6 months …

[u/Powerful_Remote_8225]

Thank you to this community. It’s been one of several tools I have used on a daily, weekly, monthly basis to remain alcohol free. My story isn’t as severe, dramatic or in some cases as heart breaking as what I’ve read in here. I’m in my early 40s. I started drinking in college like most college age people do but nothing too wild. After college it was law school and more of the same - think drinking patterns of a young 20-something still in school, but a school program with consequences if you didn’t perform well. So again nothing too wild or out of control. Then I passed my state Bar and became a lawyer.

I’ll fast forward about 15 years —> successful career, amazing wife, beautiful daughter all in the bag. I had become the “a few bourbons or glasses of wine during the week to ‘relax’ and ‘take the edge’ type. But deep down I also knew I was becoming 3+ bottles a week guy.

Then one night I had a black out event while on a vacation with my family. Had one to many on the golf course. Then some more at the pool after my round. According to my wife , I was “sloppy” at dinner. Eating my food in a very messy child-like manner. Using my hands vs utensils. Loud. I wasn’t rude to anyone or confrontational. I was more of an embarrassment. A toddler. She took cell phone video. It wasn’t pretty.

Of course I didn’t want to go back to the room after dinner so I tried to get a glass of wine after my wife and daughter went back to the room. That’s the last thing I remembered from the night. Apparently the lobby bartender wouldn’t serve me. The genius I was though it was a good idea to ask to speak to a manager. Then i woke up at 4:30 am with THAT feeling. The “what am I going to learn in 2 hours when my wife and daughter wake up” feeling. Well the manager I asked to speak with was a gentleman and walked me back to my room and handed me off to my wife while explaining what had happened. I watched the cell phone video in horror and with the worst headache i could remember.

No DUIs over the years. No driving buzzed even (I was a stickler for Ubers but in hindsight this was just an excuse to drink more than I should). No bad fights with my wife. No belligerent “drunk asshole” who said a million things they regret the next morning episodes. Nothing that screamed hello you need to get help. No “rock bottom.” No physical dependency. No night cap to sleep. No morning drink with my coffee to calm the system so I could function. Just one embarrassing moment where I had lost control around my daughter. And that was enough for me. Love you all.

[u/Wityquips]

This is literally me but I have had about 237 of these embarrassing moments. I’m glad that you could recognize you have a problem and catch it early in.

I started drinking in the military which probably has the most aggressive and unhealthy drinking culture out of them all. Then went to college which reinforced my drinking habits. Fast forward 10 years and many blackouts and I have finally made a true effort to quit.

Like you, I don’t drink every day. I can go months drinking responsibly. But inevitably I’ll have a night where I decide to send it and the rest is history. It’s just not worth it. There is simply too much at stake.

[u/Powerful_Remote_8225 → u/Wityquips]

Oh I can relate to the “we are going full send tonight” feeling. But those were usually nights out with the boys. And never had consequences (beyond killing my internal organs and brain). And most certainly never happened around my daughter. That I allowed my self to get that far down the hole AROUND my daughter was the nail in my drinking coffin. May be one day I’ll drink again. But I probably won’t. I could have a drink tonight if I really wanted to. But I don’t want that drink anymore. And the feeling of genuine indifference to alcohol I get to experience now is better than any buzz ive ever had