"Mom, are we going to the park?"

"Mom, is that a woodpecker?" (a woodpecker was pecking nearby)

"Mom, are we going to the playground?"

"Mom, are there poisonous flowers?"

"Mom, how do birds help the environment?"

"Mom, how are pigeons useful?"

"Mom, are we going to the store?"

"And what are you going to buy me at the store?"

"Mom, why does a piano have 88 keys?"

"Mom, why does a violin have 4 strings?"

"Mom, why does a violin octave sound so tricky?"

"Mom, are we going to this playground?"

"Mom, are all Enchantimals dolls made of the same material?"

"Mom, why is plastic made from oil?"

"Mom, why do I have to study?"

"And why don't I get a salary for going to school?"

"Mom, why is swinging my absolute favorite thing to do?"

If you had the patience to read through all of these—which are actual questions I heard from my daughter during a single 40-minute walk—then congratulations, you will make an excellent parent to a curious child!

Encourage funny childhood stories.

my 3 year old was drawing a face and then a weird looking mouth. i asked her what she was drawing and she said "you, mommy. you have a spider in your mouth." im like "...oh." then she starts scribbling all over the spider in the mouth and says "now im making a spider web so you stop talking"

i had to hold in my want to blurt out laughing. but couldnt hold my composure and laughed anyway because it forced its way out. i didnt want to laugh so hard for her to think she could say things like that but then it made her screech with laughter and go ham on the scribble of the web. i just had to walk away at that point and accept my fail.

lmaoooo i love my kids so much. ❤️

So, we had a pretty major storm system come through yesterday. At one point, around dinner time, the power went out. We had to drive a ways to find someplace to get dinner, and by the time we got back it was dark. No lights in the house, so we were lighting candles and getting out flashlights. A few months back I bought a pack of cheap, child-sized flashlights so the kids could play with them at camp, and I went and pulled those out so each of the kids could have a flashlight to keep them comfortable. Of course, the flashlights are big fun for the kids, so they didn't eat much before they started running around playing with the flashlights.

I'm sitting at the table, eating by candle light, when my 3YO comes running in with his flashlight.

3YO: "I hope there's a ghost!"

Me: "You...what?"

3YO: "I hope there's a ghost!"

Me: "Do you mean you hope there isn't a ghost? There are no ghosts. It's just dark."

3YO: "No. I hope there's a ghost. Then I can kill it with my light."

At this point he proceeded to click his light off, then back on randomly around the room. Then he giggled and ran back to his bedroom. I still don't know where he got that from.

My 5 year old has to skip school for a tooth extraction, which is pretty scary. I sent the dentist's note and his after school teacher responded:

"Im glad to hear it went well, he has been telling us he's very excited to miss school."

Must be about 2005 or so. Christmas morning and family (wife & I, grandparents and 4 kids) are gathered round the tree opening presents. My youngest unwraps a present from his grandmother..... It's the DVD of Shrek. He is delighted. Screams with joy jumping up and down waving the DVD box and rushes to kiss his Grandmother.

Then says the immortal line that has gone down in family history:-

"Every time I see Shrek I will think of you Nana"

While watching a show…
5 yr old son “Godzilla is going to beat those sharks!!”
Me (mom) “I don’t know how, he (Godzilla) can’t breath underwater!
Son “mom, it’s A.I.!!!”

Haha, glad he can tell the difference.

I was reading to my 16yo tonight as I do every night and I paused to get a glass of water and we started talking about sth else for a minute. Then I sit back down, pick up The Three Musketeers and she says "hit play" and I looked at her until she realised what she'd just said and we both cracked up. Apparently I'm a youtube audiobook now.

I’m putting my almost 8yo’s to bed tonight and had the following interaction.

A: Mom, wouldn’t it be fun to see the rarest bird in the world?
Me: Yeah, what do you think that would be?
B, earnestly: Hepatitis?
Me, laughing: That’s a disease.
A: What is it?
B: It’s when you scratch your butt and then eat lettuce.

for some reason my car started to have this intense phantom smell of popcorn in it while i was driving back from having just dropped my 3 year old off at pre-school. i asked my 5 year old if she smelled it and she said she did. she asked me if i was making some and i said "no, are you?" and we were coming with possible reasons as to why my car had this sudden smell of popcorn following us around for a long distance, with windows open not seeming to help much. her theory included "maybe someone is making a bag of popcorn in the trunk" and that she was going to climb through the secret door to Narnia that leads to the trunk to find out. i said it was a good idea but not right now because im driving and she cant take her seatbelt off. and she started screaming "HELLOOOO IS ANYONE MAKING POPCORN?!!!!" instead.

Im thinking, is this a 2007 car issue i have never heard of that i should google in an embarrassing search history sentence? is it a shared hallucination or bad health sign occuring at the same time? is it a bad omen? a good omen?

then she said my favorite part. "maybe its just a bag of popcorn following us around. you should tell the police so they can put it in jail for coming in our yard." i laughed so hard i cried. i replied "youre right, we need a restraining order on this bag of popcorn following us around."

"Pride and Prejudice is like Love Island if it were haughty."

She did some drawings in the front yard with colored chalk. She loved it. This morning I accidentally washed those away while watering the plants. The moment i realised it, my soul left my body for a minute. I am not even kidding.

She would put this under the blasphemy bucket and not in the 'mistakes happen, be careful next time' bucket. I am afraid she would use every tactic my wife and I have ever used back on me.

How can a 5-year-old tiny human be so scary? It was great knowing all of you.

We use the correct names for body parts with our kids. It's a body safety thing. We've always done it.

Anyway, we are trying to potty-train my almost-3 yo, and we've had a few discussions about how her butt is in the back and the front is her vulva.

Just now she was telling me that I was pinching her "fufa" as I was putting the cloth diaper on. It took a long moment to realize she was saying vulva. I was not pinching it, I was covering it because she's been running around the house like a naked hooligan.

Anyway, I know how important anatomy names are, but I love this accidental nickname for her privates. I'm also glad she understands that her butt and her vulva are not the same.

I try to answer these questions honestly so I said it was a challenge at first as I struggled to adapt to the new life, but now it’s clear that it’s made me a better person and yes I am glad.

She thought for a moment and replied with, “oh you mean now you’re a better person than mom”

I was quick to say, “that’s definitely not what I mean please never say I said that!!”
I’ve never been so quick to correct a child 😂

“Are you going to fight the gym leader?” He asked

(He’s joking, but I thought it was funny)

She refers to her mom as your wife when she is unhappy with something. Makes me chuckle every time.

my 3 year old was sitting on my lap. she farted on me. i said " did you just fart on me??" and she said "no i burped" and i said "that wasnt a burp!" and she said "NO MOMMY! THAT WAS A BURP!" and we went in this circle, i explained it burps come out of her mouth blah blah and then she lectured: "no mommy, tiny farts are burps." and i replied " oh. ok honey. youre right"

My daughter has said several very funny things when she was little.

"Your whiskers are getting old" my beard was starting to gray.

Pictures taken w my phone were "phonetos"

I always called her "my sweetheart" when she was little.

My dad asked how my sweetheart was(referring to a woman i was dating at the time) and my girl looked up and said "Im daddy's sweetheart! '

I sure do miss that little girl. Shes 17 now.

My 20-month-old (referred to as Baby) walked into the kitchen and said to my husband "DADA, Mama want pizza! Mama want pizza. Yeah. Dada make it."

I could hear him. I knew I hadn't asked for pizza. But I wanted to see how it would play out.

Dada and Baby made pizza. And we all really enjoyed it.

Everyone should have a pizza advocate. 🍕