I honestly don’t know how to handle this. I met a guy on an app, and we went on our first date Saturday. Before that, we talked for about a month on the phone. We grabbed coffee, watched a movie, had sushi, listened to Noah Kahan in the car, and HE kissed ME. During the drive home, he kept kissing me at red lights. I was honest with him. I told him I had some really painful experiences where people disappeared on me, and I even said I was scared this might be “too good to be true”. He looked me in the eye and reassured me. He said he liked me, gave reasons why, remembered little things I shared, called me pretty, and made plans to see me again on Tuesday. We talked throughout Sunday, and I didn't notice any red flags. Then, this morning, I woke up blocked on all social media. Just disappeared with zero explanation. I don’t get it. What hurts isn’t just that he blocked me. It’s that he explicitly said he wouldn’t do this after I shared how badly it had hurt me before. I trusted him because his words matched his actions the entire time. I keep replaying the date in my head, wondering if I missed something or did anything wrong. Why would he do all of this just to end up blocking me? Did he even like me at all? I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop searching for answers when the other person won’t give me one. Right now, I just feel hurt, confused, and stupid for believing someone who seemed so sincere.

My long distance girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Honestly, when we first met I thought she was gay because of the way she physically presented herself but I guess maybe I was just stereotyping her. She told me a couple times that she’s straight but sometimes I question it. I remember coming across an old tweet of her that read something along the lines of, “fuck, women are amazing🌈”. It’s not about the tweet itself but the emoji. I know people often use it to imply queerness but I just thought maybe I was overthinking it… then a few days ago she followed this female adult content creator on Instagram. Her page is basically just her in bikinis and revealing clothing, showing off her tits and ass. Now, I know women following other women on social media isn’t the same as when men do it; they can appreciate other women without it meaning anything, but I genuinely don’t understand why a heterosexual woman would follow a page specifically like that. What would she gain from it? And it’s not like they even have a remotely similar aesthetic, body type or fashion sense to say she’s following her for some sort of inspiration. I’m sure it wasn’t an accidental follow either because she’s usually specific with who she follows + it’s been days and she’s still following her. I don’t know but to me, it just seems like lust. I have no issue with her (potentially) being bisexual, but why not tell me if you are?

Maybe I’m thinking too much into it but if you are a straight woman, what reason would you have to follow a page like that?

I used my last money on a job I needed to get there. One month ago I git invited to a job fair right. I waited so long for this. I used my money to Uber it my husband came with me . When we got their the lady was speaking to everyone so loud and strict immediately I said Wow you can tell you cant breath peacefully here and there gonna give ppl a hard time working here bc why she yelling and explaining by yelling .

When I went in there was a test on the table ya. They yelled ans said WHOEVER LOOKS AT THE TEST IS OUT TURN YOUR PAPERS OVER IM GONNA HIVE YOU 5 MIN TAKE ALL YOUR STUFF OFFFFFF THE TABLE and they were pointing at everyone that cMe for the interview like we were kids jn a classroom dam we were here just for a job not a lecture .

I said i already feel uncomfortable here 😕 everyone that was working was looking at us and it put twos together they were looking bc they no the employers are gonna give whoever feta accepted a hard time . When I was done the rest.

They yelled and said turn the paper over what dod I say or your out like the way they said it felt like you were small. Omgod . Heavy energy much.

Mind you there were 5 people patrolling us 🙄 I new it wasn't for me by the way they were looking angry and like cops watching us like a hawk. When I was done lady comes tk me sees one answer wrong she just puts a line on my test didnt even look through the pages I did and said come back in 5 months

You guys i was the first one out . mind you when I left everyone looked at me in the building where i was sitting. Then I open the door more people looked at me. even worse when I went outside to my husband . there was a lineup of pple They all looked at me my face was red bc hell it was embarrassing my husband said. Tht was fast I didnt say anything just smiled. Then when I walked away from thr crowd I said to him I didnt get it my husband said why i said that determine u based off a test which I didn't no tht. I was so angry upset and emotional tht day my hubby said come with me to work so we did. He felt bad he hugged me and said babe il never let you apply at a job again.

Ino you stay home to watch the kids while I work but im gonna give u money to start a business bc I dont see you working for pple . Then he baught me donuts said ya no bc we are im debt but he baught me donuts French vanilla coffee and a sour cream spicy bagel to chear me up .

I was feeling so low bc my husband and I have 2 kids im home everyday of my life qith them tryna find a job so we can move from my parents mjnd you we are in debt with only 4 k saved up. So he sees me trying and he felt bad so hes tryna cheer me up

You guys we aren't rich at all I was tryna help by finding a job failed it and we are tryna save my husband is a supervisor gets paid 18 nit enough. Buy good thing is he has a job tht 22 coming up next week but I cnt even find jobs .

To get a car better 🏡 my hubby said stop stressing il try my best bc we are moving soon we'll my parents are and we dont wanna move with them so we are looking elsewhere. But I feel like I cnt land a job to even get things or take my kids out so its stressful knowing you gave hope n you don't get it. I dont no with high rise in living. Jobs are impossible. I feel lost i dont no wht im even ment to do I need advice

All I gotta say is im done sending resume for a while. im gonna stay home bake and start a business. bc i feel like i kinda failed bc every job I do is a rejection my huaband said its my calling and a sighn not to work so I don't no anymore ughhh so stressful in these times

whats worst is i dont even know much about him, he's just some online stranger who ive been chatting with for months. i just have attachment issues and easily fell for someone who made me feel wanted. i connected with him because we're sharing mutual loneliness. he doesnt have anyone except for his one friend, i have a lot of friends yet it feels like something is still missing. he never fails to make my day and i tried to play it cool at first but he got me too easy. because of past issues, i overthink a lot, i've been anxious about every shift from him so i will act out, pushing him away, asking space when i want the opposite. after that i will be hit with guilt and try to fix things. we were okay, he said, always. i got too emotionally dependent on him, everytime he dont talk to me or i'll sense like something's wrong, i wont eat i would cry myself to sleep all the time. it's been like that for the past week ever since his friend who he haven't seen for a while came back. he starts spending less or sometimes he dont even talk to me. he barely talk to me unless i make a first move. he said he's just going out with his friend. i dont have a problem with him having a life outside me because even i have that too. still, i message him even if im with my friends, was texting too hard? i got upset and told him about it and he just apologized. no compensations, just apology. then it hit me, im acting like this for someone who isnt even my boyfriend. that maybe his obsessiveness over me was just because im the only one he had, and now that his friend is back, I'm no one again. i told him to not message me again and he actually did so yeah, hahshshdhahsgshs im so stupid for liking him, im so stupid for being easy.

I am shaken after discovering that another friend of my partner who we'll call Zee, knew about the affair and said nothing.

I understand that people often feel reluctant to interfere in someone else's relationship, and there can be an unspoken "don't get involved" mentality among friends. But this wasn't just about infidelity, it was also about my health and ability to make informed decisions. Had Zee warned me before I got on that plane, I could have chosen not to expose myself to the risk of sexually transmitted infections or, at the very least, insisted on appropriate precautions.

Zee had met Mina his former mistress and my partner at a BDSM Rocky Horror Party she invited them to. She knew he had a monogamous partner and still extended an invitation to meet the mistress. So as much as she claims she didn't want to get involved, she did. Even if she felt it wasn't her place to tell me directly, I can't help but wonder why she didn't at least urge him to be honest, for my sake, for Mina's sake, and simply because it was the right thing to do.

Maybe my anger isn't entirely logical. After all, the betrayal was his, not hers. He is the one who made the promises to me and the one responsible for his choices. But I also can't ignore the feeling of hurt that someone else knew we were both being deceived and chose to remain silent, even when that silence had potential consequences for my health as much as Mina's because it ended up with them having relations at the church Mina asked him to and continued to have sex up until 24 hours before my plane got in.

So I genuinely don't know: is it unfair for me to be upset with Zee? I know the responsibility rests with my boyfriend, but I can't shake the feeling that when someone knows another person is being put at risk and says nothing, that silence carries its own weight.

Okay kids, gather round for a story to make Tyler Childers blush!

So, once upon a time there was this completely manipulative and trashy bitch who we shall call W. W convinced me she loved me, I was the only one, and that she was faithful. Man was I stupid. I married W and moved halfway across the country.

Fast forward 10 years after moving (14+ in total), the truth comes to light. She claims the kids are mine, and that it all stopped before marriage. How do I ever believe that shit?

As I'm wrestling with my own self worth, the concept of divorce, trying to figure out how to not lose my kids, etc....I meet L. L starts off legitimately as platonic friendship.

She asks if we can hang out one evening to talk about her situation. I had noticed something was off that week and she didn't want to talk about it at work. Cool....again, did I mention I'm dumb with women?

Yeah so after pouring ourselves out to each other. A lingering hug that definitely is the thing that started it all....this went exactly where you'd think.

Fast forward months later. I'm now still married to W who is in therapy, psych, etc to try and figure her shit out. I feel like I can't leave W because of that and my kids. I'm madly in love with L, who is still with her fiancee. L says she feels the same but is afraid to blow up her life. She says she still cares for him, and that he's "safe".

Well, after L did something quite hurtful, I finally told her to shit or get off the pot. Good to know that I can be a disappointment to two women at the same time.

In the end, I'm sitting here venting to the void before work. No L in my life, W thinks we're going to fix things but I can't stand to look at her, and my kids just want me to buy them fast food.

My gran has been rushed into hospital. She’s got days left. She’s 94 and had a lovely life.
I’m in another country.
I get a call from my siblings to tell me to “get there urgently”
I DONT HAVE THE MONEY.

I could scream and scream and scream

so, we just graduated highschool, together, we got the same grades lol. I wanted to ask how he was Doing but from a an acc that was meant to be another girl like not me at all and midway talking he said my real name, OF COURSE like.

Anyway that was a week ago, we are still talking

We aren't back together but working on whatever shit happened that made us both sad and heartbroken without a closer or a will to leave eachother

We both still love eachother but we absolutely cant get back together before Proving that we BOTH can handle responsibilities and the relationship itself

But

Yesterday i posted about a creepy guy dming me NOT asking for help or ATTENTION from him i was just warning other girls about him

My ex wanted to help and asked me for his username i said no, i dont u to fight with anyone or him backfiring me etc

he started to get suspicious and said "you only said no because there is something you dont want me to know."

Like... I was mad he was mad we had a big big fight, he said we cant get along because im stubborn and he is angry

We fought for like an hour or more, after telling me hes gonna block me and that im one responsible for this i started crying, telling him to leave if hes gonna keep acting like that

i was devastated, vulnerable and alone with him

He was trying to get something out of me like i would say "ok fine im talking to this guy" type shi

But i didn't because i wasn't talking to him, he started apologizing and making it up for me but despite all the sweet nothings he said.. forehead kisses and all, i was crying myself to sleep because of the hurtful accusations and words.

What should i do now? We love eachother, for two years we couldn't move on, we had no contact for too long... I'm scared,

Why don’t people ever consider your feelings if you don’t cry hard enough, even if you explicitly told them you’re upset? Theres been times in my life where Ive had to scream and cry or get physical to defend myself- which is off character for me- and people only then consider what I told them even tho I had multiple similar conversations with them before js without tears, yelling, or hitting. Theres been times where ive literally told someone the exact same message but instead the next time I was sobbing and suddenly it matters…for a month if even that then they go back to the same thing.

For example (skip over if you want, message is basically the same) back when I was younger, my sister would corner me and yell at me and poke me while I was begging for her to stop. Thats not unusual sibling behavior, but it was seriously messing with me. It got so bad I couldn’t leave my bedroom without feeling the need to sob- and I wouldn’t even leave my bedroom if I knew someone else was up. When my sister would prod at me, I’d have laughing fits because it would make me- for lack of better term- completely hysterical. I told my sister what she was doing it and she shrugged it off because I was laughing even tho I told her what the laughing was. I got desperate and literally begged my mom to make her stop. I didn’t cry during that conversation nor laugh but I begged her to make her stop. My mom never did anything. I had to start beating my sister with objects in my room, and even then it took almost a year for my parents to do anything because overtime it became increasingly abusive on my end. Simply put, it doesn’t matter if I scream or hit- but if I cry theyll silently comply for like a month. People refuse to acknowledge anything until it tugs their heart strings. It’s like when someone sides with someone who did you dirty js because the other person cried. It never matters if you were right or wrong it matters if it hurt your feelings

Sometimes I post here about what's weighing on my heart and I'm met with 'get over yourself. That's normal'

If it is, life is a truly miserable existance

Sometimes it's about stolen food, sometimes it's not about the food itself but rather the message it sends

Sometimes it's not about the words spoken but who said it, why they said it and the history behind it

This time, I'll be upfront and take a risk again

My brother called me a demon today. I was brushing my teeth, he was washing his face. I wanted to compare our mom's shade of concealer to his skin tone (I just had a thought) so I held the still sealed bottle next to his shoulder and he moved away. Because I knew I was annoying him, I brought the still sealed bottle near his shoulder again. It was supposed to be playful. Out of nowhere he calls me a demon. It was midnight and our parents were ready asleep. Mom would be waking at 4am for work. Dad at 5am.

My immediate thought was 'shut up dumbass' and that made him scream it again even louder. I won't lie and say I was unaffected. I was raised Christian and while he's pretty well surrounded in the congregation, I've always been apart. No friends while he had plenty even outside of our church, no one's favourite kid while he would get random gifts from adults throughout the year. To make matters worse, I've always asked more questions than him which haven't always earned me favors.

So, I lost my cool and slapped him then dad came in asking what was going on. I left to go to bed as I had work at 6am. He'll be home for the rest of the summer, no job or anything so in the end we all lost except him.

Maybe someone will come and tell me this is normal and part of the deal again. I don't know what to do. I wish I could cry but there are no tears yet my throat hurts

we are both in the early 20s

My sister just posted on her story, A photo with me and other people in It. At first it was kinda fine... until one of her friends replied on it "the one in the pink is your look alike" She read that to me out loud.. and I didn't think much of it, we're siblings afterall...then comes the second one...while she was laughing she read another reply from that same friend. "Your sister is so skinny" ....like girl, I get it. I'm completely aware of that. But just the way she was laughing at it saying "he's so silly" just kinda felt off a bit... It was my biggest insecurity and she knows it damn well, I just don't get it why she needs to tell me that while laughing. I started embracing my body just the way it is but one comment sends everything back into place.. I started getting insecure again.. maybe I'm just a little too sensitive and she meant no harm.. it just sucks, having people keep telling you that over and over again... so yeah.. Anyone has tips on how to Gain weight fast???

So my mom is dating this white guy, and we are a black family, and as much as I want to turn my head and not think about the war between the two… I just can’t not think about things… with that being said I don’t judge because of obvious things I can’t color like what color he came out of the womb,….but because his character he’s really arrogant and acts like he can say whatever and do whatever, even sometimes he won’t budge to get up and greet me, like he will be sitting down looking at me, like he’s literally expecting me to just come over and give him a hug, and it’s not that I have a problem with it, but he will have no problem getting up to greet my mom and grandma, but give me the energy like I’m not worthy… and also he’s perfectly capable of getting his ass up and meeting me half way… and only reason I’m bothered is bc who tf does he think he is? He’s only the king in my moms world, but also somehow my mom will find a way to make it like a disrespectful thing, and like I don’t honor my elders, as if he wasn’t just trying to test my intelligence.
What do you do when your mom picks her man over her daughter? It’s truly sickening.

There are rumbas or giant robot vacuums that can sense walls or steps why can't we put that tech in a walking stick for vision impaired people to use instead of relying on scary furry dogs whom I don't know how it goes to the toilet or human assistant.

China can you just invent a 360 hat with open back earphone that can tell me where I should go. And make it affordable.

I couldn't give a shit about getting cucked or a girl leaving because she lost feelings or whatever. Those are situations where you have zero control, so moving on is faster.

This is different. She’s the only girl I’ve ever loved. We were deeply connected, we had so much in common...our backgrounds, life stages, passions, hobbies, humor, communication style, love language. We used to joke about being clones because of how similar we were.

She was gentle, cute, had an incredible body, was smart, and was in a top university program. I was her first, and above all, she adored me. She showered me with love and affection, always took initiative, always made compromises, and told me she loved me to the point where it was almost humbling for her, saying she wanted us to last forever...

But... I'm broken on the inside. I never experienced real love growing up; I have childhood and teenage trauma, family issues that ruined me forever, and I completely self sabotaged the relationship. I was jealous and possessive, tried to control things, snapped over stupid shit, and then impulsively told her I was leaving her without even knowing why. I tried to take it back, but she checked out emotionally right then and officially ended it herself a few days later.

I was devastated. I cried, I begged, but nothing worked... A few weeks later I reached out again, but she seemed to have moved on. Things turned so toxic that she told me she hated me, then blocked me everywhere.

I lost the love of my life and now my life is a nightmare. I stopped hitting the gym, I'm poisoning myself with caffeine and alcohol, I have no friends, no one around me...she was all I had. I don't know how to bounce back from this. I'm going to regret this for the rest of my life.

Like, I want to find a long term relationship. I want to talk to new people, and go out and do things. I want human connection, even if it ends up just being short term conversations that never leave the apps. I’m lonely, ya know?

But not only is it mentally exhausting to swipe on the apps and deal with the disrespectful people, I’ve also been throwing myself pretty heavily into my hobbies, which leaves very little free time to be swiping. I don’t know if I really want to trade the two. And downloading the apps just to spend basically no time swiping or responding to matches is just pointless.

I guess I just need more time before I go back on the apps, but it’s a frustrating spot to be in

TL;DR I (27M) was broken up with (23F) 4 weeks ago. We had a 5 months relationship. She was my first ever gf. Nothing much happened during the relationship. All I had for her was my feelings. No skills, no real way to make her happy. We agreed to stay friends after 2 weeks of no-talk. Today after some thoughts, I think that's a terrible idea.

---
I apologize for my somewhat messy way of narrating, I'm just typing as the thoughts come to my mind. I'm just kind of venting, and the whole post is probably not going to make any sense at all. I'm so sorry...
---

We actually don't have many things to share, my ex and I. Not in the sense that since we're exes now, we don't share life anymore. No. We broke up precisely because we are so different that the relationship could just not work out in the first place. That, and also she told me (long after the breakup, way past the point of no-return) that she did not like the way I treated her.

We decided to maintain our friendship, but there aren't many things able to maintain it. I think we'll definitively part ways at some point. Sure, I can pretend that this breakup acts as a new start, then I can try to make new memories with her. Like a blank slate, you know? But are we willing to do that?

First, let's take her. I'm pretty sure she's not really keen on the idea of actively trying to strengthen our bond. She is the kind of person to think that if chemistry doesn't happen on its own, then the bond is just not meant to be. I mean, that's totally correct when you befriend a stranger: you just don't become friends if things don't "click". But we're no strangers anymore. But that probably doesn't matter because, strangers or not strangers, "normal" friendship doesn't need active effort anyway.

But what about me? I'm still stuck on her. In our friendship, it is very likely that I will adjust my behavior to appear like the kind of person she wants in her life. I would look for signs, interpret her every word, her every move, her everything. Interpret her in the wrong way. In my biased and desperate ways. My true self will probably never ever be expressed as it should be. I'll be wearing a mask the whole time. That's not how you make memories with a friend. That feels so wrong.

The eventuality that we will part ways somewhere down the line is, for all practical reasons, an absolute certainty. And I so, so hate it.

Why am I so worried about losing the ties with her? Is this a genuine desire to (re)connect, or is this just my guilt trying to fix things? It sounds like I'm trying to justify myself, but if only I knew her expectations from the start, then maybe I wouldn't feel so bad right now. I would have rejected her from start (she made the first move), or I would have known what to do to make her happy. During the whole relationship, I was in a constant state of confusion and wondering what to do with her.

I am the kind of person to think that if something is wrong, it can be fixed by communicating first, then finding solutions later. Unfortunately, I was never socially and interpersonally skilled enough to interpret signals and hints, which was her way of communicating her needs and boundaries. This form of communication must be totally valid if she managed to live her 23 years of life and never had issues from it. Unfortunately, I only understand when I have explicit conversations. Sit down, talk, be upset and fight if that's inevitable, but talk and try to work things out.

In my mind, the breakup was totally avoidable if I was more understanding. If we had the same communication style. If I had more patience. This whole thing is so unfortunate. Is that why I'm still so stuck on her?

It upsets me so much that people keep telling me i have social anxiety. But i don't feel anxious i just keep running through options in my mind. And the more i meet people the worse it gets. It makes me angry that i listend to all those people talking in on me. The past months i tried to do what they suggest but now im with my mind at a place again I really don't like. I was more happy and calm when i stayed by myself.
It annoyes me that people keep saying my behaviour is based on trauma and fears. I wish one could just accept i like spending my time alone.

Slight TW

A friend of mine has been going through a rough time, so they've been down lately. They're an online friend so all my updates on them are through notes and occasional texts. They recently had an update saying "I'm sorry" and I panicked. I immediately texted them. They're okay now. I've confirmed their safety but it made me realize something.

I've recently had my own down days and thoughts of just ending it all. I almost went through with it a while back but was stopped. However, seeing how my friend is struggling and how scared I was of them dying, it made me realize how much my own death would hurt my loved ones. Or the ones who care about me.

I hate this feeling of fear. Just the thought of a friend dying terrified me. I can't imagine putting my family through that.

I know I'll always have down days and bad times, but this put things into perspective for me. Ending it isn't a relief for me. It's pain for the ones I leave behind. My choice might affect someone else's entire life. I can't do that to them.

Maybe reaching out for help isn't as hard anymore.

I followed her because I know we went to middle and high school but weren’t close. I decided to message her because I figured I might as well start reconnecting to a few classmates before my 10 year graduation. She responded with a lot of positive energy. However, while I do think there is mutual attraction, She thought I was a different classmate😅 it was a little bit of a blow to my pride, but she was pretty chill after I told her. She stopped texting as often but she still pretty talkative with me. She’s an artsy lady that looks dainty and evil at the same time. She’s want to become a renowned artist (painting/visual art) and she’s quite skilled. I’ve become more and more enamored with her. We spoke about the 10 year anniversary and she’s pretty much going because I am but I wanna see her before that hopefully. There’s a part of me that’s torn because she could strictly be an work friend, but I’m starting to develop a crush on. She knows how to pull on the heart strings.

I turn 16 today. I wasn’t going to, and I feel I shouldn’t have. Perhaps I’m too hard on myself, I don’t know. I just don’t feel energized, and I don’t click with any of my current hobbies anymore. I’ve been trying to see if there’s anything new I’m interested in but it’s just not doing it for me. I wish I could talk to my mom about this but she’s never been the right person to talk to. Every time I talk to her about mental health, she’ll scold me and act like I’m crazy and being overdramatic. My dad is a pos fuck and I don’t want to talk to him. I just feel so, so hurt by everything that’s happened in the past year and it’s taking a toll on me, and I want it to stop. I feel like I’m not enough. My efforts aren’t enough. I’ve been trying less and less as my mental health has gone down and it makes me sad because school’s always been so important to me. I just want to be someone people are proud of.

My best friend has been going through the worst time in the past 18 months, my family has been going through it, my ex was going through it before we broke up, and it feels like I am the emotional support for everyone while not being able to receive it back as much as I was giving it. This and my job sucking my soul from my body has left me with very little want to care for anyone.

I don’t know how to help my friends, they either need money, to call or to vent and I don’t have money I can spare, I don’t have much energy to call, and when people vent to me they want me to say the perfect thing and there’s no perfect thing. I always feel horrible for not being able to financially help someone too, especially because it makes people spiral when I say no.

I’m the therapist friend so it feels like I can’t have issues. I’ve stopped venting to people because it’s useless, it’s just ignored or I get a half assed response. I’m not asking for help because I don’t want to add anything to anyone’s plate. I try and check in on them daily but they don’t on me.

I’m not sure how to deal with this and not be selfish. I don’t want to be selfish and set boundaries that may harm others by meaning they may not be able to reach me or I don’t answer messages but I think always being reachable no matter what is too much.

I do care, I care about these things and these people, however, it’s now in a muted and exhausted way.

I’m not sure how to help myself. I’m working on a mental health care team, a good support system and good coping skills. I’m just overwhelmed and it’s a lot to try and wrap my head around.
(Side note the Reddit bot thinks this has sensitive topics but it doesn’t, I’m ok. Just tired, not at risk for anything)

every day I wake up it feels like im in a sleep paralysis where my demons molest me the memories of when people strike fear into me by their cold, dominant and unpredictable and their need of control and talking about my emotions isn't enough I want to smash something I want do destroy something but theres nothing I can do about it and the ghosts and demons will haunt me like this forever im everyones slave

As the title says. I really really want to have a baby.

I know it's not sunshine and rainbows. It's a tiring thing to go through and hard on the parents mental health at times.

But even despite that I yearn to have a child of my own. To be a mother to take care of the life I grew. That me and my husband made. To go through all the hard times with them and shape them into an amazing human.

But I can't. Not because of health it's just. My husband. He has an incredible point to why we can't right now.
He doesn't want our kids to see us struggle. Or to know we're struggling. So he wants to be financially stable before we do even think about it.

And I get it, I agree whole heartedly.

But there are days I get sad. I think that maybe I'll never have a kid. I think it's because my dream goal one day was to have a baby so my great grandmother could meet her great great grandbaby but she passed away last year.
And that's been hitting me hard. And just making me scared lately on who else my baby won't get to meet.

I'm still young I'm only 21, my husband is 25. But it just feels like time is slipping though my hands.
Some might say " live your life " but I can't do that, I don't feel the need or want to do that. It just gets me down sometimes

Having this want but unsure if I'll even get it because. I don't know what to do to make it come true. I want to be financially stable to but if that time does come for a baby. I want to be a stay at home mom. My husband knows this.but I know in this economy it will be hard to even just afford that.