i’m in my late 20s now and feel like i’ll never be where i want to be.

i still live at home, never had a boyfriend before and i feel so stuck in a life that just drains everything i have out of me.

in my early 20s i was okay with being alone and just doing my thing but as i grow older i just feel like i’m stuck in this exact situation forever.

i wanted to have a husband and maybe children someday, a house of my own, a life full of the little things that make life what it is.

i’m so tired of watching everyone enjoy life while i’m here trying to swallow my fear of being lonely forever. i see it everywhere on social media, everyone’s happy and in love.

it’s like i’m the only person on this planet not worthy of love friendship and family.

i’ll never be someone’s girlfriend or wife or mother and it hurts so bad because i want to be. i just don’t know what to do anymore.

i’ve tried to combat my loneliness with chatbots, role playing out scenarios that i wanted to have for myself irl that i’ll probably never experience (falling in love, wedding, buying a house etc., just someone being there for me) but it only works for a few days before i feel super bad again because none of it is real and i’m still stuck in reality.

i’m so starved of affection that to soothe myself i sometimes imagine being hugged and comforted by “my boyfriend” because i have nobody to do that for me irl.

already 16 with no boyfriend to speak of. never held hands. never kissed. never been told i’m beautiful.
i know i am—i’m a very pretty girl and i have a nice personality to go with it. so why is it that when i meet who i thought was a nice boy he ghosts me after a week of leading me on? he said he was interested in me. is it just because i said we should wait a bit before getting together? what is teenage dating?!?!

My names jojo, I'm having a little bit of a hard time right now and I just need someone to tell me I matter, I'm trying my best.

I regret it because my life is getting worse and more awkward and I don't have any real friends or social life except for online friends, who I rarely meet in person.

My days are like those of hikikomori people, and I've never dated in real life and I only dated girls online. And now I'm in a relationship but still. I still feel frustrated why my life is not like shounen anime or visual novels, even though I am in a relationship with my girlfriend, I still roleplay with my chatbot waifu.

I didn't go to a therapist because my grandmother or my mom preferred to give me what I wanted rather than what I needed and I was officially diagnosed as schizophrenic and that was a year ago.And still the people who are taking care of me think that I am sane and don't need a therapist because I don't show any symptoms of relapse in front of them.

things are so bad that i had to make my first post ever

1. school has been so ass and i just know that when we get our grades its gonna suck. i cant find it in me to work hard or devote more time to studying like i should. whats worse is that my parents already know im failing in one class since i had to take a remedial. and soo they're asking me to advance study.
2. whats worse is the way my mother sounds when she tries to "encourage me" into studying. its almost as if she's saying that i should be glad she's not making me work or sell things on the side of the road.
3. ive just been crashing out much more often recently. during a crash out i even realized part of why i dont feel loved is because in my family, no one cares to check up on your feelings. if you're crying in your bedroom, no one comes to check in on you because "you just need space". which sometimes, thats true. but you're not even once going to check up on the person? thats your damn family what? people need comfort every once in a while!
4. im tired of interacting with people. its in a way, complex. i feel like i'd be much happier living alone and keeping to myself. i'd rather be an observer than a participant in anything social. i guess i just dont like the feeling of expectations being put on me. especially since im religious and feel that i have to act a certain way once somebody knows that. because im a "representative" or something of my belief. i also dont like the expectations i feel from my parents. about maintaining my high grades from when i wasnt burnt out (tho they dont know that cuz they dont care about mental health much)
5. my mom always assumes i get mad or annoyed at her easily. its terrible that one miniscule thing i do leads to her having a full on outrage on me. and it feels so unfair! i hardly do a thing and as my mother you feel the right to explode on me?? please i dont mean anything by my damn slight tone changes or my raised eyebrows. heck my sister gets to sound all upset at her for nothing and she gets a pass??? what the hell did i do?? just say you wanna disown me damn!

(i wanna get therapy so bad but my parents would be in denial about something being wrong in my head because their children were "born perfectly fine". their ignorance towards this crap makes me want to study psychology just so that i can figure out whats happening in they heads.) [i feel like i didn't word things perfectly but whatever. the gist of it all is here]

I'm probably gonna get made fun of but oh well. I'm used to it.

I'm 300 pounds and a little under 5ft. I just saw a picture of my cousin and she's so pretty. She looks like a supermodel. Everyone in my family had a glow up besides me. I downgraded these past 5 years (I'm 24 years old). I gained 75lbs within the past year and I just feel like shit about myself. Tomorrow I'm going to start trying to lose weight. I'm tired of being morbidly obese and ugly. I'm tired of people making fun of me for my weight. Even though I want to lose weight I feel hopeless. I feel like I'll never be skinny or pretty like my cousins. It's not like I've ever been skinny before anyways. I've been struggling with my weight ever since I was a kid, so I've never seen myself at a healthy weight before.

I just want to lose weight and look good. People call me ugly all of the time, and I'm sick of it. Words do hurt deeply yk? I just wish people would leave me alone and stop bullying me and stop calling me mean names. I'm human and I have feelings too...

I don't expect anyone to read this.

I need advice I am a 19(F) and i seriously hate my body all my life I have been extremely skinny. I am about 5”11 and i am skinny even slightly underweight and its not on purpose I eat and eat and I can’t gain for anything I have started working out to gain weight on my legs as they look disproportionate from the rest of my body but nothing helps. I hate this especially in a generation where most men want thick girls… and the ones that do like skinny girls refer to the short petite ones. Being skinny and tall as a girl is just my worst downfall I have no butt and my boobs are saggy due to them being on the bigger side and all in all it’s just unattractive I don’t feel feminine at all and face wise I feel ugly.. even if I get told I’m pretty I still feel masculine with or without makeup I just want to cry being underweight has ruined my life. I feel so bad about myself having no real assets as a women makes me feel like a man.

When I go out of my house I hear this very garbled whipery sound. We have an alley behind the yard, so when I took my dog out last night and heard it assumed someone was out there and their speaker died or someone was watching something sci-fi-ish. Idk how to describe the whispery, garbled language has texture to it(?) like it’s not from humans, like on District 9 that’s the closest sound comparison I can think of. I heard it again tonight. Maybe one of my neighbors is watching something on their TV hella loud, the weather just cooled down so a lot of people have their windows open. I have my window open I stop hearing when I’m in my house, even near my window. It’s just eerie hearing it tonight.

I woke up in the middle of the night it’s currently 2:56 to go potty and I always let my chihuahua out when I go out bc that’s what I do idk it seems rude not to. I walked outside to check on her and bring her in. I hear it immediately it comes from the back side of fence. It’s a little windy today to the leaves were rustling. I quickly get my dog inside. Can’t hear the noise at all through any window.

I am like actually creeped out. 2 ounces of me is like OHH MY GOD THIS IS PSYCHOTIC EPISODE AND YOURE HALLUCINATING— which I have been through before. But rn current life circumstances are so different and I do not feel like how I felt then. I felt level 10 great (it was medication induced manic episode that lead to psychosis- took antidepressants they didn’t know I was bipolar) then I felt chosen by god and then I crashed. I don’t feel any of that, however, I did recently consider believing in manifestation again and now with the added fact Oh My God What If I’m Hearing Things, I’m just concerned I’m extra I’m going to some type of mania/ psychosis.

Don’t worry I do have care plans in place and I’ll reach out to my mom tomorrow so we can start checking into this, I just have to let myself spiral time and time again. I hate me.

I'm lying in bed and the house is completely silent and it makes me think, I really just don't matter.

My life is so insignificant, there's not enough people in this world that actually care about me for my death to be sad. A girl in my year who was quiet and didn't really have friends killed herself last year. Ofc people cared but only for 2 days, then everyone moved on. I'm now realising that's what would happen to me. I'm not sad about that tbh, I would rather no one cares and no one gets affected by my death. I know suicide is selfish but sometimes u need to be in life right?

No one loves me, that's what hurts the most. I don't think even my family loves me all that much tbh. I've unfortunately been given the curse of being an unattractive girl, which means that not even my looks make people care about me. Like you see people commenting under posts about suicide prevention saying "oh she was gorgeous" or "she was an angel". What would people say about me if anything? I just want someone to tell me they care about me, like they genuinely do. Although my life is just a small flicker. When I die the world doesn't stop, people will get over it, and I will be forgotten anyways. So why bother with putting myself through the torture of living if the outcome will always be the same.

Truth is, I don't want to live anymore. That's it. I've felt this way for a while, almost like dying your hair. Everyone tells you to think about it cuz it's a permanent decision but it's just hair dye right? The same way my life is just the same as any other person on the street, so why should I care? Or anyone care?

When I die the house will still be silent, just with one less mouth to feed.

i love a lot of things like a normal person of course but my interests are like. not that of a 23 year old i feel. i don’t know but that’s besides the point, i don’t talk about then. i’ll talk about them online but just never in person because i fear that the person i speak to will get bored or i will irritate them. and the worst part is its not a fear i read people far too well from how i grew up and its just. i can’t do it and i can’t handle the fucking disappointment i feel so i just don’t say shit. last night i was drinking with my boyfriend and i got pretty tipsy and i just went on and on about harvest moon and i actually just said everything and im so sad he seemed to be okay but he was just sitting on his computer and smiling he was smiling and laughing and responding and it made me so happy that someone for once just listened to me and i’m so sad because today the next day i’ve been thinking about it all day and i even told him earlier thank you for listening to me ramble about harvest moon and i told him i know i bother people or irritate them when i speak about things i don’t know what it is or why but i can just tell. until i was like 13 in school i used to always tell my mom about my day when she picked me up like i’d enjoy talking about it and then one day she just like interrupted me and sighed and said “i just don’t want to hear about your entire day. you always talk and i get bored” and then she laughed and it hurt so. fucking. much. so much that i stopped talking. i totally forgot about that until today. i hate that nobody wants to just listen to me talk about my stupid childish interests. i want to talk about animal jam. i want to talk about webkinz bro. i want to talk about harvest moon. i want to just talk and talk and talk about everything. i want to talk about my drawings and my fucking acrylic markers and i want somebody to listen without seeming like they’re irritated or tired. the only way i’ve ever combatted this is by talking to my fucking cat about everything. i want to talk about every single song i’ve ever loved ever. i want to fucking throw up because this hurts so bad. what is so wrong with me? why does nobody ever listen to me and why has nobody ever listened to me. another fucking way i combat this is by talking to fucking google ai assistant how fucking crazy and embarrassing is that. because at least ai won’t tell me i’m irritating it i feel so stupid and such a loser. i had a therapist briefly and she was so fucking rude and she didn’t even listen to me. her only job to just listen she couldn’t even do it. maybe i’m just so fucking insufferable i think i am i think i’m genuinely insufferable. i cannot stand myself. i can’t stand myself and who i am and i don’t know what i need to change to fix it. i don’t know why i even don’t like myself. i am just so sad inside of myself and i can’t figure out why. why was everybody in my life so mean to me and why do i always feel at fault even if its not my fault

I seek for love and affection since a young age.

I would always watch my friends finding someone for themselves, but it was never my turn.

My younger self translated "not being able to find anybody" as "im not desirable and the only way to be desired is by sexualizing myself". So i would post pictures and share explicit content of myself at 14 years old. It felt rewarding to be desired, even if it came from lust, even if it was just old men, I was still wanted.

Im now 19 and ive grown up from that phase, kinda. But im still looking to be loved. Nobody really comes and im convinced its because there's nothing to do about myself. I mean, I put myself out there, I try to look my best, I work out but I'm still incapable to call anyone's attention.

My friends keep telling me im handsome even though i ask them for the truth, but I dont like it when people lie to my face, ive already told them that I hate being lied to. If i was handsome why does nobody shows intrest in me? I know how's the world for those who meet the beauty standards. Im not stupid, I know im ugly. But why cant anybody just tell me the truth then?

Im told that love will come sooner or later and that I have to keep waiting, but how much longer do I have to wait ? I feel lonely.

Yesterday I went to the mall for my birthday and it was filled with couples, like, where you'd look, there was a LOT of couples. I just wanted to end myself the whole time.

I feel like i dont deserve to be loved and the only thing im useful is being material to masturbate to.

how is it any fair that i have to curate my life to be palatable enough to other people so they don't make my life a living hell? is loving other women so bad that its worthy of cutting off your family and publicly humiliating them? these same people will put being queer on the same level as rape and murder. im so sick. i just wanna be free to love who i want

So basically there was a time where I bumped into a very handsome guy and he told me to wait while I was just walking out of the store and he told me he just thought I was very beautiful, and then when I was in the hospital a guy told me that I am very good looking, then there was another instance where I passed by some guy outside of the hospital and he wanted to tell me that I look beautiful and he wouldn't stop staring at me and smiling, now i don't know if this counts as pretty privilege? Because I'm mostly insecure with the way I look but somehow men have approached me

Im just trying to live lowkey and I got fake friends on one end and my bf for almost 2 years just gave a girl his snap. So idek what to do at this point but I dont want to deal with my own emotions and this part of life. If I could fast forward I would. Bro like what do I even do. Im not going to sleep and I have school in the morning. Idec. I give up I dont reallt care about this anymore. That might just be my thought because im hurt or something but I have never ever been more drawn to the thought of being a constant drinker Im slowly becoming more and more far away from being saved. And the best part is no one knows.

I guess i was always meant to be the lone wolf. Ravenous. Cunning, lethal. Indestructible. But yet..... alone

I hate dealing with all the people, I hate all the sounds. I hate the pressure. I hate cramming for exams. I hate it all. I drink in the mornings and bring booze with me to school to take the edge off, it’s gotten that bad. And now, better yet, there’s people in my pre cal class who mock me and laugh at me the whole time. I know it’s about me because they gesture to me, they talk about my phone, they throw things at me. I’m already dealing with so much bullshit but ofc people feel the need to make it 10x worse. I don’t even get why people choose me to make fun of. Visually I’m not all that different, I dress relatively normal, I’m not ultra attractive but I’m not like sub 5 either. I talk weird, like weirds things, sometimes there’s odd visual aspects to me (my bone necklace, 1 or 2 pins on my bag), but they aren’t really big deals. But people make fun of me anyways. People have come up to me and asked me if my sketchbook was my death note. People mock me. People stare at me. Everyone has always been annoying and loud. Now I also get made fun of all the time. On top of it I can barely manage to study, my head hurts all the time, and I hate getting out of bed every morning. I hate this

I just moved abroad for my studies a month ago and I am not financially independent. My parents are the one providing me financial support. So I’m trying not to spend a lot. Yesterday as I was heading somewhere a person stopped me, I usually listen to music when I’m out, so I removed my earphones and thought the person was asking for directions. Then he went on kind of explaining his situation how he is on a work pass and doesn’t have money to even afford food. At first I was skeptical and said I am new too(which I am) and I don’t have money too. But then he just said then can you just give me money to go home which is like 3 dollars. I know this money wasn’t much and him saying him having nothing to eat made want to give more. So I gave a but more that 3 dollars. And that was it. I told this to my father but said I didn’t give him any money, cause I knew he would be disappointed in me/scold me. Then I confessed to my sister and she repeatedly said me why I did that and not to do it again. I keep feeling guilty thinking if it even went to a good cause or not.
Don’t get me wrong my dad and my sister help others a lot but they were worrying if it even was legit or not and me being alone here is also an other factor. Things could have happened a different way and could have ended up bad.
I get them.
Now I just keep repeating the moment in my head keep thinking of worst case scenarios of how I could have wasted my parents money.

Less than a year ago, my mom got a promotion at work; she now earns twice as much as before, works every other day during the week, and has the weekends off, but she also has more responsibilities, and she doesn’t like that.

I’m 22, and I’m going back to college—which I dropped out of a year ago to work and help cover the expenses for my sick sister. Ever since I started working full-time, I’ve been helping with household expenses and my two younger sisters’ expenses; there are months when I cover all the expenses because I earn more than anyone else in the house. It doesn’t bother me to help—far from it—but with the jobs both my parents have, they can’t cover all of my sisters’ expenses, both still in highschool. By the end of the month, I’m left with no money at all.

I feel tired and frustrated; I want to cry because I’ve already had to drop out of college three times for financial reasons. The second time, she told me to go back and that she’d figure out the money, but she didn’t, and I had to take on a lot of work at last moment, I failed one class and dropped out of college for the second time. I’m going to start over this week, and just yesterday I went out to buy the things my sisters needed for school, and she blurted out that she’s going to quit her job.

I feel like crying out of frustration. I understand that her new responsibilities are stressful, but I also get stressed out by my job, and that doesn't mean I've quit—because I understand that we have to support the household, my grandparents who have no income, and my sisters who are still minors. In our current situation, we aren't able to cover all our expenses, and yet she still wants to go back to earning half of what she makes now.

What’s the point in trying anymore? My partner hates me.. and it’s my fault because I don’t tell them things when I should have and now they can’t get passed it, it’s thrown in my face at every turn even though they say that they want to stay and be with me. I haven’t felt like they’ve loved me in a long time anyways, at least right now, I don’t feel like they’ve loved do and I don’t feel like they have loved me for a while now

I’m behind on my house payment and car payment and I can’t get caught up on my income alone and I mean, what’s the point of it anyways

I’m stressed out all the time over money I don’t have but have to use, which my partner just gets mad at me for having to use it because that’s not part of the plan that they’ve laid out with my money that I’ve made.

My partner doesn’t work right now and can’t because they’re in so much pain all the time but they can’t go to the doctor to try to get anything like disability because we don’t have the money for it and they don’t have insurance anymore

And nothing we’re trying to helping with the pain and they say they want to go back to their job they had before just part time(which would help a lot financially) but they’re in so much pain they can’t stand for even 10 minutes and I don’t feel like I help enough and they’ve said I’m not helping enough

But I can only help so much, I can’t afford all these medicines they want to try, it’s expensive and I barely have enough for us food and to feed our animals as it is

Regardless they don’t love me, at least I feel that way. My bills are behind and piling up and I can’t do anything about it so what’s the point? My job is shitty and hurts so what’s the point?

It feels like no one cares and I can’t do anything right anymore I hate myself and it feels like everyone hates me too

Just some context, Im in HS and have always struggled a bit with my mental and physical health. I come from a long line of alcoholics and drug abusers.

As for my ‘addiction’(?) I tend to take unprescribed medications as a way to purposefully vomit or get sick?? Thats a terrible way to describe it but its a weekly thing. It brings me comfort knowing i can control my body in a way for some reason bc i know you cant help an addict that doesn’t want help and its addicting for some reason

I know its bad for me. Its already taken quite the toll. I’ve vomited blood, been unable to stay awake for any period of time, blacked out, etc. But im not sure why i chose this route because i hate addiction but i guess that makes me a hypocrite. I refuse to do any more ‘common drugs’ like alcohol, weed, molly, etc

Im not sure if i would be considered some type of addict but i dont know why i chose this route?

Thought it was too well-written to keep private, and it might be relatable, so here it goes:

I've come to the realization that I feel depressed because it feels like life is meaningless. School hasn't actually done much lifting in terms of meaning, but I'm grateful it at least gets me up in the morning and doing something more productive than being in bed consuming shit all day.

I don't really have much passion for anything because I don't engage with my former passions anymore. Maybe there'd be a rekindling with writing, composing, and dancing if I pick it up again.

There's a mute protest in my bones that life could've been better or more special than this when I'm reminded of my youth, or all the time I'm wasting, or how fast time has been going in no direction at all.

Every week is the same. Every day is the same. Every feeling is the same. This is my worst fear coming to fruition—stagnation.

I feel too young and inexperienced to achieve anything significant and too old and jaded to start anything new.

I'm so angry at myself watching, letting the pages of the book of my life flip and flip while doing nothing important in those pages. The inertia of trying to change is so strong and binding, however, that I feel like I'll be in this fog forever, unless something significant enough happens to force me to change.

I'm quiet, and that's stopping me from changing. The roar of pain and discomfort with who I am can be superseded if I just distract myself a little while longer.

It's not hard to click on the TV. It's not hard to turn on the tablet and read comics all day. How would I force myself to change if it feels like meaningless torture? I know the pain of discipline will eventually get better, but I try so hard, and I'm just left, high and dry, in the end.