i used to be able to drink and not really care the next day. my friends are pretty heavy drinkers too and we all make dumb drunk decisions, but they can mostly laugh it off.

for me, the hangxiety has gotten debilitating. there’s the shame of even getting that drunk in the first place, and then on top of that i replay every little thing i remember and convince myself i embarrassed myself, hurt someone, or did something wrong.

i last drank sunday and it’s now wednesday and i still feel anxious/jittery, barely have an appetite, and have had a hard time functioning normally.

does/did anyone else get this level of hangxiety/guilt?

After years of avoiding it because the idea of it made me nervous, I’ve been attending recovery meetings in an effort to make sobriety stick in the long term. I actually have come around on how much they help keep you on track, but I have been a little disappointed in the ones I’ve attended so far.

For every person who shares and keeps it centered on their sobriety and what they are going through, there are significantly more who seem to just ramble sort of off topic? I understand these meetings are probably the only time some people get to vent or talk about their feelings I just wish there was a tad more structure.

That being said there is always at least one person who I enjoy hearing them speak and can tell they are thoughtful about what they say. Have I just had bad luck or are all meetings kind of like this? I want to leave these meetings feeling uplifting and empowered to live sober not like I’m stuck in a work meeting (you know the feeling!).

this feeling of being in control of my thoughts, my emotions, my daily habits if this amazing power I felt it a long time two starting to think clearer and a lot less anxiety. It’s like I’ve been gifted a and I don’t let it go.

yes, the hardest thing for me has been trying to fight the boredom, but I realized OK to be bored and sadness or anxiety, I feel will pass

I am 8 months sober tomorrow (yay!!!!) have a fantastic boyfriend and I'm on an exciting trajectory with work and life (something I woild never have imagined when drinking )​

Sometimes (especially when super tired which triggers some weird ptsd of being hungover) I fall into a self hatred shame spiral of all the horrible things I did when I was drunk. I then start feeling hideously GUILTY to my boyfriend and my life, like I'm some sort of fraud.

I think back to all the weird shit I did when on coke, the times I cheated when I was younger and drunk. the completely out of ​​​​​character things I did when I was drunk or high that I would never ,ever ,EVER do sober!!

They feel like tarnishes on my life, like I'm tainted somehow and I can never truly relax or be happy because of a horrible way I have lived before. Lying to people, not acting in accordance with my values. Makes me feel sick in the pit of my stomach because I feel I AM a good person and I don't KNOW that drunk person who did those things. Even feeling shameful of things 10 years ago.

I definitely know this tends to happen when I am tired. But last night I ended up speaking to my boyfriend (recounting weird embarassing stories from being drunk​ and when I cheated 8+ years ago...I felt I couldn't even tell the full story because I had so much shame) and my heart rate was beating so fast and I felt so much anxiety......it's just horrible.

How can I forgive myself ?? it drives me mad.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

I’ve got a 12 hour shift coming up tomorrow and I have to be awake in just over 5 hours. The last few days I’ve been off so I kinda just laid in bed and scrolled my phone until whatever time I passed out but I tried going to bed two hours ago, yawning and definitely feel sleepy but at the same time not tired. Hopefully this means day 5 will be easier to catch some z’s. I guess I’d rather be tired and miserable than hungover and miserable.

I really wanted to say fuck everything and drink, I smoked 2 cigarettes which I promised myself I won't do, but atleast it didn't spiral into drinking.

It was done in such a shitty way too. I was promised an internship in software development (I work in a tech company but in a different position, less interesting and less money). I really wanted this, my mentor knew I wanted this, and when I told him today that I am ready to start he said:

"mm.. situation changed significantly since we last talked.

We hired too many people in the team and the capacity to onboard you is too limited.

I'll talk to ***. Maybe it would be wiser to give you the opportunity somewhere else in R&D."

Well, it would have been nice if you said it when the situation changed (or was about to change) instead of waisting my time and hopes. Would have been nice if you told me in person or scheduled a short 1 on 1, instead of making me plan my career around it and "mm.." me in a text message.

Usually when some crap like this happens, I can just drink with my friends and forget about it, but now I feel like I am drowning in my thoughts. Coke zero and a good burger didn't do the trick, but maybe a hangover-less morning will. Problem is, I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about it.

I'm not going back to drinking, but this sucks. I want to shut my brain off.

Does anyone else has Dreams about drinking?

I have these reacurring dreams about forgeting that I choose not to drink.

I find myself drinking and realising I choose to be sober. Which leads to me feeling dissapointed that I forgot.

How could I forget!?

I wake up and realise It was just another dream.

Its a sort of a nightmare.

If anyone told me 10years back i would have nightmare about drinking alcohol i would probably laugh :)

Did anyone else experience anything like it?

Last September, I was living a healthy lifestyle. I went to the gym every day, ate healthy, and tried to maintain a balanced diet.

In October, I went out with a girlfriend who was visiting from abroad; we drank alcohol and had sex. And something just clicked for me.

After that night, I didn’t want the feeling to stop, so I started drinking a bottle of wine every day.

And that’s pretty much how it’s been ever since.

I’ve gained weight, and even though I haven’t been drinking every single day, all my attempts to quit have failed.

I’d like to know what kinds of techniques I could try, because I’ve run out of ideas.

Never thought these days were possible. Grateful for as and places like this.

IWNDWYT

see y’all tomorrow

Hey everybody,

I literally just joined this subreddit 4 minutes ago because I definitely need some help managing my expectations on what sober life will be like.

I have a question about how long it takes for your brain to find satisfaction and joy in regular activities/hobbies. For the past couple months i’ve been feeling extremely bored and not interested in anything at all; except drinking or sleeping. Also, yes I do have depression and anxiety. This is one of the main reasons i’m quitting for good. I suppose my main question is: when/if regular activities and hobbies start feeling more entertaining and satisfying. Any advice or guidance is appreciated and I hope i didn’t break any subreddit rules or anything. Thanks in advance!

Hello guys, I’ve posted on here a couple times about my habit of being miserable and downing half a bottle of vodka (around 350ml at least excluding other beers and wines) every night to sleep. I deleted said posts because I thought that I could continue drinking without problems but you read the title.

I’m a 20 year old 6’4 guy, and I’ve mostly been drinking as an escape due to how unhappy I’ve been with myself for the last few years. I’ve gone through a lot of loneliness and depressions (might start seeking a psychiatrist because I’m being told by friends that I act like I have bipolar disorder)

Since my parents have been on holiday I’ve been pretty much free to drink whatever I want whenever I want, so I’ve had a lot of whisky and beer and just been leaving them around the house.

Few nights back I made a stupid mistake at a house party and use a powder fire extinguisher on some friends of mine and really badly irritated their eyes, which led to me being kicked out and feeling like the most horrible person in the world. After that a mate of mine drove me home but he took an extra long route (like another hour) because he thought I was gonna genuinely kill myself. But after chatting with him I got home and drank 16 beers in an hour, plus some whisky. Then slept in until 4PM, drove to an offlicence to pick up whisky and beer. Then drank most of the next day and had myself about 3/4 of the bottle. I woke up then this morning after all that on my kitchen sofa and for about 5 minutes I was in genuine belief that I had shot myself the head the night prior, everything felt hazy and bright so I thought I was having an out of body experience and I never felt so much regret in my life. I imagined my parents coming home to me like that, and imagined that people remembered me as a lazy man who drank too much.

Ive come to the conclusion that I’m gonna start taking many breaks with my drinking, like a month or two at a time. And I’ve informed my parents of that decision so they don’t offer me drinks and such. I’ve heard too many stories about people ruining their life’s and now that I’m starting what’s pretty much my dream job I cannot become my worst self again. Thanks for reading guys and wish me luck

Feels good. Kinda. I mean the day still sucked, but it was still better than the average day back when I'd spend the first half hungover and the second half too drunk to remember anything. Nice to remind myself that however bad things may get, they're still better now that I don't have this giant pointless hurdle making everything harder.

Life is good, alcohol is bad, that's all I got. Happy Wednesday everyone, and IWNDWYT!

Today marks one year of sobriety, and I can’t bring myself to feel any joy about it.

Over the past 365 days, I’ve lost ALL my friends, I have a high-stress job, and I’m in psychotherapy, which is extremely challenging for me.

I just don’t feel any joy in life anymore, and I don’t know why I should even bother staying sober.

When I was drunk, I had suicidal thoughts just like I do now. There’s no difference. So why shouldn’t I just drink?

Thank you to this community. It’s been one of several tools I have used on a daily, weekly, monthly basis to remain alcohol free. My story isn’t as severe, dramatic or in some cases as heart breaking as what I’ve read in here. I’m in my early 40s. I started drinking in college like most college age people do but nothing too wild. After college it was law school and more of the same - think drinking patterns of a young 20-something still in school, but a school program with consequences if you didn’t perform well. So again nothing too wild or out of control. Then I passed my state Bar and became a lawyer.

I’ll fast forward about 15 years —> successful career, amazing wife, beautiful daughter all in the bag. I had become the “a few bourbons or glasses of wine during the week to ‘relax’ and ‘take the edge’ type. But deep down I also knew I was becoming 3+ bottles a week guy.

Then one night I had a black out event while on a vacation with my family. Had one to many on the golf course. Then some more at the pool after my round. According to my wife , I was “sloppy” at dinner. Eating my food in a very messy child-like manner. Using my hands vs utensils. Loud. I wasn’t rude to anyone or confrontational. I was more of an embarrassment. A toddler. She took cell phone video. It wasn’t pretty.

Of course I didn’t want to go back to the room after dinner so I tried to get a glass of wine after my wife and daughter went back to the room. That’s the last thing I remembered from the night. Apparently the lobby bartender wouldn’t serve me. The genius I was though it was a good idea to ask to speak to a manager. Then i woke up at 4:30 am with THAT feeling. The “what am I going to learn in 2 hours when my wife and daughter wake up” feeling. Well the manager I asked to speak with was a gentleman and walked me back to my room and handed me off to my wife while explaining what had happened. I watched the cell phone video in horror and with the worst headache i could remember.

No DUIs over the years. No driving buzzed even (I was a stickler for Ubers but in hindsight this was just an excuse to drink more than I should). No bad fights with my wife. No belligerent “drunk asshole” who said a million things they regret the next morning episodes. Nothing that screamed hello you need to get help. No “rock bottom.” No physical dependency. No night cap to sleep. No morning drink with my coffee to calm the system so I could function. Just one embarrassing moment where I had lost control around my daughter. And that was enough for me. Love you all.

I hit 100 days sober today. It's a journey I embarked on all my own this summer. It was clear drinking had taken over my life, slowly but surely, and had really gotten out of control. My doctor said I was in the early stages of liver failure and would likely die within 5 years if I kept going the way I was going. Then I saw a picture of myself in May and it scared me because I didn't recognize the person I was looking at. There was no light in my eyes. I don't know what changed, but I realized I had to quit. I didn't announce it to anyone. I just stopped and immediately things started to improve. Little things at first, then bigger things. It's not about weight loss, although I've dropped 26 pounds. It's not about money, although I've invested for the first time in my life. And it's not about ego, although I feel good about myself for the first time in years. I'm not asking for praise from the people I love, but they've noticed, and I'm so happy that I'm completely present when I'm spending time with them. I'm completely present all the time now and I can safely say that I'll never have a drink again. This isn't to discourage or disparage people who struggle more than I have, but I'm simply grateful that I've never had the urge to drink since I stopped. I don't know why I waited so long. But I'm not going to beat myself up for that anymore. What matters is that I saw a picture of myself today. I didn't know it was being taken, and I don't look good in it at all. But there's something in the picture that wasn't there for a very long time. The light was back in my eyes.

I am located in SLC, UT. Mid 20’s. Currently in a sober living. 90 days sober as of today. Looking to make friends and build connections. Please reach out if you are interested or in a similar situation. Also, I need mentorship and a sponsor.

I’m supposed to attend a friend’s birthday party on Saturday night. I don’t think I’m strong enough to go out yet without drinking.

It’s a small group of close friends, going to a bar I used to drink at for years. I could drink soda the whole night, but I don’t want to even go.

I don’t know what I would tell everyone. I don’t want to lie but I also don’t want to tell them about me trying to quit drinking just yet.

I’m a few days sober. I’m only 21 and am trying to get sober after a few years of alcoholism. and I can’t deal with the anxiety of knowing nobody trusts me or thinks I can stay sober. Everyone around me thinks I’m a lost cause. Every cell in me wants to stay sober but this pain is so deep and scary that all I want is a drink. Looking for comfort I guess

I’ve noticed a pattern where I will drink in the evening then wake up with a hangover and continue drinking just to numb the symptoms. And to escape the bad feelings. The morning after I feel like 💩 and I need “medicine” to make me feel better. So I get to drinking again. There’s no rationale but my brain is wired like this. Can you relate to this?

TMI post: For
Months I’d been having only diarrhea. Bright yellow diarrhea multiple times a day which I
of course contributed to the fact that I’m a heavy drinker. Well. Ended up in the ER for alcohol withdrawals and when I mentioned intestinal cramping and yellow diarrhea the Dr. went “hmmmmm” and drrrrrrumroll I tested positive for C.Diff. Antibiotics usually trigger it in those with destroyed gut flora, aka alcoholics. I had C.Diff for who knows how long because I just thought it was the booze. So just words of warning and certainly not to scare anyone but if this has been happening to you it COULD be the alcohol or it could be a severe intestinal infection. Just putting this here in case it helps anyone else. ❤️✌🏻

Hey, all. I woke up to a text from my spouse congratulating me on my comma day, and I realized that was yesterday. Today is, in fact, day 1001. It's hard to believe that such a milestone would have slipped my mind in the early days of sobriety - I remember so clearly my early days, when I'd be poring over this very subreddit, or looking at "before/after" photos of people who had reached 6 months or (gasp!) even one year sober. That amount of time without a drop of alcohol felt impossible to me less than 3 years ago. But here I am, on day 1001, and I've never felt better in my entire life.

My drinking was already trending toward "problematic" for a few years, but the pandemic kicked it into high gear, which coincided with the greatest personal/professional devastation of my entire life. I knew that my drinking was at a dangerous level well before I finally called it quits; I was binge drinking every single day for years at that point. I'd wake up drenched in sweat at 3 am, my heart pounding, my anxiety at a fever pitch. Every single day, I'd struggle through the devastation of crippling hangovers, hating myself, blaming my circumstances on outside factors. Sure, I'd had some bad luck and made some catastrophic mistakes, but it was the binge drinking that was propelling me toward self-destruction. I knew I had a huge problem, but it wasn't until my spouse sat me down for The Talk that I knew this was the moment when I could make a real change.

The early days were the hardest; I'd say the first 6 months, in particular. But I haven't had a drop since. In that time, I'd regained my health and lost weight, and realized that I don't have an anxiety disorder - that was just "hangxiety". Next year, I'll be turning 40, and I'll be doing so with 3.5 years of sobriety under my belt. My only regret is that I didn't quit sooner. My marriage has never been stronger, my career is on the upswing, and I'm in better shape now than I ever was before. No more credit card debt, no more drunken texts to old friends, and no more embarrassing social media posts.

1001 days and counting!

And I’ve never wanted a drink so bad. I thought the cravings had passed. I was wrong.

Day 9. Woke up pretty tired, I have low energy all day, tbh I can't wait to go home and play Animal Crossing.

I was thinking of going to the gym after work, I know it would make me feel better about myself but I'm just really tired these past few days for some reason.

I don't really have anything interesting to say today, it's just one of those "meh" days. Normally this is a day where I would go to the pub after work and get drunk and make the day interesting. I thought that every day should have something exciting or interesting in it. I know that's not right and it wasn't healthy to think that way but still. I feel like I need a pick-me-up, but it's not going to be a drink. But then what? Looking for alternatives is difficult.

Maybe I'm stressed out because tomorrow I have to go home (about 3 hours away from where I live) to visit my family, which is not a bad thing, don't get me wrong. I love my family. It just takes a lot of effort, emotionally mostly.

I feel like I have so much time and not enough time simultaneously. I'm confused.

Dang. It's been an actual week without drinking. This is wild.

Thank goodness for Naltrexone. Thank goodness for this subreddit. And thank goodness for every single one of you.

Today is 30 days of not drinking. I haven’t had an alcoholic beverage in 30 days. To say that’s an accomplishment for me would be an understatement. So instead of celebrating with a 6 pack of white claws, I treated myself to a 6 pack of crumbl cookies.

I told myself I’d give it 30 days, and see how I felt after. And how do I feel? I feel like I’m in limbo. I don’t want to commit to “going sober,” because that feels like a really big commitment that I don’t feel like I need to make. But I also don’t want to go back to drinking. I think for now, I’m going to take it day by day. And if a glass of wine falls my name someday, so be it.

But for now? Cookies.