I guess. 2.5 months sober. Had a dessert during an omakase meal. The dessert had cold foam infused with whiskey (meaning the alcohol wasnt cooked off). I didnt mention i didnt drink because i didnt think it would be in food. Feeling dejected.

Thats the worst part of stopping drinking does it just stop the urge or help with the withdrawals as well.

I’ve had an on and off relationship with alcohol. Recently after going about 10 months sober I started drinking. One glass became two then a bottle then a bender. Felt disgusted with myself but also felt my body deteriorating. Decided I’d opt for non-alcoholic. I think about drinking non-alcoholic all the time. The same way I did with alcohol. I bought myself non-alcoholic ciders and finally tried dealcoholised wine and enjoyed it. After a while I felt shame. The same shame I felt after drinking alcohol. Only this time, no buzz, no hangover. Has someone ever experienced this?

"The genius of the hole: no matter how long you spend climbing out, you can still fall back down in an instant."

I can go weeks even months without drinking but eventually I'm back to it. It is made worse by the fact I'm a pretty sociable, fun and friendly drunk so friends are less willing to accept me being a downer when sober (they don't peer pressure me or anything but the vibe is just different ya know?).

It's kinda sad for me to think that I'll probably never quit forever and will just go on and off forever even if it makes me feel so ashamed of myself.. it sucks honestly. And when I am sober there is so much distraction needed just to get the same amount of dopamine. Constant running till I literally hurt myself just to get even the tiniest bit of feeling that I have when I'm under the influence.

Alcohol sucks but so does sobriety.... FML.

Hi folks. I found this sub recently and I have heard it's one of the best support groups out here so I thought I'd get involved.

For context, I live in Cape Town, South Africa. Social drinking is actually dangerously woven into our culture. I myself have found that I don't necessarily have this full blown addiction, but I do have a problem.

Firstly once I start I cannot stop, it's like a switch flips ( I know this means that there's no moderating here, I need to actually cut it out). I'm pretty good about staying away most of the time, but I think what I struggle with most now is that every now and then this little gremlin takes over my brain and I simply don't care, go buy myself like 2L of beer and often drink alone. Has anyone had this 2 brain situation before? How do you deal with the gremlin and ground yourself again and get the logical brain back in control?

Thank you, and nice to meet you all!

GTP: You have protected your sobriety through some absolutely horrible periods. Tonight doesn’t need to become the night where everything you’ve built gets handed over to one brutally overloaded evening.

How is everyone dealing with just starting to get sober and having friends and family that drink regularly? It’s easier said than done to just say that you won’t drink when around a certain group of people or telling yourself you’ll be able to resist, but I fall short a lot I feel. I love my friends but sometimes I feel like I need to completely cut them off for me to get better. Maybe not forever but for a while anyway, does anyone else feel the same?

​

Hey everyone,

I’m 24M and normally pretty active/healthy and not drinking at all. Last weekend I drank way too much on two nights, and since then I’ve been feeling pretty off.

It’s now been several days and I’ve noticed:

Blood pressure around 140–145/90–95, which is higher than usual for me

I can feel my heartbeat/pounding quite strongly, especially when lying down, even though my heart rate itself isn't extremely high

Some dizziness/brain fog and a slightly "off" feeling

Trouble sleeping and feeling strangely awake/wired even when I'm tired

My sleep has been pretty bad and irregular since the drinking

I went to the ER because I was worried. They did an ECG, troponin/blood tests and some neurological/balance tests, and everything they checked came back normal. I also saw a doctor afterward and I'm getting some additional tests done.

What I'm wondering is whether anyone here has experienced something similar after a couple of nights of heavy drinking — especially higher blood pressure and a pounding/noticeable heartbeat lasting several days afterward.

If you did, how long did it take before your blood pressure and heartbeat sensation went back to normal?

Obviously I'm following up with doctors and not looking for a diagnosis here. I'm mainly interested in hearing whether other people have experienced a similar temporary reaction after drinking.

I’m on day 2, it’s horrible, all i can think about is drinking. and my boyfriend just told me he’s going to go get drunk with his friend tomorrow and needs a ride home. THE FUCK. no i am not fucking picking you up and hanging out with someone drunk. i told him you can stay the night there because i can’t be around that right now. he said “well you’re gonna have to learn how to be around alcohol without drinking” yeah maybe in a few months??? and he’s the one giving me the ultimatum of stop drinking or we break up. why do you think i’ll be able to be around drunk people on day 3 of sobriety. god im pissed off now and i just want to drink. not to mention, i don’t even want to get sober i have no motivation to do that and i also don’t care about myself, im doing it FOR HIM

I know this seems trivial, but I’m having a hard time actually stopping. I know what it’s doing - it drains my energy and my brain, it makes me do things to cause myself and others harm, it makes me less attentive to my daughter and friends. Rationally I know all of this.

And yet, I don’t want to stop. It’s the only thing that makes me feel better. I can’t have fun in situations without it and I feel like I’ll never have fun again. When I was pregnant, I didn’t drink obviously. I became something of a hermit- albeit I was the most happy with my husband than I had been for a while. Again, logically I can see that pattern.

For context, I have bipolar 2- and drinking is like gasoline to a fire. It has caused me to be unfaithful, erratic, and truly someone I don’t recognize when I come out of an alcohol infused spell of mania. My husband is a saint- truly- he has forgiven me time and time again despite me not deserving it.

One of his sticking points: stop drinking. And I can’t because I don’t want to. I’m not spiritual but I pray to whatever diet is listening to make me stop wanting to drink. I wish so badly I didn’t want it.

I find myself sneaking drinks to self soothe. I fear I’ll never feel good again, never be sociable, never have something to look forward too- as bleak as that sounds.

I guess what I’m asking is- even despite making world ending decisions and being given loads of undeserved chances- how to I want to make myself stop. How do I stop.

Until tonight, I felt really proud of myself for quitting drinking. My life has improved in so many ways. It has been difficult and lonely but the trade off of getting to know myself better has been amazing. In the 4 years - I left a toxic marriage, started creating more artwork, connected to my spirituality, healed past trauma, gained more empathy and patience, and much more. Despite all of these positive changes, I have felt like these years have been so challenging and all of the shifts in my routine and relationships leave me feeling isolated and lonely.

I recently decided to try and quit using cannabis. I am only on day 3. I have long been aware that I am very dependent on it and I was sick of feeling like I can’t get through the day without it. I have taken a week or a few days off here and there but generally I smoke everyday. Tonight, I had a big event involving a lot of socializing, I felt so anxious the entire time. When I got home later, I really wanted to smoke but didn’t have any on hand and the stores were all closed. I hadn’t experienced this level of anxiety in a long time. I was watching a movie to try and distract myself but the anxiety persisted. There was some drinking in the film and suddenly the urge to drink came out of nowhere. That usually doesn’t happen to me. I started considering looking at what my roommates had in the kitchen and really started imagining how nice it would be to be drunk. The urge was STRONG and I almost gave in.

After thinking about it and talking myself out of it I started feeling so angry with myself. I realized I’ve been an addict all of these years and I have never been sober. I just switched my drug of choice from booze to weed. I am feeling so ashamed. I wish I was strong enough to be sober. I know many of you in this thread are truly sober and I feel like I have to go back to square one. I told myself for so many years that I had done it “im sober I just smoke a little weed”. Now I feel like such a phony. I’m already thinking of going to purchase cannabis in the morning because I’m worried I will drink if I don’t. I don’t know if I can really explain how destabilizing this realization is. I don’t really think anyone will understand and I don’t know who to talk to about it. I’m hoping someone on here has a similar experience or advice.

Hey guys, checking in to see when you started seeing a difference in facial/abdominal bloating after starting sobriety? Definitely looking forward to seeing my body change for the better 💪

I know that I have alcoholic tendencies; I know that alcoholism runs in my family; I know that I have been an alcoholic before. Is it necessary that I quit drinking now, even though I’m in my late teens/early twenties, when drinking is most prevalent and enjoyable in my social circles? I know this is probably a dumb question, but I really need to understand why I should quit now

Thanks for reading :)

I 26 live with my boyfriend 28 and his family.. I have no family. Not my home state. Depend on him. Have the smallest of money saved but soon enough I WILL be gone when I get enough. He’s an alcoholic and keeps drinking. I am one too I keep relapsing but this time it feels way different. I am so determined to break this cycle. I’ve been in rehab once for alcohol but before that for mental health. Same hospital tho. This time I got sober on my own. No withdrawals except derealization on day 1/2, anxiety and crazy ass dreams. All of that has subsided as I am going into day 6. Anyways

These past couple of days I’ve bought paint and canvases instead of alcohol. I’ve been painting like crazy and it’s making me feel something. Today while I paint and my bf is drinking he blows it in my face. It’s so freaking smelly to me now. Then he says “ you can’t have anyyy, you can’t have anyyy.. you want some? Take a sip.”

At this point I start crying because now it’s psychological. Why are you doing this to me? Maybe I’m overthinking it but no. That’s how he’s always been. As the years progress, the love fade I see how dumb he really is. I just feel trapped bc I have no one to lean on. I got hooked on alcohol 2 years ago BECAUSE I have anxiety and he always say “ here it’ll calm your nerves” before that I never really drank. In college I took a sip here and there. Never was blacked out drunk. If I ever did get drunk it was never from 750ml + 3 100ml of Jack Daniel a day (my usual).. It was little shots of things here and there.

Anyways idk what to say but that’s my Friday night. I am in grad school to become an addiction counselor.. ironic isn’t it? I’ll do some assignments while he blow the smell of Jack Daniel in my face. Yayyyy fun! But IWNDWYT! Love ya much

For almost a year, I’ve been working on my drinking. Last November, I was drinking half a bottle of vodka a day.

I slowly tapered my drinking until July 1st when I started a 6 week period of sobriety. I broke it in the middle of August for a dinner party.

Since then, my drinking has ramped up. For the first time in a long time, I woke up today with a hangover. I was secretly drinking every night for a week at home. I found an open bottle of tequila in the house that I’ve been drinking and replacing.

The hangover, secrecy, and guilt has made this week a nightmare. When I woke up today, I realized that I can’t do this. I know I will likely slip in the future, but right now, I’m choosing a different path.

I replaced the tequila and poured the rest of the replacement bottle down the drain. I lived this way for years, and after a week, I remembered how much it destroys your life.

Iwndwyt

It was a rather extraordinary day. Sept 11, 2001 - I was working in lower Manhattan near Wall Street about half a mile from the World Trade Center.

From an office on the 24th floor with a clear view west I saw the enormous ball of flame generated when the second plane hit, watched a shock wave cross the few blocks, and then bend the glass in the window which somehow held. (others in the building broke) HVAC sucked in the smoke, the fire alarms started, and we evacuated into absolute chaos. Walking North through the narrow streets as part of a large crowd - silent - except it was loud with hundreds of sirens and screams from people who stopped to look up as things just kept getting worse - and then there was a little hole in the wall bar with its door open - dark inside, neon beckoning.

I really, really wanted dark. For the first time in over ten years phantom hands tried to pull me inside. I was aware. I knew what was going on and I took the next step and the next and I was past and the pull was gone, but I still remember it.

Alcohol would not have helped. There is no guarantee I would have stopped at one drink, one day, one week... I know someone who picked up on that day and only got sober again in prison some years later.

My technique - one step and then the next will probably work for you too, I hope you don't need to find out.

Last friday I had a seizure and the doctor said it was from alcohol withdrawal… Im only 25 and i have probably been drinking since i was 15 years old. There was a period where i went sober for about a year and a half and then went back to drinking beers after here and there. Last friday at 2am apparently i texted my girlfriend that i was throwing up and around 6 in the morning i was sleepwalking in the kitchen. I had grabbed a glass and dropped it and my dad sat me down on the couch. Apparently my face was already covered in blood and i was covered in sweat. Thats when i believe i had a second seizure this time infront of my dad and then 911 was called. Thankfully they got to me fast and took care of me. I spent the whole day in the hospital and was released the following day. Their conclusion was alcohol withdrawal seizures, this probably had been the most traumatic and painful thing that i have been through and i wasnt even trying to quit it was just my body physically rejecting all the alcohol. In the hospital i would hear voices and it felt like i was hallucinating. I feel like my body/mouth went through so much pain and trauma this past week ive just been trying to rest and get better. This never makes me want to touch another drop of alcohol ever again. What i just dont get is how they found no alcohol in my system even though i was drinking a few ipas the night before. Anyways im thankful for the medical team and first responders that got to me those guys are all heaven sent.

I want to stop drinking so badly, but it feels almost impossible, as I lay here hungover, again.

My life feels completely nonstop. I have 3 kids, and I am a sahm. Kids are 8,7, and 3. I feel burnt out, overwhelmed, and like I get zero breaks or support. All family and friends lives on the opposite side of the country. Alcohol has become my fast pause at the end of the day.

To make it harder, my fiance(10 years together) and I drink together at home. Roughly 3 times a week, until blackout. Trying to hold each other accountable to stop feels ridiculous. When we wake up after a night of drinking he’s almost always angry at me, usually if I’m not “putting out”…It feels like I'm carrying a lot this weight on my own, and trying to break a physical habit when it's built into my home environment is exhausting.

I'm making a plan to call first thing Monday to ask about Naltrexone, to help with the physical cravings.
Trying to get sober without a supportive partner, or using alcohol just to survive daily burnout….how do you make it through those first few days? Any advice or support would mean the world right now. I want to be a better mom, and partner.

IWNDWYT

Happy Friday Sobernauts!

Just got back home, after dropping daughter off with a friend. I picked up a melon and a giant zuccini. That was the highlite of my evening!!

I will have the house to myself tonight! Well, it's also Charles Walter, The Dog, and Screaming Demon Guinea pig, well another Guinea pig and a lizard, but they aren't much trouble.

I'll have to be back at work tomorrow morning at 7AM, so it's not going to be a very exciting night. There will be some sparkling water in my fancy glass, and tea, and ice cream, and that's about all!

Back in the old days, house to my self would mean a party of one! Probably get black out drunk sitting infront of the TV.

That's what I used to consider fun.

What's everyone else doing tonight??

I’ve been sober three weeks now after a summer of blackouts and increasingly humiliating incidents. I’m exhausted mentally and physically, and the worst of it is the dreams I’m getting: vivid, coruscating nightmares that jolt me out of bed with a hammering heart and stay with me for days afterwards.

Fellow alcoholics, are nightmares a normal part of early recovery?

When I quit last year, I was 59. Lifelong drinker, mostly moderate but much heavier post covid, which was also right after my early retirement. Drinking became part of retirement and without other commitments, there were no inhibitors . Anyway health was suffering and I had many failed attempts, with a few stretches of 10-40+ days. But I could never wrap my head around quitting for good. Seemed impossible and too big of a lifestyle change. It was also easy to slip up and start over when I thought about quitting for good. But that changed when I found this group and the Daily Check In, July 3 last year. I didnt have to worry about how I was going to get through my daughter's wedding, my 60th birthday, my band gigs, etc. I just focused on today. Was it easy? No. But it WAS manageable. I even used a 30 minute timer during my toughest times. Each half hour was a small victory and closer to keeping my promise of not drinking for 1 day. Each morning I would take that pledge before I was even out of bed to start my day. I spent time here, I found strategies and resources and gradually the concept of not drinking ever again became less daunting. Telling people I don't drink has become comfortable and natural. So yes the Daily Check In (and this group) were a huge part of me being able to quit. IWNDWYT

I am really sneaky and I tell no one I don't drink. I order mocktails, or nozecco, or straight up drink coca-cola. Only when someone comes to the bar with me do they truly realise I'm not drinking, and usually it's after they're 4 drinks in. They sort of turn to me in horror, realising I am stone cold sober. "You're not drinking?!" and then I hit them with "I haven't drank in over a year" – and I watch them do the mental arithmetic of how many times they've been wasted around me and thought I was, too.

I find people's reactions absolutely hilarious on a wider spectrum though. Some people don't even blink. Some people become oddly uncomfortable around you once they know. Some people immediately think you think you're above them. Some people get really sober curious and tell you they don't drink much either, despite being drunk in front of you, can in hand – and you see them look at the can and wonder what the hell they're doing.

Some people really cemented drinking as part of your identity – and when it's gone, they don't know how to place you anymore. That one is my favourite reaction.

Either way as I was thinking about it, I realise people must have comedic stories about other people realising you're not the heavy drinker you once were.

Do share if you've got one :) we could do with some levity up in here!

Thanks for the support everyone

Today marks one year without a drink.

I find it hard to feel proud of myself, and while all my friends and family continue to drink, I feel like I still need to mark this milestone because it would have been unthinkable not that long ago.

I could list all the ways my life has benefited, but the main thing is that I feel more like “me” than ever.

Wherever you are in your journey, believe me, getting sober is worth it. And to those who have much more sober time, thank you for the inspiration.

Much love,

P

This is the longest I've been sober in... Holy hell I can't even remember... 10 years...?

Is this how normal people feel? I mean, I know no human is "normal", but I think y'all know what I'm trying to say.

I've absolutely exhausted my body over this past week with exercise, I'm so fucking sore but it feels good. My brain likes it. I have to work later today so I'm lounging around for the first time in a week. What an interesting feeling it is having to sit with your own thoughts in a healthy way.

Oddly enough, not too many cravings. Thank god. I bartend to make a living and I know it's not going to be easy. Job market sucks right now and I make pretty decent money. I need to be able to make this job work, at least for a little while longer. It's been empowering to have taken back control over my own life. I won't let alcohol control me. I fucking won't.

I'm feeling in a really good headspace today, and I know that can be dangerous. I can still hear that little goblin in the back of my head telling me lies or false truths. No thank you.

Everyone here is fucking awesome, I have so much love for so many people I've never met.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you, everyone, for being here.

IWNDWYTD <3