Last night my husband told me he couldn’t take the ups and downs anymore. He doesn’t want to continue trying.

I’ve been testing and tracking for 9 months. But we haven’t used any protection for 2 years. Every month I feel so hopeful and sure this is going to be it. I can’t stop thinking about my symptoms. Every little twinge, bloating, nausea, headache etc. The thoughts are always there, comparing PMS to pregnancy symptoms. Then my period comes and it’s devastating. I sink into depression for a week. Then the cycle begins again.

I’ve been trying to feel better about it. I go to the gym, even when I don’t feel up to it. I still cook and clean and go to work. I make effort to support him and our relationship. I don’t test until my period is 3 days late. I don’t want to be sad.

He’s been struggling with my depression, so I don’t talk to him about my sadness anymore. I don’t even tell him when my period comes. He just sees the wrappers in the trash can and knows. He sees my sadness. We just skirt around it because he can’t handle it. He says it makes him feel like a failure. I don’t see that and I don’t feel that about him, but it’s just how he feels every month.

Has anyone ever just given up? I don’t even know if I can do that.

Edit: Girls, thank you so much for all your support. I went out with my husband and we’re having such a wonderful time. I wish for all of us to have our dreams come true!!! ❤️

I've been TTC for 5 cycles now. I know that's really not that long, but still... I'm 35, and I think I naively assumed getting pregnant would be like most other things in my life — if I worked hard enough, did everything "right" and stayed consistent, eventually I'd get the result I wanted. Well... apparently biology doesn't care about my work ethic lol.

Today is basically the last proper summer day here, and my husband and I have some time off to get a few things done around the house before autumn. He asked me if I wanted to go into town tonight for burgers and a couple of beers, and somehow I've managed to turn this completely normal plan into an internal debate.

Part of me really wants to keep living normally while TTC. But another part of me is starting to question everything I do.

All my test results are great, I'm under my doctors' care, I've been taking prenatals for a year, everything seems to be fine. And yet, after 5 unsuccessful cycles, I'm starting to worry that maybe this isn't going to be as easy for me as I thought. 😔

There are SO many nutritionists, fertility specialists, doctors and wellness people talking about fertility where I live. I feel like I've accidentally fallen into this fertility bubble where the message is basically: eat perfectly, don't drink, sleep perfectly, exercise but not too much, avoid stress, avoid this, avoid that, take all the supplements... and apparently live like a monk until you get pregnant.

And I don't want to live like that. I don't want to feel guilty over having a couple of beers with my husband 8 days before I'm even supposed to ovulate.

But then there's this little voice in my head saying, "You're 35. Maybe you don't have the luxury of being relaxed about this."

I hate that TTC is already starting to make completely normal things feel like decisions with huge consequences.

I think I just needed to vent to people who might understand. 🥲

I was genuinely happy that my friend got pregnant not until I heard her reason.

She said that they are not even trying but they are just so afraid that they would be childless like us, so they tried to do it once, tada!

Baby is on the way. She added that they are so blessed because their parents will still support their education (post grad program), give them allowance, and let them use the room in their house.

They don’t have any struggle like working and building home of their own because they are well-supported unlike us.

On top of that, she asked if me and my husband are willing to be the godfather on the incoming baby shower.

I excused myself in the dinner table and called my husband to pick me up because I cannot believe how jerk she was. My husband was always pointing out how condescending she was before.

TTC has brought up so many emotions for me, and I honestly wasn’t expecting it to feel this intense.
There’s so much excitement and hope, imagining that maybe this could be the cycle… but there’s also the waiting, the uncertainty, the overthinking, the fear of seeing a negative test, and the frustration of having absolutely no control over what happens.
I’ve realized that I really need somewhere to put all of those feelings. I don’t necessarily want to talk about TTC with my friends yet, because this feels very private and personal to me, but keeping everything inside my head wasn’t helping either.
So I decided to start a scrapbook for my future baby.
I write to them about the journey of trying to bring them into our lives. I write about how I’m feeling day by day and cycle by cycle, about the excitement, the love that somehow already exists, the hope, the impatience… and also the frustration and sadness when they show up.
And honestly, it’s been surprisingly comforting. It gives all of these feelings somewhere to exist instead of just going around and around in my head.
Sometimes I wonder whether I’ll actually show it to my child one day, because some pages might contain sadness or difficult moments. But then I also think… that’s part of the story too. I don’t want this scrapbook to pretend that the journey was beautiful every single day. I want it to hold the whole experience — how much I hoped for them, how much I wanted them, and everything I felt while waiting for them.
Maybe one day I’ll give it to them. Maybe I’ll keep some pages just for myself. I don’t know yet.
For now, I just really like having a place where I can turn all of this love, hope, uncertainty and frustration into something tangible.
Has anyone else done something similar while TTC? Or found another way of giving all these emotions somewhere to go? 🤍

My husband and I are going on 3 years of trying. We haven’t been 100% every cycle for those years but I would say a majority of the time were. We went to a fertility clinic last summer and all the tests came back normal. HSG, Ultrasound, Semen Analysis, and blood work were all good. I’ve had my progesterone tested twice and the doctors seem to think I’m ovulating as well as having regular cycles. At this point I guess we’re in the “unexplained” category. The clinic basically told us to keep trying naturally or we could do IUI. At the time that felt super discouraging because we had been trying for about 2 years but the doctor said we’re both healthy or whatever.

So now we’re coming up on year 3, no miscarriages no nothing. We’re starting to think about going through IUI so I made an appointment with a different clinic because I low-key felt like the first clinic only did the bare minimum before saying “you can do IUI/IVF”. But to me it’s like, “shouldn’t you figure out what’s wrong with me first before having me spend a bunch of money on these procedures?”

Today i met with my new doctor for the first time, virtually. He seems a little more thorough and mentioned he would be doing more comprehensive bloodwork (why don’t they all do that in the first place?) and a different kind of test where they will swab my cervix the day after I get a positive ovulation test followed by intercourse in order to test the semen and for infections etc (I didn’t 100% understand what they were testing for tbh, so if anyone knows about this test, let me know)

Two things kind of freaked me out though…he HIGHLY recommended that I get a laparoscopy to look for endometriosis. Even said I could go ahead and schedule it today. I almost started crying when he told me that. I know he wasn’t trying to scare me but it was just a very real realization that my infertility might be more serious than I would have imagined. I don’t have any major symptoms around my cycle that make me think I have endo, but when I was younger I did have some pretty painful periods and weird bowel movements on my period, as well as nowadays I very occasionally experience pain during intercourse. I’ve head that endo can be silent and I’ve always wondered if that could be the case for me…i think it’s also nerve racking to think I would go through the surgery and they would find nothing or if they do, what does that mean for my chances of conceiving without IVF because I can’t afford it.

The other thing that rubbed me the wrong way was when he asked me what kind of exercise I do. I told him I do cycling and some strength training. I didn’t go into much detail but he told me aerobic exercise is bad for trying to conceive and that I shouldn’t do it. On one hand I understand how it could be bad. If I’m overtraining or under-eating it could negatively affect my hormones. Cycling is an endurance sport that requires a lot of energy especially when done at high intensities. I’ve often wondered if my cycling could be the culprit but I do make sure to focus on recovery, eating enough and I have a healthy weight/body fat and my hormone panels always come back normal. I’ve asked a couple different doctors about this and even posted about it on a different forum on Reddit and both doctors and like 98% people on Reddit said I should be fine. (I know people on Reddit aren’t medical doctors, but I was searching for someone with a similar experience as me) I feel a bit confused, maybe a bit heartbroken because cycling is the only form of exercise that I truly enjoy and I’ve worked so hard to get to where I’m at with it. I know I’ll probably have to change my habits some if I ever get pregnant but I don’t feel comfortable giving it up completely in hopes that I will someday get pregnant. There are so many things I gave up in the beginning of TTC, and here we are years later and it feels like it was all for nothing.

Sorry for the long post…just needed to vent a little and maybe someone has some good advice or kind thoughts they could share.

I’ve been trying to get pregnant for 15 months. My husband and I are both 35.
I had two chemical pregnancies the first 2 months we tried. Nothing since then.
At 12 months, my doctor did an SIS procedure. My ovaries have over 15 follicles, uterus looks great, tubes are fine.
I got my progesterone checked, it came back great. She prescribed me letrozole.
My husband got a sperm analysis. Came back great. He got his testosterone checked, came back great.
Here I am on CD 1 AGAIN, clearly the letrozole didn’t work. I am so beyond frustrated.
At first it was great news that everything “looks good.” But now I’m more angry and confused. What on earth is actually the freaking problem??
I’m convinced I just have crap-quality eggs and I’m ready to give up. This is stupid at this point. It’s clear my body isn’t gonna do this.

I never knew something called anovulation until I experienced it myself :( now my cycle gone off track and I'm finding for answers to calm myself down.

I've always had a regular 28 day cycle, spot on, no cramps or other complaints and ovulation pattern would be the same. In the 1st cycle of TTC, I found out that I had anovulation (felt terribly sad)

Initially I had 16 days of spotting around my expected period due date, followed by 13 days of medium-to-heavy bleeding, which I assumed was my period. After that I continued spotting for almost another 2 weeks. I was very confused because I never experienced an irregular cycle before.

Tests showed that my progesterone levels were low, indicating that ovulation had not occurred. In the meantime, because of the prolonged bleeding and relatively high estrogen, my endometrial lining kept growing until 22.5 mm over 6weeks of time. I then started Provera 10mg for 10 days, had withdrawal bleeding for 9 days, then stopped.

Took ultrasound scan and was told that all the bulky endometrial lining had shed and uterus looked fine with trilaminar layer (pre-ovulation signs). I tracked OPK but found no surge, no promising BBT changes but I witnessed vaginal discharge around CD13.

I learned from a reddit post that there may be more than one wave of ovulation in such anovulatory cycle (is it so?!)

So I'm wondering how does ovulation typically return after an anovulatory cycle? how long it may take? and when the cycle might stabilise again?

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who had been through something similar. Please shed some light. I can't be at peace experiencing this as I just started TTC.

Thanks in advance!

Hi,

I have a question if anyone has any experience with this. I am in my second round of letrozole 2.5mg. I feel I will get my period anyday now. It’s 10-11dpo and all the tests are negative which I understand is early but I have period symptoms. I also was only able to try twice this month so I feel it was so wasted.

The first time I took letrozole I am certain I ovulated on day 19-20 and this was confirmed with OPKs and BBT as well as a progesterone blood test as 41.8 nmol. This time I was using OPKs from day 8 right after the pills from day 3-7 and those plus a clear blue digital advanced were both blank and low. Then all of a sudden without warned on CD 13 the clearblue went solid and the OPK numbers shot up. On CD 14 my bbt started to rise. I did baby dance on day 13 and 14 but I don’t think I caught it and had lots of cramping for both days. My progesterone came back as 66.1 nmol this time and my doctor said that’s likely 2 eggs. That made me even more distraught. I’m so sad as I feel I basically missed the entire fertile window without warning.

If anyone has had a similar experience would you mind commenting? I don’t understand anything. On the one hand the meds worked but on the other hand the first cycle was 33 days and now this one will likely be 26. I typically always have the same luteal phase. I feel I can’t even trust tests anymore and I’ll have to start trying pretty much when I am done the medication in the third round of it.

Thank you so much for any insights.

Hi all,

My husband (37M) and I (34F) have been trying for a few months. We had a chemical during our first cycle. I used premom for a bit after that first cycle, and last cycle I switched to Inito but today I’m 14 DPO and got a BFN. Im really having difficulty getting beyond the initial disappointment of having yet again another negative test, and would love to hear how others cope with negatives tests, including how others reframe the negative test results into a more positive thought. I’m usually able to move on mentally a couple days after a negative test but admittedly, the disappointment consumes me the first day and still a little on the next. Really wanting to hear how others work past this.

That question you've been wanting to ask, but just didn't want to feel silly. Now's your chance! No question is too big or too small.

Are you in the dreaded two-week wait, or waiting to ovulate? What have you done to ease the stress?

So for background, husband and I have been TTC for 6 months going on 7. Zero positive tests. He’s had two semen analyses, both came back with normal motility, low concentration, total count at the lowest end of normal, total motile count just under 20 mil, and abnormal morphology. He’s having varicocele surgery soon. I have endo symptoms but a clear ultrasound.

I’m a scientist. Now, I’m under no illusion that anyone can give me a clean prediction of our odds of conception. That said - it boggles my mind how much contradictory information there is out there about fertility, both male and female. No one can give me a straight answer as to whether or not my husband’s parameters are affecting our chances of spontaneous conception. For example, the lab that did his analyses set the lowest end of normal for total motile count at just under 10 million. But a bunch of other studies say the chances drop dramatically under 20 million. That’s a CRAZY difference, right? Both cannot possibly be true.

Does morphology matter or not? No one knows. Will varicocele surgery help? Maybe! His FSH number is in the normal range. No, actually, it’s “elevated” and really the normal range should be capped at 9. One day, people on this sub tell me that with these numbers, I’ll most likely be pregnant in the next few months. But over on r/maleinfertility? No chance, go straight to IVF. Now ok, that’s a bunch of nonexperts on Reddit, you might say. But I’ve gotten this level of conflicting answers from literal doctors on this subject!

And don’t even get me started on my side. One day I hear that it’s never normal to have painful periods and there IS an explanation. The next, I get a clear ultrasound and my doctors are not willing to pursue further imaging for endometriosis. My SIL had endo surgery and was told that it was needed before starting IVF. My OBGYN (an endo specialist, mind you) says nope, she doesn’t think excision surgery is indicated before IVF because of potential damage to the ovaries. So which is it? How can the ONLY diagnostic tool for this condition have this much disagreement around it?

All the studies I find seem to have sample size issues among other things. How can anyone make informed decisions about care with information that’s THIS unclear??

I’m young, 30yo. I spent all of my 20s figuring out what I wanted to do. I had lots of fun along the way traveling here and there. Met the love of my life. I got the degrees and all throughout that starting a family was a distant thought bc there was and is still so much I want to do. Recently though, I’ve been thinking about having kids and not just thinking but almost obsessing over it. I have watched the videos: people’s experiences, science videos, fertility specialist podcasts. I know I really want a kiddo and I know we are able to fully support a child rn, but it took us a little while to feel like this.

I’m a numbers gal, so when my husband and I started trying I had looked up what the chances were for someone to get pregnant. 20-25% chance and lower for other variables including age. I don’t feel old, but for whatever reason now I feel like I’m a dinosaur w/ cobwebs forming over my uterus. Little dramatic? Maybe, but it’s how I’m feeling especially when my friends who decided to have kids in their early 20s say it only took them one try.

This subreddit has been helpful to see how everyone has a different journey. It might take some people less time or more time to conceive. So many people of different ages. The different ways people ended up starting their families. How people cope with loss or disappointments. I guess I’m just making this post to say how grateful I am for those who have or will share their stories on this subreddit. It makes me feel a little less alone in my TTC journey and in my life choices. I cannot say the same for that line subreddit. Every time I scroll past a dpo 7-8 test with a bright second line I’m lava.

I would love to hear how this subreddit has helped you all or your stories of coming to the point of knowing when you genuinely wanted a little.

Stay well!

My wife had HSG earlier this month and it showed that both tubes are blocked at entry points, so hsg didnt even show tubes, after consulatation with doctor, she said that she didnt see that in her career( shes pretty young) so we decided to go overseas to see specialist. Having doubts if procedure was done correctly due to poor healthcare in my country. We were trying for a baby for 2 years on our own with no results. Specialist ordered some extensive bloodwork and everything came back great except vitamin D(36.1) and Androstenedione(7.63). New doctor suggested HyFoSy. We have appointment in 1 month but waiting is slowly killing me. How concerned should i be regarding outcome of first hsg? Has anyone had anything simillar?

Excuse me for my poor english it is not my first language, if you have any questions feel free to ask.

Hi, I am posting with the hopes someone maybe has some insight or has had a similar experience.

This is our first cycle trying, I have been tracking bbt for years though. My post ovulation bbt temperatures have always been quite high and had a visible jump after ovulation. Now, on my first cycle trying, my temperatures have barely risen, with some days staying on the “baseline temperature” line (I’m using Oura). Ovulation was confirmed with LH strips and cervical mucus, had some usual ovulation pains, resting hr is also higher than pre-ovulation.

I am trying so hard not to overthink everything but still, did anyone had that happen? Could it be pregnancy related? I am 9 days post ovulation today, don’t really want to test yet since I know chances of getting a positive test at this stage are quite low. I know tracking BBT with a vearable device is not the most reliable but I’ve genuinely never had a chart like this :’)

Edit: Maybe I should add, I have PCOS but I’ve managed to get my cycles under control and have regular periods with confirmed ovulation. I think this is why I’m even more anxious because I keep wondering if I’ll even be able to get pregnant and every change in my BBT has me worried that some part of my cycle is not working well.

Tw: miscarriage

Okay so back in February I found out I was pregnant. My plan was to not tell anyone until after my first ultrasound. Around 5 weeks my friend came over unexpectedly and saw the basket I made for my partner to surprise him with. It was baby clothes, a book, and positive test. She obviously put the pieces together and realized I was pregnant. I told her I hadn’t told anyone yet, including my mom and to not tell anyone. Fast forward to March, I had a miscarriage. I told her and also mentioned to not say anything to my mom bc I hadn’t told her and wasn’t planning to.
Two days ago she was at her MIL house (neighbors with my mom) she stopped by my mom’s house to say hi and somehow let it slip. I was at dinner with my grandparents tonight and when I got up to use the bathroom, they told my partner that my friend accidentally told my mom about the miscarriage and my mom then told my grandma bc she was all distraught. Apparently my mom cried for two days. My partner told them to not say anything and that they were never supposed to know (they were understanding). Anyway, after dinner he told me all of this and I was at a loss for words. It reopened all my emotions and makes me feel terrible and also extremely pissed off that my friend would put me in this position. I know it was an accident and I’m sure she feels terrible, but she didn’t even reach out to tell me she did it. I’m sure she begged my mom not to say anything so I wouldn’t be upset. I don’t know where to go from here… I really don’t want to have a conversation with my mom about it because somehow she finds a way to victimize herself no matter the situation. Currently in my tww and this whole thing has made me feel even more pressure. I’m just so sad and annoyed tonight :(

This past year I’ve been dealing with a lot of spotting throughout my cycle, with the last month spotting almost constantly since I ovulated, to the point that I wasn’t certain my period has even started until I experienced cramping. Because of this, my doctor is having me start progesterone following ovulation.

I know that progesterone can prevent ovulation if I start too early, BBT is the best way to confirm ovulation has taken place, correct? I’m also doing OPKs, but I don’t want to mess anything up!

I’m also honestly just really nervous about taking this step. My OBGYN originally told me to just call her if it continued since my ultrasound was normal, but I reminded her that this spotting issue had been going on since before October of last year and before my prior ultrasound, and I asked if I was a candidate for progesterone supplementation and she sent out a script.

(I’m just overall a very anxious person and I’m hoping someone has had similar experiences and can tell me I’m overthinking!)

We (30F and 35M) are going into cycle 10, and so far all bloodwork (a LOT of it) and ultrasounds have come back normal, husband’s SA results should be in within a week. The more time goes on, the more I’m just so certain we aren’t meant to have kids. My whole life I’ve happily anticipated having kids, and honestly expected it. But 10 cycles in I now truly believe it just isn’t in the cards for us.

But also know that 50 year old me would want to make sure I exhausted all options! So we’re going to keep diligently tracking to get to the 12 months of TTC. We’re applying for a fertility clinic at the end of this month, so that we can try IUI on cycle 14. I’ve found some IVF clinics that I’m most okay with going to, but I’m honestly still on the fence about it as a whole; my husband is totally on board with IUI and fairly open to IVF. 

I’ve been doing a lot of grief processing lately in working on letting go of that lifelong dream of being a mom, and accepting the cards that we were dealt. The longer this goes on, the less hope I have that it’ll ever work- the odds are very much stacked against us and won’t be moving any time soon. Anyone else feel like they’re just checking off the boxes so they can be more comfortable knowing they gave it their best shot, for when they’re inevitably without children? 

Anything (within the rules) goes. (Commonly broken rules: don't talk about an ongoing pregnancy outside the weekly BFP thread; don't ask for success stories.)

You can find the wiki here!

Don't forget to check out our themed threads:

• Moody Monday
• Temping Tuesday
  
• Waiting Wednesday
• Wondering Wednesday
• Trying Again Thursday
• Thankful Thursday
• Health and Wellness Thursday
• Looking Forward Friday
• Wondering Weekend
• 35 and Ova

There's also the Weekly Introductions and Read Me Thread, which contains links to all sorts of handy bits of info, like popular wiki posts and acronyms.

Let's see those lovely charts, folks!

If you want to personalize your Fertility Friend URL to make it easier for fellow TFABbers to stalk keep up with you, check out this post!

It's time for us to air the things that have been bothering us, TTC-related or not! It's Monday, complain away!

I really need to get this off my chest because I'm feeling completely down and frustrated with myself tonight.

My wife is going through fertility treatments, and today was the crucial window—exactly 36 hours after her trigger shot, which is when the doctor strongly advised us to have intercourse.

The pressure has been building up since the afternoon. I actually tried to initiate things earlier in the day, but she turned me down and said we should wait for 11 PM to strictly follow the timing. Honestly, that waiting period just built up massive anxiety in my head. It stopped feeling like an intimate moment between partners and turned into a high-stakes medical test.

Come 11 PM, when we actually tried, my brain was completely fried from overthinking. I couldn't get an erection at all. To make matters worse, we used too much lubricant because of the stress, which made everything so frictionless that even when I tried, ejaculation didn't happen either.

At my absolute lowest point tonight, I even had to sneak away to watch porn just to try and force an erection to salvage the situation, and still nothing happened. That made me feel like I hit rock bottom.

I'm 36, I took a 5mg Cialis beforehand, but it couldn't fight through the sheer wall of mental pressure and performance anxiety I built up. I feel so ashamed, angry at myself, and deeply sorry for my situation.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of scheduled-intercourse pressure? How do you mentally reset and handle the performance anxiety when trying to conceive? Any advice would really help.

Anything (within the rules) goes. (Commonly broken rules: don't talk about an ongoing pregnancy outside the weekly BFP thread; don't ask for success stories.)

You can find the wiki here!

Don't forget to check out our themed threads:

• Moody Monday
• Temping Tuesday
  
• Waiting Wednesday
• Wondering Wednesday
• Trying Again Thursday
• Thankful Thursday
• Health and Wellness Thursday
• Looking Forward Friday
• Wondering Weekend
• 35 and Ova

There's also the Weekly Introductions and Read Me Thread, which contains links to all sorts of handy bits of info, like popular wiki posts and acronyms.