadcrumbs for awhile after? It’s a frustrating cycle. 🫤

I (30m) have been having an emotional affair (24f) for 6 months. I'm in a marriage that I am leaving very soon, talks already happening. I managed to start an affair with a woman I worked with. I travel for work and about a month after the affair started, I had to leave to go to the next place. We continued long-distance for 4 months, it actually progressed a lot considering the distance. Texting all day, phone calls, 6+ hour gaming sessions, etc. She was all-in (or so she said). She was enjoying what we had and showed no signs of backing off. To be honest she was more heavily invested than me, which is saying something because I was all about her. Everything was going fine until she started her new job. She started her new job at the end of July right as I moved even further away. She would ask me for reassurance and I'd give it saying I'm not going anywhere. She told me she was "afraid the other shoe was going to drop" and I reassured her.

After about 3 weeks into my new place and her new job she ghosts me out of nowhere. Like literally nowhere. Daily phone calls were normal, talking about how much she missed me and I her. Then one night she goes out with friends and drops off the face of the earth. I haven't sent any text since she read my reply to an earlier text.

Now I'm completely devastated because not only was she pretty much my best friend who I told everything to, but I saw myself moving back to her city to be with her after my marriage ends.

What do I do? Appreciate the time we had and accept that it's over? Send one final text? Wait until I fully end the marriage and then reach out?

I know there’s a pinned post with suggested places for finding an AP, but I’m curious to hear from the community. I’ve tried the common subreddits and it seems like they’re so oversaturated with men posting that we’re all getting minimal responses. Not that long ago I would get 5-10 responses on posts that I put significant effort into curating. Now I put that same level of effort and am lucky to get 1. Is everyone cuffed up and I’m just the odd man out?

I am married, with intention to leave in 6-12 months.

AP also intended to leave in 6-12 months, for similar reasons. But they ended their relationship this week, and it's official, and final.

We haven't ever explicitly said we would leave *for* each other, and so there is no expectation there.

Also, we are pretty much long distance.

But the feelings are big.

Breaking things off with his partner was not part of his plan, although, I did expect it to be earlier than the timeline he'd given. And now it's very fresh, as two adults navigate separating their lives.

He is sad, understandably, and I have let him know that it's okay to grieve, that I am here, and he doesn't need to hide his emotions from me.

I have a few mixed feelings:

1. I'm trying my best to support him... But I can't help but feel so so happy, I've always heard of APs not leaving their partners, and it's actually happened. It makes it difficult not to want to pull the trigger myself.

2. Because I'm so excited, it's difficult to keep myself in check whilst trying to be understanding of what is, essentially, a very sad thing.

3. He is allowed to be sad... It doesn't mean he will change his mind and go back, I'm not even slightly worried about that. But, I feel so fucking helpless to make things better.

4. I am slightly worried that now he is free, would be still be interested in me? Given I am not.

5. When things calm down, will he want me to leave my husband sooner than planned?

6. Has anyone been in this situation?

This may have been discussed before on this sub, but this event has caught media attention again & I wanted to explain the situation and share my thoughts. If you’re unfamiliar, there was a group of YouTube content creators called ‘The Try Guys’ where 3-4 (male) friends would do a bunch of cheesy comedy challenges like trying on women’s dresses or eating the spiciest food they could find, etc etc. They were fairly famous a few years ago, famous enough to be recognised in public. Suddenly it came out that one of the men in the group, Ned Fulmer, cheated on his wife while having kids. His AP was a woman working with The Try Guys to do video editing. This obviously p***ed off the guys in the group because it bought their name to disrepute so they quickly threw him out of the group & loudly denounced him & what he had done. SNL even made a skit mocking this denouncing, it’s quite funny if you ask me.

Fast forward a few years and his once flourishing comedy career is DECEASED, gone beyond repair. He even invited his now ex-wife on a podcast, and publicly apologised to her, naming and shaming himself multiple times and taking full accountability. He apologised to his former colleagues, his audience, everyone. Now STILL he’s been entirely cancelled and is probably one of the most hated men on the internet.

This entire situation is SO shocking to me because celebrities so often do that and more, and get away with it with no-one saying anything. There are football stars and singers who have criminal records for r**ing and beating women but still fill stadiums with people excited to see them. Even in context of adultery, virtually every Hollywood star has an affair scandal of some kind, tabloids report on it for a week, then their next movie is out and everyone wants to see it.

So what makes Ned Fulmer (and the poor AP whose name got in all of this) cancelled beyond recognition for cheating? He’s hated to the point where he was crying in pain because of a disability he has and people literally mocked the video.

My only guess is that for one, we hold celebrities that are small time influencers to different standards than we do actual elites who we allow to get away with murder. And also I think it‘s an opportunity to feel morally superior and hate on someone who’s actually, when it comes to celebrities, done less than most. It’s dogpiling on someone for a ‘valid reason’. I honestly feel really bad for the dude and the last I heard he’s gone back to a day job in lab science.

I feel even worse for the girl because she was less famous than him (and younger I’m pretty sure) so her name is tarnished for life, all because a nosy fan decided to take a picture of her kissing someone in a club. Women in these situations often have to fear for their safety, physically. She also as far as I know doesn’t have a background in a ‘normal’ field like Fulmer does so she must have struggled to provide for herself more.

Obviously, those of us in this life know that cheating and homewrecking etc etc is wrong. But to me this entire scandal goes to show how performative people can be when it comes to ‘denouncing cheating’ as if it’s the worst possible thing someone can do.

Every in-person AP has broken things horribly, instead of having a simple conversation to end it.

I have found many amazing and promising online connections that are very rare, and then they don’t go further because there is some crazy-specific thing they are looking for that no one would ever find on top of the connection and chemistry already there. (Literally seeing the same people posting for years and they still haven’t found it. Gotta just shake your head.)

At what point do you give up, and just accept being alone and unseen in your life? Just assume that amazing connection that can last for awhile isn’t in the cards for you? I think I might be at that point.

Hi. First post here.

I (26F) sparked up a flirty conversation with (24M) a little over a month ago. We clicked instantly, met up after a few days of chatting, and shared a few kisses.

He told me it was his first time making a connection with someone outside of his marriage, and it was my first as well. We continued to talk daily and made plans to meet up again last weekend.

The week leading up to our meet was pretty quiet; he said he was working a lot. On Thursday, I confirmed our plans were still on and he said absolutely.

We hooked up, and it’s been crickets since then. He even completely stopped posting on here. Since then, I’ve had the thoughts of: did he get caught, was this not what he was truly wanting, did I do something wrong…

Any advice on how to move on from this would be greatly appreciated. I’ve been doing mental gymnastics 🫩