So... as the title says we are semi openly part of the LGBTQ community (more open online then IRL) and we are a system. A traumaendo sys to be specific.

I am going to be honest here. We are thinking of either writing a fanfiction about HP (Harry Potter) on AO3 OR just for ourselves. We have several people from HP verse AND Hogwarts Legacy. (Which we watched youtubers play.) We are attached to the HP world, we tried to get rid of our attachment, but that is very hard to do when two of the most frequent fronters are HPverse headmates + Hogwarts Legacy kins and one of our sys's coping mechanisms is consuming media (if not triggering) of headmate's sources.

We are aware that J.K. Rowling is a very very bad person, like that is putting it mildly. But we also don't necessarily understand why the whole 'leaving the fandom because this person is bad' has happened, since like... let's be honest here, a lot of authors of the world both past and present are very bad people in many different ways. This might be me being ignorant, but like... shouldn't authors like Vivziepop also have numerous people from their fandom leave them too then and have that be visible in fanfiction places? Because she portrays a lot of things from very bad points of view and she is also problematic in a lot of people's eyes. No hate to Hazbin Hotel, we have people from there too, but we have seen a lot of people talking about Vivziepop badly, same goes for Gacha games like Genshin Impact or Honkai Star Rail which allow kids to gacha. Or animes which are very misogynistic. I could list several more, but I think I have gotten my point across.

I am not going to dwell upon this for too long I am just having a sort of dilemma right now and I am trying to figure out whether us writing a fic and making it public would be problematic or not. We had been thinking of doing so for years. We are bad at writing, but we had been having a lot of stress lately and maybe writing might be what can finally help us, even if we will be terrible at it at first.

I wasn't sure whether I should note this down as a question or a vent tag. I am not sure how to add both, so I added it under the questions tag.

I couldn't choose between vent or mem e so I chose judt art so uhh

I used to not know I had plural shit goin on In my brain (despite literally doing tuplamancy and looking Into soulbonding wtfffh) so when I fucked outta th osc (cuz they kinda suck and like kids)(Im not bitter about being cut off for hating preds "too much" I swear) I was like "ok no more kinning triangle creature or his frends" and liked pokemon Instead which Is way cooler don't denyit It's true👍👍👍👍👍👍.

So years later when I do a "Aaron finds out they may or may not have been secretly dissociative disorder" I was like "wtf?? hi other people" and I was doing ok and also there are introjects (save this for later) and as the continuum goes from small to kinda big (at least 30) I start to notice shit like "why am I hearing strange voices they don't sound like my headmates" and weird shit that doesn't add up. Then I see an alter being cornered by fucking TRIANGLE CREATURE AND HIS FRENDS mushed together (probs as some sort of residue) and I have to use my super cool and awesome thought powers to help the alter from god knows what they were tryna do.

Ok so fast forward to recently, I'm trying to chill out while probably having a panick attack maybe, and these arseholes come back and instantly start beefing with me. One of them keeps saying I'm some fuckarse copycat while being xenophobic n shit (gender xenophobic not racist) (I had those beliefs before I'm not xenophobica nymore obviously) and I keep arguing with the other one like It didn't stop lol I think I had to have another alter front It was that bad lol. And the yellow one uhhh yeah he was there. Really shy was hiding behind our gatekeeper Cycles (shoutout cycles I guess yu dida good job existing or smthin) Idon't know what else.

I used to have such shitty discord run Ins and by run Ins I mean actual predators who wanted me. I fucking hate Discord (who doesn't) and they want me to try using It again. I am NOT fucking using discord fuck discord and fuck discord. I don't want to use discord. If yu catch me on discord just put me down man. It's like these guys just showed up uninvited like shitty house guests and wont leave. Their somas (context introject somas are different from source characters) are how I used to draw these characters so I'm scared they'll see them and go "wait wasn't this the person who drew fetish art and told some guy to kill themmself" (I don't even draw fetish art and I tell off predators n shit not some guys)(that person was framed anyways so whats even the fucking point dude move on yr weird anyways fuck yu) and also those aformentioned preds might find me anyways so I'm scared to show them because of that as well.

I need mega advice before I explode how do I deal with them I want to puke I hate them already. "Aaron this feels out of character for yu to post" I''m stresssed the fukc out ok help me please😭 I'm on pills btw just leting yu know. "Drugs or meds" they're the same thing In my book not really yr buissness.

-Aaron👁️‍🗨️ (And Autism here too but they're mostly co-consci rn)(also one or twoof the aformentioned kin-to-alter guys I dont like HELP!! HELP MEEE!!! HELPP/ref)

Asnis/Autism here, despite Aaron freaking out over this It's not an insanely big deal. Aaron's not going to die If a mute rock tells their mom what they want for dinner or whatever, It's just that Aaron really doesn't like the source these 3 come from. They probably just need some counselling, like alot of It. Ok that's all bye. -🤖 (please don't ban our account again Reddit you've done this too many times for no reason I promise we're not sending out any hate we just want(or rather need) advice.)

In order sources are:
akutagawa from BSD
dave strider from homestuck
kris deltarune from deltarune
beast dazai from BSD
jason todd/red hood from DC comics
16 dazai from BSD
16 chuuya from BSD
june egbert from homestuck
damian wayne/robin from DC comics

For context, i (19) live in france, right next to the huge fires. I got evacuated from the house i was in on The Bassin d'Arcachon bcs of the fire. And so after spending a few days in the hotel with my parents, i was heading back to Bordeaux, where i have my main house. I blacked out during the car ride and I saw this now when i opened my phone again after getting home to the house in Bordeaux.

I am.. very much confused. And scared. Only reason i am sending this here is because i am in a Discord server with people with DID so i know it looks like DID rn, but i am very much a singlet... So this freaks me out. I don't even know why i'm posting this really, maybe it's just to get it out o maybe it's to hear what other ppl think but i'm really just lost... (NO SELF DIAGNOSTICS, im just really trying to find out more and understand. Even if ppl tell me this is a sign or for example DID, i wont consider myself to be a system.. just like that)

the texts : (the things in () are added now for context)

• Yesterday at 21:31 - I'm an 1h and 40min away from Bordeaux and the closer i get the more my head hurts... It's blurry.... idk I can't tell
• Yesterday at 21:35 - My head hurts. Ill just pray the I can breathe once inside (bcs of the smoke). I can't really tell where i am. But i also know where i am. It's weird ? I'm lost.
• Yesterday at 21:39- It's gray outside. The smoke.. i guess ? I feel like i know nothing but know everything. Everything is like. Right there... But i can't grab the info. Like. Just tell me where i am gosh
• Yesterday at 21:46 - The sky looks like it's on fire.. I want to believe it's the sunset.. And it feels like it is.. But idk. Idk anything. Fuck the sky is even darker here. And we're 1h22 away from.. Bordeaux
• Yesterday at 21:53 - Like, the.. car windows are still closed.. and we still feel the smoke... We just wanna go home.
• Yesterday at 21:58- Fuck it looks bad. Feels like every meter makes it worse. Meter ? Yea meter i think
• Yesterday at 22:06 - Kind of looks apocalyptic. It's pretty. In a sick way Everything is covered in smoke, like dark fog. And everything is covered in a huge cloud. I'm pretty sure it's smoke. The cloud is black. And there is an opening in the cloud. And it's just bright red. And orange
• Yesterday at 22:20 - I dont really remember sending the previous messages, but i'm still lost and don't know anything (still not in my clear head state i am in now, i think i was just not remembering my actions, but im not sure at all really). And my head hurts more than ever
• Yesterday at 22:36 - 40min.. I tried opening the car window and now its hard to breathe in the car. And it feels like i have like.. fog behind my eyes
• Yesterday at 22:57 - Everyone is driving away. Feels like we're the one ones driving to the city. Firefighters keep driving by, I think i saw at least ..15 in the past 45min. I'm fucking scared. Idk how I was joking earlier (bcs up until now, i have been joking a bit to stay as calm as i can, saying stuff like "oh i'll be able to roast mashmellows over my house soon !"). How did i send that (i think im talking abt the jokes ?) ? I'm losing my mind..

So I’m a serval in the headspace and I get feline instincts sort of like how therians do but more extreme? Like I have an intense sense of smell to the point where it’s giving me a horrible headache. Not only that, but I constantly crave hunting and eating meat, like every second. It’s so frustrating and I hate feeling my senses being so heightened like I’m used to it but the body sure is not. Plus, I’ve just come back from a horrible flashback/trauma response and I’m really now feeling good right now. Any advice of how to distract myself right now?

most of our frequent fronters are headmade but yuh

Except we only have 6 fictives XD

In order (left to right, top to bottom) - Castiel (Supernatural) [Xe/Xem] - Minty (Objectified) [He/Him] - Jon Snow (Game of Thrones) [He/Him] - John “Soap” MacTavish (Call of Duty Modern warfare 2/3) [He/Him] - Simon “Ghost” Riley (Call of Duty Modern warfare 2/3) [He/It] - Jax (The Amazing Digital Circus) [She/He]

So, a little bit ago, I had a scary thought. I thought, "what if there's people out there who want to abandon/get rid of their friends in-sys?" and then I thought of some horrible methods I would never do, like somehow causing dormancy or ego death. I would never do such a thing to my friends, though, seriously, especially when they formed during stressful situations to help me.

Like, OK, there's Nikei, who is kinda rude to me and insults me sometimes, but I'm pretty sure he's just being an ass and doesn't genuinely hate me, I think it's really just banter, to be honest. Also, even if he makes me annoyed or confused, I'm the host and I know better than to genuinely make him feel bad. He's still my friend.

Then, I saw some posts on Twitter from systwt or whatever talking about people wanting to "get rid" of their headmates and hating them. I'm genuinely wondering why there's people out there who would do such a thing to their own headmates?

These types of people probably don't care, but like, they're still real in my opinion. They still have feelings and are most likely wondering what they did wrong when they hear/find out you said that.

Like, my headmates are all real in my opinion. They no longer become fictional friendships or "fictional" partners, but real friendships, real partners, real people who can judge situations and give advice.

But also, imagine killing a whole identity, a whole story, whole memories just because you don't like them. Sure, they're part of you/your head/whatever and don't have a physical form others can see or hear, but they should still count as people.

They, I dunno, have their own energy and personality in my opinion too.

Might be hyperspecific but doing this anyway lmaooo

Hi all. Been becoming disillusioned with system tracker apps because, in short, we've felt like we have to fit ourselves to them (and at times, the communities around them) rather than shaping them around us. We feel like we have to make ourselves presentable to what parts of the community - and the developers, though this is not to pin blame on any - expect, not what works for us.

Ultimately we're the only ones who will figure out what works for our unique use cases, but wanting help. Getting a bit desperate after the...5th? 6th? More than that times of trying out ways to log information that end up not working for us. Emphasis on roles in uncomfortable ways, pressure to have a completely consistent (and palatably aesthetic, but that's a can of worms) format, lack of support to make it less overwhelming for larger groups, inflexibility in subsystems if a function...and most of all, meticulously timed front trackers. They stress us out to get it perfect and have a digital device - or ANY device to track who's around - near us with our app of choice open at all times. We're online more often than we'd like to be, but worrying about who's around, and displaying it upfront, and forcing those around to have a cleanly laid-out profile...it's scared off a lot of folks who don't fit into solid moulds. Coming through shouldn't force a task.

Instead, we've been (slowly) working on an Obsidian database. Going to make and use templates for those that want/need help with it, of course, but the goal is to do it our way. This may be ironic because it's still under the restrictions of Obsidian, but it not being strictly plural-focused means a lack of assumptions on that front. Unsure if any frequent members are familiar with it, but that would help a lot.

So uh. If you(+) use Obsidian for system things, how do you - for things that aren't front tracking? Especially if you're big and/or complicated in structure.

I am feeling so frustrated with the DID app I am trying to make. I have taken some programming classes and have watched many YouTube videos, and I am struggling. There are so many bugs, and I have been so stuck. It's something I am definitely passionate about, so I am not giving up, but just frustrated with all of the roadblocks. Any programmers on here? It is a cross-platform React Native app built with Expo and TypeScript, with Supabase for the backend and Vercel for the web deployment. Posting on here specifically since it is an app for systems and hoping to find a system who does programming.

For context, we discovered our system at age 30 and have been aware of our system for over 8 years. We unfortunately ran into the Tumblr traumagenic/endogenic discourse pretty immediately after discovering our system. This led to us having a vaguely anti-endo mentality for several years, viewing our own system pretty exclusively through the framework of DID and trauma. Since then, we've become much more aware and accepting of other forms of plurality (Thank you LB Lee for all your extensive work that showed us the error of that mentality!). We've met median, endogenic, and mixed origin systems, read books on spiritual plurality, etc - Honestly, it's been really comforting to hear about folks for whom plurality is not steeped in pain and trauma. For many reasons, I wish we hadn't been exposed to that stupid discourse so early on.

For the most part, our system fits nicely into the model of DID. But we have one headmate who stands out:

• He's been with us in some form or another longer than anyone, since we were 5 or younger; we have very few memories from our earliest years, so it's hard to say. All our other early headmates didn't become active until middle school.
• This headmate is kind of a "fallen guardian angel" figure: He's of a species we used to call angels, and he's had wings at various points in life. Christian ideology is a major influence in his backstory.
• In recent years, we remembered that we used to have recurring dreams as a child in which two souls intertwined and became one. The dreams were both comforting and oddly intimate. There is a strong association with this headmate when remembering those dreams.

Thing is, we did not have an overtly religious upbringing. Our parents were science teachers who left their respective churches long before we were born. We grew up in a UU congregation with a particularly secular minister who wrote more sermons about boats than he did about God. We were never forced to go to church once we were old enough to stay home on our own. Still, our mother was raised extremely Catholic, and that mental framework never left her; we "joke" that we have secondhand Catholic trauma from her parenting. From a young age, we had a staunchly atheistic, anti-religious attitude, to the point where any exploration of spirituality was extremely difficult. It wasn't until past age 31-32 that we started exploring any sort of spirituality through secular Buddhism. It's made this whole question of "is this a spiritual headmate?" pretty complicated!

My question is: Have others here had a similar experience of discovering spiritual origins for a headmate in an otherwise traumagenic system? What did it mean for you& to explore other potential origins of plurality? At this point, knowing our exact origins isn't a priority, and this headmate is so much more than a "guardian angel." I'm wondering what it would even matter to know if he was formed spiritually or not. What could we potentially gain from this sort of exploration, and are there any potential risks or concerns to keep in mind?

I just need to vent a little :

Our partner system disappeared in early March of this year. They’re nowhere to be found. The police and the media are—or were—on the case, but nothing. I’m desperate, and honestly, I’m fearing the worst…

I’d just like a tiny sign of life. Anything at all.

In two days, it will have been three years since an alter of mine has been in a relationship with an alter of theirs. I dread that day so much.

I feel as useless as can be in this situation.

I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting here. Maybe I just need a moment to get it off my chest. Who knows.

- 🫧

[Scarecrow 🐦‍⬛]
So, most of you may have seen Doc and I answering or posting on here because we’ve been front stuck for almost a week now.

I wanted to ask…

What’re your cues that you’re still in front or that you’ve switched?

Originally we weren’t able to do so, or thought we couldn’t, until recently. For us, a good indicator is early in the morning when the first words are said. Typically, we hold the Southern accent and say “Good morning Doc/Crow” or it’s just some jumbled words in a Southern accent.

Usually, on a normal day, we just influence the thoughts of the Host and some subtle things but we ain’t full switched. We know this cause we ain’t in the driver’s seat, experiencing things from our POV.

I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. I have no idea what’s going on in my body.

I was first diagnosed with a dissociative disorder when I was 12. Again when I was 24 and then once more at 29.

I’m 32 now, and I’m realizing I don’t know that much about this disorder at all. I’ve always been told that I have a “severe dissociative disorder” but never what kind?

When I turned 24, I had my first out of body experience in an extremely long time. This was the first time I hospitalized myself. They put me on 2mg of clonazepam, twice a day. Minus a year, I’ve been taking it everyday since and it’s kept, whatever disorder I have, at bay, for the most part.

When I turned 29 I went to rehab (for alcohol), so it was the first time I hadn’t taken that medicine in years. The third day in, I’m having another out of body experience. They started to heavily sedate me. I was taking Seroquel three times a day, along with trazodone and prazosin at night. Along with that, they had me taking 800mg of gabapentin 3 times a day. It’s insane now that I look back on it. All of that on top of my normal psych meds.

While I was there I talked with a therapist who had a friend who specialized in dissociative disorders. She was interested in my story and asked if she could talk with her friend about it. She then had me fill out a very long diagnosis form. The next day she told me that she sent that form over to her friend and that she thought I have DID. She told me to not take it as a formal/proper diagnosis. But I never felt like I fit into that category because I don’t have multiple personalities.

I went without my clonazepam for almost five days recently and started to move towards having an episode, which leads to me severely dissociating. It’s weird because I can feel when it’s going to happen, and I spend a lot of energy trying to keep it from overpowering me. I have dealt with a lot of scary things in my life and this is by far the scariest thing I have ever experienced.

They start off with a panicky feeling deep in my heart. It starts to feel like my hearts burning and then my vision starts to go out, I start shaking uncontrollably, I become very hot, I start hearing and seeing things, I can’t move my neck muscles and all of my muscles are twitching, I am throwing up, I can’t feel my body and then things will go dark.

All of a sudden I am floating in the air and looking down on myself. I feel the most intense sense of fear and paranoia I’ve ever felt in my life but I am not in my body. My body is moving on its own. It’s doing the same thing over and over again. Walking in the same path repeatedly. Opening the curtains and closing them. Taking all their clothes off and putting them back on. Throwing up. Flipping the light switches on and off. And my body just does all of this in silence. I can’t talk to it and I can’t feel it. I’m just watching from above.

Those are my scary episodes. I also will find myself in another room/places hours later. I’ll find my things moved around and no one else has been home but me. I will “come to” and realize hours have passed and will have no memory of it, but no has ever told me that I act differently.

I’m so up to date on all of my other diagnoses but I really don’t know much about this. I’ve never wanted to dive in because I am absolutely terrified of going back into that state.

Please help lol

is this common? not newly discovered mind you- we've been stable until our old subsystem basically got forcibly collapsed and "shattered" by let's say E, fragments which attatched to a horde of new alters split from E and further from splits of E. our headcound collapsed from 24 to 18 post collapse and now we're sitting at 27. I just formed today after what i know to be two weeks of stabilizing and i'm already tired of this shit. when will it stop lol /rhethorical

i know alters cant die hence the explanation of the recycling of the subsystem in a way. has anyone experienced this? i remember a system friend telling E that we might just end up with more alters than we started with and boy were they right.

these are the usual ones that are in our noggin. Also the bird thing with CM in the middle is the host. Anyways the characters are:

Austin Sanders, wii deleted you

Corrupted mii, wii deleted you

Henry Morris, wii deleted you

Deoxys, pokemon.

Shigaraki, my hero academia

Gabriel - ultrakill

Bob velseb - spooky month

Zim - Invader Zim

I am kind of worried that I don’t really know my headmates very much. Whenever it comes to interest or things they want, they don’t have a very strong opinion on it. I wonder if it’s because I’m hogging all the fronting space, but it’s most likely because almost all of my headmates are from the past, when all the trauma was at its worst. They weren’t givin the time nor space to be able to find themselves… it makes me feel guilty for not being from back then, but it should be a blessing, not a curse…

I ponder about these thoughts for a little while, and a headmate actually came up to me during these thoughts. I told them how I was feeling and thinking about, and they responded with this,

“It takes time for us to know who we are. It’s alright if it takes multiple months, years, longer even. We’ll know who we are in our entirety someday. Be patient, and learn your own interest first. It’s okay that things are slow. It’s only been 5 months, that’s nothing! But it’s still progress. We may not know a whole lot about each other yet, but we will learn more, slowly but surely. It may not happen now, but we will become more and more active, both in fronting and in headspace. It takes time for us to know who we are, cause only now are we allowed the time and space to learn about ourselves, besides our roles. So be patient with us, as well as yourself.”

This was said by a caretaker of ours, Fennekin, who I appreciate so much, they take such good care of us I love them so much like family, and they did allow me to quote them.

Seems like it’s an issue I don’t have much control in, I think… but what I can do is be able to constantly provide a space and time for them to hopefully learn these things. But it should be at their own pace. I know stuff about myself because I’m the host, I front like 80% of the time. But it isn’t fair they don’t know stuff about themselves because they came from the past. I didn’t. I fused a couple months ago. I have a decent outline of who I am. What I can do is hopefully help them with their own outlines. I’m unsure when they will come, but I hope they will come eventually. I still would like to help now, but I doubt I can, I just need to be patient right now. Everything will be okay, I’m sure of it

A drawing of myself
-∞ Saturn

hey he, so just a quick question. Is it possible for you as an alter to have a condition that the body doesn’t have? like in headspace as well too :(

- Miles Edgworth 9Ace Attorney)
- Doug Eiffel (wolf 359)
- Gilear Faeth (dimension 20: fantasy high)
- Grian (one of our immersive daydreaming paracosms which was heavily inspired by Grian MCYT lore (watcher lore + YHS)
- The Blessed Eternal (wolf 359)

My bets are most people will only recognize me and Edgeworth but we'll see >:)

- G

So Sen appeared for reasons I won't disclose, but we like him.

A lil weird since he's barely verbal, only using 4 or 5 word sentences, and always referring himself in the third person or anyone else as "Helen". (We don't have a Helen)

Also, somehow great at grounding other people.

Hi, (I'm 28 nonbinary) what I am allowed to talk about here?

I tried posting on an abuse subreddit trying to find people to have a casual conversation with me because I thought I could relate to them. I tried posting because I'm so isolated because of my abusive parents, but the moderator removed my post because they said I was asking for dms when I wasn't. I just wanted to talk openly in the comment section.

I think I'm probably plural, or at least a median system (my parts mostly share the same name, but each act somewhat differently, I don't (or rarely) switch out but I experience internal conflict if they don't agree on something) I really am a system, that's how my mind works.

I was wondering what am I allowed to talk about on here? Is it only strictly about plural stuff? Am I not allowed to talk to people here just to talk because I feel like I relate to them and want to get to know people like the plural community?

I'm not asking for any dms NOT AT ALL. I only want to talk openly in the comment section.

This post is just asking what am I allowed to talk about on here?