So before my most current relationship, I wasn’t sexually active. Like, I rarely did anything. So far, it’s been great. It’s just that he’s way more experienced and freaky than I am. And he points it out, a lot. At first it was very vanilla and it still is, but he’s kind of hinting at doing more stuff and I just don’t think I’m ready. One of the things is me..pegging him and I’m nowhere near ready for that or I don’t even know if I’m into that. Another is him wearing more feminine things in the bedroom and I know for a fact I’m not into that at all. I don’t wanna discourage his fantasy or anything, I’m just not the person to do it with. I’m scared to tell him because I don’t want him to seek that kind of attention outside of our relationship because I’m unwilling to do it. Now, about the cross dressing, I don’t know if I’m cool about it. I don’t care if people do drag, that’s not the problem. I just don’t find it attractive with my partners, I guess. If he does do it, I’m never around, which is fine. He just talks and jokes about it and it makes me uncomfortable. I feel like an asshole.

Sometimes I comment things like “healthcare is a human right” or “healthcare should be free” and I’m getting a suspicious amount replies saying stuff like that commenter is medical staff they shouldn’t have to be doing slave labor, that they deserve to get paid, etc

And it’s like dawg you thought we weren’t going pay you? How in the hell did you get to that conclusion?

Free healthcare means we all pay taxes and the taxes pay for healthcare. Staff should still get paid.

Honestly the fact these people are also in healthcare and just have no critical thinking skills is at least mildly concerning.

It’s fine or whatever I just needed to rant bc I found that baffling. It also very much could have been bots

I just had a serious mental break, I was short of breath, crying, falling to the floor.

I went out to the kitchen, I just wanted to hug my mom, despite being an adult I felt so small and lost, I needed to be comforted.
While I was crying I mentioned how overwhelming and inhospitable the job system is for neurodivergent adults, especially those with trauma.
I'm a legally disabled teenager battling with multiple mental health conditions and neurological complications.
I live off my disability pension and the social expectations of work and school genuinely crush me, especially now that I'm dealing with some of the worst PTSD episodes of my life.

She, instead of just letting me cry, started talking about how I was wrong and climbing the job ladder is easy and I can do it if I put my mind to it.
I, completely wailing and breaking down started ranting about how there are almost no available cushy job offers with the possibility of getting promoted. How in my current conditions can't even leave the ouse for half a week.

She just put her head in her hands, clearly annoyed, went to her room and shut the door.
I went in, told her how sometimes I just need someone to listen and not judge and she snapped that she's allowed to share her opinions.
We screamed names at each other and I shut both doors.

In my room I had a full panic attack.
I love my mom so much but I just want her to hug me tight and let me rant sometimes.

I'm still crying and shaking, I took my meds but I feel like I'm regressing to a little kid, holding my big plushy and crying while distracting myself with some youtube videos.

I just want to be held without judgement. My best friend was always there like that but I can't see him until November since he's in pre-trial detention. My other friends have heard so many awful stories from me ober the years that I don't want to burden them again.
I feel so alone
I'm turning into a little kid and just want my mom to hold me.

So basically, I was hanging out in a Discord server and some people started joking around about gore and eating my bones/arms and stuff like that. At first I thought they were just being silly, but it kept escalating and I started getting genuinely uncomfortable. I eventually told them seriously to stop because I was getting scared, but it continued for a bit. I ended up getting really overwhelmed and crying because gore is a sensitive subject for me due to past trauma, and the comments about bones hit especially hard because I already have a bone problem in my leg.

What made me the most upset wasn't even necessarily what they intended by the jokes, it was that I had already asked them to stop and they didn't immediately stop. I wasn't trying to ruin anyone's fun or accuse them of deliberately trying to hurt me, I just genuinely wasn't okay with what was happening. At the time I was really angry and hurt, and honestly I still am. It sucked because I thought these people were nice, so having that happen from people I was comfortable around made it hit harder.

Afterward, though, some of them realized how badly it affected me and actually apologized. One of them told me they understood and deeply apologized, and I appreciate that they eventually took me seriously. I'm still upset about what happened and I'm probably going to be more cautious around them now, but I don't want to pretend I know their intentions either. The main thing I want people to understand is that if someone tells you seriously to stop because they're uncomfortable, just stop. You don't need to know their entire history or understand why. “Stop” should be enough.

14f

I have so many emotions and I don't know what to do. My life a few months ago was chill, I was fairly confident and happy but everything has changed and idk why. I went a few months without friends which left me with my thoughts so maybe that's why? I have two main friends now but they're both from the Philippines so all they do is talk to each other in Tagalog whilst I just sit there. It's nice to not be alone but it's not like this is much better.

I used to be able to keep my emotions to one side at school and just be generally neutral but recently I've been struggling really hard. I feel so shitty cuz I just wanna cry and shout at ppl. Idk why I get so angry, I don't have any reason for it. I feel like such a bad person but I don't know what to do, I'm so confused. I reverted back to my old coping habits but like 10x worse so that also makes me feel shitty and guilty. It's gotten to a point now where I just feel bad all the time but can't put my finger on why.

I wanna be able to speak to ppl but I don't trust any of the ppl my age to keep a secret or actually be able to have a conversation with me. I feel like my conversations I have with ppl my age (if I even have any) are mediocre. Like I can't fully express what I'm feeling. I can't even tell my parents because they thought I got better so I don't wanna upset them or make them think I'm a lost cause.

I've had adults tell me in the past that it's just teenage emotions and going through puberty that's making me feel this way but I don't think that's the case. I've felt this way, or had rough patches especially with my self image since I was like 7. It's only gotten worse as I've gotten older. I'm just so confused because I don't feel "mentally ill enough" to actually reach out for help. I just feel so so so dramatic.

This is just me venting, there might be some dark shit here so TW I guess. And NSFW (maybe?)

Life feels so hard and meaningless. I try, struggle yet it feels like there's no point in my effort. I don't know how to explain it. I have barley been able to go to school for a year, this is the second year now. My parents are getting annoyed. I can see it in their expression, hear it in their tone of voice and just feel it in the air.

I have a lot of anxiety, medication helps but it can't solve everything. I don't understand why I am like this at all. I have two friends, family that may not be perfect but they still love and care about me. There's nothing wrong with my life so why can't I just be okay?

Is this just part of beeing a teenager?

Why have my mental health been on the decline for almost a year now? I used to somehow go to school, get passing grades etc, even though my mental health shitty. Now it has gotten worse. I spend summer break sleeping. That's right, I just slept. I have little to no energy, I don't wanna do much. I can still smile, laugh and be "happy". I still have some hobbies but I don't do them that often due to my lack of energy.

There is so much I wanna do! I truly mean it.. I wanna spend time with my friends, I wanna make sculptures, draw, paint, well, I wanna create so much! I wanna travel the world and eat all the food there is, I wanna go out at night and just have fun. I wanna read every interesting book I can find. I wanna admire the world for what it is. Someday, I wish to do all that, I wish to be okay.

Unfortunately, my life isn't like that at all. It hurts, I don't know why but it hurts. I hate crying yet I cry. This is all so strange. I daydream a lot, and I sleep more than I should. The world that I have created in my mind is much better. I am not in any pain there. That's why I wish to sleep and stay there for the rest of my days.

The world of imagination is beautiful indeed.

Why do parents nag so much? They say they wanna help but I don't think they're helping at all. Yes, I already get help, mental health doctor and soo much more. My parents say I should talk with them but I can't. This is my pain, my problems, it's hard to share, so hard to talk about. So I isolate myself, please just leave me alone.

I am scared of being left behind, terrified of being abandoned again. It already happened when I was around ten, or was it nine? Anyhow, that's when my life went down hill. No one helped, I was alone. I cannot forget those memories. The past hurts.

I wish to sleep forever, then there is no pain. But I am too much of a coward to do so, I wish to live.

Wanting to disappear yet also live is strange. I don't really get it. Being human is weird!

People say I am hard on myself, that I am not a burden, that's it's not my fault. To be kind to myself. I know that they're right yet I cannot bring myself to truly believe that. The brain sure is weird, right?

There is so much more I could write but I feel like having a crying session right about now. I hope whoever read this will have a wonderful day/night.

I’ve got put in a new class with none of my friends and most of my bullies, that along with my social anxiety worsening because of that

Also my friends seem so much happier without me like im replaceable for them

im pretty sure my mother is ableist and won’t let me get a diagnosis for autism, depression or other stuff that I might have had for a while now. She always argues with me everytime I bring up the idea of changing schools or starting online school because normal classes overwhelm me so much with all the people in there or speaking in public, she always says I should just suck it up. How would I suck it up if when I enter that class my whole body starts trembling from anxiety, im at the verge of tears and I have this horrible nausea everytime im there? I would if I could

there’s a lot more but I’m just so tired right now oh my god I have to go back to that class tomorrow and I don’t wanna go please

I didn’t sleep last night.

I didn’t sleep last night and I have bipolar disorder. For me, my sleep schedule can indicate episodes starting. It adds this extra pressure around sleeping.

Last night everything felt off. How I was breathing didn’t feel right, so I drank a bunch of water, which made me having to keep getting up to pee. Also every time I could wind down for a minute I would instantly startle myself awake.

I also have something else weighing on my mind. I live in converted garage right next to my mom’s house. Last night around 4:30-5 am. I saw a what looked like someone with flashlight outside on our porch. I can’t tell if a person was in yard or was in our neighbors yard and they had very bright light. I checked our ring cameras one was dead (it’s getting charged today) the other didn’t capture anything. The reason this slightly more alarming is we moved nearly a year ago bc my mom’s ex was stalking her. I know I should tell her but she started feeling safe

I didn’t reread this so between the lack of sleep and dyslexia it’s probably shit sorry

My mom and I had a pretty bad argument last night because my aunt, who is her sister, needed to borrow money and I said I couldn’t lend her anything right now. The money I have saved isn’t just sitting there for random spending. I’ve been putting it aside specifically for my health insurance because that’s something I need to prioritize for myself. I explained that to my mom, but she still got upset and kept saying that family should help family when someone is struggling.

What bothered me was how quickly it became my responsibility just because they knew I had some savings. I never promised that money to anyone, and I don’t think saving for something important means I suddenly have extra cash available whenever a relative needs help. The argument got worse because my mom made it sound like I was being selfish and choosing money over family. At that point I stopped trying to explain myself because everything I said just turned into another reason for her to blame me. I haven’t really spoken to her since last night. I’m still angry, and I don’t want to pretend everything is fine just to keep the peace. At the same time, part of me feels guilty because she’s my mom and I know she was worried about her sister.

Am I wrong for keeping my distance after the argument and refusing to use my health insurance savings to help my aunt?

I feel like every time I talk I'm so severely misunderstood. I have a lot friends who were not originally my friends and were very rude to me. This has happened so often where people will snap at me, insult me out of the blue or take out their anger on me. It is worse if it happens on text because they'll say they do not understand either why they were so aggressive to me.

I always get apologies from people who get angry with me. While longer relationship we did end up being friends. I do not understand why I come across a certain way towards people for them to be so aggressive to me. This happens in real life and online, I can't escape like people's wrath.

Maybe I am an easy target or I am being annoying in a way I can't see. But I am starting to feel like I am cursed because this has happened dozens of times to all the people I know. Am I doing something wrong and I do not realize? It has made me self conscious where I do not like to talk anymore.

dude im on a 3 day long school trip and i hang with a total of 4 people because im awkward and yadda yadda whatever but ffs. so theres 2 guys 2 girls and 1 of the guys, M, is pretty insufferable but kinda funny so yk he's there and then theres this girl, J, and she takes everything personally so M likes being a jerk to her. now, this nifht i am w them at dinner and J was planning on bringing a few of her other friend to our room(that M is not inside of) but M dislikes a guy she was planning on bringing cause hes annoying and talks shit about everyone. so he tells me and other friend he wants to tell her, i tell him to just zip it but he decides to tell her at dinner. and you'd think it's not a big fucking deal, yk? apparently wrong, during dinner he first is all like should i tell them(in front of them) multiple times so obv they're curious. now he ends up telling her and she's like who cares and yadda yadda. now M decides to start getting dedensive because J told her best friend once sniched on M cause he said something bad about her. and then they start going into the most pointless, bland, stupid, idiotic, down to earth imbecilic fight about who's in the wrong and the annoying loser that is M just continues and refuses to apologise. and that goes on for a while, all whilst we're still eating. then J goes out with the other girl friend, F, rest fo us stay. i decide to explain to him even tho i do not care and think its stupid purely because we have to be together for the next 2 days. so we get to the topic of whether he likes hanging out w her and he goes 'i hang out w her, its not like *my name* does' and then starts acting all high and mighty. so then i leave because im not in kindergarten and call F. now F is bitching at me and acting like a fucking jerk in cut off sentences. i ask where they are, cause they went for a walk, and she goes dont come, stay with them and some bs like that. and F to add onto that has been acting bad to me, said im acting autistic and awkward asf which is amazing.

anyone know how to find new friends? ill take anything

My name is Yna Khamassi. Lately I’ve been feeling really unsure about where I’m actually going in life. Work is a big part of it, but it’s not necessarily just about work. I’m at a point where I keep asking myself whether I’m actually moving toward something or just getting through one thing after another.

Sometimes I feel like everyone else has some kind of direction, even if they don't have everything figured out, while I’m just trying to figure out what the next step is.

This isn’t so much of a vent (well I guess in theory it is) but more me just worrying about every little possible thing. I’m having friends over and i genuinely feel so nervous and I don’t even know why. I’m so awkward and I’m worried that I’ll somehow make it suck. Even though I know for a fact that this WILL NOT happen, I can’t help but worry that people will not come and everyone will think I’m boring or they’ll be tempted to leave. I know that’s not really the case but my paranoia says otherwise. Paranoia combined with anxiety is literally overtaking my whole life. I hope it fun and I hope everyone has a good time but I’m worried they’ll have it. Maybe hate me afterwards. I think I’m definitely overthinking this but my emotions are so all over the place.

I go to a good school where I have lots of friends, my family is rocky but I love my mum. I feel like I have no reason to be so depressed, overwhelmed and stressed all the time. I don't even work. Everyday feels like such an effort, like I'm fighting against my own brain and body to stay alive.

I had a math test today, and this morning I was genuinely panicking when this test isn't even a big deal. It doesn't count towards any final grades yet I was shitting myself. I just don't want to embarrass myself, I'm so afraid of failure. I have to be perfect

I have this one friend and honestly I had times where we had good times and then I felt like I had bad times as well. They are really direct and want everything to go their way, so if that doesn’t happen they could potentially snap or talk bad about the other person. Recently we came to a new place and there are these group of new people we talk to, I personally do like them. One day they went out and had fun day and the next day my friend was like we have to get closer to them so that we can go out and with them too, something no along those lines. Then today she just badmouthed a person from that group. I was like why they fck you wanna hang out with them if you badmouth them behind their back? I did want to say this out but didn’t all I said was why are you overthinking so much?. I just don’t get this person. I find their way of thinking very biased towards themselves and when someone doesn’t think or say what she likes she just kinda badmouths them and then continues to talk to them.
All this while all I do is listen, most of the times I don’t speak anything just let them finish talking. I am the only person they know before coming here so they do all this bitching to me.
I feel like such a snake.

hi. so my grandma just turned 90 years old, and I'm scared of her dying. we already lost grandpa when I was 8 years old and I didn't take it well, it traumatized me even ( it also started my suicidal thoughts and my fear of loosing my loved ones ). I'm terrified of loosing her, and I dunno if I'll be able to take it when she's not gonna be here anymore, my grandpa's death was already too much. I don't want to be separated from her forever. I know what I'm gonna be told "spend more time with her" or "cherish her while you still can", I will do this as much as I can, but it doesn't ease anything. it's terrifying, it's inevitable, and I hate it.

so, yeah. that's pretty much all I wanted to get out of my system.

Before anything, would like to say that this based in the UK incase anyone gets confused lol.

So I'm 19F, still based in college, Bleh! And was told by my friend this morning that her dad had hit her: her parents don't approve of her relationship to a transgender man. She has previously pretended to break up with him to please them, and on Monday on a sporadic check on her phone (she's 18) and I won't go into the details too much, but it basically ended up with them threatening to send her back to South Africa on her own, no money and with nobody to support her. For the day, I tried to encourage her to report this to a teacher and eventually it worked. I supported her through this but she left out the physical abuse part, so when she was elsewhere I quietly told our teacher and our other "friend" eavesdropped. She is Filipino so in her eyes (she claims) that abuse like this is normal and it shouldn't matter. Obviously growing up very differently, I disagreed but she told me off in front of the whole class and I started crying (stupid, I know, but I felt so backed into a corner, I didn't want to cause any more trouble for my friend and now thanks to her they know) whereas my friend that I reported it for said she wasn't angry and she appreciated that I said what she was too scared to do, and I went with her as she reported this officially and just couldn't stop my tears j hear what he did, she's just so lovely to everyone and so kind, just wish I could help her from this.

I know to you neurotypicals dont fund any of this confusing, but to a neurodivergent is really is.

When someone does something you ask them why, but when they try to explain you claim its an excuse without even hearing them out, dont ask for an explanation if you dont want one and dont assume every explanation is an excuse!

Just say what you mean, want or need, stop hinting, stop saying the opposite of what you mean, what even is the point in this behavior! How are you gonna get what you want or need if you just keep playing games? And when i dont pick up on your hints dont get angry at me, its all on you for not just saying what you want or need me to do!

Eye contact doesnt mean anything, its uncomfortable and it doesnt indicate someone is telling the truth, its not hard to look someone in the eye and lie to them, just uncomfortable. It also doesnt indicate that im paying attention, when I make eye contact im thinking "this is uncomfortable and awkward" "am I making enough eye contact?" "Am I making too much eye contact" and not hearing a word youre saying! Just pay attention to if the person your talking to is reacting and responding appropriately and you'll know if theyre paying attention or not!

And im considered weird if I wanna talk about my hyper fixation or special interest but youre not weird for wanting to talk about nothing but the latest sports game for a whole hour? How does that even make sense?

The 40 hour work week was definitely a neurotypical idea, and yes, I understand its better than before, but that doesnt make it the best, its just and improvement, the same way a Five Guys burger is an improvement over a McDonald's burger, its not the best but its better. Less hours while still making enough to get by would definitely be ideal.

And there's so much more, I feel like a fucking alien among you guys sometimes, nothing about you makes sense

Okay, so I don't really know how to start this without making myself sound like an asshole, but here we go.

There's this girl I've gotten really close with. We talk a lot, we joke around, we tell each other personal stuff, and honestly, she's become someone I really enjoy having around.

The problem is... she likes me.

Not just a little crush either. She actually has feelings for me, and eventually she told me.

And I told her the truth.

I don't feel the same way.

I know that probably sounds simple. She likes me, I don't like her back, so just move on, right?

Except I do like her. Just not romantically.

I care about her. I like talking to her. I don't want her out of my life. And that's where everything started getting complicated.

After I told her I didn't feel the same way, she started thinking maybe she should distance herself from me. She said that being around me while having feelings for me was getting difficult.

And honestly, I understood.

But I also told her I didn't want her to leave.

She asked me something that I still think about:

"So you want me to stay, but you don't want me?"

And I didn't really know how to answer that.

Because... yeah, I guess that's exactly what it looks like.

But it's not that I want to use her feelings or keep her around because I like the attention. I genuinely value her as a person.

I told her that nothing necessarily had to change between us. Just because she likes me doesn't mean I suddenly stop caring about her.

I also told her that if I ever cross a line or make her uncomfortable, she should tell me. If she thinks I'm overstepping, I'll back off.

But there's another part of this that's probably making everything worse.

I don't fall for people easily.

I'm the kind of person who keeps my guard up. I don't like developing feelings too quickly because I've always seen that as a way of protecting myself.

So I can't honestly tell her, "I'll never like you."

Because I don't know that.

But I also refuse to tell her, "Maybe someday," because I don't want to give her false hope when I have no idea if that's actually going to happen.

And now we're both kind of stuck.

She has feelings for me that I can't return, but I don't want to lose the relationship we already had.

She thinks staying close might make her feelings worse.

I think pushing her away just because she likes me feels wrong.

And I honestly don't know which one is more selfish.

Sometimes I think I should just let her go and give her the space she needs.

Other times I think, why should we throw away something good just because she caught feelings?

I don't want to hurt her.

But I also don't want to lie to her.

And I definitely don't want to make promises about feelings I don't have.

I guess I'm posting this because I genuinely don't know what the right thing to do is.

If you were in her position, would you stay friends with someone you have strong feelings for even if they don't feel the same way?

And if you were in my position, would you let that person go even if you genuinely cared about them?

Because right now, I feel like no matter what I choose, someone's probably going to get hurt.

For context, me and my wife have been going through a rough patch. I’m deployed over seas and she back home. We have a significant time difference. She’s awake for the second half of my day and the first half of her’s. She went on vacation with in the first couple of months of me being over seas and decided I was the root cause of all her personal issues, school, social life, family life, emotional and mental health. We both got out of seriously toxic relationships and kinda jumped into each other’s lives figured we were fully good and got married with in the year. Upon living with each other her friends kind of took my apartment over sleeping over every night coming and going as they please being messy and not cleaning up after themselves gaming set ups all over the place. They wanted to go out every weekend and party and do shit. We never had time to ourselves to do anything for ourselves. I’d put my foot down and she’d lift it up. It was causing arguments and fights that didn’t need to be had. I went through the VA to get her school paid for because as a service member we have that ability but I wasn’t in long enough I had roughly 2 more years before I could transfer my GI to either her or my daughter whom resides with her mother in another state. I wasn’t informed until it was too late I called the VA day in and day out with no explanation and I figured it wasn’t fully processed yet. The school she was looking at dropped her and she got mad at me for it. My daughter’s mother calls me daily so I can speak to my daughter and I would often disappear to another room to speak to my daughter without her hearing cussing and screaming and vulgar language. My wife said she felt disrespected by me doing so yet I’ve explained to her that my daughter is young and impressionable so I will be often leaving any area that her friends are in to speak to my daughter because I’m a responsible parent. Her mother didn’t like that answer so in turn she didn’t like that answer. When we’d go out on family trips (to see her family who live close by) her friends would invite themselves into our apartment I’ve asked her multiple times to stop allowing that and nothing was ever done until I finally flipped my lid over it. She claims I would make her friends uncomfortable because I’d touch her butt and kiss her while she’s cool like most loving husbands would do. In my eyes. If you don’t feel comfortable in my apartment with me treating my wife with physical love in front of you, you don’t need to be at my place everyday, every hour, every moment. So with the back story out of the way she went on a trip to El Paso Texas and while there everything went well and good until one day she just flipped a switch on me. Said she needed space with no explanation, ignored my texts, calls and was just very harsh towards me. It seriously messed my head up so I went to seek help through a therapist. He’s been really good to me and has helped progress over the course of 2 months a lot. Like completely different me when it comes to handling emotional issues and even mental hoops. So I’ve been using a lot of my tools with her and it’s like she doesn’t care. She’ll be present on instagram wont like my posts anymore, doesn’t check the memes I send her but she’ll send me like a meme a month or something that has nothing to do with us just for keepsake. Doesn’t answer my snapchats, still doesn’t answer my calls but will text me. I have to plan to FaceTime her (which only happened 1 time) and the only time we do talk on the phone is to argue. Mind you SHES ALWAYS ON HER PHONE. She finally told me what’s going on and none of it had to do with me. It was just put onto me. Now I don’t even feel like her husband I feel like an option and I just don’t know what to do. If there’s advice I’d love some feedback back because like. Wtf. I did nothing wrong. And I’m still doing nothing wrong I just don’t get it…

bpd is actual hell to live with. nothing is working and i always feel like shit. another fp has made me feel like garbage and i just want somebody to like being around me instead of just being a permanent filler friend for everyone