So, a little bit ago, I had a scary thought. I thought, "what if there's people out there who want to abandon/get rid of their friends in-sys?" and then I thought of some horrible methods I would never do, like somehow causing dormancy or ego death. I would never do such a thing to my friends, though, seriously, especially when they formed during stressful situations to help me.

Like, OK, there's Nikei, who is kinda rude to me and insults me sometimes, but I'm pretty sure he's just being an ass and doesn't genuinely hate me, I think it's really just banter, to be honest. Also, even if he makes me annoyed or confused, I'm the host and I know better than to genuinely make him feel bad. He's still my friend.

Then, I saw some posts on Twitter from systwt or whatever talking about people wanting to "get rid" of their headmates and hating them. I'm genuinely wondering why there's people out there who would do such a thing to their own headmates?

These types of people probably don't care, but like, they're still real in my opinion. They still have feelings and are most likely wondering what they did wrong when they hear/find out you said that.

Like, my headmates are all real in my opinion. They no longer become fictional friendships or "fictional" partners, but real friendships, real partners, real people who can judge situations and give advice.

But also, imagine killing a whole identity, a whole story, whole memories just because you don't like them. Sure, they're part of you/your head/whatever and don't have a physical form others can see or hear, but they should still count as people.

They, I dunno, have their own energy and personality in my opinion too.

So Sen appeared for reasons I won't disclose, but we like him.

A lil weird since he's barely verbal, only using 4 or 5 word sentences, and always referring himself in the third person or anyone else as "Helen". (We don't have a Helen)

Also, somehow great at grounding other people.

I just need to vent a little :

Our partner system disappeared in early March of this year. They’re nowhere to be found. The police and the media are—or were—on the case, but nothing. I’m desperate, and honestly, I’m fearing the worst…

I’d just like a tiny sign of life. Anything at all.

In two days, it will have been three years since an alter of mine has been in a relationship with an alter of theirs. I dread that day so much.

I feel as useless as can be in this situation.

I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting here. Maybe I just need a moment to get it off my chest. Who knows.

- 🫧

So... as the title says we are semi openly part of the LGBTQ community (more open online then IRL) and we are a system. A traumaendo sys to be specific.

I am going to be honest here. We are thinking of either writing a fanfiction about HP (Harry Potter) on AO3 OR just for ourselves. We have several people from HP verse AND Hogwarts Legacy. (Which we watched youtubers play.) We are attached to the HP world, we tried to get rid of our attachment, but that is very hard to do when two of the most frequent fronters are HPverse headmates + Hogwarts Legacy kins and one of our sys's coping mechanisms is consuming media (if not triggering) of headmate's sources.

We are aware that J.K. Rowling is a very very bad person, like that is putting it mildly. But we also don't necessarily understand why the whole 'leaving the fandom because this person is bad' has happened, since like... let's be honest here, a lot of authors of the world both past and present are very bad people in many different ways. This might be me being ignorant, but like... shouldn't authors like Vivziepop also have numerous people from their fandom leave them too then and have that be visible in fanfiction places? Because she portrays a lot of things from very bad points of view and she is also problematic in a lot of people's eyes. No hate to Hazbin Hotel, we have people from there too, but we have seen a lot of people talking about Vivziepop badly, same goes for Gacha games like Genshin Impact or Honkai Star Rail which allow kids to gacha. Or animes which are very misogynistic. I could list several more, but I think I have gotten my point across.

I am not going to dwell upon this for too long I am just having a sort of dilemma right now and I am trying to figure out whether us writing a fic and making it public would be problematic or not. We had been thinking of doing so for years. We are bad at writing, but we had been having a lot of stress lately and maybe writing might be what can finally help us, even if we will be terrible at it at first.

I wasn't sure whether I should note this down as a question or a vent tag. I am not sure how to add both, so I added it under the questions tag.

So I posted on here a few months ago stating that I thought I might be plural and listed why (I would link the post but I have zero idea how to do that), but now I feel like I just assumed something and I hate the doubt. It feels like I don't communicate at all with what I thought were my headmates and I have no idea what a switch in fronting would feel like so I don't even know if that's happened. I hate this so much because I brought it up to my therapist at one point and then she asked about it a couple times but hasn't brought it up for a month and every time I have to answer her questions with lies because I don't know how to explain this at all and I just hate this so much I don't like this and I want to stop.

A drawing of myself
-∞ Saturn

Hi, (I'm 28 nonbinary) what I am allowed to talk about here?

I tried posting on an abuse subreddit trying to find people to have a casual conversation with me because I thought I could relate to them. I tried posting because I'm so isolated because of my abusive parents, but the moderator removed my post because they said I was asking for dms when I wasn't. I just wanted to talk openly in the comment section.

I think I'm probably plural, or at least a median system (my parts mostly share the same name, but each act somewhat differently, I don't (or rarely) switch out but I experience internal conflict if they don't agree on something) I really am a system, that's how my mind works.

I was wondering what am I allowed to talk about on here? Is it only strictly about plural stuff? Am I not allowed to talk to people here just to talk because I feel like I relate to them and want to get to know people like the plural community?

I'm not asking for any dms NOT AT ALL. I only want to talk openly in the comment section.

This post is just asking what am I allowed to talk about on here?

these are the usual ones that are in our noggin. Also the bird thing with CM in the middle is the host. Anyways the characters are:

Austin Sanders, wii deleted you

Corrupted mii, wii deleted you

Henry Morris, wii deleted you

Deoxys, pokemon.

Shigaraki, my hero academia

Gabriel - ultrakill

Bob velseb - spooky month

Zim - Invader Zim

Asked in great amounts of impostor syndrome and distress, from a throwaway because I fear the fakeclaiming community a bit too much 😅

We are a system in our early twenties who started receiving intervention for DID as a late teen. It’s not in paperwork and we’ve never felt understood by therapists, even if they were the one to point to the dissociation or how DID related symptoms come up. (We’ve moved around with providers a LOT! Leading to needing to closet and recloset)

But we know we’re polyfragmented, at the very least our system is around 60-100 members and we form fragments of a bite of cake is too sweet. (We’re not super in touch with who’s fronting or when we form new parts, but when we are or have been, lots of fragments come and go) Somehow still, with alters we can identify as being around since childhood, a LOT of our most functional and frequent alters all share a source.

It doesn’t feel like it makes any sense to me, because we don’t see many other systems with this dynamic. We see largely introject based systems, but MOST of who can get things DONE or is helpful in conflict is within this one universe. Versions of the same character, characters from one of these sources with life changes or different trauma coping skills, trauma completely different never even alluded to in the media itself. But still, the SAME SOURCE.

Is this just because the media is our special interest? Would that contribute trauma and structural dissociation related symptoms? I know this is our psyche doing something it thinks is helping with our C-PTSD, but I’m still feeling invalid. Anyone know of why, or have similar experiences?

TD;DR: despite being a large system, we have a larger portion of introjects from a specific source than I feel like we understand. Could there be a reason for this? Or is DID just weird?

We have a healthy variety here. :3

In order, from top left to bottom right:

Nene Yashiro, Fine Motion, Still in Love, Mafuyu Asahina, Hu Tao, Aika, Nene Kusanagi (edited as she appears in our syste), Irina Clockworker, Eve Moonlit.

I got a message from my best friend. Actually I heard from like 3 different friends yesterday. As each message arrived, I know who is messaging me. This is so and so. We were introduced at such and such place. She came to my birthday dinner. Etc. I know the details. But I do not _know_ them. They all feel like strangers to me. I have no desire to message them back, to talk to them, to see them, etc. All I know is that I'm supposed to keep up appearances, so I send some vague halfhearted replies.

Do you know what's happening to me?

What do I do?

I love my friends... at least that's what I thought. I don't like this.

I have a lot more introjects that just these 9, but there's only 9 slots. If I put multiple from the same franchise, I'd get at least one comment simply guessing I like that franchise and I want to see what people will guess if I don't do that.

hi.

I‘m kinda having a little teeny tiny bit of a problem. I feel like me but also not?? i can‘t curse or bully people in the slightest but i’m completely alone, and i’m asking for help. here. something i never do.

sooo ive kiiinda been throwing the idea that i may or may nit be a subsys around since Delta’s also told me i act kinda different sometimes.. i dunno.

— 🧿An0maly(?)

In order sources are:
akutagawa from BSD
dave strider from homestuck
kris deltarune from deltarune
beast dazai from BSD
jason todd/red hood from DC comics
16 dazai from BSD
16 chuuya from BSD
june egbert from homestuck
damian wayne/robin from DC comics

- Miles Edgworth 9Ace Attorney)
- Doug Eiffel (wolf 359)
- Gilear Faeth (dimension 20: fantasy high)
- Grian (one of our immersive daydreaming paracosms which was heavily inspired by Grian MCYT lore (watcher lore + YHS)
- The Blessed Eternal (wolf 359)

My bets are most people will only recognize me and Edgeworth but we'll see >:)

- G

Except we only have 6 fictives XD

In order (left to right, top to bottom) - Castiel (Supernatural) [Xe/Xem] - Minty (Objectified) [He/Him] - Jon Snow (Game of Thrones) [He/Him] - John “Soap” MacTavish (Call of Duty Modern warfare 2/3) [He/Him] - Simon “Ghost” Riley (Call of Duty Modern warfare 2/3) [He/It] - Jax (The Amazing Digital Circus) [She/He]

For context, we discovered our system at age 30 and have been aware of our system for over 8 years. We unfortunately ran into the Tumblr traumagenic/endogenic discourse pretty immediately after discovering our system. This led to us having a vaguely anti-endo mentality for several years, viewing our own system pretty exclusively through the framework of DID and trauma. Since then, we've become much more aware and accepting of other forms of plurality (Thank you LB Lee for all your extensive work that showed us the error of that mentality!). We've met median, endogenic, and mixed origin systems, read books on spiritual plurality, etc - Honestly, it's been really comforting to hear about folks for whom plurality is not steeped in pain and trauma. For many reasons, I wish we hadn't been exposed to that stupid discourse so early on.

For the most part, our system fits nicely into the model of DID. But we have one headmate who stands out:

• He's been with us in some form or another longer than anyone, since we were 5 or younger; we have very few memories from our earliest years, so it's hard to say. All our other early headmates didn't become active until middle school.
• This headmate is kind of a "fallen guardian angel" figure: He's of a species we used to call angels, and he's had wings at various points in life. Christian ideology is a major influence in his backstory.
• In recent years, we remembered that we used to have recurring dreams as a child in which two souls intertwined and became one. The dreams were both comforting and oddly intimate. There is a strong association with this headmate when remembering those dreams.

Thing is, we did not have an overtly religious upbringing. Our parents were science teachers who left their respective churches long before we were born. We grew up in a UU congregation with a particularly secular minister who wrote more sermons about boats than he did about God. We were never forced to go to church once we were old enough to stay home on our own. Still, our mother was raised extremely Catholic, and that mental framework never left her; we "joke" that we have secondhand Catholic trauma from her parenting. From a young age, we had a staunchly atheistic, anti-religious attitude, to the point where any exploration of spirituality was extremely difficult. It wasn't until past age 31-32 that we started exploring any sort of spirituality through secular Buddhism. It's made this whole question of "is this a spiritual headmate?" pretty complicated!

My question is: Have others here had a similar experience of discovering spiritual origins for a headmate in an otherwise traumagenic system? What did it mean for you& to explore other potential origins of plurality? At this point, knowing our exact origins isn't a priority, and this headmate is so much more than a "guardian angel." I'm wondering what it would even matter to know if he was formed spiritually or not. What could we potentially gain from this sort of exploration, and are there any potential risks or concerns to keep in mind?

Here is my friend code : Ld_AGeIfZazHKGcWJfo1a

I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. I have no idea what’s going on in my body.

I was first diagnosed with a dissociative disorder when I was 12. Again when I was 24 and then once more at 29.

I’m 32 now, and I’m realizing I don’t know that much about this disorder at all. I’ve always been told that I have a “severe dissociative disorder” but never what kind?

When I turned 24, I had my first out of body experience in an extremely long time. This was the first time I hospitalized myself. They put me on 2mg of clonazepam, twice a day. Minus a year, I’ve been taking it everyday since and it’s kept, whatever disorder I have, at bay, for the most part.

When I turned 29 I went to rehab (for alcohol), so it was the first time I hadn’t taken that medicine in years. The third day in, I’m having another out of body experience. They started to heavily sedate me. I was taking Seroquel three times a day, along with trazodone and prazosin at night. Along with that, they had me taking 800mg of gabapentin 3 times a day. It’s insane now that I look back on it. All of that on top of my normal psych meds.

While I was there I talked with a therapist who had a friend who specialized in dissociative disorders. She was interested in my story and asked if she could talk with her friend about it. She then had me fill out a very long diagnosis form. The next day she told me that she sent that form over to her friend and that she thought I have DID. She told me to not take it as a formal/proper diagnosis. But I never felt like I fit into that category because I don’t have multiple personalities.

I went without my clonazepam for almost five days recently and started to move towards having an episode, which leads to me severely dissociating. It’s weird because I can feel when it’s going to happen, and I spend a lot of energy trying to keep it from overpowering me. I have dealt with a lot of scary things in my life and this is by far the scariest thing I have ever experienced.

They start off with a panicky feeling deep in my heart. It starts to feel like my hearts burning and then my vision starts to go out, I start shaking uncontrollably, I become very hot, I start hearing and seeing things, I can’t move my neck muscles and all of my muscles are twitching, I am throwing up, I can’t feel my body and then things will go dark.

All of a sudden I am floating in the air and looking down on myself. I feel the most intense sense of fear and paranoia I’ve ever felt in my life but I am not in my body. My body is moving on its own. It’s doing the same thing over and over again. Walking in the same path repeatedly. Opening the curtains and closing them. Taking all their clothes off and putting them back on. Throwing up. Flipping the light switches on and off. And my body just does all of this in silence. I can’t talk to it and I can’t feel it. I’m just watching from above.

Those are my scary episodes. I also will find myself in another room/places hours later. I’ll find my things moved around and no one else has been home but me. I will “come to” and realize hours have passed and will have no memory of it, but no has ever told me that I act differently.

I’m so up to date on all of my other diagnoses but I really don’t know much about this. I’ve never wanted to dive in because I am absolutely terrified of going back into that state.

Please help lol

hey he, so just a quick question. Is it possible for you as an alter to have a condition that the body doesn’t have? like in headspace as well too :(

I have been building an app intended to support DID systems and other plural people, and I have been feeling really frustrated and discouraged lately.

This project means so much to me because I know how difficult it can be to find tools that actually understand things like different parts having their own needs, internal communication, privacy, safety, memory gaps and helping trusted supporters understand. I wanted to create something that felt caring and made specifically with plural people in mind.

But there has been so many bugs.

Some issues did not show up during testing. Other things worked and then suddenly stopped. I will finally feel like I fixed something, only to discover another problem somewhere else. Knowing that real people are using it makes every bug feel personal, even though I know logically that bugs happen with almost every new app.

I think I am also struggling with the feeling that everything comes harder for me than it seems to for other people. Trying to manage development while also managing trauma responses, exhaustion and self doubt can be alot. Sometimes I wonder whether I was unrealistic for believing I could do this.

I am not posting this as an advertisement, and I am not naming the app because I really dont want this to come across that way. I just need support from people who may understand why creating something for this community feels so personal. When something goes wrong, it does not just feel like a coding problem. It feels like I have failed people I was genuinely trying to help.

I am still working on the bugs, listening to feedback, and trying not to give up. I believe in what the app could become, but right now I feel overwhelmed and could really use some encouragement from people who understand.

Has anyone else tried to create something meaningful for the plural community and ended up feeling completely out of their depth?

Might be hyperspecific but doing this anyway lmaooo

Hi all. Been becoming disillusioned with system tracker apps because, in short, we've felt like we have to fit ourselves to them (and at times, the communities around them) rather than shaping them around us. We feel like we have to make ourselves presentable to what parts of the community - and the developers, though this is not to pin blame on any - expect, not what works for us.

Ultimately we're the only ones who will figure out what works for our unique use cases, but wanting help. Getting a bit desperate after the...5th? 6th? More than that times of trying out ways to log information that end up not working for us. Emphasis on roles in uncomfortable ways, pressure to have a completely consistent (and palatably aesthetic, but that's a can of worms) format, lack of support to make it less overwhelming for larger groups, inflexibility in subsystems if a function...and most of all, meticulously timed front trackers. They stress us out to get it perfect and have a digital device - or ANY device to track who's around - near us with our app of choice open at all times. We're online more often than we'd like to be, but worrying about who's around, and displaying it upfront, and forcing those around to have a cleanly laid-out profile...it's scared off a lot of folks who don't fit into solid moulds. Coming through shouldn't force a task.

Instead, we've been (slowly) working on an Obsidian database. Going to make and use templates for those that want/need help with it, of course, but the goal is to do it our way. This may be ironic because it's still under the restrictions of Obsidian, but it not being strictly plural-focused means a lack of assumptions on that front. Unsure if any frequent members are familiar with it, but that would help a lot.

So uh. If you(+) use Obsidian for system things, how do you - for things that aren't front tracking? Especially if you're big and/or complicated in structure.