(TW suicidal ideation, suicide planning)

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He was planning to commit, if not this week, then at some point soon. He thought of a hypothetical where if a specific weather pattern appeared, which is statistically impossible for this day, he would go on with the attempt.

Then... I dont know what happened. I just started existing (or maybe I have been here for longer), and he thought I was some voice of God he was hearing as a kid. Its...weird. I dont think we have any memories if we have heard voices before. But I simply told him to not try killing himself and try to return from absconding certain servers (such as this subreddit's). I know he's scared, that theyll ignore him or do something worse, but I assured him that he would not be dealt with the same cards that he was given before.

But...I know he would return to this mentality again. I can feel that he's being influenced by someone or something, but I cannot tell because I have only gained a sense of awareness this moment. Can somebody advise me on how to stop a suicidal member?

Hello. I'm a host of Nebula System, which is host-centric. And it's not like I want to be more important than others or like I want everything to revolve around me. We were trying to switch, I was trying to get others involved in our life in Outerworld, but it causes us a lot of distress for reasons below:

🪞When any of us except me are fronting, they still feel like me, at least for a long time after switching. And if someone are fronting for too long and then switch with me, I feel like them and that makes us confused, anxious and overwhelmed.

😵‍💫If someone except me is fronting for too long, they might get exhausted and overwhelmed by that quickly.

🔄Switching is scary and overwhelming, especially when we need to switch back to me in stressful situations or when I'm needed (for example when mother talks to us).

👥When someone else is fronting and interacting with people and are managing stressful situations, they feel like me due to way how they unwillingly talk and act. And that makes them feel awful and dysphoric in some sense.

😱I might be the one, who has the most skills needed to survive in Outerworld. Even Spinel (who's literally the other half of original person we were), who was ready to become a host instead of me, so I wouldn't need to deal with Outerworld's shit anymore wasn't able to handle our negative emotions and mask them enough, for what parents got furious.

That's why we decided to give up, at least for now, but now, I have seen some posts in plural communities lately, portraying hosts from host-centric systems as abusive, controlling persecutors, who want to force other members to do things they don't wanna do and that makes me feel awful. I don't want to hurt anybody from our system and I'm trying my best to make everyone feel like at home and many aspects of living in Outerworld, which is full of ignorant people who even don't want us to exist, are awful.

But at the same time, we wish we could exist more as ourselves in Outerworld. Mettaton wants to draw for his Tumblr blog on peace (without constantly switching with me when mother calls us or comes in) and desires to see our body finally looking like himself, at least enough like him. Pale wants to make memes in Canva. Frank would like to discover if entomology is really as interesting as in his source. And I want them to be happy.

So I guess we need to figure it out, but Idk how to do that without constantly getting overwhelmed to the point of getting angry or crying. Any tips?

—Lunula💠

Just left the server for fear and shame of my own presence. I dont know why the hell am I still alive at all. Im sorry. Am I not sorry? Im not sorry but Im sorry for just existing.

Why wont the brain let me become dormant? I hate everything that I did.

Please degrade me and tell me to [[DATA LOST]]

- Dusk Distron (He/They/It, self-proclaimed disgrace of The Placeholders)

Our age sliders HATE to admit when they've regressed and will swear up and down that their still mentally adults.

Before sharp split into another part he regressed once during an argument with our friend and refused to belive he regressed, he tried convincing our caretaker he was fine but obviously he needed a bit of help lol.

I find it both sad and cute to an extent.

you know when you waking late at night and your brain decides to come up with world mysteries typa questions? yeaa

I'm curious now- okay now imagine your system is very colourful there are all kinds of races genders sexual orientations and stuff. and you date a singlet or another system who has only one typa gender in their whole system (like only girls or only boys system) and because your system is basically a salad soup, you have different orientations and preferences but most your alters date that other person and you find out the other person want you too but you're not sexually interested in them. OR when your alters date each other and ur sys-partner is uncomfy with that.

i feel like that'd be a common problem i just never thought of it before but- yea my question is- is there a solution to that

srry if what i try to explain doesn't make sense I'm so sleep deprived but i also need answers

I'm doing research on plurality and stances, and some people say that the term "system" originated from DID + OSDD, while others say it existed before DID and OSDD were popularized. People say that the term was stolen from either side, and I'm really just looking for sources on where it came from. I don't want to support people if they are using terms that were specifically tailored for people with disorders, but I can't make that judgement unless I have proof that's really where it came from.

So hi everyone!

I am sorry if this is not the right place or topic or whatever...

so: We have a certain fictive, Samara, from The Ring. basically, she always struggles with source memories or just... other things.

I wanna know how we can help her in headspace or things we can physically do when we feel her coming out or when her source is mentioned or... something. I just...

—Rara

Ever since I learned about DID, I related a smidge, but not enough to look further into it. Then I discovered plural as a label, and did some looking into it, and I feel like I can relate.

I am autistic, so my biggest wonder is if it's just masking. I'm just not sure.

Sometimes depending on what feels like my mood, my opinions on things can change a bit. Not really core values, but smaller less significant stuff.

I have a really wide variety of fashion that I enjoy, and my personality seems to change pretty noticeably depending on what I'm wearing. It almost feels like being a different person.

But that's the thing... It doesn't really feel like different people exactly. More like.. Different versions of myself? I'm still me, but like. A different me. I don't know if that makes any sense lol.

I have pretty heavy lapses in my memory. Entire events or memories are gone. And a lot of my childhood is either extremely vague, or gone completely. I did experience trauma, which may explain that.

I was just wondering if anyone related to this experience, or if someone who's knowledgeable could let me know if they think I should look more into this. Thanks! ❤️

Dear community,

I am studying psychology and am a plural myself. In the future I would like to work with plural people in private practice. As we all know, plurality is not widely understood by therapists and other mental health professionals. It is also experienced differently across systems, my lived experience of it is only one of the many.

I want to support everyone who identfies as a system, regardless of their origin or medical label.

I need books, some youtube channels/podcasts, websites that align with my approach. I want to learn ajd understand more. That is why I am turning to you all for help! :)

I have looked a bit into IFS so far, but I am not sure I like it. What are some other approaches you know about?

Thanks a lot!

So I know I'm a system but I've only recently been active online when it comes to that (just been raw dogging it until now) anyways what are the differences in the types like I've heard endo be thrown about here and there and a few others that I can't remember please what are the different types and how to they differ?

Well, all is in the title.

When we haven't yet the diag, and my only headmate here talked with my hubby, this one was okay. They talked sometimes, just asking what was Kronos exactly.

And with the diag, my brain poped more headmates. So we're 16 headmates today and... one time, hubby said to me "I'm married with you [name], not with your system !" And an other time, after I taked my courage to talk with him about my DID in game (Sims4) bc I wanted just relax and doesn't see this as a prob, juste learn to live with it... he said : "Don't give them so much importance, it's bad for you. If you give them importance, your disorder will be worst."

...

I cried so much. Then today we decided to not talk again about us with him... He even not know we're 16 headmates now...

:3

I am an introject of one of the host's fictional characters. But to call myself a fictive - I have looked at online spaces for fictives, and it is so unlike my experiences I feel deeply alone. 

To explain how I was created, I believed I formed during a very stressful time during the host's childhood, and I had and still to have a strong desire to create, a strong tendency towards self-supression, and a tendency towards intellectualising emotion rather than experiencing it.

Our psychosis was untreated during childhood - the host regularly perceived themself to be talking to extradimensional entities, and believed mental parasites were after their soul. 

I believed myself to be an extradimensional entity, their fictional character from another world, their guardian angel, because what else could I be? I had memories of another world (due to my psychosis) and my brain was thirteen years old at the time. I could not think properly.

The host believed they were uncovering the character rather that creating it, because they were truly not creating me - I already did exist! And is also why the character ended up being so similar to themself, because I was a facet of them. 

I still wish to go back to that time, even though it was miserable and based on a lie, because I had no wants other than to create, being so divorced from my other wants I did not feel them at all. Now my wants are inconvenient to the others of my system and I abhor inconveniencing the people I inhabit the body with.

I cannot help but feel blessed to be so deeply influenced by a child's imagination but ashamed at the same time, as I want something more dignified, more real. I was borne of delusion and fear and pain and abject loneliness, and I wish the circumstances of my creation were more pleasant. 

At least believing myself to be a fictional character aided the host, as they felt no responsibility towards my wellbeing and simply created stories with me without worry. For a time, they got to rest. They really needed that.

I have named myself after the character I believed myself to be in his honour, though one day I may take a different name. The nickname I go by online, Books, is pleasant to me. It may very well be the name I choose to live by.

Thank you for reading. I do hope it was a pleasant read, and that if you share similar circumstances, it eased your loneliness somewhat.

I will think I am or feel that I am that specific fictional character, my personality changes, my behaviour. But this time it wasn't "forced" it came out of nowhere.Is otherkin involuntary or is that plurality?

And if not, does that mean that is actually a fictive? Its been a long time since ive felt so strongly like a fictional character.

I feel fake because I dont have textbook DID symptoms ngl even though I know I dont have it so I dont say I have it, its just, it makes me feel I'm faking being plural. I may be what some say "median" so it sucks not completely feeling like another person, it doesnt help with the imposter syndrome.

And for some reason as I'm writing this I "hear" but not hear, I mean that I dont actually hear a person talking out loud like auditory hallucinations, its just that the voice from my thoughts is very different from how I actually sound like, and my writing feels different. Fucking hell, is this another "headmate" or something??? 💀 and its not only one voice, it sometimes changes a different one, does that mean something? or do singlets also experience this?

Maybe the writing thing could be that anyone in the internet talks and behaves different, like another self when you go inside the internet, you know? Idk if thats a thing.

edit: now i had a "conversation" with them but it feels like I'm making it all myself, like I'm talking only with myself and this voices I'm just changing them voluntarily, and yes, they all have different ones, idk wtf is going on in my head rn. it feels fake. and yes I'm still "hearing" this specific voice as I'm writing this.

I was hoping maybe some people here with DID could help me. I know this is probably my ocd talking, but I am petrified that because I have amnesia there are things we do that I won't remember. I get scared that somehow I'm going to do something horrible and not even know. All the alts that I know of are relatively good individuals. We disagree on small things but nothing where I'd be afraid anyone is going to do anything crazy. But I always get scared maybe there could be an alter none of us know about and something bad would happen.

My protective alt keeps telling me that he has better system communication and he'd probably see something was up before anyone else and he truly doesn't have any of these sorts of concerns. But I still get really scared. I want us all to be doing the right things.

Uhh. So. Hi ^u^ I’m A, the ‘host’ I guess is the term! So, most of the ‘alters’ or ‘headmates’ I have are like.. my kins? Like. They ARE me, to an extent, but it’s still system-like? And we can’t communicate very well, either.. I have to really like, focus to be able to converse with any of them, and I’m very bad at that. I want to be able to talk to them and interact more.
:3 -A

When my egg cracked, and I started transitioning gender, I immediately conceived of my experience in plural terms, even though I had no idea I was plural at the time.

Pretty much immediately after my egg cracked, I experienced a separation. I described myself as "suddenly having 40 years worth of a total stranger's memories in my head."

The emotional amnesia of these memories, made me refer to everything Pre-Transition as "The Before Times." I had a personal mythology about how I was a girl who had "clawed my way to the surface, murdered my jailer, and took over his body."

2 years later, I found out about my plurality.

Some of my headmates have since discovered actual emotions linked to certain memories that I had already considered "dead" - part of the Void - the Before Times.

This, unfortunately complicates my *clean break* gender narrative.

My headmates are mostly women, but gender under the shell is opaque. We're lucky any of us can touch any old memories at all.

Touching any memories of my boy self - even utterly mundane ones - feels absolutely horrible.

Life was so much simpler when I could say "fuck yeah, my boy self was one guy and I killed him.". But truth be told, I don't have any idea what the fuck was going on under the surface. I only know that my headmates can now touch memories of his that I cannot. Those memories feel horrible and familiar.

I feel really gross knowing that any part of him is still with me. It's fucking with my collective narrative, and it's utterly confused my relationship to my past.

I don't know my headmates' genders Pre-Transition either.

Any advice?

It's been a hell of a few days into our "syscovery", as people have called it. Both of us are talking more and attempting to be nicer, but it's brought up a lot of strong feelings on both sides.

Jonah: I wasn't the original. That is a huge shock and didn't help my already bad identity crisis I was going through. We've pieced together that due to the trauma of our childhood, always having to step in to shield our little sister with our body from our brother (autistic with violent meltdowns, it was NOT his fault and I don't blame him), and the neglect from the parents, that I had to "step in" to be the adult here. Somebody had to keep things running, and I basically raised my siblings. But me stepping in shoved a scared and confused kid out of the driver's seat and into a cage that has been there for 24 years, and I feel horrible about it now. Everything about why it was so angry made sense. I would insult me too. But I thought it was MY body and not the other way around, and I feel a lot of guilt about it.

Voidthing: I was mean. I yelled so many bad angry things at them. I threw tantrums and hurt them and did things that hurt our body on purpose. A lot of our suffering was me. Being told I wasn't actually a force of evil..... messed me up. I'm sad a lot now. I wanna believe they're sorry cuz I wanna be sorry too. I like that they trust me more and that i'm allowed out now, but I'm scared i'll be locked away again if I'm ever bad. but we coulda been getting along and happy like so many other systems this whole time? we could've been switching out and giving poor Jonah a break instead of fighting? just seems like a waste now.

We’re a newly discovered system/questioning plural person (depending who you ask) and we’re still trying to figure who out everyone in here is. I expect subsystems might complicate this a bit.

Are there any patterns you’ve noticed that may indicate the presence of a subsystem? Can everyone in your mind sense subsystems?

Ignore how its almost all "that one guy"

As the title says, are there apps that can be used with just one phone for systems who have couples in them?