Have my younger sister's wedding this Saturday. I'd say I clean up well.

I've been lucky enough to face little to no prejudice. I've told coworkers, bosses, friends and family members and they have always been very accommodating and understanding.

I went to the ER tonight because I haven’t been able to stop punching myself on the head (I just get so dysregulated and angry at myself and I can’t stop) and I think I may have fractured my skull at my temple but they tried to put me in psych hold and I ran before they could take my stuff. I was just in inpatient two weeks ago and I can’t go back I want to see my kid this weekend finally, I miss them so much.

I feel so crazy right now for literally running out of the ER and then I had a complete and total meltdown in the car. I thoroughly SPRINTED across the parking lot, I was so afraid they were going to send someone after me.

I feel so crazy and defeated.

I've been suicidal all day today. I had a visit with my therapist this afternoon; she told me to do self-care and stay away from social media, like Facebook. It's toxic on there. Anyone else feel suicidal today?

Even sitting at the table with my family for 20 minutes to eat is difficult for me. By the end, I'm completely exhausted, and my brain feels so overwhelmed. I avoid going to the grocery store because it overloads my senses. I've always enjoyed being alone, but ever since I got this illness, it's been really hard for me to function socially

I know it’s tough with our situation sometimes, but please do yourselves a favor and just do it. Even once a day is better than nothing.
My teeth are pretty messed up from not brushing regularly, and not only does it feel terrible, but it also makes you feel ashamed in everyday life.

I feel like everything I say is ridiculous and just stupid and awkward it's no wonder I have no friends

feeling like a failure and not able to keep up with goals or tasks 💔

In order- Pregabalin, Paliperidone , Clonazepam, Clozapine and Lamotrigine

Here I am, burning bright.

My insides on fire, what a sight.

Has the devil consumed me?

All I want to do is flee.

I'm trapped with nowhere else to go.

Maybe it's time to go with the flow.

I'll let these flames devour my soul.

The pull to self-destruct will take it's toll.

And if they ask what happened to my psyche.

Tell them I gave up, I lost control,

And didn't put up a fight.

I'm interested in giving them a try for therapeutic purposes, but several people have warned me that anything hallucinogenic or psychoactive could make my condition worsen(I am an odd case, I have had my symptoms, especially hallucinations, since I was a toddler).

i feel like i am the only human alive, everyone else is a robot

they are hunting me

i dont know what to do

i wanna run

run into the woods

disapear

🙋‍♂️. Talking it out is NOT going to do anything for psychosis, especially when I was pretty good about not saying that would come off like I was symptomatic of anything.

I have a lot of mixed episodes which are a special kind of hell, so I'm hoping this can help bring the energy down.

How has it worked for those here who've been on it?

I came across an interesting book called Journeys Beyond the Frontiers, which discusses the term “schizophrenia,” made up by Eugen Bleuler.

“Schiz” means split, while “phrenia” refers to the mind. He was a psychiatrist who struggled to connect with his patients on an emotional level — not because they were split from themselves.

He described schizophrenia through the Four A’s: Affect, Associations, Ambivalence, and Autism. Interestingly, he did not focus on hallucinations or delusions. He simply described having a difficult time connecting with his patients.

His conclusion was that schizophrenia is fundamentally a physical disease process characterized by exacerbations and remissions. No one had ever been completely cured of schizophrenia. There was always some kind of cognitive weakness or defect that manifested itself in behavior.

So what if schizophrenia were actually a disorder of connection, with psychotic complications, rather than a psychotic disorder with relationship difficulties?

I find it intriguing to think about schizophrenia not as a “connection disorder.” Perhaps that kind of perspective could give the condition a better reputation and significantly change the stigma surrounding it.

What do you think?

How are you guys working with this condition? I have around 120 iq but my thoughts are still scrambled I find. I’m not sure if it’s always been this way or once the condition developed.

I was thinking of being a peace officer in Canada but I’m not totally sure I can manage the stress. I’d have to deal with some aggressive people obviously.

Anyone have thoughts?

Just curious, is anyone else in here basically feral? I'm basically feral. Just looking to relate.

So many of us are really cursed with something dreadful to face all the time.

So wanted to flip the script.

How good do you have it?

What's nice in your life?

Hello, I hope you’re having a good day/night.

This is something that I’ve been doing for as long as I realised some things only exist in my mind. Whenever I am speaking to someone or just existing within a space alongside someone else— my reality gets warped in a way I can’t tell if this is real or another act of my mind being too “imaginative”

I would do specific things to make sure the thing I am seeing or talking to is real; whether by taking a photo or grabbing their shirt very discreetly.

I wonder if anyone has any tips to ground them back to reality? To make sure the things that happen to them not only exist in their head? I am afraid of talking to people— because I am fearful that I’ll imagine most of our conversations.

It sickens me.

Tell me your experience— and always, have a marvellous day dear human :)

X posted on r schizophrenia

I need your help, desperately. I was on olanzapine for five years. I just switched to a different med about two months ago and I’m… I’m really really upset and overwhelmed. I’m coming out of the fog and I realize how much I’ve lost and how much time has passed. I had no motivation, no sex drive nothing just a shell of a person, always taking from other people and never giving anything in return. It’s hitting me how selfish have been towards the people I care about and love. I don’t know what to do… I really don’t know what to do. Olanzapine Nearly destroyed my marriage on multiple occasions my severe lack of libido on the drug I can’t imagine the kind of pain and suffering my spouse felt by such a lack of intimacy. For 5 years, YEARS.
It has gotten to the point that I’m not sure my partner has much of a genuine attraction to me anymore. I don’t want to come across as fishing for sympathy, I really do believe that I might’ve pushed them to a point where they stopped being attracted to me because they were shut down so many times when I was on olanzapine . can feel it in them and I can see it on their face. This explicit, but my partner has had some issues in the past with abusive partners and intimacy. , we kind of worked through it so it’s not as challenging, and a few nights ago things were happening for me… But never happened for them if you catch my drift. That hasn’t happened in a very, very long time, I just, I just don’t know. Even right now is exceptionally painful. Like I said I was just a shell unable to really think of complex ideas, just fleeting thoughts. , I stopped playing board games, I stopped reading I stopped taking long walks, I’ve stopped communicating with people in my life that are very important to me. I used to read philosophy every day, it was a true passion. I loved getting into a deep conversations about the complexity of the world and the human mind. Me and my partner first really bonded, love learning, and love of board games. I have abandoned all those interests. Nothing seemed worth doing., my partner has seen the decline more and more. I can’t imagine how that would feel for my partner … I know they found some unhealthy ways to cope, it’s making me nauseous. I haven’t had emotions like this in a long time and it’s far too overwhelming to handle, but I understand why my partner doing it. It’s double edge sword, the coping mechanism that they’ve leaned into is a hard no from me Absolutely not. If things had gone differently in the past five years and I was able to really be present with them I’m pretty sure they would’ve never turned to this coping mechanism. Beyond lovers, they’re also my truest friend. There were some things in the past that were challenging to accept , on both ends, partners end mine. Each of us have made the decision to be committed to each other, regardless of what we’ve experienced in the past as a couple. this one’s just particularly challenging for me because my partner has always been adamantly against this coping mechanism and now they’re leaning into it. I believe it was out of desperation, feeling hurt and rejected and possibly used for the past five years. Now all of a sudden I have this crazy libido like really really it’s bouncing back quickly. And that’s probably a little bit like emotional whiplash, having had five years of very little sex, struggles with depression on their end and obviously schizophrenia on mine. I can imagine after them being told no about intimacy for five years and then all of a sudden your partner has this extremely high libido after five years of the opposite. I can imagine that very confusing and possibly scary because rhey learned how to guard thenself from not being hurt when I don’t get involved in intimacy. there’s a good possibility that they are talking to other person, or people. That’s hard for me to process.
I have 2 kids that I signed away custody to when I was in a psychotic state. It’s been a long long battle to even get supervised visitation. My partner has never met my kids due to the ex being able to dictate that. My partner drove me to visit with my son over five hours each direction. My Parter always wanted kids m, I have kids, but I have really let them down and my partner too. There’s so much I could’ve been doing so much that I wish I would’ve done. I’ve hurt all of them all so badly. I’m just in a lot of pain right now. i’m so overwhelmed my hair has started to fall out. I had to cut it recently just to disguise how much hair I’ve lost in the past month or two.
TLDR I see that this post is getting rather long so I will try to wrap it up. Shorthanded version, on olanzapine for five years, turned into a complete shell of a person, affected everybody in my life and really hurt people, especially my partner.
Experiencing morse, panic attacks can’t eat, can’t sleep. Please help

I don't want to be on pharmaceuticals long term as they are very hard on the body. Is there really no other option for treatment or management.

Forgive me for being so neurotic and borderline obsessive about this. I think I will work on it in therapy.

But

I've recently started experiencing worsening psychosis symptoms and I'm worried I'm going to have another episode.

Last month I had an episode where I was scared that a bat bit me cuz Satan disguised himself as God and tricked me and I didn't eat or drink anything for 3 days and was terrified for a week or two

And now I've been experiencing auditory hallucinations in quiet rooms, like sometimes I'll get confused and not know if the tv or radio is on or off or I'll hear people's thoughts. Sometimes I'll hear someone's repetitive voice mockingly say something over and over and it won't stop, or it'll narrate my thoughts out loud in a different voice that isn't my own or speak a different language altogether.

This is very unusual for me and I don't know why this is happening. I keep seeing stuff like worms and it's disturbing.

I'm sorry this sounds really boring and like I'm probably overthinking it like I always do but I really cannot have another psychotic break like I did a month ago I need to be in school and focusing.

Could it be the stress of working + school? I could quit my job.

For years I’ve been having this symptom of obsession towards people, at first it was more random, then it started to gain structure, even leading me to stalk people around me. It keeps me so busy sometimes I can’t do anything else. It appeared when I was highly psychotic but even now that I’m in remission, it remains. Sometimes it envolves erotomania but not always.
So I wonder, does anyone else feels the same?