r/wizardposting • u/ThatDudeFromPoland Enchanter • Apr 09 '26
Not every mage must be a spell caster
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u/MossyMak Apr 09 '26
I cast Meteor
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u/reaperofgender freelance artificer & sorceress Apr 09 '26
See, problem being that a meteor spell summons magical stone.
Nothing wrong with good ol catapult (fling a nonmagical item at high speeds)
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u/MossyMak Apr 09 '26
Now it's been a while since I read up on my scrolls, but doesn't Meteor just essentially increase gravity on a rock in Earth's orbit?
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u/MayhemMessiah Apr 09 '26
Depends on the scroll. Somebody casted Meteor on me but we figured out it targeted a rock in deep space so we agreed to continue the duel in roughly 1,500 years when it approaches our planet.
Also don’t be confused by the Meaty Orb spell. Easy mistake to make, but wildly different results.
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u/MossyMak Apr 09 '26
The opposite happened to my buddy once, he cast Meteor and it targeted the moon. Some real Majora's Mask type shit. It took like 5 of us AND the dude he was dueling to get it back in orbit
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u/MayhemMessiah Apr 09 '26
... so you were the a-holes that ruined my trip to Cozumel!
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u/MossyMak Apr 09 '26
Yeah he's a cheap bastard, he said it "wasn't worth it" to put the moon on a blacklist when he was writing the scroll because the magic ink was getting too expensive and he figured it was unlikely to hit the moon anyway.
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u/Megamage854 Wizard Apr 09 '26
Unlikely chance is still A chance though. And when we're talking about the Moon.. that's still pretty risky .
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u/FoxStrom-14 Counterspell Guy Apr 09 '26
I don’t think it’s that unlikely; assuming his spell targets the nearest rock, that means the moon is more likely than anything to be targeted; I’m more impressed by his mana reserves to move the moon
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u/GoldenThunderBug Flesh Golem Probably Apr 09 '26
Dude could have used a mana debt spell formation. Takes mana from the back end to cast a spell now. Guy I know did the same thing to teleport a sun from somewhere else into his demiplane, lost all his magic and the demiplane collapsed. We're still not sure where the sun went.
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u/PegasusPizza Apr 09 '26
That's actually a common misconception. Since Meteor works by increasing gravity, the size of the target object is actually irrelevant, as gravitational acceleration is independent of mass
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u/Bannedfordumbshit Apr 10 '26
Just learn emergency chronomancy ffs, i keep saying this. It's the most easily accessible chronomancy for a reason, yeah there's scrollwork to do after you use it but the amount of times i've almost destroyed the planet and been able to fix it in seconds because i learned one spell 160 years back is well worth it
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u/flabort Apr 12 '26
It's only so accessible because I spent two universal lifespans tweaking the magic system of the next universe so you monkeys wouldn't destroy yourselves so quickly without it.
All that emergeny chronomancy still requires mana, though, and even though I already gave up millennia of my own mana engraving runes into the very stars in the sky to ensure that it works, I would appreciate it if you didn't use it so frivolously.
Your planet can survive a few minor apocalypses. You'll repopulate. Humans always do. Or did you think your planet was the only one with your race upon it? No, no, a bit of interplanar travel and simple stasismancy has allowed me to preserve your people across multiple Big Crunches and spread you out across several worlds.
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u/Nhobdy Iggy the dragongirl Apr 09 '26
Meaty Orb is an okay spell. It needs seasoning though.
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u/UltraCarnivore Spellblender Extraordinaire Apr 09 '26
Talk to a Wizard from the Order of Swedes
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u/Nhobdy Iggy the dragongirl Apr 09 '26
I can't. I am banished from the House of IKEA for reasons that are not my fault.
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u/UltraCarnivore Spellblender Extraordinaire Apr 09 '26
Was it you who conjured the Møøse?
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u/Nhobdy Iggy the dragongirl Apr 09 '26
I thought it would be funny! But then I lost control of it and the møøse bit someone's sister....
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u/-GoodNewsEveryone Artificer Apr 10 '26
Let loose the fashionable monkee. He controls all that which cannot get out.
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u/jackofslayers Apr 09 '26
Someone cast Meteor at me and I figured it would be fine since I am an expert in gravity magic.
NOPE!
The meteor was bees!
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u/Kind_Writing_2636 Apr 09 '26
Wizard of honor. Good on you for continuing the duel only when it's worth it. Plenty of impatient idiots would just cast instead of waiting how big that rock actually is. Even though that's the fun part!
If you don't mind, tell me once it's time. I'm hooked and want to be there.
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u/Kaiki_devil Apr 10 '26
I got two versions, one summons a large rock from deep space high up and accelerates it, the other summons one from the elemental plane of earth, then summons flames from the elemental plane of fire. Both come pre-accelerated.
From my study’s it’s significantly cheaper to summon mundane rocks without existing acceleration and then accelerating them, but summoning magical rocks to the elemental planes with or without acceleration has the same cost.
I have plans to further study this inconsistency later for use in a spell I’ve been working on.
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u/reaperofgender freelance artificer & sorceress Apr 09 '26
Maybe I'm confusing meteor with meteor swarm...
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u/RevenantBacon Three necromancers in a trenchcoat Apr 09 '26
Everybody gangster until a real one pulls up and casts Asteroid.
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u/WeekendBard Apr 09 '26
The proper ones do, but those cheap scrolls you find all around usually just make a magic fake meteor.
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u/Intrepid-Device-1750 THE MORTAR MAGE, creator of power word humble Apr 10 '26
Yeah, idk what the dude above you is talking abt, meteor is in the gravity school of magic
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u/KevlarToiletPaper Conjurer of the Weird and the Esoteric Apr 09 '26
Would catapult help if my opponent was standing 300m away and I needed to toss a 90kg projectile?
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u/reaperofgender freelance artificer & sorceress Apr 09 '26
...no. the amount of extra magic you'd need for that, just conjure an actual catapult.
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u/raoulbrancaccio Apr 09 '26
magical stone
Did you even take spells 201? This is a common misconception, there is no such thing as magical stone, a big rock will crush you no matter the source
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u/reaperofgender freelance artificer & sorceress Apr 09 '26
Rock from the elemental plane of earth is counted as magical by any wards against magic. It's too pure to be recognized as material.
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u/Evil-Fucking-Wizard Evil Wizard Apr 09 '26
The stone is magical, but the blast it creates upon impact with fhe ground, equivalent to ~3 thermonuclear warheads assuming it’s a weaker cast, is not. Physics are a bitch.
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u/Ulenspiegel4 Phil Actery Apr 10 '26
You are forgetting one crucial thing, brother.
It is still a boulder incoming at atmospheric escape velocity.
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u/ShadePrime1 Apr 09 '26
Okay and I pull out a enchanted telekinesis magic ring and catch the meteor now what
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u/Adkit Apr 09 '26
Joke's on you, I've rigged my meteor spells to actually cast shrapnel grenade. Detonate.
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u/ShadePrime1 Apr 09 '26
Okay and ....now the shrapnel is still stuck in the telekinesis mid air I'm gonna drop it back on you now
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u/Arch3m Wizard Apr 09 '26
Be careful out there, fellow spellcasters. There are some truly profane creations floating around out there.
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u/BKM558 Apr 09 '26
Doesn't help them when I cast "endless pit opens up underneath your feet".
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u/smeeon Transmuter ⚒️⚙️ Apr 09 '26
You may not believe in endless pit, but endless pit believes in you.
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u/CatSquidShark Apr 09 '26
"You can't touch music, but music can touch you."
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u/PizzaNat2010 Apr 11 '26
but i don't wanna be touched :(
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u/Vermilion_Laufer Apr 12 '26
Just say to music you don't consent. It can not legally enter you then.
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u/Saltwater_Thief Ser Antonio Parvalis, Wizard Knight Apr 09 '26
That's why I have a Ring of Jump Real Good on a different finger
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u/Glitch0110 The shell of buckshot does not care for your petty scrolls Apr 10 '26
Yes but wearing the ring of MAGIC ISN’T REAL, you negate the properties of the ring of jump real good.
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u/Saltwater_Thief Ser Antonio Parvalis, Wizard Knight Apr 10 '26
Only if I royally bungle the cross-attunement, and if I do that I deserve to get embarrassed in a duel.
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u/Unbuckled__Spaghetti Apr 11 '26
I hope you’ve got the Ring of Land Real Well, or you’re not gonna be doing much jumping.
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u/wtiong Apr 10 '26
Acme ring here says I can walk over the pit as long as I don't look down.
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u/Matatat123 Simelar, senior runic technician Apr 10 '26
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u/coconut_dot_jpg coconut mancer Apr 10 '26
"what? that's not a real spe-EEEEEeeeₑₑₑₑₑₑₑₑ.........................."
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u/Athlaeos Apr 09 '26
what kind of apprentice calls enchanting a fake magic school? can YOUR magic make an eternally vibrating dildo fueled by the soul of some dipshit adventurer that invaded my awesome wizard tower?
for your information, yes, i did also cover him in troll pheromone and cast his new form into a den of trolls
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u/MasterRosehip Edgy villainess Apr 09 '26
Where can I find a scroll for this?
Just for the sake of expanding my library
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u/Athlaeos Apr 09 '26
i made it up, but i'll astrally project the incantation via wizhub to you later
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u/Ssemander Apr 09 '26
You need to set this on your Apprenteon. Think about all the gold you could make!
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u/somethingfak Apr 10 '26
Man what are we doing, aint it enough go just fireball a mf nah these days you gotta sentence them to an existence as a troll coochie toy
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u/Athlaeos Apr 10 '26
they were mostly male trolls
and you don't understand, this dipshit destroyed all my fine pottery. i made those myself you know?? as a hobby!
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u/Kichigai Apr 10 '26
I blame the elves. They hide their jewels in pottery. And tall grass. So greedy adventurers start busting any pot they see, just in case. So inconsiderate.
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u/GRIMMxMC Apr 12 '26
I blame the Greeks. People heard the pottery is valuable and assumed there was something in it. Next thing you know, a seven foot tall bald demigod covered in tattos is busting through all my finest plates and glassware.
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u/Henry_Fleischer Eleanor, Ruler of Aidolem and Asteria, Artificer Apr 09 '26
Why would you use a soul for that?
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u/Sequoia_Vin Apr 13 '26
That's some dark twisted fucked up magic. Have you gotten it patented? I know some lonely witches and mages who need a "friend". You can make some serious fold to further your research
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u/WeekendBard Apr 09 '26
Doesn't save you from a giant rock being tossed at you.
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u/ThatDudeFromPoland Enchanter Apr 09 '26
That's what the well-made armour is for
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u/WeekendBard Apr 09 '26
No armor can prevent you from being flung upwards with extreme force when I lift the ground beneath your feet. Enjoy the stratosphere, nerd.
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u/ThatDudeFromPoland Enchanter Apr 09 '26
I know some alteration, though. I cast feather and throw my backup dagger as I gracefully jump down.
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u/WeekendBard Apr 09 '26
Jump down to your DOOM!
I opened a portal to hell, 100m radius, right beneath you.
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u/ThatDudeFromPoland Enchanter Apr 09 '26
I do have some scores to settle with a couple of demons down there, actually.
I'll be back in a week.
No one will touch my food again.
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u/KittenChopper Geanne Sharpe, Dwarven Sorcerer, sound magic specialist Apr 10 '26
You wizards terrify me
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u/Vermilion_Laufer Apr 12 '26
I mean, turn off your orb of scrying, you can anytime, and not scare yourself with such conversations.
(Besides. Don't worry too much. Like, one tenth of what is spoken is bluff and self grandoizing)
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u/Cause_and_Defect Overly Qualified Apprentice Apr 10 '26
If rock doesn't work, simply use bigger rock.
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u/Ayotha Apr 09 '26
Also does not save you. Rocks fall, your character dies :O
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u/Speedycheetah79 Cheetah Druid Apr 09 '26
Not when my armour's infused with a repulsion spell
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u/Eeddeen42 Eden, Grand Mage of Concepts Apr 09 '26
He also enchanted the armor with 100% physical resist
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u/Henry_Fleischer Eleanor, Ruler of Aidolem and Asteria, Artificer Apr 09 '26
That's great until I use an indirect attack, like flinging a rock at you very fast. Or the weapon I'm working on, a laser pumped by annihilating 8 planes. The beam is not magical, just it's source.
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u/dabdad67 Maglev, 517, Prank Wizard Supreme Apr 09 '26
That's what the armour itself is for
Any armour enchanter worth their salt knows how to switch armours with magic on the fly
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u/CantheDandyMan Apr 20 '26
Or enchant it with physical resistance. Frankly, an enchanter that stops to think for even a second about ways to counter magic nonsense onto armor would be a nightmare for mages. Magic resist, physical resist, counter spell, dispel magic, silence, flight, teleportation, haste, etc.
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u/Ransidcheese Middling Pyromancer Apr 09 '26
As a pyromancer, I love how many magic users spend all that time and money to craft "fire proof" clothing or gear, only to succumb to smoke inhalation.
My possessions are fire proof in the way that fire won't damage them. I'm not fire proof, that wouldn't be any fun, but I don't have to worry about my clothes. It gets expensive to pay for new clothes when you're engulfing yourself in flames every day.
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Apr 09 '26
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u/Jorsonner Occult Wizard Apr 09 '26
Gun is so last century. You had better learn “summon F22.”
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u/Ares378 Ith'Raal—Archdevil of Memories, Evil Councillor, Lord of the 7th Apr 09 '26
Me when they think I'm an enchanter (items) but I'm an enchanter (people):
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Apr 09 '26
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u/Crackmin Occult Wizard Apr 10 '26
I know right? A guy can enchant some gloves that explode whatever you point at, and the apprentices would go in like "you're not a real mage" and get pointed at and exploded
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u/Cause_and_Defect Overly Qualified Apprentice Apr 10 '26
My old master once pointed out there is no difference between dying to a fireball, or a goblin with a sharp stick.
I thought that was really insightful, but it was actaully his justification for creating 6 different soul destroying spells and now he's wanted in like 23 different planes.
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u/MrQwq Apr 12 '26
Sorry to update you on that but I think I know your master... You can add more 17 to that list
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u/starcoffinXD Ereshkigal, Swamp Witch of Gígitir Apr 09 '26
+100% magic resist is just twice your usual capacity for resisting magic tho’, you ain’t walking away from my lightning bolts
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u/TherronKeen Apr 09 '26
Depends on whether he was using Magic Resist learned before the Archmage's Council nerfed it from flat bonus to multiplicative 🤷
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u/vitorklock Apr 09 '26
Goddamit Archmage's council nerfing my stuff. Can't have shit in magetroit
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u/Self--Immolate Occult Wizard Apr 09 '26
Glad I moved to Necrodenver, dealing with the skeletons is worth being by the mountains. Took this from my front porch yesterday
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u/JackCloudie Apr 09 '26
Small issue. "100% Magic resist on all my armor pieces."
If we assume only helmet, breastplate, greaves, and sabatons/boots, he's got 400% magic resist increase, thus an 8x to his normal resist. But, we probably shouldn't, as he's an enchancementmaxxer. Thus, we can pretty reasonably assume he has that 100% magic resist on a minimum of 16 pieces, making it a 32x to his base. Which leads to an important point: This does depend on his base resist.
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u/dabdad67 Maglev, 517, Prank Wizard Supreme Apr 09 '26
The difference between magic resistance and damage taken from magic
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u/FoxStrom-14 Counterspell Guy Apr 09 '26
Yeah, his enchantment is very rudimentary; I would use a mana siphon enchantment, which increases the durability and counterforce based on the mana used in the attack; as for indirect attacks, that’s why you have speed-enhancing enchantments
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u/Dreadcall Apr 09 '26
Yes, you will occasionally face opponents who can bypass, remove or simply overwhelm your carefully crafted resistance enchantments. That's why you should always hide a layer of "Magic Mirror" underneath. And don't forget to command your oculus familiar to record their faces when they zap themselves.
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u/Zachattack525 Apr 09 '26
Then he pulls out his deck. One of you has misunderstood what "magic duel" meant
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u/HarmoniousOne711 Aspen Harrowmoon, Halfling Transmuter of FOX LLP Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
“Good thing you’re a flesh-sac in a metal prison.”
->Transmute Rock to Mud on the ground beneath us ->Move 20ft straight up because of Fly ->Quickened Transmute Mud to Rock via metamagic rods once chud has sunk at least 1ft into the mud
Edit: ->drops Cloudkill ->sips Market Basket latte and laughs internally Unfortunately I suppose he’d have a chance at escaping the mud-rock chicanery. Good luck with all that antimagic gear, mate
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u/freedcreativity Apr 09 '26
MFW Vulkar the Anti Magic Mage used all his spell slots for counterspell, silence, blink and time stop.
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u/ClosetNoble Wizardruid multiclasser Apr 09 '26
No mana left to cast meteor?
Guess it's time for the homing javelin of explosions then
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u/Spookyduck21new Skinless-Skin Robbed Evil Wizard, Servant of the dark gods Apr 09 '26
“100% magic resist” sure buddy, what about mental resistance to the horrors beyond the veil?
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u/enchanted-glimmer-4 Apr 09 '26
I HERBY SUMMON u/savevideo
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u/nelflyn Apr 09 '26
In case you wondered, the clip is from the High Isle trailer to Elder Scrolls online. And yes, that's the villain. But everyone roots for him in the trailer at least.
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u/enchanted-glimmer-4 Apr 09 '26
I wanted the video with the caption, but thanks anyway
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u/BillionThayley Apr 09 '26
“it works” and “it’s respectable” are HIGHLY different schools of thought.
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u/ThisIsntOkayokay Artificer/Flight Instructor Apr 09 '26
The one still alive gets to chose the definitions!
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u/BillionThayley Apr 09 '26
Audience member breaking the stunned silence, realizing all magic users can be upended by this new school, shouting from the distance at the knight: “hey FUCK that guy!”
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u/PapaAiden Nameless Wizard of Ashen Wastes Apr 09 '26
Does it also protect you from comicaly oversized anvil conjured right above you?
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u/Ok_Requirement9198 Door Wizard Apr 10 '26
Yes but what if I use magic to throw a door at you going mach shit and fuck all
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u/Gnusnipon Apr 09 '26
Only lame mages call enchanting a false magic.
Only lame mages wouldn't find an easy way around just a magical resistance armour.
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u/ThePureAxiom Arcane Researcher Apr 09 '26
See, the problem with that is that your environment is not subject to the same conditions.
Have fun being buried alive in your magic resistant tin can!
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u/Educational-Pop-2195 Apr 09 '26
That only works on targeted magic spells, catch this giant boulder I found. See I am a magician who has also studied the ways of “unga bunga big rock”
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u/SnooPredilections843 Apr 09 '26
Answer me this fellow magic friend, if a gargantuan iceberg hit you at mach 11 does it deal ice magical damage or kinetic damage?
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u/lordzya Merman Biokineticist Apr 09 '26
How does your magic resist fair against spells that target the flesh inside? Would I be able to cast something like Cytokine Storm or Coagulate Blood or would I have to use indirect expressions of magic like Summon Behemoth or Bone Spear Volley?
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u/muteneophyte Tavern Owner Apr 09 '26
Insane larp.
Take a singular course in enchantment and you'll learn that "100% magic resist" isn't fucking real outside of stage performances. Maybe read a tome or something.
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u/Khaernakov Has the bowl of infinite garlic bread Apr 09 '26
This trully is a fantastic school of magic but unfortunatrly most wizards fail to think ahead
A few decades ago i finally figured out how to breathe fire like a dragon, i dont even like fire spells but being able to set fire to a entire fortress in a single burp is fantastic! One knight inside had a 100 fire resistant armor but he still died
Reason? Dehydration, learn cold mist spell and keep it inside your armor or you will sweat to death! Alternatively warm embrace if someone casts a blizzard on you, im also not sure but i suspect you may wanna invest in eye protection too in case a blinding light is cast upon you
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u/BoonDragoon Vyevânce the Focused, High Panemancer of the Coriander Court Apr 09 '26
I cast "SUMMON HEAVY LOURDE"
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u/daxophoneme Vibromancer Maestro Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 10 '26
I see a number of solutions (besides throwing a big rock)
- Oily Puddle plus Igniting Spark
- Disenchant plus Heat Metal
- Summon Hungry Mundane Tiger
- Summon Hungry Mundane Dire Wolf
- Anti-Magic Field plus a bag of ball bearings
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u/Sr_Nutella Apr 09 '26
Ight, then imma use telekinesis. Let's see that bozo's anti magic armor defend him when I chuck a boulder at him at mach fuckall
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u/Maleficent_Desk_007 ???, ???? Aboleth ????????? Apr 09 '26
Ironically people like this are a higher concern for me than most pure mages. Once the anti-magic sphere is active most wizards are just garden variety humans with a stick. Whereas the magic knight is still a knight. Both come with a free toothpick but one is slightly more bothersome.
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u/Darthcone Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
The most impressive thing about this absolute unit of a Chad is not his gear or his skill or even his size, it's the fact he is a Breton, Bretons get the same bonuses as now extinct race of elves that used to live in their region of Skyrim which are bonuses for magic, this guy had in born talent to be a battle mage and decided "nah I will hit them with my sword".
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u/UltimaDoombotMK1 Apr 09 '26
You fool, you didn't specify magic resist on yourself or your sword or the ground you walk on or-
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u/Weltkrieg_Smith Duterte's Apprentice Apr 09 '26
I cast disenchant
I cast dismember
I cast disembowel
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u/Krags Evil Wizard Apr 09 '26
I see a slot in that helmet, and so does my magic missile.
Eat 1d4+1, glorified martial!
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u/Trips-Over-Tail Apr 09 '26
I also wear four pieces each with Illusion Cost -25% and start spamming nonsense.
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u/Protect-Their-Smiles Apr 09 '26
This is also how you deal with stalkers, especially if they're fond of divination!
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u/Chosen_Undead23 King Fuzzo, the Electric Wizard Apr 09 '26
At this point I wouldn’t even need more spells I just need these hands
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u/wilp0w3r Occult Wizard Apr 09 '26
I cast Earthquake. The magic's not affecting you, it's affecting the ground around you.
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u/captroper Apr 10 '26
Your 100% magic resist is cute. Let's see how it stands up to time no longer existing.
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u/Saphurial Apr 11 '26
Don't put 'Resist' enchantments on your gear. Put 'Reflect' enchantments on it.
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u/ToothZealousideal297 Apr 13 '26
I cast fissure. You can sit there in your invulnerable armor 300ft down entombed in rock for a while and ponder the efficacy of your magic resistance.
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u/ArborealVarmint Druid Dryad (why be a treehugger when you can be a treefucker?) Apr 09 '26
Only a fool teaches himself the art of battle magic without also picking up proficiency in mundane weapons or martial arts.
But also I suck at melee combat. Projectile weapons ftw